


More than perfect

by TheIceQueen



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: ...more like all the day, Acupuncture, Alec Lightwood & Catarina Loss Friendship, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood Angst, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood Has Panic Attacks, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alec Lightwood has Nightmares, Alec Lightwood is a dad, Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Anger, Angry Catarina Loss, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anniversary, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Apologies, Arguing, Aromatherapy, Awesome Lydia Branwell, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Catarina Loss, BAMF Isabelle Lightwood, BAMF Jace Wayland, BAMF Magnus Bane, BAMF Maryse Lightwood, BAMF lydia branwell, Babies, Baby Names, Back Pain, Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Background Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow, Background Luke Garroway/Maryse Lightwood, Background Relationships, Background Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood, Bad Jokes, Baking, Bathing/Washing, Begging, Begging Alec Lightwood, Birth, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Body Modification, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Bottom Magnus Bane, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Broken Bones, Brother-Sister Relationships, Caretaker Helen Blackthorn, Caretaker Magnus Bane, Caretaking, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Comfort/Angst, Comforting Alec, Comforting Magnus Bane, Concerned Helen Blackthorn, Confused Alec Lightwood, Confused Jace Wayland, Confused Magnus Bane, Confusion, Cooking, Cramps, Cravings, Crying, Crying Alec Lightwood, Crying Magnus Bane, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Kids, Daughters, Dehydration, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Desperation, Difficult Decisions, Dirty Jokes, Doctor Catarina Loss, Doctors & Physicians, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Doubt, Dream Sex, Dreams, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Drunk Alec Lightwood, Eating, Embarrassed Alec Lightwood, Embarrassment, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional Sex, Emotions, Encouragement, Established Relationship, Everyone Needs A Hug, Exhausted Alexander Lightwood, Exhausted Magnus Bane, Exhaustion, Explanations, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Family Dinners, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Father Figures, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Fear, Fear of Death, Fever, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Forehead Kisses, Frustration, Good Friend Catarina Loss, Good Friend Lydia Branwell, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Good Sibling Isabelle Lightwood, Good Sibling Jace Wayland, Grandmothers, Graphic Description, Guilt, Hair Washing, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Harming To Help, Headaches & Migraines, Healing, Heartbreak, Heartbroken Alec Lightwood, Heartbroken Magnus Bane, Heavy Drinking, Held Down, Holding Hands, Hope, Horny Alec Lightwood, Hugs, Human Raphael, Hunt Gone Wrong, Hurt Alec, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Jace Wayland, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Hurting To Help, Husbands, Identity Issues, Injury, Injury Recovery, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Insecure Simon Lewis, Insomnia, Interior Decorating, Intervention, Intimacy, Jace Wayland Angst, Jace Wayland Feels, Jace Wayland Needs A Hug, Jokes, Joyful, Kissing, Laughter, Light Angst, Little Sisters, Love, Loving Marriage, Lube, Lydia Branwell & Alec Lightwood Friendship, M/M, Magic, Magical Pregnancy, Magnus Bane & Catarina Loss Friendship, Magnus Bane & Clary Fray Friendship, Magnus Bane & Jace Wayland Friendship, Magnus Bane & Raphael Santiago Friendship, Magnus Bane Angst, Magnus Bane Has Panic Attacks, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Magnus Bane has Nightmares, Magnus Bane is a dad, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Meddling, Medical, Medical Examination, Medical Experimentation, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Memories, Men Crying, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Missing Persons, Morning Sickness, Mother Hen Magnus Bane, Mother Hen Maryse Lightwood, Mother-Son Relationship, Mpreg, Names, Nausea, Neck Kissing, Needles, Nervous Alec, Nervous Magnus Bane, Nervousness, Nesting, Nicknames, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Oaths & Vows, Office, Orgasm, Overprotective, Overworking, Pain, Painful Sex, Painkillers, Panic, Panic Attacks, Panicking Alec Lightwood, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Parent Alec Lightwood, Parent Magnus Bane, Parenthood, Past Abuse, Past Violence, Periods, Pet Names, Picnics, Plans For The Future, Poison, Poisoning, Portals, Post-Canon, Post-Coital Cuddling, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Test, Pregnant Alec Lightwood, Pregnant Sex, Promises, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Catarina Loss, Protective Clary Fray, Protective Jace Wayland, Protective Magnus Bane, Recovery, Regret, Relationship(s), Responsibility, Reunions, Reveal, Revelations, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Runes, Sad Alec, Sad Magnus, Scared Alec Lightwood, Scared Catarina Loss, Scared Magnus Bane, Secrets, Self-Doubt, Serious Injuries, Sex, Sex Magic, Sex Toys, Shameless Smut, Shower Sex, Showers, Sibling Love, Sick Alec Lightwood, Sick Character, Side Effects, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Simon Lewis Needs a Hug, Sisters, Sleep, Sleep Deprivation, Sleeping Together, Smut, Sobbing, Sons, Sort of..., Spit As Lube, Stomach Ache, Stress Relief, Supportive Clary Fray, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Supportive Jace Wayland, Supportive Magnus Bane, Supportive Simon Lewis, Surgery, Surprises, Sweet, Tears, Tenderness, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Alec Lightwood, Top Magnus Bane, Toys, Training, Trauma, True Love, Trust, Twins, Undressing, Undressing Each Other, Vampires, Vomiting, Warlock Magnus Bane, Warlocks, Wet Dream, Workplace, Worried Clary Fray, Worried Isabelle Lightwood, Worried Jace Wayland, Yeah okay. Pretty much Medical Experimentation with magic, comforting Catarina Loss, fear of needles, happy tears, of course, only for a minute, screaming in pain, sort of surgery anyway, ultrasounds, with magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-26 14:14:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 210,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: About one and a half year after the wedding, everything seems to be going smooth; Alec and Magnus are going strong, at home and as the heads of each their part of the shadow world.But maybe it's time for a change. Maybe something is missing.





	1. Time passed

Alec had been working a lot lately. Magnus wasn’t sure what Alec could be doing in the institute that late, some nights he’d only went passed the apartment to get a change of clothes. Magnus was planning to talk to him, soon, if he could only get the man to stand still for one whole minute. But now, out of the blue Alec had made dinner, Magnus really hoped he’d ordered in. Alec was already waiting by the table when Magnus came home from a client’s house.

“Well, this is a nice surprise. It’s like I haven’t seen you in two weeks.”

Magnus hung his jacket on the coat stand by the door and didn’t hesitate to pull Alec to his feet and greet him with a kiss. Alec cupped Magnus’s cheeks and kissed him a second time, before nodding towards the other chair. Magnus sat down and looked over the neatly set table, candles and food that Alec definitely hadn’t made himself.

“This looks amazing, but how much time do you have? Should we go right for dessert?” Magnus reached over the table and laced his fingers with Alec’s as he reached out too.

“I have time. I have to admit something.”

Magnus didn’t see guilt in Alec’s eyes. It’s couldn’t be bad then.

“Is that so?”

Alec nodded and looked at his thumb gracing lightly over the back of Magnus’s hand.

“Alexander?”

“I haven’t been that busy. I…” He looked up and Magnus shook his head to make clear that he needed further explanation. Alec pulled his hand away and gathered both on his lap. “I’ve been walking a lot. Thinking.”

This night was taking a fast and unpredictable turn and Magnus felt suddenly uneasy. He put his elbows on the table, gathering his hands in front of him, unsuccessfully trying to calm himself.

“Does that mean, that every time I’ve waited up, feeling sorry that you were working yourself to the ground, you’ve just been walking around aimlessly?”

“I’m sorry Magnus. I should have just talked to you.” He looked down and seemed to get smaller right in front of Magnus’s eyes. “I just thought I needed to decide for myself first.”

Magnus’s heart skipped a beat. This wasn’t happening. They were going strong. Both of them had been busy the year and a half after the wedding but there had been no signs that Alec didn’t think so. Was there? Suddenly, Magnus doubted everything. He felt his lungs solidifying and his breathing got short and shallow.

“Decide what?” Magnus didn’t want to hear it, but the state of half breathing wasn’t working. Getting air back in or dying from suffocation was his only options. “Alexander. Are you not happy?”

Alec’s face sprung up and a confused frown were already pinched between his eyebrows.

“Magnus. How could you even…?” Alec broke his own string of words and hastily stood beside Magnus and pulling him up by both hands.

“Listen…”

Alec stilled, holding Magnus’s shoulders in strong grips. Magnus felt Alec wait for him and he looked up at the golden brown eyes.

“No matter how awkward or weird I act, _that_ will never be it. You have to know that by now.”

Magnus felt his shoulders relax under Alec’s hands and he just as he’d come to terms with never breathing right again, his lungs pulled in a long light breath. He nodded at Alec and felt a small smile spread on his face.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Magnus took one of Alec’s hands hand held it in both of his. “But now, please tell me what you’ve spent all these hours thinking about?”

Alec nodded and looked down at their hands between their chests. “We’ve been married for almost a year and a half now, The Clave has been running as smoothly as we could ever have hoped for the last year, everything is quiet home and now when Clary and Jace seems to have figured everything out, it’s going good for once and has in a long time…”

“Alexander.”

Alec looked up and Magnus cupped his cheek and smiled at him. “You’re rambling. I agree, it’s all very good. Now, get to the point.”

There was nothing that Magnus loved more than Alec’s smiles; the big ones that came with laughter, the sudden ones when Magnus surprised him at work, even the hint of a smile when Alec was sleeping, but the best one was the loving one. The one he used as a sign that they were agreeing, that they were seeing eye to eye, that he understood Magnus and that he knew Magnus understood him. The smile he was wearing right now.

“I hoped you would take a step more with me.”

Magnus shook his head, again telling Alec that he didn’t follow. Alec took both of Magnus’s hands and let all four hands hang together low between them.

“I want to make this… us, a bigger family. Magnus, do you want to have a child with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted on tumblr that I've been falling in love with this series and one very special person to me, asked me to write for the fandom. I've been apprehensive in doing so, because this world is made up of rules, that I'm not sure I remember or even know, but also because I always end up making my works into series and I already have multiple, in other fandoms, I need to finish.  
She told me that everything I would come up with would do, and I do like the opportunities that it gives, to have a warlock as a main character, so I had to give it a go. 
> 
> This first chapter is short, I know. I needed to post before I change my mind and I needed to get something out for her. (I hope you like it xx)  
As I said, this is my first work in the Shadowhunters fandom, so I'm curious to see where it goes. Hope my fellow Shadowhunters fans will like it.


	2. Once upon a time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has a lot of thinking to do and his choice only brings more questions.

“Magnus…?”

Magnus saw Alec move down in his line of sight, he heard him talking to him, but his mind wasn’t ready to process that. A child?! Magnus only remembered them talking about it one time. It felt like decades ago that he didn’t have magic, and he’d tried hard to forget the months following that. Even back then it was only an obscure and brief dream.

“Magnus!”

Magnus looked up at a clearly worried Alec. He took a deep breath and realized that he had definitely paused for way too long. He licked his lips and swallowed to make his mouth less dry.

“A child?”

Alec had taken a step back, just observing Magnus, like he wasn’t sure if he would fall down or explode. “Yeah, I… What do you think?”

Magnus didn’t know what to think. He wasn’t against it; he just wasn’t sure they could do that. That _he_ could do that.

“I don’t know.” It was weird to admit it. He wasn’t used to not knowing. At least he would always have an opinion.

The hand taking his was calm and warm and Magnus’s eyes followed the arm up to meet Alec’s eyes. “I’ve used weeks thinking about this. It’s alright to not know right away.”

Magnus followed as Alec slowly walked over and sat on the couch.

“Sit.”

The soft tone on Alec’s voice was a perfect match to the caring smile on his face. Magnus sat down and turned towards Alec. The kiss, Alec placed on Magnus’s hand was just long enough for Magnus to take a long deep breath and somehow get himself fully back to the conversation.

“Alexander. I’m sorry, I need to…”

“Don’t be.” Alec placed his hand lightly on Magnus’s neck and his surprising patience loosened Magnus’s back and shoulders. “I caught you off-guard. It’s actually nice knowing that I’m still able to do that sometimes.”

The smile on Alec’s face had Magnus smile too. He took Alec’s hand from his neck and kissed it. For a moment they just paused looking at their hands gathered in Magnus’s lap. He wasn’t sure where to begin, he wasn’t sure what he felt about this, but he felt something, and it was burning in his stomach and pulling on his heart. It wasn’t fair to Alec to not say anything and Magnus’s stomach was worse from it, but he was sure that no matter what he’d say it would sound wrong.

Alec moved a bit closer and held Magnus’s hands a little firmer. “You think it’s a bad idea, don’t you?”

On instinct, Magnus lifted Alec’s hands to his own chest and felt them shake his lungs. “I don’t. Trust me cariño. I want to. I’m just not sure… I mean it’s…” The words disappeared before him. It was true; he wanted to, he just realized but it wasn’t just anxiousness in his stomach and heart, it was fear.

A light grip on Magnus’s chin lifted his face up to see a surprisingly big smile. Before he could try to explain or at least apologize again, Alec’s lips were on his. The kiss left Magnus certain that he didn’t have to try anymore.

“I’m sorry I sprung it on you like that.” He stood up and pulled Magnus with him and pulled him close by the hips. “You need time to think. Let’s eat and sleep and then talk tomorrow.”

It would be one long awkward night, but Magnus _did_ need to think. He needed to figure out why this scared him so damn much. He nodded at Alec and received a small peck on his forehead.

At the table, Alec reached over and took Magnus’s hand again. “Listen. I’m not going to pressure you.”

Magnus looked into the kind hazel eyes and smiled. He nodded and brushed his thumb over the back of Alec’s hand a few times before he let go and started filling his plate.

* * *

It didn’t take long for them to leave the table and quite a big amount of food. Magnus were resting his head on Alec’s shoulder trying his best to concentrate on the slow fingers drawing abstract pictures on his back. It was only the third time in the last two weeks, that he had listened this closely to Alec’s breathing. He’d missed falling asleep like this, it was the only thing he wanted when he heard that Alec wasn’t working tonight, and now he wasn’t able to.

“Magnus?” Alec was only whispering, but his words resonated in his chest under Magnus’s ear. “Magnus, you’re tense.”

Magnus graced his hand over Alec’s ribs and let it rest heavily on the middle of his chest. “Well, you gave me something to think about.”

The fingers on Magnus’s back traveled to the back of his head, only the thumb still moving ever so lightly in his hair.

“I know, I’m sorry. What are you thinking? Isn’t there anything you can tell me?”

Magnus shook his head against Alec’s shoulder. “I’m not sure what I’m thinking.”

Alec’s other hand found Magnus’s on his chest and laced their fingers. “Just say something. Maybe it will make more sense if you say it out loud. You said you wanted to. Was that true?”

“It was. It is.” Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand tighter and locked his eyes on the intertwined fingers. “I’m just not sure I should.”

He felt Alec take a fast but deep breath, he could almost see the confused frown on his face. “Why? You’ll be an amazing dad.”

“I won’t.” Suddenly the fear made sense. He couldn’t have a kid. He was not fit to take on that job, he was terrified to hurt someone that innocent. “I can’t be a dad. I’ll mess it up. I can’t do that to a child.”

Alec pushed him back and rolled to his side so they were face to face. Magnus quickly looked down, hiding the line of water gathering in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“We talked about this before. Briefly. It was a dream; only a thought. This is real. My dad…”

“Hey.” Alec grabbed Magnus’s shoulder and when nothing else happened Magnus dared to look up. “You are not Amadeus! You’re Magnus Lightwood-Bane; the most caring and loving man I know. There is no way you could ever hurt a child, no way you wouldn’t love it with every cell in your body.”

A tear rolled from Magnus’s eye and Alec placed his hand between the pillow and Magnus’s cheek, just in time to catch the second.

“Take all the time to think this over, but don’t doubt yourself for one second. Don’t let that be the reason you say no.”

Magnus nodded and graced a thumb over Alec’s cheekbone and Alec pulled him close, hugging him against his chest. As a warlock he had wards and spells that made him both protected and dangerous, but he always felt the safest in Alec’s arms, a steady beating heart next to his ear and fingers playing slowly in his hair.

* * *

Alec loved watching Magnus sleep. Listening to the slow, almost mesmerizing, breathing, the two seconds holding his breath before he turns his head, and the almost inaudible exhale after. After the night before he was relieved as Magnus feel asleep fast and even more so when he woke up to see him still sleeping.

Alec would have been content lying there the whole day but eventually Magnus’s eyes fluttered open and he stretched with a long deep breath. He turned his head towards Alec and picked up his hand, lacing their fingers.

“Mornin.”

“Good morning. You slept well.”

Magnus turned to his side and mirrored Alec’s form. “Is that so? You’ve been watching me?”

Alec smiled at the blame on Magnus’s voice. He moved closer and kissed him lightly on his mouth. “Just for the last hour, but you’ve been out for eleven. You hungry.”

Surprise and then confusion spread over Magnus’s face before he smiled and nodded. Alec kissed him hastily and left the bed to go get breakfast, or rather lunch, ready.

* * *

Magnus had some out of the bedroom with a smile and complimented the eggs and bacon Alec had made. Alec knew very well that it was the only dish he’d mastered to Magnus’s satisfaction. The meal had been accompanied with light conversation about nothing important. When Magnus asked about Alec’s work with the third different phrasing, Alec realized that Magnus was following the conversation just as little as himself.

Alec went to the kitchen to clean the dishes. Magnus had stopped asking to just fix it with magic. He knew that if Alec was already started it was because he needed the time. And right now he needed it. Magnus wasn’t himself, but how could he? He’d decided to give Magnus all the time he needed to think this over but now he found it harder than he thought. It was weird having a normal talk over the table while they both knew that their minds were otherwise occupied. No matter what he wouldn’t pressure Magnus, it wasn’t him that would bring it up again.

It took him almost half an hour to clean what little they had used. When he was almost done, Magnus had come in and given him a small peck on the cheek before heading out for the first appointment of the day. After walking back and forth in the living room five times he decided that he might as well go get some work done too.

It was late before Magnus came home. He’d texted about an hour earlier to let Alec know he was on his way. At least Magnus kept to his habits of letting Alec know. Alec had decided to stay up, but was nodding off in the couch when two light hands rested on his shoulders and a soft kiss touched his cheek.

Alec’s body came back to live and his hand found one of Magnus’s.

“Hey, you.”

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s chest and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“Hey.”

Somehow the tension that had built in Alec’s body over the day, was slowly loosening. “Rough day?”

Magnus nodded. “It was, but work was nothing.”

Alec breathed in deeply. Magnus had been struggling all day and the guilt sat deep in Alec’s stomach.

“Do you really think we can pull it off?”

Alec turned his head and Magnus loosened his hug a bit so Alec could she his soft face.

“I do.” He held his breath as Magnus, without letting go of his hand, walked around and hunched down in front of him.

Magnus took Alec’s other hand in his too, smiled up at him and nodded.

“As long as you’re here I can do anything. Let’s make our own little family.”

Tears build fast in Alec’s eyes and the first ran even before he leaned into a long reassuring kiss. Magnus moved to sit next to him and when they let go he brushed the tears from Alec’s face and one from his own.

* * *

“Isn’t there as Downworlder way to do it? Like an agency or something?”

Magnus sat up in the bed and looked down on Alec, looking like he’d given up all hope in teaching him. “It’s not like there’s a lot of Downworlder kids out there who needs parents. Most who needs help is taken in by relatives or someone close. I’ve never heard about a case where they advertised for adoptive parents.”

Alec sat op too, folding his legs between the two of them. This might be harder than first expected. “Well, not with Shadowhunters either.”

The frown appeared between Magnus’s eyebrows. The frown he would deny even existed, but Alec saw every time Magnus worried or was thinking hard about something.

“So what? Are we talking surrogate?”

Considering a surrogate was a whole new way of thinking of it. Alec had always thought that adopting was the way to go, but it seemed to not be an option for them. He had never wanted to be a Mundane, but it seemed to have a few very important perks.

“Alexander.”

Alec shook his head and came back to the conversation.

“If we can find one. The child would at least have your genes. That have to be a plus.”

“Why not yours?”

The light that had just been so potent on his husband’s face faded quickly as he looked down. He collected Alec’s hands and formed a smile before he looked up. “It is you with the family that needs to live on. Besides, wouldn’t you like a little Alexander-clone to train? I know I would.”

Magnus pulled Alec in for a kiss before he could react and Alec decided not to challenge it now. Magnus was half right, it could only be one of them, besides, who knows how long it would take for find a surrogate. There couldn’t be lots of them either.

They dropped down on their sides with laughter breaking up their kiss. Slightly winded, Alec found place resting his head on Magnus’s chest and started a slow dance of fingers on Magnus’s far upper arm.

“It’s a shame we can’t have a child with both our DNA.” Alec smiled, predicting Magnus’s reaction. “Maybe we should have two.”

“Whoa! Ease up.” Magnus pushed himself up the headboard, but Alec only followed and rested on him again.

“C’mon, Magnus. Hasn’t Izzy told you that I’ve always wanted a family of at least six?”

Magnus pulled Alec’s shoulder back and lifted his face with a finger on his chin. Alec loved to see the smiling eyes, revealing that the annoyance on Magnus’s face was only for show.

“I may have agreed to have a child, but _four_?! I love you but, that is not happening.”

Alec pouted the best he could but it wasn’t many seconds before he had to let the laughter win.

“I might be immortal, but I swear; you are making me old.”

Silence slowly filled the room and Alec tied to put the thoughts away for a moment. He tried to rest, but the choice between adoption and a surrogate was confusing. They would love the child the same either way, he was sure of it, but what was the ups and downs of this? Would people, or worse the child, think that the biological farther was the _real_ one? What if they decided on adopting a three-year-old or maybe one at seven? Magnus would be great and he would try his best, but helping a child with a background they may not know, couldn’t be an easy task.

Just before he had to say something not to go crazy, Magnus did. “I heard a story once… or read it, I’m not sure.”

“What story?”

“I came to think about it when you talked about having a child with both of our genes.”

Alec straightened his back a little to sit up more and get his other ear free of Magnus’s chest.

“It was a long time ago, long before I was born. Two warlocks; two men wanted a child. Back then even warlocks didn’t talk about being gay, so there was no way they would ever get to take care of one. They made it their life goal to find a way. Being immortal they had the time to experiment and heal.”

With his breath almost stilled, Alec listened carefully.

“Eventually they found a way. With magic, one of them carried a child to term and gave birth to a girl with both of their DNA.”

Alec pushed himself up and looked at Magnus. “Where did you hear that?”

Magnus shook his head. “I told you; I don’t remember. It’s just an old tale.” He kissed Alec quickly and laid down pulling Alec with him.

Alec didn’t sleep for a long time. If someone had done that. Maybe a surrogate could carry a child that was made from both of them or maybe one of them could have the child. It was strange to even think about a thing like that, but even though how weird and maybe even wrong is was, Alec somehow liked that idea better.

He had to remind himself that it was only a tale form a long time ago. It was only a story, but all stories come from somewhere.


	3. Secrets are only distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is still hung up on the story Magnus told, and since the search for information on adopting moves slow, he uses the quiet hours to investigate. They both have to pause everything when Alec figure out that he'd been so distracted that he'd neglected the most important use of his senses.

“Alexander. Stop! Can we just have one dinner without talking about this absurd story?”

Magnus sat the bottle of red on the table after having poured himself a, little too big, glass. Alec knew he was pushing Magnus’s buttons, but he would never stop thinking about this if he didn’t at least disproved the story. His, very much unrelated, lack of sleep didn’t help him from fantasizing and overthinking this either.

Alec reached over the table to take Magnus’s hand but Magnus quickly folded his arms on the table behind his plate.

“Magnus…”

“No. It’s been four days. I’ve been asking every warlock I know off to ask around. Yesterday, I even considered asking a vampire and a pack of wolves in Paris, but everyone is connected to someone who is connected to your family. And since you insist on keeping this a secret…”

He took a big gulp of the wine and stood up. “What have you been doing? Anything in the Shadowhunter-news?!”

Alec breathed slowly as he put down his fork and walked to stand in front of Magnus. “I’m sorry, Magnus.” He took one of Magnus’s hands in both of his, and kept his eyes on it, and his head down. “I’ve asked around. Two days ago I also contacted everyone I’ve ever heard of, who has taken in a child. Some even as long back as Jace. There’s nothing.”

Alec felt Magnus calm himself and after a small nod, he put his hand on Alec’s cheek. Alec looked up at the soft smile Magnus had regained, and immediately felt at ease.

“I know Alexander. Let’s not lose hope; it’s only been four days.” He placed a light kiss on Alec’s mouth. “You haven’t been sleeping well. Let’s take a few days not working so hard, we have time.”

“The sleep had nothing to do with this.” Alec wished that it did. It would have been easier to deal with. “Look, I know it’s a long shot…”

Magnus’s jaw tightened and Alec quickly took his hand and kissed in lightly, to try and calm him just a second more. “I need this. Let me at least try and figure out where the story came from. I’m not an idiot: I know it’s probably just a tale. I just… have nothing else to do while waiting. I’m going insane here.”

Magnus sighed and let his forehead rest on their hands, Alec was holding to his chest. “Okay, Alexander.” He pulled Alec into a hug and while still holding Alec’s hand he pulled both of them to the couch.

“I know of a warlock who might know where the story has its origin. I’m not sure he’ll know, but it’s the best I’ve got.”

Completely silent and not moving, Alec waited for Magnus to continue. Magnus put his hand on Alec’s knee and looked at him with worry. Maybe he actually thought that he was losing his mind.

“I’ll tell you, but I need you to be honest with me and tell me something after.”

Knowing Magnus, it could be anything, but Alec didn’t have any secrets for Magnus and the last four days, he was sure they had gone over anything regarding this.

“Of course. You know I don’t have secrets.”

Magnus nodded in agreement.

“His name is Marlowe. He’s High Warlock in York and has been since medieval times.”

Through all his hours of looking through countless of books, he’d never encountered that name. He should have realized that Europe should have been a part of his research.

“Alexander?”

Alec took note of the name and shook everything else out of his head as he focused at Magnus again. “What is it, Magnus? You know I’m not really going insane, right?”

Magnus smiled and let out a soundless chuckle. “You’ve always been a bit of a nut-case, but yeah; I know.”

“Then what?”

“Is this getting to you? I’m worried about you not sleeping.”

Alec let out a long exhale, forgetting most of the previous conversation. He looked at his knees and leaned back in the couch. “It’s not this…” He shook his head. He should have reacted sooner, but there had been so much and Magnus had been stressed too. “It’s not me.”

Alec heard Magnus sigh before his hand moved to his shoulder. “Jace?”

For the first time in weeks he’d taken the time to think this through fully and the guilt fell heavy and cold over him. He looked to Magnus who was just silently waiting for him to continue.

“He’s not injured, I know that. He’s not really scared either, just at night. It was bad last night.”

“Do you think his nightmares are back?”

Since the owl, Jace had had periods of horrible nightmares. The first time after, he was sure he would lose his mind or do something horrible and had begged both him and Izzy to lock him up. Jace didn’t talk about the dreams but they all had their ideas. Last time was right after Clary moved back in to the institute and Alec had almost convinced Clary to tell him what Jace was screaming when he woke up sweating on the floor.

Alec’s lip quivered as he nodded. “I talked to Izzy yesterday. Just asking how things were at the institute. There’s nothing big going on; no problems.”

He knew that if he called Jace, he would, once again, tell him that he was overreacting. But the feeling that Jase was frustrated and getting more and more angry, was exactly like all the other times. And he was tired, more than Alec. Jace was exhausted.

“Hey.” Magnus placed two fingertips on Alec’s chin and turned his face towards him. Magnus seemed to hate the situation just as much as Alec. “Is it bad enough that he needs help? Should we go?”

Alec sighed. It had to be really bad for Jace to take that well, but he didn’t see any other option. A nightmare or two wasn’t a problem and often Alec wouldn’t know, but if Jace were keeping himself awake, the nightmares would only get worse when he finally did sleep. He would only start another vicious spiral downwards as he would sleep even less. Magnus was the only one that had ever been able to help, maybe because Magnus was the only warlock that has ever been allowed too.

Magnus’s leaned in and let their foreheads touch and they both looked down at their joined hands. “We’ll go tomorrow morning. As much as I like to surprise your family, it might be too much to go at ten in the evening.”

He looked up and as Alec did too it was with a little more weight taken off his shoulders. Magnus kissed him slowly. “Maybe you can get a bit of sleep tonight now that you know we’re going. You need it.”

* * *

“I actually thought you would come yesterday, since you called the other day.”

Izzy was happy to see them and had hugged them both for a little longer than Alec thought was normally practice, but she clearly knew why they were there.

Alec shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek. “I already feel bad enough Izzy.”

“Hey.” Magnus placed a supportive hand on Alec’s upper arm. “We’re here now.” He looked at Izzy. “How is he?”

She looked over her shoulder, towards the training hall. “He’s hiding it well, and Clary is clearly sworn to secrecy, but he’s been keeping himself up. I’m not sure he even went to their room the two last nights.”

Alec nodded. “I know… We should have been here earlier.”

Izzy took his forearm and prompted him to look at her. “You know how he is. He has to be near physical breakdown before he’ll let you help anyw…”

“Alec…! Magnus!”

Simon rushed over in full speed and was hugging Magnus before he had said his whole name. Alec got a hug too.

“Simon. No vampire speed in the institute.” Izzy pulled his shoulder so he stepped back to stand next to her.

He looked at his feet. “We kinda had a little accident.”

Izzy shook his head. “_You, _most _definitely _had a _big_ accident.” She took his hand and laced their fingers. When he looked up they shared a short smile.

“Yeah, well. It should really be a priority to get the floor in the weaponry replaced. Those tiles are just way to polished and slippery. I’ve suggested carpet.”

“I’ll get right on that.”

Alec loved Idris; his job was important and interesting, most of the times. After they had appointed him as Inquisitor they had to allow downworlders in Idris too so he had Magnus every day, and that was never boring, but he wasn’t in New York often enough. Being here he remembered how much more chaotic this place were, how much faster things happened.

“So, Simon…” Magnus clearly tried to hide the laughter in his voice. “How is it to live in the institute?”

“Well, it get easier. It seems like Izzy and I are not the only Shadowhunter and Downworlder couple. I’m still the only one living here but…” Izzy wrapped her arm around his and rather hastily pulled him to her side.

Alec and Magnus shared a curious glance but neither of them asked, and the ever talkative Simon didn’t let the silence last long enough that Alec had to think about what to say.

“Training is better too.”

Alec nodded impressed at him. Izzy had bragged about Simon’s progress, but Alec had taken it as bias info. But a year and a half training with Jace, would have to make him better. He didn’t suck completely to begin with.

“Is that so?”

Simon laughed and looked at Izzy who was holding back.

“That _is_ so. And after Clary moved into the institute moved in with Jace; I have far less bruises to heal after.”

Jace was training now. Izzy had looked that way, and Alec could hear the sharp wooden smacks from the batons hitting each other. Normally, Jace would shut everything else out when he was training, but Alec felt his frustration and anger deep in his gut.

Izzy took his elbow with a light hand. “Jace and Clary are in there.” She nodded towards the door and silently pulled Simon with her the opposite way.

* * *

Magnus pushed Alec forward before he even felt his hand on his lower back. He looked at his husband and was met with an encouraging smile. He smiled back and with a smile nod, he agreed and they walked into the hall.

Jace and Clary was too occupied to notice and they hadn’t heard the door either. Alec and Magnus stopped not far into the room and observed the two. It had been a long time since Alec had fought someone as impulsive and instinctive as Jace. Of course he was training in Alicante but there, he was the one teaching the others to think out of the box.

Jace’s form was lacking. He wasn’t too slow, but his hits didn’t have the force they used to. However, it was clear that Clary was slower.

Magnus’s hand touched light on Alec’s shoulder before he walked further into the big room.

“Biscuit.”

Both fighters stopped and Clary turned around. Clary’s stick hit the floor and half a second later she was hugging Magnus. She stepped back and excused for her being drenched in sweat. That didn’t stop her from almost jumping up to hug Alec around his neck, though.

Jace walked over with a smile covering his whole face but the hug between them was more of courtesy than happiness.

Magnus stood closer to Clary. “So, half a year back and you’re a regular Chōjun Miyagi.”

“Isn’t that the one from the Karate-Kid movie. He didn’t fight with Batons.”

Magnus sighed excessively. “I make it a rule not to watch movies about people I knew, and yes, he dabbled in that too.”

Jace ignored Magnus and smirked at Alec. “I’m sure _you’re_ rusty.”

“Being the Inquisitor is mostly long days with meetings and paperwork, but I can still kick your ass.”

“You never could.” Jace backed up and made room for Alec to walk out in the room.

Alec shook his head and looked down at himself. His dark close-fitted jeans and buttoned shirt were less than ideal, and the boots would have to go. He pulled his blazer of one arm, and heard the snap of Magnus’s fingers and felt every piece of fabric on his body flutter and the cold floor under his feet. With closed eyes he locked his jaw and sighed before he looked down again. Dark sweatpants and nothing else.

“Seriously?” The short laughter from Clary, didn’t make Alec look at Magnus any less annoyed. Somehow, Jace’s eyes were only on Alec and he didn’t seem to find Magnus’s shenanigans funny.

“Oh, very well.” A snap of finger and a small light blinked and Alec was wearing a dark gray t-shirt.

Alec shook his head at Magnus. “I hope you know where my clothes is.” He only got a shrug of shoulders as an answer and Magnus and Clary walked to the side.

Jace threw one of the long batons to Alec. “C’mon then.”

The first hit, his Alec’s staff harder than expected and he took a few steps back. “Alright. It’s on.” He rushed forward and landed hit after hit at Jace’s fast shields. Jace ducked and avoided the last altogether. He walked around Alec, too slow.

“I thought you would rush in here yesterday.”

Alec felt his stomach drop and almost didn’t avoid the hit for his lower legs. He moved fast against Jace. The only way to get him was to never stop to think. “So you…” He barely fended off a hit to his head. “…you know why I’m here?”

He ducked low under a swing for his ribs and went for Jace’s ankles but he jumped the stick and stepped back. “You always overreact, I was actually surprised that you didn’t call last week when I stayed up two nights in a row.”

Alec let himself breathe for a second and relaxed with the stick in his hand hanging by his side. “Does that mean that you’re going to let Magnus help?”

With no warning Jace attacked and Alec barely got his guard up to prevent an, inevitable dark blue, mark on his shoulder. The repeated hits were fast but not strong enough to push Alec back.

“You’re still…” Jace hit lower and Alec jumped it and got a hit on Jace’s ribs. They both stepped back and raised their Batons.

“That I thought that you would freak out sooner…” Jace gasped for air and Alec wondered if it was a good idea to keep fighting. “…doesn’t mean that you’re not still overreacting.”

Jace lunched forward and aimed for Alec’s legs. Jace hadn’t foreseen that Alec would step closer to him to avoid the hit. As Jace’s stick swung through the air behind Alec, Alec used his to push Jace the same way and watched him fall to the floor. In a split second Alec had his Baton pointed at Jace’s face.

“You’re tired. You’re weak and slow.”

Jace sighed reached up for Alec’s hand. Alec didn’t feel the stick on his lower leg before he too was on the floor. Jace sprung to his feet and stood over him.

“And you’re distracted.”

Jace wasn’t wrong. He hated that he hadn’t let himself feel that Jace was hurting. It was no excuse that he had been thinking too much and had probably thought some of it was his own stress. It wasn’t even an excuse that he’d been more observant with Magnus after he’d reveled his thoughts five days ago. He threw the stick to the side and with a locked jaw and stared at the ceiling and tried to calm himself with a deep breath. It didn’t work.

He heard the sound of Jace’s stick landing on the floor and looked up at him offering him his hand.

* * *

Magnus had picked up dinner from Sao Paolo and the whole institute smelled of spices and barbecue. Sitting around the table and catching up with everyone was always the best part of coming back home. His mom and Luke had joined them for the occasion. Izzy and Simon seemed more in love than ever and was lacing fingers between their plates, using every break in conversation to look at each other. It was actually a bit unsettling to see his little sister showing affection that obviously. His mom and Luke were mostly interested in Alec and Magnus’s lives and Alec’s work, but at some point there is only so much to tell.

After a third degree interrogation, which Alec thought was over, his mom asked about their spare time, if they had time to even see each other. Alec nodded and paused. The only thing resonating in his mind was the hunt for help and answers through the entire shadowworld, and before that, they _hadn’t_ seen each other. Magnus took his hand and gave some routine everything-as-usual answer. Surprisingly, Jace joined the conversation with more than two words and suddenly had to tell Magnus and Alec about a hunt in the outskirts of town.

After dinner Alec pulled Jace aside with the excuse that he needed Jace’s insight on an assignment he was planning. Jace followed reluctantly and Alec was sure that he too had seen that they weren’t fooling Izzy and Clary.

“So are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jace closed the door to the library with a curious smile. He drooped himself deep into one of the armchairs and gestured for Alec to take the other.

Alec sat down and sighed as it set int that he couldn’t hide much from Jace. Just like he knew Jace was hurting.

“I’m here because of you? Of course, I’m distracted when you’re keeping me up too.”

Jace nodded but still kept looking at him with those investigative eyes. “You’re not just tired. You’re happy.”

Alec looked up and found Jace smiling at him.

“I might be tired, but I know how you are too, remember? You’re exhausted and not just because of me. Something is going on. Something good.”

Alec turned his head away and then stared firmly at the floor. He didn’t want to tell. There was nothing to tell anyway, and Magnus ad promised him to keep it a secret. He couldn’t jut spill it like this.

“Jace. It’s noting big and not priority now, you need to sleep. The nightmares are only getting worse the more exhausted you get. You know that.”

Alec heard Jace fill his lungs and let the air out in a carefully controlled long exhale. “We can talk about that later. It’s not like you’re leaving before I do anyway.”

Jace sounded almost sad, but Alec could feel the fear radiating from him.

“Alec.”

With his hands firmly holding each other in his lap, Alec looked up at Jace.

“I knew when you and Magnus became real, I knew the second you had decided to marry. You can’t tell me that this isn’t just as good. You’re almost vibrating; it may very well be the only thing keeping me from hating everything right now.”

Alec bit his bottom lip and nodded. “Okay. You’re right.” There was no way Alec could hide the smile spreading on his face as he saw his Parabatai’s dark eyes gain just a little spark. “I can’t say anything. I… Magnus and I agreed to keep it a secret, for now.”

Jace stood up and offered Alec his hand. With Alec pulled to his feet, he hugged him. This time a long and heartfelt hug. “I’m so happy for you. I don’t know what can come close to getting married, but no matter what it is; I’m happy for you and Magnus.”

Alec rested his chin one Jace’s shoulder for a second and did his best to blink the burning in his eyes away before they would look at each other again.

“Alec?!”

Jace pushed them from each other and held Alec by his shoulders in arm’s lengths.

“Are you adopting?”

Alec shook his head but had to look down to hide the hint of a smile. Jace lifted his face with a hand cradling each side. “By the Angel! You are!”

There was no way Alec had expected to see a genuine smile from Jace this time home, but the joy on his face now, had eased the tension of his stomach enough that he breathed a little easier.

“You can’t tell anyone. We haven’t had any luck yet.”

Jace hugged Alec tight again and Alec held his brother close just long enough that he felt him rest a bit heavier on his shoulder.

“Jace…” Alec put a hand on Jace’s neck and looked him firmly in the eyes. “Let Magnus help you sleep. Your body is giving up.”

Jace looked down and let his hands find each other in front of his waist. “You don’t understand. Last time…” He stopped himself and with a few steps turned away, leaving Alec to look at his hunched back.

“I know that last time, Magnus had you sleeping for nine hours, but I felt your fear. Did you remember when you woke up?”

“Magnus didn’t tell you?”

Alec shook his head, but realized that Jace couldn’t see it. “He said you didn’t want me to know, I just figured that he could see what you were dreaming.”

Jace shook his head and when nothing else happened, Alec stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Jace?”

“He didn’t see, but…” He took a deep breath and turned to look at Alec with tears in his eyes. “The nightmares were already too strong when he could see that I was dreaming and he couldn’t stop them. His magic kept me sleeping longer before I woke up, but eventually I did… six times.”

Why had no one told him? Why hadn’t he demanded answers about how it went? He knew Jace had been terrified. Why hadn’t he broken down the door?

“I… I’m sorry. I should have done something.”

Jace bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head slowly. “No Alec. The next night was better and then they stopped, remember?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Now you know why I can’t. It’s better if I just sleep a little each night.” Jace took a step back and looked at the floor.

“Look, I get it.” Alec waited for Jace to look at him; it didn’t happen. “But you can’t keep this going. You’re not sleeping every night anyway. There has to be another way.”

“I don’t think there is.”

Jace caught a tear before it dripped from his lashes. Carefully not to overwhelm the tired man, Alec slowly stepped closer and took one of his hands.

“You’ve never wanted anyone to know, and you didn’t want anyone but Magnus in there when he makes you sleep, but what if I can help?”

Jace lifted his head and tears rolled down his cheeks as he looked at Alec, with a curious mixture of relief and added fear in his eyes.

“I’m not sure…” He shook his head. “I don’t think that I can…” Jace looked down at their hands.

Alec lifted his hand and covered their hold with his other hand. “Maybe I can feel your fear before Magnus can see it.”

Jace was silent as he was thinking it over, but he didn’t look like he trusted the idea to work. “Alec I…” He kept his eyes on their hands. “I still don’t… what if it doesn’t work?”

Alec pulled Jace close and wrapped his arms around him and place a firm hand on his neck. “Then I will be in the room. I’m sure I can wake you.”

The small gulp of air and sniffle was tearing Alec apart. After all they had been through, the pain they had shared, physical and emotional, there was nothing worse that Jace being scared. And right now he was petrified.

“Let’s at least talk to Magnus, okay?”

* * *

Izzy had promised that no one would come into the infirmary ward, and Alec had a sense that her and Clary would be sitting on the other side of the door all night. Jace had questioned why they were there and not in his bedroom, but Alec and refused to lie on Clary’s side of the bed and had moved two beds together in the ward instead.

Jace’s hand was shaking in Alec’s. There was no way that Alec could imagine what Jace possibly was going to go through, but he knew about his childhood, and the four years after Clary entered their lives had been especially hard on him. There was enough nightmare fuel for anyone to handle, but most of the time, Jace did.

Alec turned his head and looked at the pale face next to him.

“Jace.”

Jace hummed still keeping his eyes on the ceiling.

“You’re good. No matter what happens you’ll be better tomorrow.”

Jace nodded and with the motion a single tear ran towards his ear.

“Alright. Let’s get you sleeping.” Magnus didn’t look directly at Jace.

Alec hadn’t noticed the distance between Jace and Magnus before the talk in the library, they were never two to hug each other lots anyway, but there was definitely an awkwardness. Magnus looked guilty and sorry every time he looked at Jace and Jace just looked small.

Jace closed his eyes and his grip on Alec strengthened and shook more. Alec held on tight, to make sure Jace knew he would still hold on when Jace couldn’t.

Magnus held a hand hovering, only a few inches, over Jace’s forehead and one over his chest. Warm yellow light spread on his palms and spread slowly in two beams down to Jace. Jace’s breathing sped up and his chin quivered.

“Wh…” Jace was half gone as he tried to make only a whisper. “W-wait…”

“Shh…” Alec lifted Jace’s hand and held on with his other hand too. “I’ve got you.”

Jace’s arm got heavy and his lungs slowed down. The light faded to only two glowing spots on Jace’s forehead and chest. As Jace’s fear let go, Alec breathed easier and placed his and Jace’s hand back on the crack between the two mattresses.

Magnus sat down on a chair next to Jace. He placed his elbows on his knees with a silent sigh.

Alec took in air to whisper without making any movement. “Magnus?”

Magnus looked up at him, suddenly more worried that before and Alec realized that he might have indicated that Jace was dreaming. He shook his head and watched his husband’s shoulders sink.

“Magnus. Are you okay?”

Magnus nodded and locked his eyes on Jace again. “Just concentrate please.”

There was no worry right now, but Magnus was right, it was on him to catch every little sign. He turned his face towards the ceiling and closed his eyes. Concentrating on only the connection between him and Jace. If he only could catch the signs before they were there.

It wasn’t hard to stay on focus and there was no chance that Alec would sleep, but after half an hour he used his stamina rune to feel completely sure that he was still at his best. He put the stele down next to his thigh, sure to still have it within reach. He relaxed back into the pillow and wished for half an hour more of nothingness for Jace.

Alec’s chest felt suddenly uneasy. Not his lungs, mostly an absence of the calmness. It was hardly a change but it was there.

“Magnus.”

Before he could turn his head Magnus was standing over Jace, rubbing small sparks between his fingertips. Alec’s lungs tightened and he did his best to stay calm. Jace needed him to be the safety line now, he couldn’t freak out.

Just as the small muscles around Jace’s eyes started to react to something, Magnus put an index and middle finger on each of Jace’s temples. “Relax now.” Magnus’s voice was sturdy as always when he worked, but there was more hope in it that confidence.

Jace turned his head a little and hummed in distress but Magnus kept in place and the sparks kept going, nonetheless. “You’re safe. Jace come back.”

Jace stilled, and Alec’s chest was released from pressure and he took a deep breath.

“There you go. Good boy.”

Magnus looked to Alec for confirmation and when he got it he seemed as if all the world’s worries left him.

Alec’s thumb was lightly rubbing the back of Jace’s hand as he closed his eyes again. It was easier now. It was working, but they were in for a long night.

* * *

Alec and Magnus prevented eight nightmares in seven hours. The eighth hour was quiet and when the ninth was too, Magnus took his magic off Jace. Both Magnus and Alec stayed like they had all night, sure to be there if Jace would dream again.

Three more hours went by with Jace sleeping dreamless on his own, before he turned his head with a deep sigh. Magnus was on his feet in an instant, but Alec shook his head for him to stay back.

When Jace’s eyes blinked open, he turned towards Magnus sitting next to him.

“Magnus?”

“Good to have you back.”

Magus looked tired and relieved enough to pass out, and when Alec sat up, a clearly confused Jace, looked up at him. Alec placed Jace’s hand on his chest and for the first time in over twelve hours, he let go of his brother’s hand.

“How long…” Jace pushed himself up and looked quickly at Magnus, before studying Alec from head to toe, settling on his eyes. “You look like crap.”

“Yeah, well. Being at high alert for twelve hours will do that to ya.”

“Twelve…” Jace shook his head as if he’d never heard of someone sleeping that long.

Magnus stood up and moved his chair back to the desk where it belonged. He turned and looked passed Jace, directly and Alec. “If we are doing that again tonight, you’re going to sleep all day.”

Alec was exhausted but to sleep now, at 10 am, was ridiculous. He swung his legs out and tried to stand, but Jace had gotten a hold on the back of his t-shirt and held him down.

“I don’t see the need for doing this again. I figure that I’m well rested. But Magnus is right; you need sleep.”

The more they talked about sleeping, the better it sounded, but there was something he needed to do. Something he needed to make right. Somehow he wasn’t sure either Magnus or Jace would be good if he was not there between them. Magnus still didn’t look directly at Jace.

“Magnus. You’re tired too.”

While Jace got out of bed, Magnus walked around to Alec’s side with a big and soft smile.

“I am, and I’ll sleep too, later. You worked hard; how many times did you use that?” Magnus looked at the stele but didn’t let Alec answer before pushing him gently down on his back. The answer wouldn’t have helped either way. It was too many times.

Alec ignored the guilty look on Jace’s face when he realized that Alec had had to use his stamina rune all night. This was nothing compared to the lengths the two of them would go for each other.

“Magnus… c’mon.” Alec wasn’t really arguing, he didn’t even fight it when Magnus covered him with a thin blanket. Sleep sounded pretty damn good right now.

Magnus just smiled and leaned over him to place a quick peck on his forehead. “Sleep.”

“Yeah sleep.” Jace was already at the door. “If we decide that I don’t need help tonight, we’ll wake you so you can still sleep then.”

As if to pause everything, Alec took Magnus’s wrist. He pushed himself up on one elbow. “If _we_ decide?”

Jace smiled and looked at Magnus, who seemed equally confused. “Yeah, _we_; me and Magnus. We’ve got things to talk about anyway.”

How would that statement ever leave Alec able to sleep? Seeking more information than that, Alec kept his eyes locked on Jace, but no more information was given. Jace only smiled at Magnus, and somehow that was enough for him to push Alec down again.

“Get some sleep. What can he do to me anyway?” The voice was lower and felt softer. Alec’s shoulders relaxed and the mattress felt softer. Years back, Alec would have wondered if there was some kind of magic involved, but now he knew that it was just the effect Magnus’s voice and caring eyes had on him.

Magnus brushed a strand of hair from Alec’s forehead and Alec was almost out when Jace’s hand landed on Magnus’s shoulder. “Good enough you two. Let’s get out of here before he starts snoring.”

* * *

Magnus had tried to play angry that Alec had told Jace about there plans, but Alec had seen right through it. When Jace told him, he first thought that he would have to defend the decision or the choice to try and keep it a secret, but Jace had been only happy. Magnus and Jace didn’t always see eye to eye, but he respected Jace as the important part of Alec’s life as he was and he knew that Jace felt the same way about him. Maybe it was the news about the child or the 12 hours of sleep, that had Jace lowering his guards and thank Magnus for the help he’d provided with his sleep over the last years. Even last time. Magnus tried to apologize, but Jace didn’t let him. Magnus had hated himself for having done that to him. He knew it was the only way, but it was not pretty and the two of them hadn’t seemed to talk more than the polite hellos and goodbyes since.

They had agreed that they should make sure that Jace could sleep without going to bed anxious before Magnus and Alec left. Magnus had climbed into the small infirmary bed with Alec, and gotten a few hours himself before they both got up for dinner and then another night of keeping awake. Jace hadn’t been feared it, even though it was clear that he still felt embarrassed about the whole thing. Magnus took the magic off after six hours and Jace slept almost two more. There was no nightmares.

Magnus was sure that Alec was exhausted the day after too, but he didn’t sleep. He used a lot of time in Izzy’s office, with the excuse that he was working, but every time Magnus came in with something for him to eat he was just staring at his phone.

The conversation with Jace had left one thing clear in Magnus’s mind; Alec was looking forward to having a child. He was happy, _really_ happy. Whenever Alec looked up, Magnus saw it in his tired eyes. It was clearer now than the last days. If it was Jace’s approval, or that Magnus simply saw it better now, didn’t matter. Maybe that’s why Magnus wasn’t surprised when Alec told him that he’d finally gotten a contact to the High Warlock of York and was going to call him already that same night.

After the third night in the New York Institute Magnus was in a hurry to get home. He could feel Alec shake with excitement and secrets from the other side of the room and luckily, he seemed to be in a hurry to leave too. They said their goodbyes with everyone and they both had Jace promise to call if he had a nightmare and he was nervous about sleeping.

* * *

Magnus closed the portal opening in their living room. “Let’s hear it. Did Marlowe have a good story to tell?”

“You don’t want to settle in before you question me? At least hang your jacket.” Alec took his off and reached out to take Magnus’s too.

“You have been fluttering with excitement all morning.”

“Hey. I don’t flutter.”

Magnus graced the back of three fingers over Alec’s jaw. “You do. But not often; that’s why I’m demanding explanation.”

“Oh you do?” The playfulness in Alec’s eyes were a welcome sight after the last days. He kissed Magnus slowly and light and then pulled him to the couch and down to sit with him.

“I talked to Marlowe and it’s real. All of it.”

Magnus couldn’t decide if he should trust the pure happiness in Alec’s presence or his own understanding of the world they lived in.

“Magnus?” Alec took his hand and leaned in to find Magnus’s line of sight, but Magnus didn’t focus on anything particular. “You know what this means, right?”

After a few seconds Magnus found Alec’s shining eyes. “I thought it was a tale. I never…”

Alec smiled and took Magnus’s other hand too. “Me neither. It was just something to do, something I couldn’t let go, but now we don’t have to think about a donor. We can have one with just our DNA.”

Magnus’s stomach curled. “No Alexander. It’s not a good idea.” Magnus pulled his hands away and tried to stand but Alec held him with a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t see why. It has to be easier to find someone to carry a child if the question about where the egg should come from isn’t there. I see that maybe the magic will scare someone away.”

Magnus kept his eyes on his knees and his hands tightly locked together on his lap. He would never have told that story of he thought that there was the slightest chance… He squeezed his fingers tighter around themselves to prevent his hands form shaking.

With a strong hand on both of Magnus’s shoulders, Alec turned him towards himself. “You’re the most powerful warlock I’ve heard of. The most powerful Alicante has heard of. Everyone know that your work is good, that it’s safe.”

Magnus shook his head slowly. Alec was missing the point. He didn’t question his ability to do this if he got the right information. He just didn’t want to.

“Magnus, please say something.” Alec put his hands over Magnus’s shaking ones. “If we don’t find one who want to, the pregnancy was real too, remember. One of us could carry.”

Magnus shook his head and looked up. Alec’s before happy face was now covered in worry and confusion. “Alexander, you’re getting this all wrong.”

“What am I getting wrong?”

Magnus stood up and turned his back. “I told you that we should have _your_ child. Not mine… I wasn’t saying that because of your family.”

There was silence behind him. He could sense Alec’s curious eyes boring onto his back.

“Magnus. Why?”

“I’m half demon.”

The hand grabbed his arm before he heard Alec move and he was pulled back down. Alec’s slightly shaking hand didn’t loose up.

“You are, and so what? It’s not a disease. It made you powerful and strong and immortal.”

It was difficult to keep sitting there and listening to the good Alec had to say about him, when he knew that it wasn’t the whole truth. He swallowed to keep his voice from shaking. “When I found out what I was. I didn’t handle my magic well… I can’t let someone have a childhood like that.”

“And you won’t.”

The prompt answer had Magnus look up and find Alec smiling at him. Still surprised, Magnus hardly reacted when Alec leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“Love. You didn’t have anyone. Asmodeus wasn’t a father. Our child will have two.”

Tears build in Magnus’s eyes. It was hard not to believe Alec when he talked so passionate and sincerely, but Magnus had live it. Having a child with magic was too big of a risk. He looked down as the first tear slowly broke from his eye.

“Having a child is big enough. But we don’t know if it will be a warlock or a Shadowhunter. What if I fail teaching…? I just couldn’t live with myself.”

Two fingertips pushed his chin up and another wiped away the tear. “And you won’t have to. Magnus look at me.”

Slowly, Magnus convinced himself that he could look up and his eyes found Alec’s.

“You will be the best dad. I’m sure of it. If I had only known you through this conversation, I would still be sure. Your fear is just proof that you will do everything to make sure our child is happy and will grow up to be the best person he or she could ever be.”

As Alec wiped away a tear more from each cheek, Magnus found himself smiling at his persistent husband.

“No one inherits bad childhoods; they get placed in them by their parents. The only thing our kid will inherit is those beautiful eyes. Everything else it will learn by watching you.”

Alec cradled Magnus’s chin’s with both hands and kissed him slowly. Alec had stopped shaking a long time ago, and now Magnus, slowly, was too. Alec let his hands drop to Magnus’s and held them tight, waiting for Magnus to look up at him again.

“You will be the best thing to happen to that child. And you’re not alone, remember?”

Now it was Magnus who pulled Alec in for a kiss. Alec’s ability to make him feel whole and enough when he was doubting everything, just got better and better. They both had their things and Magnus was sure the hours, Alec had walked around thinking about suggesting this, had been used with an inner dialogue not too far from this. Minus the demon thing.

Magnus put his hand on Alec’s neck and looked deeply in Alec’s eyes. “I’m sorry. How could anything go wrong when you will be there with me?”

Alec’s hand covered Magnus’s as he leaned into the touch. “We can do anything together, right?”

“We can.”

The warm hazel eyes looking into Magnus’s lit up and Alec breathed in a little faster. “Does that mean…?” He stopped himself as if he didn’t dare to ask and Magnus nodded with a smile.

“Let’s call Marlowe again and figure out how to make a child of our own.”

Before Magnus could react, Alec had stood up and pulled him to his feet. If it was the fast movement, the strong arms holding him tight or the passionate kiss, that took his breath away he didn’t know. His feet touched the floor when Alec loosened his grip, and Magnus leaned into his chest to feel it calm down in pace with his own.

The first brake of silence was only slightly louder than a whisper. “Magnus?”

Magnus let there be space between their chests and looked up.

“So you’re okay with the DNA thing?”

With a smile Magnus picked up both of Alec’s hands in one bundle and kissed the back of one. “Didn’t I just day that?”

A small almost silent chuckle past Alec’s lips.

“So, if we don’t want to wait to find a surrogate…? Are you’re okay with the pregnancy?”

Magnus bit his lower lip as he looked into Alec’s eyes. There was so much optimism, almost euphoria. It was impossible to feel the knot, he know would be in his stomach, and suddenly he realized why: Half of the joy in Alec’s eyes, was his own mirror image.

“What do you know?”

Alec’s jaw dropped in surprise over the answer but hastily straightened his back with a deep breath and picked a piece of excessively folded stationery out of his tight jeans pocket. “Ehm. He gave me this name. She’s a warlock in Juneau.” He fumbled the paper open. “Elisapee Azure… She was there.”

"Alaska..." Magnus took the paper and read Alec’s shaky letters. There was just the name and city. “She’s not a High Warlock?”

“No. Marlowe said that she knew the two warlocks and that she was the one to oversee the… experiments. He said that we would need to talk to her.”

“We do.” Magnus folded the paper in half with the name on the outside and held it up between their chests. “It’s not an approved process. We will need to have it sanctioned by some one who will testify that they believe it’s safe. Alexander, I’m not sure…”

Alec wrapped his hands around Magnus’s, crumbling the paper slightly. “I am. I want to do this.”

Magnus’s knees shook and for a second the only support he had was Alec’s hands around his one and his other grabbing Alec’s forearm. “_You_ want to?”

Alec took Magnus’s elbow, smiling as he did, as he had seen Magnus’s leg shake. “I want to. It make sense. I’m the diplomat and the one who can work without portalling.”

With his hands on Magnus’s hips he pulled him in close and kissed him softly and slow, only making small pauses for each word. “Let… …me… …give… …you… …a… …baby.”

Magnus froze and Alec must have felt his shock, because he stilled and with a smile he waited.

“A baby…” It sounded completely different than when they were talking about a child. Maybe it was just because he now had an age to put on the child in their dream, but everything seemed more real.

“Yeah, Magnus; a baby. Call her.”

There was no way that Magnus was hiding his excitement for Alec, he knew that but he needed him to know that this was still not a sure thing, that this would be difficult to say the least.

“Alexander…” Magnus pulled Alec with him to the couch again and sat them both down. “I don’t know how this will happen and I’m not letting you do it if it’s not safe. She still have to make sure you can handle the magic and everything else.”

Alec let his warm hand calmly grace Magnus’s jaw and settled it on the back of his neck.

“Magnus…”

Magnus nodded slowly and felt his lungs slow down.

“Call her.”

“You know…” Magnus put his hand on Alec’s hip where his Parabatai rune was. “…this is going to be a problem… both ways.”

Alec took the hand and kissed it as he looked Magnus in the eyes.

“Call her.”

With only a small nod he caused a single tear rolling down Alec’s cheek. Magnus wiped it away and got the one just escaping the other eyes too. He hugged his overjoyed husband tight.


	4. The Warlock or The Shadowhunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next step towards there dream, takes them to a very old warlock and doctor in Alaska.  
The needed stamp of approval isn't easy to get and things are getting real for both of them during the exam. Learning all about how the pregnancy and birth might come to pass, could be too much for Magnus and Alec to handle.

Alec dropped his Jacket right inside the door. He had had problems concentrating on the work and hadn’t managed to do much. As there was no meetings today, he’d decided to leave early.

“Magnus?”

“I’m on the balcony!”

Alec found Magnus half lying on one of the sunbeds. He gave him a quick kiss on the lips and sat down on the other.

“It’s a bit warm for black pants out here.” He knew that Magnus wasn’t bothered about the heat and never wore anything else unless they were on a beach, and then he would still pick a place where they were alone.

“I needed air.”

It didn’t skip Alec’s perception that Magnus kept looking back to his phone and notebook on the table just inside the door.

“Did you get a hold of her?” Alec couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice, and when a small smile appeared on Magnus he felt the suspense he’d had all day, climb to new heights. “You _did_. Didn’t you?!”

“I did…”

“So,” Alec cut Magnus off. “What did she say?”

Magnus put his feet on the terrace deck and leaned closer to Alec, putting his elbows on his knees. “Calm down, will you? I can’t get a word in.”

Alec straightened his back and took a deep breath. “Sorry.” He spoke with a lower voice. “So, what did she say?”

“She was surprised to say the least. But she was very down to business.” Magnus paused and took one of Alec’s hands and kept his eyes on it. Alec kept quiet and let Magnus continue. “She agreed to see us and give us her records, but she needs to do an exam, medical too, to make sure you’re a good _candidate_; her words.”

It had been one of the many thoughts roaming around in his head all day. Yesterday, Magnus had said that she needed to make sure before signing off on this, but the word _exam_ made it all that more real. Real was good, it meant they were getting closer.

“I never expected to go through this without it being a bit awkward. I’m okay with that.” Alec curved his back and neck to get eye-contact with his husband. “Are you?”

It was not secret between them that they both wanted this, but it _was_ Alec who had pushed it to happen this fast and to doing it this way. No matter how bad he wanted this, he didn’t want it if Magnus was not completely onboard.

“Alexander. I just worry that we’re rushing into something we don’t know what is. She didn’t seem apprehensive at all about seeing us, but she did say that we needed to prepare for this not being easy.”

Alec moved to sit next to Magnus and put a hand caringly on his neck. “Love. It took work to become two, why should it be easy to become three?”

Magnus chuckled and kissed Alec on his cheek. “I hope it won’t be _that_ hard. I hope I’ll never have to fight that hard for anything again.”

He was right; It was a wonder that the three years before their wedding hadn’t given Alec gray hair.

“Let’s at least go see her and figure out if I’m a _candidate_. We can decide after reading the records.”

Magnus nodded with a smile and pulled Alec in for a strong hug. With the wait of Magnus’s head on his shoulder he rubbed his back and lowered his voice again. “Alaska, it is then.”

* * *

Azure’s house were in the middle of nowhere. The door looked it would fall off its frame if they knocked too hard. She had opened the portal, since they had never been there, and they had ended up standing in about two inches of snow. Alec praised their luck that it was late summer and not in the middle of winter. The door opened before they had to knock. To his surprise the house was well kept inside and rather big. The only sign of the weathers toll was what he could see of the paint peeling off the outside windowsill.

“The Inquisitor and the High Warlock of Alicante in my house. I never thought I’d see the day.” The red head shook their hands with an unexpected strong grip for such a small lady. “But then again, under two years ago I never thought there would be a High Warlock of Alicante.”

“Neither did I.” Magnus took Alec’s hand and laced their fingers as they walked through the door to a living room decorated with more stuff than Magnus could have gathered over the years. Now it was Alec who thought he would have never seen the day.

The warlock, who didn’t look older than forty, turned towards them again. “Mr. Bane told me why you’re here. I gather you’re eager to get started.”

Alec cleared his throat and squeezed Magnus’s hand a bit. “It’s Lightwood-Bane. Just call us Alec and Magnus. It’s easier.”

She nodded and smiled at both of them. “You just call me Elisapee, we’re not big on surnames here after all.”

With confident steps and still a calmness to her she walked to the shelfs covering the entirety of the long wall and picked a green leather-bound book.

“This is the records of the times it have been done. Mark and William did it twice and another couple tried about fifty years later, but never conceived. Now, I can sanction it, if I deem it safe, but I haven’t left this town in almost half a century and I’m not going to now. I can’t be the one to do this.”

Alec never considered anyone but Magnus anyway. “That’s alright. We’ll manage.”

He looked at Magnus standing side by side with him. He was sure to be thinking about the small statistics on this. Alec lifted Magnus’s hand up to kiss it lightly before following the woman warlock towards the door in the back of the room.

Elisapee nodded and not wasting any time she put her hand on the door handle to the next room, but paused and looked firmly at them.

“This will not be easy. Pregnancies never are, but for a man to get pregnant and give birth…” She stopped herself and looked down at the book in her hand. “You need to consider this carefully.”

“We will.” Magnus let go of Alec’s hand and wrapped his arm around his waist. Alec was surprised to hear him talk with such ease to his voice. Maybe he had just taken it all in, he didn’t seem apprehensive or nervous now. “As long as it’s safe.”

“Well, let’s find out.” She opened the door and showed them into a small, but light and clearly well-equipped medical clinic.

Alec looked around and spoke with confusion in his voice. “Are you a doctor too?”

“I am. Mostly for Downworlders, we don’t have many Mundanes in town, but once or twice have come by. My office for magic is in the back.”

Magnus’s hand on Alec’s waist eased its grip a little and Alec stood free of him taking a step forward. “So, how is this happening?” For the first time he felt his voice shake a little, but he was sure that only Magnus noticed. He always did.

Elisapee gave Alec the book and looked at Magnus. “Jump up and lie on your back.” She gestured at the light green padded table in the middle of the room.

The men looked at each other. For the first time in forever Alec had doubt how Magnus felt about a situation, until Magnus slowly took the book from him and smiled with a little approving nod. Alec kissed his forehead and turned to the table.

“Actually. I’m the one who will be carrying. If it’s not a problem?”

The woman spun back around from what she was doing at the table against the wall. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed that a warlock… No it shouldn’t make a difference, magic works the same on all of us. Shadowhunters too.”

She nodded at the table and Alec sat up and swung his legs up too. Elisapee looked at Magnus and spoke over Alec. “He might actually be better off… with his size.”

Alec heard Magnus huff, but a smile was covering his face as Alec laid down and looked up at him.

Elisapee stood on the opposite side from Magnus and put her hand on Alec’s shoulder. “I guess you already have a warlock at hand then. Magnus is certainly a good choice; the stories of the latest years have made it all the way up here.”

Alec took Magnus’s hand and felt Magnus hold him tight with both of his. He was sure that Magnus could do it. Alec had always felt safer with Magnus’s magic than any other warlock, but to have a warlock over twice as old as Magnus give him that approval, made this choice so much easier.

Elisapee stood free of the table and stood next to Alec’s feet. “You need to let go of each other. Magnus, I can’t have your energy interfering with what I’m seeing.”

With Magnus’s loving eyes looking down at him, Alec loosened his hand and Magnus placed it down by his side and took a few steps back.

His feet tingled and soon all the muscles in them tightened till the point where they were shaking. Just before it became too much, the feeling spread to his ankles and then his lower legs. He breathed in deep to keep some kind of control to keep his legs on the table when his knees shook. His thighs were almost burning; not painfully, but like his muscles burned at the end of a little too excessive training. The feeling hit his hips and his back arched from the table in response.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Magnus step closer.

“Alexander?”

Magnus spoke quietly but clearly in need of some kind of explanation, even though he must have seen things like this before.

“I’m…” The shaking moved over his stomach and the muscles around his midsection pushed all the air from his lungs.

“He’s not in pain.”

She wasn’t lying, it didn’t hurt, but when her hands, and the light he hadn't been able to see before now, moved to hover over his chest, he was sure he would suffocate. Not able to even gasp he closed his eyes, not to show the hint of panic he knew was there. As the magic arched his neck and tightened his jaw his lungs relaxed and automatically hauled in a long and strong breath. His head felt like he was just waking up from a knockout, except the headache.

When it stopped he fell flat on his back, completely relaxed and his lungs already close to normal speed. Magnus grabbed his hand and when Alec looked up he was right there over him, looking down with worried eyes.

“I’m okay, Magnus.”

Magnus nodded and build a smile. “I know, I’m familiar with the procedure. That’s not going to stop me from worrying about you, though.”

Alec cupped Magnus’s cheek. “You’re incorrigible.”

“You want me to change?”

He brushed his thumb over Magnus’s cheekbone. “Never.”

Gathering all four hands in one grip, they both looked at the doctor, who was silently waiting for them to come back to the issue at hand. Magnus spoke first. “What’s the verdict?”

“I would think that years of fighting demons would leave quite the trace, but that healing rune have done good.” She looked at Alec and smiled reassuringly. “There’s no illness or other things we need to take care of, and you’re in impeccable shape.”

Alec would have thought that the times tracking Jace and other times being close to death would have made a lasting impact on his body, but he would have Magnus to thank for preventing that.

“The rest of the exam will not be on your health; you clearly don’t need that.”

She rubbed her hands and bright white light build on her palms. “I’ll focus on if your body is built to handle the pregnancy and birth.” Looking at Magnus she nodded as her smile disappeared. “You can keep holding his hands, and you should; this will hurt.”

Magnus barely managed to turn his face down towards Alec’s before two hands pressed strongly down on the front of Alec's hips. He felt the warmth inside his pelvis build almost immediately and fast. Clinging on to Magnus’s hands he locked his jaw not to scream and turned his head far to the side; trying to distance himself from his burning bones. Elisapee's hands moved along his belt to his sides and the fire became white-glowing. Not in control, he arched his back and let out a growling scream.

“Alexander!” The word hardly made it through, but Alec already knew that Magnus’s face was right over his. A hand covered the side of his head and all he wanted was to lean into the familiar feeling, but the woman’s hands pushed under him and didn’t have to assist in lifting his hips from the table entirely. He screamed out again and was sure he pulled Magnus’s hand close enough to his chest that the man would be lying on him soon.

The heat disappeared faster than it had started. Elisapee’s hands were still on his hips and helped ease his descend to the table.

“Alexander…? Cintaku?” Magnus’s fingers drew small lines on his hairline and finally Alec could lean into the hand.

“I… I’m…” It was difficult talking while panting for air. He looked up at his husband and as instinct he smiled to ease his worry.

“Sorry about that, Alec. I know it’s excruciating.”

Alec looked at the woman standing by his side. “What…? What was that?”

“I tested the strength of your pelvis. A male pelvis isn’t made for the strain from a pregnancy, most men are not able to carry a child to term. But you are.”

She put her hand back on Alec’s shoulder. He didn’t mean to flinch under her touch, and she didn’t address it. “Magnus will have to help you with the birth; _no_ man is build for that.”

Alec looked at Magnus again and brushed his hand up his arm to rest on his shoulder. “Magnus, I’m okay.”

He’d just gotten his breath back in order when Elisapee stepped back again and caused him to hold it for a second.

“Don’t worry. That was the hard part and there’s only one thing left.”

Alec felt Magnus’s hands and shoulder relax a bit more.

Fingers snapped and things moved by his legs. Magnus’s face dropped and froze. Alec sat up and inspected the high leg rests. He’d not considered this part, but somehow it made sense. She had been talking about birth and not cesarean section, but he’d never thought that part of it through; how could he? He didn’t know how any of that would happen.

“I need you to take your pants off and put your legs on these.”

Without a word he let go of Magnus and stood on the floor next to him. He didn’t look at Magnus as he stripped his lower body from clothes and waited as the woman folded down the part of the table where his legs had just been. Suddenly it was painfully obvious that she was very much a stranger.

“You two decide if Magnus will stay or not.”

Alec had his back to Magnus. They were not unfamiliar with each other’s bodies. Magnus was the only one who had seen his adult body naked and Alec would very much prefer to keep it that way, but he guessed that no one got that luxury when pregnant.

Alec heard the timid step towards him as he sat down on the edge between the leg-rests. “Alexander?” His voice was quiet.

There was a long part of his life where he would never had let anyone see him in such a vulnerable situation, but things change and, no matter how embarrassing this was, he couldn’t do it without Magnus in the room.

“Stay.” The word was only slightly louder than a whisper.

Alec laid back and looked to the ceiling. Laying back like that, showing his naked front to the whole room made him feel even more exposed than when standing. Even if it was only Magnus and a doctor in the room. Another snap of fingers sounded and golden glitter in the air turned into a white sheet hanging over his hips, blocking his sight from where the doctor sat down. Somehow it was better not seeing her look at him. She took hold of his lower leg and soon she would see more than his front.

With his legs raised and spread he tried to forget that there was a person on the other side of the sheet, but as soon as hands placed themselves on his hips that fantasy was over.

“Move down a bit.”

Alec moved and heard something he could only imagine was hands fighting to get into gloves.

“Okay.” A small chair rolled a bit closer. “Magnus’s magic will do most of this when you’re giving birth, but he will be busy with other things too, so I need to know that you can handle the part you have to do yourself in-between.”

It wasn’t possible for Alec to even imagine how he would ever get a baby out that way. He figured that they could read it in that book and decided not to prolong this with questions. He tried to zone out and just wait for this to be over so they could go home and just be themselves again.

“This will be a little cold.”

“Shit!” He jumped. “A little?!”

“I’m sorry, Alec. It will warm up soon.”

It already was, but it didn’t help him deal with the finger touching him again.

“I’ll feel inside first.” She added pressure and the tip of her finger broke through. “Alec, you need to relax.”

He turned his head to look for Magnus. He was standing a few feet away from Alec’s head. Alec lifted the hand closest to him slowly and reached out just a little.

“Magnus.”

Just as a start-gun had given Magnus permission to move, he came close with one step and took Alec’s hand in his. “Breathe, Alexander.” He brushed a hand through Alec’s hair and left it buried in there, supporting his head from turning away.

Suddenly, Alec found it easier to breathe and with a few deep ones he was able to relax enough for Elisapee to start working again.

She pushed in slow but deep and Alec gasped and arched his neck a little before he calmed again. The finger moved quickly, prodding and twisting, almost mechanically. He didn’t know what he’d expected, he hadn’t had time to expect much, but of course this was an examination and would feel like it.

Almost pulled all the way out, the fingertip was joined with another. Alec hissed from the sudden feeling of being stretched more. Magnus moved his hand down to cup Alec’s face and kissed his forehead. “Breathe.”

Alec nodded and returned the soft smile as he filled his lungs with air. It wasn’t painful, but the two fingertips feeling his muscle and pulling it wasn’t comfortable by far.

“Looks good.” The fingers moved out and he was left untouched. “Last thing and you can get dressed.”

Alec closed his eyes, breathing deeply, as Magnus had told him. Once again the cold lube sent shivers up his spine. “Warning, please!”

“Still, cold huh?”

“I would say so.” Alec did his best not to sound angry. Elisapee had been nothing but kind, and if he thought about it, she had only been doing what he’d asked of her.

They heard the familiar buzzing of magic. It wasn’t loud, so it couldn’t be that much, but Alec wasn’t comfortable with magic being so close to him between his legs.

“I warmed this up a bit, so I won’t touch you with something cold again.”

Something hard pressed against him and he automatically clenched. It was not like anything he’d ever felt before. They weren’t much for toys, not that Alec would think that there was many who would go for metal toys, anyway.

“Alec.” Elisapee was just reminding him, there was no blame or reprimand.

“Sorry.” Alec closed his eyes and moved his free hand to hold on the edge of the table. No matter if it was a subconscious thought or a coincidence, it did help him to not accidently move up the table as the long metal tube moved inside him. When it stopped he looked up at Magnus who was surely studying every sign on Alec’s face.

“I’ll open it up now. It will stretch and it will be uncomfortable.”

Everything so far was uncomfortable, so this could not be nowhere near okay. Nothing like the pain before though, and surely nothing like how the birth will be. Alec smiled and nodded. Before realizing that she couldn’t see him, Magnus kissed his forehead and with his eyes locked on Alec’s he spoke with his calm and steady voice.

“He’s good.”

The thing expanded and it didn’t take long before Alec felt it stretch more than the fingers had. This time it was deeper too. He tried to calm himself by closing his eyes and breathing in long and controlled breaths. Magnus’s thumb rubbed his cheekbone and his hand in Alec’s held on tighter as Alec squeezed hard on it.

His insides was beginning to ache and still the thing got wider. He gasped and threw his head to the side as the stretch in his ass started to burn.

Magnus’s hand froze on Alec’s face. “Alexander?!”

It hurt by now, it wasn’t comfortable by far. He sprung his hand from the table and grabbed Magnus’s wrist, holding his hand on his chin. He wanted Magnus to cradle his head no matter how much he turned it. The device move slowly, but kept expanding and Alec was close to kicking the woman away, if he only could keep his legs from tensing up.

“Almost there, Alec. You’re doing good. Hang in there.”

He was shaking and, he tried to stop it but, his breaths turned in to small moans of discomfort. The ache inside him turned to burning too and his eyes sprung open. Magnus was right there. Not worried, not sad or angry. Just there. Smiling as he pressed his forehead against Alec’s.

“Shh, cariño. I’m here.”

The thing stopped moving, but the pressure still kept Alec’s lungs from functioning correctly.

“No more. I’ll be quick about it so we can get this out.”

Magnus’s hand on Alec’s chin moved slightly again, caressing him slowly. “Are you alright?”

Still with their foreheads together they looked into each other’s eyes and Alec nodded. Magnus wasn’t really asking if he was alright, because he wasn’t, he just needed to know if Alec was still holding it together.

He wasn’t sure what happened, but he hardly felt anything before the thing mercifully closed and let him breathe. The pain was gone. He was sore, and was sure he would be at least a full day, but he didn’t feel anything to be worried about.

Elisapee rolled her chair around to Alec’s side and Magnus stood up straight so they both could see what she was showing. She wiped down a metal object with a white cloth and then held it up for them to see.

“This is how much you were open.” Alec was sure she was lying. He was sure she easily could have rolled an apple inside him, but it would have had to be a really small one, and it would still have gotten helplessly stuck in the device. Magnus’s hand in his tightened and the look on his face was more surprise than Alec had expected.

“No wonder he was shaking!” Magnus pulled Alec’s hand to his chest. “That’s too much!”

“It’s a lot yeah, but Alec…” She looked down with a smile. “You did great. I’m more than confident that you can handle the birth too. With Magnus’s help of course.”

A lot of Magnus’s help as it seemed. There was no way he was getting a full grown baby through that.

Elisapee stood up and let the sheet evaporate before their eyes. “Take your time to get dressed. There’s paper towels on the table. Come out when you’re ready.”

She left and Alec accepted Magnus’s help to get his legs down.

* * *

Alec wanted to take a shower as soon as they were back. Magnus had decided against joining him. He needed to read some of the book before Alec would be staring impatiently over his shoulder. Besides, Alec had already expressed more than once that he was tired of Magnus asking if he was okay, and Magnus didn't think he couldn’t erase the worry from his face just yet.

He poured himself a rather big glass of whiskey and found a glass to pour one for Alec later. He was sure they both needed it for this conversation. Magnus sat in the recliner and looked at the old binding of the book. He could already hear Alec turning the water off, so he just blew the dust of the top of the pages and opened the book on the first page. The dust was fitting for the look of the book anyway.

_The full records of conjuring male pregnancy. By Elisapee Azure_.  
_1502 anno domini._  
_ Case histories: year 1455 through 1502_

Alec had told him that Elisapee was there from the beginning and she’d seemed confident in what she was doing, but Magnus didn’t think that she’d been this involved. It made him feel better about the whole thing; that, and the fact that the book seemed extremely well organized.

_1\. Recommended pre-exam._

_2\. Potion: Uterus_

_3\. Uterus construction_  
_ a. Placement in carrier_  
_ b. Conjuring the uterus  
_ _ c. Attaching to anatomy of carrier_

_4\. Egg creation and placement_

_5\. The act of conceiving  
_ _ a. Symptoms after successful conception_

_6\. Symptoms and procedure after not conceiving_

_7\. Pregnancy_  
_ a. Recommendations_   
_ b. Records of possibly damaging activities_   
_ c. Possibly preferable added procedures in last trimester_

_8\. Symptoms of early unset of birth_

_9\. Birth_  
_ a. Womb_  
_ b. Pelvis_  
_ c. Opening of the passage_

_10\. Afterbirth_

_11\. Healing_

Magnus’s head was already spinning, but except from the names of the chapters and the year under the title, the book wasn’t more excessive than some of the pregnancy-books Alec had downloaded in the last days.

He figured that the first chapter was done with, and that the potion should be easy enough. Magnus swallowed a big mouthful of his drink and jumped to the chapter about constructing a uterus inside Alec’s body. He read the pages fast. The first was just detailed descriptions of how to get ready, which would certainly be useful later, but wasn’t that interesting now. He turned the next page and his eyes fell on a picture covering half a page. Alec would not be happy about that part of the procedure.

Alec opened the door behind him and Magnus hurried his eyes over the next two pages. He shook his head as Alec walked over wearing his comfy grey weekend-set and sat in the couch across the coffee table.

“Interesting reading?”

Magnus only held up a finger to silence the man and make him wait. These guys; Mark and William, must have been insanely desperate to have a child. To do this and not even know if it would work… He could only imagine how many failed experiments they would have done to get to this result. Even knowing what they know now, it was insane to consider. Were him and Alec really that desperate?

_Attaching _the homemade uterus to Alec, involved a lot of magic. Moving things around like that, opening and closing blood vessels was complicated. Taking it slow and doing one thing at a time, in the order as described, would mean that the procedure was safe; if Alec stayed still. But Magnus would have no way of controlling pain-management at the same time.

“Magnus?” Alec tried.

Magnus just lifted his finger again and frantically turned to chapter nine; The birth. He didn’t like that the last chapter was called _healing_. Reading the page under one of the illustrations of the internal male anatomy, he felt pearls of sweat form on his forehead. He turned the page and looking for only a second, he quickly smacked the bock closed.

“No Alexander!” Magnus sprung from the chair and held the closed book up for show. “There’s no way this is happening!”

Alec sat straight up on the couch, dumbfounded by Magnus’s outburst and Magnus didn’t care. He needed to make a point.

Magnus was winded and his hand were shaking on the book when Alec finally stood up and took it from him.

“What is it, Magnus?”

“It doesn’t matter, you’re not doing it.” He looked Alec directly in the eyes and tried to convince himself that the light, he’d just turned off in them, would come back when they started talking about a surrogate again.

“Okay.” Alec dropped the book in the couch and took Magnus’s shoulders firmly. “Okay, Magnus. If you don’t think it’s safe.”

Magnus closed his eyes while he took a deep breath calming himself. When he looked up at Alec’s face again, it was with every intention to tell Alec that it wasn’t safe. He sighed and bit the inside of his bottom lip and before he could hide that he’d done so, Alec’s frown appeared and pulled the investigator out in his eyes.

“Magnus?”

Magnus looked down and shook his head resignedly. “I believe that it’s safe, at least from what I’ve read so far, but Alexander…” He took Alec’s hand from his shoulder hand held it against his rapidly moving chest with both hands. “It’s too much for anyone.”

“What is? Magnus? I haven’t read anything yet, remember?”

“You will. Trust me before deciding, you…” Magnus stopped himself. There was no deciding. There was no doing this to Alec. It might be harder to put this idea behind him than he thought. He’d been just as excited as Alec, more concerned and apprehensive but he’d hoped just as much for this to work as Alec had.

“No, Alexander. There will be none of that.” Magnus took a step closer and his and Alec’s hands almost touched Alec’s chest too. “It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt a lot. I can’t…”

Alec combed his free hand through Magnus’s hair and prompted him to look up at his soft smile and patient eyes. Magnus shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Please cariño, I’m begging you; don’t make me do this to you.”

Alec hugged Magnus tight and kissed the top of his head. “Sweet Love. You’re not doing this to me. _We’re_ doing this _for us_.”

Magnus hung on to Alec’s waist as Alec cupped both of his cheeks and lifted his face up once again. “Tell me it’s not worth it. Magnus… a baby.”

The glimpse in Alec’s eyes wasn’t out completely and Magnus had to smile even as he shook his head. “Nothing…” He took a deep breath to erase the image of a baby between them. “Alexander, nothing is worth hurting you like that.”

Alec’s face fell. His chin twitched just once before he bit his lip and nodded. Magnus’s heart dropped to the floor. Alec trusted him so much that he’d take his work for it, without even looking in the book. He’d let Magnus stop their dream. A weird and short-lived dream but it had been strong. Now, there was no way to know, how, when and even _if_ they would take a child in.

“Alexander…” Alec looked up clearly not ready to speak without letting tears spill. “Let’s go back. Let me do it.”

Alec shook his head confused and wiped at a tear that hadn’t left the eye yet.

“I can get a warlock to do it. You will be there with me.” Magnus’s heart raced. He wasn’t sure who he would get to do it; Catarina would definitely slap him over the face for even hinting that they were considering this. But he could make it happen. He could find someone.

Alec sighed and took both of Magnus’s hands. “Magnus…” He made sure Magnus was looking at him and Magnus recognized that don’t-interrupt-me-now-look on Alec’s face. “I know you would never do anything that would mean that I would end up alone, so you have to believe that it’s safe. At least safe enough. You said that it was too much for _anyone_. That means you too, but now you want to do it.”

Magnus felt cornered and turned away, but held on to Alec’s hand on his shoulder.

“Magnus. I should be the one.”

Why did it feel so good being back to talking about this as if it was happening, while the thought of Alec going through that was making his stomach churn?

Alec walked calmly to the table and poured himself a small glass of whiskey and handed Magnus his.

“Come.” He took Magnus’s free hand and walked both of them to the bedroom. Slightly complexed Magnus sat down next to Alec on the foot end of the bed.

“Magnus. I’m the one doing it.” Alec’s matter-of-fact voice surprised Magnus and he looked up to a smile and a glass reached out for a toast.

Shaking his head and unwillingly building a smile, Magnus clinged his glass on Alec’s and took a sip of the drink.

“As for now, let’s say that we’ve decided to do it, but both of us can veto after reading the book. You read for safety, and I’ll read for pain and whatever else comes up that I might not feel good about.”

I seemed like a good plan, a reasonable plan, but there was nothing reasonable about this. Magnus couldn’t imagine watching Alec in pain by his hand.

“Hey.” Alec pushed Magnus’s shoulder a bit back, prompting him to turn and look at him. “What are you thinking?”

Magnus looked up at his husband, so willing to go through fire for this family.

“Why are you the one?”

Alec smiled and kissed Magnus’s forehead before looking him in the eyes again. “You never wanted to; I know. It was only when you read the book that you thought it was better. I’ve wanted to from the beginning. You’re always protecting me and I will need you to do that through this, but this time I’m taking the heavy load… literally.”

Alec smiled and Magnus retaliated as truth sat in: Alec could do this, it was only him holding them back, because it was hard to stand by and watch.

“Besides, you heard her. I’m the best _candidate_. I’m bigger than you, I’ll have it easier.”

Magnus downed the rest of his drink and smiled at Alec. “Your whole family are huge. The baby probably will be too.”

Alec chuckled and kissed Magnus quickly. “Maybe you’re just small.”

“Really?” Magnus tried to fake an annoyed look. “Size-jokes?”

Alec shrug his shoulders with a teasing smile, downed his own drink and pushed himself back to lie on the bed. Magnus took Alec’s glass and put it with his own on the bedside table. He climbed up on all four and with his hands on either side of Alec’s face he kissed him slowly on the mouth.

“Okay, I’m protective…”

“_Over_-protective.” Alec cut off.

“Not in this case, but you’re right; if I can do this, and I believe it's possible; then you can do it better.”

Alec, hung himself around Magnus’s neck and shoved his arm out from under them, making them both roll to the center of the bed. He took Magnus’s hand and laced their fingers between them.

“So, we’re really doing this?” Glistening deep hazel eyes looked into Magnus's, suddenly un-glamoured, cat eyes.

Magnus kissed Alec’s hand and nodded. “You are reading every page of that book tomorrow.”


	5. Begyndelse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No body promised it was going to be easy to place a working uterus in a man's body. In fact, everything so far have told them the exact opposite.
> 
> Also, the day Alec didn't object to Magnus calling him an american pet name.

Magnus had a client early in the morning. He’d woken up Alec and almost physically moved him to the couch and given him the book. He gave Alec a quick kiss and with a smile nodded demanding at him before he rushed out the door. After they had moved to Idris, Magnus had managed to have clients as well as being the leader he needed to be. There was no doubt in Alec’s mind that Magnus was living his best life, and he loved seeing the warlock rush to get everything ready to go and do what he did best. He knew that he would come home just as energetic, or maybe even more if it had been an especially good day.

Alec let out a pleased sigh and looked at the glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee on the table. Magnus was not one for drinking coffee often, but he must have thought that Alec needed it. Looking at the thick book, Alec would agree. He took a sip of the warm drink and opened the book on the first page. It was obvious that he’d already lived through the first chapter but Magnus had been reading all night and had made Alec promise that he would read everything too.

_CHAPTER ONE: RECOMMENDED PRE-EXAM._

_After the first two attempts (1455,1457ad) on the procedure explained in these records had unfortunate outcomes (clarified in later chapters). Mark Karlsen (warlock) ruled himself unable to bring a child to term. The differences between Karlsen’s stature and that of his lifelong partner, William Jay-Karlsen (warlock) was considerable and upon further examination he was recognized as the preferred candidate. The first child carried to term, with this procedure was carried by Jay-Karlsen. (1458ad) (and a second child 1461)_

_Clarifications of differences between Karlsen and Jay-Karlsen, and preferable traits and features for a candidate:_

This was going to be a very long day and Alec hoped it would get better soon. There was twelve pages of the same small handwriting on just this chapter alone.

When he’d read all twelve pages describing what he’d went through the day before and why, the coffee was gone and he still felt more tired than when Magnus had pulled him out of bed at 5 am. He stood up and took a few minutes to stretch his back, but soon convinced himself that he’d better get back to it if he was to read the remaining ten chapters today.

Chapter two was quickly done with though. The potion was Magnus’s domain and half of the ingredients Alec had no idea what was. The only thing he was going contribute with was a blood sample and he was okay with that. He’d done that before and even though he tend to look away, he’d never given it much thought.

The first page about the placement was unbelievably boring. Spells, words in a language he didn’t know mixed in with words he could swear was almost English. He turned the page and laid eyes on the picture taking up half of the page.

“Yeah, this drink isn’t strong enough.” He told himself and brought the juice to the bar table and poured in a fair amount of vodka.

He took a sip and a deep breath before he turned back to the couch and looked at the picture of the needle once more. He would have tried to convince himself that it was just like any other small needle to draw blood with, if it wasn’t for the fact that the precisely drawn picture had a hand holding the device. That needle was at least eight inches and he really hoped that the thickness was only because they couldn’t draw a thinner line. Suddenly he realized that he had a problem with _some_ needles. With a rather big sip of the drink he decided that he would be able to do that, Magnus would be the one to do it, so he would at least feel safe.

He decided to just quickly move his gaze over the pages with more spells. It was difficult enough to understand without the slight buzz from the vodka. The pages that caught his attention was the diagrams and drawings over what was going to get moved and reattached to what. Alec wasn’t much of a drinker, but living with Magnus had taught him to appreciate a good martini and mix it to his liking. Then there was the descriptions of how it had felt. He wasn’t sure if it was his soft sweatshirt and pants that made him suddenly warm or if it was the drink. As he read the testimonies, he kept reminding himself that the two first hadn’t gone well and probably wasn’t how it would be for him, but the descriptions from Jay-Karlsen didn’t differ much and the note in the back from an anonymous candidate was roughly the same too.

Magnus had been apprehensive and nervous from the start, but slowly convinced that it was safe and that the dream was real for both of them. Alec had known that from the beginning, but it was only now he felt the reason Magnus had held back. It was his turn to be nervous. At least they would both have gone through all the emotions when he was done reading.

Before Alec started on chapter four, about the egg, he slid out of his shirt and downed the drink. He shouldn’t have had that one or at least he shouldn’t have emptied the glass that fast. The discomfort in his stomach and the airiness in his head couldn’t bee form what he was reading. His brain wasn’t picking up much more than the sparse pictures and none of those looked good.

As he finally made it to the pictures of a newborn boy and girl, he had lost count of the drinks. It felt like the pictures was pulling his chest and his heart was beating fast enough that he could feel it. He almost didn’t hear Magnus come through the door.

“Alexander?”

Alec sat up straight and closed the book in his hand. “Livin room!”

Magnus came up behind the couch and kissed Alec on the cheek. Alec was sure he lingered on the martini glass, but there was only the one. He didn’t have to know how many times it had been filled.

“Goodd day?”

“Sure…” As Magnus walked around the couch, he studied Alec carefully. He was still only in sweatpants. “Yours?”

“Ghreat!” Alec pushed himself up to his feet and with every intention to hug Magnus, he never got up before falling back in the seat.

Magnus looked over the back of the couch to the bar and frowned. “You’re drunk. Alexander it’s ten in the morning.”

After his dizzy spell had settled, Alec looked up and sent Magnus a lazy smile. “Itd’s happy hour somevere. Besides, itd’s just a buzz.”

Magnus cradled Alec’s face and lifted it to look him in the eyes. “You’re slurring your words and you can’t stand on your own.”

Maybe he was more drunk than he’d thought before having to move and talk. Magnus was right about him standing anyway.

“Alexander… What happened?”

Alec looked at the book still in his hand. “I wass reading.”

“Okay.” Magnus sounded suddenly sad and Alec’s heart sunk when he took the brook from him and laid it on the table. He stood up and took both of Alec’s hands to pull him with. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“No! Wait!” Alec fought the movement and stayed seated. “You dond’t understand!”

His eyes were burning and his throat was tightening. This was all wrong. Magnus would think he was drinking his sorrows. That they wouldn't have a baby. It wasn’t true.

“Alexander…” Magnus hunched down in front of Alec and held their hands on his knees. “Calm down. What don’t I understand?”

“I’m…” Alec looked into those deep dark brown eyes and was sure Magnus was already mourning the idea of a baby. He concentrated on talking slow and getting the words right. “It is worth it. Magnus, I still want to.”

Tears flowed freely over his cheeks as Magnus’s face turned to confusion. Alec’s head was spinning and if he were to explain further, he wasn’t sure he could stand sitting upright any longer.

“But why…? Alexander, why are you like this?”

“It’s just a…” The room did a full spin around them and Alec closed his eyes. With no idea where to hang on he felt himself falling in an unknown direction. Warm and secure arms were around him and even if he didn’t feel steady at all, he was sure he wouldn’t fall and hit something. He wanted to explain, to tell Magnus that he was just freaking out, but not reconsidering this for a moment, but his words came out as mumbling and small sobs.

“Shh. Alexander, we’ll talk when you’ve slept this off.” Magnus pushed Alec back so they could see each other’s faces. Alec took a second with his eyes closed to regain some control of the spinning room. With a light thumb, Magnus wiped away a few of Alec’s tears. “Can you walk?”

Alec didn’t dare to nod so settled with humming a silent positive. He was sure he could walk if Magnus was there and he could concentrate on him and not the waves the floor was making. Magnus pulled him slowly to his feet and his stomach churned resulting in a gag and a tighter grip on Magnus’s arms.

Magnus put one arm around Alec’s waist and pulled Alec’s arm over his shoulders with his other hand. “Bathroom?”

Alec’s stomach tried to get rid of the fluid but Alec controlled it and took an unsteady step. By some miracle, or magic, Alec couldn’t tell, they made it to the toilet seconds before Alec folded in half and let go of the poison his blood hadn’t already absorbed. He clung tight to the seat and had to let his body do what it wanted.

His legs were numb and luckily his eyes didn’t let him see the mess in the bowl, even though he was sure it was only fluid. The only thing keeping him from falling to the floor was Magnus’s hands on his ribs.

Panting and limp he collapsed to the side and to his surprise his upper body moved slowly down. Resting in Magnus’s lap, he finally found enough control to open his eyes and look up at the loving smile over him. He felt soft fingertips moving damp hair from his forehead.

“Haven’t you eaten anything?”

The thought of food, had Alec gag and panicky he reached for the toilet to pull him self up, but his stomach settled before his could do so.

“Alright, alright. Breathe for a second and then you’re going to bed before you get cold.”

Just now did Alec feel the cold air on his torso and remembered that his shirt was in the couch. He managed to nod and give Magnus a sloppy smile, before the fear that Magnus thought that he was too scared took over and tears broke from his eyes again. He grabbed Magnus’s shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. Everything but Magnus was cloudy and somehow still moving too fast; it wouldn’t be long before he had to close his eyes to not roll off him. “Magnus… You…” He gasped for air.

“Not now cariño.” He brushed his hand gently over Alec’s face and Alec automatically let his head rest onto the touch. “You can explain everything later.”

* * *

Alec woke up to fingers playing lightly in his hair and a headache that was tearing him apart even before he opened his eyes. He sighed deeply and tried to move his heavy body but every joint was sore and he gave up with another sigh.

“Hey.” Magnus whispered. “I thought you were waking up.”

Slowly, Alec opened his eyes as was grateful to see that the only light in the room came from behind his back. It has to have been the table lamp on Magnus bedside table.

Magnus was sitting on a chair next to the bed, leaned in to reach the hand he was holding. “How do you feel?”

Alec groaned but instantaneously regretted the sound, now resonating in his pounding scull. Magnus smiled and brushed the last little curl of hair from Alec’s forehead. “Yeah, gin does not make for a pretty hangover.”

“My mouth tastes like pine.” Alec could feel the frown in his forehead build as he tried to swallow the dryness in his mouth.

Magnus chuckled and padded his hand a bit before reaching back for a glass of water. It took a lot of effort and disgruntled growls to get seated against the pillows, but it was worth it as soon as the water cooled his throat. It didn’t do anything good for his stomach though, and hurriedly, he swung his legs over the edge of the mattress.

“Stop. Where are you going?” Magnus pushed him back by his shoulder.

Alec was no match for Magnus in his state, not anyone really. He was sure Madzie could hold him down, without magic. He swallowed and breathed deeply, and somehow managed to control his stomach.

“I’m…” He stared at the floor and then towards the bathroom.

Magnus smiled and slowly lifted Alec’s legs up again. There was no hurry right now, as long as he didn’t drink any more water he was good for at least a few minutes.

“Relax.” Magnus put his hand on Alec’s stomach and warmth spread throughout his midsection and calmed every muscle that had been working hard to get everything out of him.

Alec breathed deeply and relaxed his back against the pillows.

“Better?” The smile on Magnus’s face as he sat bock down indicated that he already knew that Alec was a lot better.

“Thanks.”

Alec looked over the sparsely lit room and noticed Magnus’s untouched side of the bed. “Why are you sitting there?”

Magnus looked at the alarm clock. “I haven’t been sleeping. You slept for eight hours, but it’s still not even 7 in the evening.”

Through his still pounding head Alec remembered, or not completely remembered, what stated Magnus had found him in earlier and then he remembered why.

“Magnus, I’m so sorry…”

“Why?” Magnus cut Alec off. “You got drunk. It happens.”

Alec looked at his hand in Magnus’s and couldn’t decide if he should pull it away. “Not like this. You need to understand…” Alec reached over and took Magnus’s hands in his but the movement sent electricity though his scull and quickly he let go to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Here, let me.” Magnus reached for his forehead, but Alec pushed his hand away.

“No. Not now.” Alec wasn’t going to just let Magnus take away the pain he was sure he deserved. “I did this to myself.”

Magnus shook his head as he stood up. On his way to the other side of the bed he grabbed Alec’s ankles and pulled him down. Alec had no strengths to prevent the movement and ended up lying flat on his back. Magnus climbed into his side of the bed and sat on his knees next to Alec. He took the confused man’s hand and looked him in the eyes.

“You don’t have to feel like this. Let me help and then we’ll talk about whatever it is you need me to understand.”

Alec didn’t have time to object, not that he really wanted to, before soft light flowed over his head, down his rigid neck and out the heavy and sore legs and arms. Completely relaxed and pain free he actually liked the weariness he was left with.

Magnus laid down next to him and gestured for Alec to turn so they were face to face. As Alec did, Magnus stretched his neck and kissed him on the forehead. Eye to eye, Alec felt the curiosity up close and realized that he’d better start talking.

“It’s a lot. The book. I was just overwhelmed. Magnus, I still want to do it, please believe me. There was just so much. I had no idea it was this much work. Please Magnus. I didn’t get drunk because I was sorry that I couldn’t. I can. I still want to. You believe me when I say that, don’t you? Magnus pl…”

“Alexander.”

Alec looked into two kind eyes patiently waiting for him to realize that he’d just blurted everything he’d been thinking this morning, and Alec wasn’t sure it had come out in an order that made any sense.

“Alexander, calm down.” Magnus took his hand and held it tight between them. “Of course I believe you.” He kissed Alec’s hand and breathed in slow and calmly. “I want this, you know that. I know I can do what is described in the book and I know you can handle it. I’m not a fan of what you have to go through, but we decided that you were the one to make that choice. Remember?”

Without a word Alec nodded and looked down. Magnus was amazing, there was no pressure on Alec to choose either way. Which might would have made the choice that much harder, if he didn’t wanted this so bad himself.

“I want to.” The words were low but there was no doubt in them or in his eyes what he looked up at Magnus.

Magnus smiled and put his hand on Alec’s neck, pulling them close enough to share a long and deep kiss. When they let go Magnus chuckled. “You taste like pine as well.”

Alec shook his head. “Martinis… Gin.”

“I guess it will be awhile before you want another of those.”

Alec closed his eyes and remembered the feeling he woke up with and swallowed heavily. “Yeah you should have taken a picture of me and stuck to the bottles and I would never drink again.”

They laughed, but when they silenced, Magus looked serious. “Alexander.” He brushed his fingers through Alec’s thick locks. “You know we need to talk about what is in that book, whatever made you act this way.”

With a nod and another swallow Alec placed his hand on Magnus’s neck, gracing his thumb on his jaw, not sure if he was comforting Magnus or himself most.

“I’m scared.” It felt good to admit it without the fear of Magnus pulling the plug on everything. “Moving things around inside me, is kinda terrifying but, I trust you to do that and you know I don’t have a problem with _normal_ needles, right?”

“I know.” Magnus lifted Alec’s face and looked at him with a comforting smile. “So what? The pain?”

Alec nodded. “I’ve never wanted to do anything this much, but I’ve never feared pain before, either. It was just to much to figure out, while reading.”

“Okay.” Magnus spoke quiet as before but his words were firm and more clear. “And now, _after_ the reading? Is it easier now?”

“It is. It’s worth it. I want to give birth to our baby.”

The tears building in Magnus’s eyes had Alec’s hand shake a little on the hold on his neck. Magnus nodded and smiled before he took in air to speak. “I believe you. I’m not doubting that you want this, so this is the last time I’ll ask if you’re sure. You know you can always change your mind later, but I’ll stop asking.”

Alec kissed Magnus on the forehead. “Thank you. I’m sure.” He relaxed his neck and looked Magnus in the eyes before kissing his lips light and a bit too fast, but he needed to say this. “Just help me through it and we’ll be good. All three of us.”

* * *

Magnus had been in Beijing, Helsinki, Montevideo, a small unnamed community in Djibouti, and a few other places before, that he’d already forgotten. Every time he’d came through a new portal he’d texted or called Alec. He had been freaking out all morning as he realized that he needed someone on the council to make sure he’d gone over every possible law that could interfere with their dream. Alec had made the point that he would be okay if Helen was the first to know about the plan. He’d still been uneasy about going though. Alec and Helen had used hours reading though every paragraph of the Covenant that could be remotely related to magic, body-manipulation or to special or rare pregnancies and births. There was surprisingly few documents about the matter, but Alec wouldn’t have been himself if he didn’t check everything twice.

When Alec came home, Magnus was passed out on the bed and was woken with a small peck on his cheek.

“I see you got a few errands done.” Alec looked back into the living room where they could just see the table filled with all the stuff Magnus had brought home.

“A few?!” Magnus sat up and rubbed his temples. “Is it possible to get jet-lag if you’re back home before you have to sleep?”

With a chuckle, Alec shook his head and handed Magnus one of the sandwiches he’d brought home. “I think you’re just good old-fashioned exhausted.”

With all the traveling and the lists and making sure he had absolutely everything, he’d forgotten to eat all together. Of course Alec would know that. He looked at the sandwich, it wasn’t normally his thing to eat what they served at the Clave, but right now, his stomach didn’t care and neither did he.

“It’s a lot of stuff.” Alec sat down next to Magnus on the foot end of the bed and started eating too. Do you plan on making anyone else pregnant?”

Magnus did his best to look confused and mustered up his most disappointed voice. “I thought you said that you wanted four kids…”

“I’m gonna hear for that joke a lot, aren’t I?”

Magnus nodded and tried to control his smile as he chewed down another huge bite.

“It’s a lot of stuff because I got everything…” He took Alec’s hand and paused him from eating for a moment. “Not just for tomorrow, but for the entire pregnancy and birth. I’m not risking missing something when we need it.”

The smile on Alec’s face widened and made the look in his eyes seem softer than just tired from reading all day. “You’re…”

“Incorrigible.” Magnus broke off. “I know. And you love it.”

Alec put his strong arm around Magnus’s upper back and held him close to his side as he kissed him deeply. When they broke off, Alec kissed Magnus quickly on the forehead. “I do.”

Alec must have eaten during the day, because Magnus was finished long before him, Alec always ate faster, and more. But he _had_ spent the day with Helen and she could very well have force-fed him. Especially if she knew they were doing this tomorrow. Alec’s shoulders and back was hunched forward and he seemed to eat slower and once in a while he took these long deep breaths.

“You’re exhausted.” Magnus rubbed Alec’s back with a light hand and felt him take another deep breath. “What did you learn and the office?”

Alec stood up and dropped the remaining third of his sandwich in the trash before he pulled Magnus op to stand close to him. “We didn’t find anything. It’s good.”

A weight, Magnus didn’t know had been there, dropped from his shoulders. “So… so what now?”

Alec brushed his fingers through Magnus’s carefully styled hair and ended the movement by supporting the back of Magnus’s head, as he looked up at Alec.

“We’re sure, but if you think it’s okay, Helen can talk to Lydia then there’s two in the council backing me and if we get Aline too we have one more in the clave. No one can say that that many people overlooked something.”

Aline and Helen were living together so Magnus had already foreseen that it was only a matter of time before she knew, but Magnus had completely forgotten that Lydia was on the council now. There was nothing wrong with Alec working with her, and it wasn’t even awkward when they Magnus and she had met in the hallways or to social gatherings, but this still caused Magnus to pause.

“Magnus?” Alec hunched his neck a little to make sure their eye contact could be reestablished. “Is it weird?”

Magnus shook his head. It wasn’t really, he’d just never thought about who to tell first. “No. You text Helen and tell her it’s fine. But Alec…” He paused and pulled Alec closer with a hand on each hip. “I don’t have family, and few friends who are as close as yours. Don’t you want to tell anyone else?”

Alec shook his head and bit his bottom lip, and let it go with a smile. “No, not now. You know my family. They will react just like you did.”

He wasn’t wrong. As happy as Jace had been for them, he wasn’t as invested in it as they were. It would probably be better to tell them when there was no way back. Magnus nodded and pulled Alec towards the bed.

“We need sleep before tomorrow.”

“Magnus it’s only eight.”

With a smile Magnus pushed Alec’s blazer down his arms. “I know. But you’re exhausted and so am I. Text Helen and then turn that phone on silent.”

* * *

“Okay. Roll up.”

Suddenly, Alec felt how sweaty his palms had gotten while sitting and watching Magnus mix everything carefully after the recipe. Alec rolled up his sleeve and reminded himself that this was only a normal needle. Magnus had said that he’d gotten everything and Alec was sure that the oblong box next to the bowl, Magnus was mixing in, contained the big syringe. That box was huge.

“Alexander. Are you alright?”

Alec’s eyes sprung to Magnus who had sat down on a chair next to him. “Yeah. I just…” He looked at everything on the table, it was a lot to take in, especially how all these ingredients had somehow made a clear liquid in the bowl. “I’m good.”

“I know. Look at me for a second.” Magnus took Alec’s knees and spun him towards himself. “One thing at a time, alright?”

He took Alec’s arm and cleaned it with a cold swab and then he took the IV-needle. “Are you ready for this part?”

Alec nodded with a smile and turned his head to the opposite side from the table. He felt the small pinch and looked down at the blood running from the tiny metal to the plastic vial. When it was full, Magnus took the needle out and pressed a cotton ball on his vein. Alec bend his arm around it and carefully watched Magnus’s every move.

With a deep breath Magnus let his green yellow eyes show, and his left hand covered the bowl in a bright white light. As he poured in the blood he spoke the words, Alec had read two days earlier. Some was clearly from a very old language; _Meh-koh, Adama_, maybe… It was hard to concentrate on anything else but the mixture turning red from the blood and then black. The next words was closer to English, but pronounced darker and kinda heavy; _Begyndelse_, then a string of sounds Alec had no idea how to even try and repeat… _Eksistens_. The fluid seemed to get thicker and then it turned clear again. Magnus relaxed his shoulders and let the light fade out.

He seemed satisfied and smiled shortly at Alec, and nodded for him to come closer. Alec stood up and stood opposite from Magnus. The blob in the bowl was the size of his fist, just fluid enough to be pulled into a syringe, maybe, and completely see through. “So that’s what’s going inside me?”

“It is. It will shrink down when it takes solid form and further more as soon as it’s in place.”

Alec put his hands in his jean pocket as he felt them begin to shake, then nodded at Magnus. “Well we better do it before it turns bad then.”

“Don’t worry about that, but I guess you want it over with.” Magnus reached over and Alec offered his hand for a squeeze before Magnus took the box and nodded for Alec to go and get ready.

* * *

“You can’t move for this.” Magnus’s voice was caring and almost nervous sounding, but it had that tone where Alec was sure that Magnus knew exactly what he was doing.

Alec had changed into nothing but sweat pants, already placed kinda low on his hips, and was lying on his back in their bed. He smiled at Magnus and wanted nothing more than to hug his husband and tell him that it was alright, but behind Magnus’s thigh was that thing from the picture and Alec really didn’t want to disturb what was in it.

“I won’t move.” He hated himself for letting Magnus hear his voice shaking.

Magnus sighed and held the syringe in front of him. Alec gasped. He should definitely have looked away before that. The picture hadn’t been exaggerating; the thickness of that thing was like a quarter of one of his arrows. He felt the blood disappearing from his face and his skin getting cold.

“Alexander.” Magnus brushed a hand through his hair and Alec tore his eyes from the spear over him and looked into Magnus’s brown eyes. “Take a deep breath.”

Alec did as told and ended up able to give Magnus a little smile. Magnus brushed his hand lightly over Alec’s cheek and Alec took another deep breath.

“I’m not going to ask.”

Alec put his hand on top of Magnus’s and leaned his face in to the touch with a smile. “No you’re not. Now, kiss me so we can get this done.”

Magnus smiled and lifted Alec’s hand to his mouth quickly, before he leaned in and kissed Alec deeply and long enough for Alec to calm his breathing a bit more.

When Magnus stood up, Alec kept his eyes locked at the ceiling and as he the wait got a little too long, he nodded for Magnus to go on. The tip of the needle was on his stomach, maybe about an inch under his belly button.

“Remember to breathe.”

Alec nodded again, and his skin was pierced by the metal. The sharp pain burned slowly deeper in his gut and he found it hard to breathe, just from fear that he move too much. He reminded himself that he’d endured worse, but as his jaw tightened and his hands grabbed on to the dark blue silk under him, he realized that adrenaline from a fight, had a lot to do with enduring pain.

The very second the movement stopped; the pain almost vanished. The sharp cutting of his flesh was gone and he was left with only a weird tight and sore feeling, in a very small part of his body.

“Doing good Alexander, but take a few breaths for me before I push this in.”

Alec tried his best to only move his chest as he breathed, but soon realized that it was okay that he moved a little. His head felt more clear as he got more air into his blood and the ceiling suddenly seemed clearer.

“Beautifully done. Keep breathing through this.”

Concentrating on his every breath and to not take his eyes of the ceiling, Alec nodded. Slowly his stomach became tight, he felt weirdly full or maybe more like bloated. There was no pain, but the pressure on his insides were making him nauseous as it grew, and he breathed longer breaths to control the discomfort.

For a moment the burning was back, but Alec hadn’t time to even fear the pain before it was all gone and Magnus was sitting next to him holding his hand.

“You can look it’s gone.”

Alec took his eyes from the ceiling and looked down himself. Magnus was holding a little towel on his stomach, but when he lifted it there was only a small spot of blood and with a few seconds of blue light flowing between Magnus’s fingers and Alec’s skin the mark was gone. Alec locked his jaw as he looked at Magnus. They both knew that this had been the easy part.

Magnus nodded in silence and brushed his hand over Alec’s shoulder and upper arm as he stood up. All the diagrams of things, all the insides, being moved abound, sprung in and out between each other in front of Alec’s eyes. He closed them and took a deep breath and held it for as long as he could. When he let it out he looked up at Magnus and his already un-glamoured cat-eyes and found them unbelievably soothing.

White light and blue smoky swirls filled the room between Magnus’s hands and Alec’s lower stomach. Something warmed up inside him and moved. The nausea got worse fast, but before he could think about throwing up, it felt like something ripped and he screamed out pressing his head back in the pillow. The feeling of being torn from the inside was replaced by a blowtorch in the same place. He grabbed the sheet under him and turned his head far to the side, grinding his teeth.

“Hang in there Alexander. Try to keep still.”

Alec was trying. He was trying desperately to not roll to his side and kick Magnus to the other side of the room. The next words from Magnus was covered in another scream as something else tore inside him. When the burning started again he was gasping for air and his eyes were shut tight. Not that he could see anything if he were to open them. He gagged from disbelieve and lack of air as the next excruciating pain was lower than the others. Below his belly. It ripped again and he felt tears spring from his eyes. His hands lifted from the sheet, but he managed to stop them before they grabbed Magnus or folded around his midsection.

“Almost done. Almost done.” Magnus was crying. Alec was sure of it, but he couldn’t see as long as he concentrated on keeping his hands from interfering. The burning moving from one place to another, seemed to go on forever, and Alec was beginning to pray for unconsciousness when it stopped moving around. His entire midsection was boiling but it wasn’t increasing in any places. He growled loudly and let out a pitiful sob as he lifted his head to look down. The magic light was gone and there was nothing to see but his rapidly moving chest and his hands shaking an inch over his skin as if he was protecting an open wound which would be too painful to touch.

Magnus took one of his hands and sat next to him on the bed. Alec whined from fear of more pain as the mattress dipped, but it didn’t add to his already unbearable state.

“Mag…” He pulled Magnus’s arm and tried to lift his head and shoulders to get up close to him, but only added more pain from the exertion and fell back hard into he pillow with a scream.

“Alexander… Alexander!”

He felt Magnus’s hand in his hair but he could only shake his head as an answer.

“Cintaku… Listen to me.”

Alec pulled Magnus’s hand closer to his chest and found energy enough to nod. He _was _listening.

“Take a deep breath and tell me if it’s getting better.”

Alec froze for a second. What was he talking about? He needed to heal him; to make it stop. Alec tried to breathe deeper, but it only ended up in gasps and sobs.

“Alexander. Sweetie. One deep breath. C’mon.”

Alec nodded and then held his breath before he inhaled all the air he could and was amazed that he didn’t have to scream it out.

“Now, feel it. Is it getting better?”

It was. The burning was slowly reducing to an intense and penetrating stomachache that would have broken him in half on any other day. Today it was a sign that it was soon over.

“Y… yeah.”

Magnus looked down Alec’s body and the hand still trembling while hovering over his belly. Magnus took it carefully and kissed it before he placed it on the mattress.

“Good. Now breathe through it. It will be over soon.”

Alec nodded and closed his eyes as Magnus wiped away his tears. The feeling of the cool silk brushing over his skin, as Magnus covered him with the duvet, had him breathe in extra deep and open his eyes. Magnus was keeping a close eye on him. Holding his hand in both of his and not moving an inch while Alec’s pain subsided and his breathing started to control itself. It was heart wrenching to watch his so strong husband, who must have seen close to everything, sit so still and just wait as he could do nothing to help Alec with the pain.

When the pain was only a deep sore feeling, Alec pulled his free hand from under the duvet and reached up to cup Magnus’s cheek and thumb away a single tear that had drawn a black line of eyeliner over his cheekbone.

“It’s better. I’m okay Magnus.”

Magnus bit his lower lip and forced a small smile as a new tear rolled over his chin.

“Love.” Alec tried. “We knew it was going to be bad, but hey…” He pushed Magnus’s face up and waited till they had eye-contact again. “…we did it.”

“You did it.” It was as if Magnus was coming to life again. He leaned into Alec’s hand on his cheek and then hunched down to kiss him shortly and light on the lips. “You’re strong, Alexander. Even stronger than you need to be for this.”

A few seconds of retaliated content with what they had accomplished went by before Magnus let go of Alec’s hands and pulled the deep blue cover to his chin. “What do you need?”

Both of them startled as Alec’s phone buzzed on the table in the living room. Magnus smiled and shook his head but Alec couldn’t care less about his phone right now and held on to Magnus’s arm as he stood up to get it.

“It’s not important. Let it ring.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand from his wrist and shook his head with a smile. “You really don’t know who is calling?”

“Shit!” Alec gasped from the pain the outburst sent through his mid-section. “Jace…”

Magnus handed Alec the phone with a huge smile on his face. To Alec’s luck it stopped ringing and he decided to send Jace a text to let him know he was alright. He was sure he couldn’t hide anything on his voice right now.

Five seconds went by and Magnus’s phone rang. Alec gave Magnus a pleading look and smiled thankfully as Magnus picked up and walked out of the room to try and explain Alec’s pain and fear of as something Jace didn’t need to worry about.

Two minutes later Magnus stuck his head through the door. “He’ll definitely call you again tomorrow. Now is there anything I can get you?"

Alec shook his head and smiled as he lifted the cover on the other side. Very carefully, Magnus climbed under the cover and laid down against Alec’s side.

Feeling the warmth from Magnus’s body, had Alec relaxing further and rested his head heavily in the pillow, looking into the ceiling. “So, what now?”

Magnus stirred a little before speaking, and Alec suspected it was to conceal that he was clearing his throat.

“Now, we wait the prescribed two days before we make the egg and then comes the good part.” Magnus moved his hand light and teasingly up Alec’s thigh. The chuckle sprung from Alec’s chest reminded him that his stomach was still sensitive. He tried to conceal it as the sound turned into a small pained moan, but Magnus pulled his hand away fast.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t thi…”

“Shh.” Alec found Magnus’s hand and moved it slowly to rest on his tender belly and placed his own on top. The added heat erased the last of the discomfort from Alec’s mind, and his eyes were already closing when he felt Magnus’s lips kiss his temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are getting real for the guys. I'm not promising this is easy form now on, but I will promise that it won't be this intense all the way. If you made it so far, please leave a comment and tell me. :-)


	6. In it together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next step in the plan is so much better for both of them.
> 
> I know some of you have waited eagerly for this chapter. Some of it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for any confusion, but yes, I have changed the title of the story. I got prompted this and posted the first chapter fast, because it was important for me to commit to the promise. I take forever to come up with titles, so that was a bad one. Even though this is almost the same, I think it's slightly better.

“Here take this.” Magnus held his closed fist out to Alec as he stood next to him.

Alec looked up from his breakfast. Magnus nodded at his own hand and shook it a bit. Alec held his palm under it and a, rather big, pink tablet landed in Alec’s hand. He looked up at Magnus and shook his head, looking for an explanation.

“Prenatal vitamins.” Magnus sat down across from Alec and poured a glass of juice for his husband.

Alec waited for Magnus to drop the punchline but nothing came. He looked at the pill between his two fingertips. “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m not. It’s recommended for everyone. You too.”

Alec shook his head with a smile. He should have known that Magnus’s overprotective tendencies wouldn’t end with the magic and pain. “I’m pretty sure they didn’t have prenatal vitamins in 1455. Where did you even get these?”

“There’s a lot of things we have that they didn’t, and we’re going to take advantage of that.” Magnus pushed the glass closer to Alec’s free hand. “Do you really still think that there is anything that I can’t get without people knowing?”

Alec chuckled. “Sorry to ask.” He threw the pill into his mouth and downed half the glass of juice after it.

* * *

Alec had taken the pills morning and evening for two days without demanding further explanation. Magnus was sure Alec thought that it would be easier to just humor him and take the pills. Alec had always been good at choosing his battles. Alec wasn’t against it, Magnus would have known if he was, but he surely thought that Magnus was being ridiculous.

It had been one of the few quiet days Magnus almost never had, and he’d been looking at the clock hundreds of times before Alec came rushing through the door; a lot earlier than usual. Magnus greeted him there with a slow and deep-breathed kiss. No words were said between them before he took Alec’s hand and quietly walked to the bedroom. Alec moved stiffly when Magnus pulled his jacket off him and, if only for a second, he hesitated before he sat down on the edge of the bed. Studying Alec’s posture, Magnus hunched down in front of him and realized that Alec hadn’t looked at him since he came through the front door.

“You look nervous Alexander.” Magnus placed his hands on Alec’s slightly shaking knees.

Alec shook his head and forced his tight lips to make a smile.

Calmly, Magnus smiled and took one of Alec’s hands and kissed it. “This is easy. It won’t hurt, remember?”

As if that was all Alec needed to hear; his shoulders sunk and he breathed deeper. He nodded at Magnus and smiled. “I know. I’m just a bit on edge… from last time.”

“Of course you are. But you know this is nothing like that.” With a kiss on Alec’s forehead, Magnus stood up and pushed him back on the bed. “Ready to make that egg?”

Alec laughed as he lifted his legs up on the mattress. “This is so weird, that it’s almost insane.”

“No Alexander.” Magnus took off the first of Alec’s shoe and dropped it on the floor. “This is definitely and completely insane.”

He dropped Alec’s other shoe and pushed Alec’s legs apart so he could sit between them, and climbed up to sit on his knees. For a moment he wondered if it would be more comfortable for Alec if he wasn’t wearing jeans and t-shirt, but Alec’s impatient eyes didn’t let him prolong this. He opened the belt and sipper and Alec lifted his hips so his jeans could be pulled down just a few inches, leaving the underwear in place.

Magnus placed his palms on both sides of Alec’s groin and when Alec nodded he concentrated his energy deep inside Alec’s pelvis and his testes. Magnus had never thought about Alec’s body with such words, but just locating the area had him shake from the beauty of it all and other words would ruin that. Alec breathed in deeply, pushing his chest up. Magnus was sure he would have lost concentration if Alec wasn’t clothed. He took a deep breath of his own and let his magic warm the small area perfectly between Alec’s legs. The gasp crossing Alec’s lips resonated throughout his body and his legs shortly squeezed Magnus knees. There was no way Magnus could keep his eyes closed as the little light he was forming moved higher in Alec’s body and Alec’s neck arched back. The sound of Alec’s breath through his teeth biting his bottom lip had Magnus demanding his own body to calm down. When Alec’s hand grabbed the pillow and he moaned loudly Magnus swallowed and had to focus before he pushed the light through another wall. Alec’s other hand found his forehead and with clothed eyes and deep breaths he slid it down his cheek and chin. He turned his head and graced his hand over the stretched out deflect rune. It didn’t make sense to Magnus how a rune in that particular place could be used in deflecting anything. That rune had always had the exact opposite effect on Magnus.

He shook his head to get back to the task and pushed his hands up to Alec’s lower belly and felt his legs squeeze him again when he moved the light into the uterus. While Magnus slowly let go of the magic to feel the light solidify, Magnus’s hands were pushed up and down with every long deep breath Alec took.

With every piece of his heart and body, Magnus wanted to let the scene before him play out, but he was done and there was no more need for magic. He took his hands of Alec and sat back, and watched Alec’s neck and shoulders relax and breath slow down. Only now opening his eyes, Alec looked down. He shook his head and grabbed Magnus’s hand. With begging, glazed over eyes and still rather winded Alec placed it on his hip.

Reminding himself what they were doing, Magnus smiled lovingly and rubbed Alec’s hip with his thumb. “Trust me Alexander, I would love nothing more than to continue this, but we have to wait.”

Alec’s head dropped back into the pillow and his body relaxed completely as he just stared into the ceiling. Magnus let himself fall down on his side next to Alec. With a finger on Alec’s chin, Magnus turned his face towards himself, kissed him deeply and breathed in the air from Alec’s still fast breathing.

* * *

“Did you take the vitamins?”

“I did.” Alec placed the dishes on the counter-top and gestured for Magnus to snap his fingers. He didn’t have time to clean today.

“You seem in a hurry.” Magnus grabbed Alec’s hips and pulled their fronts together.

Alec saw straight through Magnus’s oblivious tone. The impatience was shining on his husband. It had been a while. The trip to see Jace and the one to Alaska, even before that; the long late-night walks. It had been a while and with the taste earlier, they were both more than ready to make this child.

“And you don’t? I’m sure you used magic to end that steak so fast.”

“Magic is hard work you know.”

Alec tilted his head to the side and kissed Magnus passionately. “Well it’s a good thing this won’t require magic then.” He grabbed Magnus’s hand and pulled him to the bedroom.

“Wow, easy now!” Magnus stopped a foot from the bed, but with one second of looking in Alec’s eyes he pulled his t-shirt off.

“How are we on time?” Alec was already unbuttoning his pants. He believed they had waited the six hours by now, but if not, he was sure he could convince Magnus to get him off first, it was only Magnus they needed anyway.

Magnus looked at the clock on the wall and laughter lit up his eyes as he pulled Alec’s shirt over his head. “Six hours and seven minutes.”

Without delay, Alec pushed Magnus backwards on to the bed and hurriedly stepped out of his pants. Magnus was still bouncing a bit on the mattress when Alec undid and pulled off his pants. Magnus was beautiful like that. Completely naked on his back and already panting from the excitement. God, he’d missed seeing him like that. Hearing him and feeling him like that. Alec climbed up with a knee on each side of Magnus’s thighs and instantly got attacked with strong arms pulling his upper body down. His lips landed in a long and longing kiss.

As soon as Alec managed to steady himself with his arms on either side of Magnus’s head, he felt hands moving op his thighs. When one lightly graced over and moved between his legs, he gasped and made room between their faces. Just in time to watch Magnus’s eyes change. Alec sat up and pulled his shirt off. Before it landed on the floor he was kissing a trail down Magnus’s chest. He was convinced that the gasps and chest-movements of the man under him was the most captivating thing he would ever experience. Magnus was hard before Alec even got down there, just as himself. On instinct and in a hurry he pushed Magnus’s legs out so he could sit between them. His hands graced Magnus’s ribs on their way down, but Magnus grabbed both of his wrists.

“Alexander.”

Confused and slightly startled, Alec looked at Magnus’s laughing eyes and huge smile.

“Babe. You can’t get _me_ pregnant.”

It took a second for Alec to get his head out of what he had been doing and to follow what they were actually doing. They had always done it both ways, but for a long time it had been mostly Alec on top and normally they just went along with what they felt like and not some other agenda.

Before he was back in the moment, Magnus pulled him down by one arm and they rolled to the side. Both of them laughed as Magnus got his arm out from under Alec’s back and got seated between his legs. He kissed the middle of Alec’s chest and Alec suddenly remembered how much he missed having Magnus indulge him with everything he knew made him tick.

It didn’t take long for Magnus to find his way down and push up Alec’s knees, giving him complete access. He did however take his time kissing the insides of Alec’s thighs and gracing light hands over his hip and ass cheeks. Alec felt his lower body shiver with every small soft peck and tense every time Magnus’s hands came close to his crack.

“Magnus.” Alec breathed in as his hip involuntarily thrusted into the air. “Please…”

He heard Magnus chuckle and a finger moved between his cheeks and graced the sensitive skin on his ring. “It’s been a while for you. I’ll go slow.”

He was right, and even though Alec wanted it now, he wanted it to be good. And he knew it would be a torturous game; there was no way Magnus could wait long with this. Alec had already felt his rapid breaths on his thighs and he the low growl in the end of every word testified that he was closer than he let on.

“O-okay.” Alec bent his legs more and pushed his knees out further.

As a rain of kisses spread over Alec’s belly, Magnus slid his finger inside. Alec closed his eyes and let the sensation of being touched inside take over his mind. The familiar smell of the lube Magnus conjured, spread throughout the room. A smell Alec could only describe as a feeling of powerful waves and thick ruby-red satin wrapping his body. If it was that, or the strong touch deep inside him, that had Alec inhale deeply through his nose he wasn’t sure.

His muscle stretched with a second finger and Magnus’s free hand held his hip tightly as he thrusted again. He was ready, he was sure he was. Everything felt good; the heat inside him, he shivers over his chest, Magnus’s touch in- and outside him and the warm golden cat-eyes looking at him with such love and craving. Everything was perfect, but the wait for more of Magnus was too long.

“Mag… Now.” Alec heaved in air as he felt Magnus’s fingertips press down on his prostate. “N-now.”

Magnus hugged Alec’s thigh with one arm and kissed his knee. “Easy…” His voice was shaking. “Don’t want to hurt you…” He kissed him again and slid his hand down to his hip. “This is the good part, remember?”

Alec nodded and let his arm rest over his eyes, concentrating on what was good now and not imagining what would be, he didn’t want to come before Magnus had even started. He yelped out as a third finger pushed inside and the stretch burned slightly. Maybe Magnus had been right; it had been quite some time since Alec was in this position.

Magnus stopped moving. “Alexander?” He sounded worried. “Alexander, does it hurt?”

Alec shook his head just in time to stop Magnus from pulling out completely. “No… Magnus, it’s… it’s perfect.”

“It should be nothing less.” Magnus pushed slowly deeper and Alec let the other arm join the first over his eyes. “You stop me if it’s not good.”

Alec nodded and thrusted his hips to beg for movement. He got it. Magnus turned his hand and let all three fingertips massage his prostate as they went by. Alec moaned loudly and arched his back, and when Magnus did it a second and third time, Alec’s body was shaking.

Suddenly he was untouched. He exhaled all his air and when he gasped in air again, the inhale was stopped halfway through by Magnus’s soft lips. Alec removed his arms and held on to Magnus’s shoulders as his eyes got used to not being hidden. Magnus kissed him again and then on the forehead, before he sat back up. Alec felt his legs being pushed up and his hip lifted. With the first slow push, Magnus’s cock broke through Alec’s still tight muscle and Alec hauled in the air he was denied before. Magnus’s chest came down over his and he moved slowly deeper. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus’s torso and arced his head back. Magnus’s one hand was on his ass cheek and the other graced lightly down the rune on Alec’s neck. He pulled out half way and moved ever so slowly in again and his head dropped down next to Alec’s ear.

He spoke with a voice only slightly louder than a whisper. “Alexander? Are you o…?”

“God, yes!”

Alec’s arms shook from the outburst but he still held on to Magnus. With the first real trust his eyes sprung open and the small silver snake on Magnus’s ear was dancing over him. As Magnus picked up speed the burn from his not-quite-ready ass increased, but so did everything else. His legs were shaking and he never knew if he was tensing up or if it was just his heated up blood rushing too fast through them. His body was taking over and his head got hazy. Magnus let one long kiss move down his neck and wiggled out of Alec’s arms. Magnus’s eyes was taken over with pleasure and there was no thoughts left behind them only instinct. He lifted Alec’s hips higher and pushed in hard. A moan was pressed out of Alec’s lungs and both of his hands grabbed the pillow under his head. Relentless thrusts pushed in and filled him perfectly, with just the right pressure to all the right places. His lungs couldn’t work fast enough, his eyes were the first to set out and the feeling in his lower legs were next. All the nerves in Alec’s body traveled with his rushing blood to his middle, and if he had been able to see, he would have seen his body tremble and him coming over his own chest. He didn’t even feel the warm cum land on him.

While Alec was desperately trying to get air enough to feel his whole body again, Magnus kept going in a rapid pace. Alec held his breath as Magnus pushed in deep and shook with a loud moan.

Magnus dropped down next to Alec, and just like earlier that day, he turned Alec’s head and kissed him, sharing their breaths.

* * *

“I’m pretty sure you can’t feel anything yet.”

“But I _am_ nauseous, and have been for two days.” Alec pushed the half full plate away.

Magnus shook his head. He knew Alec was nauseous. Alec hadn’t exactly been quiet about it, but he’d started already the morning after they had tried to conceive and he’d been able to have normal days and he hadn’t thrown up. This was the first time he didn’t want to eat.

“It’s probably just the vitamins. It can be a side effect.” Magnus pushed the plate back to Alec. “Eat your dinner. You need to be healthy.”

“Why would doctors recommend pills like that to people who are trying to get pregnant? That’s cruel.”

He wasn’t completely wrong, but there wasn’t anything they could do about that. If Alec didn’t want to take them, Magnus had a lot of possible ways to make him.

Alec picked up the fork and poked at the salad on the edge of the plate. “You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

“Am I enjoying to see you nauseous and not eat? No, Alexander I’m not.”

Alec looked up and seemed sorry for having suggested it. “No not that. You’re enjoying taking care of me. You’re practically glowing every time I take a mouthful of rice.”

“Is that bad?” Magnus wasn’t sure if Alec was annoyed or joking. “I want to keep you healthy for our child and your safety. Am I a horrible person for loving that you’re listening to me?”

Alec reached over the table and laced his fingers with Magnus’s. “No Magnus. You’re the best husband anyone could want.” He lifted Magnus’s hand and with the small kiss on the knuckles Magnus felt himself relax again. Alec smiled and looked Magnus in the eyes. “Just promise me to listen to me too. You tend to get a bit overprotective.”

Magnus nodded and took his hand back, leaving Alec’s to take the knife. He cut the chicken and looked at the piece on the fork. “Can’t you just make it go away?”

Magnus was beginning to wonder if pregnancy brain could set in from just wanting to get pregnant; Alec seemed to have forgotten a lot. “You know I can’t. Magic should only be used if absolutely necessary.” Magnus nodded a gesture for Alec’s left side. “The same goes for that healing rune.”

With a sigh Alec put the food in his mouth. It took a while but eventually he finished his plate and picked up a few case folders to bring to the couch. He’d kept busy with work the last two days, but so had Magnus. The waiting game was a thing they hadn’t even considered with everything else, but it was definitely something they had to figure out to deal with if they wouldn’t get a sign soon.

* * *

Magnus woke up alone. Since Magnus had agreed to become three Alec had been close and even when they had been discussing things the past night, he hadn’t woken up to an empty bed. He blinked his sight clear and sat up.

“Alexander?!”

Alec’s pants from yesterday was still on the chair so he probably hadn’t ran a quick errand, but the apartment was quiet.

Alec’s pillow was on top of the crumbled duvet. Instinctively, Magnus took it and placed it on the right end of the mattress, surprised to find that Alec’s side of the bed was still warm. Then something caught his eye; a small dark spot where the pillow had been. Magnus pulled away the duvet.

“Shit!”

He ran to the bathroom door, and sure enough, it was locked. Alec must have woken up bleeding.

“Alexander?” Magnus leaned sideways against the door. “Alexander, do you need anything?”

“Ehm… no… I…”

Magnus was convinced that Alec was crying. He could hear the gasps even though he clearly tried to hide them.

“Let me in.” Magnus had never broken down a door that Alec had locked, and he would never do it unless Alec was in danger. “Let me help you.”

“Magnus… I’m…” Alec’s voice got swallowed in gasps and sobs.

“Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah…”

Magnus snapped his fingers and the door unlocked. Alec was on the toilet, with a towel covering his lower half. His arms wrapped tightly around his stomach. Tears were rolling over his face and when he looked up at Magnus, it wasn’t sadness or despair in them; it was fear.

Magnus dropped to his knees next to Alec and put a hand on his shoulder and one on his knee. “Alexander? It’s alright. It happens, we can try again.”

“It’s…” Alec tensed up and tried to control his breathing but no more words came through.

Magnus took one of his hands and held it tight. “Cariño, you’re alright. Take your time and talk to me.”

Alec nodded and a few more tears escaped his eyes. After some deep breathing with Magnus’s guidance, Alec looked op again.

“It’s a lot of blood.”

“I know.”

Magnus brushed his hand over Alec’s cheek and landed it with the other in Alec’s lap. He could imagine that reading about it and actually seeing it, would be quite different, but he couldn’t imagine that it would cause Alec to be scared like this. He knew it could happen. And he couldn’t have been oblivious to it happening to all women once a month. Was he scared that Magnus wouldn’t try again?

“It’s alright. We’ll just have to give it a few days before trying again.”

Alec’s hand tightened in Magnus’s grip and he shook his head.

“Alexander? You don’t want to try again?”

“I’m not… I don’t know.”

This was too confusing. Of course this would be emotional for Alec, for both of them, but Magnus wasn’t sure why Alec was backing out. They hadn’t miscarried, they just hadn’t been successful conceiving.

“It’s your choice, but can you explain why?”

Alec’s eyes flooded again and he moved his hands to wrap both of them around Magnus’s. “If I knew…” He swallowed and tried to look at Magnus, but lowered his eyes again. “If I knew how many times, maybe I could do it, but the pain…”

The confusion grew in Magnus and he desperately tried to follow Alec. Was his cramps right now really that bad? It didn’t seem like it.

“Magnus, I’m sorry, but I can’t go through that again of I don’t know how many times I have to, or if it will ever work. It’s too much the needle, the burning…”

“Stop.” Magnus locked his eyes on Alec and freed a hand to left his head up for easy eye-contact. “You don’t have to do that ever again. This is only the uterus getting rid of the egg that wasn’t fertilized. You only need a new egg.”

Alec’s breathing slowed down and became almost soundless. “You sure? It’s a mess.” Alec looked down and shifted his legs a bit under the towel.

Magnus stood up and kissed Alec on the forehead as he moved to sit on the edge of the bathtub. “I’m sure. Alexander…?” He waited for Alec to look up. “How much of that book did you read?”

With a small sniffle Alec moved to take his hands from Magnus, but seemed to change his mind mid-movement. “All of it.”

Magnus studied the slightly pale man in front of him. “Then tell me…” He took a deep breath and tried not to sound as scared as he was. “…how much do you remember?”

With his eyes locked on their hands, Alec shook his head. Magnus felt like he was going to pass out. They had started this, and now Alec had to read the book after he was so much more invested than before. Magnus knew that Alec would never allow himself to say no.

“I’m sorry Magnus. I didn’t think… I should have told you. I read everything after chapter three while being too drunk to even take it in. I only remember a few pictures.” Alec grabbed Magnus’s shoulder and looked at him with wet eyes and a shivering chin. “I’m sorry. I understand if you’re angry, you…”

“Alexander, stop please.” Magnus broke off with a soft voice. “I’m not angry.”

He stood up and gave Alec a second towel. “Let’s get you cleaned up first and then we’ll figure this out.”

* * *

If Magnus didn’t have magic, he was sure Alec would never have let him clean the sheets and the bathroom, but Magnus almost whished that his part took longer. The only other thing he could do was to run a quick errand to get some underwear Alec could use. Alec has been in the shower for forty-five minutes before he emerged into the bedroom with a towel around his hips and one over his shoulders.

Looking only at his feet, Alec shifted the towel a bit and showed the elastic waist line of the black pants. His voice was only a shadow of itself. “Are you sure these will work?”

Magnus stood up from the bed and grabbed a t-shirt for Alec. “They will. Besides, I’ll make it so you only have to wear them one day.” He took the towel from Alec’s shoulders and waited for him to put on the shirt. With a smiled Magnus calmly took his hand, but Alec pulled it back. He didn’t look up as he sat against the headboard and pulled the duvet up high on his chest.

Not knowing what to do, but realizing that cuddling was out of the question, Magnus sat down on the edge of the mattress, next to Alec’s bent legs.

“What is it?”

Alec wrapped his arms around his stomach and kept his eyes on his knees.

“C’mon, talk to me. Is it the blood? The book…? Alexander?”

“I really thought…” Alec whispered and shook his head. “I thought that it didn’t work. I doubted you.”

For a second Magnus was confused. It _hadn’t_ worked. But then he realized that Alec was talking about the uterus. Magnus silenced a gasp. Alec had woken up thinking that he was falling apart on the inside.

“Hey.” He put his hand carefully on Alec’s knee and tried to make a light and carefree voice. “If you’re bleeding after something I did, it’s alright to think I didn’t do it right.”

Alec shook his head. “But, I should have known. I should have read the book again.”

“You should.”

Alec looked up and Magnus was relived to see that he wasn’t scared of what he would say.

“The book isn’t just a “warning-label” for what we’re doing. It’s a manual for what to expect and how to handle it all.”

The small smile appearing on Alec’s face had Magnus reach for Alec’s hand. Alec held it loosely but still with his arm firmly over his stomach.

Alec looked down himself. “So, how do we _handle_ this?”

Soundless, Magnus moved closer. He took his hand from Alec’s and slid it under his arms, palm flat low on his stomach. With his other hand he pulled Alec in for a hug and as soon as he felt an arm wrapped around his back he let his magic flow into Alec. With a loud and long inhale Alec pushed his forehead into the crease of Magnus’s neck. It was pain free, Magnus always knew if his magic caused pain, but the feeling must have been more powerful than he thought, because Alec didn’t let go after. His other arm joined the one on Magnus’s back and Magnus placed his now free hand on the back of Alec’s head.

“Are you okay?”

Alec nodded into Magnus’s neck.

“Good, Alexander.” Magnus wanted to leave everything in silence but Alec didn’t know what was happening and he needed him to know. He needed him to know that everything was as it should be.

“Women normally bleed for days, but I’ve just cut that down to one day, so you’re going to lose blood a lot faster. I know the vitamins are still making you nauseous, but it’s important you eat right today.”

The grip around Magnus loosened a bit and Alec nodded again.

“When you stop bleeding we wait twenty-four hours and we can make a new egg. But now just stay here for a bit.”

Alec nodded again and relaxed his arms, letting Magnus guide him back against the pillow.

“I thought Magic wasn’t allowed.”

All the fear had left the big brown eyes that finally looked up at Magnus. Magnus smiled and put his hand on Alec’s stomach. “You’re not pregnant. If you remembered what you read you would know that it’s for the child’s protection. We know _you_ can handle the magic.”

Alec nodded and looked at his hands fiddling in front of his stomach. “So we just try again?”

“Most couples have to try more than once. It’s normal. The only ones to get pregnant from the first time, are the ones who doesn’t want to.”

“You’re really not angry?” Alec questioned with confusion painted on his face.

“I’m not. I wish that you would have told me, but I’m not angry with you.” Magnus tugged the duvet tight around Alec’s ribs. “But I _am_ going to take care of you and that means breakfast and then I’m going through the book with you.”

* * *

Alec had read in silence. Leaned against the headboard and Magnus’s side. Only when he shook his head or asked, would Magnus explain or encourage him to keep going. He read slower than normal to understand and remember everything. He would like to avoid another scare like this morning. And he never wanted do doubt Magnus’s magic again, not because of his own ignorance. Alec paused again. He’d lost count of how many time his stomach had cramped up. His muscles tightened more and he put the book aside. Magnus’s arm closed tighter around him. He tried not to, but when the tightness became pain, a vocalized exhale crossed his lips. This was one of the bad ones. Magnus took his hand and no matter how bad Alec wanted to not touch anyone and be miserable and disgusting alone, he couldn’t help but love every bit of comfort Magnus was giving.

“Breathe Alexander.”

Alec had forgot. He took a big breath and it became a bit easier to relax his shoulders and legs. Magnus put his hand on his stomach, but Alec pushed it away just like the last four times. The excess use of magic was making Magnus tired and Alec needed him clear to help him get through the book, and to rub his thumb over the back of Alec’s hand just like he was now.

“At least take one of those mundane painkillers Clary helped Izzy with.”

Magnus had read up on everything in modern medicine that could help. Alec was sure he hadn’t told Alec about half of it yet. Alec wished that Magnus hadn’t told him about the time Izzy had asked him to make sure these small white pills would work. And he was pretty sure Izzy wouldn’t have wanted him to know.

“I’m okay. I’ll let you help if it gets too much. I’m sure it’s not good to fill myself with chemicals.”

The pain slowly lessened and the big breaths became easier. Magnus must have felt him relax because he pushed himself up more and gave Alec the water from the nightstand.

Alec thanked him with a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek then he picked up the book again and turned the page to the next chapter. So far he’d already lived through chapter one to six. Chapter seven was where the dream started. It seemed like a tedious and rather unpleasant experience to be pregnant. There was a lot of things he couldn’t do and a lot of recommendations for what _to_ do. How was he ever going to get time to work? He was already helplessly behind and the day tomorrow was going to be hell on earth. He couldn’t expect anyone to put in extra work for him to fulfill his and Magnus’s dream.

The list of things he’d might experience was long and he was sure it was only half of it. The list was made from only two pregnancies and that was the same man. Alec made a mental note to read up on normal pregnancies to be prepared for everything, even though he suspected that Magnus had already read more than Alec ever could.

Chapter eight and nine was a very detailed description of the birth. The pictures had him cringe. The description of how it felt was making him shake but it was the explanation of what Magnus had to do that made pearls of sweat form on his forehead and his palms clammy.

“Alexander?” The low voiced question startled Alec and he shook his head, remembering that Magnus was right up against him holding an arm tightly around his shoulders. Somehow all the pictures and words felt dreadful and appalling, but suddenly not scary.

“I’m okay with it.” He put a hand on the one Magnus had on his shoulder. “I’m not scared. It’s horrible and I will hate it, but I’m not scared when you are the one doing it.”

Water was building in Magnus’s eyes and his chin quivered. With a soft smile Alec let the book rest in his lap and cupped his husband’s cheek.

“You’ll do great.” Alec whispered and put his forehead against Magnus’s.

* * *

After a long work day for both of them, they decided that they should make the egg early in the morning and then get some more work done before trying again in the evening. On Magnus’s demand, Alec was working from home that day, but neither of them was going to neglect their duties. And they both knew women that had worked right up to the day they were giving birth, so Alec could definitely work most of the pregnancy.

Already the morning after having sex, Magnus woke up from the mattress tipping as Alec climbed under the duvet. He looked into watery eyes and Alec shook his head. They didn’t talk about it. They were lucky that they didn’t have to wait for Alec to produce an egg. Which meant that they could try again after two days.

The two days passed with work. Alec had hated going out of the apartment feeling like he should be living in the shower, and the nausea from the vitamins were just a constant part of his life by now. But he’d went to work and made it through even with the cramps and hadn’t raised suspicion. At least he was pretty sure he hadn’t. Helen had given him a few looks, but she could have perceived it as stress. Both days, Magnus had come home looking more tired than he had in a long time. Alec all but had a heart attack when he suggested that he should save his magic to the next morning and they should just order in for dinner.

* * *

“No Magnus. Cancel it.” Still winded from getting a new egg placed, Alec grabbed Magnus’s wrist. “You’re running yourself to the ground.”

“I need to get this done. If you get pregnant, we’ll both have to cut down on work.”

Alec pulled Magnus down to sit next to him and pushed himself up against the headboard. “Love. We can work. Me too. But _we_ won’t get pregnant if you fall asleep on top of me.”

Magnus shook his head with a chuckle. “I’ll be back in half an hour. You know I’ll relax better if I don’t have work waiting.”

Alec sat up straight and took Magnus’s shoulders in a firm grip. “It’s the third time. You’re magic is wearing thin. I felt it.”

With light hands, Magnus moved Alec’s hands to his lap. “I know. You’re right.” He kissed Alec on the forehead and stood up. “Half an hour.”

Alec grabbed Magnus’s hand before he could walk away. “I’ll time you.”

Twenty-four minutes later Magnus came out of a portal in their living room with two portions of Ragù Napoletano, which had become Alec’s favorite Italian pasta dish.

The rest of the day was spent together, doing next to nothing. Alec had missed Magnus. They had slept long nights together and they had had sex three days ago and six days ago. And then there was the mornings of those days and this morning, where Alec felt only pleasure from Magnus’s magic, but it was all scheduled and it felt like an eternity since they had just sat on the couch in silence, lacing fingers, and kissing when the eye-contact became too long.

That night both of them felt in an especially good mood. So when Magnus’s light fingers gracing Alec’s ribs and Alec’s light kisses on Magnus’s neck became faster and more powerful, they forgot about dinner. When Magnus had gotten out of his tight pants he’d dropped back onto the couch to watch Alec strip.


	7. A taste of normality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few more ups and downs for the two of them. They both have to learn to talk and maybe one of them have to learn to listen a bit better. 
> 
> I promise smut in this one ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A part of this is Jace's POV. It's Magnus's and Alec's story and I won't go too much out of that, but Jace has that special connection to Alec so I thought it would be fitting.

The next four days there was no sign of anything. Alec and Magnus had both caught up with work and except for Alec’s nausea it could seem as they were getting back to a normal life. They weren’t though. Alec was constantly shifting from hoping that this was it, to fearing that he would start bleeding every minute. He didn’t leave the apartment without the underpants Magnus had gotten him. Just in case. Magnus was trying to act like having no say in the outcome meant that he could push it out of his mind, but Alec saw that he was freaking out just as much as himself.

The fifth day had been busy for Alec. More meetings than in a long time and countless of new missions he had to sign off on. He was grateful for the distraction, but the nausea was getting worse and during the last meeting of the day, or night, he was sure he would throw up any minute. When there were done, Helen had exclaimed that Alec had a few more files he needed to see to and had lead the council out herself. There was no files and as soon as he laid eyes on his desk, he got a message from her, telling him to go home and sleep.

When he came home, Magnus wasn’t there. He was actually relived, he must look like hell, he felt like it. Sweating from holding down his nausea. He wasn’t sure if his face was gray or some shade of green. As he turned on the water in the shower he felt his shoulders relax for the first time that day. The subtle smell of Indian sandalwood eased his mind as his hands rubbed the soft bubbles into his hair. He didn’t want to wash it out, but he was beginning to feel faint from the heat and that didn’t mix well with the slippery floor of a shower. Stepping all the way under the water again he looked down not to slip. The water running to the drain was red. Blood.

His nausea rose up and one hand leaned on the tile wall as the other arm wrapped around his stomach. His knees landed hard on the tile edge of the shower floor and he barely managed to get his head over the toilet.

Alec really thought this had been it. That it had worked. Five days and then his nausea today. He knew it was unlikely that nausea from pregnancy would set in so soon, but he figured that he had a head start from the vitamins. He heaved in air and pushed himself back under the water and pulled the curtain closed again. The nausea had never made him throw up before. It must have been because of the work and the damn period. He didn’t even know if it was the right name for it, when it had been there three times in under two weeks. He gagged again, but suppressed it, he was done with throwing up for no reason.

What if it wouldn’t work? What if it was because he was a shadowhunter? What if he would be like the anonymous warlock who had tried but never conceived? He had tried for seven months. Alec leaned against the tile wall and let the water run over his closed eyes. He wasn’t sure if he was crying. His eyes were burning, but that could be the heat or the exhaustion from throwing up. He couldn’t do seven month of this. Getting his and Magnus’s hopes up every two days to a week and then be disappointed. He had to tell Magnus when he came home. Tears were escaping his eyes for sure now. Mixing with the water on their way over his face. He tried to remind himself that it was only the third time, and it didn’t say anything in the book how many times that Jay-Karlsen had tried. But it didn’t matter. Alec was just as disappointed as before and he knew Magnus would be too.

* * *

“Are you home Alexander?” Magnus almost whispered into the apartment as soon as he stepped through the door. He was sure Alec would be in bed by now. At least he hoped he would be. It wouldn’t be good for him to work this much.

“The balcony.” Alec spoke with a normal low voice that Magnus hardly head two rooms away.

Alec was sitting on a chair pulled up to the railing, looking over the city. The balcony was only lit by one lamp on the table and the light of the city was beautiful covered in black.

“Why are you out here? It’s the middle of the night.”

“I couldn’t go to bed before I talked to you.”

Apprehensive, Magnus walked over and leaned his backside on the railing. Alec had been crying. A faint hope in Magnus tried to convince him that it could be happy tears, but Alec looked broken down. It could be from a rough day at work, or something with Jace. But the thing making Magnus’s stomach churn was that he couldn’t see any reason but the one, that Alec would react like this.

“Alexander.” Magnus hunched down and put a hand on Alec’s on the railing. It pained him to say it, because it wasn’t a consolation for either of them. “It’s only the third time.”

Alec stood up and hastily walked to the other end of the balcony. “I know!” He turned towards Magnus and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s the third time it didn’t work. Trust me, I’m counting too!”

Magnus raised his hands a little in a surrendering gesture as he walked slowly closer. “Alexander…”

“No. Don’t.” Alec talked quieter now. “I’m sorry I yelled, but I can’t right now. Just leave me alone.”

The sudden stab as if one of Alec’s arrows had hit him in the chest, froze Magnus in place and he had to remind himself to breathe before forming words. He talked firmly but slow and controlled.

“I’m not going to do that. We’re in this together, remember?”

Alec turned his side and grabbed the railing with shakily tight hands.

Magnus took a small step closer. “Listen for a second...”

“No. _You_ listen!” Alec yelled but didn’t turn his gaze from the lights in the city. “It’s _me_! It’s _my_ body that can’t! I put us up to this and the only thing we have to show for it is nausea, and me feeling like I want to crawl out of my own skin. Not only the bleeding, I feel bloated! My skin and hair is all weird! I feel filthy… disgusting! And I can’t handle the thought of anyone touching me!” Alec looked down and took a shaky breath before he spoke quieter. “…of _you_ touching me.”

It made sense. That was the worst of it all. Alec thought it was him, even Magnus had had the thought, but had thrown it away before he could get it into words. But it didn’t seem as if Alec had thought that it could be Magnus too. Both reasons would be unbearable, because if it was true, it would never work. It made his eyes water. But that Alec felt disgusting, had Magnus’s knees shaking and he’s lungs tightening. Magnus failed to make his breath calm and not shake before he walked close enough to touch Alec’s shoulder. He didn’t though.

“I’ve heard what you said. Alexander, now please listen to me.”

“You can’t make it better. You can’t wave your hands around and then everything is good.”

Oh how Magnus wished he could.

“I know, I can’t.” It hurt to say it. It hurt to agree with anything Alec was saying when Alec was holding back tears so desperately. “I’m disappointed too. I also believed this time had worked. Alexander, I’m sorry you feel like this. We can stop, we can take a break.”

Magnus closed his eyes and calmed himself for a second and then laid a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “But don’t you ever think that you’re disgusting.”

Alec didn’t move except a deep shaky breath, so Magnus stepped next to him and put his other hand on one of Alec’s. “Even if you feel like you can’t go outside, you need to remember than _no_-one see you that way…” He leaned in to look in Alec’s eyes and was surprised when he was allowed contact with those big browns. “…least of all me.”

The hand under Magnus’s turned and Alec laced their fingers. “I don’t want to take a break.”

Magnus nodded and pulled Alec from the railing and into a tight hug. Alec’s chin rested heavily on his shoulder and his arms grabbed tight on the back of his shoulders. Magnus held Alec as tight as Alec held on to him.

Only when Alec let his hands relax, Magnus spoke with a low voice. “Let’s get you to bed. I’ll make you a tea to calm you down.”

Alec nodded and Magnus wrapped his arm around his waist to walk him to the bedroom. Alec started to get undressed, and nodded that it was okay for Magnus to go to the kitchen. It had taken months for Magnus to convince Alec that the different teas he made wasn’t spiked with magic, but eventually Alec had grown to trust all the things Magnus gave him and this tea had worked on both of them before.

When Magnus walked back in, Alec was under the ruby-red duvet and propped up with a few pillows against the headboard. He looked more embarrassed than anything else. Magnus gave him the tea and received a small forced smile as thanks.

Magnus sat on top of the duvet in his own side of the bed. Fully clothed. Alec didn’t seem to notice or maybe he didn’t have the energy to question it. As soon as the mug was empty Alec laid down and turned towards Magnus.

“I’m sorry.” Alec whispered with a shaky breath.

Magnus buried his hand in Alec’s hair, still damp from the shower.

“Don’t be. Just get some rest.”

Alec turned his head to look up at Magnus. “You’re not going to sleep?”

With a small smile, Magnus pulled the duvet closer to Alec’s chin. “In a while.”

Alec nodded and took Magnus’s hand in his, but it didn’t take long before the grip was lose and Alec’s breathing had slowed down enough, for him to be sleeping deeply.

* * *

Jace rolled to his other side for the twentieth time in the last half hour. No matter how much he tried to focus on the beautiful redhead sleeping peacefully next to him, he couldn’t overpower whatever Alec was struggling with. That Alec got hurt on a classified mission wasn’t raise for concern, not even the weird phone call with Magnus had stuck with him. Alec had seemed perfectly himself when they talked the next day. He’d brushed it off like always, and it had actually made Jace feel better to hear him joke about it. The almost three weeks after that had been different though. Even though he often had to ask about the reason, Jace always knew if Alec was sad, hurt, scared or pissed off, but this was new, or maybe it was a big mess of everything. And tonight it had been worse than any of the other days.

Jace turned away from Clary and looked at his phone on the table. No messages. Not that he’d expected any. Alec had answered every message with short confirmations that he was just stressed at work. And the few times Jace had gotten a call through he’d explained his tired voice with staying up looking through birth records or searching for a donor and surrogate.

There was no way he was going to fall asleep tonight before he’d talked to Alec, and it could very well be that Alec was already sleeping. He dropped flat on his back and sighed heavily.

“Jace.” Clary was only whispering, but her hand taking Jace’s squeezed strongly. “It’s three in the morning. You still can’t sleep?”

Jace turned his head and looked into Clary’s tired, but fully awake, green eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Two light fingertips brushed the hair from his forehead and Clary’s hand rested on his jaw and cheek. “Is it still Alec?”

Jace nodded. “I’m not sure what is going on with him. He’s not talking.”

“Maybe you should take a trip to Alicante?”

Jace took Clary’s hand from his chin and kissed it as he shook his head. He was sure it wouldn’t be of any use, and something held him back from pushing too hard. He didn’t know how it felt to deal with the stress of trying to find a child. For now he just had to be there if Alec needed him. It didn’t stop him from worrying though.

“Is he not answering?”

“As you said; it’s three am. He’s probably sleeping.”

Clary nodded and for a moment she seemed to zone out in thought. When she came back she sat up and reached for her own phone. Jace as up and folded his legs, sitting as her mirror image. She had already opened a new message.

“Clary?”

“If you can’t get Alec to talk, maybe I can talk to Magnus.”

Jace had thought about calling Magnus, but it would have been a last resort. He saw Magnus as a friend, but not the friend he would call out of the blue. Magnus and Clary was that way, but it wasn’t like she could call Magnus in the middle of the night and say; _Hey, Jace says Alec is not well, what’s wrong?_ Jace felt bad enough about telling Clary about how Alec was worrying him.

Jace put his hand over the phone and shook his head when Clary looked up. “You can’t. I shouldn’t have told you.”

“Jace…” She put her hand on his neck and looked him in the eyes. “You didn’t tell me. You’ve been distracted for days and I guessed, remember? It’s not that hard to figure out.”

He nodded and took a deep breath. All Clary knew what that it was the Parabatai bond that distracted him and that it was the reason that he couldn’t fall asleep tonight.

Clary moved the phone out from under Jace’s hand. “I’m just asking about a case. Let me check in with them.”

Jace nodded and moved his hands to his own lap as she texted Magnus to give her a call when he woke up in the morning. Clary laid a light hand on Jace’s upper arm and leaned in to give him a kiss, but was interrupted by Clary’s ringtone. They both looked at the phone, showing Magnus’s name.

Clary looked for approval in Jace’s eyes and after a quick nod from him she answered and turned the speaker on.

“Magnus, I thought you were sleeping. Did I wake you?”

“_No no, Biscuit. I hadn’t gone to bed yet._”

“Well are you okay to talk, without waking Alec or is he awake too?”

Magnus seemed to hesitate before talking. “_We can talk. I wanted to take a walk. I’m not home._”

“Oh, okay.” Clary looked at Jace. It felt wrong to do it like this, but Jace kept quiet. He didn’t want to let Magnus know that he was listening. Besides Clary would tell him everything after anyway.

“_Clary? What was it about the demon?_”

“Yeah, sorry. I guess I’m tired myself. We hunted down a demon two days ago. Not anything special, but now suddenly there are sightings from all over the city of demons just like it, but smaller and faster. Have you heard about something like that other places?”

The way Clary was thinking on her feet was amazing. Jace had always wondered how she did that so fast and with no trace in her voice. Sometime he wondered how often she had done that towards him. The demon was real, the smaller ones was too, but they’d already gotten an answer from the clave and had people on it.

“_I don’t… are you sure this shouldn’t be a question for Alec? I’m sure the clave would have heard about it._”

“Well we’re waiting for an answer from them, but I was wondering if it had happened before. It would be a lot faster if you remembered than for the clave to go through their records.”

“_I’m sorry._” Why did Magnus sound more sad than sorry about this? His voice were remorseful as he spoke slower. “_I don’t remember anything like that. I can ask around but…_”

“No it’s okay. We’ll get a handle on it. You should go home, you sound tired.”

There was a pause and then they heard a muffled sigh before Magnus spoke. “_Yeah. You should too._”

“Wait…” Clary stopped Magnus from hanging up and Jace’s heart slowed down a bit. “Magnus, are you okay? You sound… you sound more than tired.”

“_I’m fine…_” There was a pause. Magnus never said that. It was Jace’s and Alec’s line towards anyone who came to close. Magnus cleared his throat. “_Don’t you worry about me, Biscuit. I’m just overworked. It comes and go, you know that._”

Jace found the same questioning look in Clary’s eyes, as he was sure was in his. He shook his head slowly to prevent her from pushing further.

“Okay, Magnus. Don’t worry about the demon. I’ll call if the clave doesn’t know. Go home and sleep.”

After the call had ended, they both took a second to just look at the phone in Clary’s hands before Clary suddenly stood up and walked to the middle of the room. Slightly startled, Jace followed her closely with his eyes.

“Clary, what?”

She was already looking at the phone again. “I know you can feel something is up with Alec, but now I know something is with Magnus. If something was wrong between them, like seriously wrong between the two, you would know, right?”

Jace nodded, not really sure where Clary was going with this. But if that was the case, Alec would be devastated. Jace hoped he never had to feel his brother in that kind of pain again. This was different.

“And we both know that if Alec was hurt, Magnus would be the first to call us and the other way around. Something is not right.” She put the phone to her ear and when Jace asked who she was calling she only held up a hand to silence him.

“Alec. I’m sorry to wake you.”

Jace stood up, but Clary only gestured for him to stay back.

“I know it’s early, but this is important.”

Clary seemed so sure in what she was doing. Jace wasn’t so sure it was the right thing, not sure what she was hoping to accomplish. It pained Jace that he couldn’t hear what Alec was saying, but he was sure he was mostly just trying to wake up and figure out why Clary had called him this early.

“I called Magnus about a case. He was out walking. I need to tell you something, Well, to make sure you knew.”

No, Clary. Jace knew exactly how Alec would interpret that ramble. Jace wanted to rip the phone from her hand and scream that nothing had happened. But from the way Clary tried to break in to the stream of words on the phone, it seemed like Alec was already demanding answers.

“No… Alec. Nothing like that. I’m sorry, Magnus is fine. It’s something else.”

Clary turned to Jace and nodded with a big sigh, indicating that Alec had calmed down and was listening.

“I know I might be crossing a line, but I couldn’t not call you. Magnus was not himself. Maybe you already know, I’m sure you do, but I needed to make sure he wasn’t battling whatever this is alone. He sounded sad. Alec, he sounded hurt.”

Jace stared at Clary, waiting for her to answer Alec, but it seemed as if he hadn’t said anything yet. Clary shook her head and tried again. “Alec?”

* * *

Alec was sitting straight up in the bed. Why was Magnus not there and why was Clary on the phone telling him that he was hurting? He knew that Magnus was sad about not conceiving too, but had it been that obvious that Clary could hear it over the phone? Hurting was a strong word.

“_Alec. Are you still there?_”

He shook his head to get back to the task at hand; Clary was still on the phone.

“Yeah, I’m here. I’ll talk to Magnus.”

“_So you know what it is?_” Clary had lowered her voice and almost sounded timid on the line.

“I think so. It’s noting bad, don’t worry. Thanks for letting me know.”

“_Sure. Ehm…_”

Alec really didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want her to continue. He’d come to love Clary like a sister, but right now he just wanted to find Magnus. Still the drawn out words and the hesitation in her voice proved that this phone call wasn’t over.

“What is it, Clary?”

“Jace came in. He hasn’t slept tonight…” Alec heard Jace whisper a panicked _no_ in the background, but Clary continued. “It’s not the nightmares… it’s, it’s you. I’m a bit worried about you two.”

Alec shook his head. Clary was to Jace what Magnus was to Alec, and sometimes Alec forgot that Jace had a person that close to him too. Clary was the talker of the four of them and most of the time it was cute and maybe a bit tiring, but once in a while she hit the spot.

“Thanks Clary.” Alec sighed and swung his legs over the edge of the mattress and planted his bare feet on the floor. “Just give him the phone.”

“_Alec?_”

“Jace…”

“_Are you alright?_”

Alec stood up trying to locate where he’d laid his pants when he got ready for bed. “You’ve asked me that every day for over a week now. Yes, Jace; I’m still alright.”

Behind Jace’s silent breathing, Alec heard Clary talking quietly and then a door closing.

“_I’m alone, Alec. I know, something is going on. Please just give me something. Something real._”

Alec dropped his jeans and a t-shirt on a living room chair and dropped heavily down on the next with a sigh. “I don’t know what to tell you. We need to keep everything a secret for a little longer, but none of this is easy.”

“_Okay, okay._” Jace swallowed and cleared his throat. “_But call me. You need to talk to me, even if it’s only to sat that it not easy. I won’t ask for explanations, but I need to know that you’re keeping it together and I can’t do that from a text._”

With a tight jaw, Alec nodded, only to realize that Jace wouldn’t see that. It seemed as if he did though.

“_Go talk to Magnus, and call me in the morning. Not to early though. I need to get some hours of sleep in first._” Jace was back to his teasingly joyful voice, but there was no doubt that he meant every word.

Before they ended the call, Alec made sure that Jace trusted that he would call. He got dressed in a hurry and ran down the stairs.

* * *

There were few places in Alicante were Magnus would go to be alone. Two streets down there was a club opened recently by three vampires. The blue neon light reflecting in the still water in the canal, reminded Alec of the light behind one of the clubs in New York. They used to retreat to that small secluded alley when they needed a break from the pounding bass. Since they had moved to Alicante, they had both sought out that place, both together and alone.

Turning the corner, Alec saw Magnus sitting on the concrete edge of the canal. His back bathed in strong blue light and his face tainted by the soft reflection in the water. Alec took a deep breath to calm himself down, and not seem winded as he walked over and sat down next to him. Magnus’s fingers moved indecisively in and out between each other between his knees. Alec wrapped an arm around his husband’s shoulders and covered his uneasy hands with a calm palm. There was no reason to ask. Alec knew exactly how Magnus felt he’d just been too caught up with being uncomfortable and sick, to let Magnus show how much this was taking out of him.

Magnus leaned into Alec’s embrace and rested his head on his shoulder. With no words Alec let his thumb rub Magnus’s shoulder and leaned his head on the top of Magnus’s. He closed his eyes and felt Magnus’s breathing slow down.

When Alec started to wonder how long they had been sitting like that, the sun was already beginning to win over the cold blue light behind them. He lifted Magnus’s head with a fingertip on his chin and kissed his lips lightly.

“I’m sorry, Love. I know you want this as much as me.”

Magnus blinked his eyes slowly open after the kiss and gave Alec a small smile. After a quick kiss more, Alec got up and pulled Magnus with him. He was stiff in every joint and he’d gotten kinda cold. Even Magnus breathed strained when getting up. With arms wrapped around each other’s backs they started on the short walk home.

“You know?” Alec’s free hand played with the waist hem on Magnus’s west as they walked. “I think we’re doing it wrong.”

He felt Magnus almost pause his walk but they didn’t stop. “Is that so?”

They turned the last corner and Alec held the door as they both entered the building. “The book says it won’t wort before six hours has past.” He took Magnus’s hand and turned them towards each other. “What if it could work at any point after that, not only in the first hours?”

Magnus’s smile indicated that he followed Alec’s thought perfectly but he still looked up with questioning eyes. “What are you suggesting Alexander?”

Alec stepped forward, pressing Magnus against the wall in the process. “I think we shouldn’t just have sex once. I think we should keep trying till we know either way.”

Just for a second Magnus’s cat-eyes appeared, but he got it back under control with a slow blink. The huge smile on his face and his hands on their way up under Alec’s shirt, spoke clearly though.

“Shit! Hands!” Alec pulled Magnus’s freezing hands from his skin and held them in between their chests. “I know you can fix this as a warlock, but you seemed to have forgotten to take care of yourself.”

Alec turned a loudly laughing Magnus around by his shoulders and walked him up the stairs.

“Hey, I’m the one taking care of you.” Magnus almost stumbled over the last step, but Alec still had his hands on his shoulders, so he couldn’t fall that far. He turned and cradled Alec’s face with his cold hands. “Let me take care of you.” Magnus bit his bottom lip and let a hand glide down Alec’s chest.

Only barely controlling his own laugh, Alec pushed Magnus back and opened the door to the apartment. “Yeah, not today. Get undressed I’m fixing us a warm bath, although I’m sure you would be better off with a cold shower.”

* * *

Magnus was already sitting on the bed when Alec came home from work. The last couple of days, he’d been done with his clients early and it had been difficult for him to wait alone in the apartment. Today had been no different, and when he heard Alec in the hallway he was faced with the same mixture of fear and hesitant excitement as he’d felt the last four days, after they made the new egg.

He yelled out to let Alec know where he was, and two seconds later his husband stood in the doorway with a smile that erased all the worry. Magnus pushed himself a bit more up the headboard. “You look good.”

“Thanks. Feel good.” Alec walked over and sat on the bed next to Magnus’s legs. “You look amazing.” He leaned in to a kiss that spread warmth throughout Magnus’s body.

“Before or after dinner?” Magnus spoke with laughter in his voice. They were both thinking it anyway.

Alec kissed Magnus again, this time deeper and firmer and when he pushed Magnus down on the mattress, he had his answer. Alec’s lips on his was not giving much time or room for Magnus to breathe and he moved his hands vigorously down to open Magnus’s pants.

Magnus wondered what had prompted this. Sex had always been perfect and out of this world, but the last couple of nights it had been less than that. It wasn’t the first time they would jump each other every day for a period of time, but it was the first time they had decided to do so, and it had put a small damper on the fun.

Alec stood up and pulled Magnus’s pant-legs and Magnus quickly shifted from side to side to make it possible for him to undress him. Alec was over him again in an instant. Kissing his neck and spreading goosebumps under his shirt. Magnus gasped as Alec let light fingers tickle a line up his inner thigh. Automatically, Magnus shook and wrapped his legs around Alec’s hips, holding him locked standing between them.

A warm trail of kisses traveled from Magnus’s collarbone to his ear and with the teeth took hold on his earlobe he grabbed on to Alec’s t-shirt.

“Alec…” Magnus whispered over a gasp.

“Shh. Don’t speak.”

Alec’s raw low voice made everything even more overwhelming. He’d missed Alec taking charge. He’d missed Alec’s strong hold and the feeling of his lover’s body taking up the room between his legs and wrapped over him.

A steady and eager hand trailed over his ribs and Magnus’s lungs skipped a beat as Alec hastily moved it between his legs. Two heavy fingertips found their way between his cheeks and pressed firmly on his ring. Magnus clenched and grabbed tight on Alec’s shoulders. The golden brown eyes looking at him was filled with lust and excitement.

“Alexander…” Magnus inhaled deeply. He was already winded, not form doing anything, but from the surprise and the pace Alec had presented him with.

“What has gotten into you…?”

Magnus was cut off with a quick but forceful kiss and Alec was looking down at him again. “It’s your turn.” Alec grinned and added pressure with his fingers, resulting in Magnus gasping while he shook his head.

“No. Alexander we have to…” Magnus tried to move his hand seductively down Alec’s ribs, but it was still clumsily shaking when he made it to the waistline.

“Magnus.” Alec kissed him again. “You’ve been on top for four days…” He kissed his collarbone. “…this morning too.” Alec let his other hand slide up Magnus’s thigh, and Magnus felt himself lose all reasonable thoughts.

Alec stood up and held a hand on each of Magnus’s knees. He was beautiful standing like that; fully clothed between Magnus’s bare legs.

“I love everything you do. Trust me Magnus, I do.” Alec kissed Magnus’s knee. “But it’s about something else. Right now…” Alec raced for the drawer in the bedside table and took up the lube. “… right now, I want it to be about _us_. I miss this.”

“But…”

Alec held up a finger to stop Magnus from speaking more. “Tell me you don’t want it.”

Magnus couldn’t. Alec was already shifting his gaze from Magnus’s face to his half hard cock. Magnus shook his head and reached down and took one of Alec’s hands.

“I thought so.” Alec grinned. “If I’m not already pregnant, we’ll get it done tomorrow.”

With no pause to open for further conversation Alec smeared lube between Magnus’s cheeks and Magnus was pulled right back into the moment. Alec was hunched down next to the bed and as he placed kisses and small nipple of teeth on the upper inside of Magnus’s thigh he pressed in the first finger. It went deep and Magnus moaned loudly and involuntarily clenched around it. Alec kept moving and almost instantly found the prostate and sent heatwaves through his stomach and chest.

When Alec was in that mood, everything went fast and a few times Magnus had had to tell him to slow it down not to hurt him. Right now Alec was in an especially good mood and Magnus wondered how long it would be before he had to hit the breaks on this. Alec always listened. Magnus knew that his only goal was to make him feel good, and it had never killed the mood to slow down, so he’d always felt completely safe in Alec’s huge and energetic grip.

The second finger had Magnus gasp and when the third was pushed in after only one thrust, he cried out loudly and grabbed Alec’s hand on his knee. Alec paused and let Magnus find his eyes. When he did, Magnus nodded and Alec picked up the game again and thrusted his fingers in and out in a hurried pace.

With shaking legs and little room between him and the edge of the bed Magnus struggled with keeping his feet on the mattress. Alec must have noticed, since he held one knee as he stood up and pulled his t-shirt over his head and opened his pants.

Magnus was torn like he’d seldom been before. He was so ready to feel Alec inside him. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed him, until he was this close and he still wasn’t close enough. But he wasn’t ready, not his body. Alec was rushing this, just like Magnus’s mind was.

“Alexan…” Magnus breathed in deep, but his lungs fought for more air and he couldn’t get the word started again.

“I know.” Alec reached up and grabbed Magnus’s chin and steered his face in the direction of himself. “I know, okay?”

Before Magnus could process the words and nod, his body had already reacted to the promise of care and safety and let go of all worry. Left was only the fast breathing, the heat roaming inside and the tingling feeling in his hands and feet.

The three fingers spread more lube and pushed in fast. Magnus grabbed Alec’s wrist and pulled his hand from his chin to his chest. Alec took charge and laced their fingers. Looking into Alec’s lustful and affectionate eyes, Magnus felt the fingers leave and Alec’s cock pressing at him.

There was a pause. Alec was waiting for him. Magnus saw his muscles trembling, heard his loud breathing and felt his cock twitch against him, but he was waiting. With a nod and a smile strained from panting, Magnus gave the go-ahead.

It was perfectly wonderful. Alec was folded over him, wrapping him in a tight hug. Magnus’s legs were again wrapped around Alec’s hips and Alec was inside Magnus. It was tight, inside and out, and oh so familiar. The way they moved in unison was intuitively and Magnus didn’t need to think about anything. Alec picked up pace, and held him closer and safer.

Letting him body do what it needed, Magnus trembled under Alec’s last thrust and his gasping moan almost prevented him form hearing Alec’s lower groan.

He felt Alec’s chest vibrate, when Magnus’s leg shook as he let them loosen their grip on Alec a bit. With his arms wrapped tight around Alec’s upper back, he didn’t let Alec move. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to open his eyes or to have Alec’s arms let go of him.

Alec moved a little and pulled out, and Magnus didn’t care how pitiful his complaining whine sounded, but Alec still held on. He kissed Magnus’s shoulder, neck and then mouth. Magnus opened his eyes and looked straight into Alec’s hazy ones.

“C’mon.” Alec whispered as he pushed himself up, but Magnus held on and shook his head.

He would love to say that he was jokingly playing needy, but he wasn’t. If he could, he would stay like this forever; he would spend eternity in this feeling.

“Alright.” Alec chuckled. He didn’t lie back down though, but he pulled Magnus up in a hug and in one swift move he’d turned him on the bed and was moving up close to his side. He kicked his pants off and pulled the duvet over them.

If Magnus had been able to care about anything but Alec’s arms around him, he might had taken his shirt off before sleeping.


	8. Only the strong dare to hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They keep trying, but as the nausea seems to get worse, it's not easy to get in the mood. And doesn't the increase in nausea usually mean that they don't have to try anymore, or is the symptoms too early for this to be cause for hope?
> 
> Helen and Lydia makes an appearance in this chapter.

Alec stayed home working the following day. He found himself feeling more anxious than the other days and he didn’t want to leave the apartment. Magnus had declared that he had no work, even though it was obvious that he’d rescheduled more than one client. Only when Alec felt the instant relief to have him home, did he realize that it had been five days. Just like last time.

Magnus had been the perfect husband all day, not that he wasn’t perfect almost all the time, and had made all their meals from scratch and made sure Alec was taking enough breaks from work. When Alec complained about the fuss, he’d told him that when he had the rare opportunity to do so, he would make sure Alec was taking care of himself all day.

After dinner, Alec decided to put the work aside and drop down into the couch next to Magnus. Automatically, they laced their fingers and for a moment they just sat there looking into nothing. Alec could hear both of their breaths and it seemed like nothing else was present. All day he’d ignored that he was tired and felt uneasy in his own skin. He’d pushed it down as nerves and convinced himself that it would pass the next day. They just had to make it through this day and he wouldn’t be as anxious.

When a small hint of a cramp crossed his middle, Alec flinched and instinctively held his breath to feel what was going on.

Magnus sat up straight and turned towards him. “Alexander?”

They had clearly been fearing the same thing. Magnus looked intensely up and down Alec and he put his other hand over their laced fingers. The feeling had only been there for a few seconds and Alec was back to just feeling the bloating adding to his nausea.

“I’m okay. It’s nothing.” Alec failed miserably in hiding the doubt in his voice.

Magnus nodded slightly as if he acknowledged the fear that Alec was trying not to accept. He took Alec’s hands in each of his, rubbed the back of his palms with his thumbs and looked Alec in the eyes. “You’ve been feeling poorly today.”

It wasn’t a question but Alec still shook his head to try and convince Magnus. “I’m sure it’s nothing. It’s probably just from the vitamins or… maybe even…”He steadied himself before saying it. “Maybe even from being pregnant.” Alec couldn’t help but smile at the thought, even if he didn’t believe it.

With a small endorsing smile, Magnus kissed Alec’s lips softly and short. “Okay. Let’s trust in that until we know anything.”

The tension in the room hadn’t allowed for them to relax leaned against each other for much longer. They had silently agreed that there would be no sex that night and after both of them had had a mug of Magnus’s tea, they turned in.

If it hadn’t been for the tea and for Magnus lying in front of him, playing with his hair, Alec was sure he wouldn’t have fallen asleep. When he woke up early next morning, more nauseous than the night before, he was relieved to see that Magnus also had fallen asleep and was still sleeping peacefully next to him. Alec, carefully took his hand from Magnus’s grip and sat up. He let himself have a few seconds to get blood back to his head before he stood up.

There was no blood and his dizziness didn’t come back. But as he bend down to take of his pants to get under the cold water, his head pounded and it didn’t stop as he stood up. The shower was heaven sent. The cold water, eased his nausea slightly and almost took away his headache. As he turned the heat up bit by bit, he was surprised that his dizziness didn’t reappear. Breathing the steam, filling the room, into his lungs, Alec slowly felt relaxed his nervously tensed muscles.

Two timid knocks sounded on the door; it was a wonder Alec heard them through the water running over him. “Alexander.” Magnus called nervously. “Are you… are you okay in there?”

“I’m good. Nothing happened.” It felt so good to say it out loud. Alec breathed relieved and leaned his forehead against the tiles. “The door isn’t locked.”

Two seconds later Magnus pulled the curtain halfway to the side and peeked in. Alec must have looked okay despite his still subtle symptoms of… something, because Magnus’s shoulders dropped what looked like inches. He stepped out of the stream and put a hand on Magnus’s neck as he pulled him in for a long and heartfelt kiss. Alec felt good under the shower and when Magnus stepped out of his boxers and joined him, he almost forgot why he was in there at half past four in the morning. Strong arms turned him around and he felt kisses traveling over the broad of his back and up his neck. He leaned his head back and Magnus stood on his toes to nibble his ear. Alec’s lungs pulled in a fast and long breath trough his nose as he was keeping his mouth closed facing the falling water. He hadn’t thought of trying again today after feeling off and anxious last night, but here, the water running over him blocked every feeling except Magnus wrapped tight around him.

* * *

“I’ll get started on breakfast.” Magnus had offered to use his magic to dry and dress Alec too, but Alec had always felt like that was something he should do himself, so the warlock was headed to the kitchen.

“Can’t we just sleep an hour.” Alec grabbed Magnus’s wrist and pulled him back for a kiss. “Shower-sex is exhausting.”

Magnus turned back and lightly took Alec’s neck with both hands and kissed him again. “All our sex leaves us exhausted.” He graced light fingers down Alec’s bare and still hot chest.

It was amazing how turned on Magnus always acted after sex. Alec always wanted to stay together, bathing in their love, relaxing in each other’s arms, just staying close and being almost giggly in their talks. Most of the times, Magnus seemed just as alluring and teasing after as before, maybe that’s where their giggly teen mood came from.

Magnus placed his palm flat on Alec’s chest and looked up and him again. “And you need to eat. What do you want?”

Alec didn’t feel like eating but he knew it was no use trying to wait and of course Magnus was right; he needed to take care of himself.

“Would you allow me to survive on a fruit-bowl?”

Magnus took a step back and studied Alec’s face. “You’re still not feeling well, are you?”

Normally Alec was the big eater in the morning and always went for something with eggs or meat, it had been a request he knew would raise suspicion, but he didn’t want to hide anything from Magnus anyway. Alec pulled his shirt over his head and graced the back of his bent fingers down Magnus’s chin. “It’s just the nausea as the other day, and a headache, but I’m okay. I promise.”

Magnus took his hand and kissed it before he nodded. “Okay, but you’re eating protein later.”

With a chuckle Alec turned Magnus by the shoulders and pushed him gently out the door. “Anything for you.”

* * *

Even the fruits Magnus had prepared in the high serving-glass had been hard to get down. Alec wasn’t close to throwing up but he didn’t want to challenge it, and he’d used minutes glaring at the vitamin tablet and up at Magnus before giving in and washing it down with water. The omelet, Magnus had made for lunch had taken forever to finish. Magnus had looked curious at him doing the meals, but hadn’t asked. There was nothing to know that he couldn’t already see. Dinner had been no different.

After the two days at home, neither of them could neglect their duties anymore and when Magnus had left the apartment, Alec slipped into the black underwear and packed a bottle with ice-water, one with juice and a thermos with a tea that tasted like thin coffee, but had made it possible for him to eat to Magnus’s standard the previous day.

He came home late, tired and ready to collapse into Magnus’s arms, but not nauseous and his headache was gone. He hadn’t had any of the almost-cramps the whole day. Magnus must have heard him climb the stairs, because he opened the door before he could get to it. The look of worry and hesitation on Magnus’s face was replaced with a soft smile in under a second. If it was Alec who was easier to read or Magnus who had perfected the skill, Alec had no idea about, but he loved this soundless exchange that meant that he didn’t had to convince or reassure Magnus.

Magnus took him by the hand and lead him inside and wrapped his arms around him as he placed a peck on his cheek. “Good day?”

“Better than in a long time.” Alec brushed his hand through Magnus’s hair and kissed his forehead slowly. “Just tired. Can we sleep?”

Magnus nodded and walked to the bedroom with Alec drawn by his hand after him.

Day eight was spend roughly the same way, except Alec was asleep before Magnus came home and silently climbed into the bed with him.

* * *

The fear sat in as soon as Magnus woke up alone. He reminded himself that the last time this happened, Alec had just gone up to take a shower, but he still tore the duvet aside to check for blood. There wasn’t any, but Alec was wearing those underpants that prevented blood from spilling everywhere. Magnus looked at the clock on the table. Seven thirty in the morning. Alec had never been a morning person, but theses last weeks had been all up and down. He jumped out of bed and didn’t give himself much time to scan the room before his eyes were drawn to the closed bathroom door.

Taking a deep breath, once again reminding him that there was lots of reasons for Alec to be in there, he walked to the door and knocked it carefully. He wasn’t sure if Alec would even hear it unless he was completely quiet. There was no answer, no sound. Maybe Alec wasn’t in there. He could be anywhere in the apartment, and outside.

Magnus bit his bottom lip and pressed the handle down. “Alexander. Are you in there?” The door didn’t give and Magnus heard something move on the other side. Then he heard loud gasping. Magnus’s back tensed. Was Alec crying?

“Alexander. Can I come in?”

When only more gasping and heaving for air sounded through the door, Magnus knocked it hard. “Talk to me. Alexander, please.”

“I’m… goo-“ Alec’s words, which didn’t sound like he was crying, were cut off, by the unmistakably sound of someone throwing up.

“Cintaku?!” Magnus’s hand was already in place to magically open the door. “Say I can come in…”

Alec clearly started another wave.

“…if you can’t then make some kind of sound.”

Three seconds, of Magnus looking at his shaking hands, went by before something hard was slammed against the door. Magnus sprung the door open to find their shampoo blasted over the floor. Alec was leaned back against the bathtub next to the toilet. Breathing heavily and sweating.

Magnus stepped over the mess and hunched down in front of Alec. He put a hand on his cheek and Alec blinked slowly as he found Magnus’s eyes.

“What can I do?”

Alec just closed his eyes and build a small fatigued smile as he leaned his head in to Magnus’s hand. A small circle drawn in the air by Magnus’s fingers formed a white light and a bowl with cold water and a few cloths appeared next to them. As Magnus let the soft fabric spread cooling water over Alec’s forehead, Alec gasped and opened his eyes.

“Shh. Relax.”

A few minutes later Alec seemed to have come back all the way and he was sitting up a bit more. Magnus didn’t stop washing his forehead, neck and chest until Alec took the cloth from him and held his hand still.

“Thanks.” Alec only whispered.

Magnus held Alec’s neck as if he still needed help holding his head up. “Always. Do you think that was it? Are you ready to move?”

Alec nodded but didn’t move until Magnus was on his feet and ready help him up. Magnus didn’t have to help Alec much walking to the bed, but he had the feeling that his husband was walking on at least 60 percent will-power. When he was propped up against several pillows and wrapped tightly in the duvet, Magnus sat on the edge of the mattress.

“How are you feeling now?” Magnus asked hesitant, and didn’t want to ask the next question. “Do you know what this is?”

Hastily, Alec took Magnus’s hand and held it firmly. “I’m not bleeding.”

With a few fast blinks, Magnus managed to stop the burning in his eyes. “That’s such good news, but Alexander…” he hesitated for a second. “…even if you got pregnant the first night, it’s only nine days; it’s early for you to feel like this.”

Alec nodded, but still smiled as he took Magnus’s other hand too. “I know, but it’s better than the alternative. The reports in the book weren’t clear on the days. Maybe it’s just earlier for men.”

Alec had a point and for now there was no reason to worry about anything they couldn’t do anything about, even though that way of thinking hadn’t helped them earlier. Magnus nodded and looked at three of his fingertips drawing lines up Alec’s forearm. “How do you feel otherwise?”

“I’m the same I guess. Just more.”

“More?” Magnus needed more that that. He needed real statements not _more_ of something he wasn’t sure what was.

“Yeah. More bloated, more tired, way more nauseous…” Alec took a break to breathe deeply and Magnus held on to his hand a little tighter. He relaxed again and then looked down. “The thing is… I’m cramping.”

He looked Magnus in the eyes and clearly saw him thinking. “Not a lot.” He quickly added. “It’s just more than the other days and it leaves my muscles kinda sore. It’s not a pain, and I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Alec let go of Magnus’s hands pulled the cover closer around him. He was clearly getting embarrassed talking about this. It wasn’t like him to complain about small things like this.

“Hey.” Magnus moved a bit closer and helped him get the cover all the way to his chin. “I believe you when you say that it’s not bad. Thank you for telling me.” He let his hand grace Alec’s jawline when he sat back. “A few of the books I’ve read says that small cramps and tenderness in the belly and lower back is normal and it can start early. I’m not sure if a week is too early but so far there’s no need to worry.”

With that, it seemed like Alec calmed a bit and the smile he gave was nothing but safe and tired.

An hour later, Alec sprinted for the bathroom and repeated everything, except now he had Magnus rubbing circles on his back and steadying him as he sat back after. After the fourth trip out there in under five hours, Magnus sat a bucket next to the bed. It tore into him every time he had to hold a shaking Alec over the edge of the bed, knowing that he could easily stop it and make him sleep, but he couldn’t use his magic on Alec. He could only make the mess in the bucket disappear and be the horrible person who made Alec eat and take the tablet again that evening.

The night was easier. Magnus only woke op from the sound of throwing up once. The next day Alec left for work, much against Magnus’s will, and with strong demands to consume something more solid than the tea that settled his nausea.

* * *

After two clients Magnus had an opening in his day so he decided to come by Alec’s office. He met Lydia in the hallway coming out of Alec’s office.

“Magnus. Good to see you.” She seemed in a hurry, but took her time to stop.

“You too. It’s been a while.” The two of them had mastered the act of small talk. They were good being around each other and Magnus was glad to see her again, but they never talked about something big or important in their lives. But this was new, he knew that Helen had told her about them trying to get pregnant, but he had no idea how much she knew or if Alec had had to explain anything to her. You look in a hurry.”

“Well, yeah.” She looked at the folders under her arm. “Alec has a lot on his plate today, so I offered to handle a meeting with the Berlin institute.”

Magnus couldn’t help his eyes springing to the closed door to Alec’s office and he had clearly failed in hiding his sudden strike of concern. Magnus was surprised too feel Lydia’s hand on his shoulder.

“I think it’s great what you’re trying to do.”

He felt a frown build between his eyebrows. “You do?”

“Yeah. I don’t know it’s progressing, but I see how happy Alec is, even when he tries to hide how exhausted he is.”

Magnus felt himself on new ground with Lydia but somehow it felt good to have another person, confirm that what they were doing was okay, even good.

“How is he?” He asked with the risk of bringing Lydia even more into the whole thing. But in some way it felt okay to do so. He was glad to have someone who knew about this, with Alec when he couldn’t be. Even though she didn’t know that they maybe was closer than ever to make this happen.

“He’s more tired today. I guess both of you are using a lot of time and energy to get this planned out. Two days ago I almost thought you already had started. Truth be told; he asked if I could take the meeting.”

Alec hadn’t told her that they were trying already. The muscles in Magnus’s back relaxed, but he was still longing to get in to that office.

If Lydia was really that much in a hurry or she felt Magnus’s impatience didn’t matter because she cut the conversation off either way. “I have to run. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

Magnus went to open the door, but found it locked and Magnus stood back in surprise. Alec always had his door open; he was always available to anyone who needed him. He shook his head as to make himself move again and knocked the door.

“Who is it?” Alec’s voice was far from the door.

“Alexander, it’s me.”

A few seconds later the door unlocked and Magnus opened it to find Alec leaning back against the wall next to the doorframe. He was winded and a small cover of sweat was making his forehead shine in the light from the sharp light over his work-space. Magnus closed the door and stood front of him holding his shoulders.

“Alexander. You’re not well.”

Alec inhaled deeply through his nose and looked at Magnus with a small smile. “It’s only the second time. I’m a lot better than yesterday. I’m just glad to have my own bathroom.”

“C’mere.” Magnus wrapped Alec’s arm around his shoulders, and even though Alec was clearly able to walk by himself, he let Magnus guide him to the chair by the desk.

Magnus instinctively put his hands on Alec’s forehead, but Alec took his wrist and kissed his hand. “I know you mean well, but I’m telling you; I’m not sick.”

Even though, Alec wasn’t warm, Magnus felt like they had to discuss the meaning of being sick. Magnus’s eyes landed on the empty wrapping from one of the sandwiches served in the canteen. He snapped his fingers and under a white light, a cold cloth formed in his hand. Alec’s breathing slowed down as Magnus moved it slowly from his forehead over his temple and jaw, down his neck.

“Do you think you would do better with some sorbet and ginger tee?” Magnus asked cautiously not to set off a new wave of nausea.

Alec leaned into he touch of the cold on his neck and smiled lovingly and gratefully. “So much better.”

Magnus moved his hand slowly over the table and on it appeared a plate with mixed berries and salty crackers, a serving glass with lemon sorbet and a cup of steaming hot tea that spread the scent of ginger throughout the room.

Magnus hunched down in front of Alec and held on to his knees as he looked up at him. “Maybe it’s time to find out if this is real.”

Alec looked confused and shook his head, more as a question than a refusal.

“I think you should take a test.” Magnus spoke with almost no sound.

Alec took his hands in his and smiled overbearingly. “They didn’t have those tests in the 15th century. We don’t know if it will show anything.”

Of course there was a chance that the test would give a negative even if Alec was pregnant. They didn’t know if he made the same hormones in the same levels. The books hadn’t clarified anything about the testing. They had all started after the woman knew she was with child.

“I know, Alexander. But it could give a positive and then we would be sure.”

With a short shake of his head, Alec leaned in to kiss Magnus’s forehead. “No, love. I don’t want to. What if it shows a positive and it’s not real?”

Defeated by the hard truth, Magnus turned Alec towards the table and pulled a chair over for himself. Neither of them could bear that disappointment. Already now, he was having trouble keeping the hope from taking over completely, and he could see Alec struggling with the same.

Magnus forced a smile and took one of the blackcurrants for himself. “Eat… and please make room for some of the crackers too.”

* * *

Alec hated taking the vitamins. He was sure they made half his nausea and he was most likely throwing them up anyway. However, the pitiful looks, he despised himself for making but couldn’t help, didn’t make Magnus change his mind.

It had been two days more of the same. He went to work and locked the door two or three times the first half of the day. He wasn’t sure if his nausea naturally seized during the day or of it was Magnus’s daily visit that helped.

The next day, just one day short of two weeks after they had made the last egg, it was worse. Alec was confident that he’d hidden it from Magnus in the morning, but after Magnus had left he’d seriously considered staying home.

He’d only been at the office for one and a half hour when he wondered if it was time to rush over and lock the door and head for the bathroom for the fourth time. He’d struggled with dizziness for the last half hour too, so he might need a bit more time getting there. He was interrupted by a knock at the door. Putting both hands on the table in front of him and closing his eyes while he took a deep breath, he prepared himself. He could get through a short conversation.

“Come in.”

Helen appeared in the door. “Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Inquisitor.” For some reason she insisted on calling him that. “I have some files you need to look over and an international hunt to sign off on.”

Alec swallowed and gestured for her to put the paperwork on the table, and thanked the Angel that she didn’t need to ask him about something complex. It didn’t skip his mind that she was studying him closely as she walked closer. She was walking way to slowly. He felt sweat building on his forehead and in his palms. He swallowed again and tried to smile at her.

“Are you alright?” She slowed down her hand the last few inches of putting the papers on the table.

“Sure, I’m just…” His arm flew over his mouth before he even knew what was happening. He ran to the bathroom and wished with all his heart that he had had time to close and lock the door behind him. With grips to the seat, strong enough to make his hands shake, he retched into the bowl. He knew by now that holding it in, only made for it to be even more horrible. He should have told Helen to wait when he heard her knocking.

“Sir?” Helen’s voice was almost nonexistent and cautious as she stood in the door opening.

Alec held up a hand as to stop her from coming closer, but had to quickly replace it to keep steady as the next wave hit.

“What can I do?” Helen had either not seen or she had ignored his demand. Her voice was more secure and she was almost next to him.

He shook his head. Heaving in air made it impossible to speak. He heard her walk hastily away, but she returned within seconds. “I locked the door. I figured you didn’t want more of an audience.”

In exhaustion and slight relief, Alec’s head dropped to his forearm still on the toilet seat. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Helen hunch down beside him. “Alec. What do you need?”

He wanted to show her that he was okay; that he didn’t need anything, but the small movement, trying to push himself back, prompted his stomach to contract again and he started over.

A hand was on his back. Somehow it was good to have a security that someone was there. This was more violent than any of the other times and he couldn’t see it ending.

“I’m texting Magnus.”

In one of the mercifully given pauses, Alec shook his head, but there was a determination in Helen’s voice that Alec hadn’t thought he would hear unless it was work-related.

“He’s probably on his way over anyway. We’re just asking him to take a shortcut with a portal.”

It was too early for Magnus to come by, but he didn’t have the energy to argue. The familiar gust of wind from a portal sounded in the office.

“Alexander? Helen?!”

Alec tried to call out, but he gagged again. Too weary to keep steady, he had no choice but accept Helen’s hands holding his ribs, as his stomach cramped to get out something there wasn’t there. Two firmer, stronger, hands took his shoulders and his fear of falling to the floor vanished.

“Alexander?” Magnus paused. Alec felt him assess his current state, which couldn’t look anywhere near good. “How long has he been like this?”

“Fifteen minutes, maybe.”

Alec felt like it had been at least half an hour. He was starting to hurt and when his stomach relaxed again, he all but passed out with his forehead on both arms, folded on the seat.

“Mag…”

“Don’t.” Magnus stopped him from speaking. “Take a minute first.”

Alec nodded silently and concentrated on slowing down his breathing. Conflicted about staying in place, just in case, or moving back to get more comfortable he reached for Magnus’s hand on his shoulder. He didn’t even care that Helen was there anymore, and that she was still holding him steady. Magnus squeezed his hand.

“Do you think it’s over?” Magnus was steady as a rock but spoke silently and loving. “Are you safe to move?”

It still didn’t feel safe to nod but he pushed himself back, only a small inch but Magnus and Helen took over. They paused as he gagged and his whole body tensed in fear of starting up again while moving away from the toilet. Nothing happened and Helen let go, giving room for Magnus to get Alec seated against the wall.

“Can’t you stop it?” Helen was looking at Magnus and the before found security in her voice was replaced with confusion and slight panic.

Alec looked up at Magnus and forced a smile, but his eyes closed in a long blink before he could see Magnus retaliate, he knew that he was through. He heard it on his voice when he answered.

“No. It’s not safe with magic, just in case.”

There was a pause while Helen’s frown disappeared and her eyes slowly got bigger and lighter. She nodded with a smile as she stood up. He seemed a bit flustered but was already headed for the door as she spoke quickly. “Okay, ehm… hang in there. I’ll make a run to the medical bay.”

“Helen!” Magnus called out to stop her. “I’m still a warlock, remember?”

The white light in the small tiled room had Alec’s dizziness spike and he held tighter to Magnus’s hand making sure he wouldn’t tip over to lie on the floor as he had to close his eyes. As soon at the buzzing from the magic stopped, Magnus’s other hand grabbed his neck and steadied him from swaying.

He heard Helen step back into the room and he slowly opened his eyes to find pillows and towels next to them. Magnus and Helen carefully got his legs stretched out and placed a pillow under his knees. When Magnus took the other pillow and pushed Alec forward, Alec’s stomach churned and he gagged. Desperate to hold in what he knew wasn’t there he held his breath and at the same time grabbed Magnus’s arm hoping that they together could get him to the toilet in time. He didn’t know for what. He was done. He had no more to get rid of. Magnus pushed him back against the wall and held his shoulders.

“Breathe, Alexander.” Magnus’s eyes were calm and he spoke with no panic or hesitation. “You need to try and control it. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

Alec swallowed the excess saliva in his mouth and leaned his head back onto the hard tiles. He kept looking at Magnus as he tried. The muscles over his ribs ached as he filled his lungs slower than before. It made it easier though. He was still dizzy enough that he was almost sure he couldn’t sit up without Magnus holding him.

“Good. That’s it.” Magnus leaned in and almost didn’t touch his forehead as he placed a small kiss there. He took Alec slowly into a hug and Helen placed the large pillow behind his back and head. As he was slowly led back against it, he was almost held up by the soft embrace.

As Magnus started cooling him with the water, like he’d done so many times the last days, Helen sat down on her knees close to them. She took Alec’s hand in both of hers and Alec watched her study him closely.

“Alec. Have you been able to hold down water?”

Magnus paused and looked briefly at Helen and then at Alec, demanding an answer as much as her.

“Not today.” Alec felt suddenly apologetic. He should have told Magnus, but he hadn’t thought about it that way and what could he do anyway?”

It was hard to see Helen’s hand on Magnus’s to calm it, when Alec was too lethargic to get there first. She turned back to Alec. “You’re dizzy, right? And tired? More now than this morning?”

Alec nodded. He’d might as well let her question him; Magnus would if she didn’t anyway. Helen let go of his hand and now it was her who looked apologetic. “I’m sorry to have to ask, but you just threw up… a lot, and no tears were in your eyes… when did you last urinate?”

Totally set back by the question, Alec looked to Magnus for support. He wanted him to tell Helen that it was inappropriate and ask her to leave, but Magnus only moved closer and brushed his hand through Alec’s hair.

“Alexander?”

He couldn’t believe that this was really happening. That this was his life. For a second he wondered if it had been better for him to have passed out or at least me a bit more out of it, so they wouldn’t expect him to answer, but here he was.

He shook his head and tried to remember. “Ehm. Last night I guess.” He felt Magnus’s hand hold him tighter and decided that he might as well could continue explaining. “You heard me three times last night, right?”

The memory had Alec pause and take a few deep breaths through his nose and when he was back in control, Magnus nodded for him to go on.

“I didn’t lie to you. It was nothing like this, but when I washed the taste down after it just came up again.” Alec ignored Helen completely and shifted a bit to turn more towards Magnus. “Magnus. It wasn’t like this, I swear.”

“It’s alright, Alexander. I know. You would have told me.”

Helen interrupted carefully with a hand on Magnus’s shoulder. “Can you conjure up an IV. He needs fluid now.”

“I don’t.” Alec shook his head slowly at her. “I just need a few hours of sleep and I’m good.”

Magnus looked at her for confirmation and she shook her head before looking sympathetically at Alec. “You have no tears. I’m worried the next will be fever.”

There was few things Alec hated as much as being helpless and in the care of others, but to have a coworker, a person he normally had the last say over, take charge like that was a new low. Helen nodded at Magnus and Alec managed to turn his head and close his eyes before light danced in the room again.

“Do you know how to do this?” Magnus sounded hesitant and when Alec looked back, Helen was sorting all the sterile packages next to him.

“We all do. Every shadowhunter has training in the most basic medical treatments. It’s not often that we need to use it, since most have an iratze, but we can. If Alec was more alert, he could probably do it himself.”

“Magnus…” Alec’s voice was only a whisper as he felt his nausea rising again.

It was clear that Magnus saw a reluctance in Alec that Alec hadn’t even fully understood himself. “What is it Alexander?”

Alec closed his eyes slowly, as his dizziness spiked, but pulled Magnus’s hand to his chest to let him know that he wasn’t passing out. He was too tired to deal with this, and too occupied with feeling crappy to figure out why he didn’t want to let Helen take his hand.

“Alexander?” Magnus asked worriedly. “Let’s just get you better so we can go home.”

Alec shook his head and even with his eyes closed he was sure the room was spinning. Magnus’s hand’s held the back of his head and his shoulder, which mean that the two other hands on his other upper arm had to be Helen’s.

“Couch?” Magnus was not talking to him, not that Alec wanted to try giving an answer if he was.

The sudden movement when the two people lifted him to his feet sent chills from his neck to his legs as his blood dropped from his head. His stomach churned and he hung on tight to Magnus but had to let Helen help support him as well. As they started moving he opened his eyes to get some idea of what was happening. The floor was moving as if he was on water and when they finally was close enough to the couch in his office he closed them again, trusting the two others to get him there safely.

Only after he was on his back with his head on Magnus’s thigh, did he dare to look again. Magnus’s fingers was lightly playing in his hair and the dark brown eyes neatly framed by black eyeliner and gold makeup was looking softly down at him.

Helen took his hand and without knowing what happened he pulled it back to his chest. He watched her and Magnus share a confused look. Then Magnus’s hand pushed Alec’s face towards himself again. “What’s going on Alexander?” He sounded more confused than worried.

“I’m not sure.” This was freaking embarrassing. Even more so than being held up while puking. “I don’t need it.”

“Your heartbeat is too fast; it was even before… whatever that was.” Magnus sounded sorry and it made Alec feel bad about worrying him with this nonsense. “Alexander. Let us take care of you so you are healthy, if there is something in here _you_ need to take care of.” He put his palm carefully on Alec’s lower belly and for the first time that day Alec found himself able to relax his middle without fear of throwing up.

He nodded up at a smiling Magnus, but looked to Helen who was kneeling down next to him, already holding the bottle of rubbing alcohol, in her gloved hands.

“I’m…” He shook his head and looked up at her, not able to decide if he should plead or tell her to get the hell out. It didn’t make sense. He’d never felt this way about anything like this. He didn’t have a problem with normal needles. The image of the big one, from almost a month ago, felt the panic take over.

Helen leaned in closer to make sure he was seeing her eyes. “Hey, I know you’re not normally like this, and I’m not telling anyone. Just look at Magnus.”

It made everything a bit easier to handle that this was how he really was and that she would keep it between the three of them. Now he only had to manage his rising nausea and the tense shaking in his arm.

“Alexander, look at me.” Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek and turned his head slowly to look up at him again.

Alec swallowed and shakily breathed in through his nose. Magnus’s thumb rubbing his cheekbone and his soft smile made it easier to steady the next breath. Alec slowly moved his hand towards Helen. When she took it, he could feel that it was still slightly shaking.

She rubbed the back of his palm with the cotton swab and Alec gasped from the sudden cold surprise. He heard the crispy plastic surrounding the needle being ripped.

“Ready?” She wasn’t really asking; it was more of a warning and as he nodded Alec secretly praised her for not babying him.

The sharp pinch was almost not there, but Alec had to close his eyes to control a gag, and only saw the big syringe again.

“No, Alexander.” Magnus held his face just a tiny bit firmer, “You’re tensing up. Look at me.”

Slowly blinking his eyes open not to give in to the nausea, he found ease in Magnus’s presence over him.

“There you go. I’ll get out of your hair now.” Helen stood up and Alec looked at the line for the fluid leading in under the white tape on his hand. She put a hand on Magnus’s shoulder and smiled at him before turning on her business demeanor again and looked at Alec. “I’ll tell everyone who askes that you had an emergency meeting. Don’t worry about anything. Thanks to you; the clave is a well-oiled machine.”

Before she could step away, Alec reached over with his unoccupied hand and grabbed her hand. “Thanks.”

She nodded with a smile. “Just take care of yourself and let me know if I can help.”

Alec silently agreed and she walked to the door and turned back before she opened it. “Magnus, I trust that you can lock this from there.” She was out and had closed the door before they could answer.

* * *

After the IV-bag had run through, Alec felt less dizzy and even though he hadn’t been feverish, he felt as he’d cooled down a bit. It all meant that he had been able to sit up in the couch and eat almost a full plate of the meal Magnus had conjured. He’d even texted Jace, before Jace had contacted him, and told him that he was good and would call tomorrow.

Alec had noticed Magnus being unusually quiet and that he didn’t take the eyes of him for more than a few seconds. Not that Alec could blame him. He must have scared him badly. When Alec had suggested that they used a portal to get home, Magnus had almost turned as pale as Alec was sure he himself had been earlier. They had decided that they would eat first and then walk, even though it had seemed as if Magnus considered to sleep on the floor next to the couch.

“I’m okay, Magnus.” Alec had lost count of how many times he’d said that by now.

“I know, Alexander.” Magnus turned in the couch and Alec put the plate dawn and turned towards him as well. Magnus hesitated for a second before looking Alec in the eyes. “Do we believe it yet?”

Alec looked down at his hands fiddling in his lap. “I want to, Magnus. But I’m not sure I can.”

Magnus put a hand over Alec’s and waited for him to look up. “I don’t want to be disappointed either, but I think we need to consider everything.” Alec’s breath shook a little and Magnus moved a bit closer before trying again. “Listen, it’s been 13 days and I’m sure this is not from the vitamins.”

Alec bit his bottom lip. He was trying so desperately not to believe it; he was sure he couldn’t handle it if it turned out not to be true. The light and hope already flowing from Magnus, was making it impossible to push his own down.

He sighed and couldn’t help but smile as he put his hand on Magnus’s cheek. “We have to be…” It was still weird to even try and say it. “… right?”

Magnus nodded. “I hope so.” Tears were building in his eyes. “I think so.”

Alec pulled Magnus in for a slow kiss, feeling him tremble just like himself. Magnus straightened his back and took both of Alec’s hands. “I didn’t want to ask yesterday, since we agreed, but I researched a bit about the tests. The hormone it is detecting is made in the placenta.”

It was obvious where this was going, but Alec shook his head in question as he didn’t follow the path Magnus was taking.

“The placenta is in the uterus, it’s the nutrition for the fetus… Alexander, it means you will have the hormone. The test should work.”

Sudden fear stroke Alec. His hands tightening in Magnus’s and his breathing spiking, was enough for Magnus to see it.

“Do you remember what I told you that night on the balcony? When it didn’t work?”

Alec just waited for him to continue. They both said a lot of things that night, mostly Alec, and he wasn’t proud of any of it.

“I said _we’re in this together_. No matter what happens. We will handle it together.”

A lump in Alec’s throat made it impossible to speak, but when the first tear appeared in the corner of his eye, he’d already answered Magnus.

“I think we should try, Alexander.”

Alec breathed in deeply and the tear rolled down his cheek only to be caught by a light touch of Magnus’s thumb.

“Okay. I will take one tomorrow.”


	9. When you soar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec takes a pregnancy test...  
The nausea isn't getting better by itself, so while figuring out how to make their regular lives work, they are also trying to learn how to keep Alec from being sick.

Magnus never sat on the floor, and least of all on the balcony, but that was where he’d found Alec. Sitting cross-legged, face to face, they were both looking down at the backside of the three different pregnancy-tests, carefully arranged between them.

The time was up, and had been even before Magnus sat down, but he’d decided not to hover over Alec, and had stayed back until Alec had sat down. After that, Magnus had had difficulty walking out there.

Magnus wasn’t sure if he should wait for Alec or if he was the one who had to say something first. He looked up at Alec for a second. He was still frozen in place with his hands on his knees and his eyes locked on the three plastic sticks. Only his chest was moving. Not too fast, not fast enough for him to be sick like yesterday either. Both of them had slept lightly and had woken up more times than they could count, but Alec’s nausea had let him stay in bed. He looked okay now too, but they hadn’t eaten. They couldn’t drag this out that long. Magnus looked at the tests and felt his lungs start to contract. He couldn’t drag this out anymore.

“Alexander.” Magnus whispered. He didn’t know if it was because it was the first word of the day or not to startle Alec.

Alec swallowed and took a deeper breath but didn’t move, so Magnus put a hand on Alec’s. “Alexander. Let’s do this.”

Alec looked up and found Magnus’s eyes. He looked as if he had just realized that he wasn’t alone and that the someone who was there, knew exactly how he felt.

Magnus leaned in a little to make sure he had Alec’s full attention. “I’m scared too.”

Alec nodded and held on to Magnus’s hand. “Please…” He looked down, and held on a little tighter. “Magnus. No matter how this… please…”

“Hey.” Magnus lifted his hand up on both of his and waited for Alec to look at him. “We’re in this together. We promised, remember?”

Alec smiled with a short nod and took one of the tests with his free hand. He held it backside up and looked at Magnus. He took a shaky breathe. “I will share with you, my truest feelings.”

Magnus’s heart dropped and he felt his hand shake in Alec’s. He smiled back through tears building in his eyes. “And when you speak, I will listen.”

“I will catch you when you fall.” Alec’s voice cracked.

Magnus quickly kissed his hand and looked up with a smile and spoke the line they both hoped would be the promise they got to keep now. “And when you soar I will help you reach your greatest heights.”

A brief moment of eye-contact went by before Magnus took Alec’s neck and pulled him in to rest their foreheads on each other. “I love you Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane.”

“And I love you Magnus Lightwood-Bane.”

Both of them took a deep breath and they looked down at the thing in Alec’s hand as he turned it around. Two lines.

Magnus’s heart skipped a beat. He’d read the packaging close to fifty times and still he had doubt that he remembered right. Alec took Magnus’s hand and held it tight as he quickly turned the other two around. One showed a plus and the last one had a small screen that read; pregnant.

“Magnus.” Alec’s voice was only formed air and he was still staring at his shaking hand holding the last test.

This was it. This was going to happen. No a dream or a wish, but a reality. Magnus looked from Alec’s face to one test after the other and back to the stunned face. He swallowed the lump in his throat and wrapped both hands around Alec’s and the test.

“Alexander.” Magnus could hear his own smile on his voice at the same time as he felt tears rolling over his cheeks.

Alec looked up. He was biting his lip and tears were flowing over his face too.

“You’re pregnant.” Magnus wasn’t sure Alec was truly hearing him and he underlined the statement by squeezing Alec’s hand tighter around the plastic. “We’re going to have a baby.”

The eye-contact he had with Alec became suddenly real, as if Alec had only just arrived.

“A baby…” Alec’s lip quivered and new tears spilled. “Magnus. It worked; we’re actually pregnant.”

Magnus took Alec’s other hand and held it with his other and leaned in to kiss him. Alec retaliated and they joined in a long and warm kiss, that left both of them close to gasping for air. When they stilled with their foreheads still against each other, they were both still shedding tears.

They looked at their hands wrapped around the test again and Magnus was surprised by the first chuckle from Alec and looked up. He was met with Alec’s huge mesmerizing smile and glazed over eyes. Laughing, Alec shook his head and put his hand on Magnus’s cheek. Without looking away, he dropped the test and held one of Magnus’s hands to his stomach.

“There’s a kid in here…” Alec kissed Magnus quickly, maybe cut short because he started laughing again. “Magnus. It’s absurd. We’ve hoped for this, fought for it. Now it’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

Magnus laughed and wiped away the tears on Alec’s cheeks, before he took Alec’s hand from his face and put the last two of their hands on Alec’s stomach. He looked Alec in the eyes and controlled his laugh before speaking. “It is my honor to pronounce you one.”

* * *

After a rather big breakfast to celebrate and the time Alec had spend over the toilet after, cursing every bite, he’d retracted to couch on the balcony.

It was a warm day, but they had been up early and the wind was still cool enough to soothe his warm skin after the unwanted workout. He looked at the phone in his hand. Jace’s number was already up on the screen. Magnus had said that it was okay for him to tell Jace. Actually, he had encouraged him to do so. He’d only demanded that Alec wouldn’t be alone when he did. Alec didn’t want to tell just yet and Magnus had kissed him on the forehead and gone inside, while Alec made the call.

Alec had no idea what to say. How do one explain any of this? He only knew that he had promised to call and that he really wanted to talk do Jace right now anyway. He called the number and with a big breath he put the phone to his ear.

“_Alec. How are you?_” Jace hadn’t let the phone ring twice before he answered.

“I’m good.” Alec couldn’t help but smile at the statement and he was sure Jace could hear it on his voice. “I’m really good Jace. We both are.”

“_Does…_” There was a sound of a door closing and Jace talked faster. “_Does that mean… well, what I think it means?_”

It was incredible how much joy and hope there could be in a voice that was still clearly coming out of worry and concern. Alec wanted to confirm and make him at ease, but telling the truth wasn’t really confirming what Jace had in mind anyway.

“We’ve got some good news” Alec was sure Jace wanted to shake every word out of him. He’d been out of character patient with Alec lately. Listening to Alec explaining that he was tired, anxious, hopeful and ten other emotions all mixed in one, and Jace hadn’t asked for explanations. “We’re still not sure about details but right now it’s looking good.”

“_That’s kinda vague, but the way you sound today is so much better, so I’m only going to say that I’m happy for you._”

Alec pushed himself up to sit with his elbows on his knees. He frowned and pause for a second. “Are you really okay with me not telling you more than that?”

Jace laughed loudly. “_No..._”

Confused, Alec waited for Jace to silence and speak more clearly.

“_No. Alec, I hate not knowing. I’m not okay with it, but if what you and Magnus are not talking about make you as happy as you are now, I’ll just have to deal with it a little longer._”

Alec smiled and looked down to find that his hand had already instinctively covered his lower belly. “Thank you, Jace. I promise that you will be the first to know.”

“_I better be!_”

Alec could practically see Jace’s smile through the phone and his own build bigger. “Don’t worry, you’ve made perfectly clear by now, that I’m not surviving telling anyone else before you.”

“_Right. And Magnus either. You make sure he knows and then call me if anything changes._”

“Sure thing.”

Alec shook his head as he put the phone down and when he looked up, still with the smile on his face, Magnus was standing in the doorway, leaning against the wooden frame.

“It looks like that went okay.”

Alec moved over and made room for Magnus to sit.

“I’m telling you Magnus; he’s so understanding and considerate, I’m not sure if he’d had a stroke or if he’s possessed.”

Magnus sat down with a laugh. “And I’m not sure what has gotten in to you, since you don’t want to tell him.”

“We’ll _I_ know.” Alec held back a laugh, by biting his bottom lip, but Magnus’s confused gaze made it near impossible. “_You _did.”

He took Magnus’s face in both of his hands hand kissed him quickly and then watched as Magnus’s face fought the smile trying to cover it.

“Alexander.” Magnus kissed both of Alec’s hands before lying them in his own lap. “We know now. There’s no way back. When are we going to tell everyone?”

Alec wanted to scream it over the railing of the balcony, to send fire-messages to every institute in the world. Most of all he wanted to portal to New York and sit everyone down and explain, but he wasn’t going to do that. He knew that Magnus wasn’t in a hurry either; he just wanted to make sure Alec was alright and that he wasn’t holding it secret for the wrong reasons. Alec didn’t think he was.

“Soon.” Alec looked down and smiled. “Can we just wait till I’m not bend over the toiled for the first two thirds of the day?”

Magnus smiled and Alec moved closer and leaned his back and side against Magnus. He placed Magnus’s hand on his belly and his own on top. “Let’s wait till we have something else to show for it.”

A light kiss fell on Alec’s temple and Alec laced his fingers with Magnus’s. “Alright, cariño. Let’s give this one a little more time.”

* * *

Alec inhaled the faint fragrance of peppermint and felt his lungs fill without provoking his nausea. His headache was still pounding and he had to close his eyes as Magnus pushed him to lie down on the couch. The two weeks after finding out that he was pregnant, hadn’t been any easier than the days leading up to it. Magnus had studied his own books on medicine and remedies and all the pregnancy books he could get his hands on. They had had a bit of luck with lavender in aromatherapy, but it hadn’t worked long, and the days after Magnus had brought home one thing after the other. Some were making it a bit easier, some had no effect, but the scent of cardamom mixing with the lingering smell of fennel from the day before had resulted in Alec spending the day on the balcony with a bucket, as the apartment aired out.

Alec had been in for work in the afternoons as he usually felt better after using the first half of the day to carefully eat enough for him to have his energy up. There have been days, days like this one, where he hadn’t been able to leave the house. The first day Alec again couldn’t hold down fluid, Magnus had called Helen she had talked Magnus through placing the IV so he could do it himself the next time. Alec had cursed and told both of them that there wouldn’t be a next time, and it was overkill then too. He couldn’t deny that he felt better after though. Not the next two times either.

Magnus’s footsteps came back from somewhere and Alec opened his eyes to see him kneel down next to him. A light hand brushed the damp hair from his forehead and an even lighter one took Alec’s hand.

“Magnus…” Alec breathed in again and took a second to enjoy that he wasn’t using any muscles to hold himself up anymore.

“No, Alexander. You are not getting another try to hold down anything. You need fluid.” Magnus spoke silently and kind.

He had no reason to raise his voice and he knew it. Alec was exhausted; he’d over four hours, barely making it out of the bathroom before turning around and going back in. Magnus was bound to be exhausted too; he’d been the one holding him after he got too weak to hold himself up. Besides, it wasn’t the first time that Magnus had needed to answer Alec’s plea just to wait a little longer with the IV. Alec was slowly getting better with needles again. He was sure the dehydration and exhaustion had made the time in the office so much worse than it should have. And it did make it easier that it was only him and Magnus in the room.

Magnus brushed his fingers through Alec’s hair and looked him in the eyes. “Ready?”

Defeated, Alec nodded and turned his face towards the back rest of the couch. Magnus held on securer to Alec’s hand and Alec jumped from the cold alcohol on the back of his palm.

“Easy.” Magnus placed a firm hand on Alec’s shoulder. “I’m not surprising you with it, you know that. Take a deep breath.”

Alec did as told and let the peppermint soothe him what little it could. He wasn’t sure if the aromatherapy could help if some of the nausea was from nerves about needles. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m sure I would put up one hell of a fight if someone tried to do this to me.”

Alec turned his head, a little too fast, and as he waited for the room to stop spinning he saw Magnus inspecting the needle.

“Magnus…?” Alec whispered, not sure if the rapid movement had provoked hid stomach. “Have you never… well, why would you?”

Magnus shook his head and looked at Alec. “No, I haven’t. No IVs, blood-draws or injections.” Magnus’s sounded as he was far away in thought and Alec was sure he saw him move under a chill.

“Well…” Alec raised his voice from a whisper and held on to Magnus’s fingers in his hand. “I guess it’s good that it’s me, puking my guts out every half an hour then.”

“Your way of finding the silver lining is incredible.” Magnus talked with laughter on his voice and leaned in to kiss Alec’s cheek. He sat up with a small frown through. “Alexander. You’re getting hot… and not in the good way. Let’s do this, okay?”

Alec nodded and turned his head to look at the ceiling. He felt a new cold swab on his hand but didn’t move.

“Breathe.” Magnus talked softly, but was clearly concentrating hard.

Alec took a deep breath and closed his eyes and felt the thumb on Magnus’s hand holding his, rub the side of his hand.

“Here we go.”

Alec nodded and the small pinch didn’t startle him. It wasn’t the bad thing. The thing making his stomach churn, always scaring him that he might throw up, was the soreness right after. It wasn’t painful and it only lasted for a few seconds while Magnus pulled the needle out and secured the cannula, but it was from something moving under his skin and he hated it.

Magnus moved and held both of their hands on Alec’s chest and his light fingers combed through Alec’s hair. Alec slowly opened his eyes to see Magnus looking apologetic down at him. He smiled up at him and placed his free hand lightly on his cheek, gracing his thumb over Magnus’s cheekbone.

“Thank you.”

Magnus looked over Alec’s body and turned his sad eyes back to Alec’s. “For what?” He sighed heavily. “For forcing you to eat, stabbing you with needles and making you take those vitamins that is making it all worse?”

Alec shook his head and smiled softly. He couldn’t believe that Magnus felt bad for hurting him. He wasn’t. “For taking care of me.”

Magnus’s hand found Alec’s on his cheek and covered it, as he leaned further into the touch. “I wish that you would consider finding some medicine that could help you before you get dehydrated.” Magnus was almost whispering.

They had had that conversation before. They both knew that it couldn’t be healthy to have this many ups and downs. Alec was worried that he wasn’t getting enough nutrition for the baby, but it wasn’t like he could go to the medical center in the clave and ask for advice; how would they know how to do?

“We’re handling it.” He smiled as he shifted a bit to make room and pulled Magnus over to sit next to his thighs. “They managed before, when they didn’t have these kinds of drugs.”

Magnus nodded, but didn’t look like someone who had lost the discussion just yet. “The records didn’t show that they were this sick, this long. Can we please just talk to someone else? A doctor? If you don’t want to talk to Catarina or some stranger, maybe we should call Elisapee.”

Alec had no intention of doing that, but he couldn’t deny his own concern for the baby’s health. And Magnus wasn’t hiding his at all. He was getting flashbacks to just an hour ago in the bathroom, just but thinking about portalling anywhere, but if they could get some kind of reassurance by taking a trip to Alaska, he would do it.

“Okay.” Alec nodded and smiled as he saw the smile on Magnus’s face. “Let’s go see Elisapee, but let’s wait till I can hold down a bit of food again.”

Magnus shook his head. “You’re not going to portal anywhere. It’s not safe when you’re pregnant.”

“Magnus, I’m good…” Alec tried to push himself up a bit, big mistake. His stomach cramped up and his headache spiked and made him blind. Magnus guided him back down and caressed his cheek till he was able to focus again.

“You were saying?”

“Okay, not today.” Alec found Magnus’s hand and held it lightly. “Portalling wasn’t on the list of things not to do, until the last few weeks of the pregnancy. It’s completely safe as long as I can keep down my breakfast.”

“There’s not need to risk it. I’ll call her while you get some sleep.”

Magnus covered Alec with a blanket and kissed his forehead before leaving the living room. The thought of being locked up in Idris for nine months, or was there only eight left? Either way, it was too long, and before he knew it, Magnus would most likely keep him from walking to work as well. Come to think of it, Magnus hadn’t left Idris for the last two weeks either. Both of them would go insane before he even started showing. Alec looked down himself and moved his hand to his belly. When would that start? He couldn’t imagine how he would look and how it would feel to carry a baby around inside him. He’d tried to pictured it since Magnus told him that story, for what felt like ages ago, but now it was real and he still had no idea.

* * *

Elisapee didn’t have much to add to what they already have tried; only two things they hadn’t tried. Magnus didn’t understand how ginger had skipped his search; he knew that from his practice. She’d suggested ginger in everything, teas, food, flat ginger ale, which only had Alec running to the bathroom again, and even those small crystallized candy. Those had actually been good, but after a while even that had become too much of the same and Alec had started hating them. But alternating between the lavender aromatherapy, the peppermint, ginger and Magus’s tea, they had avoided a new round of dehydration in five days. Magnus walked around in constant fear that Alec would start all over when the sparse remedies didn’t work anymore. The days where Alec was working was the worst, and he had been for the last four. He should be happy that Alec felt good enough to spend more than half the day in the office, but sitting around waiting till it would be normal for him to visit, was torture. Magnus had considered taking a few more clients to fill his time, but there was only so much to do in Idris and he didn’t want to leave.

Magnus hadn’t told Alec about the other remedy, but he was sure that Alec knew that he was hiding something. There would be no reason to mention it unless they needed it. He was sure Alec would either throw something at him or head right to the toilet. Besides, it wasn’t something they could do themselves, and Alec wasn’t ready to involve more people.

It was late and Magnus was contemplating calling Alec or even make a trip to the Clave, but he’d already been there today, and people was starting to notice that he was visiting more than usual. When Alec dropped his jacked next to the door, Magnus was already by his side. He didn’t even use energy or time to snap his fingers and hang the jacket. Alec was exhausted and only smiled softly before placing a kiss on Magnus’s lips.

“Alexander. You’re working too hard.”

Alec kissed Magnus again and pulled him slowly into the living room. “You’re still not, I see.”

“Well, I have to be here to great you when you come home.” Magnus pulled Alec closer by the hips and looked lovingly up at him. “I’m sure you don’t feel like cooking this late.” With a slide of hand over the table and two bowls of steaming soup appeared.

“Is there ginger in there.” Alec breathed in heavily through his nose.

With a small smile, Magnus pulled out the closest chair and gestured for Alec to sit. “There might be.” He spoke quietly. He knew that he again was the overprotective caretaker that pushed things on Alec.

“I can’t anymore.” Alec sat down but pushed the bowl away with a frown on his forehead and a clenched jaw. “My now it’s just reminding me of the taste when it comes up.”

Magnus snapped his fingers and the soup and the smell was gone. He pulled his chair close to Alec and sat down, facing him. “What do you want?”

“I just ate before I left the Clave.” He spoke quietly without looking up and Magnus felt surrender on the dejected man.

With a silent sigh, Magnus put his hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Alexander? Did you keep that down?”

The long breath leaving Alec’s lungs gave Magnus his answer. Slowly, he took Alec’s knees and turned him to face him. “How much have you been able to hold down today?”

Alec kept his eyes down as he shook his head. Magnus closed his eyes and weighed his options. He could see that Alec didn’t have any more to choose from. He took both of Alec’s hands and accepted that Alec wasn’t looking up.

“It’s been almost three and a half week since you started with this. I think we need help.” Magnus talked softly, but it wasn’t a question.

There was no reaction from Alec, not even a sigh or a movement in the hand’s Magnus was holding. However, that Alec wasn’t objecting was a clear reaction to Magnus.

“I think we should have Elisapee contact someone she told me about.”

Alec looked up, the confusion trying to take over the fatigue.

Magnus sat on the edge of the chair and held on tighter to Alec’s hands. “Anthony Glaspy. Back when she was too overbooked she used to send the patients he could help to him, and after she decided to stay in Alaska he’d been able to help some of the ones that couldn’t go to her.”

“Magnus.” Alec lifted Magnus’s hands and kissed them. “We can’t use magic, remember? Besides what could another warlock do that you can’t?”

“He’s not a warlock. He’s a vampire, and he’s schooled in things that takes a long time to learn and I don’t have the time to acquire that skill.”

“What skill?” Alec suddenly looked awake. “Why don’t you just say it? Why didn’t you tell me this right after you talked to her? Who is this guy anyway? Can we even trust that he won’t talk? How do we even explain this to him?”

“Alexander.” Magnus calmly broke off Alec’s stream of questions. “I didn’t feel the need to bring it up, because I knew you didn’t want anyone else involved, but now… Alexander, we’re cornered. It’s either calling Catarina or asking Anthony to help.”

The scared and confused look on Alec made it clear what the next question would be. Magnus didn’t give him time to ask it. “I know you don’t want medicine. He does acupuncture, he can help without giving you anything.”

The hands in Magnus’s pulled away and Alec stared firmly at him. Then he shook his head. “You want to invite a vampire into our home to stab me with needles?” He talked controlled and didn’t sound angry; more surprised than anything.

“You don’t have anything against vampires. I know that.” Magnus cupped Alec’s chin and Alec let him.

“No, I don’t. It’s not that part that is troubling.”

“If you don’t want to, I understand, but we need something else to make this better. Someone else.”

“I know but…” Alec shook his head. “I’m not sure it will work and I don’t like the thought of some stranger making a pincushion out of me.”

It was impossible for Magnus to hide the small chuckle escaping his throat. It didn’t matter, because there was a tiny hint of a smile on Alec’s lips.

“If it means you can be better.” Magnus put his hand on Alec’s stomach. “Both of you. Then I think it’s worth a try. At least it an option more before we have to call a shadowhunter-doctor, or Catarina.”

Alec took Magnus’s hand from his stomach and kissed it. “Okay. But you need to do something too.”

Magnus all but fell of the chair.

“Of course. Anything.” That could be a difficult promise, but it was one he needed to make.

Alec cupped both of Magnus’s cheeks and looked him straight in the eyes with a soft smile. There was nothing but love shining through the exhaustion in his eyes. “You need to work. You need to go back to real life.”

Magnus shook his head in confusion. _This_ was real life. It didn’t get more real than this. Work could wait.

“Love...” Alec graced his thumb over Magnus’s cheekbone. “I know you want the best for me… for the baby, but you will go nuts like this.” He leaned in and kissed Magnus on the lips.

Alec’s willpower to make this work and live their lives as normal as possible was incredible and he was almost convincing Magnus, purely with the look in his eyes.

“I need to come home to the Magnus I know and love.” He move a little closer and their knees bumped together. “I need the Magnus Bane that cares about the _whole world_ and makes the end of my day perfect by telling me about the funny things he’s experienced in country I didn’t know existed.”

Magnus had missed working, but it hadn’t been a priority. There was enough warlocks in the world and as the high warlock of Alicante he had the authority to send someone on his behalf. But Alec had hit the spot, not only for himself, but for Magnus too. He only just realized that what he’d missed more than work was the feeling of accomplishing something and the look on Alec’s face when he told him about the amazing and the fun. He wrapped his hands slowly around Alec’s wrists and leaned into one of the hands on his cheeks.

“Okay.” Alec looked surprised and relieved. Magnus spoke quietly. “I’m not going to stop worrying. I’ll call you whenever I can and you better not ignore any of my calls.”

Alec smiled and leaned in to kiss Magnus light and short. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Magnus nodded and gathered Alec’s and his hands in his lap. “I’m still going to insist that you eat as well.”

With a small surrendering nod, Alec smiled. “Can I settle for fruit tonight? Then you can call Elisapee tomorrow, to set it up with this Anthony?”

* * *

Two days later, Magnus had opened a portal and a man as tall as Alec stepped into their living room. His blonde hair was turning gray, or had been when he transitioned. Elisapee had explained everything and he hadn’t questioned their choices or seemed like it was too weird. After Alec and Magnus had grilled him enough that they both were sure he would keep this between them, he had only asked about what Alec needed help with in detail.

Magnus stayed by Alec’s side, literally. Even he was starting to feel like he was more protective than he needed to be. Alec didn’t seem to mind though, and when he laid back on the bed, on Anthony’s request, he reached out for Magnus. They both breathed a bit easier when Magnus was seated on his knees on the other side of the bed, holding Alec’s hand in his. He brushed his other hand through Alec’s thick locks and let his hand rest behind his ear. Alec seemed less nervous about it all than Magnus had expected and he couldn’t figure out if it was an act since they weren’t alone.

“Let me walk you through it first and then we’ll get started.” The man talked calmly. Even after, patiently answering everything Magnus and Alec could think to ask about how he knew Elisapee and where and when he had learned acupuncture, he was still kind and took his time. “I’ll clean the skin first and then place three pins in your ear…”

“My ear?!” Alec frowned as he looked at the man sitting next to the bed.

“Yes. The ear contains points for almost every part of the body and a few for the brain too, it’s one of, if not _the_, most used body part for acupuncture. With your nausea being this hard on you I would like to use a few points on your foot too.”

“Okay. I guess so.” Alec looked up at Magnus, clearly not convinced that this was the way to go.

Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand and turned to Anthony. “This is safe, right? You can’t accidently do something that is dangerous or that would make it worse? Magnus felt a chill run down his spine. If things were to get worse, it would definitely mean that Alec had to spend time in a hospital, just to get the nourishment he couldn’t get himself.

“It’s safe.” Anthony put a hand on Alec’s shoulder and Magnus like that he wasn’t talking over Alec, but to him. “I’ve done this for centuries, Alec. On pregnant women too. Never a pregnant man, but the digestive tract is the same in both sexes.”

Alec reached over with his free hand and took Magnus’s shoulder. “It’s alright, Magnus. Just as you said: It’s worth a try.”

They shared a smile and Alec, sat up and took of his left sock before he got settled on his back with his arm down his side again. Alec nodded at Anthony to get started and Magnus watched carefully as he cleaned Alec’s ear with alcohol and unwrapped the first needle. It was tiny, thinner than Magnus had expected but it was still a needle and it was going to sit in Alec’s ear in a second.

“Will it hurt?” Magnus asked trying to not sound worried and while still doing his best to convince himself that he was asking so Alec wouldn’t be surprised by it, and not to make himself feel better. He was the one who had suggested this in the first place.

Anthony smiled at him and then looked down at Alec, who looked like he wanted that answer too now. “You will feel some of them. They’ll might hurt the second they are going in, but it will be painless when they are there.”

“That’s fine.” Alec looked up and Magnus and squeezed his hand. How did this turn around to Alec reassuring _him_?

Alec looked to the ceiling and the needle came close to his ear.

“Here’s the first one.”

The relief on Alec’s face when it didn’t hurt, was enough to make Magnus relax and for them to smile at each other. The next one had Alec breathing in fast and squeeze down on Magnus’s hand. Magnus hushed him and cupped his chin as if to steady his head, but Alec wasn’t moving. Alec nodded that he was ready again and the third needle was unwrapped. That one had Alec lock his jaw and hold his breath. He clasped down on Magnus’s hand and only let the air out of his lungs in a long controlled breath after Anthony had let go and sat back.

“Alexander?” Magnus whispered and brushed his thumb over Alec’s cheek.

Alec opened his eyes and smiled at Magnus before he looked at Anthony. “That one wasn’t fun.”

The vampire smiled apologetic. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s the ones that hurt that you need the most.”

He pushed the chair down and as he was down next to Alec’s feet he poured alcohol on another cotton swab. “I’ll only do two under your foot.”

Alec lifted his head to look down, clearly setting off a wave of nausea and Magnus supported him slowly down as he gasped from trying to control his stomach.

“Try to lie still, Alec.” Anthony put a hand on Alec’s lower leg. “I’m not doing anything before you give the okay.”

Still with his eyes closed, Alec lifted his far hand and Magnus took it quickly; steadying him as he got his breathing back to normal. Slowly, Alec calmed down and opened his eyes. Magnus was holding both his hands and was looking straight into those deep brown eyes. It was clear that Alec wasn’t scared, but he wasn’t happy about this at all.

“You said _under_ my foot. Where exactly?” Alec asked calmly.

Magnus received a nod from Anthony and then he placed a finger under Alec’s foot. “Here...” It looked like it was right above the heel. Right were the skin started to be thin. He moved his finger up just over the middle but almost all the way on the inside of the foot. “…and here.”

The expression on Alec’s face was clear that Alec had drawn the same conclusion as him; this could end up being painful.

“Okay then.” Alec stated determined. He kissed Magnus’s hand and let it go, placing his own down his side again. He held on tighter to the one Magnus still had in his. “Let’s get it done.”

When Alec jumped a little from the cold alcohol under his foot, Magnus leaned in and kissed his forehead, leaving his hand buried deeply in Alec’s hair when he sat up.

“First one, Alec.”

Alec nodded and a second later he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Magnus had no idea how Alec managed to lie still. Even without the possibility of pain, Magnus was sure he would have jumped from just the thought about something going into his foot. Alec opened his eyes and took another deep breath.

“How was that?” Anthony seemed almost hesitant about asking, but he looked sure enough that he was doing everything right.

Alec smiled and answered Anthony and he looked at Magnus. “Not too bad.”

“Okay. Last one for today then.”

All the muscles in Alec’s arms and neck tensed and small twitches appeared next to his tightly shut eyes. Magnus massaged his scalp and lifted their joined hands to his own chest. Only a second passes before Alec relaxed and looked up at Magnus again.

“Sorry about that one.” Anthony stood up so Alec could see him without moving. “You should only have them in for half an hour the first time. Now are you comfortable? Cold?”

Alec shook his head lightly.

“Does any of the pins hurt still?”

Confused, Magnus looked down at Alec. He had just said that they shouldn’t. That this couldn’t go wrong.

“Magnus.” Anthony smiled at Magnus when he looked up. “It’s not uncommon for a pin to hurt a bit. I’m asking because Alec needs to relax and he can’t do that if something is feeling wrong.”

“Calm down, Magnus. I’m fine.” Alec was almost laughing. He turned to Anthony. “One in the ear is still kinda sore.”

Anthony leaned in and put his index finger lightly on top of one of the pins. Magnus was following his every move.

“This one?”

“No. I think maybe it’s lower.”

Alec was amazing at this. He was amazing in almost everything if Magnus had a vote, but this was more than just tolerating it because he was desperate. Alec was okay with it and seemed to trust Anthony.

“Yeah. That one.” Alec spoke a little higher and his hand twitched in Magnus’s.

Magnus looked closely as Anthony moved the needle out, what seemed like, less than a millimeter.

“Better?”

Alec breathed deeply. “Much. Thanks.”

Anthony stood up straight again and nodded satisfied. “I’ll be in the other room for half an hour. Alec, you need to relax, if you could sleep that would be good, so no talking you two.” He looked at Magnus before he left and it was like Magnus could feel Alec’s smile radiating from beneath.

Alec’s eyes were locked on Magnus when he looked down at him. He had three needles in his ear and two in his foot and still he was okay with it? They should have done this when Elisapee had told him about it a week ago. Alec wasn’t desperate enough to consider it back then, but they should at least have done it before now. He just hoped it helped. They needed it to help, but at least Alec didn’t hate it, and somehow it seemed as if Alec was already believing that it would.

“Magnus.” Alec whispered, maybe to not let Anthony hear. “Magnus, lie down.”

With a smile Magnus leaned in and kisses Alec’s forehead. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay.” Alec pulled Magnus slowly closer with a light hand on his neck and kissed his mouth. “Lie down. I can’t sleep with you sitting there looking at me.”

Magnus chuckled as he lied down. “Is it better that I’m lying down when I’m watching you sleep?”

“Definitely.” Alec laced their fingers as soon as Magnus was situated on his side next to him. “It’s a lot less creepy that way.”

With light fingers on his chin, Magnus turned Alec’s face a bit more towards himself, moving the ear with the needles longer from the pillow. He let his fingers draw lines on Alec’s jawline as he watched him close his eyes. Not long after, the strong fingers, intertwined with Magnus’s other hand, loosened and Alec’s breathing slowed down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be one of the fluffy chapters, but of course I couldn't let completely go of the hurt/comfort. I never seem to be able to. I promise more happy fluffy times.
> 
> (Side note: I have a thing for Alec calling Magnus for Love. It warms my heart every time I write it.)


	10. Asking for help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is handling the nausea much better and it makes room for moments where the two of them can just be and not think about everything going on. But pushing thoughts down, because they're terrifying, can have bad results.  
Also: when the nausea isn't that big of a problem, Alec finds out that pregnancy brings other "symptoms" with it.

The breeze on Alec’s face was not there to cool him after a rough day, it was only to keep the moment real. Magnus’s fingers intertwined with his was not to comfort him, they were only a link of love between them. That Alec had rested his head on Magnus’s shoulder wasn’t because he was exhausted, it was only to be closer to him. As they laid under the blue sky, and Alec felt the grass on his feet beyond the edge of the blanket under them, he listened to Magnus’s slow breathing. It wasn’t slow because he was calming Alec down, showing him how to breathe. It was slow because he was sleeping.

For four weeks Alec had been so much better. Both of them had. He’d still been sick in the morning, and sometimes up the day, but he’d only had to stay home two or three times. Not only was his energy up, but every time he held back the nausea, he relished in the fact that his sore and raw throat didn’t have to endure a new round of vomiting. Anthony had been there twice a week and even though Alec was okay with the small needles and they both trusted the vampire, Magnus insisted on being there every time, sitting next to him, holding his hand. It had become a moment of serenity for both of them. After a few times they had more moments like that. Just like now.

Anthony had been there yesterday and Alec had a good day. He’d kept down breakfast and because Magnus didn’t have any clients, Alec had taken the day off too. It was almost like they were back to normal. Alec had convinced Magnus to take clients outside Idris again and even though he himself hadn’t left Alicante in over two months, since they placed the last egg, he didn’t miss it. He had stayed in town for periods longer than that before he got pregnant and he hadn’t had a reason to leave yet. He figured that he and Magnus didn’t need to discuss portalling as long as there wasn’t a reason.

The leaves on the large oak, shielding them from the sun, fluttered in the wind and a chill spread over Alec’s body when the cold air moved over him. Magnus hummed and Alec froze and held his breath. He wasn’t ready for this to be over, not even with the faster wind making him too cold for comfort.

Magnus breathed in deeply and squeezed Alec’s hand, and Alec knew that this was it. The fingers that had been playing in his hair before Magnus fell asleep came back to live and Alec couldn’t help but stretch into the touch. A light kiss touched his temple and when he turned hit head, Magnus’s big brown eyes were looking into his.

“Hey there.” Alec whispered with a smile.

“Hey you.”

Magnus slowly rolled to his side and Alec did the same. Face to face they placed their joined hands between them. A new gust of wind graced them and Alec failed to hide a shiver.

“You’re cold.” Magnus let go of Alec’s hand and held his neck, gracing a thumb over his jaw. “Alexander, you’re freezing.”

Alec smiled and shook his head. “I’m not… well yeah it’s getting cold but it’s just the wind on my face. Here…” He took Magnus’s hand and moved it up under his shirt, gasping at the cold fingers on his warm skin. “See? I’m not cold.”

“Okay.” Magnus’s shoulders sank and his cold palm paused for a second on Alec’s belly as he moved his hand out. He kissed Alec slowly on the mouth, but not slow enough for Alec. He wasn’t done when Magnus sat up. “Let’s get home while were both still warm then.”

He offered Alec his hand when he stood, but Alec just shook his head and got on his feet. But he didn’t mind the hand on his shoulder, when he bend down to get his shoes on. He breathed in slow and deep before standing straight again, and still his blood didn’t follow him all the way. Magnus took his shoulders and he took Magnus’s. As soon as he was back to seeing only one husband in front of him Alec kissed him and stood free of his arms.

“You good?” Magnus didn’t sound worried, but he wasn’t taking his eyes of Alec.

“Just a head-rush. I’m fine.” He bend down to get the blanket but Magnus grabbed his shoulder and stopped him.

“Just let me, will you?”

Alec took a step back and watched Magnus roll up the blanket and pick up the bag with the juice and the tea, he insisted they’d bring everywhere. He could easily had snapped his fingers and the blanket would be rolled neatly, with no grass hanging on to it. But it seemed to Alec that Magnus was enjoying to do more and more stuff the slow way. Yesterday he’d brought home all the ingredients from his travels for work and made lasagna without magic. Alec liked the slow pace and even as the wind got stronger, neither of them sped up their steps as they walked home hand in hand.

When they stepped through the apartment door, Alec was feeling the fatigue slowly rolling over him, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the walk, the slowly building nausea or the fact that he now really was cold. Magnus picked up on it as soon as the door was closed behind them and Alec paused in doubt of what to do.

“C’mon.” Magnus tightened his grip on Alec’s hand and pulled him to the couch. Alec sat down and Magnus wrapped a blanket around him. “Tea or chocolate?”

Alec had developed a taste for chocolate, all kinds of chocolate, except the one with ginger Magnus so happily ad brought home.

“You spoil me.” Alec moved his arms out from under the blanket and took Magnus’s hand, pulling him down next to him.

“So chocolate?” Magnus grinned and when Alec nodded, he waved his hand and a cup of steaming hot chocolate was on the coffee table. Alec liked the slow pace of not using magic, except when magic meant that Magnus didn’t have to leave his side.

Alec sipped the chocolate slowly while Magnus gingerly rubbed his neck. Even though Alec wondered if the tea might have been the wiser choice, he couldn’t deny that the touch and hot drink warmed him faster than he thought possible. They had learned some pressure points from Anthony to help with the nausea, but Alec didn’t want Magnus’s hand to move away from his neck.

“You’re tense.” Magnus broke the delicious silence with a small voice.

“I’m not.” He wasn’t thinking about anything but how the chocolate did wonders for his abused throat, so he wasn’t sure what Magnus was on about.

Magnus pressed a bit firmer on his neck and Alec gave a little as he touched on a sore spot.

“Alexander. You’re tensing up.”

Alec felt it now. He wasn’t as relaxed as he thought he was, but he felt better. He wasn’t dehydrated and throwing up every five minutes. He was able to work and to have days like this where he just enjoyed the calm when the two of them were together. He’d loved every minute of Magnus telling him about his days and had laughed with him, without fear of exhausting himself.

He put the almost empty cup on the table and turned towards Magnus. “I’m feeling great. The nausea isn’t bad at all. So what if I’m a bit tense? I guess I’m just thinking a lot.”

Alec hadn’t even realized it before he said it, but it made sense. Of course they would have a lot to think about. Magnus nodded and leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. “Thinking about what?”

“I don’t know.” Alec cupped Magnus’s cheek and sent him a smile that he hoped would ease his worry a bit. “Work. The future… The baby.”

“The baby?”

Magnus had definitely picked up on his hesitation. Alec felt his stomach churn, and not from nausea, as he realized that he had to admit to himself, and worse, to Magnus, that he’d been thinking about this.

“Yeah. I guess it’s normal. But…” Alec looked down and took Magnus’s hands in his, before he looked up and met his eyes again. “I’m not really scared about it, but I can’t help but wonder if it will be a healthy child.”

Magnus’s eyes darkened and his questionable look changed to slight shock. Alec quickly moved closer and cupped his cheek again. “I’m sure it’s normal for everyone to think like this. I’m not worried; the thought is just there, like I can’t really shake it. You know? I’m sure it will pass.”

Magnus bit his lower lip and nodded with a smile. “You’re not scared about this?”

Alec shook his head and could smile without deceiving Magnus.

“You don’t think we should see someone to make sure. Maybe we should call Catarina.”

Alec didn’t want to do that. He hated the thought of anyone knowing right now. Earlier he’d wanted to tell everyone but had held back, because they wasn’t sure. Now they were just enjoying themselves, they were happy. He was sure that everything would get so much more stressful as soon as people knew. He wanted to hold of on that just a little longer. Even Jace was feeling that things had calmed down; he hadn’t been so adamant on talking and had settled for texting for over a week now. Looking into Magnus’s worried eyes now, had him doubt the decision. He didn’t think it was necessary, but if it could ease Magnus’s mind he would do it. Maybe not with Catarina though.

“I don’t think we need it. Everything is just as the books say. I can eat full meals now, and is almost only throwing up in the mornings. I feel good.” He smiled again and leaned in to get better contact with his eyes. “Magnus, if you think we need to, we should. But not with Catarina. I want to keep it to us selves a little longer.”

Magnus nodded. Alec knew that they agreed that what they had right now was calm before the storm. “If you’re not worried about you and the baby, I’m not either.”

“Ha!” Alec sat back and shook his head. “You will worry about me and the baby all the way through this. Don’t even try to deny it.” He kissed Magnus’s hand and took the cup of very little and now very cold chocolate and downed it.

“I know.” Magnus laugh sounded forced after the quick change in pace in the conversation. “But, if you don’t think is necessary, I’m okay with waiting. But how long?”

Alec leaned back and pulled Magnus in to lean against him. “As soon as you say so.”

He wasn’t going to fight Magnus on it, they both needed to be confident about this. But right now he didn’t see the need for a doctor. He just needed to believe that everything was okay and not jump in the hole his mind was making sometimes about their child not being born healthy. Of course it would be, and anything but sickness they could handle. They would love the child no matter what, so there was no need to think about any of that. The thoughts were small and far between enough that Alec could easily convince himself that it was normal to think that way, even if it made his neck a little tense these days.

Alec combed his fingers through Magnus’s hair and felt him breathe in deeply. “You know it wont be long before people can see it anyway.”

* * *

For five days, Magnus’s mind had concentrated on keeping an eye on Alec. Yesterday had been one of the bad ones, not like before, but enough that Alec had taken another day home. This morning Alec had left for work and Magnus couldn’t breathe.

He’d made short house calls in Alicante but hadn’t left Idris the last days. He didn’t know why he suddenly didn’t want to leave Alec for too long. He’d been fine the weeks before their talk. They had both been enjoying being pregnant. Alec handling the nausea and the small cramps and Magnus had loved being able to pamper him without it coming from worry. Now everything was worry. Not about Alec or the pregnancy, but the baby.

With a loud sigh he closed the door behind him and sat down by the dinner table. He opened he calendar and wondered if he could move the appointment he had tomorrow back again. There was no way it was happening. His work seemed so unbelievably unimportant next to the thoughts about the baby. He tried to picture their life with a child, but whenever he got to how the kid looked he couldn’t stop his chest from tightening. If it was a warlock or a shadowhunter didn’t matter. He had always hated the word _normal_, but he couldn’t help it from appearing. They would love their child either way, but what if it wasn’t a normal or maybe even a healthy baby? How were they going to handle that?

Closing the book he looked at his watch. It was too early to visit Alec at the office. He felt better around Alec. He knew that he’d thought the same thoughts, but he was handling it. Magnus didn’t feel like he could relax on the couch or the balcony and he wasn’t hungry. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten. Alec hadn’t held down dinner last night and had been too busy to notice that Magnus didn’t eat. This morning they had both been busy and after making sure Alec ate he’d taken a shower, excusing it with wanting to eat eggs and bacon when Alec had left. Alec had developed a pure disgust for the smell of bacon. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to eat; he just didn’t feel the need. He could keep going with magic for a few days anyway.

He should be working. There was a warlock in Brazil who needed some recipes for something Magnus couldn’t remember and a werewolf somewhere in Asia who needed to be put in contact with another warlock than the one in town. Magnus couldn’t remember the details right now and when he pulled his notebook from his pocket he noticed his hand shaking. He placed the book on the table and put his palm on top. He let the other hand join and watched both shake even while they were resting on the steady surface.

Magnus knew it was just his mind making everything worse, but he’d never reacted physical like this. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, and folded his hands in his lap. He had to stop thinking about what could happen and just live in the moment. Worrying about the future never brought anything good with it. Worrying about the risks of having an unhealthy child was stupid.

“C’mon, stop this.” He stomped his foot on the floor as he talked out loud. “You’re Magnus Lightwood-Bane. You don’t freak out like this.”

He shook his head and stood up. Talking to himself was a new low. With now shaky knees, he supported himself on the back of the chair. His body was reacting to his thoughts before they were clear in his mind: _What if the child isn’t healthy? What if it isn’t normal and we don’t know how to help? Can we give it a good life?_ His breathing got more strained and he tried to shake his head to shake the thoughts out, but he only got more dizzy and had to use all his energy on holding on to the chair.

_We don’t have anyone to help. How did we get so unprepared for the unknown? What if we lose the child?_ Magnus gasped as the thought snuck in between the others for the first time. His sight blurred and he had to sit himself down to the floor before he fell down.

“Oh my God…” He heaved for air before he whispered again. “What if I lose both of them?”

The whole room spun around him and he pushed his hands to the floor, failing to ground himself. He needed to stop it. He knew that he would end up passing out if he didn’t. His breathing was too fast and his chest hurt as if someone was standing on it. Not thinking about it he pulled his phone from his pants pocket and forced his shaky fingers to call Alec.

“_Magnus. I’m busy, but I’ll be home in half an hour._”

Magnus was sure he wouldn’t last two minutes. “Al… Alec…” He pulled in air fast.

“_Where are you?!_” Alec was almost shouting, but Magnus wasn’t sure he’d be able to hear him if he wasn’t.

He heaved in a loud and desperate breath. “Home…”

“_I’ll get a portal._”

“No… I can wait… Walk.” Magnus didn’t want Alec to portal. He shouldn’t. It was wrong to have called him. Now he’d caused him to stress.

“_Yes! Breathe Magnus. Two seconds, okay?_”

“No… I’ll…” Magnus could get there. It was better it was him. “I can…”

“_Don’t you dare go into a portal now!_” Now Alec was shouting. Almost panicky. “_If you pass out… I’m coming or I’m sending someone._”

Alec was running. Magnus’s hand on the floor disappeared for his eyes and his elbow caved in under him with the next attempt for a breath.

“Send…” The darkness overtook his world and his head felt lighter. He clung to his own chest and landed, side on the floor as he heard the phone drop and a portal opening.

* * *

“You don’t drag him back before he’s completely conscious!” Alec grabbed Lydia’s shoulder. “Call me over there if he needs help.”

Lydia took his hand from her shoulder and held it shortly in both of hers. “Breathe Alec. I’ll get him here safely.” She stepped through the portal.

Alec took a small step in the same direction, but stopped himself. If Magnus was scared, it would only be worse if Alec stepped through a portal. He had to trust Lydia to figure out if he was hurt and needed help. The portal wouldn’t be open for much longer but Lydia knew that she could call and get a new one opened in a second. Alec stepped back to give room if they would come through the portal. He tore his eyes from the portal looked over the medal bay he was standing in. It was a good choice to open the portal here but the way his hear was pounding he wouldn’t be much help to a possibly injured Magnus. He should have called a medic or a doctor down here. Why was his phone not still in his hand? Desperately he scanned the room and found that he’d dropped it in the foot end of the nearest bed. He hastily walked towards it, but changed direction as he heard the portal closing. Lydia was barely holding Magnus on his feet.

“Magnus!” Alec ran to his side and pulled his free arm over his shoulders. “What happened?”

“Alexander?” Magnus breathed out the word and his head drooped, but the grip around Alec’s shoulders tightened before his legs gave in.

Alec and Lydia pulled Magnus to the bed, but his hold only became stronger around Alec and as Lydia let go to give room for the bed, Magnus wrapped his other hand around Alec too.

“Magnus…” Alec tried, but as Magnus gasped in air in a faster pace, Alec looked to Lydia.

“It’s a panic attack. After what I can see, he’s not hurt.”

Alec hugged Magnus tight and then pushed them from each other so he could look at him properly. He was shaking, had dried salty lines over his cheeks and his eyes wasn’t focusing as well as Alec had hoped.

“Magnus. You’re safe... I’m safe.” Still supporting Magnus to sit by holding his shoulder, Alec cupped one of Magnus’s cheeks in attempt to still him further. “Look at me please.”

Magnus gasped in air but slowly followed Alec’s hand and lifted his face. The yellow cat-eyes were looking straight at him.

“Are you hurt?”

Still panting, Magnus grabbed Alec’s forearm with both hands and shook his head.

“Okay, okay. That’s good. Then we can both relax.” Alec felt his shoulders drop immediately, but Magnus’s didn’t. He held on tight and had his eyes locked firmly on Alec’s.

“Magnus… Love.” Alec sat next to Magnus in the bed and wrapped an arm around him. “Breathe. We’re alright.”

“But… I…” Magnus clung on to Alec’s hand and held it to his own chest.

“Hey. Stop.” Alec held the gasping man tighter. “Is it an emergency?”

Magnus clearly hesitated, maybe he needed time to understand the question. But eventually he shook his head.

“Okay. Then it can wait till you can breathe.” Alec straightened his back and thereby also Magnus’s. “Just like when I’m sick; in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

Magnus gave it a go, but ended up more winded from it and gasped in air fast again. It was heard being the one next to a person not breathing right. It was easier when it was him, gasping for air after emptying his stomach, but Alec kept coaching Magnus through it. Even with the constant feeling that he was nowhere as good as this as Magnus, they got the situation slowly under control. After what seemed like forever, Magnus was leaning heavily on Alec’s shoulder, only drawing in an extra deep breath once in a while.

Alec rubbed a thumb on the back of Magnus’s hand that was still pressed against his chest. He let it go and caressed his cheek.

“You should lie down.”

Magnus sat up and shook his head. “No, Alexander. I’m okay.”

Alec stood up and lifted Magnus’s legs up in bed. That he followed, showed that he was more exhausted than Alec had thought. “That might be right, but if there isn’t anything I need to know this exact moment, you should get some rest first. I’ll stay right here.”

“You don’t have to.” Magnus protested quietly while Alec pushed him down on his back. “I interrupted your work.”

Alec couldn’t help but smile. “When did you start to prioritize work over health? Or is it only _my_ health that qualifies?”

Magnus build a small smile as he took a deep breath to keep calm. “Yes. I think so… you and…” He looked at Alec’s stomach briefly but quickly tore his eyes away. They were both aware that Lydia was awkwardly trying to be as small as possible in the far end of the big room.

“Just rest. I’ll smooth things over with Lydia outside and then I’ll be here.”

Magnus turned to his side and kissed Alec’s hand. He looked almost as embarrassed as he was tired.

Alec smiled at him and gestured for Lydia to walk out with him. She looked incredibly relieved as they walked through the door. Alec didn’t blame her. He wouldn’t want to be caught with a scene like that blocking him from the exit of the room.

He closed the door, but stood in front of the large window into the room, so Magnus could see that he hadn’t left.

“You’re sure he isn’t hurt?” Alec knew they were both sure, but he needed a way in to this conversation.

“I’m sure. You are too. He just freaked out.”

Alec nodded and looked at Magnus, lying so calmly on the bed now. He looked small in the big room, just barely filling out one bed in the line of five. He regretted not giving him a blanket, he must be cold even in his clothes and shoes. Why would he be panicking to that extent?

He turned to Lydia again. “How did you get him with you? He was almost out cold.”

“Almost…” She nodded and looked quickly through the window before turning back to the conversation. “He was hyperventilating and close to passing out.”

Alec waited apprehensively; she still hadn’t answered his question. Then she looked up at Alec with a small smile. “He wasn’t answering to anything. So I sat him up, slapped him over the face and told him that he could see you as soon as he could sit by himself and say your full name.”

Alec took a step back, staring at the small force of nature in front of him. He felt equally bad and grateful that Lydia was the person he’d ran into first.

She must have seen the surprise on his face, because he soon felt a hand on his arm. “I’ve never heard anyone, squeeze out so many syllables in one breath.”

“Thank you.” Alec was truly grateful that she had saved Magnus from fighting the fear of Alec portalling on top of it all. “For getting him here safe.”

“Of course. I would never do anything to risk losing him in there. Besides I’d definitely be skinned by every person in New York and Idris if I would come between the two of you again.”

They shared a small laugh and Alec hugged her before he walked in to sit next to Magnus’s bed.

* * *

“Don’t keep these things in anymore. You need to talk to me, okay?”

Magnus nodded and looked at his hands on his folded legs. He was sitting in the bed and Alec had taken up the space in the foot end. Alec had seen that Magnus had been a tad more distant the last days, but that he had build up this much anxiety without talking to him about it, hurt Alec’s lungs.

“Magnus.” Alec put a hand on his knee and prompted him to look up. “We promised each other a long time ago that we wouldn’t push the other one away. You shouldn’t deal with it alone, not even to protect me.”

“I know, Alexander.” He took Alec’s hand and Alec relaxed as Magnus was warm and steady. “I’m sorry. You were good, I didn’t want to ruin that. I would have talked to you if I knew it could come to this.”

With a smile and a short nod, Alec put his hand on Magnus’s neck and pulled him in for a short kiss.

“I think we should find a doctor.” Alec talked calmly. He straightened his back and looked into Magnus’s surprised eyes.

“You do?”

Alec nodded and took Magnus’s other hand as well. “We’re both thinking too much, we don’t know enough. I thought we could do it like they did back then, but as you said; we have the possibility to do it safer.” He sighed and looked down for a second, before smiling at Magnus again. “Even if it means that I have to have some stranger poke and prod at me.”

The surprised look on Magnus’s face didn’t fade as he scooted a bit closer. “You know it doesn’t have to be a stranger, right?”

“I know.” Alec looked down at his thumb, slowly rubbing the back of Magnus’s hand. “I don’t want Catarina to know yet. I don’t want it to be her.”

Alec trusted Catarina with his life, he was sure everyone did, but this was different; this was too personal, too awkward.

“Alright.” Magnus lifted Alec’s face with two fingertips on his chin and Alec looked into brown smiling eyes. “You have veto on that.”

Magnus was clearly relived that he had agreed, and Alec felt relieved too. It was good not to think about telling people because they needed to see a doctor or to worry that they were holding off to long because they didn’t want to see a doctor. Now everything was decided. Even if it could be difficult to get a private appointment set up.

“Magnus…” Alec leaned in and made sure Magnus looked at him. “I know you haven’t been outside Idris for almost a week. You can’t stop your work because you’re worrying about me.”

The grip on Alec’s hands tightened and Magnus took a deep breath as if he were preventing it from speeding up again. “You’re right, but I can’t help wanting to be near you.”

Alec slid off the bed, turned Magnus’s legs over the edge and hunched down to look up at him. “Hey. I love you and I want to be near you all the time too, but we’ve had this talk before. We need a bit of normality. Besides, today wouldn’t have been any different if you were in Madrid.”

Magnus cupped Alec’s face with both hands and bend down to kiss him. He leaned back with a smile. “Portalling is a beautiful thing.” He graced his thumb over Alec’s cheekbone as if he was wiping away a tear that wasn’t there. “But not for you. I don’t think it’s safe.”

Alec pulled Magnus with him as he stood up and held him close by his waist. “I think it is, but I wont go if it’s not absolutely the last resort.”

Magnus breathed out silently and Alec hugged him and whispered into his ear. “Just don’t freak out unless I’m already there.”

* * *

There was a doctor who the shadowhunters used when they needed to be cleared for the field, but didn’t want the on-site medical personnel to be involved. Sometimes secrets gets out, especially in the institutes and the Alicante were lots of people live close together. The problem was to get an appointment set up in one of the exam rooms by the medical bay when no one else was around.

It had taken Alec and Helen almost a week to get a hold of the busy man, and they were only able to find a date that worked for all of them after two more weeks. Magnus and Alec had decided to come completely clear about how far they had gotten to Helen, Aline and Lydia. They had called them into the office and with sweaty palms, Magnus had stood next to the office chair as Alec explained everything and thanked them for keeping the secret a little longer. Only Aline had seemed a little surprised. Magnus figured that the other two had probably expected it.

It wasn’t horrible waiting for the day to come. Just deciding that they were getting someone else to help, had been the best thing they had done since starting all of this; with the acupuncture coming in as a close second. Magnus had taken up traveling once again, and only ever moved appointments when Anthony came over. Alec had been sick most mornings but with the acupuncture, the pressure points and the peppermint aromatherapy, he’d been able to get it under control and go to work every day.

Alec had been working long hours the last weeks. Magnus suspected that he was making up for what he’d lost being sick. So when Magnus came home around dinner time he didn’t expect to find the music turned on.

“Alexander?” He called out as he hung his jacket but the door.

“Kitchen!”

The sight that met Magnus horrified hit sense of cleanliness and order. Every surface was covered in flour or cocoa powder. The butter was left open and the milk wasn’t put away either. It looked as if Alec had used every bowl they had to measure everything and tried to wipe up the mess with quite a few dishcloths, before he’d decided that he might as well clean after. Which he clearly never got around to. If Magnus didn’t have magic he’d might have started to cry. However, the sight of Alec sitting on the counter with a bowl in his arms and flour on his shirt, hands and hair drew a smile on Magnus’s face.

“Not the brownie thing again?”

Alec put the bowl on the table and hopped down. “The late meeting was cancelled and I had this overpowering urge to make it again.”

He walked over and gave Magnus a welcome-home kiss on the cheek. “You like them. It’s your recipe.”

Magnus did, but last time Alec had made two pans and as he’d waited for the first to cook, he’d almost eaten all the batter left for the other. There was no hiding that Alec had been eating batter now too. Magnus held his neck and looked at his messy hair. He brushed some cocoa powder from above his eyebrow and laughed as he tried to rub off a trace of chocolate from Alec’s chin.

“Tell me you didn’t eat half like last. Just thinking about it will ruin my appetite and I can’t eat the one you cooked.”

Alec looked over his shoulder to the bowl and turned back with a huge grin on his face. “Well, I only made half a portion this time… but…” He bit his lip and took a step back to show Magnus the empty oven. “I had to wait for the oven to heat.”

Magnus’s stomach churned. He had no idea how Alec could like the batter more when it was uncooked or how he could even keep in down with his constant nausea. He shook his head and looked over the mess once again. “Couldn’t you just one of those shake and bake things?”

“It’s your fault.” Alec walked slowly close to Magnus and cradled his face. The kiss let Magnus taste the dark chocolate and sweet powdered sugar on Alec’s breath.

“Is that so?” Magnus whispered, slowly opening his eyes.

“Yeah. You taught me to bake these. If you hadn’t endorsed this chocolate addiction I would have never fallen so deep.”

“I see.” Magnus pushed himself passed Alec and looked into the almost empty bowl. “You surely have hit bottom, now. I’m all for licking the spoon, but this…?” He lifted the bowl and tilted it so Alec could see.

A failed attempt to look embarrassed crossed Alec’s face before he smiled again and put a hand flat on his stomach. “It’s good, though.”

Magnus dropped the bowl in the sink and turned off the oven as he walked around and stood behind Alec. He leaned his chin on Alec’s shoulder and put his hand over Alec’s on his stomach. “We’re seeing the doctor in two days. How will you explain that this bump isn’t a baby?”

Alec spun around and batted Magnus’s hand away. “There’s no bump!”

“Well…” Magnus looked down at Alec’s belly. He knew he was playing with fire, but the sugar or maybe the short work day, had left Alec with excess energy to still be smiling after the comment. He graced his hand down Alec’s chest and stopped it on his belly again. “I’m sure there’s a little more than a few weeks ago.”

Alec shook his head and held Magnus’s hand in place with both of his. “You’re imagining things. I’m not showing yet.”

He was right. Magnus couldn’t see anything; he couldn’t even feel it unless Alec was on his back. The few pounds Magnus was sure Alec had put on, could just be the ones he’d lost doing the weeks were he was throwing up everything.

Magnus stepped closer and sent Alec a teasing smile. “You will be soon.” He looked down at their hands on Alec’s middle. “Maybe you should give the little one something else than chocolate. Maybe teach it how to exercise.”

“You have some nerve.” Alec pushed Magnus back. He shook his head with a smirk covering his face. “You know I’m in the gym with the others as usual. I’ve only stopped training with an opponent.”

“Okay, okay…” Magnus held his hands up surrendering, standing still as Alec walked closer again with the smirk only growing wider.

Alec took Magnus’s hands and held them to his own waist before he took Magnus’s and pushed them tight. He leaned in and whispered into Magnus’s ear. “I know _we_ haven’t been exercising for a while…”

A shaky breath left Magnus’s lungs. Alec hadn’t been in the mood lately and Magnus missed doing more than sleeping in each other’s arms. The hold Alec had on his hips seemed suddenly warmer, just from hinting at something more than cuddling. Magnus didn’t blame Alec and he hadn’t pushed it, and as much as it tore into him, he didn’t want to push it now either. He knew Alec well enough to hear that he was not in the mood now either.

“Alexander…” Magnus looked up into two loving, but not aroused eyes. “You don’t want to. It’s okay.” He stood on his toes and kisses Alec’s mouth. “Just kiss me and let me hold you.”

Alec took Magnus’s neck with both hands and kissed him deeply and passionate. When both of them needed air, Alec stood back. Panting for air, they both looked at each other for a few seconds before Alec suddenly pushed Magnus backwards and into the bedroom.

“Alexa…” Magnus was cut off by Alec showing him to drop on his back on the bed. Before he knew what was going on, Alec was already working on his belt and then shoes.

“Alexander. Stop!” Magnus pushed himself up to sit and looked into Alec’s confused eyes. “I can see it on you. You don’t want to.” Magnus took Alec’s shoulder. “Alexander, don’t force yourself to do this for me. It’s not important.”

With a soft smile Alec simply shook his head and pushed Magnus slowly down again. “You’re right. I don’t want to. But that doesn’t mean that you should go into complete celibacy.” The big palm sliding down Magnus’s stomach had him breathing deeper and slower. “I still want to see you have fun.”

A kiss stopped whatever response Magnus would have come up with. He buried his fingers in Alec’s hair and watched flour rise in a small cloud as he followed Alec’s head down his chest.

His pants were pulled off easily and Alec lifted his legs up so he was right way in the bed. The sight of Alec between his legs, had Magnus forgetting completely about the mess in the kitchen, even as he could still see parts of it on Alec’s shirt. Magnus’s hands automatically grabbed on to the sheet when he saw Alec carefully linking all over two of his fingers. As Magnus closed his eyes and bend his legs, he praised whatever resulted in that meeting being canceled. His already hard cock was surrounded by wet and soft and the warmth from Alec’s calm breathing. He gasped loudly as a finger pushed inside and within two seconds he shook as Alec skillfully found his most pleasurable spot.

* * *

“So do you think that was exercise enough to stay fit?”

“It was for me…” Still gasping for air, Magnus opened his eyes and found Alec’s caring eyes looking down at him.

Alec dropped down next to Magnus and found his hand. He laced their fingers and brushed a strands of Magnus’s damp hair back. Magnus looked at the ceiling as he stilled his breath. He felt Alec looking at him, as if he was waiting, so as soon as he was able to move without the room spinning Magnus turned his head and smiled at his husband.

“What is it, Alexander?”

Alec turned to his side and placed their joined hands on Magnus’s chest. “Are you nervous about what the doctor will say?”

Magnus turned to his side and kissed Alec’s hand with a smile. “About your or my weight?”

A chuckle skipped Alec’s lips before his face fell back to the serious look. “Magnus. I didn’t keep anything down the first weeks. As soon as I did I started working out again and I’ve been working a lot. What if we’ve done everything wrong?”

“Hey.” Magnus moved a bit closer and got stronger eye-contact with Alec. “That’s why we’re seeing him, remember?”

He cupped Alec’s cheek and felt him nod a little. “Besides, I’d say that what you just did and the amount of brownie batter missing from the kitchen would indicate that you’ve got both energy and appetite enough.”

“So you’re not nervous?” Alec asked with a smile on his lip.

“Now that we have a date, soon, let’s just be careful till we hear what he has to say.”

It was weird how Magnus felt so much better, just from the promise that they would know more soon. Alec had seemed to relax with it too, but sometimes they’d both needed the other to pull them back. Alec nodded and stretched his neck to kiss Magnus shortly. They both looked to the ceiling and when Magnus laid his head on Alec’s shoulder he felt Alec’s strong arm around him.

“I only have one place to visit tomorrow, but I could be home late.”

Alec hummed for him to go on. Magnus didn’t want to do this now, but it wouldn’t be smart hiding it from Alec. He would know eventually and then the sky would fall on Magnus, for not telling.

“Izzy called.”

The sudden pause in Alec’s breathing didn’t surprise Magnus. It did however surprise him that Alec didn’t move and answered rather collected. “You’re going to New York? Is it something I should know about?”

Magnus turned to his side to look up at Alec. “They just need a consult on a new, or perhaps very old, kind of demon. I’ll be back here before you see the doctor the next day.”

It was clear to see that Alec was trying to hide a disappointment of not going with him. He bit his lip and drew air through his mouth. Magnus was pretty sure that Alec didn’t miss his family on a day to day basis, but they usually traveled their together, and Magnus knew that Alec wanted to go on more hunts with Jace.

“Alexander. I’ll only be a day. Even if you could portal, you can’t go in the field. You would hate sitting on the side and you would have to explain why.”

Alec nodded and kissed Magnus’s forehead. “Are you going on the hunt?”

It dawned on Magnus that he hadn’t even thought about it. It had been quite a while since he’d had to join on a mission of any kind.

“I don’t know.” He looked at the small smile on Alec’s lips. “Probably not.”

“It’s alright.” Alec rested his head on the pillow and wrapped his arm around Magnus again. “The only reason I’m not out there is because I’m carrying precious cargo.”

He buried his hand deeply in Magnus’s hair and supported his head on his shoulder. “Just come home before the doctor’s appointment. I’m not doing that on my own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked this chapter. Fluff isn't my strong side but I'm trying my best to give these two some small perfect moments. 
> 
> I've been planning the next chapter since I posted the first one, so I'm kinda already writing it. I hope it won't take too long to get ready to post.


	11. The right ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is home alone. It's somehow worse when he knows that Magnus is in New York. He's not prone to be homesick, but he's not used to Magnus being there without him. And what will people think when he isn't there with him? What if Magnus needs him there. What if he needs Magnus? How would they explain that?

It had been a long day, but Alec didn’t mind. He knew Magnus was still in New York and he didn’t want sit at home for too long, thinking about not being there with him. And he definitely didn’t want to bother Magnus with more texts asking what he was doing, when he would be home and if the others had wondered why he wasn’t there. Magnus had already told him that he wasn’t going on the hunt.

He didn’t bother turning on more than the table lamp as he dropped into the couch. He looked at his phone again and shook his head as he realized that he was disappointed that there wasn’t a message. It wasn’t even that late, but he felt the appointment with the doctor the next day moving closer and he would be a lot better if Magnus was already here. With a deep breath he leaned back and relaxed his shoulders. Alec let the phone land next to him and automatically his hand ended up flat on his stomach. He looked down himself. Maybe Magnus was right; maybe he was starting to show. He couldn’t see it when he stood up fully clothed but he could definitely feel a small bump on his belly. A small smile touched his lips as he couldn’t help gracing his thumb gently between two buttons on his shirt.

The first hint of a cramp surprised him more than it scared him. He sat up straight, covering stomach with both hands. For a second he stared into the dark room, waiting. The pain that hit wasn’t a cramp. A sudden white-glowing pain pieced his side and with a loud scream he folded around his arms grabbing his stomach. His chest tightened in fear. This wasn’t happening. The baby had to be okay. Shaking and moaning in pain he couldn’t figure out why he was still sure it was. A new wave of pain hit and he tilted to the side. It wasn’t him. He wasn’t the one scared.

“Jace!” Alec screamed out and moved a hand from his belly to his parabatai rune. Jace was in pain, but worst of all, he was scared. Pain they could handle but fear meant danger and maybe an injury they couldn’t fix.

Gasping for air and curled up in pain, Alec dug his phone out from under himself and with trembling fingers found Jace’s number. As it rang, all Alec wanted as for Magnus to be there to open a portal. If he’d been at work he could have gotten one, but he was alone.

Jace didn’t pick up and Alec pushed himself up with a deafening scream. He steadied himself sitting; he couldn’t pass out. Still with one hand pressing hard on the burning rune he called Magnus, but there was no answer either. The sparse light from the table lamp shoved the faint shadows round the room in a hasty pace, which made everything blur out. Alec tried for Izzy’s number but his unsteady vision and shaking hand had the phone drop to the floor. He tried to get it, but only tilted back to his side before the room disappeared in a fight to draw air into his paralyzed lungs.

Someone would call. They would know to call him… to get him there to help Jace. They would have heard the phones ringing and as soon as they were out of danger they would get him a portal there. But why wasn’t Magnus the first to call…? At least he would answer to say that they were all alive.

As Alec slowly felt Jace’s distress subsiding, he couldn’t shake his own. Jace was still in pain, and even if he wasn’t terrified he still hadn’t let go of all the fear. After a few deep breaths, Alec could push himself up without losing vision again. He lifted his shirt and watched as the rune turned back to it’s usual black. As he put the shirt down he let his hand glide over his belly and relished in the fact that there was no pain there, and that there hadn’t been.

He scouted the floor for his phone and held his shaky breath as he bend down to pick I up. It had been almost fifteen minutes since he’d called Magnus. He needed to get to get a portal. This time at night it would be faster to just walk to the Gard, than to try and get anyone on the phone. He decided to try to call everyone again, but he should get on his way first. Alec hated that it took so long for him to regain his balance when he stood up and that he took even longer to tie his shoes. Still dizzy he picked his phone from his pocket and headed for the door.

The phone rang and Alec shot the door in front of him. He saw Magnus’s number and let out a sigh of relief.

“Magnus! What happened?”

“_Mr. Lightwo… Ehm, Alec?_” A hesitant and somehow familiar voice spoke.

“It’s me. Who is this? What’s going on?!” Alec shouted into the phone, feeling his own fear rising again. Why wasn’t Magnus using his own phone?

“_It’s Lorenzo Ray. Are you home?_” Lorenzo’s voice was louder now, but still shaky.

“Yeah. Tell me what the hell is happening!”

“_They told me to get you a portal here… to the institute._”

Alec’s test tightened again, and he leaned his hand against the wall. The phone went silent and just as Alec thought tears would spill from his eyes, a gust of wind sounded in the living room and a golden light shined through the half closed double door.

“Alec?”

Alec threw the doors aside and stood face to face with a winded and clearly frightened Lorenzo. The warlock walked hastily towards him and then stopped, looking up and down Alec’s body.

“Magnus says you can’t portal. Jace told me you should decide for yourself.”

Alec all but dropped to the floor. They were both alive and talking.

“I’m fine.” Alec passed Lorenzo, but stopped right before walking through the portal. He turned and studied the man behind him. He seemed sad and scared at the same time. “Lorenzo. Who is it? How bad is it?”

As if Lorenzo came back to live, he straightened his back. “Jace is hurt, but he’ll be fine.” He stepped close and put his hand on Alec’s shoulder. “It didn’t seem too bad with Magnus either, but Catarina can’t help him.”

It didn’t make sense. Magnus had magic and so did Catarina and Lorenzo. So why couldn’t they just heal him?

* * *

“Magnus. Listen to me!” Catarina stood over Magnus with both hands on his shoulders, unsuccessfully trying to keep him from sitting up in the bed. “You need to calm down.”

“No! You have to promise!” Magnus held on to her arms, but quickly grabbed Jace’s arm trying to pull himself up. He growled in pain and fell back down.

Alec ran passed Simon and pushed between Clary, who was holding Magnus’s legs and Izzy who was trying to take his hand.

“Magnus!” Alec got hold of one of his hands but Magnus didn’t give up the fight to sit. Magnus’s jacket and shirt had a tear over his right shoulder but it didn’t look like much blood had come from it. Izzy moved and joined Jace on the other side of the bed and Alec took Magnus’s chin with his free hand, making him look at him.

“Hey, I’m here. You need to let them help.”

It didn’t seem possible to add more fear to Magnus’s eyes, but as he focused on Alec the yellow shined through and Alec knew he’d lost control completely.

“You… No, it’s not safe. You shouldn’t portal.”

Everyone else in the room must have thought that Magnus was going insane, but Alec didn’t care. He held on tighter as Magnus tried harder to shake off the four others.

“I’m good. It’s alright. We need to take care of you now.”

“No!” Magnus looked frantically up at Catarina and let go of Alec’s hand to grab her arm again. “Promise! You have to help him. He needs a warlock!”

For a moment Alec looked from one face to the other, as he joined the others in just steadying Magnus on the bed. “What the hell is going on?!” Alec shouted, too desperate to realize that Catarina was right next to him and could her him perfectly.

“The blade was coated with a poison.” Catarina spoke calmly but was clearly shocked by the state Magnus was in. “It’s blocking his magic.”

In the same second, Alec cupped Magnus’s cheeks and steadied his head. He locked contact with Magnus’s wild and frightened eyes. “It’s alright, we’ll figure it out.”

Alec meant it. Both the birth, but even after; they would get his magic back. They had to. Magnus shook his head and pulled Jace down by the collar of his shirt. Jace hissed in pain and Alec’s chest tightened briefly.

“I’m sorry Magnus.” Jace couldn’t get any contact with the man who had just been so desperate to talk to him. “I’m so sorry.”

Magnus kicked his legs and Izzy and Clary leaned over him, and Simon grabbed the end of the bed as the locked wheels slid over the floor. “Jace! Make sure she helps him.” Magnus didn’t wait for an answer before he pulled Alec’s shoulder to get up and was pushed down with a stomach wrenching howl.

“Please, Magnus.” Jace was begging and Alec saw tears building in his eyes. “Breathe and let us help you.”

“Magnus, Darling. You have to calm yourself down.” Catarina held firmly on his shoulder and reached to pull the torn fabric form his shoulder, but Magnus grabbed her wrist.

“No. I can’t help him!” Magnus voice cracked and he slowed his movements, but still had a firm grip on Catarina’s arm and Jace’s shirt. “Please Catarina…”

Catarina looked to Alec with a hounded questions in her eyes.

“Breathe, Magnus. I’m okay. We have time.” It tore into Alec to see Magnus so distraught that his eyes were unglamoured and had to be held down not to hurt himself.

“But his eyes?” Alec looked up from Magnus’s face and found Catarina.

She shook her head as she spoke. “It’s only blocking his magic. He’s still a warlock.”

“Alec… Make her promise…” Tears broke from Magnus’s eyes, but Alec had to understand, and that meant keep talking to Catarina.

“So it’s not permanent?” Air filled Alec’s lungs and for a second it didn’t matter that Magnus was begging Catarina. Magnus would be fine. He was just freaking out.

“Not if he can calm down. We need to get the poison out before it reaches his brain. With this kind of panic, it can’t be long.” Catarina sounded frightened.

Alec hastily grabbed Magnus’s hand from Catarina’s arm and held it tight between them as he hunched down in front of Magnus’s face. “Magnus! Everything is alright. You just need to let Catarina help.”

Magnus shook his head and frantically pulled Alec’s hand close and hissed as his own touched his wound. He kicked himself higher in the bed and pulled Jace down again. Jace took Magnus’s hand in both of his and looked confused from him to Alec. Alec stood up to try and get Magnus to look at him again.

“Catarina!” Magnus was close to screaming. “If I don’t… Promise me! Now!”

“You won’t die…” Catarina tried but Alec took her elbow and made her look at him.

“Just promise.”

Catarina frowned as if Alec had lost his mind right along with Magnus’s. “What am I promi…”

“Cat!” Alec looked at Magnus’s frowned forehead, wet cheeks and yellow eyes that seemed to be fading. “Just promise you will help me if he can’t.”

Alec lowered his voice as Magnus stilled under their hands. “Promise us, please.”

“Alright.” Catarina’s put her hand carefully on the top of Magnus’s head. “Magnus. I promise I will help with whatever Alec needs.”

Alec heard the confusion on her voice, but he only saw Magnus. The panic left his face and he almost made a little smile as he nodded at Catarina.

“Darling. Will you let us help you now?” Catarina’s thumb brushed over the hairline at Magnus’s forehead.

“Okay.” Magnus whispered and when Catarina let go, he somehow held on tighter to Alec’s hand, even though the rest of his body relaxed.

Izzy and Clary stepped slowly back and Simon let go of the foot end of the bed. Alec hunched down to the height of Magnus’s face again. He put a light hand on his cheek and wiped away the tears with his thumb. He kissed Magnus’s shakily tense hand in his and looked him in the eyes. “Magnus?”

“A… Alexander.” Magnus’s whisper was still trembling.

Alec brushed his thumb over Magnus’s cheekbone. “Did you hear it wasn’t permanent?”

With surprise and confusion painted on his face, Magnus shook his head lightly. Alec looked up at Jace who was still holding Magnus’s other hand. He shook his head in agreement that they hadn’t been able to get through to him.

“Love…” Alec moved his hand to Magnus’s chest. “Catarina can fix you. You just have to stay calm.”

Magnus turned his head to the other side as Jace let go of his hand and moved out of the way to give room for the woman.

Izzy put a hand on Jace’s shoulder, gesturing for him to walk out with the rest of them, but he wasn’t moving. “Jace. We should change your bandage.”

Jace shook his head and took Clary’s hand as she walked by. “I’m staying here till Magnus kicks me out.”

After a nod from Jace, Simon took Clary’s hand and moved towards the door and turned Izzy with him as they walked outside.

Alec relaxed a bit knowing that Jace was with them and that his injury wasn’t bad enough that Izzy had insisted. Catarina put on gloves and started cutting the torn jacket off Magnus. Alec turned to the still faded yellow eyes. As she moved the fabric of his shirt, Magnus hissed and flinched into the mattress.

“Alright, Magnus.” Alec rubbed his chest to steady him.

“I’m sorry. We’ll give you something for the pain.”

Magnus’s free hand was fiddling uneasy on the mattress and, wanting to calm Magnus as much as possible, Alec reached over to take that one too.

“Can’t you just heal him?” Alec asked Catarina as he took in the state of Magnus’s injury. The wound was deep, but not that long. With magic it couldn’t take more than ten minutes to close.

Catarina held lightly on Magnus’s bare shoulder. “The poison is blocking all magic from his body. Mine too.” She looked down at Magnus with a small smile that, to Alec, looked more apologetic than comforting. “We’ll draw the poison out and then I can heal you after, slowly.”

Magnus must have picked up on Catarina’s hesitation too, because he squeezed tighter on both of Alec’s hands. Magnus’s eyes were locked on the syringe in her gloved hand and Alec’ felt his heart beat harder and faster under their hands.

“Magnus, look at me.” Alec talked as calm as he could. He needed to stay calm if Magnus should have any chance to. Magnus didn’t react. “Magnus.”

A careful but heavy hand rested on Alec’s shoulder. He looked up and Jace pushed a chair close for Alec to sit on and one for himself. Silently, he leaned in, hiding a hiss from his own pain, and took Magnus’s hand from Alec and held in still on Magnus’s chest. With no hesitation, Alec used his newly freed hand to turn Magnus’s head towards him and away from Catarina, who already held the needle close to Magnus’s wound.

“It’s alright. Just look at me.” Alec smiled caringly at Magnus and breathed a bit easier as he got a small nod in return. “Good. Now, Catarina need to hurry, but you just keep listening to me, okay?”

Magnus’s eyes sprung quickly to Jace and it seemed as if Magnus squeezed his hand as well. He looked back at Alec before he took a deep breath. “Okay.” The word was only slightly louder than a whisper.

“I’ll have to clean it first, if it starts to heal right after the extraction, it would be a mess.” Catarina spoke clear and to the point, but with her usual comforting voice. “I’ll numb the wound first. Just breathe. Remember you need to stay calm.”

Magnus bit his bottom lip, but Alec slid his thumb over it, making him let it go. Alec smiled at Magnus and didn’t look at Catarina as he spoke. “Alright. He’s ready to get this out.”

The next second Magnus froze, and not long after, a small gasp left his lips and his eyes widened. Alec hunched down closer to his head. “Shh. It’ll be over soon.”

With eyes locked on Alec’s, Magnus nodded a little and forced a smile. His hand tightened more with the next one and Alec had to hold his head from turning.

“Lie still, okay? Just look at me.” Alec spoke quietly and controlled, mostly to hide that he wanted to scream and throw something across the room.

“Magnus…” Jace stirred a little next to Alec. “Magnus, you need to breathe, your heart is beating too fast.” He sounded worried but still sorry to interfere.

“Did you hear?” Alec looked closely at Magnus’s eyes as he pressed their joined hands to Magnus’s chest, next to the one holding Jace’s. “Breathe, Love.”

Magnus nodded again. He let out a strained hum from pain and then took a deep controlled breath.

“No more of that.” Catarina sounded almost as relived as Magnus looked and Alec felt. “You’ll get a small break now; you won’t feel it while I clean it.”

As Magnus relaxed his neck and shoulders, Alec graced his hand up over Magnus’s temple and let his fingers bury themselves in the dark hair. A deep breath filled Magnus’s lungs and the yellow cat-eyes disappeared. A jolt of panic shot through Alec.

“Magnus!” Alec talked loud and quickly. “Hey. Did you…? What… your eyes?!”

“What?!” Jace almost screamed.

Magnus smiled and lifted Alec’s hand to his mouth for a quick kiss. “They’re still here. I just thought I would hide them for a while.”

Alec exhaled all the air in his lungs and felt Jace’s hand rub his back. He looked up at Catarina who silently turned back to cleaning the wound.

It seemed as if Magnus felt suddenly embarrassed as he focused on Jace and then on his hand in his. Jace smiled at him and Alec saw Jace tightening the grip. Magnus retaliated the smile, and in the same moment flinched a bit away from his shoulder.

“Does it hurt, Magnus?” Catarina paused.

“No.” Magnus couldn’t turn to look at her, for Alec didn’t let go of his head. “Something cold just ran over my shoulder.” Magnus answered with calm and collected words. If Alec hadn’t loved Magnus for as long as he had, it could almost sound like he was back to his old self, but Alec could hear the tension.

“Just keep your breathing slow.” Jace waited for Magnus to look at him again. “I can’t have you giving up your magic for me again.”

Surprised, Alec looked at Jace. He looked sorry. Sorry for Magnus and guilty. Alec breathed in to speak, but Magnus beat him to it.

“You got hurt.” Magnus frowned and looked over Jace’s shoulder. “How bad is it?”

Jace shook his head. “I’ll heal. The poison doesn’t block the iratze. It only slows it down.” He shifted on the chair and moved his shoulder as if his back was aching.

Alec and Magnus shared a short gaze and Magnus let go of Alec’s hand, letting him stand.

“Alec, I’m fine.” Jace complained and shook his head with a sigh, but didn’t move as Alec lifted the back of Jace’s, clearly a new shirt.

“Shit! Jace…” Alec took a step back holding the fabric up with one hand, to take in the view.

A bandage crossed Jace’s back from the right side of his neck to only inches over his left hip. A light red color had almost drawn a complete line, down the middle of the white fabric, from one end to the other.

“How, deep is this?” Even if he tried, Alec had no change of hiding the shock on his voice.

Jace hissed as he pulled his t-shirt down again. “Not deep.” He looked at Magnus’s wound. “Not as deep as that.”

Alec sat down and inspected Jace’s face closely for deceive. “Your rune…?”

“It’ll take time. Just like Magnus.” Alec nodded towards a bowl of something that looked like tar. “Lorenzo, put that stuff on me to drag the poison out, but the cut was made with the poisoned blade so it will take time to close.”

He smiled at Magnus and covered their joined hands with his free again. “See what you learn if you take the time to listen?”

Magnus frowned and took Alec’s shoulder. “Alexander. I…”

“It’s alright, Magnus. You freaked out it happens.”

Alec smiled and brushed a hand through Magnus’s hair, but Magnus only shook his head. “You shouldn’t have come… the portal…”

“Shh…” Alec pressed his forehead against Magnus’s. “I’m okay. Everything is fine.” He looked Magnus in the eyes for a second before he kissed him slowly and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “We’re good. All three of us.”

When he sat up, he wiped a single tear from the corner of Magnus’s eye and nodded at him. “Okay?”

Magnus smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

“We should do this now.” Catarina sounded as if she’d been waiting for a moment to break in. All three of them looked at the fabric as Catarina smeared an excessive layer of the black sticky substance over it.

“The anesthesia will numb it in the beginning.” Catarina waited and made sure Magnus was following. “After a while the potion will draw that out too.”

Jace moved to the edge of his chair and put two fingers on Magnus’s chin to turn his face back towards them. He nodded for Alec to take over and when he did, Jace took Magnus’s other hand too. Alec looked at Magnus, who was already breathing faster and had his eyes firmly locked on Jace for an explanation.

Jace held Magnus’s hands tight in each of his. “This is going to suck. Just hold on.”

Magnus forced a smile and as he looked up at Alec, it almost seemed like it was Magnus who was comforting him.

They all tensed when Magnus flinched under the probably cold mixture, but Magnus relaxed instantly. However, it didn’t help Alec’s lungs that Catarina was holding his shoulder and upper arm and that Jace’s eyes were locked tight on Magnus’s face. Magnus’s eyes widened, his legs shook slightly and he breathed in deep and fast.

“Magnus?” Alec spoke louder than he’d expected himself.

Magnus turned his head all the way towards Alec and closed his eyes. “It’s fine. Just weird.”

Alec buried his hand in Magnus’s hair and still held the other on his cheek, preventing him from turning back. When Magnus breathed deeply again it was faster and he pressed the side of his face further into the pillow. Alec saw Magnus’s fingers tighten around Jace’s and Jace tensed.

“Hang in there Darling.” It seemed to Alec, as if Catarina was talking to both Magnus and him.

A gasp crossed Magnus’s lips and he stared straight at Alec. Alec leaned in, making sure he was all Magnus could see. “Breathe. It only means that it’s working.”

Magnus nodded and managed to hastily heave in a big gulp of air, before he locked his jaw and arched his neck with a low growl. With shaking hands Alec kept holding Magnus’s scalp and chin as he looked to Catarina for help. She was concentrated on the fabric over the wound and seemed oddly satisfied with the whole process. The shaking in Magnus’s legs intensified and soon his hands did the same, even in Jace’s tight grips. His breathing got rapidly faster, his eyes wavered from Alec’s and soon he was fighting Alec’s hold to move away from his own shoulder.

“Look at me.” Alec underlined his demand by getting close enough that their noses was almost touching. “Magnus. Concentrate on me, okay?”

With his eyes secured on Alec again, Magnus nodded.

“Good. It’s working. I know it’s hell, but you’re getting better.” Alec struggled to keep smiling while Magnus’s face were distorted in pain, but he had to. “Breathe. You can handle it.”

With a loud cry, Magnus arched his back and his whole body shook. Alec stood up to keep both hands on his head and cheek.

“Why is it taking so long?!” Jace yelled over Magnus’s growling.

“The poison has spread more through his body than yours.” Catarina held Magnus’s shoulder tightly to keep him on the mattress. “Soon.”

Alec and Jace shared a quick look of disgust for the whole situation, before they both looked at the shaking man in their hands.

“Ale…” Magnus gasped. “A…”

“I’m here.” Alec sat down and cupped both of Magnus’s cheeks. He pressed his forehead against Magnus’s and looked at his eyes squeezed shut. “I’m right here. Just keep laying still.”

It felt like forever before Magnus finally breathed a full breath and relaxed his neck a little. Alec’s thumbs had been drawing circles on his temples for minutes and he kept going when Magnus opened his eyes and looked straight into Alec’s.

“Hi.” Alec whispered, with his forehead still against Magnus’s.

A small smile decorated Magnus’s eyes and he stretched his neck to kiss Alec’s lips. Even being short and revealing that Magnus was still breathing shakily, the kiss made Alec relax his grip on Magnus and he sat up straight. Jace and Magnus was still firmly locked in two grips on each other’s hands and a tear was rolling over Jace’s cheek.

Alec put a light hand on Jace’s shoulder. “Jace…?”

With his eyes still on Magnus he shook his head and rubbed a thumb over Magnus’s wrist, though it seemed as it was more a reflex to comfort himself.

“I’m sorry. Magnus, I should… I shouldn’t…”

“Jace.” Magnus broke him off and took a deep breath, still calming himself. “_I_ chose to come get you. You’re still alive and I still have my magic.” He smiled and let his cat-eyes show through for a moment.

Jace nodded as he build a relived smile. Alec was definitely going to get that story later, but Catarina put a hand on Magnus’s chest.

“Let me take this off.” She waited for Magnus to look at her and nod before she lifted the fabric.

Magnus hissed and automatically, Alec moved his fingers in circles in his hair. Catarina seemed pleased with how the black substance had turned bright orange in the shape of the wound. She put it away and turned her attention to the wound. All three men studied her face closely as she nodded to herself and build a smile.

“It looks as if the poison hasn’t done any damage to your skin. Let’s see if it will heal.”

She held her hand a few inches over the open wound and rubbed three fingertips against each other. A light blue glow appeared and her fingers slowly moved it over Magnus’s skin.

Magnus faced the ceiling and with a long sigh he closed his eyes. Jace pushed Alec a little and showed him how Magnus’s hands were relaxing in his. With a grateful smile, Alec took one of the hands from Jace and Magnus granted him a small squeeze before he relaxed again.

The wound wasn’t smaller when Catarina stopped and she must have seen the confusion on Alec’s face.

“It _is_ working. Magnus will tell you the same. It will just take longer.”

Magnus smiled up at him. “Relax, Alexander. I know how it feels when healing works, even if it’s slow.”

He nodded for Catarina to put on the bandage and didn’t react as it touched the still open wound. She taped it on and graced his cheek with the back of her hand. “If it’s not working faster when we try again in half an hour, I will have to stitch it.”

Alec’s stomach rolled and he felt the nausea from every morning in the last week sneak up on him, but Magnus only looked tired.

“Now, Magnus…” Catarina took a step back as if to get a better look at him without looking directly down. “What was that about?”

Everything in Alec froze, his hand in Magnus’s, his breathing, his minds. Everything but the nausea rising. In a minute they would have to explain while cleaning the floor. Magnus let go of Jace and put his hand on top of the hold he had on Alec. His deep brown eyes were looking up at him and Alec still had no idea how to proceed.

Catarina gave them a moment as she looked from Alec to Magnus and Alec felt Jace do the same, before he talked more firm.

“Alec.” She held her breath as she quickly sent Jace a tense look. “What is going on with you?”

Alec swallowed and shook his head. He needed time. He knew that they had to explain everything eventually, but not now, not with Magnus like this and not without having talked about how or what to say. They needed time. But they weren’t getting any.

“Alec?” Jace turned to look at his brother, clearly feeling his nerves. “Why do you need a warlock?” He looked at Catarina and when the only thing happening was Magnus’s and Alec’s grip on each other tightening, Jace turned back towards them. “Why isn’t it safe for you to portal? Alec…?”

Alec swallowed and Magnus clearly recognized the sign as he pulled his arm and tore him from planning a way to the bathroom. “Alexander…” He looked caringly up at him and smiled. “We have to.”

Knowing he was right, Alec took a deep breath and nodded before looking up at the two huge question marks standing next to them.

“Okay.” Alec squeezed put a whisper, but cleared his throat and spoke calmly after. “I’m not sick.” He made sure to look Catarina in the eyes. “And we’ll explain everything, we need to talk to Jace first.”

* * *

After the door closed, Jace blankly refused to sit. His knees were shaking but he was sure he wouldn’t be able to breathe if he sat down. Alec had said that he wasn’t sick, but even if they weren’t parabatai or even if he was a stranger, Jace could basically smell the worry on him. Alec didn’t sit either. He was holding on to Magnus’s hand and only spoke after Magnus had nodded at him to go on.

“We made it happen… Jace. We’re having a baby.” Alec looked straight at Jace and the hesitation and low voice couldn’t hide the smile on his face.

It wasn’t a surprise that they were trying to figure it out. It wasn’t even a surprise that they were close. Alec had been every possible emotion over the last months. But hearing it confirmed, strengthened the feeling that Alec was happy and Jace’s heart slowed down to almost normal and a smile build on him too.

“Alec… Magnus. That’s amazing!” His legs felt more steady as he walked closer to stand at the foot end of the bed. “How…? Did you get hold of a surrogate or… when?”

Alec bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at Magnus, who was smiling encouragingly, but Alec only breathed in heavily and Jace noticed his grip on Magnus’s hand tighten.

“Alec?” Jace leaned in a bit to try and catch his eyes but Alec only shook his head in almost unnoticeable moves. Jace walked to his brother’s side but as he still didn’t move Jace felt his heart pick up pace again. He looked to Magnus for answers. “Magnus? What happened? Did you make some kind of deal…? Is Alec safe? How desperate were you?”

Magnus took Alec’s hand with his other and carefully rubbed his newly freed hand on Alec’s upper arm. “Alexander, _you_ should tell him.”

If they had bought a service or made a deal with some power hungry shadowhunter or Downworlder, it could explain why Alec wasn’t supposed to portal. Maybe he wasn’t allowed to leave Idris, but that didn’t explain why Alec needed a warlock to help him.

“Alec. Please, I’m dying here.”

“Okay.” Alec nodded at Magnus and then turned to Jace and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m okay, but we did a thing. Just… just don’t freak out, okay?”

Alec seemed sincere, when he said that he was okay. Jace nodded and ignored the pain in his back from Alec’s hand weighing his shoulder down. Izzy had been right; it was time to change that bandage, but this couldn’t wait.

“We’re going to have a baby… ourselves.” Alec paused and waited for Jace to react, but Jace didn’t understand what that meant. A surrogate, right? One of them were the father. “Jace.” Alec made sure that Jace were seeing his eyes. “I’m pregnant. Not someone else. _Me._”

It wasn’t only Magnus who had lost his mind. Jace looked from one guy, silently awaiting his reaction, to the other. “You… Both of you…?” Jace exhaled and felt a frown forming from confusion. “You think you’re pregnant?”

Alec’s hand slowly landed flat on his lower stomach and he shook his head, smiling overbearingly. “I know it’s a lot to take in. We didn’t believe it was possible either, but…”

“No.” Jace stepped back, ready to get Catarina back in here. “You want this too much. You’re not thinking straight.”

“Sit down, Jace.” Magnus was smiling too, and spoke calm and collected as he gestured for the chair next to the bed.

It was weird. Jace had just accused both of them for being insane and they weren’t defending themselves, not even each other. In pure amazement that Magnus hadn’t blown a fuse screaming at him for basically calling Alec delusional, Jace slowly walked to the other side and sat down. He might as well listen to as much of it as he could before they were going to freak out because he didn’t believe them.

“I’m sorry.” Alec sat down to and leaned in to fold his hands on Magnus’s thighs and Magnus quickly covered them with one of his. “It would have been easier to have looped you in from the start, but we wanted to be sure, and to be honest you would probably had stopped us somehow.”

Jace shook his head. “Be sure of what exactly?”

“That it was a real thing. The story, the magic. That we could do it, and that we wanted to.” Alec breathed in deeply and let the air out slowly. “And then that it had worked.”

It wasn’t possible. He knew there were things out there that he didn’t know about, especially with magic, but how would this even work? Jace studied both of them. Magnus looked just as convinced that Jace knew Alec felt. Alec was still happy and not doubting himself for a moment. Maybe he had truly gone crazy. Jace shook his head mostly to himself and leaned back, instantly regretting it and sat up straight with a loud hiss. Magnus grabbed his arm and Alec shot forward to the edge of his chair. “Jace?” Alec gasped out the not finished question.

“I’m good.” He took a deep breath and relaxed as much at he’d been able to, since getting injured. He shook his head and looked to Magnus. “Just tell me everything before I walk out of here and send for the silent brothers.

“Do you remember the injury Alec had around three and a half months ago? You called and I answered?” Jace nodded and Alec’s one hand again found his belly, as if he was protecting it. While Magnus talked, Jace felt more and more nauseous. Alec didn’t move and he didn’t take his eyes of Jace. It was a crazy story; something he couldn’t imagine two people agreeing on believing as strong as Alec and Magnus did. Worst of it all; it kinda made sense. He didn’t understand the details completely, but he got the drift of it and once in a while question himself if he was believing it too because it was real or because he was slowly being drawn into the insanity. When Magnus had told about the pregnancy tests and all the signs, he explained that they had an appointment with a doctor the next day that they had to get back to soon. It was already three in the morning. Alec found himself believing him… both of them.

“Jace…?” Alec tried carefully.

Jace hummed and looked up. He was met with curious and awaiting brown eyes.

“Do you…?” It wasn’t sure if Alec didn’t know what to ask or if he just didn’t want to.

“I do.” Jace straightened his back and reached to cover Magnus’s and Alec’s hands with one of his. “I mush be going crazy too, but I believe you.”

In the middle of a building smile, Alec pulled away and turned to the side, head between his knees. Before the first gag, Magnus was out of bed. As vomit hit the floor Jace rushed to Alec’s side to. The two wounded men each held a shoulder as Alec let go of the dinner from earlier that night.

“Alexander…? Are you done?” Magnus sounded extremely calm for the scene just unfolding in front of them.

Slightly coughing, Alec nodded and heaving for air he put his hand on Magnus’s.

“Jace.” Magnus demanded his attention and nodded for the towels on the shelfs on the other side of the room. After wiping his mouth, Alec sat up and winded, he accepted a glass of water from Jace too.

“So…” Jace steadied Alec while Magnus sat down on the bed again. “The pregnancy symptoms you talked about…”

“Yeah.” Alec folded the towel and used a clean side to wipe a thin layer of sweat from his forehead.

Jace leaned his hands on the metal frame of the foot end of the bed and sighed. “Shit, Alec.” He shook his head slowly and sighed again as he looked at his still slightly panting brother. “How are we going to explain this to Izzy…? To mom?”

Magnus slowly took Alec’s arm but looked straight at Jace with surprised eyes. “_We_?”

Jace hadn’t thought about it as he said it, but he was in this now and he was going to help however he could. From what he knew about the process so far, the rest couldn’t be easy either and with Alec being so excited and hopeful Jace knew that it was the only thing to do.

“I’m in this with you. I’m sure you need some kind of support for those conversations.”

Alec bit his lip as water raised in his eyes. Magnus nodded with a smile and turned Alec’s face towards him with a fingertip on his chin. “See? We’ll be fine.”

With a small nod, Alec looked up and sniffled while he quickly wiped his wet eyes. “What about Catarina?”

Magnus chuckled and pulled Alec’s arm making room for him to sit next to him. “I think I have a plan.”

He waved his hand hastily and turned it in the air, making a yellow wave that dissolved the mess on the floor. Jace exhaled all the air in his lungs and saw Alec slump together too. Magnus’s magic was back which meant that his wound would heal faster and he probably didn’t need anything but Catarina’s magic.

“Jace.” Magnus was talking calmly. His serious look accompanied by a smile. “Go and get your wound taken care of, and _only_ after that; send everyone in.”

“Everyone?” Alec and Jace asked in unison.

“Izzy, Clary, Simon and Catarina.”

Jace looked for confirmation with Alec, and after a second of eye contact between the husbands, Alec nodded at Jace to do as told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, I'm back at angst-hurt/comfort. Hope you like it.
> 
> A few chapters back this turned in to my longest fic so far. I knew that it was going to be one of the longer ones but I didn't expect that I would fall in love with it like this.  
That is not the amazing thing though. You are! I have works that have more chapters than this and has been posted two years ago and still this one have way more comments. <3 <3  
The reason why I keep posting this so fast (it's way faster than I normally post) is because I know you guys like it and are waiting for it.  
Thanks for all the love and I hope I won't disappoint you.


	12. Side effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the group gets the news and they all handle it very differently. Some as expected and others completely out of character.  
Alec has a long overdue visit with the doctor.

“You did this?!” Catarina yelled before she was even in the door. “Magnus! Tell me it’s a joke!”

Magnus had sent Lorenzo to get the book for her, and in the meantime Alec, Magnus and Jace had talked to the other three, Catarina had been in the next room reading.

Izzy’s tear-stained eyes looked up from Alec’s shoulder, and with her joyful smile gone, she turned in the hug she’d been in for minutes. Jace grabbed Clary’s arm, instinctively pushing himself between her and the furious warlock.

“You can’t have read all of it.” Magnus accepted Simon’s hand as he stood from the bed.

Alec had never seen Catarina like this; her hand was shaking on the book.

“I read the chapter headlines, that would be enough for everyone to know that this is a bad idea!”

Simon caught the book inches before it hit Magnus’s chest. Alec’s heart skipped a beat. Catarina was breathing fast through flaring nostrils and her blue skin was emerging in her hairline.

“Sweet Catarina…” Magnus tried, stepping slowly forward.

“No!” She held a hand up to stop him. “Magnus, how could you?!”

She looked at Alec, who suddenly felt his legs go numb and was grateful for Izzy’s arm around his waist. She took a deep breath and when her skin turned dark brown again Catarina walked slowly to him. Magnus stepped forward to act as a shield, but Alec put a hand on his chest to stop him and Simon held him back with a grip on his arm.

“My Dear… What have you done?”

Dumbfounded, Alec let her take his hand and hold it in both of hers. She shook her head slowly and looked up at him. “The pain you must have felt.”

Izzy’s arm tightened around him. “Alec?”

Alec just tightened his hold too, pressing her closer to his side.

“It was _my _choice.” Alec looked her in the eyes trying to form a soft smile that he hoped would calm her down a little.

“No.” Magnus breathed deeply as the wound clearly ached when he shook Simon’s hand of his arm. “_We_ made it. _Together._” He walked up to Alec and took his hand from Catarina.

She shook her head. Alec didn’t remember ever having seen tears in her eyes before. She sighed and looked at the others. “Can we get a minute?”

Alec tightened his grip around Izzy and smiled down at her as he nodded that she should go. She didn’t move as he loosened his grip. “You didn’t tell us about pain.”

He rested a heavy hand on her shoulder. “I knew what I was getting myself into.” He felt Magnus’s hand tightening on his. It wasn’t completely true. Alec hadn’t remembered most of what he’d read when they started. With his eyes and smile still towards Izzy, he rubbed his thumb over the back of Magnus’s hand. “It was worth it… it will be.”

Izzy breathed in deeply as she gave him a little smile. Clary and Simon followed when she walked out of the door.

Jace stayed put. “Where do you want me?”

With a quick gaze at Magnus, Alec knew that it was up to him to choose. He looked at the half open door and wondered how worried Izzy must be. Clary had seemed happy but confused by the whole thing and Simon had somehow become the calm voice who had just taking it all in. Maybe he was just chocked, but the surprisingly clear and to the point questions he’d asked when the girls paused had made everything so much easier. He could be freaking out on the other side of that wall too, now that he didn’t have to make everything fine. As much as Alec wanted Jace to stay with them, he had a feeling that this should be a conversation between only the three of them.

“Can you make sure they are alright?”

Jace nodded in agreement. “I’m sure they are, but I’ll smooth things over.”

It was hard to conceal the chuckle, and Alec wasn’t sure he’d succeeded. That Jace was the one to moth things over for him was a rare thing.

After a quick look at Catarina and a firmer grip on Magnus, Alec managed to speak before Jace was completely out the door. “Don’t tell them in detail. Not about the… procedure or the pain.”

Jace nodded and closed the door after him.

* * *

Catarina had demanded that Magnus explained every step for her and promised, more like threatened, that she would read the entire book after, so he better not leave anything out. Every so often she looked to Alec for clarification, mostly on how it felt or if he’d had any symptoms or side effects that Magnus didn’t know about. Alec couldn’t think of anything like that, so he didn’t say much through it all.

While talking about the birth, Magnus had pulled Alec down to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. Alec was sweating in his palms and Magnus had clearly noticed him fiddling and stepping nervously back as Catarina stared at him for what seemed like minutes. He still couldn’t imagine how that day would be.

When Magnus stopped talking Catarina breathed in deeply as if she needed time to decide what to say. She loosened her arms that had been folded over her torso and rolled over a chair to finally sit.

She gazed from one to the other and ended on Magnus. “I can’t believe you would be so reckless. You know better than this.” She sounded as disappointed as she looked confused.

“Catarina.” Magnus spoke low and softly. “You know I would never do anything I didn’t believe was safe.” He wrapped an arm around Alec’s shoulders and looked at him while still talking to her. “I would never risk his life.”

Catarina rolled over and took Alec’s hand and ignored the flinch Magnus made as she place a careful hand on his upper arm on the hurt side. “Why didn’t you ask for help? I could have managed the pain.”

Alec squeezed her hand and made a small overbearingly smile. “Would you have reacted differently than today?”

She looked down at their joined hands and Alec was sure he could detect a smile in her voice. “Probably not. But Alec…” She looked up and sent Magnus a quick look before turning back to Alec. “You have to let me help you now. You’re not well.”

Alec felt better than in a long time. Since before they took the tests over two months ago. “I’m better.” Confused he sought support in Magnus’s eyes. “I’m good now.”

“Honey. You’re dehydrated and to still be nauseous and throw up after this long is not normal.”

Magnus’s arm tightened around his upper back and Alec felt his fingertips boring into his shoulder.

“We’re seeing a doctor in the Gard later today.” Alec explained, trying to make this better.

Catarina moved back a little and only had her hand on Magnus’s knee. “No, you’re not. Magnus you can’t portal yet.”

If they weren’t able to keep the appointment, who knew when they could have another planed? It had been a pain to get this one scheduled.

“Magnus?” Alec wasn’t sure what he was asking, but he badly needed Magnus to answer.

Calmly, Magnus turned a little and held his breath as he moved his shoulder to take Alec’s hand with both of his. “You go.”

“No.” Alec was aware that he sounded as he was exactly between panicked and heartbroken. “You have to be there. We’ll find another day.”

Magnus shook his head and leaned in to look Alec in the eyes. “You know that could take weeks.”

“Alec, Dear.” Catarina spoke quietly as if not to upset him further. “Why don’t you let me help you?”

Every time they had talked about calling Catarina they had decided against it because they wasn’t ready to tell everybody yet. Now that everything was out in the open, Alec still wasn’t sure. It would be awkward, but would it be better to have a doctor who they both knew and trusted.

“But…” Alec at least needed all the facts before he would begin to consider it. “You’re not…” He looked apologetic at her. “You’re a nurse.”

Magnus placed one of his hands on Alec’s neck, prompting him to look at him. “Alexander. Catarina has been nurse for the mundanes in 200 years and has learned all that time. In the shadowworld she’s considered a healer and a doctor. You know that.”

Alec bit his lip and nodded as he looked down at their hands and legs. “I’m not sure…” He spoke with a whisper and swallowed to force himself to speak louder. “I don’t.”

“Alec.” Catarina sounded even closer now. “You don’t have to decide now. It’s the middle of the night. You have to see a doctor and preferable within the next days, but I have a friend who can see you if you prefer. He’s a mundane but he knows all about the shadowworld.”

* * *

Catarina had made sure that Alec knew that he was in for a full health check-up as well as everything that comes with a prenatal exam. After she had made just barely enough process in Magnus’s healing to let him escape the stitches, Magnus had backed her in that he shouldn’t be traveling. He had left the decision about which doctor completely up to Alec and he only had till that afternoon. At five in the morning, they were still not sleeping. Magnus kept changing position in the bed to get comfortable. It seemed like it stretched the wound or bandage even when he was on his back. Alec had denied a bed completely; he wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.

When Magnus turned to his back again, now with sighs that was more from annoyance than pain, Alec grabbed a pillow from another bed and walked to his other side. “Here, try this.”

He carefully lifted Magnus’s shoulder a little and his stomach churned when Magnus locked his jaw and held his breath. With the edge of the pillow under the shoulder, Alec let Magnus slowly back down and watched him relax almost completely. Why hadn’t he thought to elevate the shoulder to not stretch the skin on the front before?

“Thanks.” Magnus exhaled.

Alec sat down again and let himself relax a little too. “Do you think you can sleep now?”

Magnus lifted his good arm and brushed the back his fingers over Alec’s cheek. “Can you?”

With a soft smile, Alec took Magnus’s hand and kissed it before he place their intertwined fingers on the mattress. He shook his head. “I don’t know what to do with all of this.”

“Sure you do.” Magnus smiled as he took a deep breath, clearly savoring that the pain had lessened. “You just need to stop overthinking everything.”

A soundless chuckle escaped Alec’s lips. “You know that’s easier said than done.” He covered their joined hands with his other palm. “Just tell me what the hell happened out there. You said you weren’t going into the field.”

“I wasn’t. Izzy, Simon, Clary and Jace were. Lorenzo and I were here guiding them from the monitors.”

Lorenzo had become a valued ally of the New York institute and had spent more and more time there helping with missions and research. After Izzy had become head of the institute she had made all hunters wear earpieces, something Alec couldn’t believe no one had thought about before.

“Izzy had detected a poison from the bodies but neither her, Lorenzo or I could detect what it did; it wasn’t what had killed them. Simon’s mic died and Izzy told us that the three of them were cut off from Jace. Seconds later, Jace screamed and when he didn’t answer us, I portaled in to get him.”

Magnus must have felt Alec’s hands tightening before Alec noticed he was doing it. “Alec. You know I needed to, right?”

Silently, Alec confirmed it with a small nod. It didn’t mean he was happy about Magnus going in a fight, least of all without him.

“Jace was on the ground and the demon was flying in again.” Magnus continued. “Izzy got it captured from behind and stopped it before it got close enough to make this cut a lot deeper. I killed it and we pulled Jace back here.”

Magnus looked suddenly embarrassed. “His rune wasn’t healing him as fast as it should so I tried. My magic wasn’t working at all.”

“And then you panicked…” Alec leaned in and kissed Magnus’s forehead. “…not because you didn’t have magic or you thought you could die from the poison, but because I might not have a warlock to help me.”

A small swallow, that almost hid his chin from tremoring, was all Alec got as an answer. It was not fair. Magnus should be able to be scared for himself. Hell, he lost his magic again. Alec’s eyes watered as he cradled Magnus’s cheeks and kissed him long and deeply.

“I’m sorry, Magnus.” He sat back and took Magnus’s hand with both of his again. “You shouldn’t have to think of me when you’re the one hurt.”

“Hey.” Magnus had gotten rid of the lump he obviously had in his throat seconds ago. “I will always worry about you. I will always worry about our child.”

“I know.” Alec whispered not to provoke the tears that was surely on his voice. “I’ll worry about both of you too. But let’s make it safer.”

Judging from Magnus’s confused look, he didn’t follow.

“If you can’t be there. If something goes wrong…” Alec lifted Magnus’s hand and kissed it slowly. “Let’s get a warlock doctor to help us.”

Magnus’s eyes widened. “You sure?”

A smile spread on Alec’s face and he made an almost unnoticeable nod. “I want Catarina to make sure everything is alright.” He shortly bit the inside of his lip, but when Magnus just waited he continued. “Well, she said there will be some… intimate parts to the exam. I’ll ask her if the other doctor can do that.”

“Okay.” Magnus pulled Alec’s arm and Alec leaned in to one more kiss. “Can you sleep now, you think?”

He wasn’t sure but he nodded and pushed the nearest bed up against Magnus’s. He climbed under the cowers and reached over to take Magnus’s hand. “Can you?”

“I can at least get a few hours before Catarina comes back to heal me again.”

Magnus was already breathing slower, but his thumb kept gracing over Alec’s hand until Alec drifted off.

* * *

Magnus had held Alec’s hand as he they walked into the exam room behind the medical ward. Alec was walking slow and Magnus wondered how much was dizziness and how much was nerves.

Last night’s dinner had ended on the floor, he hadn’t slept much, and after eating only half a pancake this morning he’d ran to the bathroom, with Jace and Magnus close behind.

Catarina walked in after them, but the book lying open on one of the counter-tops didn’t escape Magnus’s attention.

“So, I noticed you didn’t keep breakfast down.” She rolled over on a chair and gestured for Alec and Magnus to sit on the other two.

Alec shook his head. “It’s been difficult with breakfast, but most days in the last weeks, I’ve been able to hold down the nausea the rest of the day.”

“You should have seen a doctor as soon as you found out.” She spoke fast and stern and folded her hands in her lap. “You’re a couple of morons, you know that right?”

Something tightened in Magnus’s chest and he suddenly doubted that Alec had made the right choice of doing this with Catarina, but when Alec didn’t react, Magnus took his hand and took it upon him to answer.

“We know. They didn’t have all of this when they first did it and we wanted to be safe but…”

“But you wanted to keep it a secret?” Catarina finished Magnus’s sentence with confidence.

They both nodded as they waited for her to continue. She did with more relaxed words. “How much have you been sleeping?”

Alec looked at Magnus before turning to her. “Four, maybe six hours a night.”

Magnus knew Alec had had trouble falling asleep, but four hours was less than he’d thought and, even before he saw the energy leaving Catarina’s face, he knew it wasn’t enough.

“Have you considered if that’s part of the reason for your nausea?”

Alec shook his head silently and tightened his fingers a little around Magnus’s. Alec was always better after he’d slept longer, which happened mostly after Anthony had been by. So it made sense, they just hadn’t thought about it in the long run.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Catarina leaned her head a bit forward to look better at Alec.

Magnus looked at Alec who had his eyes on their joined hands. He was biting his lip as if he didn’t know what to say, or didn’t want to say it. As far as Magnus knew, there was no reason for him to not sleep; no pain or discomfort. His headache wasn’t normally bad at night. Alec wouldn’t keep something from him. They were passed that.

She moved closer, put her elbow on her knees and looked up at Alec. “You’re anxious? Lying awake thinking?”

Magnus had to get Alec’s attention, so he squeezed his hand harder. But it felt wrong to talk so he settled with a supportive smile when he looked up. Alec smiled back and nodded slightly before he turned to Catarina.

“I’m not really, I just can’t figure out how to empty my head.”

Catarina nodded in agreement and both set of eyes followed her as she sat up. “You know, most people’s anxiety reduces significantly when they hear the baby’s heartbeat. If you had come sooner that would probably have happened weeks ago.”

Magnus was sure he was looking at her, but his eyes weren’t focusing and he only heard Alec’s breath being slightly faster than five seconds ago. Heartbeat. How hadn’t he even thought about that they would do that at some point?

“From what you told me I gather that you’re 11 to 12 weeks along.” She stood up and folded her arms in front of her. “You two hard-heads should have been taking tests from day one, and even if you didn’t want to bring anyone in before you were pregnant, you should have seen a doctor the day you got a positive.”

Magnus bit his lip and felt small sitting in front of her. She had always been outspoken and confident, but she’d never made Magnus feel like this and he didn’t know what to do with it. From the small twitch in Alec’s hand, Magnus was sure he felt about the same.

She let them sit in silence for a few seconds while she picked up some papers and returned to sit in front of them. She rolled her chair close and put her hand on Alec’s knee. Magnus’s first instinct was to push himself between them, but Catarina was acting slow and the hand rested light on Alec.

“Okay. That aside. Let’s make sure you’re alright.”

Magnus felt instantaneously at ease with her soft smile and kind eyes looking at Alec. Back to her caring and kind self, Catarina sat back and rested the clip-board on her crossed legs.

The interrogation that followed left Magnus dizzy just thinking about how many things they hadn’t considered. Alec answered everything calmly; about his diet, exercise, medicine and more. Catarina seemed satisfied, maybe not with every answer, but definitely with how corroborative Alec was. Magnus also felt more at ease because Alec answered every question with a steady voice.

The balance between work and down-time had been difficult to explain without recalling every single day in the past month, they had all been different.

“Alec?” Catarina paused and waited for Alec to look at her. “It seems as if you’re forcing yourself to go to work on days where you should have stayed home. Do you agree?”

Magnus had known that all the way through the process, but Alec had been adamant on making life as normal as possible.

“I guess.” The steady voice was starting to waver and Magnus quickly put a hand on Alec’s shoulder, as if to remind him that they were both in this, even though he was certain that Alec wouldn’t doubt that for a second.

“You’re not sleeping, you’re nauseous to the point where you can’t keep food down most days, and as I hear it, you’re working more than before. Why is that?”

Magnus felt Alec’s eyes on him and when he turned to look as him, he met insecure eyes and a chin fighting not to quiver.

“Alexander…” Magnus smiled and cupped a cheek with a calm hand. “I’ve noticed the work too. Is it to convince yourself that you can?”

Alec looked down and shook his head.

“Then what…? Hey.” Magnus pushed Alec’s face up slowly, to meet his smile. “Just tell us.”

With a long and deep breath, Alec forced a smile and turned to look at Catarina again. “I need to get things done.” He looked paused and swallowed before he continued. “I wasn’t ready to tell, and I wanted to get as much out of the way before they all can see.”

Catarina smiled overbearingly. Magnus didn’t. He had tried to picture how Alec would look being pregnant, but it wasn’t easy and he’d just pushed it away as one of the things they would just see when they got there. But he wasn’t the one who was going to walk around and go to work while everyone could see that he was carrying a growing baby.

“Alexander…” Magnus took his hand with both if his and when Alec just looked at their hands, he did too, but he had no idea what to say. Chances were high that Alec would punch him off the chair if he said, sorry one more time for a thing that wasn’t his fault.

“I understand.” Catarina spoke softly. “I don’t know how it feels to be in this situation, but I understand that you’re apprehensive about telling everyone, but you need to dial back on the work. At least back to normal.”

Alec nodded but didn’t look up.

“As for the vitamins.” She got eye-contact with Magnus and suddenly he felt unsure if he should apologize or if she was going to hug him in a second. “The thought is right, but from the diet you describe he’s getting what he needs, as long as he keeps the food down.”

At some point during that sentence Magnus felt weirdly relieved that he hadn’t caused any damage, by being ignorant. He hated being ignorant. He should have known more, at least something from his own field as a warlock, but he hadn’t dealt with many pregnancies and mostly it was only his tea they wanted. The tea that had done next to nothing to help Alec.

“You were nauseous before you got pregnant, right?” Catarina wasn’t really asking. Magnus had told her that last night when he explained everything.

“Yeah. But I didn’t throw up.” Alec answered with confidence again and Magnus relished in the sound of his husband being his old self. The roller-coaster of emotions and insecurities was going to pull all if the air from his lungs if it lasted much longer.

“Okay, but they might still contribute to the nausea. Even more if they make you constipated.”

Alec looked surprised as he shook his head.

With a satisfied nod, Catarina got up and pulled a small pill bottle out of her medical bag she’d brought over this morning. “This is for cell growth and if everything else checks out alright, it’s all you need.”

She handed the bottle to Alec. The label read, Folic Acid.

“Will they make me nauseous too?” Alec looked to Catarina who was putting things on a small table next to an exam table on the other side of the room.

“No, Dear. You’re safe.” She had her back turned but Magnus heard the smile on her voice.

With a light hand Magnus took the glass from Alec and received a smile in return.

Catarina gestured with a tilt of her head for them to come over and Alec gave Magnus’s hand a little squeeze before letting it go. Somehow the conversation had made Alec’s steps a bit sturdier and faster.

Magnus followed but stopped a few feet from the table where Alec stood between it and Catarina.

“Take off your shirt please and sit up.” She turned her back and found a couple of gloves.

Alec did as told and sat on the table. He seemed more calm than earlier but still Magnus couldn’t let himself relax and kept a watchful eye on every move Catarina made. Last time Alec was on a table like this, they were in Canada and had no idea what they were getting themselves into. It seemed as if they still didn’t know. The only difference now was that there was no way back. Not that he wanted one. Even with everything Alec had been through and was still going through, Magnus could see the lighthearted hopefulness radiate from him.

Catarina looked up and down Alec and the frown on her forehead would have unsettled Magnus if it wasn’t from her eased smile.

“Would you mind standing again?”

Alec looked quickly at Magnus, just as puzzled as him.

“Of course not.” He jumped off the table and Catarina’s smile widened.

“I should have known that someone as athletically build as you would show by now.”

“I’m not…” Alec paused and looked down at himself.

Magnus quickly stepped closer and locked eyes at Alec’s belly. He wasn’t sure, it could be… maybe, but just two days ago he was sure it was all in his imagination; just because he wanted it so much.

Alec was shaking his head and looking from his own body to Catarina who was smiling even wider from their reaction. Carefully, she took Alec’s hand and nodded towards his belly. “Can I?”

He nodded and Magnus watched as she placed Alec’s palm flat over his bellybutton. The normally soft area didn’t move as much as Magnus had expected it to and without pause he put his hand half on top of Alec’s and half on the skin next to it. There was definitely a small bump and his heart skipped more than one beat, making him gasp. How hadn’t they noticed?

“We…” Alec moved his hand on top of Magnus’s to let him feel it completely. “We thought it was wishful thinking. Isn’t it early?”

Catarina put a hand on a shoulder of each man. “It’s within the average, but it does make me believe you’re closer to 12 weeks than 11.” She stepped back and looked back at the book. “But I’ve never had a male patient come in for a prenatal before.”

Magnus couldn’t take his eyes of Alec’s stomach as he sat back up on the table and suddenly he couldn’t walk further back than to the other side from Catarina.

Catarina took both of Alec’s hands and inspected then carefully. Then she pressed her fingertips at his neck, behind his ears and under his jaw.

“Have you felt any differences with your hair? Has it gotten thinner or dry?”

“I’m not sure… I guess I haven’t noticed.”

Magnus could have answered that if it was him. Alec took good care of himself and Magnus thought that his hair was perfect, but if there had been any changes in Magnus’s own hair, he would have noticed. Even with everything else going on.

“Okay.” She picked up a small flashlight, but waited. “You’re dehydrated, but that was expected.”

“Yeah. I knew that.”

“Look up for me.”

She shone the light in his eyes and seemed satisfied as he stepped back.

“Tired, huh?”

“You couldn’t see that without the flashlight?” Alec chuckled and Magnus’s heart lifted. Catarina and Alec had had a special bond after Magnus got sick with Lorenzo’s magic. Magnus wasn’t sure what happened between them while he was out and after, but he loved that they got along so great.

“Yeah, but the bloodshot eyes didn’t make it any less clear.” She held up a wooden tongue depressor that seemed unnecessary big and gestured for Alec to look up again.

With a sigh, Alec looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “What does all of this have to do with the baby?”

Catarina had always been thorough but he would have to agree with Alec, this was a bit much.

“When was the last time you got a full check-up with a doctor?” She stood back and folded her arms. “Not after an injury, but a health check.”

“I…” Alec frowned and look down in deep thought. “I’m not sure…”

“Do you even remember a time?”

He looked up and shook his head. Magnus wasn’t surprised. Alec might have gone as a kid, but after the rune-ceremony they were probably taking care of most with those. He’d seen Jace push through what the iratze couldn’t clear of the pneumonia with stamina till he was over it.

“Alright.” Catarina held up the wooden stick and the flashlight again. “Let me see.”

Alec looked quickly back at Magnus with a sigh, indication that he knew he had now choice but to humor her. He looked up and opened his mouth and Catarina pointed the light at his throat.

“Oh sweetheart…” She looked empathetic at Alec as she stood back and stole a quick look at Magnus.

“What?” Magnus stepped up to the table and took Alec’s hand from the back.

She sat down on a high chair with wheels and rolled over close, sitting almost as high as Alec in front of him. “You must have noticed blood when you throw up.”

“Alexander?!” Magnus pulled Alec’s arm and made him turn to look at him. Alec smiled reassuringly.

“I’m okay, Magnus. It’s just a sore throat.”

Magnus looked to Catarina for conformation, but she waited for Alec to answer.

“I don’t really look at my vomit, but I feel like I have a sore throat.” Alec spoke just as calm as before.

“I’m sure you do.” Catarina, put a hand on his shoulder. “We need to get this stopped, even if this was the only reason; your throat will only get more raw and inflamed. You can’t keep throwing up like this.”

Alec nodded and his hand tightened in Magnus’s. Somehow, it felt like the gesture was more to comfort Magnus than to have his support.

Catarina proceeded to measure Alec’s height and weight with only a short comment that it was difficult to know anything about the size of the fetus since they didn’t have earlier measurements. She seemed satisfied with his blood pressure, heartbeat, lungs and whatever she was feeling for over his chest. Everything was done in silence, except when she asked Alec to breathe deeply or hold his breath.

When she put everything away, Magnus was still holding Alec’s hand. Catarina had worked around it without comment.

She put the stethoscope and the device for measuring blood pressure away and changed her gloves. She was concentrating and only looking at the small plastic packages she was unwrapping.

“I need a blood test. The urine sample you can give after all of this.”

The fingers around Magnus’s tightened and promptly he put his other hand reassuringly on Alec’s shoulder.

Catarina turned around in the chair and swiftly changed her easygoing demeanor out for a concerned look. “Alec, honey?” She let the alcohol swab drop down on the table again and took his free hand. “You’re not passing out on me are you?”

Without letting go of Alec’s hand, Magnus made it to the other side of the table in a second. He cupped Alec’s cheek making him look at him. Alec was suddenly pale and his eyes wavering. “Alexander. Breathe, okay?”

Alec nodded with his eyes still not focusing really in Magnus.

“I didn’t know he had a problem with needles.” Catarina had dropped her gloves and was steadying Alec by his upper arm and shoulder.

“Let’s get you lying down, huh?” Magnus spoke only slightly louder than a whisper and waited patiently for Alec to nod. “Okay. Let us do the work.”

Slowly, they got him down on his side and as Catarina lifted up his legs, Magnus turned him to his back, still making sure that Alec could see him at all times.

“I’m okay, Magnus.” Alec seemed confident in his statement, but his voice were shaking just a little to much for him to hide it from Magnus.

Magnus took his hand and held it to Alec’s own chest and smiled down at him. “I know you are, but take a second to breathe.”

Alec reached up with his free arm and graced the back of his fingers over Magnus’s cheek. Magnus took the hand and kissed it before he uncurled his back and stood up.

Catarina stood behind him and put a light hand on his shoulder. “Magnus?” She tried cautiously.

She didn’t need to be careful like that. Still holding Alec’s hand, Magnus stepped aside a little, so she could stand next to Alec too. “It’s kinda a new thing…”

Magnus nodded a signal towards the book and Catarina seemed to let go of all confusion.

“I see…” She looked at Alec’s relaxed face and closed eyes as Magnus’s fingers were massaging his scalp buried deeply in his hair. “Is he able to do this?”

Alec smiled before he opened his eyes and looked at her. “Sure. It’s a good thing I trust you.” He squeezed Magnus’s hand as they both nodded at her to go get ready again.

“Just look at me.” Magnus was rolling a chair to the opposite side from Catarina and sat down. He was sure he could count the times he’d attached an IV for Alec if he tried, but it wasn’t important now. He knew that Alec was better with it and it had to be easier to help him when Magnus wasn’t the one with the needle.

When Catarina tied a rubber sting about Alec’s arm he quickly turned his head to Magnus and held his hand tight. Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec’s forehead.

“You look at me too, alright?” The louder voice Alec used was hardly shaking.

Magnus chuckled and kissed Alec’s mouth quickly. “You would think a shadowhunter and a warlock could do better.”

“Alec, Honey.” She wasn’t nervous, but Catarina had undoubtedly slowed the pace down. “I’m just cleaning first.”

“Okay.” Alec smiled as he turned his head towards her, but Magnus quickly put two fingers on his chin and reminded him to turn the other way. Alec followed the move back and a fast and shallow breath crossed his lips as the cold alcohol touched his arm.

Magnus placed his hand lightly on Alec’s cheek and graced his thumb over his cheekbone. “Remember to breathe.”

“Ready Alec?”

With a quick look Magnus saw the needle already under an inch from the crease of Alec’s arm. Alec held on tighter to Magnus’s hand and Magnus directed all his attention to his husband looking up at him and doing his best to hold his breath steady.

“Alexander?” Magnus looked him in the eyes. “Are you ready?”

Alec shook his head. He didn’t look like he was going to bolt, but this wasn’t him. Alec had done better than this home in the apartment.

“What is it? You were doing better.”

“I want…” Alec bit his lip and paused to breathe in deep. “I need… can’t you do it?”

Obviously, Alec could have learned to tolerate needle when it was him who did it. He hadn’t had anyone else do it since the night with Helen where he figured out he didn’t handle it well. The acupuncture was a different thing, at least for Alec.

“Alexander.” Magnus shook his head with a kind smile. “Catarina is better than me, you know that.”

Alec shook his head in small, almost unnoticeable, movements. Magnus got a little closer and rubbed his thumb a bit firmer over his cheek. “Yes, Alexander. Catarina will do it and I’ll be here. You just look at me.”

It seemed as Alec gave up, but his struggle to control his breathing, let Magnus know that he wasn’t close to okay with it.

“Alec, Dear?” Catarina didn’t sound like she was expecting an answer at all.

“It’s alright Catarina.” Alec swallowed and looked like he was suppressing a gag. “I’m ready.”

Magnus knew it wasn’t the pain, Alec never seemed to be reacting to the needle breaking the skin at all. However, the thought of something being under his skin, was clearly upsetting his stomach and Magnus wondered if it would pull him over the edge this time.

Alec’s chest froze and his fingertips bored deeper into Magnus’s hand. “Alexander. Breathe.” Magnus leaned in to make sure they were looking each other in the eyes. “In through your nose, remember?”

With a long and forceful inhale Alec filled his lungs and let the air out slowly through his mouth.

“Good… Again.” Magnus kept his voice steady, even though Alec’s shaking and in his made him queasy himself. As Alec followed order and got his breathing slowed down, Magnus looked at his arm, wondering how many vials Catarina needed to fill and how long it would take. The same moment she pressed a cotton ball on Alec’s arm and pulled the needle out under it.

“All done, Alec.”

The next breath crossing Alec’s lips was the first eased and natural since Catarina mentioned the blood sample.

* * *

Catarina had given them a break while she cleaned up and put the vials away. They had spent the time sitting next to each other on the table; Alec convincing Magnus that he was fine and Magnus reassuring Alec that the blood tests wouldn’t show anything; half of them were for STD’s anyway.

“Are you two ready to continue?” Catarina walked over with fast and light steps. “Jackson will be here in two hours to finish the exam and then we’ll do the ultrasound.”

Magnus didn’t understand why they had to do that last. He would prefer it to be know and then wait with the rest, but how Alec had tensed with the mentioning of Catarina’s mundane doctor friend, he understood that it might be a good idea to get that out of the way sooner rather than later.

“Yeah, let’s get on with it.” Alec spoke quickly and a bit too high-pitched to be calm. “Where do you want me?”

“On your back. I just need to feel your stomach and then I’ll let you put your shirt back on.”

Magnus sent Alec a pouty disappointed look when he jumped off the table and Alec chuckled at him as he got situated. There was no way Magnus was walking outside arm’s length from Alec and Catarina only smiled at him as she must have recognized the protective look in his eyes.

“I’m only touching you with my hands. You tell me if something feels uncomfortable.”

Alec hummed a affirmative and Catarina put her hands high on his belly. Magnus followed every move she did over Alec’s skin and watched his face every time she pressed down. Alec smiled up at him with that amused judging look he had when he thought that Magnus was too protective. The low growl from Alec and his hand suddenly on Magnus’s wrist all but stopped his heart.

“Yeah, well that…” Alec breathed deeply and build a small smile for Catarina. “…that’s sore.”

“I’m sorry, Dear. I’ll be careful.” Catarina looked confident that nothing was out of order and when she put her hands back she looked at Magnus as if too tell him that she wouldn’t hurt Alec.

The hand on Magnus’s wrist didn’t let go until Magnus took it in both of his. Alec relaxed again, but every once in a while he held his breath or let out a disgruntled moan.

“Okay. Done with that. I’ll just measure you so we can compare next time.”

“Next time?” Alec looked surprised from Magnus to Catarina.

“Yes, Dear.” She placed a measuring tape from below his chest and to the waistline on his pants. “Don’t worry, next time is not as extensive as this.”

She noted down the number from his still seemingly flat stomach. “You can put on your shirt now.”

Alec took his shirt as Magnus handed it to him, and gave him a speculating look. Magnus had the same thought.

“Catarina?” Magnus put a light hand on Alec’s shoulder when he’d put on his shirt.

“Yes?” She came over with a new clipboard behind her folded arms.

Magnus rubbed his hand a little on Alec’s shoulder. “What was the pain? Is that normal?”

She shook her head, but kept her light smile as she looked at Alec. “No, but you’ve been throwing up for weeks, it could be muscle pain.”

Worried eyes looked up at Magnus and Alec put his hand on top of his. He took a deep breath before he spoke with a small voice. “And if it’s not?”

Catarina sat down in front of him and put a hand on his knee. “Right now there’s no need to believe it’s something else. Problems with your liver could explain the pain and nausea, but you don’t have any other symptoms.”

With suddenly shaky knees, Magnus had to sit down next to Alec. Liver problems wasn’t something he had thought they would have to consider or deal with on top of this. He hadn’t thought that anything else would be an issue; Alec was the poster-boy for health.

“Darling…” Catarina took Magnus’s hand and he looked her in the eyes. “Magnus. I’m checking for everything. It makes much more sense that it’s the vomiting taking a toll on his body…”

She looked up at Alec. “Just like your throat.”

Alec turned to Magnus with a smile. “We both know she’s good at this and she would never lie to us.”

He took Magnus’s chin, lifting his face up for him to look him in the eyes. There was no doubt that Alec believed what he was saying. It was obvious that he was still nervous, but he was right. Catarina would never lie or keep something from them. Magnus nodded in Alec’s hold and smiled at him.

“The blood test will let us know if there’s anything we need to take care of.” Catarina sat up straight and handed the clipboard to Alec.

“Fill this out for me, okay? I have to talk to Magnus alone for a second.”

With a small kiss on Magnus’s cheek, Alec told him that it was okay for him to leave. Still Magnus felt something pulling him the other way as he followed Catarina out of the room.


	13. Doctor-patient confidentiality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catarina and Magnus has a one-to-one.  
Alec goes through the lat part of the examination and it's both unpleasant and overwhelming. Magnus and Alec gets some clarity and has to explain everything to the others after.  
A chapter with a lot of emotions (that's a lot said for this fic.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I know.  
I decided to try out whumptober this year and totally forgot why I decided against it last year; October is crazy busy at work. This year even more so after my added workload and promotion.  
So I'm behind. But never fear that I'll stop writing this. I love it so much.

Magnus kept his hand on the door handle and didn’t turn to look at Catarina. “Is he sick?”

“Magnus.” Catarina put a hand on his good shoulder and tried turning him, but Magnus couldn’t look her in the eyes. He would be able to see in her eyes if the baby wasn’t alright. What if they’d messed up so bad that Alec was really sick?

“What’s wrong…? The baby? Alexander?”

“Magnus.” Catarina pressed herself between Magnus and the door and lifted his face towards her with a firm hand on his chin. “I’m not hiding anything from Alec. Everything that needs to be said about his health, I said in there.”

Magnus lifted his eyes and saw the soft smile he’d known for ages. He would never doubt Catarina. He nodded but couldn’t let go of the concern still in her eyes. He let go of the handle and took a step back, giving her some room to stand free of the door.

“Catarina. What is it? You’re worried about something.”

She smiled and took his hand in both of hers. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m worried about _you_.”

Magnus frowned in curiosity. He felt good, she couldn’t possibly know about the panic. As far as he knew, she hadn’t been talking to Alec without him there.

“I’m fine. My magic is back and if this is about how much this pregnancy had taken a tool on my magic, I’m okay. I’m not overdoing anything.”

“I know.” She stepped a little closer and moved a light hand to his upper arm. “Magnus, how are _you_ holding up. Not your magic. _You._ I see the worry and stress. I can basically hear the rush from the thoughts spinning around in your head.”

“I’m…” Magnus wasn’t sure how to answer. Maybe he could have come up with some smart response if he’d been give a heads up, but surprised with the question, he just bit his lip and looked down.

Once again, Catarina pushed his chin up, this time slower and with lighter fingers. Magnus felt a lump building in his throat and when he looked up at her, he realized that his eyes were glazed over with tears.

Catarina nodded and pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m…” Magnus made a small hiccup for air. “It’s not…” He wanted to tell her that he was okay. That it was just a lot to deal with and that he wasn’t on the verge of breaking. It was all true, but he just couldn’t get anything over his lips while fighting to keep the water from escaping his eyes.

“I know, Magnus.” She pushed them from each other and gave him a second to gather himself before she took his hand and pulled him to two chairs on the other side of the room. “I know, you’re handling it. I see you’re happy. But I worry about you in all of this.”

Magnus wasn’t sure how to sort this in his mind. He’d been so frightened that she would tell him and Alec something worse than they cold imagine, and now that she wasn’t, he didn’t know why she was asking about _him_.

“Listen. Alec have just told most of his family and friends that the two of you are going to be parents. It’s your family too, I know, but the only friend who was yours before you met Alec reacted by throwing a book at you.”

Magnus could hear her voice change a little and had to look up to get confirmation that she couldn’t hide a smile. True enough, thinking back at that whole scene had her smiling and he had to chuckle and smile back at her.

She pushed her chair in front of Magnus’s and took his hands in hers. “Darling, I’m sorry I had to be a doctor first. Alec has Jace and Izzy, you need someone besides Alec to talk to…” After a breath strong enough for Magnus to hear, she lifted all four of their hands as she put her elbows on her knees. “Magnus. You can talk to me.”

From the moment Magnus got hurt on the hunt, Catarina was the person he needed to help Alec, if Magnus couldn’t himself. After that she was the voice of reason and the doctor who they both looked to for answers. She’d been right next to him the entire time; helping them. Only now, did Magnus know that he’d been missing his friend through it all. His chest contracted just enough to have him have in a small fast breath and lose control long enough for the tears to start falling. He bit his lip and only managed to nod and squeeze her hands.

It was enough, though. Catarina pulled him onto a hug and held him tight as he wrapped his arms around her back and rested his cheek on her shoulder.

“I’ll be Alec’s doctor if he want me, but I’ll always be your friend, okay?”

Magnus nodded and as Catarina put a steady hand on the back of his head, he felt a new wave of tears warm his cheeks.

* * *

The questions on the clipboard wasn’t weird, but quite personal. However, Alec did his best to cross of the numbers that fit the degree of how he’d experienced everything the last weeks. Catarina did everything for a reason and he’d decided before walking through the door, that he would be completely honest with her. She clearly wanted the best for him and the baby.

He’d known since they took the test but it was more real now. Alec couldn’t stop looking at his belly. Even with the shirt on he could feel the bump with his palm. Just thinking about that it growing made him forget everything else. Catarina had talked about ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat and now that everything seemed less scary, Alec wasn’t sure why he hadn’t demanded to do that first.

It wouldn’t be that long now though. That Jackson guy would come and do the rest of the exam and then he was done being a patient for the day. He wanted to go back to his old room and sleep for five days, only moving when changing from holding Magnus to being held.

Alec had a pretty good idea what the last part of the exam was and so far he’d been successful not thinking about it too much, but that was over. Any moment Catarina would announce his arrival and once again some stranger would examine his most private parts. The visit to Canada flashed for his eyes and Alec shivered so he almost dropped the clipboard on the floor.

“You done?” Magnus stuck his head through a half open door. “Can I come in?”

Alec laughed and put the filled questionnaire on the table as he jumped off it. “Sure. Since it’s you.”

Magnus closed the door after him and they joined in a small greeting kiss. When they stepped back Magnus looked down at his hand in Alec’s but Alec had already seen the red around his eyes. Magnus could fix his makeup with a snap of his fingers, but bloodshot eyes had to go away on their own.

“Everything okay?”

Magnus nodded and lifted Alec’s hand to kiss it before he looked up with a small smile. “Everything is perfect. Catarina and I… you know.”

Alec hugged Magnus and kissed his forehead. He wasn’t sure how long Catarina and Magnus had been friends but he’d heard them tell stories about Spain in the early 17th century. He knew she was the only of Magnus’s old friends he saw on a regular basis. He must have missed her. It was Alec’s own choice to keep the secret from Jace, but he hadn’t thought about that it meant that Magnus was keeping secrets from his best friend too.

“Are you two okay?”

Magnus nodded and pushed Alec back to sit on the table. “We are. How are you?”

Alec sighed and looked at the door, which could open any moment. “Fine.”

“Alexander?” Magnus sat up next to him and took his hand. “What? Are you nervous about the exam? She said it would only be ten minutes.”

“I know.” Alec stole a look to the door again. He hoped with all his heart that it wouldn’t open before he figured out why he wasn’t only nervous but starting to feel scared too. “I just… I don’t know.”

“Okay, okay.” Magnus turned Alec’s head towards himself. “Breathe deep.”

Alec realized that he was breathing way too fast and too shallow. He took a deep breath and looked at Magnus. He did it one more time and nodded at his husband as he got the unexpected fit under control.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know… I…”

“Hey.” Magnus brushed a thumb over Alec’s cheek. “What _do_ you know?”

Alec studied Magnus’s eyes and face. A supportive smile, showing that Magnus was just waiting for Alec to figure it out.

He thought the day over; the exam, the questions. He thought of what might happen in a few minutes, he thought about the visit with Elisapee.

With a deep breath, he gathered himself and looked up at Magnus. “I don’t want a stranger to do it.” He nodded at Magnus with a small but confident smile. “I would like it to be Catarina.”

Magnus smiled and cupped his cheeks with both hands. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

* * *

Alec had decided that this was the worst part of being pregnant. The pain, the constant nausea and vomiting, even the doubt and second-guessing everything was easier to accept than this.

He was covered, but only with a sheet, and lying flat on his back naked from the waist down, was so far out of his comfort zone that he didn’t understand how he’d made it through the first time.

“As a part of your health checkup I’ll check your prostate first.” Catarina sent him a smile before she concentrated on the cloves again. Alec felt it weird looking at her so he hoped she wouldn’t take it the wrong way, when he turned his head to the other side where Magnus was sitting. “I’ll only use my finger. And then I’ll use a scope to have a look, just to make sure the changes Magnus made are right and holding up. You with have to turn to your side, Dear.”

It was a small comfort that he didn’t have to have his legs spread out in the air like last time, and with an encouraging smile from Magnus, he slowly got to his side.

Magnus sat down and held on to both of his hands. Alec couldn’t figure out why he looked so worried, almost protective.

“Alright Alec, let’s get this over with, what do you say?” Catarina put a light hand on his hip.

“Yeah…” Surprised that his voice was ragged and squeaky Alec cleared his throat. It didn’t seem as if the other two had taken much notice to it though.

“Just bend your legs a little more and relax.”

Alec did as told and gasped loudly when she lifted the sheet just enough for the cold air to touch both butt-cheeks.

“If anything hurts you tell me right away, okay?”

Alec nodded and took a deep breath as she put a hand on his one cheek.

“That’s right; breathe. It won’t take long.”

When Catarina’s finger touched him with the lube Alec squeezed Magnus’s hands. It wasn’t cold but it was all wrong. Slowly, the finger pressed harder and Alec closed his eyes and pressed his forehead on his and Magnus’s joined hands. She pushed in far, but she was quick about it and it didn’t hurt. As soon as she was done she covered him with the sheet again, and Alec breathed a little easier.

“Everything is as it should be. The passage to the uterus is a bit farther in, though.”

Alec heard metal clinking and involuntarily tensed up and Magnus moved one of his hands to burry it’s fingers in Alec’s hair.

Magnus leaned in closer. “Relax. It’s not that far.”

“No, nothing to worry about.” Catarina had sat down behind Alec and lifted the sheet up again. “It’s just past the prostate, you wont feel anything deeper than you just did.”

He nodded and focused on Magnus’s comforting smile as Catarina smeared lube on him again. The metal touched him and Alec jolted and clenched.

Magnus squeezed his hand and looked him in the eyes. “Alexander. Relax and it will be over soon.”

Confused about what had just happened, Alec nodded and pulled his knees a little higher. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Catarina put her hand back on his cheek. “I’ll make sure you’re ready this time.”

Alec had been ready, he had expected it just when it touched him, but he hadn’t expected his own reaction and now he didn’t know how to make his heart slow down.

“Are you ready, Alec?” Catarina asked with her most caring and professional voice, that Alec had loved since the first time he’d seen her; when she stitched up a crying Izzy before she got her iratze.

“Yeah.” His voice was only air and he had no idea why he couldn’t just get this done.

“A little pressure at first.”

The thing touched him and he pulled away and turned to his back, almost pulling Magnus down to lie over him. Gasping for air he saw Magnus and Catarina look down at him. Magnus wasn’t surprised at all and it didn’t make sense, because it was only this second that he’d realized himself that he wasn’t able to do this again.

Catarina looked as if she wanted to speak, but Magnus shook his head at her and slowly sat down again.

“Alexander…” Magnus buried his fingers in his hair again. “Alexander, look at me.”

Alec turned his head and tried to keep the embarrassment from taking over completely.

“I can see you’re scared. It was clear since I came back in here, but what is scaring you?”

Of course, Magnus had seen it. It hadn’t been enough to get someone they know and trusted to do it. It was still too much.

“I can’t do it again, Magnus. I know I’ll have to with the birth and all, but to just lie here and let her… I can’t…” Alec stopped himself before he would end up crying. It was humiliating enough as it was.

“Oh, Cariño. It’s not the same.” Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec’s forehead softly. “Catarina is not testing anything; she’s just looking. She won’t open it that much.”

“Alec, Honey?” Catarina tried carefully.

Alec swallowed and turned his head slowly back towards her.

“I’ve read the book. I’m sorry, I should have specified that it’s not like that.” She sat down and the eased smile she had on was already reassuring Alec. She held up a small metal tube with a handle. “Look, it don’t expand. It’s only a little wider than a thumb and I look through it by pulling the tip out.”

She pulled a small knob and the tip of the thing followed it out through the cylinder. The thought of having that thing inside him wasn’t no where near fun, but he was sure it wouldn’t hurt and it seemed as if it would go rather quick as well. He nodded, too mortified by it all to talk.

A small push by the fingers in his hair turned his head back towards Magnus’s smile. “We should definitely have asked about that.”

Alec released a soundless chuckle and smiled. Slowly, he got back to his side and Magnus leaned in to be right in front of his face.

“You okay now, Cariño?”

Alec nodded and tugged Magnus’s hand close to his chest, holding it there with both hands. Magnus nodded at Catarina and she rolled the chair closer again.

“Just breathe Alec. If it hurts or there is something you need to ask, you let me know, okay?”

“O-okay.”

Alec hugged Magnus’s hand a little tighter as she touched him and when the thing pressed against him he used every cell in his body to convince himself that it wasn’t like before. The feeling of the hard and slightly cold metal, was too familiar. When Catarina pressed the tip inside, Alec gasped and tensed up, but he didn’t move.

“Take a second to relax, Alec. Try to breathe calm and slow.” Catarina sounded sure that he wasn’t going to freak out, at least she sounded more sure than Alec was.

With Magnus’s fingers massaging his head, deep under the hair, Alec found the control to take a few deep breaths and with that, it became a lot easier to relax.

“Good, Alec. It will be over in seconds, I promise.”

The metal moved deeper but it didn’t hurt and slowly Alec became sure it wouldn’t at all. Faster than expected but still long after Alec was done with it, Catarina took the thing out and asked him to lie on his back.

“So?” Magnus held tight onto Alec’s hand, and had his eyes firmly locked on Catarina.

She turned back from where she’d placed all the things she didn’t need and put a hand light on Alec’s free. “It’s all good. Magnus did a good job, as expected.”

Alec felt the sigh Magnus released, through his hand and pulled it closer, making Magnus look at him.

“See? Everything’s fine.” Alec took his hand from Catarina and reached up to graze his fingers over Magnus’s jawline. “You said you could do it and I knew you were right. Look at us now.”

Magnus smiled and brushed a few stray curls away from Alec’s forehead. Then he looked up at Catarina, who was already putting on gloves again. “You said you had to check one more thing?”

That Alec had forgotten. He remembered now though, but not if she’d told him what. He was pretty sure she hadn’t.

“I do.” She looked down at Alec with the most apologetic eyes Alec had seen since they were in his office and Magnus realized that Alec was now afraid of needles. “Magnus made the egg in your testes and moved it up to the uterus. I just want to make sure there were no complications. Have you felt any pain in that area at all?”

For weeks, Alec’s whole body had been sore from the vomiting and pain had come and gone in most places between his shoulders and thighs.

“I’m not sure… Maybe.”

Alec felt Magnus’s hand tightening on his and he looked up fast with a comforting smile. “I’ve been overworked for weeks, remember?” As Magnus nodded, Alec looked back at Catarina. “I might have, but nothing too bad and not all the time.”

“Alright.” She walked to his side and Alec shuddered as she took hold of the edge of the sheet. “I don’t have to look but I’ll feel your testes and you just tell me if it’s sore or painful.”

It took a second before Alec realized that he’d been staring at Catarina for too long without answering. Still not sure how he was going to respond, he turned to Magnus.

Magnus leaned in a kissed his forehead. “It’s the last thing and then you’re done.”

With an almost unnoticeable nod, Alec took reached for Magnus’s hand with his other too, and locked his eyes to the ceiling.

“I’ll make it quick, okay?” Catarina had already lifted the sheet just enough to reach in, but Alec could still feel it over him and was sure she couldn’t see anything.

It felt wrong. It _was_ wrong, and it wasn’t quick at all. He breathed deep and tried to concentrate on Magnus’s fingers massaging his scalp, but the hand between his legs took presence over everything else.

“Ouch!” Alec pulled Magnus’s hand closer and bend his legs. If it was the pain or the surprise that was worse, Alec wasn’t quite sure, but it definitely shouldn’t hurt there.

“Sorry, Dear.” Catarina didn’t remove her hand but she stopped pressing his fingers on him. “Tell, me was that like it had been before or was it worse?”

Alec took a few more breaths to calm himself. “More. Definitely.”

Catarina nodded to herself and then moved her hand a little.

“I’ll be careful, but I need to know if it hurts here too.”

Alec bit his lip and held his breath, but as Catarina added pressured with her thumb, there was no pain. It was sore and Alec was scared it would get worse any second, but it didn’t.

“It’s not as bad.”

“Okay.” She smiled and took her hand out from under the sheet. “It seems like you might have pulled a muscle but it’s nothing to worry about. You can put your pants on and elevate the table a little and I’ll go get the ultrasound.”

* * *

Alec wasn’t sure if the pounding in his hand was his, or Magnus’s pulse. The silence in the room was unbearable but Alec had nothing to say, and from the controlled breaths Magnus was talking he was concentrating hard on staying calm and upright on the chair.

Catarina had lifted Alec’s shirt and opened his pants a little and was now moving the scanner over his belly. She’d been talking and explaining as she got everything ready, but eventually she realized that neither of the men was going to answer, so she silenced too. Alec analyzed every small twitch on Catarina’s mouth and how her eyes looked over the screen. So far there was nothing but her normal investigative look to be spotted. She held the machine still on Alec’s stomach and moved a little closer to the screen. Alec held his breath and Magnus’s hand squeezed the last of the blood out of Alec’s. Before Alec could get his mind to form words, she smiled at the two of them.

“Everything looks good.” She talked calm but fast and with a lighter tone than all day. “But I have to retract my previous statement about the twelve weeks. From what you told me it can’t be less than eleven weeks and a day, so we have to go with that.”

Alec felt his chest relax and he sunk a bit down on the elevated backrest. Magnus’s thumb graced over the back of Alec’s hand and he looked up to eyes filled with, not only relief, but joy like he hadn’t in a long time.

“Here…” Catarina turned the screen around and showed them the grainy image. “I could get a better picture if you would let me use magic, but there’s the little wonder.” She pointed at what was clearly a head and moved her finger over the belly, down to a tiny leg.

“We don’t want magic…” Alec whispered as Magnus stood up to look over Alec, closer to the screen. “…we don’t need it. This is everything.”

Alec stared at the little grey circle with a small indication of a face in profile. There was really a baby. It was right there in front of them. _Their_ baby. His and Magnus’s. Both of their DNAs made that. He controlled his breathing but it was harder to fight the burning in his eyes.

“If that’s the baby…” Magnus pointed at the head. “Then what…?”

Alec pulled Magnus’s hand before he could continue. Magnus didn’t seem worried, but the investigative and almost chocked look on his face made Alec instantaneously uneasy. Magnus squeezed his hand and smiled down at him, then he looked to the screen again.

“Cat…?” Magnus pointed to another, less clear shape.

There was a pause, too long for Alec’s comfort. He squinted at the screen and wasn’t sure that there was even anything there. When Alec finally gave up and looked at Catarina she was sporting a huge smile and took Magnus’s free hand. “That would be the other baby.”

Magnus landed hard on the chair and Catarina had clearly foreseen that as she supported him by his hand.

“Wh…” Alec wasn’t sure how to end the word. He looked at the screen and maybe he saw it.

Catarina moved the scanner a little and the second baby became just as clear as the first. Alec felt his feet disappear.

“Two?” Magnus forced the question out under his breath.

“Yes, Darling.” She leaned on over Alec’s thighs and squeezed Magnus’s hand a little more. “You are having twins.”

Just a second ago, Alec had been almost in tears from seeing the baby that he and Magnus had made; a child that was growing inside him. It was absurd in itself, but two babies was… Alec didn’t know what that was. Magnus’s eyes were locked at the screen, he was breathing slow and Alec wasn’t sure he was even able to hear him.

“Magnus?” Alec placed his free hand on their joined ones. “Magnus, Love?”

He tugged a little in his hand and Magnus looked down into his eyes. It didn’t seem like he was completely there.

“Sweet love.” Alec took Magnus chin and sat up enough to kiss his mouth shortly. “We’re having two kids.”

Magnus took a deep breath and nodded, and his presence was suddenly back in his eyes. He smiled wide. “We’re going to have _two_.”

Alec nodded and laughed and pulled Magnus in for another kiss. When they let go Magnus put his hand carefully on Alec’s belly next to the scanner and laughed to. He shook his head and looked at Catarina.

“How did that happen?”

Catarina chuckled. “Well, like it does with other twins. Either there’s two eggs or the egg divides in two.”

Alec shook his head as to get back to reality, even though he had difficulties figuring out what was real. “But there can’t be two eggs, so they’re identical?”

Catarina lifted Magnus’s hand and kissed it before she moved the scanner again. Alec couldn’t see what she was seeing and he found himself missing the sight of his babies until she moved it back and he could see both of them clear again.

“I’m still sure. There’s two placentas.”

Magnus and Alec stared at her. She had to add more words to make that mean anything.

“Magnus must have made two eggs.” She smirked as she looked at Magnus and he got more and more confused.

“I did?”

“Hey.” Alec turned Magnus’s head back towards himself. “It was the fourth time. You must have had too much practice.” This was ridiculous enough to make Alec smile so his cheeks hurt. Besides, if he couldn’t see the fun in this, he might pass out from shock or panic.

Magnus smiled and wrapped both hands around Alec’s one and lifted it up to kiss it.

“One last thing.” Catarina beamed as if she had light up the entire med-ward.

The fast beat filling the room was turned up loud and Alec lost his breath. “Is… is that…?”

Alec’s eyes were already filling with tears before he saw Catarina nod. He felt his chin quiver and before the first tear fell, Magnus had leaned in and tugged Alec’s head tight into the crease of his neck. Alec wrapped one arm around Magnus, trying desperately to lie still as he felt his husband breathe as shakily as himself.

Catarina took Alec’s hand lying next to his side and smiled as she moved the scanner a little. The sound was gone. Magnus stood up just enough to look Alec in the eyes and move a hand through his hair. Magnus’s eyes were red and it was clear than neither of them had any way of getting words out. Catarina was still moving the thing around and Alec squeezed her hand, hoping she got the message that they weren’t done yet.

“Hang on, Alec.”

The sound began again and she let go of his hand. “Baby two.”

The overwhelming ecstasy, wonder and sudden feeling of purpose took over again and Alec smiled through the tears as he saw the exact same things in Magnus’s eyes over him.

* * *

Catarina had been sworn to secrecy and two minutes after she’d left the room Magnus and Alec had heard her yelling something that sounded a lot like “doctor-patient confidentiality”.

There was a lot of talking between Jace, Clary, Simon and Izzy outside the room. Alec couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it was definitely developing into a discussion. Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus and leaned back against the headboard of the bed Magnus had been confined to all night. Both of them held a small grainy picture on their bent legs. Alec looked from one picture to the other; slightly different, but there was definitely two babies on both.

Alec leaned his head on the top of Magnus’s. “I miss them.”

“It’s weird; I do to, but they’re right here.” Magnus placed his picture on Alec’s belly and held it there with a light palm. “We need to hear it again before we go home.”

Trying, and failing, to swallow the lump in his throat, Alec nodded and placed his hand on picture on top of Magnus’s; making sure they could still both see both pictures.

The voices outside stilled and there was a hesitant knock on the door. “Alec?” Alec didn’t remember a time he’d heard Izzy speak so carefully. “Magnus?”

Alec looked down at the pictures and cleared his throat. “We better answer before someone gets a heart attack.”

Magnus sat up a little and smiled at him. “Should we just call them in?”

It looked like Magnus was just as reluctant to end the moment as Alec was, but they both knew that they would get back to just sitting here, the four of them, faster if they just did this now.

“Izzy!” Alec called out and pulled Magnus back down. “It’s alright.”

The door opened slowly and Izzy stepped hesitant into the room, she looked back through the door indecisive if she should close it or open it more.

“It’s okay, Izzy.” Alec smiled and reached out for her to come over and take his hand. “They can come too.”

She smiled and pushed the door open before she grabbed a chair and rushed to sit by her brother’s side. Magnus slowly covered the two pictures with his hand and Alec understood completely. Maybe they should go slow. Jace was right after Izzy and stood close with a hand on her shoulder and Alec’s knee. Clary took stood by Magnus’s side and Simon took her hand, obviously to calm her as she was shaking.

“Alec?” Izzy started shaky and quietly. “Catarina…”

Alec squeezed her hand. “Iz. I’m okay. What with Catarina.”

Izzy swallowed and looked down, then she turned her eyes up to Jace and he took over. “Alec. Catarina didn’t say anything but you’ve been in here all day and…” Jace paused and looked from Clary to Izzy, clearly avoiding Alec’s and Magnus’s eyes.

“And what, Jace?” Alec had no idea why they were all so worked up.

Jace bit his lip for a second and when Clary nodded at him he looked at Alec. “She had tears in her eyes. She was almost as red-eyed as the two of you.”

Magnus’s hand took Alec’s chin and turned his head so they were eye to eye. He smiled and caught a tear that had been at the corner of Alec’s eye for a while. Alec was sure his eyes looked just like Magnus’s; cried out and tired, but how could they not see the light in them?

He chuckled and lifted Izzy’s hand up to kiss it. “That’s what happens when you get good news.”

Izzy’s eyes lit up and her hand seemed stronger even as she loosened the grip.

“So, there’s nothing wrong?” Clary wrapped both hands around Simon’s and Simon took his eyes of Izzy for a moment.

“No, biscuit. Everything is as it should be and as we hoped.”

Alec chuckled and as if Magnus just realized what he’d said he rubbed his thumb on Alec’s belly and chuckled. “Well, not everything.”

“Alec.” Jace gathered both hands on Izzy’s shoulder and looked down at her to make sure that Alec saw her. She was confused and when Jace and clearly understood that there was only good news to hear, Izzy was still on edge.

“Izzy. I promise…” Alec pushed himself up to sit all the way and let go of Magnus’s shoulders to take both of Izzy’s hands in his. “Everything is perfectly fine. I’m good and the babies are too.”

Izzy shook and gasped loudly. Alec didn’t even realize what he’d said before tears were running down her cheeks and Jace leaned in and grabbed his shoulder.

“Alec?” Jace talked calm, but that could had been to conceal the shaky breath that came after the word. Alec looked up at him and Jace locked eyes with his older brother. “Are you freaking kidding me?”

With Izzy’s shocked look and tears and Jace’s disbelief, Alec could do noting but shake his head and smile.

“Magnus?” Clary asked, clearly not able to decide if she was happy or scared.

“Yes.” Magnus sat up as well and only flinched a little from his wounds as he wrapped his arm around Alec. “We’re having twins.”

“But…” Clary was smiling almost laughing as she looked from Magnus to Alec and to Jace. “How…? It’s…”

Magnus laughed and put his hand with on of the pictures on her and Simon’s hands. She gasped and took it without turning it to see. Alec took the other, lying on his middle, and handed it to Izzy. Izzy’s shaking hands held on tight as he nodded for her to look down at it.

“Dammit, Alec!” Jace laughed as he saw the image in their sister’s hands. “You two just have to do everything over the top.”

Magnus hugged Alec a little tighter. “Well, we didn’t plan for this.”

Simon, who had been unusually quiet through it all, took Clary’s hand and lifted it so he could see the image better. “Do you know…?” He looked almost apologetic as he tried again. “Do you know the genders or if…?”

Magnus shook his head. “Catarina couldn’t see. And no, we don’t know if they are warlocks or shadowhunters.”

Simon nodded and looked back at Izzy, where his attention had been the most of the conversation. Jace seemed to pick up on it and nodded at him, as he walked to see the picture Clary was holding. Simon rushed to Izzy’s side and hunched down next to her. She showed him the picture and Simon mirrored her smile.

The two couples looked at each their picture in silence and Magnus slowly moved back and pulled Alec to sit against the headboard too. For a moment Alec wished that they had asked for more pictures, but Magnus must have missed looking at their babies too, because the same second two copies were sitting in Alec’s lap. Alec breathed a little easier when he could see their two little wonders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I just screwed myself over badly. From the fifth or sixth chapter I had decided that they would have ONE kid. I'd chosen the gender and even the name. But writing this I changed it to twins (because, why make it easy on myself?) I had a plan up until half way the ultrasound-scene...  
Please tell me what you think about the new turn of events, and the chapter in general.


	14. Family matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus are enjoying the side-effects of knowing that everything is as it should be. Only one thing left to do before they have to go home and back to their lives in Idris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you have asked for exactly what I had/have planned to write (some of you not so much ;-) )  
I don't know if it means that my writing is predictable or if I'm just giving you what you hoped for. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit on the longer side, but it's a lot of dialogue so it might not feel like that.

Alec stopped the fork before he got it to his mouth and looked up at Magnus’s huge smile. “What?”

“I’m just happy to see you eat so much for breakfast. Especially after the big meal you had last night hasn’t made a reappearance.”

“Yeah well, I _am_ eating for not only two but for three.” He chewed and swallowed the eggs on the fork and picked up more. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten without fearing that it would make him sick.

Magnus let out a chuckle. “Sure, but just be careful that there’s still some room for the kids in there.”

“Hey!” Alec’s smile broke through the fake offended look. “Don’t judge me. I’m following doctor’s orders. I’m not fat, I’m pregnant.”

Magnus laughed as he reached over the table and lifted Alec’s hand to his lips. “I’m sorry.” He winked at Alec before poking his fork into the last piece of bacon on his own plate.

The last five days had been like a second honeymoon. A weird one, spend in the New York institute. They only talked about the pregnancy when they were behind closed doors, which meant that they’d spent most of the time in Alec’s old room. Most people were oblivious to what was happening, but clearly wondering why they were not more out. The few who did know were speaking in the corners not to out their secret, which cold only add to the curiousness in the eyes following Magnus and Alec.

Still, Alec loved every second. The evening the same day as the checkup, Catarina had gotten the answers to the blood and urine test. Everything was normal and Alec had slept all through the night without worry keeping him up. Being well rested and not working as much, he’d had a few things sent over but only the most pressing matters, had made his nausea almost disappear. He’d only felt it a little in the morning, but it didn’t bother him too much. Today there hadn’t been anything at all. Catarina had said that as soon as he could eat so he wasn’t hungry that would help too, and he didn’t have a problem with that anymore.

There was a knock on the door. “Room service.”

Magnus and Alec shared a smile at his sisters obvious amusement.

“It’s open.” Alec put down the cutlery and turned towards the door opening and Izzy stepping in slowly. “You have never acted as room service, waitress or even cook in your life, why start now.”

“Hey! I cook.” She stepped in the room and closed the door behind her.

With a huge grin on his face Alec nodded. “Sure, but never for anyone but you and Simon, and he doesn’t eat much does he?”

The sound from Magnus’s side of the table was surely of someone holding back a laugh. Alec did too. Izzy folded her arms. “I just figured that’s what people say when daring to approach a room with a couple who has been acting as giddy as you have the last days and haven’t been outside the door all morning.”

Alec shot a quick look at the clock on the wall; 12.36. “Oh, sorry.” He looked at Magnus who, by the look of his smile, clearly had been aware of the time.

“Hey!” Alec looked at Izzy. “Don’t you dare call me giddy.”

Izzy laughed loudly and came over to sit down at the small table. “Sure thing big brother.”

“Not that I don’t like your company.” Magnus looked curious at Izzy. “But did you want something?”

She nodded and looked at Alec. “Can we talk…? About mom?”

Alec had hoped that he’d come up with a plan before anyone else would ask for one. Magnus had avoided the subject and let Alec figure it out by himself, but Alec knew that he only had to mention it to have his help figuring this out. It had just been too difficult to get his own thoughts in order, so he’d tried not to think about it.

“You know she and Luke is coming here the day after tomorrow, right?” Izzy leaned in closer to look up into Alec’s eyes. “No one has let her know that you’re here. She don’t even know that Jace and Magnus got hurt.”

Instantly, Alec’s hands went numb and he gathered them in his lab. He should have thought as much. Of course they had all neglected to tell her that, otherwise she would have been here in a second. She was going to freak out when she learned that they had kept that from her.

“I didn’t… Izzy, I didn’t think. I’m sorry.”

Izzy quickly took his hand and the firm grip somehow steadied his blood already rushing too fast through him.

“Alec. It’s alright. It won’t matter when she learns why we didn’t tell her right away.”

“But it will…” Alec looked up at Magnus who looked like he desperately tried to copy Izzy’s lighthearted optimism. “Think about how she would react about an injury. Then think about what I’ve been keeping from her… for months.”

Before Alec saw him even getting up, Magnus had pulled his chair to sit next to him and Izzy and took his other hand. “What are you scared of, Alexander…? You don’t think she’ll react like Catarina? She came around?”

“No.” Alec shook his head and looked at Izzy. “She’ll be scared. Just like you did, and worse. She doesn’t trust me like you do.”

Izzy sat up straight, surprised and shook her head. “That’s not right. Mom trust you more than everyone.”

Alec shook his head. “Not when it comes to my own health.” He looked at Magnus. “You know it’s true. She’s worse than you.”

Magnus let out a small chuckle. “Well, I came around too, remember?”

“Listen, Alec.” Izzy squeezed his hand with both of hers. “You have Magnus, okay? Mom knows that he would never do anything dangerous to you. Maybe Jace should be there too. We all knows, including mom, that he can’t lie to her.”

Alec nodded with a small smile and Magnus leaned in to get Alec to look at him. The determined look in his eyes both frightened and calmed Alec.

“I’d say we should talk to her before the family dinner. I’ll talk to Catarina.” He turned to Izzy. “We’re supposed to see Catarina again tomorrow. Both of us.” He moved his shoulder a little, testing his wound. Alec was pleased to see it healing faster for every time. Tomorrow could be the last time.

Magnus stood up and pulled Alec with him, placing a kiss on his lips. “Maybe we should do that today and then see Maryse tomorrow, after we know that everything is still perfect.”

After a small nod and a smile Alec kissed Magnus again and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Izzy stand too. He nodded at Magnus to go and Magnus looked at Izzy before he hugged Alec tight and whispered into his ear. “Take your time. Find me after.”

When Magnus had closed the door, Izzy seemed as if she wondered if she should leave too, but before she could make up her mind, Alec smiled at her and took her hand. He walked both of them to the little couch against the far wall and pulled her down to sit next to him.

“Iz. You know I’m okay right?”

She nodded but looked down at her hands in her lap. Alec pushed her face up by her chin. “Look at me.” She looked into his eyes and he saw a rare fear he hadn’t seen in years. He only remembered it from when they were kids and Alec went on a few hunts before Izzy was old enough. “Izzy. I’m okay. You just said it. Magnus would never hurt me.”

“I know.” She took his hand and smiled as she looked down at their grip on each other. “I know, you’re fine. But things sometimes go wrong. And even if everything goes perfectly right; you won’t be here. I won’t be with you.”

Alec remembered that talk from when they were younger too. Izzy never really doubted that Alec could handle himself but she hated it when she couldn’t be there if he got hurt or scared. She hated it with a passion and Alec had only learned how it felt when Izzy went on her first hunt without him.

“I’ll make you a deal.” He waited for her to look up and when she did, he smiled at her scared yet hopeful eyes. “You will be there when it’s time. I’ll make sure you’re there, no matter where I am.”

Izzy bit her bottom lip and the small nod was almost undetectable. Alec cupped her cheek. “When I moved to Idris, I told all of you that you could come visit anytime. Take advantage of that promise.”

He smiled as Izzy let out an almost soundless chuckle. “You come as much as you want. Call me every time you feel like it.” Alec looked down that their hands as squeezed both of Izzy’s with both of his. He nodded to himself before looking into the eyes of his, now slightly calmer, sister. “I’ll make Jace promise that if he feels like I need help, of any kind, he’ll talk to you.”

The grip Izzy’s teeth had on her lip, couldn’t keep her chin from quivering but before Alec noticed any water in her eyes, she hugged him tight and rested her chin on his shoulder.

“Thanks.”

Alec wrapped his arms around her back and felt her breathing, slow and strong. “Hey, it’s purely selfish. You know I can’t handle you being scared or sad… anything but happy really.”

He kissed her temple and pushed her back so he could see her wet cheeks and slight smile. Carefully, he thumbed away the tears and then cupped both of her cheeks. “And you’re in this now too, you know? With two kids running around we will need babysitters. I’ll pick you and Simon over Jace and Clary any day.”

He watched Izzy’s smile widen. “Just don’t tell then I said that…” He bit his lip and pretended to look deep in thought. “Don’t tell Simon either. Then everyone would know.”

Izzy laughed loudly and nodded. “Okay. But Simon isn’t that bad with secrets.”

Alec sat back in the couch and folded his arms over his stomach. It was like that had become his go-to seating position. “Maybe not with all secrets, but if it’s something that he feels proud about, it will come out eventually.”

“Yeah…” Izzy nodded to herself. “Okay, I’m not saying anything.”

“Izzy…” Alec placed a palm flat on his belly, clearly showing a small bump under the t-shirt now. “What do I say to mom?”

Hesitant Izzy touched his hand and when he gave her a small smile she placed her hand flat on top of his. “You tell her that she’ll be a grandma and everything else will sort itself out. She loves you and she loves Magnus.”

Alec found no fear in Izzy’s eyes anymore. Just support and slight optimism.

“Remember Jace and Catarina? Remember me crying from confusion and fear, and then joy? Simon was acting almost paralyzed only to spurt every insecurity as soon as he was out of the room. You know, every time Jace reassured us all, Clary pulled him aside after to make sure he didn’t hold anything back and I’m sure half of it is to make sure Jace is okay too.”

Frozen in place, Alec wondered how Izzy could tell him all that without being angry, but she was completely calm. She brushed her thumb over the back of Alec’s palm and smiled softly. “I’m not saying this to make you sad or to regret not telling us sooner. I need you to know that we’re all fine now. Mom will be too. Even if she freaks out at first.”

Alec moved his hand on top of Izzy’s so she had her hand directly on his stomach. There was nothing else to it than that there was definitely something there, but Izzy hadn’t felt it before and she looked from her hand to Alec’s face with wonder.

“Thanks little sister.”

She nodded. Alec wondered if she could speak without the water glazing over her eyes spilled. He cupped her cheek with his free hand. “I love you.”

Izzy swallowed deeply and a tear rolled down her cheek. “I love you too.” She wiped away the tear and sniffled shortly. “Just remember you can call me too.”

Alec nodded and hugged Izzy tight again.

“I’ll remember.”

* * *

Jace was in his own room when Alec found him. Izzy had gone to find Magnus and tell him that Alec wanted to talk to Jace.

“You have a minute?” Alec didn’t wait for the answer before walking in and closing the door behind him.

Jace was sitting by the piano but not playing. He turned his head from looking out the window and with a small smile he gestured for the two soft armchairs. Alec studies Jace’s face and movements; something was off. Maybe he was in pain from the wound. Clary had told him that he wasn’t healing as fast as Magnus.

“Jace, are you okay?”

Jace dropped into he chair and sighed with a smile. “Did Clary tell you she was worried?”

“No… she didn’t.” Alec shook his head. “Should we be? Izzy said that Magnus is healing faster because Catarina’s magic his stronger than the rune.”

Slowly shaking his head and letting his shoulders drop, Jace looked up. “No. I’m fine. Clary is just weirdly overprotective this time. It’s not like with other injuries.”

So what Izzy had just told him was spot on. “Jace. Maybe it’s not the injury she’s worried about.” Alec hated to make everything about himself. It would be better if it was the wound.

“I’ve thought as much.” Jace smiled and shook her head. “I’m just not sure what to tell her. It’s not like I know, or understand, everything that’s going on.”

Alec took a second to think before he folded his legs up in the chair and turned towards Jace. “Why doesn’t she just come to me? What is she asking about?”

After a few seconds of confusion it was like a light turned on behind Jace’s eyes. “Oh…”

Alec laughed. Jace had been so hung up on making sure that Alec was alright that he hadn’t realized that his own girlfriend was worried about him and not Alec. “So you know what to do now?”

“Yeah… thanks.” Jace let out a small laugh, placed his elbows on his knees and rested his forehead in his hands.

They had been parabatai for years and they had both had to explain others that they could be fine, even if the other was struggling with something. Alec had had the talk with Magnus a few times before Magnus wasn’t weird around him if he got a sense of Jace. Alec knew Jace had had the same talk with Clary before, but this was new and maybe she just needed to hear that it still was the case.

“So…” Jace lifted his head. “What did you want to talk about?”

Alec sighed heavily. “We’re going to talk to mom tomorrow.”

Jace sat up straight and took a deep breath. He looked as if he’d expected it but not that it would be now. “Okay, ehm… Good…” Jace’s eyes sprung up and met Alec’s. “Hey…! I get that you’re nervous but why the hell are you sad?”

Alec knew there was a reason why he needed to talk to Jace. They were always better at sorting everything out for the other. It helped only to have the emotions and not all the thoughts and reasons.

“I guess…” Alec bit his lip as scouted his mind for the thought that could have made him sad. Jace waited for him and when Alec looked up with tears in his eyes, Jace placed a hand on top of Alec’s and let him gather everything first. “Jace… I’m going to hurt her. You know that, right?”

Jace let out a sight through a relieved smile. “No, you’re not.” Jace sat on the edge of his chair and held Alec’s hand with his other too. “She’s going to be so happy for you and Magnus… and for her; You’re making her a grandma.”

It was futile trying not to smile when Jace had optimism like that painted all over his face. Alec tried anyway. “Jace… let’s be real for a moment.”

“I am!”

Alec wanted to speak, but Jace beat him to it. “Mom won’t be angry that you kept it a secret. She’ll understand. She’d had three kids of her own, you know?”

Only a deep sigh made it over Alec’s lips as he gave in to the smile and the lightheartedness of the conversation.

“However…” Jace sounded serious but he didn’t look it at all. “She might tear me a new one when she learns that I didn’t tell her about my worry when you first started thinking about this.”

The brothers shared a smile and a confirming look as Jace sat back in the chair.

“You know…?” Jace sighed deeply and looked directly at Alec. “This might come back to bite me in the ass in a completely different way.”

Alec wasn’t following and the way he hesitated and only ended up shaking his head, clearly told Jace that he better continue.

“Everything is going great for the first time in years. Clary and I are good, she’s back like she was before. Izzy and Simon… well, you’ve seen them.”

Pictures of laced fingers and hands grazing over shoulders came to mind. Alec stopped it before the kissing reappeared as a movie before his eyes. “Yeah… I think everyone has.”

“Well, mom and Luke. I guess you’re the one to report on Aline and Helen. I can go on if you want; Lorenzo and Underhill…”

“No?” Alec stopped Jace. “You’re joking.”

“Yeah. You haven’t been around. It’s like a horrible sequel to you two that no one wants to see.”

It all made sense now. Lorenzo conveniently being there when they needed at portal, him using so much time at the institute the last days and him being here and able to with Magnus’s wound when Catarina couldn’t be here yesterday.

“Does he live here?”

Jace shrug his shoulders. “Not yet, but he might as well be.”

“Well… Okay.” Alec shook his head to get back in the real conversation. “I see how everything is working out. What is your point?”

“No one…” Jace stood up and turned to look at Alec. “Absolutely no one was talking about kids… or grand-kids. And then you and Magnus; the perfect couple, decides to make a baby.”

Alec saw where this was going and he leaned back to see Jace unfold in his joking manor before him. “So, what? It’s our baby… well, babies.”

“It’s not the point! No one expected you to ever have kids. Izzy was the one meant to do that, but then she fell head over heals in love with a freaking vampire.”

“Hey.” Alec stood up and instinctively placed himself between Jace and the closed door. “Don’t let anyone hear you talk like that.”

“Stop it.” Jace put a calm hand on Alec’s shoulder. “They all know I love that _freaking vampire_.”

“I know.” Alec stepped calmly back and nodded at Jace to go on with his presentation of his own doom.

“I’m happy for them, even when it makes me sick to look at them, but it makes it impossible to make kids. So when you start this and everyone gets the idea of little ones running around we both know who everyone expect to be next in line.” Jace took a step back and spread his arms as to present himself to the room.

A laughter, Alec had no control over, bursted from his stomach. He wanted to tell Jace that he was ridiculous, but he had to just let his body do what it wanted. Laughing and half gasping for air he leaned against the piano with both hands.

“So you have nothing to say?”

Jace sounded almost hurt and a new wave of laughter had Alec crumple to fold his arms on the piano and support his forehead on them. “Yes…” He gasped and held up a hand towards Jace to keep him from saying anything else. “So much.”

With a big controlled breath Alec got his legs to hold all of his weight and he stood up. Still chuckling and a tear running from each eyes, from pure exhaustion. “I have so much…” He took another deep breath. “…so much to say. First of all;” He walked to Jace and took him by both shoulders. “If you seriously feel any pressure on you to have kids, you might need to see someone. Someone professional.”

Jace came down from his hype quickly and only nodded at Alec with a huge smile. “You really think so? Not even mom?”

Alec pulled Jace back to the chair and pushed him down. He placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Not even mom. She knows you’re not there. Besides we’ve might just have bought you a few extra years.”

Jace chuckled and jokingly agreed to what Alec just had said. Alec shook his head and sat down. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself from Jace’s clear attempt to lighten the mood. An attempt that had worked; they almost ever did.

“Jace?” Alec spoke calmer and deeper and by the way Jace’s awareness sharpened, he clearly understood that they were changing the subject.

“What?”

“I wanted to ask you…” Alec looked down and covered his belly with both palms. It was weird how his first instinct was to protect the babies even he was only nervous or uncomfortable and not in any danger.

“Ask me what?” Jace sat up in the chair and looked curious at him.

“When we first talked about how we were going to tell mom and Izzy you…” Alec swallowed and looked up at Jace. Jace was smiling and leaned in to get their eyes properly in line.

“I said that I would be there?”

Alec nodded, hesitant to say anything else. Luckily, Jace spoke just fine.

“And I will. If you and Magnus want me there, I will be.”

Relieved that he hadn’t had to ask, not really, Alec smiled and swallowed the lump that had begun to build in his throat. “I’m sure Magnus would like it too.”

“Are we going mom and Luke’s place?”

They hadn’t discussed the details, but Alec liked the thought of not having everyone else tiptoe around and waiting for the inevitable jelling or slamming of a door.

“Maybe it would be best. Catarina said it would be fine to portal, but maybe it would actually be good to walk.” Alec missed the streets of New York. He’d only been to the park outside since he came home and he was going a bit stir-crazy.

* * *

Alec felt Magnus’s fingers lacing with his own as he hesitated in front of the door for a little too long. “We’re bringing good news, remember that.”

With a small nod he looked back at Jace and took in his reassuring smile.

“Good.” Magnus turned Alec’s face towards himself with a firm hand on his chin. “Now, kiss me.”

Alec chuckled and leaned in for a short but calm kiss.

“Better?”

“Yeah.” Alec smiled and Magnus nodded demanding but encouraging to the door. Alec took a deep breath before he turned and knocked at the door.

Maryse was surprised as she opened the door, but ecstatic to see her son and son-in-law for the first time in months. She greeted them with hugs, Jace too and quickly, she got them all inside and seated in the living area.

She didn’t sit down herself. “Do you want anything? Luke is making dinner but he can make more or we can order in.”

Magnus, who was sitting in a small couch next to Alec took one of his hands in both of his and shook his head kindly. “Thanks for offering but we don’t need anything. We actually came to tell you something.”

Suddenly it was like Maryse picked up on Alec’s nervousness, and it made it so much harder to fight it. She sat down calmly and looked at him. “Okay. What is it?”

Alec looked at Magnus for help. Why hadn’t they practiced this? Not that the thought that he would remember anything anyway. Magnus smiled and looked quickly to Jace in the armchair next to the one his mom was sitting in. “Maybe Luke could join us?”

Why would that make it better? Alec wasn’t sure what Magnus was trying to do and he shook his head at him. Not to dispute the idea but to indicate that he didn’t understand.

“It might be better if they’re two. It’s a lot of information to get straight and remember. Besides, he should hear it from us anyway.”

“Magnus?” Maryse spoke louder and Alec held on a bit tighter to Magnus’s hands. “Alec? What’s going on?”

With a smile only to try and calm the situation, Magnus shot a short look at the half closed kitchen door. Maryse looked the same way. “Luke get in here!”

Luke bursted through the opening as if he thought the room as filled with demons and was clearly as relieved as he was surprised to see the three men sitting in the room.

“Hey! Good to see you.” Luke passed around hugs and pulled over a dining room chair to sit next to Maryse. He looked at her with question marks shining in his eyes and a huge smile. “I’m happy to see them too, but you scared me half to death yelling like that.”

Maryse took his hand on the armrest of her chair and looked at Alec. “Alec? Tell me now. Is it Izzy?”

“No.” Jace reached over and took her shoulder. “Izzy is fine. Everyone is.”

She looked long and hard at Jace and it was clear that she believed him when she nodded and turned back to Alec.

The confusion on Luke’s face wasn’t important, it would only get worse in a minute. The fear in his mom’s eyes were unbearable. Alec knew it was his job to fix it. He knew it was his place to tell her. He took a deep breath and forced a smile.

“Mom, it’s okay. Nothing is wrong.”

Maryse studied Alec’s face for a second before looking at Magnus and Jace. She seemed kinda reassured but only more confused.

“If nothing is wrong why can’t you just say it?”

“He can.” Magnus’s voice was light and almost cheery and Alec couldn’t help but smile when he looked at him. Alec nodded at him and kept the smile on as he looked back at his mom.

“Mom…” He quickly looked at Jace and got a supportive nod. “Mom, you’re going to be a grandma.”

Maryse’s shoulders dropped several inches, and as she exhales what seemed like all the air in her lungs, her hand on Luke’s loosened so he had to take it to keep it one the armrest.

“You…” She looked at Magnus for a short second and then she found Alec’s eyes. “You’re going to have a child?”

The pure astonishment and joy on his mom’s face and voice had Alec bite his lip as he nodded.

“By the Angel.” She only whispered the words under a long exhale. She reached over the coffee table and Alec let go of Magnus to offer her both of his hands. She was shaking, trembling almost and Alec realized that he was the one who should make the trip around the table. Still holding both of his mother’s hands he walked to her side and kneeled down on both knees.

She bit her lip and when the first tear fell, she leaned down and hugged Alec tight. “Alec… I’m so happy for you. You’ll be amazing.”

She slowly sat up and caressed Alec’s cheek with her hand, as he don’t remember her doing since he was a kid, before she looked smiling and teary eyed as Magnus. “You both will.”

The smile on Magnus’s face almost distracted Alec from seeing that he too was tearing up. Alec loved that Magnus and his mom had become so close. Magnus may be hundreds of years old, but he deserved the love of a parent. He hadn’t had enough of that in his long life. Maybe it was the reason that Alec couldn’t completely enjoy the moment. He loved that his mom got so happy, but this could jeopardize everything. Magnus had told him that he was overthinking everything again, they al had, but Alec still had a nagging feeling that his mom would be too terrified that it would pan out in anger, mostly towards Magnus.

After Luke had hugged both Alec and Magnus and Maryse had hugged and congratulated Magnus too, Magnus asked for them to sit again. Alec sat down closer to Magnus than before and was grateful for the arm around his lower back.

Maryse’s eyes were shining and sitting on the edge of the seat, she looked as if she had a thousand questions. Probably most about when and how. The first one was easy enough to answer.

Luke broke the silence. “Are you adopting? Is it final or are you just now planning to?”

Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec took his free hand and shook his head. Magnus looked almost proud, definitely relieved that Alec would be the one to tell them. They both agreed that it should be, Alec just hadn’t been sure he was able to.

“We’re not adopting. But it’s definitely final.” He smiled as he saw the grin on Jace’s face. It had been a smart move to bring him. “We’re not using a surrogate either.”

It took a second before Luke and Maryse had caught up and realized that there was no obvious third option. Maryse looked at Luke and they both shook their heads in confusion before looking back at Alec.

“Okay.” Alec took a deep breath and watched his mother tense, clearly able to read him like an open book. “We used magic. We found a way to…” His throat closed and he looked at Magnus for help. Magnus only held him tighter and nodded for him to go on.

After a deep breath, Alec gathered enough courage to look his mother in the eyes again. “Magnus was able to make it so the baby has both of our DNA. No one else was involved and I…” Alec felt himself getting dizzy as his mother’s eyes got wider in surprise. “…I’m the one who is pregnant.”

The room was quiet. Maryse squinted as she’d heard it wrong and Luke looked from one man to the other as if he was trying to find some one who couldn’t hold the laughter back.

“Wait…” Luke must have given up the search. “That’s not possible.”

“We didn’t think so either, but we found someone who has done it.” Magnus rubbed Alec’s back but Alec only saw the message sink in slowly with his mom. She seemed to slowly come to terms with that they would never make up a lie like that.

Alec swallowed and leaned forward to catch his mother’s gaze. “Mom?”

Everyone in the room waited in what seemed like forever for her to respond. When she did she sat up straight and looked Alec in the eyes. “You’re pregnant?”

Alec nodded. It was easy to build a smile, even now, he couldn’t help loving the thought of him being pregnant. “Yes, mom. I am.”

“How far?”

Astonished by the question and calm voice, Alec looked to Luke, but he’d clearly decided that he should just be on the sideline for the rest of this conversation.

Alec did the math quickly. Today is six days since… “Three months today?” He looked at Magnus and he nodded as he came to the same result.

Maryse looked at Magnus and otherwise didn’t move a muscle. “Magnus. Explain.”

Alec instinctively wrapped his arms around Magnus’s upper back and held him tight. Magnus only smiled at him though, and then calmly began to explain everything from the start. Albeit a little less detailed.

Alec sat in silence, looking from Jace who hadn’t heard all of this either and to his mom, who’s only reaction was that her face seemed to get slowly more firm as did her hands folded in her lap.

Magnus ended with explaining that they’d taken three pregnancy tests and that Catarina had said that everything was good and that they were going back to see her tomorrow.

Alec had hoped to see the babies sooner but Catarina had suggested that they waited with the checkup till after this, if Maryse wanted to be there for the ultrasound. Right now he didn’t see that happening.

“Maryse?” Magnus tried with his still optimistic voice. “Is there anything else you want to know?”

Out of nowhere, she stood up, surprising even Luke. “Magnus. Leave.”

“Mom!” Alec stood up and grabbed Magnus’s hand tight with both of his.

Maryse walked to the other side of the room turning her back to all of them. “It’s best that you leave.” She was clearly struggling to control her breathing. “In fact. You should all leave; I want to talk to Alec alone.”

Alec held on tighter to Magnus. “You don’t get that choice!”

“It’s fine.” Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek and made him look at him. It was clear that Magnus tried to reassure Alec that it was all okay, but he wasn’t fooling anyone; Magnus was hurt. “Talk to your mom. I’ll be outside.”

Alec shook his head but didn’t fight Magnus as he took his hand from him. Magnus kissed his cheek and on his way out he put a hand on Jace’s shoulder. Alec heard clearly what he said, but he didn’t think the words reached his mom. “Stay. She might accept that. If not you both leave.”

It was excruciating to have Magnus ask Jace to protect him from what his mom might say, but it also felt good. Like he had backup and Magnus was right, she might let Jace stay.

Magnus gestured for Luke to follow and the two of them let the room.

“That was uncalled for!” Alec stepped closer but stopped at the small start of a word from Jace behind him. “Mom! Magnus and I are both in this.”

Maryse didn’t move. Only her breathing had changed. Slower, less agitated. Alec frowned and automatically calmed his voice a bit. “Mom, are you okay?”

She turned around and immediately laid her teary eyes on Jace. “What did I say?!” Her voice cracked, but not in anger.

All Alec’s fear was gone and he was taken over by a need to protect his mom and comfort her. He’d feared that he would hurt her, and he had. He took her hand and shoulder and looked into her eyes. “Jace needs to be here. For both of us.”

She swallowed hard and looked quickly at Jace before nodding and Alec. Alec pulled her in to a hug and rubbed her back as he felt her hold him tighter than when she was overjoyed only half an hour ago. “I’m okay. Magnus and Catarina agrees that it’s safe.”

Maryse let go and cupped his face with both hands. “You’re absolutely sure?”

Alec nodded and when she looked over his shoulder he turned and watched Jace confirm it too as he walked up to them. Jace took Maryse’s shoulder and smiled at her. “I freaked out too. Not like this though. I thought for sure they had both lost their minds.”

He grinned at Alec and then gestured for them all to sit. Maryse sat down next to Alec in the couch and took his hand in both of hers as she looked at Jace. “I thought that for a second too.”

“No.” Jace shook his head and smiled. “I was absolutely sure for more than just a second. The poison had Magnus all worked up earlier and maybe…”

Alec cleared his throat, but not in time for Jace to stop.

Maryse sat up straight and looked from one brother to the other. “Poison?”

Alec closed his eyes trying, with a sow sigh, to accept that Jace had just outed both himself and Magnus.

“Jace?!” Maryse looked straight at him, not letting him off for a second.

“Okay…” Jace leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees and looked down at his hands. “Magnus and I got hurt on a hunt and he poison from the demon took away his powers and my runes didn’t work.”

Maryse looked at Alec and shook her head. “Why wouldn’t you tell me that?”

Alec almost failed in hiding a chuckle. Their mom had always been extremely protective, and when she couldn’t do anything, she at least demanded to know everything, making sure everyone who could help did. That over-protectiveness now over-shined the fact that her son was growing a child inside as they spoke, but it also made it clear why she had acted as she did before.

“Magnus panicked… bad.” Alec looked quickly as Jace lifted his head and then concentrated on his mother. “I need Magnus’s magic to give birth and when he thought he’d lost it, he begged Catarina to help me.”

Alec realized that he was building tears and swallowed to continue. “He was begging Jace to make her. He was frantic and we couldn’t even tell him that it wasn’t permanent. He only calmed down when Catarina promised to help me. She didn’t even know with what.”

“I’m…” She bit her lip and looked down.

Alec wrapped his hands around hers and breathed in to continue, but Jace beat him to it. “After that they told me and then the others. Then it was just a big mess and we wanted to wait till we both were healed up.”

Maryse looked up at Jace. “And you are now…? Healed?”

He walked around the table, sat down on it and placed a calm hand on Maryse’s shoulder. “Magnus was this morning, Izzy says that I will be in a few days.”

She looked long and hard at Jace, before silently accepting it as the truth. She looked at Alec and shook her head slowly as new tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I know Magnus will do anything for you.”

Alec smiled softly at her. “I know you trust him. He does too.”

She looked at the door only a second before she walked to it. She breathed in deep, enough for Alec to see her shaking a little still, before opening it and stepping back to let the two men in.

Magnus looked first at Alec, and was clearly instantly reassured by his smile.

“I’m sorry, Magnus.” She looked down at her hands fiddling in front of her. “I got scared.”

Alec hadn’t foreseen that admission and from the looks of it, Luke and Magnus hadn’t either. Magnus put his hands around Maryse’s and made them still. “He’s your son. You’re allowed to get scared.”

She looked up and retaliated Magnus’s smile. “I guess you will know how it feels soon.”

“I guess I will. I’m sure I already have.” Magnus looked at Alec and sighed through his smile.

“So...” Maryse’s voice was clearly one to try and lighten the mood. “Do you know the gender?”

Magnus’s eyes widened and he looked surprised at Alec. “You haven’t told her?”

Ignoring the joyous anticipation radiating from Jace, Alec shook his head. “No, we haven’t been in here that long… and I thought I’d leave some news for you to tell.”

Alec leaned back in the couch with a huge grin joining Jace in watching the scene unfold.

Magnus swallowed and took a step back. As if Luke had just woken from a trance he came all the way into the room and stood next to Maryse.

“We got an ultrasound, but Catarina couldn’t see yet.” He picked one of the small photos from his pocket and they all heard Maryse gasp as she grabbed Luke’s hand.

Magnus hesitated and Alec wanted to spring up and just show them, but he didn’t do that. This was Magnus’s family too.

“Maybe you should sit.” Magnus looked at the armchairs but Maryse just slowly took his hands and looked him in the eyes.

“Is there something wrong?” She didn’t sound worried; more encouraging actually.

Magnus shook his head fast.

“Then I prefer to stand. Let us see.” She smiled and bit by bit Magnus did to. He slowly loosened his arm and handed over the small gray and white picture.

“Is it the one with…?” Alec didn’t have time to ask if it was the one with marks for Baby A and Baby B before he saw shock on his mother’s face all over again.

Luke took the photo from her and looked at it closely as she grabbed Magnus’s shoulders. “I can’t handle a joke right now, Magnus.”

Controlled and strong Magnus took Maryse’s shoulders too and looked her in the eyes. “I know.”

Jace and Alec stood up simultaneously and walked to their mom. She took moved a hand to Alec’s shoulder and shook her head. “I would like to sit now.”

“Sure.” Jace moved over one of the chairs and she sat down. She looked up at Magnus and Alec. “You two are going to kill me.”

Alec sat one the armrest and hugged her mom close to his side. Magnus hunched down in front of them and put a hand on Alec’s knee. With Jace’s hand landing on his shoulder too he didn’t need to seek more support before he took his mom’s hand and placed it flat on his loose shirt.

She gasped and looked up at him and then held her hand firmer on his belly. “Oh… Alec.” She looked at her hand and breathed even deeper when Magnus placed his hand on top of it.

“This didn’t kill you…” Magnus looked jokingly at Alec before locking eyes with Maryse again. “so, may I dare to suggest that you join us tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” She looked at Alec, clearly confused that Magnus was asking if she’d come to the dinner that had been planned for weeks.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Alec took her hand from his stomach and held it in his. “_Before_ the dinner. Catarina is coming to check on the babies before we go back to Idris. We thought you should be there for the ultrasound.”

Maryse’s eyes overflowed in seconds and she only nodded and hummed a positive as an answer. Magnus stood up and hugged her tight and Maryse pulled Alec into the hug too. As Alec entered the awkward but comfortable hug, he didn’t notice Jace’s hand disappearing from his shoulder until Jace spoke to Luke from the other side of the room.

“What were you cooking? I think they all need food soon.”

Alec heard Luke laughing and sat up in time to see him look at the picture still in his hand and shake his head. “Yeah, and I need a drink.”

Jace chuckled. “I know the feeling.”

Luke laid a hand on Jace’s shoulder and turned him towards the kitchen door. “I think we should order something. There’s not enough for five.”

Magnus grabbed Alec’s arms and laughed. “There wouldn’t be enough for two if Alec is one of them.”

Alec just sighed and shook his head, and concentrated on his mom’s hand holding his and her thumb brushing over the back of his palm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love when Jace is the strong and funny one and he got to be that here, but for you softies out there (me included); I promise plenty of Jace-feels in the next chapter. ;-)
> 
> Side note: Today I somehow ended up using over an hour looking up meanings for baby names. (I'm glad I'm the only one using this laptop) I'm pretty sure I've decided everything now though.


	15. A strong character is many things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family and especially Alec and Magnus are getting to know their little ones a little better. As the two little ones, and thereby Alec's belly, groves, they has to make a choice about who, when and how to tell the rest of the world. Including the people who has most to say about their future in Alicante.

Maryse was a whole different person the next day. Joyful and happy to meet everyone with hugs, but Jace couldn’t help but notice how she changed around Alec. When he was near she slowed everything down and spoke softer. Her hug was clearly softer too and when she looked at him her eyes were sparking. It was like she was more motherly, Jace wasn’t sure if that made sense, but he’d only seen her look at someone like that when Max was a baby.

Jace felt different from last night too. After Maryse had asked all the questions she needed to make sense of it all, dinner had been good. Jace had been able to lower his shoulders and just be a brother and a son without worrying about secrets in the family. Today he was uneasy, and he couldn’t figure out why. Everyone knew, everyone who had a meaning they cared about anyway. Alec and Magnus seemed almost intoxicated by happiness and love. Clary had listened quietly as he’d told her about the reveal and they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms; he wasn’t sure who slept first. Izzy had been overjoyed and she and Simon seemed to be lacing fingers and giggling everywhere Jace looked. Everything was good, even perfect. So why did he have a knot in his stomach which grew bigger every minute? After poking at his breakfast with the fork for twenty minutes it was almost getting painful.

Everyone was slowly gathering and automatically moving slowly closer to the medical ward. It was like something in there drew them like a magnet as soon as Catarina had arrived, even though Alec and Magnus hadn’t come out to join them yet.

“You okay? You look pale.” Izzy spoke quiet, maybe to not alert everyone around them. Only Simon heard and saw how she looked investigative at Jace.

Jace he quickly nodded and smiled at her. “I’m fine. It got late last night, that’s all.”

It was clear that she was still keeping an eye on him, but she didn’t press the issue further and the same second Alec and Magnus joined them.

“Why haven’t you gone in?” Magnus asked with his normal cheerful voice. “Catarina won’t mind.”

He opened the door and showed the whole family inside. Jace hesitated and didn’t even notice that Alec stopped next to him.

“Why are you nervous?”

Jace kept his eyes looking forward into the room. “I’m not. I’m just tired after yesterday.”

He knew it was pointless to hide anything from Alec, but he didn’t need to worry him too, especially since he didn’t know what was going on.

“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to.” Alec laid a hand on Jace’s shoulder and made him look at him. “What’s going on? You know I’m fine so it has to be something else.”

With a slow sigh, Jace shook his head and sent his brother a weak smile. “I don’t know yet. It’s probably nothing.”

It seemed as Alec accepted that as he pushed Jace gently into the room.

* * *

The head of the bed was elevated so Alec was almost sitting. He’d taken his mother’s slightly shaking hand as soon as he was settled and she seemed to calm a bit from it. Jace stood next to her, maybe to not feel like the only one a bit nervous, although it seemed like Maryse’s shaking was mostly from excitement.

Izzy had jumped to the chance of standing by Alec’s other shoulder and close to the screen where the babies would soon be showing. Clary stood next to Jace and Simon next to her. Magnus had settled for a spot by Alec’s lower legs behind Catarina. This seemed more like a showing for the family than a private moment for the two. Jace figured that they’d already had that and would get many more before the babies were ready to come out.

With only a smile, Catarina let Alec know that she was ready, and he pulled his shirt up to show the small but distinct bump.

“You know the drill.” Catarina waited for Alec to nod before putting some kind of gel in his stomach and then pressing the plastic device on him.

At first it was only a gray mess, but soon they could all see the shape of a baby. Jace heard his mom let out a small gasp as she covered is grip on Alec’s hand with her free palm.

“This is baby A.” Catarina announced as it there was nothing spectacular about it.

Jace stared at the image and felt his lungs tighten and keep his last breath captive inside. Everything but the screen disappeared in an unimportant blur and he wasn’t sure if his was standing or falling. No one reacted to him, so he guessed that he was still on his feet, but he was sure that would soon change. There was much more to see and hear.

Catarina turned something Jace didn’t really see and the sound of a fast beating heart filled the room. No knowing why, but not caring for the reason, his knees shook and he forced himself to heave in air to regain some kind of control.

“Jace?” Alec spoke quietly. “Mom…”

Maryse wrapped a secure arm around him. Anchored in her hold he wasn’t sure he needed the chair placed behind him or Clary’s hands on his upper arm and shoulder.

“Jace?” Clary sounded worried, but Jace could do nothing but look at the baby and follow the women as they sat him down. His mother’s arm held tighter around his shoulders as she sat down next to him.

“Jace, do you need water?” Catarina had turned the sound down, but luckily not enough for him to not to hear it. He shook his head and nodded at the screen.

Maryse gathered her two boys’ hands and covered the grip with her free hand.

Alec squeezed Jace’s hand and told Catarina to continue.

Not long after, Catarina introduced them all to the second baby and let them hear the heartbeat from that one too. Jace swallowed hard a few times before he had to give in and let a tear roll over his cheek. Maryse, must have felt his breathing change, because she promptly moved her hand from his shoulder to his head and pushed him gently in to rest his temple on her shoulder.

Jace had nothing left to fight with and let his tears flow freely. His free hand was picked up and only after a few strokes over the back of his palm with a light thumb, did he recognize the gesture as Clary’s.

The sound was turned down and it felt like Jace lost the sensation of his own heart.

“Alec… Magnus.” Catarina talked clear and joyful. “One of the babies is lying so I can see clearly. Do you want to know the gender?”

Alec’s hand held on tighter and Jace tore his blurry gaze from the screen and directed it at Alec. He was looking at Magnus and somehow it seemed as there was miles between them. Alec’s lip quivered and a second wave of tears blocked Jace from seeing anything than shadows moving as Izzy stepped back a little to make room for Magnus. Magnus took Alec’s free hand and leaned in for a slow kiss. With only inches between their faces Jace could make out their smiles and soon he hear their small laughs as they both nodded.

Jace blinked away his tears as the two men kissed again and Magnus stood straight. Alec turned his head and looked at Jace and his mom sitting next to him.

“Mom…? Jace?” He was only whispering and Jace couldn’t figure out if he was nervous or excited. It was all clouded by his own sensitivity to it all.

“Alec.” Maryse’s hand laid heavier on their hands as she leaned in a bit, still holding Jace to her shoulder. “Do you want us here?”

Magnus wrapped his free arm around Izzy and pulled her close to Alec again. “Of course.”

Alec breathed in deep and looked at Catarina. He nodded; it seemed as he wasn’t able to answer any other way.

“Okay.” Catarina moved the device a little to focus the image of the second baby. “Baby B is a girl.”

* * *

Maryse had shed tears of her own as she kissed Alec’s forehead. Izzy hugged Alec and Magnus without a word; Jace was sure she was going to cry too if she tried to. With a huge smile, Simon had congratulated Alec and Magnus and taken Izzy’s hand as she walked out of the room arm in arm with her mother. Catarina had handed Alec a towel to clean with and hugged Magnus before she left too.

Alec held on to Jace’s hand still. Luckily he didn’t need to stand right this moment; he wasn’t sure he was able to. Jace had not let go of Clary’s hand. Somehow he needed her caressing finger on his palm.

Alec swung his legs over the side of the table and let his other hand join the hold on Jace’s.

“You’re not nervous anymore.”

Jace shook his head. Alec was right. The knot in his stomach was gone, only his shaking hands and knees were left.

“Jace. What happened?”

“I’m not sure.” Jace looked down at their hands and was surprised to see Magnus’s hand join them. Jace had not even noticed that he’d sat down next to him.

“Jace.” Magnus put his other hand on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure he’d been this close to Magnus before, but it wasn’t weird. “Were you scared how you’d react to this?”

Clary’s thumb stopped moving for a second and when she started again, it was with a bit heavier pressure. It was it. Magnus had read him better than Alec. How the hell did that happen? Maybe Alec had enough to deal with, with all the others. It must be exhausting to have so many people reacting differently.

“Hey?” Magnus turned to look at him and Jace found himself retaliating the move. “It doesn’t happen often, but whenever Alec can’t figure out what is going on with you, I worry about you too. I tend pay more attention when that is.”

Jace looked from one guy to the other and soon found Alec smiling from ear to ear. “So, he’s right? You were scared you would cry?”

“No.” Jace frowned and looked quickly to Clary, who looked just as confused as the other two. “I wasn’t. I don’t care about that right now.”

Alec leaned down a bit to study Jace’s face. “Then what?”

Surprised by Alec’s assumption, Jace shook his head lightly as he spoke. “I was scared that I wouldn’t feel anything. I’m happy for you of course, but what if I didn’t feel anything for the kids you’re having?”

Alec chuckled as he stood up and pulled Jace to his feet. “Well, we don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“I guess not.” Jace laughed and hugged Alec tight and Magnus after.

“I need to ask you something. Both of you.” Alec’s face suddenly turned serious and Magnus took one of his hands in both of his, as if to support him.

Jace’s heart skipped a beat and his lungs was building pace, as Alec asked him and Clary to sit on the chairs and Magnus pulled over two for him and Alec too.

As they all sat down, Magnus took Alec’s hand again and nodded at him to continue. Jace felt his brother’s nervousness but was reassured that he was neither sad nor scared. Clary laced her fingers with Jace’s and took a deep breath before she broke the silence.

“What is it Alec? You know we’ll do anything.”

Alec smiled at her. “Of course. I know that. That’s why I’m asking.” Alec locked eyes with Jace and sent him a nervous smile. “Over the last few days Magnus and I have been planning… we’ve figured out how we want the birth to go.”

Jace frowned in slight confusion and clear impatience. He looked at Magnus and thankfully he took over. “Every book we’ve read, Catarina too, says that we should have a birth plan. So that we agrees about everything and knows what to do when the time comes. We wants to do it at home and Alec only want’s me in the room.”

Magnus paused. It seemed to Jace that there had been some kind of discussion about how much help they needed. But it made sense; Magnus would have wanted all the backup in the world. Catarina and probably a doctor too, but Alec wasn’t going to let anyone see him like that. Only Magnus.

“Jace.” Alec cleared his throat. “I’ve already asked so much of you… with mom. But we wanted to ask you to be in the next room with Izzy. We want you there… _I_ want you there.”

Once again, Jace’s heart skipped a beat. He held on a little tighter to Clary’s hand and she retaliated.

“I need your support, besides…” A soft smile spread over Alec’s face. “We don’t know how all of this will affect you. “You have to be close for both of our sakes.”

Jace leaned in and put a hand on Alec’s forearm and looked him in the eyes. “Of course I’ll be there.” Jace was surprised that Alec had worried about asking him that. “Izzy will too. I’m sure you couldn’t put up wards strong enough to keep her away… me neither.”

“Thanks.” Alec grabbed Jace’s shoulder for a second and then leaned back, letting Jace do the same. “Catarina and the book agrees that I’ll most likely feel a few contractions before and maybe have a few false alarms, so don’t come every time. We’ll call you when it’s real.”

Jace laughed. “Sure. As long as I’m not next you our sister or mom. I swear they can see it on me before I even know what is going on… This one too.” He wrapped an arm around Clary’s back and squeezed her tight.

“What about your mom?” It sounded to Jace that Clary didn’t really wanted to ask. He got it. It was kinda a loose end but it was a touchy subject too.

“That’s where you come in Biscuit.” Magnus sat on the edge of the chair and looked at Clary. “We hoped that you and Simon would go to Maryse and Luke’s and keep in contact over the phone.”

Jace could feel Clary relax. She had to be relieved that she had something to do as well.

“Of course we will.” She leaned in and took Alec’s hand. “We haven’t had a moment like this for you to hear it…” Jace heard Clary’s voice shake. “I think it’s amazing what you are doing and I’m so happy for you.”

Jace observed his brother as he took in the message from a teary-eyed Clary. A second later, Alec stood up and pulled Clary up for a hug. “Thank you.”

* * *

“Again with the brownies?” Magnus sighed as he walked into the kitchen. “Please tell me that you’ve eaten something else today… anything else.”

Alec closed the oven and dropped the oven-mitt on the surprisingly clean counter-top. “I have. All of three meals, and I haven’t had any brownies either. And don’t start with the weight thing. You know I’m working out still.”

“I won’t. I see your sweaty clothes in the basket every day.” Magnus walked up next to Alec and looked him in the eyes. “You’re careful, right?”

With a smile Alec turned towards him and seemed to slow everything down. “I am. Magnus, you know that. I’m not doing any heavy lifting and no fight training. Catarina said that cardio would be good as long as I feel good.” He took Magnus’s shoulder lightly. “Magnus, I feel good.”

It was clear that Alec was telling the truth. He looked better than he’d done in a long time. Eating right, sleeping enough, and taking care of himself but exercising and cutting down on work. Magnus looked over the kitchen. Alec had cleaned and put everything away. Only the bowl from where he’d just poured the batter was on the table. Alec must have made that same recipe every other day for the two weeks after they got back home from New York.

“What happened to all the mess?” Magnus jumped up to sit on the kitchen island. “Normally, there would be an ass-print on the counter now.”

Alec laughed and graced a hand slowly over Magnus’s jaw. “I’m practicing.”

“Practicing for what exactly? The annual Clave bake-off?”

A huge smile spread on Alec’s face. “Just imagine if that was a thing.”

He made room for himself between Magnus’s knees and stood front against the counter as he kissed Magnus’s forehead. “No, I’m practicing to follow a recipe and not messing everything up and eating the food half way through. What better way to do that than with the only thing I almost can’t bear to put in the own?”

Half laughing, half surprisingly turned on, Magnus wrapped his arms loosely around Alec’s back. “I get that… and I appreciate that. But why now? You haven’t seemed to care about any of that before.”

With a slight shake of his head, Alec cupped both Magnus’s cheeks with light hands and looked him in the eyes. “With all the work you have at the moment and all the days I have been able to cut short, I figured it was only fair that I am the one to get everything perfect next week.”

A rush of warmth washed away all trace of confusion and Magnus sighed before he leaned into Alec’s hold on his chin and kissed the palm of his hand. Of course Alec would have spent his forced free time to prepare their second wedding anniversary. 

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“I do.”

Magnus looked up at laughing eyes and their lips met in a slow and deep connection.

* * *

Alec had a lot to get ready before the anniversary in five days. Not only preparations but work too. He’d been able to cut some days short and work from home, as Catarina had said. But some days, like today, were made up of meetings and he had to stuff what little work he could in between. After two video-call meetings Alec had half an hour to himself before the council meeting. Everything had become a lot easier after Alec had stopped being sick all the time. All the cancelled meetings, him working home so much and Magnus’s daily visits hadn’t gone by unnoticed but everything seemed to have settled now.

The council meetings was difficult for him to get through though. Lydia and Helen was there. They both knew what he was trying to do and he was sure Helen was suspecting that they’d had luck when she and Magnus had to take care of him in the office over three months ago. She wasn’t wrong. He didn’t know what, or if, she’d told Lydia or Aline. He was pretty sure she hadn’t but it still seemed as if all three of them was letting their looks linger on him.

Alec looked up from the papers and let himself rest back in the chair for a minute. He put his palm on his belly and looked down himself. It wouldn’t be long before he had to tell everyone. He was sure that no one would notice anything unless they already knew but still, he only took of his jacket what he was sitting behind the desk. He turned his hand a little and looked at the watch. Ten more minutes and he had at least an hour of work lying in front of him. He had to stay late today. Quickly he leaned over the files and graced through them to find one he could sign off on in the timeframe he had, just to get something done.

“Ready?” Helen was in the doorway.

He looked at his watch again. Two minutes. He’d not even read the headline on two works. Where the hell did the time go?

“Yeah. I’ll be right there.” He smiled and pushed himself from the table and turned the chair all the way around before standing. His head felt light and the room spun a full round before he could grab pillar behind his desk.

Helen’s hand was on his shoulder before he knew that he needed the support. “Are you alright, sir?”

He chuckled and straightened his back as he pushed her away slowly. “I told you not to call me that when we’re alone; it’s weird.”

“The door is open.”

Helen spoke jokingly, but still looked slightly worried when she handed him his jacket. Alec took it but took an extra second to gather himself before letting go of the pillar and a deep breath before moving an arm over his head to get the other arm in the sleeve. Before his hand was halfway through the pathway he lost sight of Helen and everything below his knees disappeared. His last thought was not to soften the fall or to protect his head from hitting the pillar, but only to wrap his arms around the two babies he was carrying.

* * *

“Alec…?” Helen spoke softly as Alec slowly let more light into this eyes. “Alec, can you hear me?”

Alec hummed and moved a hand towards the pain on the back of his head, but Helen stopped him. “Don’t. You hit your head. Can I activate your iratze?”

“No!” Alec’s head pounded from the outburst but he found Helen’s wrist and held it tight. “No runes. No magic.”

It took a second for Alec’s eyes to focus enough, but as soon as they did, he saw her nodding with a soft smile.

“Alexander?!”

Magnus was by his side before the portal had closed behind him. “What happened?” He looked up and down Alec’s body, still lying awkwardly crooked on the floor. “How do you feel? Are you okay? Did you fall…?”

Alec quickly cupped Magnus’s cheek with a hand and looked him in the eyes. He took a big slow breath before speaking. “Love. I’m alright, just got dizzy for a moment.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand from his cheek and kissed it. He held it to his own chest while he let his eyes linger at Alec’s belly then looking him in the eyes again. “And…?”

Alec pushed himself up against the pillar, ignoring his head aching and that the dizziness was still there. “Everything is fine. You’re overreacting.”

“I’m not.” Magnus took Alec’s chin and turned his head a bit to get a better look at the spot sending a drop of blood down behind Alec’s ear. “My husband just dropped to the floor. My pre…”

Magnus paused and let Alec turn his head back to look at Helen. She sighed and placed a light hand on Magnus’s shoulder while keeping her smiling eyes at Alec. “I know.”

“You do?” Alec was confused, but the pit in his stomach came from horror.

“Yes, Alec. I’m sure Lydia and I are the only ones. I haven’t told Aline.”

Alec didn’t know how to continue and Magnus seemed more concerned about him and the babies still to be shocked about the news.

Helen stood up and offered Alec her hand. “Can you walk to the couch so we can get a look at that cut?”

Alec nodded and with her and Magnus’s help he fought the dizziness that had only gotten worse from hitting his head and moved silently to sit in the couch. Magnus sat down next to him and seemingly without thinking about it, he took Alec’s hand and placed his other on Alec’s belly.

“Why did you fall? Did you pass out? Are… are you sure they’re okay?”

Alec lifted their joined hands and kissed Magnus’s as he looked him deep in the eyes. “We’re fine. I just got too busy, I forgot to drink and eat enough.”

“I want Catarina to come look you over. No offense to your medical skills, Helen.” Magnus looked at her and Alec noticed him wonder. Alec followed his gaze and saw Helen had taken a step back. She looked as shocked as when he’d told her what he wanted to try, but without all the confusion and fear.

“It’s quite alright, Magnus.” She was hardly making sound. “Are you…? How many?”

Alec couldn’t help but chuckle and had to steady himself on the armrest to not let the room start spinning again. “I guess that’s out too. Don’t worry Helen, it’s only twins.”

In a second Helen was back in front of the couch and sat on the coffee table. She took Alec’s free hand and smiled as wide as Alec was sure his own smile was. “That’s amazing. Congratulations.”

“Thank you Helen.” Alec looked at his hand in hers for a second. She must have taken it the wrong way and pulled hers back, but he held on and kept the link. “Helen… how did you know?”

She shook her head and looked at Magnus’s hand on Alec’s belly. “Well, that. I guess it’s only me and Lydia who is in here when you take your jacket off and on. Everyone else only sees you behind the desk or with it on. Besides, why would they think anything that the stress of the job have made you put on a little weight?”

Alec could feel Magnus smiling and holding back a laugh.

“Perks of being a man, right?” Helen squeezed his hand a little before letting go and went for a glass of water and handed it to Alec. “Should I send for Catarina now?”

“Thanks.” Magnus broke off before Alec could make a word.

Helen clearly ignored his attempt to silently object and picked her stele from her pocket and sent a fire message.

“Magnus, it’s not necess…” Alec tried, but before he could finish a new portal opened and Catarina walked out.

Both Magnus and Helen seemed surprised to see her there so fast. “Did you send her the same message you sent me?” Magnus looked from one woman to the other.

“Of course not. It didn’t seem right to demand her presence like that. _Alec’s office, now._ Is hardly the right way to send for a doctor unless somebody is dying.”

Catarina laughed. “Yeah, thanks for that. That would surely have given me a heart attack.”

Helen excused herself and Catarina took her previous place on the table.

* * *

After checking Alec’s pulse, blood pressure and eyes, Catarina came to the same conclusion as Alec. He’d forgotten to eat enough. The wound on his head could luckily heal on it’s own and he was prescribed rest and an ice pack, and then the food he’d missed. Catarina had left with a promise of a home visit the next day, to make sure that he’s back to where she should be.

When she left Magnus stayed suspiciously quiet. Even when Alec apologized and time after time reassured him that he was okay; that all three of them were okay, Magnus only answered in short words and with nods.

“Magnus, what are you thinking? It can’t be this anymore.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand in both of his and look at them before he found Alec’s eyes. “But it _is_.” He smiled caringly and Alec saw the worry in his eyes clearly. “Alexander. This is only going to get worse.”

Alec didn’t understand. He shook his but Magnus continued before he could figure out if he should object or ask him to clarify.

“You are hiding that you’re pregnant. You are pressing yourself more than you should. You’re only trying to ignore that at some point you need to tell the council. Sometime soon.”

Alec pulled his hand instinctively, but Magnus held it tight and as Alec tried to find the words to tell Magnus that he was wrong, Magnus rubbed the back of his hand with both thumbs.

It was futile to try and find a way out of this. Magnus was right; people were going to notice soon and it would be better for his and the babies health if he didn’t have to hide it, but he had no idea how or if he could tell anyone. His family had been good about it. They had come around quickly, but they loved him and Magnus. This was work, this was politics, and how the council looks to the whole shadowworld comes before anything else.

“I know…” Alec swallowed a big lump and found the supportive and understanding eyes looking at him. “…but Magnus, I…” He shook his head as he didn’t know what to say and somehow felt that he’d already said it.

“We knew we had to eventually. Helen and Lydia will be there, backing you up.”

The scene of everyone around the table and him at the end flashed before his eyes and Alec felt his breath shaking. Magnus pulled him close and kissed his cheek before hugging him tight. “Let’s get Helen and Lydia in here. The meeting has already started without you, right?”

Alec sat back in a spit second and stared shocked at Magnus. “No.” It was only air but the word was loud still. He swallowed and cleared his voice. “Not now.”

“Why not, Alexander?”

Alec couldn’t answer that with everything but tears building in his eyes. Magnus kissed him slowly and pulled his phone from his pocket.

In a last attempt to push this further, Alec place his hand over the phone, but Magnus only took it slowly in his and found Helen’s number with his other hand.

“It’s time Alexander. You know that.”

Alec stifled and took a deep breath, forcing the salty water to retract. He nodded and held on tight to the hand in his as Magnus put the phone to his ear.

* * *

Magnus had interrupted the meeting half way in and asked that they took a break. Helen and Lydia had joined them in Alec’s office and after a short conversation where Magnus did all of Alec’s speaking, they had joined the meeting.

Alec had done the talking at the meeting, Magnus only answering when the questions was about magic and Lydia had supported Alec every time someone looked to her for confirmation that what Alec said was true.

After two and a half hours of questioning and explaining a senior member, a strict man, but one Alec always has seen as just, had suggested that the council should discuss the matter without Alec and Magnus there. Magnus had objected, but only shortly after Alec and taken his hand and stood up, telling him that it was the right way to do it.

Hiding that his lungs didn’t drew in air enough and that his legs were shaking, Alec had thanked them all for listening and excused himself and Magnus, well knowing that he was leaving them to decide if he was still fit to be the Inquisitor.

* * *

“You need to eat something. Cariño, please.”

“I ate last night, when Helen texted that they were going to continue today.” Alec dropped into the couch. “I know, I _need_ to. I know, I have to eat for tree and that Catarina will be here in ten minutes to tell me the same, but I can’t get anything down.”

Slow steps sounded behind him and two firm hands touched Alec’s shoulders and soon he couldn’t help but relax his breathing as the fingers hit every tense muscle.

“We don’t know how long it will take. They have been in meeting for almost three hours by now.” Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec’s temple before he walked around to sit next to him and handed him Alec’s phone.

“You might feel better it you use those ten minutes to call your farther and Max. They should know before everyone else.”

“You think I’ll get removed as Inquisitor, don’t you?” Alec’s words shook as he said it out loud for the first time. “Everyone will know then.”

“Alexander. Breathe.” Magnus wrapped Alec’s shaking hands around the phone and smiled softly. “We’ve told the rest of your family and we’ve told the council. It won’t be long before someone talks. They should hear it from you.”

Max and his dad was in Europe on training. Alec didn’t know exactly where they were at right this moment. A week ago they were in Croatia, or maybe it was Hungary.

By now Alec would have hoped that telling people was easier, but it wasn’t. His father was a proud man and, although he loves all of his children, Alec couldn’t help but think that it would have been better to call him after the council had made their decision.

Max had been overjoyed and had almost shaken the video chat from his dad’s hand when he heard that there were two babies. He’d grown so much the last year, but his mind was luckily still youthful and excitable. When Alec ended the call, he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t surprised that his dad hadn’t been angry or at least more shocked. Robert had only seemed concerned about Alec’s safety and health and the health of the babies. He’d hardly been interested about the council and when Alec and Magnus had reassured him that it was safe and Catarina was keeping a close eye on everything, Alec had seen only joy on his father’s face.

They had promised to stay in touch more, to keep them updated and to still Max’s flood of questions.

Before Magnus or Alec could answer the knock on the door, Catarina was already walking into the living room. Magnus took the phone and formed a frown as he stepped back with his arms folded over his chest.

Catarina gave him a quick look and then walked to take Magnus’s place in the couch next to Alec. “Well, that doesn’t indicate anything good. Haven’t you followed _any_ of my orders?”

“I have been drinking plenty.” Alec sighed and looked at the suddenly concerned look on Catarina’s face. “I’m sorry Catarina. I can’t eat anything right now.”

Catarina frowned and seemed to study Alec closer. “Is the nausea back?”

Alec’s phone rang in Magnus’s hand all of them directed their attention at it. “It’s Izzy. I’ll talk to her.”

Magnus and Alec shared a smile before he left the room and answered the room. Alec knew that Magnus wasn’t angry or even disappointed at him.

“Alec. Is everything alright here?” Catarina leaned in a bit to look at his lowered face better.

Alec tried to relax his smile and nodded. “We told the council yesterday. They’re still discussing my future. Jace must have told Izzy that I’m freaking out.”

“So that’s why you haven’t been eating today either?”

“I had dinner last night, but I can’t Catarina. I’m sorry. It’s just not possible to swallow anything but water.”

She nodded and took his hand. “Alright, let’s see what we can do about that. Do you know how long it could take?”

Alec shook his head and swallowed, desperately trying to keep his chin from shivering.

“It’s not like they have dealt with this before.” Magnus reentered the room. “Izzy and Jace are fine. A message from Helen came in. They have ruled that we haven’t broken any laws.”

“That’s good.” Catarina paused while Magnus sat on the armrest next to Alec and took his hand and shoulder. “Isn’t it?”

Alec forced a smile and squeezed Magnus’s hand, grateful to have him close again, and looked at Catarina. “Yes, but it’s still lot enough. The Clave needs an Inquisitor who is a good role model and a focused and reliable leader. They can remove me if they decide that I’m reckless or unsuited to be a leader.”

“They know you. I’ve told you that.” Magnus hugged Alec from the side and kissed his temple. “You’re never reckless and you’ve always been a great leader.”

“I’ll have to agree with Magnus on this.” Catarina smiled and padded his hand as she moved away from the couch. “Lie down and I’ll make sure you and the small ones are fine. Then we’ll talk about the food situation.”

Catarina checked everything like the day before and also listened to both Alec’s and the babies hearts. Magnus had managed to ask before Alec; Alec didn’t want to talk was she had the stethoscope on him. They both listed to both heartbeats and their hold on each other’s hands had only strengthened from it. Catarina lifted Alec’s hand and the bell from the stethoscope from his belly, but Alec placed it firmly back. He wasn’t letting go of the sound just yet.

“Alexander?” Magnus, who had kneeled down next to him, wiped a single tear from Alec’s cheek.

Catarina made sure the bell was on the right place again and then held her hand still on his, not to interfere with the sound. “Alec, Honey?”

For a few seconds, Alec had a break from the cruel reality he had found himself in. He had only him, Magnus and their babies. Their little baby-girl… he couldn’t wait to find out if the other was a girl or a boy. He didn’t care, he was just dying to know, and he knew Magnus felt the same way. Nothing but their family was important. Not the council, not the Clave. Not even the shadowhunters and the institutes. They could exile him and de-rune him, but they couldn’t take this away. His family.

As if Alec’s body suddenly caught up with his mind that he needed to feed these two miracles and he got incredibly hungry.

“I…” The word hurt in the stethoscope and he took it out of his ears and already missed the sound. “I can eat.” He squeezed Magnus’s hand and through glazed over eyes he found his husband’s blurry smile. “I can eat _a lot_.”

He heard Magnus’s relieved sigh and felt the heavy kiss on his forehead and then he was gone. “I’ll get right on that.”

* * *

Catarina had joined them for the huge lunch Magnus had conjured up in seconds. Not even Alec was hungry enough finish his plate. No one addressed the huge amount of food though; it was allowed and completely understandable for him to go a bit overboard in this situation.

Instead Alec kept the conversation about the babies and pregnancy, partially to not talk about work. Catarina had assured him that it was still okay to exercise. They had gone through his normal schedule and she’d crossed out the things that he shouldn’t do, like fighting and lift over certain amounts of weight. She’d promised to tell him when he should make further adjustments, but essentially it came down to what felt right. Magnus hadn’t seemed satisfied with that conclusion and Alec didn’t blame him. So far he’d been horrible at taking care of himself and the babies but now he had both Catarina and Magnus breathing down his neck and probably Helen and Lydia too.

Determined to not go down that strain of thoughts and end up picturing the council and everything else work-related he tried hard to find another topic, but Catarina beat him to it.

“So, have you felt them move yet?”

Alec’s eyes shot up at Magnus, who looked baffled to say the least. Magnus didn’t take his eyes of Alec as he spoke before Alec could answer. “Isn’t it too early?”

Catarina put her glass down and placed her elbows on the table. “A little. That’s why I didn’t ask earlier.”

Alec swallowed and Magnus clearly saw him hesitate. He moved his chair closer and took his hand on the table. “Why haven’t you told me?”

To Alec’s surprise, Magnus didn’t seem hurt, but only thrilled that they’d come this far.

“It hasn’t been that much and only in the last three days…”

“Three days?” Magnus’s hand shook and Alec held it firm with both of his.

“I can only feel them moving inside and not with my hands. I wanted to wait till you can feel them too.”

Magnus pulled his chair closer and took cradled Alec’s cheeks with both hands and kissed him deeply. With their foreheads against each other, Magnus moved a hand to Alec’s belly. “Are they moving now?”

Alec shook his head slightly, still keeping the contact with Magnus’s forehead, but Magnus broke off and put his other hand on the belly too. The bump was clear now, and Alec wasn’t sure how anyone could miss it, but Magnus’s hands still covered all of it.

Magnus sighed and looked to Catarina. “When…” He swallowed and looked down again.

Alec hissed his forehead and looked at the doctor and Magnus’s best friend on the other side of the table. “When will Magnus be able to feel our kids moving?”

“Since this is a first time pregnancy I would normally say that you have a few weeks to go, but with this one I just don’t know.”

Magnus didn’t move, but a few tears landed on Alec’s shirt and Alec lifted his face up to look at his glazed over eyes.

“Are you sad about that?” Alec was almost sure that that wasn’t it, but he had to ask.

Magnus bit his lip and shook his head. “No. I’m good. Just knowing that they are moving is unbelievable.”

Alec wiped away a single tear form Magnus’s cheek and kissed him lightly on his mouth. With a short kiss back Magnus leaned down and kissed Alec’s belly on top of the shirt. If Alec hadn’t felt something like it before he might have thought that he’d eaten too much. His hands quickly found Magnus’s and pressed them tight against himself. Magnus’s eyes jumped up at him.

“She moved.” Alec could hardly continue with Magnus looking at him with such amazement. “It felt like she made a full somersault in there. She almost kicked all the food up again.”

“Don’t do that…” Magnus spoke quietly to the belly cradled in his hands, and didn’t try to hide that he was crying. “…do you have any idea how difficult it was so get him to eat that?”

Alec chuckled and graced a finger along Magnus’s hairline before breathing deep and turning to Catarina, who was clearly fighting tears of her own.

“Catarina… can you give a best estimate about time. When will he feel that?”

Catarina looked at Magnus. “I’m sure he’s feeling everything right now. But honestly, I can’t do that. I can tell you that it might be sooner since your male-pelvis isn’t giving them a lot of room to hide and don’t forget that there’s two in there too. They doesn’t have a lot of room.”

“Thank God for male-pelvises, right?” Alec brushed his hand through Magnus’s hair and waited for him to sit back up. All three of them, knew that exactly that would become a problem later, but with Magnus’s joyous eyes looking at him like that, it wasn’t worth thinking about now.

“Wait, Alexander…?” Magnus seemed to have just realized that he didn’t understood what the hell was going on. “…how do you know which baby moved?”

“Well…” Alec stole a look to Catarina who only nodded for him to continue. “I know how they move and from looking at the ultrasound and listening to their hearts I figured out who is who.”

Alec moved Magnus’s one hand to the top of the belly. “This is Baby A. It’s the quiet one…” He moved the other hand to the side of his protruding belly. “…our little girl is the active one; a trouble maker for sure.”

Magnus laughed through his tears and leaned in to kiss Alec, but was interrupted buy Alec’s phone ringing.

They all looked at the lit up screen on the table. It was Helen’s name that showed up and Magnus quickly grabbed Alec’s one hand and protectively wrapped his other arm around Alec’s back. Alec smiled at him and shook his head lightly.

“It doesn’t matter.” He nodded at Catarina to get the phone and squeezed Magnus as tight as he held him.

Catarina let the phone lie on the table and turned on the speaker.

“Hello. Helen?”

“_Catarina? Is everything alright?_” Helen sounded worried and Alec couldn’t read her voice for good or bad news, but as soon as he heard it, he realized that although they would be just as happy without it, he really loved his job and didn’t want to let it go.

“Everything is good. I just checked in after yesterday. I have you on speaker, they’re both here.”

“Hi Helen.” Alec did his best imitation of being calm and professional.

“_Hi. Glad to hear that you’re okay. I’ll get right into it…_”

Alec took a big breath and couldn’t help but hold on tighter to Magnus.

“_…everyone agreed that you’re the best thing to happen for the shadowworld in decades, maybe centuries. The discussion was about how this was going to be perceived, and how and if it would be possible to back you up. As you know the council has to agree with the Inquisitor, at least in the eyes of everyone outside._”

“I know.” Alec tried not to interrupt but this was closing in to being torture. “Helen. How did they vote?”

“_Sorry, I was only trying to explain that no one thinks that this makes you any less of a leader. We just had to make sure we could convince everyone else that too. Sorry, I’m rambling again…_”

Alec stopped himself from stating it as she did it herself.

“_The council unanimously voted that you are still the Inquisitor and nothing but a lawbreake will change that._”

Alec exhaled and felt himself being held up on the chair only by Magnus’s arm around him and the other quickly placed over his chest.

“Alec?” Catarina was by his side in an instant, and turned his face towards her. Alec couldn’t focus his eyes on everything and he didn’t see the need to either.

“_Catarina…? Magnus?_”

Helen’s word sound as they were both under water, but he couldn’t be; his lungs moved effortless. Catarina slowly let Alec go and without a thought about answering any of them, Alec kissed Magnus’s lips shortly and then, with closed eyes, rested his head on Magnus’s shoulder.

“He’s fine, Helen.”

“_Oh, okay. I was worried there for a second._”

Alec breathed in deep and allowed himself to feel a foundation being build under his feet again. “I’m good. Thanks. Tell them all thanks.”

“_Sure. Does this mean… can I tell Aline now?_”

Alec chuckled and looked at Magnus. They both nodded at the same time and Alec turned back to the lit up screen on the table. “Of course, you can. Just let me tell the rest of Alicante.”

“_Thank the Angel! It’s been torture keeping it from her. See you tomorrow then?_”

“I bet it has; sorry about that. Sure I’ll be in first thing.”

“No he won’t.” Magnus abrupted him and met his eyes as Alec turned confused to look at him.

“I won’t?”

Magnus shook his head slowly and build a huge smile. “No. You’re making me dinner, or possibly six pounds of brownies, remember?”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Quickly and extremely happy that his husband thought this was funny, Alec kissed Magnus and then looked down at the phone. “Sorry, Helen. I took this Friday off as well as the weekend. We’re celebrating two years tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not apologizing for not posting sooner but I will take a second to explain: I've been going through crap. I guess that covers it. 
> 
> But I'm so happy to have the energy to write this weekend. I love this story so much and I have made up half the chapters to come in my head already.  
Then again I have no idea what this will bring with it, because so many small moments just come up while I write: The turn in bottom/top (horny Alec) when they were trying to get pregnant. And the last scene in this chapter took an emotional turn; Alec feeling the kids and knowing who is who was totally unplanned. 
> 
> This story is just so fun to write and I hope you can hang in there even when I need some time to dean with shit in real life.


	16. Milestones in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is two years after Alec and Magnus got married and they both have plans for how to spend the next three days together. As always something unforeseen happens and emotions take over, but that doesn't have to be all bad.

Magnus traced light fingertips over Alec’s bare shoulder and down his arm lying heavily over the duvet. It had been almost half an hour since Magnus woke up, but he couldn’t get himself to wake Alec. He’d had some rough days and Magnus was happy if all he got from this day was watching Alec sleeping quietly without worry or discomfort.

Alec took a deeper breath than the almost silent ones he made for the last hour and Magnus couldn’t help by smile at the little hum that followed. For a moment long enough that Magnus thought Alec was still sleeping he didn’t move, but eventually Alec’s eyelids started to flutter. With almost no contact to his skin, Magnus brushed his thumb over Alec’s jawline and watch him take another deep breath before his eyes slowly opened and found Magnus’s.

“Mornin’” Magnus only dared to whisper, almost afraid to add sound to the moment.

Alec smiled and stretched his neck to kiss Magnus’s lips just as light at they were already touching. “Happy anniversary.”

With their foreheads together, Magnus brushed his palm over Alec’s arm and ended with lacing his fingers with Alec’s.

“You hungry?” Magnus knew that Alec was. He’d gotten his appetite back and was eating even more in the mornings than he did before. Magnus had never thought it possible.

“Yeah. But not now.” Alec pulled Magnus closer and wrapped his free arm around his back. Magnus felt himself melt in the hold, pleased that they didn’t have to move just yet. Alec kissed Magnus’s forehead and let himself relax into the pillow under them. “Let’s just stay here for a while.”

* * *

They spend over an hour with Alec’s thumb slowly caressing Magnus’s shoulder and Magnus’s drawing circles on the back of Alec’s other hand, before Alec’s stomach started rumbling.

When Alec had dressed and walked to the balcony, Magnus had already conjured up a spectacular breakfast and decorated every crook with yellow roses. When Alec stopped in the doorway looking at it all, Magnus walked to his side and kissed his cheek. He took Alec’s hand and walked him to the table. With a wave of his hand, both chairs moved back making room for them to sit.

Magnus knew that he was the talker of the two of them, but Alec wasn’t usually speechless. He didn’t even look up at Magnus as they sat opposite each other.

“Alexander?” Magnus placed his hand on the table for Alec to take.

Alec bit his lower lip and placed his hand with Magnus’s and then looked up; revealing his teary eyes.

Magnus held Alec’s hand tighter. “You alright?”

A smile that Magnus recognized and loved spread over Alec’s face and he nodded as a tear ran over his cheek. “I am. You’re amazing, you know that?”

Magnus chuckled and lifted Alec’s hand to kiss it. “I know, but I will never get tired of hearing you say it.”

Relived that Alec was just emotional, he reached over to wipe away the few tears on Alec’s cheeks. “Eat. You’re hungry.”

The conversation quickly turned to normal everyday stuff, as normal as it could be with the months they’d had. Mostly they were laughing about the faces they had been met with as they had told everyone close to them.

When Alec was done eating, Magnus had already been full for half an hour, but they still sat there lacing fingers for a while after.

* * *

Alec wanted to take a shower and after clearing the table, Magnus decided to join him in the steam that made it almost impossible to find the shower.

As he stepped into the warm steam of water and leaned against Alec’s board back, as he’d done so many times before, he was met with tight muscles and shoulders that moved from a too fast breathing. Confused he stepped back and turned Alec by his shoulders. Face to face, Magnus saw bloodshot eyes and a chin quivering.

“What is it, Alexander?”

Alec bit his lip and shook his head as he leaned in to kiss Magnus’s forehead, but Magnus pushed him slowly back.

“Cariño, what’s wrong. This isn’t happy tears.” Magnus felt Alec’s shoulders shudder under his hold.

With a deep sigh Alec looked down, letting the water flow over his head form a wall between him and Magnus. “It’s all wrong.”

With a slow and firm hold on Alec, Magnus stepped back and pulled him out of the water. He lifted Alec’s face with a light hand on his chin and brushed the wet hair from his forehead. “What’s wrong. Talk to me, okay?”

Alec nodded but didn’t look up at Magnus. “I know it’s ridiculous to react like this, but the breakfast…” He stopped and turned to the side brushing his face roughly to rid it from the new tears.

“Alexander.” Magnus took Alec’s arm with both hands and stood close against him. “You seemed happy with the breakfast. What was wrong with it?”

“Nothing.” Alec lifted Magnus’s hand up and pressed it firmly against his lips before turning and looking Magnus in the eyes. More tears spilled before he talked with a shaky voice. “Everything was perfect. You’re perfect. That’s the problem; it should have been me. I should have made it. I’ve been planning and preparing, and again I’m the one who just gets every surprise and…” Alec heaved in a mouthful of the damp air and swallowed hard. “…and gets everything, and you never does.”

“Stop right there.” Magnus took Alec’s face in his hands and looked into the tear-filled eyes. The sadness and regret he saw could have folded Magnus in half if he didn’t know that Alec was wrong. “I get plenty. I get this.” He took laced his fingers with Alec’s and kissed his hand. “I get this.” He kissed his mouth and smiled as he thumbed away a tear from Alec’s cheek. “You don’t even have to try. You’ve given me the best two years of my very long life and you’re still here.”

Magnus turned Alec around and wrapped his arms tightly around him, placing both hands on his belly. “You’re giving me the greatest gift of all. You’re working on that every day.”

Slowly Alec’s shoulders loosened and Magnus leaned his chin on one of them and kissed his neck. “We have two more days of this weekend and I can’t wait to see what you have practiced and planned.”

Alec’s hands covered Magnus’s for a moment before he turned in his embrace and hugged him, pressing their warm bodies against each other. For a minute Magnus let himself breathe in the heavy warm air and enjoy the strong arms around him, but Alec’s breathing was still ragged and somehow it was, like he wasn’t really there with him. Magnus pushed them from each other and with both hands on Alec’s chest he looked at his crying husband’s face.

Before Magnus could ask, Alec shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself. “It’s ridiculous. I know. I’m not sad anymore; I don’t think so. But I don’t know what it is, I just can’t stop.” He paused to swallow and looked down. “You’re perfect.”

Magnus’s lungs emptied with relief and left him with a soft smile. He took a small step closer and lifted Alec’s chin again, placing his other hand on his neck and kissed his lips. “Alexander. It’s not ridiculous; you’re emotional, so what? You’re pregnant.”

A small light turned on in Alec’s eyes and it seemed as he came back to the situation. Magnus graced his hand lightly from Alec’s chin to his cheek and brushed his thumb over his cheekbone. “You’re allowed to feel everything stronger and not know how you feel, okay?”

Magnus waited for Alec to nod before he continued. “Just talk to me about it so I can help sort it out. But there’s one thing you never need to ask; That you’re not allowed to doubt.”

After a second of waiting Magnus was sure he had Alec’s undivided attention. “You never doubt that I love you.”

He waited for Alec to nod.

“No matter how much you need my help. No matter how much you cry. No matter if you are too busy, tired, or too confused to show me; I will know that you love me and I need you to know that I will love you always and nothing can change that.”

Alec’s chin quivered and he sniffled. Magnus held his chin and cheek a little tighter. “Do you know that? Not believe it; _know_ _it_?”

“I know.” Alec’s voice cracked and his breath shuddered but he didn’t take his eyes away from Magnus’s.

Magnus pulled Alec closer, kissed his forehead and hugged him tight. Alec was there now. He was still crying, but he was part of their embrace and as he buried his face in the crease of Magnus’s neck it was obvious that Alec trusted what Magnus had said.

A small push from Magnus had them both moving under the warm water and slowly they loosened their hug and proceeded with washing each other’s hair and took turns massaging the bubbles over their backs.

* * *

“If I knew that a few weeks of practicing would make for such an exquisite dinner, I would make you cook once a month.”

Alec noticed Magnus waiting for his approval and gave it with a nod. He moved his hand over the scene of the dining room and cleared away all but the candles and glasses. Alec was pleased that Magnus hadn’t acted scared of setting Alec off, since this morning. He’d been considerate, but again h always was, maybe it was just that he was more observant to catch a possible emotional breakdown before it took over. But there hadn’t been anymore. They had joked as Alec cooked and set the table. Magnus had followed everything close, keeping Alec company and distracting him with hugs, touches and kisses. He’d accepted with a laugh that he wasn’t allowed to do anything but make drinks.

“I cook. Maybe not three courses but I make decent pancakes.” Alec handed Magnus his drink and held up his own glass.

“And brownies.” With a short laugh Magnus touched the edge of his glass to Alec’s and took a sip.

The drink was too sweet for Alec. It missed something. It missed alcohol and from the look Magnus had had every time he’d taken a sip, he thought exactly the same, but Alec had given up convincing Magnus that he didn’t have to lay off alcohol, just because Alec did. Just as much as Alec disliked the taste, just as much did he love that Magnus hated it too and still drank it just to be supportive.

All day had been one long session of holding hands and sliding fingers over their ribs, necks and anywhere else that could result in a smile and a kiss. For the first time in what seemed like forever was Alec drawn to Magnus. Every day he’d seen him in the same light as always; he was irresistible. Both his physique and his eyes, glamoured or not, and the love he felt from him every second, would always have Alec soft in his knees. But today Alec felt right in his own skin too. He didn’t feel gross or awkward. It was like he had picked up the confidence he’d lost before all if this took over his body. Even with his belly poking at the dress-shirt and two moving beings inside him, he felt good.

Magnus’s lips touched Alec’s before he had taken a breath after swallowing his drink. The kiss was sort and sweet and let him get air in his lungs quickly. After Magnus had put both glasses on the table he looked right in Alec’s eyes again and placed his hands on Alec’s chest and neck. Maybe Magnus was just trying for more kissing and cuddling they had filled every free moment on all day or maybe he could see the longing in Alec’s eyes. It didn’t matter, he would understand soon anyway.

Alec firmly took Magnus’s head in his hands and kissed him deeply and pushed him backwards into their bedroom. He didn’t give Magnus air to speak before they stumbled into the bed and Magnus dropped to him back.

“This took a turn…” Magnus laughed as he watched Alec struggle to step out of his pants.

“Did it though?” Alec almost tripped and landed on top of Magnus but regained what little control he had to stand as he un buckled Magnus’s belt.

With an elegant and practiced move, Magnus lifted his hips and let Alec slide his pants off. “I guess I could have seen it coming if I wasn’t out of practice.”

Magnus laughed and Alec gave a second longer to push himself up and turning the right way in the bed before climbing up, standing on all four over him. “Don’t you think it’s time to give these two a little brother or sister?”

Magnus’s eyes widened and froze with his hands on Alec’s shoulders. “You really weren’t kidding about that family of six were you?”

He pulled himself up by Alec’s shoulders and kissed him until Alec felt Magnus’s arms shaking and he had to let himself drop back into the pillow. Looked down and pushed a hand up under Alec’s shirt, placing it flat on his belly. “I’m not sure you could fit four in here at once, though.”

Alec sat up and opened the top buttons as Magnus did the lower ones. Winded and impatient, Alec grabbed the waistline of Magnus’s shirt. “Let’s just do this before these two get so big we can’t reach each other.”

With the effort of sitting half up as his shirt was pulled over his head, he couldn’t answer and Alec had their lips together before Magnus landed back on the mattress. Alec didn’t want to let Magnus go, but he could hardly breathe while folded over Magnus and the shared air wasn’t enough to make up for his rushing heart and he had to sit back up. Magnus’s chest moved just was fast as his own and the small light on the table was already able to make his sweaty skin glisten.

Sliding a hand up Magnus’s chest Alec reached for the drawer under the bedside table, but Magnus had to stop him rolling of the bed with a firm hand on his shoulder. With a laugh shaking Alec’s as Magnus couldn’t hold it back trough the kiss he planted there, Alec was pushed back up. As they were somewhat balanced, Magus quickly took Alec’s hand from his chest and revealed his glowing golden eyes. Alec all but fall on top of him from the lack of air as the sight pushed all his blood down and his already hard cock pounded. Alec’s hand was suddenly glistening with Magnus’s own concoction of lube. Afraid he would pass out if he talked or leaned in to kiss Magnus, Alec proceeded to move his hand hastily between Magnus’s but cheeks and watched Magnus push his hips up making room for Alec’s hand under him. Instinctively, quick and almost rough, Alec grabbed Magnus’s hips and rolled him to his stomach. Magnus must have been completely baffled because he didn’t have time to do anything but follow and grunt out as his air was pressed out as he landed flat on the mattress.

Alec sat over Magnus’s knees, keeping his legs tight together. Lying like that, Magus’s perfectly defined muscles made his ass perfectly round. Alec slid his still glistening hand between Magnus’s cheeks and didn’t give him time to finish his moan before he pressed a finger in deep. Magnus whined so beautiful and loud and for a moment Alec only saw his hands clutching the sheets. The deep and vocalized breaths Magnus pulled in as Alec pushed his finger in deeper and a second time, sent shivers over Alec’s body. With the third push he let a second finger join and Magnus yelped loud and if it hadn’t been for him pushing his ass higher, Alec would have doubted if it was pleasurable for Magnus. With the first hard trust of the two fingers, Magnus stretched his body, making it hard for Alec to move but soon he pushed back up with a low growl. With the next push he stayed but from the hollow whine, he was biting hard on the pillow.

The sight of Magnus’s glistening back and tensed shoulders, together forming a small arch that presented his ass so beautifully, had Alec act without pause. He lifted one leg at a time placing himself between Magnus’s. The two fingers out and with a strong grip on Magnus’s hips he pulled him back and lifted his ass higher.

“Alex… A…” Magnus turned his head to the side, but quickly pressed his forehead into the pillow and looked down at his own belly. “Babe, I…”

Alec froze. “Magnus?”

Magnus was panting and gasping, but he shook his head slowly and only wrapped his arms tighter around the pillow. Alec took a deep breath and inspected Magnus’s trembling body. This was too much for him. Alec had thrown all inhibitions overboard and his brain right along with it. He placed a palm on Magnus’s lower back and felt him jolt a little. Slowly, Alec slid the hand over his spine and ended up leaned down next to Magnus’s side.

“Why are you holding back?” Alec saw Magnus’s strong chest move in big waves. It wasn’t fear and with a quick gaze lower he couldn’t oversee the precum already glistening on the head of Magnus’s erect cock. “Love?” Alec moved his hand higher and into Magnus’s hair, prompting him to turn his head and look Alec in the eyes. The golden lights were still there. “Magnus. I know I’m a hot mess today, but you have to let me know when I’m going too fast.”

Magnus blinked slowly and moved his hand to loosely take Alec’s free one. Holding his hand tight, Alec kissed it long and firm, once again feeling his pounding cock jump. “C’mon, tell me. Is it the wrong way? Don’t you like it or am I just going over the speed limit?”

A smile spread over Magnus’s half open mouth, still letting the air move fast and freely. “Just a tad.” He looked away but squeezed Alec’s hand as he whispered. “I’m not ready.”

“Say it loud.” Alec rubbed his scalp. “I need to know that you can. That you’re not scared to hurt me.”

Their eyes locked and Magnus nodded almost unnoticeable. “It’s too fast. I’m not ready yet.”

One of Alec’s pants came out as a relieved sigh. He stretched his neck and kissed Magnus soft. After a short break to chest if Magnus’s eyes were still smiling, Alec leaned back in and kissed him deep and long.

Magnus looked down at Alec’s cock and let go of his hand to grip the pillow. Taking it as a sign, Alec pushed himself back to sit on his knees behind Magnus’s flushed ass cheeks. He carefully gathered the excessive amount of lube over the skin and slowly pushed a finger inside. Magnus pushed back onto him and after moving in unison for a few thrusts, Magnus began humming low and twisting his ass a bit from side to side. Alec knew all the unspoken signs and even with his own cock almost hurting from arousal he was pleased to have slowed down enough to notice all of them. With the second finger in Alec pushed deep he slid both fingertips over Magnus’s prostate resulting in a long high-pitched whimper and one a bit lower the second time.

Alec took his time and only when Magnus’s breaths started to tremble, did he add as third finger. Magnus was tight and clenched around him as Alec’s fingers stretched him. He had been no where ready before. Alec would have hurt him if they hadn’t stopped. A quick feeling of guilt made a heavy pressure on his chest and he slowed down the pushes and lightened the touches to the prostate a little.

“Alexan…” Magnus gasped and Alec froze, but Magnus pushed back on his touch. “I’m good.” He reached back and barely touched Alec’s knee. “Sweetie. It’s… don’t stop.”

Magnus only used _sweetie_ when he was desperate to comfort Alec and didn’t know how else to do it. Alec would never allow him to use a word like that on a normal day, and he was sure he’d only used it three or four times since they got married.

Swallowing the slowly building lump in his throat, Alec took Magnus’s hand as he moved his fingers faster in and out. Magnus bored his fingers into Alec’s harder for every time he touched firmer on Magnus’s prostate. Just as Alec thought that he might pass out from lack of air or blood in his brain, Magnus let go and reached under himself grabbing his cock. Alec pulled out and he didn’t have to wait more than a second for Magnus to arch his back more, pushing himself higher. He pushed his highly sensitive cock against Magnus and let him back up himself. Magnus’s shaky breath was strong enough for Alec to feel it and lightheaded he grabbed Magnus’s hips. He moved back and then pushed in slowly. He pushed deep the second time and watched as Magnus grabbed the corner of the pillow with his fee hand. Moving faster, Magnus turned his head to the side, making room for beautiful moans to compete with the loud growls Alec had to let out.

The sounds, the fast movements, the electricity shooting through his body, Magnus: It was all beautiful. This wasn’t to make Magnus feel good when Alec didn’t. This wasn’t jeopardizing him not being pregnant. There was no thoughts and there was no reason to doubt it or stop it. This was pure them. Only them. Wanting it just as much as the other and for the same reason; that they couldn’t be more than an inch from each other for another second.

Magnus shook and clenched around Alec and with his whole body burning on the inside and tingling on the out, Alec shuddered a long breath and feel to Magnus’s side. With hazy eyes watched as Magnus’s turned back to brown.

* * *

After lying with Magnus in his arms for a while, everything began to get cold and sticky. Alec hadn’t considered a shower for more and a second before he was dry and warm under a clean duvet covering both of them. Silently he thanked the Angel that he had married a warlock and pulled Magnus closer to his chest.

Magnus felt small. Alec never saw Magnus as small. He was shorter for sure, but his shoulders were almost as broad as Alec’s and his arms just as strong. The empty pit in Alec’s stomach still reminded him that he’d almost crossed a line, maybe he did cross it. He wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy making him emotional again or if he was really as scared as he felt it.

“Magnus?” Alec didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to hear it, but he had to know.

Magnus hummed but Alec could hear that he wasn’t about to sleep anytime soon.

“Are you okay? Did I…?”

With one continuous move, Magnus pushed himself up, leaning on his elbow and took Alec’s chin with the other hand.

“No. You didn’t. You did everything right.” Alec looked down, but Magnus held his chin stronger and pushed his face up again. “Look at me. I know you get excited and I love it.”

Alec saw no deceive in Magnus’s eyes, but the fear wouldn’t leave him and he felt his eyes burning.

“Alexander...” Magnus laid down in front of Alec and rested his hand lightly on his jaw and cheek. “I hesitated. That’s on me. The only thing was that I was not sure how to say it but I would have. In time.” He pushed himself forward and pressed his forehead on Alec’s. “I would have said something. I would never let you accidently hurt me. I know that would hurt you even more.”

Alec blinked slowly with a relieved breath and a tear escaped his eye. Magnus wiped it away with his thumb and the smile he sent Alec as he moved back again, made the tension leave his body.

Magnus traced his fingers over Alec’s neck and down his chest and chuckled. Alec looked up and saw Magnus’s amused face. “Maybe we need a safeword.”

Alec didn’t think it was funny. He could understand that Magnus did, but Alec wasn’t ready for that yet. He shook his head and tired to force a smile, not quite sure he succeeded.

“We don’t. Just say stop, or wait, or anything… I listen to you, you know that. I would never ignore a word you say.”

“I know.” Magnus moved his hand out Alec’s arm and laced their fingers as he pushed himself up against his chest.

Alec wrapped his other arm around him and held him tight. “You never have to chose your words carefully. I won’t take it the wrong way.”

“I know that too. We’re not ourselves right now, but we still manage to have fun.” Magnus lifted Alec’s hand up to a kiss and placed their grip on his own chest. “I’d say that’s when were closest to normal.”

* * *

Except that Alec walked slower, Magnus couldn’t see it on him. He felt it himself though. They had spent the night, the next day and the morning after that, repeating the act over and over again. At one point, after a break a little too long, Magnus had been almost as eager and rushed as Alec.

“You walk like an old man.” Alec laughed loudly as he sat down, slowly, on the couch.

Magnus left the breakfast table messy and joined Alec. “Say’s the man who needs to support himself on the armrest as he sit down. Besides, I _am_ old. What’s your excuse?”

Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus’s shoulders and pulled him in for a slow kiss. “You know what my excuse is.”

Letting out a silent laugh, Magnus kissed Alec shortly and leaned against his side.

Magnus couldn’t believe it had already been two years since they got married. This morning Magnus had revived the yellow roses on the balcony and looking at them now he vividly remembered every second of their wedding. Even with what they had gone through the last months they had passed quickly too: It felt like it was only a week ago Alec had come home early to tell him that he wanted a child.

In all his long life he’d never loved small moments like this before. Their fingers intertwined with Alec’s thumb gracing over the back of his palm. The only other movement was his body slightly tilting against Alec’s chest in the rhythm of his slow breathing.

After a while, Magnus felt Alec’s breathing change slightly.

“Magnus?”

Not wanting to move and end the peaceful moment, Magnus hummed shortly.

“When was the next ultrasound?”

Magnus’s heart jumped to his throat and he sat up straight and looked at Alec, his belly and then Alec’s eyes again. “Is there something wrong?”

Alec smiled and shook his head. He took Magnus’s face in both hands and kissed him before guiding him back to sitting against him. Magnus followed and breathed deep as the buzzing adrenaline lessened.

With his hand back in Magnus’s, Alec rubbed Magnus’s shoulder with the other. “You have to stop freaking out whenever I ask a question. I just don’t remember.”

After deep breath, Magnus felt his voice would cooperate enough that he wouldn’t sound panicked. “Next time is in under two weeks, but Catarina is just coming over to check on you. The next ultrasound isn’t until the exam after. When you’re six month along.”

“That’s a long time from now. It’s over a month.”

Alec sounded disappointed and Magnus understood. He would love nothing more than to see their babies every day if he could. Magnus placed their joined hands on Alec’s belly. He could swear it grew visibly bigger every day. “You’ll see. It’ll go by fast. We have work too.”

“I just want to know…”

Magnus felt Alec look down at his belly.

“I want to know too. I want to know if our daughter with have a brother or sister just as much as you.”

“Our daughter.” Alec spoke the words out under his breath and it resonated deep in Magnus. Neither of them had said the word before and it sounded both extremely bizarre and wonderful.

Alec moved his hand a little making his and Magnus’s cover most of his belly. “I just want to know, because we should…” He paused and drew in a deep breath.

Magnus lifted his head and looked Alec in the eyes. “What?”

For a long moment Alec kept his gaze on Magnus as he build a soft smile. Then he looked down at their hands on their babies again. “We really should start to talk about names.”

Sat a bit back by the words Magnus looked down too, and slowly he laid his head on Alec’s shoulder. That was just another thing Magnus hadn’t thought of. How could he multiple times have pictured their kids running around Alec’s desk as he worked, and picking everything from the shelves in his own work-space and not thought about names?

“Magnus?” Alec started to sound a bit concerned.

“Yeah. We should.” Magnus cleared his throat and came back to the conversation with a deep breath. “Do you have any suggestions?”

“Not really. Not anything I feel too strong about anyway.” Alec breathed in deep and the muscles in his chest and shoulders tightened under Magnus.

“Hey.” Magnus pushed himself up and turned to look at Alec. “Say what you want. I haven’t thought about it yet, so you can just as well start.”

Alec nodded and gathered all four out their hands on Magnus’s thigh and kept his eyes locked on them at he spoke. “How do you feel about family names?”

“Well, I guess we can agree that both of them will have Lightwood-Bane as their family name, right?”

Alec looked up and breathed a little easier. “Of course, but that’s not what I meant. What about first names?”

It took a while for Magnus to read Alec’s eyes and he wasn’t quite sure he’d got it. “You mean like Alexander Junior?” He tried his best to picture a small Alec running around. It seemed strange, but he could get used to it, if that what Alec really wanted. Maybe it wasn’t it at all. Magnus Jr.? That definitely seemed wrong.

Alec was silent till Magnus looked up again. A huge smile spread over Alec’s face. “I see you hate the idea just as much as I do.” Alec launched and loosened his grip slightly on Magnus’s hands. “I just had to be sure you didn’t wanted something like that.”

“I really don’t.” Magnus shook his head and sighed fast before he leaned in a kissed Alec shortly. “I get why someone does it, but I want them to have their own names.”

Alec nodded. “Great, then that’s out of the way. Just think if we put pressure on little Alexandra or Maggie to name their kids after us.” Alec clearly enjoyed the look Magnus’s stunned demeanor showed, and held back a laugh. “How do you feel about having Magnus the 3rd as a grandchild?”

“Whoa.” Magnus pulled his hands back and tried hard to look scared and not as amused as he was. “Let me get used to you being pregnant before you start naming our grandkids.”

“Sure.” Alec took Magnus’s hands again and looked as if he tried hard to keep his smile from becoming a laughter again. “Then what? I can’t even think of one and we have to find two.”

“Okay…” Magnus thought through some of the names he knew but there was nothing that jumped at him. “Maybe…”

“What?” Alec sounded hopeful and curious as he pulled Magnus’s hands a bit closer.

“Do we want names that mean something?” Magnus took a second to look at the immediate reaction on Alec’s face and he didn’t seem to hate the idea. “You’re already beginning to know their personality.”

He moved one of Alec’s hands to his belly and moved back to Alec could turn and rest his back onto his chest. “I’m sure it will all make sense before they’re here. You’ll see.”

With a big breath leaving Alec’s lungs he relaxed against Magnus and turned his head slightly so he was resting it against Magnus’s shoulder.

Not moving, Alec suddenly held his breath and as he let it go he slowly took his hand from under Magnus’s and placed Magnus’s palm a bit lower on his belly. A small, almost unnoticeable, push from Alec’s belly slowly moved under Magnus’s hand.

“Was…?” Magnus gasped and tried to make words without moving. “Was that…?”

“Yes. Our little girl.” Alec held Magnus’s hand on the same place as he sat up higher and centered himself on Magnus’s chest.

Magnus didn’t dare to speak and his eyes watered as he felt it again. Stronger this time, faster too. Alec reached back along the backrest and took Magnus’s other hand. Wrapping himself in Magnus’s arms, Alec placed Magnus’s hand high on his belly.

Alec held on to Magnus’s hands and Magnus wondered if he could hold his breath much longer. Then the girl moved again and there was movement under the other hand too.

“Felt that?” Alec spoke light but clearly wasn’t scared of breaking the silence.

Magnus nodded and swallowed. He had no words and no intention of disturbing the little ones and make them stop. A kiss pressed against Magnus’s neck and he looked to his side and directly into Alec’s smiling eyes. A tear tickled Magnus’s cheek and Alec smiled wider. He kissed his lips shortly and leaned his head into the crease of Magnus’s neck again.

The girl moved again and as if it was a response to it, the other baby did too. Magnus gasped and looked at his hands through a wall of water.

“I thought they were tired from all the bumping and jumping they have been trough the last days.” Alec chuckled.

“Have they…?” Magnus was still not sure if he wanted to form a full sentence and might stop them from moving. “Have you… before…?”

Alec shook his head and moved Magnus’s one hand a little to feel another small bump. “They haven’t been this strong before. It’s the first time I can feel them from the outside.”

When the pauses between the movements got longer, Alec pulled his legs up on the couch and drew the blanket from the backrest over him and Magnus’s hands. He turned a little to the side and let his cheek rest on his hand on Magnus’s chest.

“Are you okay, Alexander?” Once in a while, Magnus still felt small movements from the babies, but nothing like before.

“Wonderful.” Alec pulled the blanket to his shoulder and slid his hand under it to cover the back of Magnus’s palm. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I am too.” Magnus leaned his head a little down and kissed the top of Alec’s head. “I love you so much.”

Alec’s body relaxed completely, even his hand on Magnus’s seemed to get heavier. “I love you too, Magnus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used to wonder if I'd ever think that fluff was fun to write.  
I used to practice writing smut.  
With this story I love both. I'd never thought that I would find it fun to write a chapter like this, but these two guys just make me want to give them every small lovely moment before the angst inevitably takes reappears.  
I hope you like it too.
> 
> Btw: I'm contemplating having Madzie appear in the next chapter.


	17. Baby boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's mood-swings continues over the next few days, but it helps with lots of visits from everyone. Both he and Magnus are able to work as well and even with a growing belly it's great to have a little of normalcy for as long as possible.

Ancient Middle Eastern Names, Baby Names: Meanings and Origins, Modern and Unique Baby Names, The Best Canadian Baby Names. Alec was sure the last book was a joke refereeing to his and Magnus’s visit with Elisapee. Alec had told Izzy that they hadn’t decided on names yet and her and Simon had spent hours gathering all the books they could get a hold of.

Izzy and Simon had visited the day before and today Clary and Jace had been. They all tried to hide it, but it was clear that they couldn’t get used to seeing Alec with a pregnant belly. He didn’t blame them; he couldn’t get used to it himself. Their joy and support was real, though. The dozen books taking up Alec’s workplace was proof.

After Clary and Jace had left, Alec had decided that he might as well work from home the rest of the day. That had been a mistake. After two days of guests and Catarina coming by to check on him the day before that, he had a lot to do, but he couldn’t take his eyes of the tall stack of books. There was over 50,000 names in most of the books and Alec had no idea how to pick only two. Magnus had gone through a few last night but there was still nothing that sounded right to either of them. Alec sighed and pulled the largest book to the middle of his desk. 100,000+ Baby Names.

Only after running his eyes over two whole pages, did he realize that he hadn’t read anything. The two little wonders had been extra active today. Clary was adamant that it was because that she was there and Jace and Alec had let her have that. Alec had used most of his energy to study Jace anyway. He seemed nervous. Maybe he had felt every part of the emotional roller-coaster over the last week or so or maybe it was just the whole weird situation. It was clear that Jace was extra attentive to Alec as well. Maybe he was just nervous that Alec wasn’t totally okay. Which couldn’t have been longer from the truth, even with the mood swings. Alec would have liked for him to stay a little longer but he didn’t want to ask. These days he was very aware of how needy he could end up sounding.

It had been hours after they left and the babies was still very much awake. Alec leaned back and rested his hands on his belly hoping that they would let him concentrate. If he didn’t work it had to be for a reason and this wasn’t it.

Alec heard the door before Magnus called out to hear where he was. As soon as Magnus was in the door to his office, Alec felt more energized after the long day.

Smiling, Magnus came over and placed a hand on Alec’s belly as he kissed his cheek. “How is my little family?”

“Not so little.” Alec chuckled as he turned in the chair and pulled Magnus down to sit on one of his thighs.

Magnus kissed Alec on the lips and wrapped an arm around his back. “I can still fit here. You better enjoy that while you can.”

Alec smiled and laced his fingers with Magnus’s. “I am.” He sounded more tired than he wanted.

“When did Jace and Clary leave? I hoped to get home in time to see them.”

“It’s been hours. Next time.” Alec involuntarily let out a deep sigh and wondered if it was too early to go to bed, even if he was somehow sure he wouldn’t find sleep soon. “You got to see Izzy and Simon yesterday.”

“Yeah. Next time. I see you’re not getting any more work done today.” Magnus stood up and pulled Alec with him.

For a second Magnus stood still, holding tight on Alec’s forearms. “Alexander, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Alec didn’t think he looked as tired as he felt, but even that wouldn’t have prompted the worried look on Magnus’s face. “I’m okay, Magnus. I’m just tired.”

“It’s not it.” Magnus shook his head and looked Alec deep in the eyes. Sometimes it was like he could see every little crook of Alec’s mind. “You’re uneasy. Is it the babies?”

There wasn’t anything wrong with them unless maybe insomnia. Alec smiled easily and took Magnus’s hand. “No, they’re perfect. Very active, but perfect.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Magnus placed his other hand on Alec’s belly and looked at it for a second before finding Alec’s eyes again. “Then what? Work?” He spoke calm but was obviously sure that he was right. “Are _you_ okay? Are you sick? Is it Jace or…”

“Jace.” Alec knew. Suddenly it was clear that Jace was the one who was not okay. How, he didn’t know, but there was something after their visit that still bothered Alec.

Magnus nodded and silently dragged, a confused Alec out to the balcony. The cool evening air soothed his skin after having been in the warm office for half the day. They sat in the couch and Magnus took Alec’s hand in both of his.

“Alexander. Do you know for sure?”

Alec nodded and looked up at Magnus. “I do. Well, I know that there’s something. I’m just not sure what is making him… anxious.”

“Do you think it’s about the pregnancy?” Magnus pulled his bent leg up in the couch and turned completely towards Alec. “Could it be the nightmares again?”

Alec wasn’t so sure it was that. Jace wasn’t terrified like he’d been last time. Today he had looked tired but not more than a few busy days could make him. But also Alec didn’t want to believe that his nightmares was back so soon.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me being a mess that has him spinning.”

A chill ran down Alec’s spine and he instinctively checked if the blanket was on the armrest behind Magnus. Alec ignored the investigative gaze Magnus laid on him as he slowly handed him the blanket.

“You’re probably right.” Magnus proceeded to wrap the blanket around Alec and pulled him to lean against his side. “You seem tired enough to sleep so why don’t you call him in the morning. I have that meeting early, but it will most likely last all day, so you can have the place for yourself.”

The cold air that was so good just a few minutes ago wasn’t calming anymore and Alec was happy to relax into the comfort of Magnus’s warm body until they would turn in only an hour later.

* * *

“Alexander?”

Cold fingers brushed over Alec’s forehead and down his cheek.

“Alexander, wake up.” Magnus sounded worried and it made Alec fight the urge to pull the duvet over his head and shield him from the cold room.

“What is it?” Alec only whispered, but his throat felt raspy and the horrible sound of his own words still filled his head to the breaking point.

“You’re warm.”

The fingers moving slowly through Alec’s hair felt almost rough to his skin and the sound from it shook his brain.

“Alexander. Look at me.” What was probably Magnus’s hand, but felt like an ice-pack, touched Alec’s cheek and turned his head a little.

Slowly, Alec willed his eyes open but regretted with the first shiver of light shining through. He hummed and turned his head away, which only resulted in his headache spreading to his neck and shoulders.

“Okay, okay. I’ve got it.” Magnus had lowered his voice to almost a whisper.

“The light is gone.” Alec felt Magnus’s hand in his and held it tight. “Look at me.”

Alec forced a smile as he let out a silent sigh. Magnus brushed the back of his hand, clearly waiting patiently, as Alec tested the level of pain it would take to open his eyes completely. Bit by bit, Alec managed to open his eyes enough to see Magnus sitting up on his own side of the bed. He was only lit by the sparse light from the living room, but Alec saw every little tense sign of worry.

“Morning.” Alec tried hard not to set of another pain-wave by making real sound.

Magnus looked down Alec’s body and up again. “It’s 5.30 am. You have a fever.” He pulled the edge of the duvet down a little but, fearing the cold, Alec grabbed it tight and pulled it to his ear as he curled up on his side.

A chill rushed over Alec’s body as Magnus took his head with both cold hands and turned his face up towards him. “You need to cool down.”

Alec shook his head what he could on Magnus’s hold. “You’re over-reacting. I’m not sick. I don’t get sick.”

“Alright.” Magnus let go and disappeared from the bed.

Alec didn’t have time to figure out where or why he had gone before the light hit him like a train. He growled in pain and pulled the cover over him, but he wasn’t prepared or strong enough to keep Magnus from pulling it off him.

Instantly shaking of cold and pain he let out a pitiful whimper and folded his arms around his head. “Magnus…”

“What’s that?” Magnus’s words were pounding his head like hammers.

“Okay.” Alec kicked himself up higher in the bed, hoping to get a little warmth or security from the headboard. “Okay, Magnus…” He gasped and swallowed before talking the loudest he’d done since waking up. “I’m sick.”

“Got you.” Magnus was already in the bed again.

A flinch when two hands grabbed Alec’s bare shoulders dragged out another whimper, but the strong hands pulled him forward and he quickly changed direction and crawled up against Magnus’s chest.

The thin blanket landing softly over him had to have been forced of magic, because both Magnus’s arms were holding Alec from tilting to his side as he was still blind and shaking.

“I’m sorry, Alexander. I’m so sorry. Try to calm down. I’ve turned off the lights again.”

Alec nodded and held on tighter to Magnus’s arm.

Neither the cold air nor the warm blanket was comfortable. Magnus’s hand rubbing his shoulder felt awfully rough, but Alec couldn’t bear asking him to stop. He wasn’t sick. Except Magnus had just proven to both of them that he really was. But he couldn’t be. He couldn’t have a fever. The babies would be sick right along with him.

“Magnus.” Alec hissed from the pain of sitting up, speaking and opening his eyes at the same time.

Clearly stunned by the sudden change, Magnus grabbed Alec’s shoulder and chin. “Hey, hey. Take it easy.”

Alec shook his head and grabbed on to Magnus’s arm. “I can’t… The babies.”

With, what Alec thought were supposed to be a comforting smile, Magnus nodded and brushed his hand slowly over Alec’s cheek. “Lie down, okay?”

Confused, Alec followed Magnus’s lead and let him place him back on the pillow and pull the blanket up to his ear, but he didn’t let go of Magnus’s hand.

“Magnus?”

Gently, Magnus covered their hold on each other with his other hand and hunched down in front of Alec’s face. “Tell me how you feel. I’m calling Catarina.”

* * *

With Catarina still on the phone, Magnus walked back into the bedroom on numb legs. He didn’t want to ask Alec about this.

He’d told Catarina everything he could see and what Alec had said; a low fever, aching muscles, lots of chills, sweats, a huge headache and a sore throat that Magnus was sure would develop into a cough soon. Catarina had seemed more at ease by the message that Alec wasn’t having any chest pain or difficulty breathing and that he wasn’t vomiting.

Magnus kneeled down in front of an almost sleeping Alec and sighed as he took the phone from his ear and brushed a damp strand of hair from Alec’s forehead.

“Alexander?”

Alec stirred a little and let out a low hum, Magnus was sure was to protect the sore throat.

“Alexander, Catarina needs to know something else.”

For a second after he opened his eyes, Alec seemed confused, but laying his gaze on the phone in Magnus’s hand he appeared to connect the dots.

“What?” He frowned, maybe seeing the hesitation on Magnus.

Magnus drew in a deep breath and let it out while taking Alec’s hand. “Are our babies moving?”

Alec’s hand tensed in Magnus’s and quickly Magnus realized that he’d formed the question wrong. “No, Cintaku. She just need to know if they are as active as normal.”

Alec nodded but didn’t loosen his grip on Magnus. It wasn’t clear if Alec was confirming that he understood the question or if he was actually answering it.

Leaning in a bit closer and looking Alec in the eyes, Magnus swallowed before asking again. “Alexander, tell me with words.”

“They are.” Alec forced a smile clearly through fear that they wouldn’t keep moving. “I feel them as often as always. It’s like they haven’t realized that we’re sick yet.”

“Hey, it’s just you. The babies are fine…” He leaned in to kiss Alec’s warm forehead. “…and soon you will be too.”

As Alec nodded and closed his eyes, seemingly relaxing as much as he could, Magnus put the phone to his ear again and walked to the living room.

“Did you hear that?”

“_I did. I’m sure it’s just the flu; he’ll be fine as long as his fever doesn’t get too high._”

Magnus breathed in the most calm breath since he woke up, but he couldn’t relax enough to sit down.

“You’re not coming?”

“_I will. After my shift._”

“But…” Magnus didn’t know what to say. It was a good thing that she didn’t think that she needed to rush in, right? Still Magnus would like that she was here.

“_Darling. Do you have anything to monitor his fever?_”

“Ehm. No.” Why the hell didn’t they have that? They should be prepared for everything. Every time Magnus thought that they were, he learned that he had no idea what he was doing. They needed these things with two little ones around too.

“_It’s alright, Magnus. You portal into the basement of the hospital and meet me. I’ll get you what you need and I’ll come by as soon as I’m off work.”_

Magnus felt sick himself at the thought of leaving Alec for just the minute it would take to get there and back, but he had the feeling that Catarina was doing it like this to proof that Alec wasn’t that sick and it made him feel a bit more at ease.

“Okay. Let me just tell him that I’m going.”

Catarina agreed and Magnus walked back in to the bedroom.

* * *

Catarina had given him an ear-thermometer and something called Tylenol. She’d assured him that it was safe as long as they kept to the guidelines on the package. Magnus was grateful for anything that could help, but he wasn’t so sure he could convince Alec to take the pills. She’d told him to text her every time they checked Alec’s temperature and with any new symptoms. It wasn’t hard to make her promise that she would come running the second she thought it could develop into something else than a mild case of the flu.

Alec didn’t wake up from the sound of the portal reopening on the other side of the door or when Magnus pulled a chair over to sit next to him. He breathed in a little deeper when Magnus took his hand and hummed when he rubbed his shoulder lightly. It was torture to wake him. Magnus didn’t want to pull him out of unconsciousness and back to the worry and discomfort, but he needed to measure his temperature and he couldn’t imagine waking up by something in his ear was better.

“Magnus. I…” Alec pressed his head harder into the pillow. “…don’t.”

“I know. I need to check your fever; you don’t have to do anything and you can sleep again after.”

Alec didn’t open his eyes but pulled Magnus’s hand a bit closer to his chin and nodded slowly. Magnus put the thing in Alec’s ear and watched him recoil with a growl.

“Shh. It’s fast.”

Alec looked up with a mix of confusion and betrayal but didn’t move until the beep sounded and Magnus took the device away.

“What is it?”

Alec’s raspy voice almost cracked into a couch but he controlled it and left was only the tension as if he was preparing for bad news.

“It’s not bad: 100.8” Relived that it wasn’t high enough to call Catarina, Magnus kissed Alec’s forehead and tugged the blanket close to his chin and then texted her.

Catarina answered right away: _Good. What I thought. Give him the Tylenol and make sure he drinks enough._

Magnus felt his shoulders drop and he heard the tension disappear from his voice as he spoke to Alec again.

“Alexander, I know I said you could sleep.” Magnus paused and brushed his hand through Alec’s hair. Alec already looked as if he would start throwing punches if he could. “I need you to sit up and take these.”

Alec looked at the pills in Magnus’s hand and up at Magnus. “What is it?”

Magnus put the pills on the bedside-table and took another pillow, gesturing for Alec to sit. “It’s safe even when pregnant.”

Alec clearly studied Magnus for deceive as he pushed himself up against the pillow. He leaned back against the pillows with a loud sigh and supported his forehead in his hand. Magnus held his shoulders till he was steady and looking up. Alec let Magnus put the pills in his palm but his frown didn’t let go of his forehead.

“Magnus. What is it?”

“It’s will help with the pain…”

“No.” Alec reached over to hand the pills back but Magnus folded Alec’s fingers around them again and pushed his hand back.

“It’s safe. It will make the fever go down.”

“Catarina said that?”

“She did.” Magnus smiled as he slowly let go of Alec’s hand. “You know neither of us will lie to you and give you something that wasn’t safe. It’s only to make your temperature go down.”

Alec looked down and wrapped his free and around his belly. Then he nodded and nodded at the pitcher of water on the table.

Baffled that it didn’t take more explaining and convincing to get Alec to take the medicine, Magnus silently and hastily poured Alec a large glass of water. Alec drank half the glass along with the tablets before putting it back on the table.

“So, what do we do know? Is Catarina not coming?”

Somehow happy that she wasn’t, Magnus had it easy explaining that she wasn’t that worried and that she would come later to check on him. Alec looked like he should be sleeping for a week and he probably could but he didn’t move to lie back down and agreed to drink some more to keep hydrated.

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice shook under a chill and Magnus instantly took the glass from him and pulled the blanket up over his shoulders.

“You cold?”

Alec took the edges of the blanket from under it and pressed it to his chin. “Yeah, but that’s nothing new. I… What if the medicine doesn’t work? What if the fever gets higher? You have to leave.”

Magnus had completely forgot about the meeting, but there was no way he was leaving Alec alone, so he’d had to reschedule that, again.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Alec sighed and looked at Magnus’s hand on his knee. “You know you have to. They have tried everything. I was the one who received the case in the first place. They don’t need another warlock; they need _you._ Today.”

Magnus moved to sit on the edge of the mattress and leaned in to get contact with Alec’s gaze. “They can wait another day.” He knew it was a lie and that lives were at stake if they couldn’t get this demon trap reinforced. The worst thing was that Alec was the Inquisitor and knew this just as well as himself.

“They can’t.” Alec looked as devastated as he sounded. He was never sick, but between stress headaches and injuries Alec never complained. He wasn’t scared of a fever now either, not for himself.

Magnus smiled and kissed Alec’s cheek, notching again how warm he was.

“We have time. Let’s just keep checking that it’s going the right way.”

Magnus took the thermometer and waited for Alec to nod. He lightly took Alec’s chin smiled as he pushed the thermometer in his ear. It didn’t go unnoticed that Alec tensed his neck and held his breath, but he relaxed as soon as the beep sounded.

“101.1” Magnus checked the number again before placing it back next to the package of pills that should have prevented the increase.

“It’s gone up.” Alec’s light whisper matched the fear rising in his eyes and his suddenly strained breathing.

With all the confidence Magnus could muster up, he cupped Alec’s cheeks and smiled. “It’s not that much and the pills haven’t had a chance to work yet.”

Alec nodded but definitely didn’t feel comforted by the statement.

“C’mon. Lie down, you need to rest.”

Again, Alec just nodded and he silently pushed himself lower in the bed and laid down when Magnus had removed one of the pillows.

While getting water and towels from the bathroom, Magnus texted Catarina with the new temperature and added that Alec was getting more nervous. He didn’t think it was a symptom, but maybe it could make everything worse if Alec couldn’t relax.

Catarina texted back right away and didn’t seem worried by development, but asked that they check at least once an hour. Magnus was sure he would be checking once every half an hour anyway.

Alec was following Magnus’s every move when he sat down on the mattress again and place the tub of water on the chair.

“Try and relax a little, Alexander.” Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand and then placed it on his chest under the blanket. Alec moved it automatically down to his belly.

“I can’t, Magnus. It doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t be sick.”

Magnus wrong a towel in the cold water and placed it to the side of Alec’s neck. Sluggishly, Alec tried to pull away from the touch, but Magnus carefully held his head still with a hand in his hair. “It’s just influenza. It happens.”

Alec hummed in what seemed as annoyance as Magnus moved the towel to his forehead, but soon he accepted the gesture even while shaking his head lightly at Magnus’s failed assurance.

“But it doesn’t. I don’t ever get sick. It’s not a coincidence that it happens now.” Alec pulled the blanket down a little and took Magnus’s wrist, removing his hand and the towel from his face. “Magnus. It’s something else.”

“No, Cariño. It’s not.” Magnus dropped the towel in the tub and leaned over Alec, cupping his cheek with a calm hand. “There’s a reason this hits now. Catarina agreed when I suggested an explanation as to why.”

Alec’s hand stirred on his chest and it seemed as the other arm was wrapped even tighter around his belly. “Why?”

Slowly, Magnus brushed his thumb over Alec’s cheekbone and then kissed his lips slowly. “When was the last time you’ve had the flu?”

Alec shook his head and Magnus nodded to himself as he sat back up and wrung the towel once again.

“You haven’t had it since you started using your runes, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer but paused to lie the towel on Alec’s forehead, this time without protest.

“You and your siblings. Probably most shadowhunters, use the stamina and iratze to get over or through illness. You can’t now and your body’s immune system isn’t strong enough because it never needed to be.”

Alec frowned and looked away as he was thinking. “It makes sense.” Alec seemed to be only talking to himself. “I was stupid.”

This was not the reaction Magnus was going for. He sighed and moved the towel to Alec’s neck so he could see his eyes better. “It’s not your fault. You’re all raised like warriors; besides you didn’t know you would end up pregnant.”

It felt good to see Alec retaliating the smile, Magnus sent him. He relaxed into the pillow more too. “I should talk to Izzy.”

Magnus chuckled. “Yeah sure. But not this very moment. I’m not even sure if a normal pregnancy have the same restrictions as yours. Please just get some sleep.” Magnus looked at the clock. It wasn’t more than two hours till he had to leave and he needed Alec to get better first.

“Magnus?” Alec looked up at him with tired eyes but somehow he looked as if he’d remembered how to be glad.

“Alexander. Please.” Magnus wrong the towel and placed it back, but Alec pushed his hand away and demanded his attention.

“Promise me that we won’t let our kids use magic like that. They have to be able to handle a simple flu if they suddenly don’t have a choice.”

Magnus put a hand on Alec’s shoulder and smiled at him. “I promise. But can we plan how were raising our kids, when you’re not sick?”

Alec nodded and breathed deeply as he closed his eyes and let his head rest back into the pillow. “Just take their pain away.”

Magnus smiled to himself and placed the cold towel carefully on Alec’s forehead. “Try and stop me.”

* * *

Alec tried to move away from the pressure in his ear but the effort only hurt his sore neck and added to his headache.

“Just a second longer Alexander.”

A loud beep sounded and the thing disappeared. It was like he remembered the same thing happening more than once since he’d talked to Magnus last, but this was the first time it was strong enough to wake him.

“Is it down?” Alec blinked his eyes open slowly and flinched by the sparse light in the room as his gaze bit by bit focused on Magnus, sitting in front of him.

“99.9. It’s better.”

“It’s not enough.” His shoulders and elbows hurt as he began to push himself up and with his sight not quite clear enough it was a struggle.

Magnus supported him with a firm hand on his back and placed a pillow behind him. “Take it easy.”

Alec shook his head. “When do you have to leave?”

Magnus looked down and took one of Alec’s hands in both of his. “You’re not well enough.”

“When?” Alec looked straight at Magnus and pulled his hands a little making him look up.

“Twenty minutes. But, Alexander. I’m not leaving you here alone.”

A lump build in Alec’s throat. He didn’t need company, but he did need someone to make sure his fever wasn’t rising. He was too tired to stay awake.

“You don’t have to. We know people.” He tried to make a comforting smile, but he was sure that, the sudden realization that he really wanted just Magnus there, clouded it.

Magnus clearly saw it, but didn’t say anything. He brushed light fingers over Alec’s chin and nodded. “Catarina has four hours left of her shift. Do you want me to call Jace?”

Alec shook his head. Jace had his own problems to deal with, besides Alec didn’t want him to sit bed-watch over him.

“Alexander. I’m not leaving you before someone is here, then who? Izzy?”

Alec swallowed and tears burned at his eyes. He’d never thought he’d feel like this. He looked down and put his free hand on his belly and saw a speck of nervousness on Magnus, so he moved his hand there too, to feel that their babies were both moving. A tear tickled his cheek and Magnus caught it with a thumb.

“Alexander?”

With a deep breath, Alec looked at Magnus. “Can you call my mom?”

“Of course.” Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec’s forehead. “You can take a pill more now and you should drink more water. I’ll call her after.”

When Alec was lying down tugged in with a new and dry blanket, Magnus leaned in an squeezed his shoulder. “Sleep. I’m not going anywhere before she’s here.”

Alec’s eyes welled up again and he blamed half the fever as he did the pregnancy. “What if she can’t come?”

Magnus smiled and kissed his temple. “It’s your mom. She’ll be here.”

* * *

“Alec? Sweetheart?”

Alec didn’t have to open his eyes before answering with a light whisper. “Mom.”

Light and warm fingers touched his cheek. “Hi Sweetheart. Can you wake up for a moment?”

He blinked his eyes open and looked up and his mom sitting on the chair next to his bed. His eyes burned with tears instantly and the lump was back in his throat, making his voice shake and high-pitched. “Mom?”

“Yes Alec.” She took his hand and leaned in to look him in the eyes. “Can I take your temperature, real quick?”

Alec nodded and closed his eyes as she put the thing into his ear. He hated that thing with a passion by now. It made him cringe every time, even if he tried to fight it.

“There.” Maryse brushed a strand of hair from Alec’s forehead. He looked up at her not sure he dared to hope anymore.

“It’s 99.0.” She smiled and put it away. “You’re getting better. How do you feel?”

Alec breathed in deep, giving himself a moment to take status of his body, but didn’t manage to speak before Maryse’s phone buzzed on the bedside table. She picked it up and put a hand on Alec’s as she answered a text.

“Who are you texting?” Maybe it was the news of the fever going down, or maybe he was just more awake that allowed Alec to talk without his voice trembling.

“Let’s see…” Maryse put the phone down and placed a wrong towel on Alec’s forehead. “There’s Catarina who checks in every hour and Magnus who texts every five to ten minutes.” She shook her head lightly with a smile. “He’s going wrap your kids in cotton and bubble-wrap.”

“I know.” Alec almost laughed at the thought of how Magnus would react the first time one of the little ones would scrape a knee.

He then frowned and looked at the time, but couldn’t for the life of him remember what time it was when he was awake last time. “How long have you been here?”

“Little over an hour now.” Her phone buzzed again and she looked over at the screen for a second and chuckled silently. “And of course there Jace too.”

Alec took away the towel and pushed himself up, accepting help from his mom to get seated. “How is he?”

Maryse didn’t look surprised by the question. “He’s worried about you, but other than that he’s fine.”

“His nightmares isn’t back?”

Maryse handed Alec a glass of water and shook her head. “I wondered a few days ago, but Clary said he’d only had one in the last three weeks. She usually tells me when I ask.”

Alec chuckled. “Yeah she’s more worried about keeping things from you than how Jace will react.”

Alec downed half the water, and for the first time, enjoyed the cool feeling of it moving down his throat and cooling his body from the inside. He took of the blanket and when he looked at Maryse again she looked deep in thought.

“Mom?”

She looked up with a slight frown, clearly wondering. “Is she scared of me?”

Alec laughed loudly and ended up coughing, sending pained waves through his skull. Maryse stood up and steadied his shoulders till he was done and able to drink a mouthful more of the water.

“She’s not. She knows you loves her.” Alec took another deep breath, relaxing into the pillow Maryse had moved back up for him. “Mom. Everyone knows that keeping secrets for you about us your kids is not a good idea.” Maryse looked down and Alec took her hand. “Mom. You have seven kids.”

For a second she looked even more confused but then her eyes softened and she sighed with a small nod.

Alec took her hand in both of his and hid a small hiss as he still had to fight his sore joints. “Wouldn’t it be tha same if I held something back about Simon or if Jace lied about something important about Magnus?”

She nodded and smiled at him. “It would. But right now it’s you we’re taking care of. How are you feeling?”

It didn’t make sense why his eyes welled up again. He was better; his fever was going down. The headache was almost gone and he was more awake than he’d been for hours. Still, he couldn’t help it.

His mom noticed his hesitation and had to have seen his chin shivering too. “Sweetheart. Your fever is going down, but are you feeling better?”

He nodded and to his horror a tear rolled down his cheek. Now he was crying in front of his mom, for no reason. He pressed himself back against the pillow and angrily brushed the tear away.

Maryse sat on the edge of the bed and put a calm hand on his cheek. She waited for him to look her in the eyes. “It’s alright, Baby.”

Alec let out a small sob and Maryse pulled him into a warm hug. Her hand rubbing his back and the other lightly supporting the back of his head felt secure. It should be weird and uncomfortable to cry on his mother’s shoulder as a grown man, but it didn’t. His mom, didn’t hush him or tell him to calm down. She just held him and let the last words resonate with him. _It’s alright._

* * *

Maryse only leaned him back against the pillows when Alec moved himself, but she didn’t give him time to be embarrassed before she spoke. “Alec, it’s okay to need that. You’re pregnant and sick, worried about the babies too. Am I right?”

Alec wiped his eyes with his hands and nodded. Maryse sat back on the table and handed him a tissue to get the rest of the tears. “You know? When I was pregnant with you I had a fever much like this.”

Alec swallowed the last of the lump in his throat and looked as his mom, waiting for her to continue.

“It was terrifying. I had no idea what it might do to you even the doctors couldn’t make me feel at ease.”

“But you’re not…” Alec shook his head. He couldn’t imagine his mom like that. She’d always been strong, and knowing exactly what she wanted and how to get it. Even the past few years she’d seemed even stronger.

“When it comes to my kids, everything is terrifying. Your father didn’t leave the room for 26 hours as I was questioning everything. Even after the fever broke after 11 hours.”

It made Alec feel better that it wasn’t just him, that his strong force of a role model had felt the same. She quickly looked to the phone buzzing and smiled but didn’t pick it up.

“I had back pain for eight months when was carrying Izzy and worried every day if I wasn’t healthy enough to take care of her for the whole pregnancy. Max was no different except I was a lot older, and that didn’t help either.”

“Hey.” Alec leaned forward a little and put a hand on his mom. “You weren’t old. You’re still not old.”

Maryse laughed. “No, I’m just seasoned enough to lay some wisdom on you.”

Alec held his breath for a second and folded his hands on his belly, looking down at them. “Mom?”

“Yes sweetheart?” Maryse had lowered her voice and spoke slower.

“When does it stop? The worrying?”

Maryse sighed. “It doesn’t.” She took Alec’s chin and lifted his face slowly, making him look at her. “You will always worry, but it will be easier with time. You will learn to trust them to make good decisions and use what you and Magnus have taught them.” She smiled and handed Alec his phone. “Even Magnus will get there, someday.”

She folded Alec’s hands around the phone hand held them for a second with both of hers. “But no matter how many years pass; both of you will still come running as soon as one of them need you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for hinting with the title, but I'm not telling you the gender of the second baby just yet. Maybe I'm mean, but oh well.  
This got more detailed than expected but I felt like the Maryse-Alec moment needed to have enough room. Please tell me if you liked it.
> 
> I know I hinted Madzie after the last chapter: I promise she will be in the story soon.
> 
> Oh yeah and Merry Christmas!


	18. A family in the making

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's here! The moment you have been waiting for. Not the birth obviously. Nope, the guys go see Catarina in New York again :-)
> 
> And as Geneva put it so beautifully: Bring on the Madzie.

The first thing Alec noticed the next time he woke up was that his headache was gone. The next was that the chair in front of him was empty. He blinked his eyes fully open and saw that the phones on the table was gone too. He took a second to lie still and figure out how he was feeling. The fear of the fever was still deeply in him, and he wasn’t sure it was completely gone. Then he heard his mother’s voice in the living room. Maybe she was on the phone. Was she calling Catarina? Was she worried? What time was it?

But there was another voice. He couldn’t hear it as more than a hum. Maybe Magnus was back. Alec turned to his back, breathing deep as the little girl clearly woke up and kicked her brother or sister.

“Alec?” The voice was close to a whisper but still light and high-pitched and it drew a smile on Alec’s face before he could see her.

He cleared his throat and pushed himself up, not getting all the way to sitting before Madzie slipped through the half open door and ran over the floor. She jumped up and sat on her knees on the mattress. Alec leaned back against the headboard and relished in that his keck and shoulders was only tender and not painfully sore anymore.

“Madzie. Just the girl I needed to see.”

She smiled but quickly looked worried. She looked at Alec from head to toe. “Are you still sick?”

“Not as much as before.” He graced two fingers over her cheek. “I’m a lot better now that you’re here.”

“Catarina says I can’t heal you.” She fiddled her fingers on her thighs and Alec took her little hand in his.

“That’s right. Did she tell you why?”

Madzie nodded and looked at his belly. Looking down himself he chuckled a bit. If Catarina hadn’t told her, Madzie might have asked about his belly before the fever. He was big enough to show even if he had bend his legs and tried to hide it. He hadn’t though.

“She says that the babies might not like it.”

Alec nodded and pushed her chin up a bit so she looked at his face. “And you know that kids are the smart ones, right?”

She smiled wide and nodded.

The door opened all the way and Catarina appeared with Maryse behind her. “Kiddo.”

Madzie looked at Alec as to get the approval to leave. He nodded at her. “Go, let me talk to Catarina for a moment.”

She hugged him quick, and incredibly strong for an eight year old.

“C’mon, Madzie.” Maryse reached out and took her hand as she ran passed Catarina. “You can see him again after.”

After the door was closed behind her, Catarina put her bag on the bedside table and sat down on the chair next to Alec. “Hi Honey. Maryse says your fever is down. How do you feel?”

Alec pushed himself up a bit more and breathed deep. “Better. My headache is gone.”

“That’s a good sign. It’s been over an hour since we’ve got a reading, how about we check your temperature again?”

Alec sighed deep and hoped with all of his heart that it would be the last time. He tensed his neck not to move away, as Catarina pushed the thing in his ear, and felt the fatigue in his sore muscles.

“99.6. It’s within the normal range, and since you’re still cooped up in a blanket I’ll say your fever is gone. Are you still feeling too cold or warm?”

Alec shook his head, but instinctively pulled the blanket a bit higher on his chest. “Not now.”

“Let me check you over and then we’ll listen to the little ones. Have you felt any change in movement?”

“No.” Alec put both hands on his belly and sighed with a smile. “Just as active as always.”

Catarina chuckled and nodded as she took the cuff for measuring blood pressure out of her bag.

His blood pressured turned out to be normal, and even with his pulse a bit high, Catarina seemed satisfied with it. She was sure it would be down when she’d check again after checking on the babies. She looked in his throat and made a note in a note book and tore the page out.

“Give this to Magnus. He has a tea that with help with that sore throat.”

Not thinking about who he was talking with, Alec shook his head and heaved in air, tensing his shoulders.

“Alec, Dear.” She laid a firm hand on his forearm and smiled patiently. “It’s not magic. You’re tired, so I’ll write your mistrust off to that this time.”

“I’m sorry, Catarina.” Alec hated that he doubted everything all the time, even when he knew that he had no reason to.

“It’s fine. You’ll probably still feel that throat for a few days, but Magnus’s tea will make it a lot easier to live with.”

She stood up and gestured for Alec’s neck and waited for him to nod before she felt under his ears and jaw. Alec felt his throat more from the outside pressure but there was no pain or discomfort. Catarina frowned though.

“Are your neck sore or stiff?”

She must have felt him tensing up to try and not move his head.

“It’s not as bad as earlier. It doesn’t really hurt anymore.” He rolled his shoulders a bit to test it and maybe to underline his statement.

She took his arm and bend his wrist and elbow and Alec held his breath for a second until he realized that it got better the more he moved. She did the same with the other one and then put a light hand on his knee.

“As soon as you feel good about standing for a longer time, you should take a hot shower or better yet a bath.”

It sounded as heaven to Alec and he was smiling as the door opened again.

“Alexander.”

Magnus was on his side of the bed faster than Madzie had run in before. He took Alec’s hand and pressed his lips on his forehead for a long kiss before he put his hand on Alec’s cheek and looked him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry I was away so long. How are you?”

Alec squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. “I’ve been sleeping most of the time anyway. And I’m better.”

Magnus looked at Catarina and her huge smile. She nodded in silence. Alec turned Magnus’s face towards himself. “Sweet Love. I’m okay. Okay?”

Magnus nodded and relaxed his hand in Alec’s a bit as he sat all the way down.

“You have good timing.” Catarina pulled the stethoscope out of her bag and placed it in her ears.

Alec picked kissed Magnus’s hand and pushed down the blanket. Catarina lifted Alec’s t-shirt and placed the bell high on his belly. Alec flinched from the cold and Magnus put a hand on his shoulder. Magnus had to have acted instinctively, but that only made Alec feel even better.

Catarina nodded and smiled at the two silent men and then moved the bell a bit to the side. She didn’t look as she found what she was looking for and moved it an inch more but didn’t look worried. When she moved it a third time, Magnus’s fingers bored into Alec’s shoulder.

“Magnus.” Alec whispered as he looked into Magnus’s frightened eyes. He smiled and put his hand on Magnus’s and shook his head. “Breathe.”

Alec took Catarina’s wrist with the other hand and moved it and the bell quite a bit down. Catarina smiled at him instantly and nodded. Magnus swayed for a second as he let out the air he had held in and Alec held back a small laugh.

While still holding the bell in place, Catarina took the pieces out of her ears and handed them to Magnus. Alec could watch Magnus’s face like that all day. His jaw unclenching and letting out easy breaths, the soft look in his eyes and him not caring one bit as they slowly welled up.

Magnus smiled at Catarina and she moved the bell back to the other baby. It didn’t matter to Alec how long Magnus wanted to sit there, but eventually he took the things out of his ears and handed them to Alec.

Alec took them but didn’t use them he kissed Magnus and leaned back. “I feel them kicking me all the time; if Catarina is satisfied…” He looked at her and she smiled, taking the bell away, but Alec put her hand back. “…then I’m good with seeing your reaction.”

Magnus placed a hand on their little girl and leaned in for another kiss and Alec brushed his free hand over his neck. As Magnus leaned back Alec looked at the stethoscope still in his hands. “Well, maybe one more.” He looked at the opening Magnus had left in the door. “Madzie!”

The little girl came running in and Magnus made room for her next to him on the broad side of the bed. Magnus and Alec couldn’t hide their laughs as Madzie looked at Alec’s bare belly.

“Can you believe there’s two in there?” Catarina sat down and joined in watching the girl taking it all in.

“They are small still.” She looked deep in thought and then looked at Alec. “How big are they when they get here?”

“A lot bigger. They have only been in there for half of the time they have to.” Alec couldn’t believe that it was going to be that long. He was already feeling big, but he had to come to terms with that he would be bigger and soon.

“Well.” Catarina put a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Since it’s twins they will most likely come earlier.”

Suddenly it dawned on Alec how not prepared they were. He wanted to hold them in his arms but it terrified him still and they hadn’t even thought about preparing the apartment. Looking up at Magnus it seemed as he’d come to the same conclusion.

Alec took a deep breath and Magnus did the same; that was a conversation for later. Alec handed the stethoscope to Madzie.

“Do you want to hear their hearts beating?”

Madzie nodded and Magnus helped her hold the too-big stethoscope to her ears. She seemed to hear Baby A right away, since she looked up at Catarina with wonder on her small smiling face. Alec moved the bell. “Can you hear the other too?”

Madzie nodded at him.

“That’s the girl.”

She looked from Alec to Magnus and back. “What is the other?”

Magnus took the stethoscope out of her ears and Catarina packed it away. He put a hand on her back. “We don’t know yet, Sweet Pea.” He turned his head to look at Alec. “Next week.”

Alec took his hand and Magnus picked Alec’s up and kissed it.

“C’mon, Madzie.” Catarina pulled Alec’s shirt back down and closed her bag and reached out for Madzie’s hand as she stood.

“So he’s good?” Magnus looked after Catarina as she walked away.

She turned with a big smile. “Yes, Darling. Alec is going to be fine. Check his temperature again tonight and again in the morning if you’re still nervous about it.”

Alec sighed and shook his head at Catarina. They both knew that Magnus would do it even if Alec was doing cartwheels. Actually, especially if he was doing cartwheels. But Alec wouldn’t mind him making perfectly sure, just because it wasn’t just him Magnus was worried about.

* * *

“Mom.”

Maryse had silently stood in the doorway after the portal had closed after Catarina and Madzie. Alec smiled and gestured for her to come in. She took place on the chair and finally Magnus leaned against the headboard and put a hand around Alec’s neck.

“I guess Catarina gave you the all clear?”

Alec nodded. “She did. The babies too.”

“Thank you for coming.” Alec put a hand on her hand and made sure she saw in his eyes that he meant thanks for everything.

“Yes, Maryse. Thank you so much. I wouldn’t have left him if…”

“Oh, I know.” Maryse cut Magnus off with a light and easy tone to her voice. Her and Alec shared a smile, ignoring Magnus’s slightly thoughtful look.

“I guess I just became the third wheel.” She leaned in and squeezed Alec’s hand. “When do I see you next time?”

“We’ll be in New York for an ultrasound next week.” Alec saw the smile on his mother’s face widen. He took Magnus’s hand and laced their fingers. “We desperately need to know the gender of the other baby.”

Maryse nodded and started to talk, but didn’t get the chance to before Alec promptly moved her hand to his belly. Maryse’s eyes settled at her hand and she swallowed deeply. “It’s a strong one.”

Alec laughed. “Yeah, if it’s not a boy, she’s already got a kick like Izzy.”

Maryse sighed and it looked as she blinked back tears as she began to sit up again, but Alec firmly pulled her a bit further and laid her hand lower on his side. “Here’s the firecracker. Our little girl.”

There was no movement at first, but Alec had just felt her and he knew that she was nowhere near done, and sure enough; after a few seconds of silently Alec and Maryse both felt the girl move as if she was doing a long series of somersaults.

Maryse sat back up and nodded as she breathed in deep. “Yeah she’s going to be a handful. Good luck with that one.” She laughed and looked at Magnus who seemed to have no idea that he had a huge smile locked on his face.

“Do you have any ideas for names?”

Alec shook his head. “It’s difficult when we don’t know about the other baby, besides, Magnus says it will _come to us._”

Maryse let out a small chuckle and nodded at them. “I’m sure it will. You have time. Now, is there anything more I can do before I leave?”

“No, thanks for everything.” Alec squeezed Maryse’s hand before letting it go. She nodded at him and stood up. “Magnus, do you mind?” She gestured for the living room where there was room enough for a portal not to knock anything over.

“Mom, wait.” Alec sat up free of the headboard as Magnus left his side. “Can you keep an eye on Jace for me?”

Maryse sighed and shook her head lightly. “I’ll will, but I’m not at the institute that often. You know that. Besides, you two should sit down and talk. You’re worrying too much about each other.”

Alec looked at Magnus, standing next to his mom. He only shrug his shoulders, clearly agreeing with her. With a determined breath, Alec nodded. “You’re right. Tell him that I’m coming tomorrow.”

Maryse walked back to Alec, sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand. “Sweetheart. It’s late and you need your rest. I’ll talk to him tomorrow; there’s no hurry and maybe he’ll rather come here.”

Alec looked at his hand in his mother’s and nodded. She was right, he was overreacting, no one was dying; he could wait a day to recover. Besides, Jace would probably only worry more if he saw him half sick still.

* * *

“Alec, I’m fine. You’re overreacting.”

“And you’re not?!”

Jace turned from looking out on the balcony to looking at Alec standing in the middle of his and Magnus’s living room. “That’s right. I’m not! You’re freaking pregnant and we’re quite literally joined at the hips!”

Alec took a deep breath and slowed himself a little before he took a few steps closer. “What scares you?”

Jace shook his head and turned around, but Alec walked up and turned him back with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Jace. C’mon, I can see you’re not fine. Are you worried about how this…?” He placed a hand on his belly and watched Jace look down. “…how it will effect you?”

Jace sighed sharply and stepped back. “No, Alec you’ve got it wrong.”

“Then tell me!” Alec was loosing his patience. He’d felt Jace’s nerves spiked for a whole day since their mom had given him the choice of place, the day before.

“It’s not me.” Jace spoke with a slow and more airy voice. “I don’t care how I’ll feel. I want to know if you’re freaking out or in pain. But you shouldn’t…”

Jace turned around and Alec watched his brother’s tense shoulders move from the carefully controlled breathing. He stepped up next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, but didn’t try to move him back. “Jace. You can’t go around being scared that it will hurt me if you get’s hurt or needs help.”

“But it’s not just you now.” Jace looked down and Alec waited as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. “Alec, what if I get’s hurt or have a nightmare and you fall? You know how strong the bond is; you could go into early labor just by feeling it.”

Everything Jace was saying explained the worry, the exhaustion and especially the way Jace had observed Alec’s every move the last time he was here. The worst thing was that it was completely reasonable for Jace to think like that, but Jace didn’t know how Alec felt. He felt strong, there was no reason for Jace to fear anything.

Alec stood in front of Jace and took his shoulders. “Jace.” It took a few deep breaths before Jace looked up. “How long has it been since you’ve been in the field?”

Jace avoided eye-contact for a second. “Two weeks. But…”

“But what? There hasn’t been an assignment?” Alec paused and as suspected Jace didn’t answer. “So, how many assignments have you passed on?”

Jace looked up and locked eyes with Alec. “Three. But there’s no way I’m going out there as long as there’s a possibility that something could go wrong with you and your babies. The nightmares are a big enough risk.”

So the nightmares was back. Alec’s stomach sank. He could see Jace hadn’t drawn it to the extreme like last, but they had still come back fast. It was too soon.

“Nightmares?”

Jace sighed and looked as if he hated himself for outing that. He took Alec’s hands from his shoulders and squeezed them shortly before he let them go and walked to sit on the couch on the balcony. “They’re not back. I had one three weeks ago and freaked out that they were starting again. You can’t deal with that now.”

Alec sat down on the coffee table in front of Jace. “Let me worry about what I can handle. How many have you had since that one?”

“Only one more…” he bit the inside of his cheek and looked at his hands folded between his knees. “…and one last night, but Clary have been able to wake me.”

“Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do.” Alec sat up straight and Jace looked up at him a bit startled. “You’re sleeping through tonight. Magnus and I will stay up.”

Jace opened his mouth to object, but Alec cut him off. “You’ll stay for at least two nights, and when you go home, you’ll go back to normal. I’ll be fine. I managed when you and Magnus were hurt, remember?”

“Alec. Don’t. You can’t stay up all night.”

With a smile and a deep sigh, Alec put his hand on his belly that was annoyingly still during the day. “You have no idea how many nights I’ve been awake because of these two. I’ve been sleeping three hours in the office almost everyday for over a week. At least _you_ won’t kick me.”

Jace laughed and nodded. “Okay, you’re more relaxed about this than I am, I see that. But I’ve only had three. That’s not enough to think they’re back.”

“Jace, c’mon.” Alec shook his head realized once again that he would have to have this conversation every time. “You’re getting more nightmares because you’re nervous that you’ll get them and then stops sleeping.

* * *

When Magnus came home it was late and Alec and Jace had already eaten. He was relived that the two of them had found a solution, or at least made a plan. He wasn’t worried about Alec staying up the whole night. Lately he’d slept early in the evening, late mornings and in the office anyway. Still he looked and acted better than in a long time. Even with the leg cramps, heartburn and the shortness of breath that was starting to worry Magnus a little, Alec was mostly in an amazing mood, and completely back to their normal level of sex-drive. Truth be told, that was the first thing Magnus thought of when he heard that Jace would be staying.

Alec had slept a few hours after dinner and then they had set up in the guest room. Jace was unusually quiet, but Magnus didn’t question it. He was tip-toeing around and only silently doing what Alec told him. Soon he was on his back under the covers and Alec was seated next to him against the headboard.

“You’re not going to lie down?” Jace spoke for the first time in half an hour.

Alec looked at Magnus with a smile and Magnus chuckled as he sat down on the chair next to Jace. “Alec is more relaxed sitting or on his side. The babies are invading on the room where his lungs usually fill up.”

Jace lifted his head and looked with a frown from one to the other. “Isn’t that too soon? I mean, they have to get a lot bigger still.”

Alec put a hand on Jace’s shoulder and made him lie all the way down. “It’s normal, a bit sooner since there’s two and well, a woman would have more room, but we’ve got it. We have plans for everything now.”

Magnus and Alec had more plans now and was prepared for a lot more after Catarina had gotten involved. The first small contraction had scarred the hell out of both of them, but only for a short minute as it stopped quickly and they had been prepared. Still, Magnus knew that they had most likely forgotten something, something they hadn’t even thought of. They had a track record of that now, so why would that change completely?

Jace didn’t seem to believe them completely, but he relaxed nonetheless and took Alec’s hand as he offered. “You sure this is fine?” He looked at Magnus, clearly trusting him more than Alec when it came to Alec’s health.

“It is. I’ll stop it if he gets too tired. Besides, it’s possible that you won’t even have a nightmare and I’ll take the magic off after a few hours, then I can wake you.”

Jace nodded and gave Alec a quick look before he closed his eyes and nodded for Magnus to go on. Magnus noticed Jace’s hand fiddling a little to get a better grip on Alec’s but he didn’t object like the last time. Even if it was because Alec was there, it felt good to have Jace trust that he wouldn’t hurt him. The two lights were placed and settled on Jace’s forehead and chest and Magnus leaned back, satisfied that Jace was sleeping calmly.

Alec waved Magnus over to sit at his side. He clearly wasn’t worried that Jace would have a nightmare they couldn’t make go away, but Magnus was hesitant in moving the chair over. Alec seemed just a little too confident. What if they missed it? What if the babies made it difficult to sense Jace?

He sat down and Alec took his hand with his free. “How well is he under? Can he hear us?”

Magnus swallowed and looked investigative at Alec. This was hardly the time. Alec had clearly taken pregnancy-brain to a whole new meaning.

“Alexander. What in the world are you thinking?”

A horrified look crossed Alec’s face and then he right out laughed, before looking at Jace and lowered his voice. “No, Magnus!” He hissed out in a sharp whisper. “I thought I was the one with the dirty mind. C’mon, get your head straight.”

Magnus shook his head at himself and looked down at their joined hand. He sighed deeply and looked up. “Sorry, you’ve been rather unpredictable lately, I thought you’ve lost your mind completely.” He looked at Jace sleeping calmly. “But, no he can’t hear us unless I open up for it.”

“I’m not _that_ bad.” Alec shook his head but leaned in to kiss Magnus’s lips shortly.

Magnus didn’t feel good sitting this far from Jace for this long but he would have to trust that Alec’s hand in his was enough to detect if something was happening.

“What was it then?” He looked up at Alec and quickly laid eyes on Jace again.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to make Jace stay here more than two nights. You should know that it’s me keeping him here and that he’s not overstaying his welcome.”

Magnus put his other hand over their hold on each other. “Okay, of course he should stay. If it makes one or both of you better.” Magnus wasn’t keen on houseguests but in this case he saw only benefits for both Alec and Jace.

“It will.” Alec looked at his sleeping brother. “He needs to see that I’m okay and not walking around sick and miserable. He needs to be able to live his life.”

Magnus did his best to silence his laugh even though he knew Jace wouldn’t hear a bomb go off. “You’re right. But you’re turning in to quite the protective parent.”

“C’mon.” Alec shook his head and smiled wide. “We both know who the mama bear in this family will be.”

Convinced that Alec was right he just accepted with a smile. Eager to get back to Jace’s side, he stood up and kissed Alec’s forehead but was interrupted by a hiss from Alec and his hand squeezing harder on Magnus’s hand. Magnus dropped back on the chair and looked at Alec’s face. He smiled back at him, seemingly okay.

“You or Jace?”

Alec placed Magnus’s hand on his belly and sighed. “Me. It was just a small contraction. It was the first today.”

Magnus looked at the time. It was over eleven so he quickly gathered himself. “Guess it’s a good sign that your practicing.”

Alec smiled but his face dropped the same second and he let go of Magnus’s hand. “Jace.”

Magnus rubbed sparks between his fingers as he ran to the other side of the bed. Jace’s didn’t show anything before Magnus placed an index and middle finger on both Jace’s temples. Magnus knew that the hum Jace made was from the nightmare and not a reaction to his magic and it only made him work harder and faster.

“Jace, you’re safe. You’re with us.” He spoke quietly. The path was open and he knew that it would make no difference if it was louder, yelling could possibly scare him away.

For a second Magnus had to hold Jace’s head from turning and he forced the magic further in to find contact, making the yellow and white sparks spread over both sides of his face.

“Come back, Jace.”

Alec sat up on his knees and Magnus nodded at him. He leaned in a bit closer holding Jace’s hand in both of his. “Jace. You’re here. Safe. With Magnus and me.”

Jace took a deep breath and Magnus felt his presence stronger. “There you are. Good job.” Magnus let go of Jace’s head and sat back. He knew it was that for this one, but still he looked at Alec for confirmation. With a nod and a deep breath, Alec agreed.

“That was a bad one.” Alec sat down with crossed legs, facing Jace and Magnus. He kept Jace’s hand in both of his.

“Were we late?” Magnus hated to ask if Alec had missed it but he needed to know if they could make it easier on Jace next time. “Alexander, were we distracted?”

Alec shook his head. “No. I felt our bond the whole time. He just had a bad one.”

Magnus sighed with relief and then instantly felt bad for his reaction. If they hadn’t messed up that meant that it could be bad again, and there was no reason to be glad about that.

* * *

There had only been one more nightmare and it was gone. Alec hardly felt it and it ended almost before Magnus could finish the first sentence. After eight hours Magnus too the magic off and when Jace woke up half an hour later he was in a good mood. Alec felt good, but was tired. He must have looked like it too, because Jace had asked him to go sleep more than once during breakfast. Alec had promised to go right after, but when it dawned on Jace that Alec hadn’t been able to use his stamina rune this time, he’d practically threatened Magnus with a phone call to both Maryse and Izzy if he didn’t pull Alec to bed that second.

Alec got five hours and after, much to Jace’s dismay, he decided to go to the office at the Clave to get some work done before it got too late. Alec had planned it all out during dinner last night, but Jace didn’t need to know that when he in the short argument told him that he should just join him. They would love a visit from Jace in the training hall and, as Alec told him; if would be an option to use his skills without worrying about the parabatai bond.

During that day Jace had promised his presence for training for four days, which was till the day where they were going to New York for a check with Catarina and for the ultrasound.

The next night there was no nightmares and none the third either. Alec started to believe that they were just there out of worry for him and now Jace was beginning to see that things were okay.

On day three, Alec decided to meet Jace in the hall after work. He’d been doing cardio and over the past weeks he’s used countless hours pounding on the boxing bag. It got tedious a long time ago and now Jace was there so he could actually train with a moving target even if he was just that. Jace had never used the punch mitts before, they’d never seen the need to not hitting back. They hadn’t really used a lot of time boxing in general, but this had to be the way now, since Catarina had restricted his training again and now he couldn’t kick or roll.

“You sure about this?” Jace didn’t hide that he was looking at Alec’s belly.

Alec had to admit that it was beginning to look ridiculous. Magnus had had to fix his dress shirts and training shirts since no one made clothes for flat chested people. But he felt good. He balance was a bit off, but that was half the reason he was training.

“I’m good, come over here so I can beat you up.”

Jace shook his head with a laugh and walked over the empty room. Everyone had gone home for the day and, although he would never say it out loud, it made Alec feel better that no one else saw him like this.

After half an hour Jace put the mitts down and refused to press Alec any further. Alec would have called it quits soon anyway. He was getting winded. He hated the feeling of not being able to fill his lungs completely. It wasn’t bad; he didn’t notice it when he was standing or sitting except now that he needed the extra air.

Jace offered him a hand and helped him sit down against the wall. He handed him a bottle of water and sat down next to him, downing almost half of his own.

“I get it Alec.” Jace relaxed his arms on his bend knees. “You still carry quite the punch and you don’t seemed that hindered by that.” He looked at Alec’s belly and smiled. “You’re okay. I get it.”

Alec smiled and took as deep a breath as he could manage. “Good. Does that mean we can do this again tomorrow?”

“If you want, sure. I’m sure wee both sleep better from it.”

Alec nodded to himself and drank some of the water, letting it cool him. How was it possible to be this hot and still with for nothing more than a warm bath? He looked at Jace and for the first time in days noticed how his back was relaxing around his breathing.

“So, about sleep tonight?” Alec waited for Jace to look up. “Last night Magnus only used magic to make you sleep. We were both in the room, but I could feel that you were good, so we just kept an eye on you like mom and dad did when we were little. I think you’re good. One of us will stay up but in the next room, what do you say?”

Alec had expected Jace to object and demand that he didn’t need a guard in the next room but he just agreed with a nod and a small smile. “Thanks. But if Magnus doesn’t mind, I would like that you got to sleep.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t. He want me to sleep too. Let’s take that up with these two.” He put a hand on his belly. When he looked up Jace was still smiling.

When the cramp hit, Alec hated that he was close to Jace and that he couldn’t hide it on his face. They weren’t hurting him, just annoyingly surprising.

“Alec?” Jace put his hand on Alec’s shoulder and sat on his knees.

Alec sighed with a smile and mirrored the hold on the shoulder. “It’s normal, Jace. Calm down.”

Jace looked him in the eyes and only frowned, clearly sizing Alec up, trying to detect if he was lying.

“Catarina says that it’s my body practicing for the birth. It’s not painful, it’s just not comfortable and they sneak up on me every time.”

Jace let go of Alec and as back down on the floor. “How often does that happen?”

Alec hadn’t had one since that night in the guest room. He figured he should have known that he was overdue for a new trial. “One every few days. If you’re not convinced that it’s alright, we can call Catarina.”

It was a sincere offer. Alec didn’t want this little hiccup making Jace questioning everything again. But Jace shook his head and stood up, offering Alec his hand.

“No, I see you’re not worried about it. I guess I just needed a tune-in on the bond. Let’s get to the showers.”

Again Alec was glad no one had to see him. He was sure Jace already knew it and would have suggested to go home if the showers wasn’t divided. One thing was training, but looking like this, no one but Magnus was going to see him without clothes.

* * *

After two more nights without nightmares and Alec actually sleeping too, Alec was now back, sitting on the exam table clutching on to Magnus’s hand, looking at Catarina turning on the screen. The exam had went problem free, and Catarina had been satisfied with everything. The talk that had seemed more like an interrogation had lasted for far too long already, when Magnus started asking Catarina questions. He was worried about the shortness of breath. Eventually Alec and Catarina had been able to convince him that it was fine for now and that they had plenty of time to figure it out before it got worse.

Catarina lifted Alec’s shirt and Alec laced his, already red and white, fingers between Magnus’s. It had been impossible to pretend that they weren’t freaking out about learning the gender of baby A. Jace had laughed at Magnus’s airy voice all morning but had still given them more room to hold hand and share small moments, than he had the other days.

Magnus put his other hand over their intertwined fingers and kissed Alec slowly.

“So, are you ready, or do you need a moment?” Catarina all but laughed out loud as she broke in.

Alec shook his head and swallowed. “Don’t let us wait any longer. It was only as a courtesy I didn’t demand that we did this when we first got in here.”

“Yeah. I noticed that you have both been a bit distracted.” She squeezed out the cold gel on Alec’s belly and he jumped. “Sorry Dear. Let’s check on Baby A first then.”

She turned the screen as soon as she got a view and moved the scanner over his belly. It didn’t take long before they all saw the baby clear. Alec heard Magnus gasp and instinctively he looked for the nearest chair, just in case Magnus needed to sit. The baby was so much bigger now and it was also much easier to see that it was in fact a baby.

“Everything looks good.” Catarina held the device still and looked closely on the screen. Alec was sure that if she turned on the sound they would hear his own heartbeat overpowering the two little ones.

“Catarina?” Alec couldn’t get out much more than a whisper, but Magnus reacted and put his hand on Alec’s shoulder, as if to calm him, but Alec was sure it calmed Magnus more than him.

“Sorry, guys. Hang on.” She looked from one to the other and then moved the scanner a bit back where it was before. “See. Everything is perfect. He’s very healthy.”

Alec’s lungs didn’t need room at all. They didn’t seem to need air. He stared at the screen in silence and watched where Catarina pointed. It was quite obvious when he looked at the right place.

“Alexander?” Magnus’s hand slid slowly through Alec’s hair and Alec turned his head to look up, only to learn that he was the one with teary eyes. Magnus smiled and a light kiss landed on his forehead. “Alexander. Our little girl will have a brother. We are having a son.”

Suddenly he really needed room for that air. Alec breathed as deep as he could and as he closed his eyes Magnus thumbed away a single tear on his cheek.

“Alexander.” Magnus cupped his cheek with a light palm and kissed his lips. “Say something.”

Alec wasn’t sure he could. Even in this moment he was sure it wouldn’t have made a difference if it was a girl, but having clarification on how their family would look like, was just such a release that he didn’t know how to handle it.

“I’ll give you five minutes before I’ll check on the girl.” Catarina handed Alec a towel to wipe the gel off, but Alec didn’t realize catch up before Magnus had already done it and sat on the edge of the table next to him.

He put both hands on Alec’s cheeks and looked him in the eyes. “Sayang, are you with me?”

Alec nodded and bit his lower lip.

“Good.” Magnus leaned in and lightly touched his forehead against Alec’s. “We’re having a girl _and_ a boy. Now breathe so we can check on our girl and get out of here to talk about names.”

More settled from the touch and the words, Alec came back to the time and place and smiled up at Magnus. “Okay.” He held Magnus’s neck lightly and kissed him soft and slow. “But I need to see him again too. And we need new pictures.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another kinda cute chapter. I hope you're not bored with the way things are going. But rest assured; I'm not letting go of the angst completely, buckle up ;-)
> 
> I'm absolutely floored but the amount of love I get in the comments on this work. It's my first work in this fandom and it was started on impulse from a question just to write something for Shadowhunters. I never thought it would be this big, but I can't help working on it in my head constantly. (I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out an ending.)  
I love every single comment and I'm amazed to learn that some are coming back again every time I post and that some are jumping in as new readers even when it's this long.  
If you care to leave a comment, please tell me if you are a new reader or have been here a while (some of you I know about obviously ;-) )


	19. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus has just learned that the second baby is a boy. While they finish the ultrasound, Jace and Simon are waiting outside. But the ultrasound shows more than gender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst and heavy feelings are back with a vengeance.  
I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me too much.
> 
> This chapter has a few trigger warnings. Not to spoil the chapter and give you an option to not read them; I've written them in the end notes for the chapter. (No suicidal thoughts. That won't be in this story at all.)

Jace had skipped another hunt, but only because Izzy and Clary was already on the way out when he came back with Alec and Magnus. He was going on the next one. He’d been overreacting; Alec was stronger than he’d thought possible. Sitting here wit Simon outside the medical ward waiting for news, he was glad he didn’t go though. Not only was he his stomach filling with butterflies that wasn’t his but seconds ago they all left at once and he’d all but passed out from knowing Alec’s happiness.

Simon had walked back and forth for half an hour and only stopped every two minutes to gaze at the door and then begin again. Jace had tried to make him sit, but he’d been like this every time they were about to get news or the conversation had fell on the topic of Alec’s pregnancy. Simon had been cool whenever he was in the room with Alec and Magnus, but Jace had begun to see it for what it was; nerves and shock.

“How long can it take?”

Jace sighed and smiled at Simon. “Knowing my brother and Magnus, they could probably stay in there the whole day, if Catarina don’t stop it.”

“Aren’t you excited? Don’t you want to know if everything is as it should be? Don’t you want to know the gender of the second baby.” Simon spoke too fast even for him.

“Of course, but Alec is good. Everything is fine.”

It was like Simon breathed a slightly deeper and let his shoulders drop a little. He folded his arms over his chest and sighed as stood with his back against the wall.

Jace shook his head to himself and leaned back in the chair but suddenly froze up. What came back to him wasn’t butterflies but rather rumbling burning coal. Gasping for air he folded around his stomach.

“Jace!” Simon’s hand was on his shoulder and Jace could do nothing but shake his head as he gathered himself.

The pain was only a second but his strained breathing and the unsettling knowledge that something was horribly wrong was still very present. When he sat up his hand was crushing Simon’s forearm and the other instinctively pressed firmly over his parabatai rune.

“Alec.” He only pressed the name out under a breath before he let go of Simon and stood on his feet a little too quick. Simon grabbed his shoulders with both hands.

“Hey. Take a second.” He tried to press him back down but Jac wasn’t moving an inch further from that door. “Jace, what’s going on?”

“Something’s wrong.” He pushed himself passed Simon but the fast vampire caught up and stood between him and the door.

“You can’t go in.”

“Let me pass!” Jace was seconds from throwing Simon across the room and run through the medical ward on the other side of the door. The big room between him and Alec was too far. It was already going to take him too long to get to the exam room.

Simon held Jace’s shoulders firmly, not moving an inch. “Jace. They will call you in when they’re ready.”

Jace shook his head. “Alec is hurting.” He made another attempt for the door, but Simon grabbed the handle behind his back and held it still.

“He will call for you.”

The anger rose like heat through his body and Jace grabbed Simon’s upper arms and stared straight into his eyes. “Listen to them.”

Simon frowned for a second as if he hadn’t understood, but then he sighed and shook his head. “Jace, I’m not going to eavesdrop on a medical exam.”

“You are!” Jace took a step back to show his will to compromise, but Simon better not think to long about it. “You listen to what is going on and convince me that I shouldn’t go in. If not, I’m knocking you out and breaking down the doors even if they’re both locked.”

Jace heard his own fast breathing hissing through his nose for a few seconds too long before Simon nodded and relaxed a bit against the door, but didn’t let go of the handle.

Jace took another step back and watched Simon concentrate.

“So?”

Simon held up a hand to silence Jace and shook his head slowly. “They’re talking quietly. Catarina is repeating Magnus’s name as if she want him to speak.”

“Is he not answering?” The parabatai rune was still pulling air from Jace’s lungs and Magnus not answering Catarina only added angst of his own on top.

Simon shook his head but then froze to listen. “He asked; _how long?_”

Jace waited for Simon to give him the answer to the question he had no idea what was about, but there was no answer.

“She’s not saying anything.”

Out of nowhere, Simon turned and look ed straight at Jace. Fear was painted over his face as he opened the door. “I won’t listen but I’ll hear if you call me to come help.”

* * *

The short but desperately fast run passed the beds in the medical ward left Jace winded, but he froze every muscle when he tore open the door to the exam room.

“Magnus, calm down.” Catarina was pushing Magnus backwards away from Alec. Magnus’s fast breathing and unsteady legs would have caught Jace’s attention first if it wasn’t from his glowing eyes and the blue lights swirling around his hands. Catarina stopped on the far side of the room and shook Magnus’s shoulders in small jerks trying to find his line of sight. “Magnus! Listen to me!”

“Please, Magnus.” Alec’s voice was unusually small for such a stressful situation. He swung his legs to the floor, and sat on the edge of the exam table. He was moving too fast to keep his balance and Jace was by his side in a second to keep him seated.

“Alec. What’s going on?” It was hard not to shout through Catarina’s pleas for Magnus to come back to reality, but Jace managed to keep somewhat calm for Alec.

Alec just shook his head and tried to stand up. “Magnus. Breathe, come over here.”

Catarina shot a quick look at Alec. “Alec stay there.” She caught eyes contact with Jace long enough for him to understand that none of them should move closer.

She turned back to Magnus. “Magnus! Look at me!”

Alec pushed Jace’s hand away, but Jace hastily grabbed him again and held him seated. For the first time Alec looked at him and Jace saw the water building in his eyes.

“Alec. Let Catarina handle it. She’s a warlock too, remember?”

Alec shook his head and swallowed deeply, but he stopped pushing at Jace’s hands. Jace sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around him.

They both watched as golden sparks was quickly forming a cloud around Magnus. Catarina took Magnus’s chin in a firm grip and lifted his face to look at her. “Magnus! Look at me!”

Jace felt Alec hold his otherwise rapid breathing when Magnus’s eyes locked with Catarina’s.

“Good Magnus.” She lowered her voice and spoke slower, but just as firm as before. “Keep looking at me.”

Magnus nodded but quickly laid his glowing eyes on Alec and the blue swirls around his hands became darker and moved faster.

“No!” Catarina turned them so Magnus had his back against Alec and Jace. Alec gasped and took Jace’s forearm in a tight grip.

“Here, Magnus.” She lifted his face again. “Only me for now.”

Magnus nodded and his magic slowed down around him.

“Good. Now take a deep breath for me.” Catarina’s calm voice didn’t seem to have any effect on Magnus’s rapid heaving for air but she kept her calm and moved a few inches closer to his face. “Just one breath. We’ll worry about the next after. C’mon.”

A few seconds later, Jace saw Magnus’s shoulders rise slower and his back widened from his breathing almost without shaking. It took a few more seconds before the gold around him faded. Catarina reached into the blue light and took Magnus’s hand and placed it on his own chest. “Keep going, Darling. Slow everything down.”

Magnus dropped his head and faced the floor and seconds after the hand they could see, lost the blue light.

Alec wasn’t moving in Jace’s hold but his breathing kept changing as if he wanted to speak. Jace squeezed him a bit tighter and turned his face so they could see each other. He shook his head and didn’t let Alec look back, before he was sure he understood.

Magnus’s back moved faster again and for a second Jace feared that it would start all over, but then he heard him sniffle and Catarina hugged him tight.

She nodded at Alec and Jace let him go to take her place.

“I’m sorry Alexander. I lost it.”

Alec put his hand in Magnus’s hair and pressed them tighter. “Don’t.” Alec’s voice was still excruciatingly small and his empty eyes looking at the wall tore Jace to pieces. Somehow he wished that Alec was crying too.

Jace stood up and joined Catarina next to the still going ultrasound. “Catarina?” Jace realized that his own voice was shaking too.

Catarina took his hand and walked him to the far side of the room. “I guess you came in here, because you felt Alec’s… fear…? Pain?”

He wasn’t sure what he’d felt exactly, but Alec was hurting. And it had come from out of the blue. “Is he… is he sick… in pain?” What if something was wrong with Alec’s insides? How would they fix that with two babies in there too?

Catarina shook her head but sighed deeply as she looked up at the two men slowly letting go of each other. Jace wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, but he couldn’t stop himself in walking to their sides.

“Alec? Magnus?” He looked at Magnus’s wet and red face decorated with black lines running over his cheeks. Alec wasn’t making eye contact and his tears hadn’t spilled yet. “Alec, what happened?”

Alec shook his head and pulled Magnus close to his side. “It’s the…” His voice cracked and he swallowed, again stopping his tears.

Catarina came over in silence and took Alec’s and Jace’s hands, making them walk to the chairs in the corner, Magnus’s following in Alec’s hold. When they were seated all three she hunched down in front of Alec and Magnus and put a hand on each their knee. “Do you want me to give you a break?”

Alec looked at Magnus and then nodded at her.

“Okay. I’ll be right outside when you’re ready for me to answer your questions.” She stood up and put a hand on Jace’s shoulder waiting for him to look up at her. Jace’s stomach churned as he saw tears in her eyes too. “Call me in here if you need me.”

Jace nodded and sighed to gather himself before looking back to the two men, holding each other’s hands firmly on the armrest between them. He waited to the door closed behind him, before he sat on the edge of the chair and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Alec? Don’t think. Just say it.”

“It’s the… It’s our…” Alec looked at Magnus who nodded and placed his other hand on their hold on each other.

Magnus took a deep breath and new tears drew a black line more over each cheek. “It’s the girl. She’s not…” Magnus looked down and swallowed.

Jace’s heart dropped. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t even want to think it. He needed Magnus to continue; to tell him that he was drawing the wrong conclusion. He pulled the chair close enough that his knees touched Alec’s and Magnus’s. He put a hand on Magnus’s shoulder and breathed in deep, but still only a whisper came out. “She’s not _what?_ Will she be okay?”

A tear rolled over Alec’s cheek and he looked up. “We don’t know… Catarina don’t think so.” His free hand fiddled with the pants seam on the side of his knee. Jace took his hand and held it tight.

“Jace.” Alec sniffled and looked up at him. “Her lungs are not right. They won’t be ready in time.”

Jace wanted to tell Alec that it would all work out. He wanted to stop this pain that wasn’t just Alec’s anymore. He wanted to do something, but he just sat there, looking into his brother’s empty eyes and then to Magnus who again was working to control his breathing.

“Jace…” Alec’s voice was only a whisper but it was clear that he needed a reaction from him.

Alec’s chin quivered for only a second before Jace pulled him into a tight hug. Magnus’s hands on Alec’s was awkwardly between them, but only till Jace pulled him in too. Magnus shook in Jace’s hold and pressed his face into Jace’s shoulder, gasping in his silent crying. The contrast to Jace’s other side was striking; Alec wasn’t moving, his breathing seemed normal, almost calm. Still his arm was tighter around Jace’s back than he could remember it ever being before.

They stayed like that till Magnus slowly calmed and sat back up. Alec followed his move but kept his eyes on the floor. The amount of questions was spinning to break out of Jace’s mind and holding Alec’s hand he looked at Magnus for answers.

“What does this mean? Can’t you do something? Can’t Catarina?”

Magnus shook his head. “We didn’t get that far.” She shifted a bit in the chair and covered Alec’s hand fully in both of his. “I freaked out. I couldn’t control my magic.”

Alec looked at Magnus’s hands on his and shook his head slowly. “It’s alright. Nothing happened.”

Jace wasn’t sure what this meant. Maybe he was still denying what Alec felt, but he couldn’t be sure about anything before he had the full story. I didn’t want to believe the worst.

“Magnus. You asked Catarina; _how long?_ How long, what?”

Alec looked quickly at Magnus and with a strained breath he rested his forehead on his shoulder and closed his eyes. Jace was sure he didn’t want to hear it, but had just given Magnus the permission to say it anyway. Magnus took one of his hands from his hold on Alec’s and wrapped an arm around his back. He kept his eyes locked at the two hands still joined on his thigh.

“We don’t know what will happen if we try to heal her before she’s born. It could risk both of them. I asked…” He moved his hand into Alec’s hair and leaned his cheek on the top of his head. “We needed to know how long she could live after birth. How long we have to save her.”

This was too much. This couldn’t be happening. Jace wasn’t sure Alec would ever recover from this. He didn’t want to ask, but he couldn’t stop himself from whispering. “And?”

Magnus shook his head and looked up. Jace wasn’t sure how he had any more tears. “She only shook her head as an answer, then I… She didn’t have time to explain more.”

* * *

They had called in Catarina and with Alec silent between them, they got all the horrible truths. The boy was fine, Jace hadn’t even realized that it was a boy and he couldn’t really think about that now. If the girl didn’t develop her lungs faster than she had, she wouldn’t be able to live more than minutes. She wasn’t sick; it was how her body was, and it would take longer than that to save her.

The room fell quiet after and tears were now running over Jace’s face too. Catarina had wiped hers away, but Jace could hear it on her voice that she couldn’t see a solution. It didn’t matter. Jace would find one. As soon as Magnus and Alec had processed this, they could find one together.

Catarina looked from one man to the other, but Jace didn’t have anymore questions. Only the ones he’d already got answered, but still had to hold back from asking again.

Magnus looked deep in thought and then he placed his hand on Alec’s belly. “But she’s so active.”

“I know.” Catarina spoke quieter as if she didn’t really want to comment on the statement. “She doesn’t need her lungs yet.”

A sob crossed Alec’s lips and he let go of both men and wrapped his arms around his belly. The gasps for air shook him as he cried and Magnus automatically took his shoulder. Jace moved to hunch down next to him and took the other.

“Alexander.” Magnus tried and leaned close to his ear, but Alec did nothing but curl down further and shed tears over his arms.

Jace prayed for him to stop for minutes as he slowly and firmly rubbed his back, but Alec didn’t move, he didn’t even make a sound except the desperate short heaved his lungs pulled in air with and the occasional sniffle.

Magnus’s pleas for Alec to respond did nothing and eventually Catarina joined in. She sat on both knees close in front of Alec, looking directly up at his face. With a calm hand on his knee she spoke calmly. “Alec, Dear. Let’s get you to a bed.”

Alec pushed himself a bit closer to Magnus but didn’t answer and didn’t stop his crying.

“Can we go home?” Magnus held Alec close. Clearly wanting to protect him as much as Jace wanted.

Catarina nodded and stood up to open a portal. Magnus looked at Jace for a second, silently asking him to help. Jace wasn’t going to let them leave alone anyway. It seemed as if Alec didn’t understood what was happening and fought the movement as they pulled him to his feet. It was just as big of a struggle to keep him up, as he was still holding his babies tight and shaking from the crying which seemed to have taking over completely.

With Catarina’s support they got Alec situated in his and Magnus’s bed and as if he acted from pure habit he pulled the duvet to his chin. Curled up on his side, only showing his head outside the cover he still cried.

Magnus kneeled on the floor in front of his face and it hurt Jace’s lungs that Alec didn’t react to Magnus brushing his hand through his hair.

Catarina put a hand on Magnus’s shoulder and hunched down. “Magnus. I think we should give him something to calm down.”

Magnus turned to look at her and Jace saw the confusion and doubt clearly on his face.

“Darling. He’s not going to snap out of it without help. He needs rest.”

Magnus looked up at Jace, who had retracted to the doorway after Alec was in bed. It was clear that Magnus wanted help to make this decision, and since Alec couldn’t do it, he was it. But he didn’t know. Jace took a step closer and breathed in deep. “Is it okay to do that? I mean with the pregnancy?”

Catarina looked up with a soft smile. “It is, Jace. You know I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t.”

Jace knew; he just needed to hear it. He didn’t judge his own reasoning in all of this. Catarina stood up and slowly Jace moved over to hunch down in her place. Alec was still the same, sniffling and gasping. Jace didn’t think it was able to keep shedding tears in that pace for this long. He put a heavy hand on his shoulder, but wasn’t even granted a change in breath. “Magnus. I think she’s right.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jace could see Magnus nod. Catarina carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and uncapped a needle on a syringe. She pulled the duvet down to expose his upper arm. Only when she pushed up his sleeve and rubbed the cold alcohol on him, Alec reacted. For a second he looked at Magnus, then he turned his head up to see Catarina and the needle.

“No.” The word was mostly a formed sob.

“Shh, Alexander.” Magnus took one of Alec’s hands and buried his other in his hair. “You need it.”

Weirdly, Alec laid completely still, except for the shaking, as he desperately found Jace’s eyes and shook his head.

Jace grabbed his free hand. “Alec. Trust us. It’s better like this.” It took all his strength to keep his voice from cracking. He was sure he would start crying uncontrollable if it did.

Alec’s crying turned into full sobs as he looked back to Magnus. Magnus nodded at Catarina and as the needle went into the arm he kissed Alec on his forehead.

Seconds later Alec’s crying stilled and he breathed a bit slower. As soon as his eyes seemed a bit more present and Jace could relax just a little, Alec took his hands back and wrapped them around his belly again. Magnus tugged the duvet close to his chin and leaned in slowly to kiss his cheek.

Jace reluctantly followed Catarina to the next room. She didn’t close the door completely, but Jace’s parabatai rune tugged his heart as soon as he couldn’t see Alec.

“I’ll stay with them.”

Jace was about to object. He knew what was coming next, but he wasn’t going to leave.

“Jace.” She put a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “You need to go home and explain to your family. Simon is probably still waiting and Clary and Isabelle is has to be back by now.”

He shook his head. How could he leave? How would he be able to tell everyone about this? Was it even okay for him to do that? This could very well be his fault all together. “I can’t. I… They should tell themselves.”

“They can’t right now. Alec is not well and he needs Magnus here.”

It hurt him just to think about walking through a portal and leaving Alec, and leaving Magnus alone to see him like that.

Tears burned at Jace’s eyes. “Catarina?” He bit his lip for a second and fought against his tears.

“Yes, Sweetheart?”

“Is this… Did I hurt her? You know with hurting Alec? The injury, the nightmares?”

She took both his shoulders and stood close to him. “Jace. No. Don’t do this to yourself. Nothing did this.”

Catarina pushed his chin up with the tip of her finger. He looked at her soft expression and suddenly remembered that she was on their side; that she wasn’t sending him away.

“Alec needs you here too. I’m sure Magnus want you here as well. Go back. Explain everything and tell them that you and I will be here and keep in contact.”

Jace nodded slightly and took a step back, making room for her to open a portal. Going through it still felt wrong, but he kept telling himself that he would be back before Alec would know he was gone.

* * *

Alec had fallen asleep after an hour and a half of silent tears rolling over his cheeks. Not able to think of doing anything else, Magnus had been next to him for the whole time. The three hours he’d slept after, Magnus had lied awake in the bed rubbing his thumb over Alec’s shoulder. It felt somehow safe to have Catarina and Jace in the next room. He appreciated that they didn’t demanded that he’d move, just as much as he was grateful that they stayed outside, but he wanted them close.

When Alec woke up it was with a small hiccup for air as if it was left over from before, but he silenced after and looked directly at Magnus. It only took a second for Alec’s eyes to turn dark. His chin quivered and he shook his head slightly on the pillow.

Magnus cupped his cheek and swallowed deeply. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to safe her.”

“Did you talk to Catarina?” Alec’s voice was a tiny bit stronger than before he shot off earlier and Magnus dared to believe that it wouldn’t start all over.

“No. I’ve been here. She’s in the living room.” He brushed his thumb over Alec’s cheekbone and moved his hand down to take Alec’s. “Take a moment. We have time.”

Alec sniffled and shook his head shortly before he quickly got seated against the headboard. Magnus followed and sat crossed legged to face him.

“Catarina?” Alec spoke loud enough that Catarina soon peeked through the half open door.

“Hi Honey.” She smiled softly and pulled a chair over to the side of the bed. “What can I do for you?”

Magnus reached for Alec’s hand but he pulled it back and folded his arms over his belly and pulled his legs up. Alec took a deep breath, clearly controlling himself to make full words. “I need to know why.”

“Why?” Catarina looked at Magnus for a second. Magnus knew exactly what had entered Alec’s mind in mere seconds. He’d spent the last four hours thinking about the same thing.

“Was it the fever? I was sick before too, the vomiting and dehydration. I made myself pass out. What did it?”

“Alexander, no…”

Alec only looked at Magnus to stop him from talking. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t Alec who’d failed, but the look in his eyes made Magnus understand that he needed Catarina say it and not him.

“Catarina?” Alec’s voice cracked and he took a deep breath to continue. “Where did I mess up so bad?”

“Alec, Dear.” Catarina leaned in but she didn’t manage to reach for him before Alec flinched away from her. She gathered her hands in her lap and sighed deeply. “Honey. It’s nothing you did. You could not have prevented this.”

Alec looked at his knees and shook his head, clearly not believing her. Even the short silence was too much for Magnus to handle. He needed to fulfill his promise to Alec sooner rather than later.

“What now?” He looked at Catarina trying to make himself sound hopeful. “Can we do anything without magic?”

Catarina shook her head. “We can hope that she will be strong enough to survive in an incubator as long as it will take to help her with magic after.”

Magnus heard Alec gulp for air, but didn’t look at him. He needed to think, and if he looked at Alec now every rational thought would be overpowered by the urge to cradle him and make promises he didn’t know how to keep.

“How long will it take?”

“I don’t know Magnus.” Catarina sat on the edge of the bed, only making Alec make himself even smaller against the headboard. She took Magnus’s hand. “You need to make a choice. We can try to help with her lungs before birth or after. I don’t want to do much at a time. She’s small still and we don’t want to overdo it with her brother there too. We have about three-and-a-half to four months before birth so we shouldn’t wait more tha…”

“We can’t.” Alec spoke with conviction, but the words seemed to hurt him as he said them. He wrapped his arms tighter around his belly and didn’t look up. “We don’t know what magic would do to them. To our boy.”

Magnus hated to admit it. They didn’t know. The book had only mentioned failed attempts with other methods shortly, but they both knew that there was more magic involved in those, and there had to be a reason that it was listed among the things not to do.

“Alec.” Catarina didn’t try to touch him. “If it was only her in there, would you have considered it?”

Alec looked up, frowning in confusion and Magnus could only mirror the reaction as he looked at him. “But it’s not only her.”

“I know. If the boy is born first, we might be able to help her enough before she needs to breathe the first time. It could be the difference that she needs to recover in the incubator. But we don’t know who comes first.”

“How long is there between twin births?” Magnus had thought it to be almost instant and didn’t see how it would make a difference.

“Everything from a few minutes to up against an hour… of course shorter if we need to do a c-section.”

Alec’s eyes jumped up at Magnus and not thinking twice Magnus scooted close and place a hand on his arms over his belly and cupped his cheek. “No need to worry about that now, cariño.”

“No Alec. I’m sorry. Don’t think about that now.” Catarina put a hand on his knee but sat back as he withdrew from her.

“Alexander?” Magnus needed to hear Alec’s thoughts on this, but he wasn’t sure Alec knew what to do any more than himself. “Sayang, what do you want to do?”

Alec shook his head and a tear rolled over his cheek as he looked up at Magnus. “We can’t risk hurting our boy to safe her.”

Magnus moved to sit against the headboard and hugged Alec tight, hurting even more as Alec didn’t hold on to him or lean his head against him. “I know.” Magnus looked at Catarina. “We can’t. We could make her sick in another way too. We have to wait.”

She nodded and as she stood up she placed a light hand on Magnus’s. “I’ll keep thinking. But for now we just keep an eye on her progress.”

Magnus knew by Catarina’s touch and voice that their little girl wouldn’t make it on her own.

* * *

The next days, Alec stood up, went to work, trained and came home to dinner as usual. At work he smiled and talked to everyone as usual but was never really present in conversation. Catarina had said that he should keep up training as usual, that it was still healthy for the babies, so he did, but he didn’t enjoy it. The feeling that he was preparing for the most amazing day in his life was gone and he couldn’t find the motivation to give his full effort.

He hit the boxing bag harder, as if just to prove that he still could but soon settled back into the halfhearted attempts.

The small annoyances of the pregnancy that he had kinda loved before was horrible. His swollen ankles and feet, leg cramps and backaches was all signs that the babies was growing and it was described in both the book from Elisapee and all the pregnancy books. His shortness of breath and him running to pee all the time was making him more exhausted than it logically would and he was close to bursting into tears when ever he would get a small contraction or feel the babies move.

Home was silent. Magnus had tried talking more about it and then he’d tried talking about everyday stuff and his work, but Alec couldn’t keep up the façade home, where they both knew that nothing was right.

Magnus had eventually stopped trying to talk about anything except how to make Alec feel physically better. He brought home bath salts, aromatherapy and different food from all over the world. He tried, and Alec could see how much it hurt him that Alec couldn’t appreciate any of it. But mostly Magnus looked broken when Alec shut down at any attempt to talk about the babies. Alec just couldn’t. He would break down all over again. Worse. Now he knew there was nothing to do but hope and he was sure he didn’t had the strength to take the hit if that hope didn’t come true.

When Magnus had found out that Alec didn’t sleep at night he’d even suggested that they called Anthony back to help with acupuncture. The talk had only resulted in Alec burying himself under a blanket on the couch on the balcony to shut everything out. He didn’t want to see anyone. Jace had called countless times but after the second day he only called Magnus. Alec hadn’t even wanted to see Catarina who had brought the ultrasound the day before. It had been a week and he knew that there had been no change. The session was done in silence and after Alec had turned away and had stayed like that till he needed to get up the next day.

Magnus had asked that he’d taken a day of and stayed home, but he needed the break, even if it was all fake and he didn’t really think of anything else anyway. Alec grinded his teeth and punched hard again. Why was this happening? Maybe it would have easier to accept if he was to blame. A series of hits landed on the back in record speed, he had to get his mind to turn off. Why couldn’t he get his mind to shot down just for a second. He wanted nothing more than run home and beg Magnus to heal their little baby girl, but he couldn’t. If it was his health on the line he wouldn’t have cared. He was sure he could even convince Magnus to risk hurting him to safe her. He hit hard on the bag and felt the jolt back in his arm and shoulder. The wraps around his hands were coming loose but it was only his skin turning red; it was nothing. He deserved so much more than that. He had gone over a week and hardly thinking of his baby boy as anything other than an obstacle. He knew that it was only like that because he loved him just as much as the girl, but it didn’t make him feel better. He should be happy about the pregnancy and look forward to the birth, but he didn’t.

A rain of hits attacked the bag. Alec’s lungs tightened fighting for air, but he couldn’t stop, he needed to get his head empty. He needed something else and this was his only outlet, and it wasn’t working.

“Alec.” Something touched his shoulder but he wasn’t ready to stop trying. “Alec, Stop!”

He was spun around and if she hadn’t shielded herself with her arm, he would have landed a hit straight on her jaw. He breathed heavily and fast through his nose, trying to catch up with tha fact that there was someone in front of him.

“Alec?” She loosened her grip on his shoulder a little but didn’t let go. “What are you doing? Are you okay?”

Tears burned at his eyes and he bit the inside of his cheek, making sure he didn’t accidently answered her and cracked over into crying. Helen gestured at someone across the room. Alec looked up and saw Lydia wave over a few hunters, who had been training, and walking them out.

Alone in the room Alec felt he could breathe a bit easier, but he wasn’t about to tell Helen about any of this. He didn’t mind just her knowing, but he wouldn’t be able to say it.

She took a short step back and took his writs and lifted his hand slowly, resting in lightly in hers. “You kept hitting. Didn’t you feel it?”

Alec looked down as she turned his hand palm down and revealed an already dark bruise. He must have broken at least to bones in his hand and by the looks of it, he’d been punching the bag hard quite a few times after that.

He shook his head, still trying to get his breathing calmed completely.

“Is everything alright?”

He looked the almost nervous woman in front of him.

“No…” He swallowed and took his hand back, resting it in his other. “…but Helen, I can’t.”

“Okay.” She took his upper arm lightly. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Alec breathed in deep and gathered himself, surprised that he still wasn’t crying.

“Let’s just get that taken care of.” She gestured to his hand.

Alec shook his head and gave her a soft smile. “I’m fine. I’ll just bandage it home.”

“Can you use the rune?” She frowned in confusion and looked quickly to his belly.

“No, but it’s not that bad. I’ll manage on my own.”

Helen didn’t seem convinced at all when Alec left the room. He wasn’t convinced himself either, but he didn’t want anyone taking care of him. He even had problems with Magnus being kind to him. He swore out loud at himself. He knew Magnus was hurting just as much as himself, still he couldn’t get his act in order. He still wanted to hide the hand from him, just to not have to talk about why.

* * *

Magnus knew something was wrong as soon as Alec walked in the apartment and hour earlier than the last eight days, still wearing his sweaty training clothes. Alec hadn’t said anything when he’d asked. He only presented Magnus with a bruised hand and an x-ray he’d most likely taken himself at the infirmary. Three bones was clearly broken.

There was no hope that moment to get an explanation so Magnus had kissed Alec’s forehead slowly and walked him over to sit on the couch. Taking the place next to him as he picked up the phone.

Catarina came in under five minutes and sat down on the coffee table in front of them.

“Alec, Honey?”

Alec looked up at her but didn’t say anything. The first two days, Magnus had given Alec his space, the next days he’d wanted to shake him and scream at him for any response except one word answers, but right now he just wanted Catarina to fix his hand so Alec could get some rest. He handed her Alec’s x-ray and she took a quick look before taking Alec’s hand carefully in hers.

“It has to be painful. This wasn’t just one hit, was it?”

Alec shook his head. Magnus had figured that Alec had been boxing, but that he’d kept on punching after he broke the first bone, was so much more than an accident. He wrapped his arm around Alec’s back and as the last week he didn’t expect Alec to lean against him.

“Okay.” Catarina pinched the tip of Alec’s little finger between her fingertips. “Does this feel normal?”

Alec nodded.

“So no tinkling or numb feeling.”

“No.” Alec only whispered, but it was the first word Magnus had heard him say since he told him that he didn’t need a day of.

“It should heal up right. I just need to cast it. Do you want something for the pain?”

He shook his head again and Magnus took his other hand and kissed it. It was a poor consolation that Alec let him play with his hair and lace their fingers. He didn’t get anything in return. Over the last week Alec hadn’t done anything than allow him to be there. Magnus was glad to have that at least, but he was getting desperate to reconnect with Alec. With the babies.

Alec smiled and thanked Magnus as he brought him his tea after he’d turned in. It was like it was the only thing Alec appreciated. The tea that would make him sleep calmly. Magnus had been drinking a lot more of that lately too. He sat on the chair next to the bed, watching Alec finish. When he was done Magnus took the mug and waited for Alec to lie down. He placed the duvet over Alec’s chest and kissed his cheek.

“Sleep. Call me if you need something for the pain.”

“Don’t.” Alec tugged his newly made cast under the duvet.

“I know.” Magnus graced his hand over Alec’s shoulder. “Just get some rest. I love you.”

Alec looked Magnus in the eyes for a second. “I love you too.” Then he broke off and turned to his side facing away.

* * *

Magnus found Catarina looking over the railing on the balcony. She turned and reached for his hand. He accepted and she placed his hand on the railing next to her. He breathed deeply and turned to look over the city.

“Is he sleeping?”

“Soon.”

“Is he still not talking about it?”

Magnus looked down and sighed. “Not really about anything. He want to sometimes; I can see that. But he just can’t go there.”

Catarina placed her hand calmly on Magnus’s. It was good to just have her there. She didn’t need to say anything to make him know that she wanted to help. What was she supposed to say anyway? Still, Magnus couldn’t handle the silence. He’d lived the last week in almost silence and it had been horrible.

“Catarina. What do I do?”

“Oh, Darling.” She kept his hand in hers and turned them face to face. “I can’t tell you that. You just have to be here.”

A lump formed in Magnus’s throat and he tried desperately to swallow it. Catarina lifted his hand and covered it with her other. “How are _you_ holding up?”

“I can’t help him. He can’t go through this alone.”

Slowly, she put her hand on his cheek and lifted his face so he found her eyes. “How are _you_?”

“I can’t go through it alone either.”

She smiled softly and nodded slow. “I know. We’re here. Me and your whole family if you want to.”

It was clear to Magnus that Alec still wanted to have him around. He usually came to sit next to him in the couch and they had ate every meal together. Magnus knew that Alec felt bad about shutting him out. Somehow it made it worse. How was he going to convince him that they were two in this when Alec already knew, but just couldn’t be. For days Magnus was left with no one to talk to about this. He knew what a mess Alec had to have in his mind, because Magnus was just the same.

“Catarina?” He bit his lip and took a deep breath. He’d wondered for over a week. He’d convinced himself more than once and then tried to push it down. It got harder to forget every time.

Magnus saw her hunching her next to see him better, but he couldn’t retaliate her gaze right now.

“What is it, Magnus?”

“You said it wasn’t the fever or the dehydration. That sometimes this just happen.” He paused and when Catarina just waited, he took a deep breath and continued. “But I made the egg. I made two without knowing. I…”

“No.” She grabbed his shoulder tight and moved her hand from his cheek to a firm hold on his chin. “No. Magnus. It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault.” She lifted his head a bit more and he looked straight in to her kind eyes. “You’ve trusted me with everything else. Believe me now too.”

Tears spilled from Magnus’s eyes before he could try to stop it and he nodded still hanging on to the truth in her eyes.

“Catarina, I need him back.” A loud sob broke from his throat and as Catarina pulled him in to a firm hug he let out another. “What am I supposed to do?”

Catarina’s arm firmly around his back and the hand lightly holding the back of his head did little in comforting him but he needed it. He needed her to be there, to listen, even if he knew that there was nothing she could do but that. He sobbed loudly and hugged her tight, pressing his face into the crease of her neck.

“I’m helpless. It’s my little girl and I can do nothing.”

“Magnus, Darling. We’ll figure something out.”

He shook his head. He couldn’t see a way than grasping at the small straws of the birth going exactly as it needed to. It was not enough. He needed more security than that.

“C’mon.” She turned a bit in his old and started walking over the balcony. Blind from tears and not able to care what happened, he followed her to the couch and sat them both down. She hugged him just as tight and let him cry on her shoulder still. “Let’s concentrate on Alec for now. We need his mind too.”

Magnus nodded at that and tried to sit up, but Catarina held him tighter, not letting him move.

“It’s alright Magnus. He’s sleeping now we can wait.”

Instantly, Magnus relaxed in her arms and started a new wave of tears and hiccupping for air.

Minutes later his breathing relaxed and so did his arms around Catarina. She let him go and with her thumbs gracing over his cheekbones, Magnus felt the cool breeze from her magic and he knew his tears were wiped as well as the eyeliner that must surely had drawn lines over his cheeks.

“Thanks.”

She smiled and sat back, giving him a little room. “Of course. Magnus, who in New York have you talked to?”

“Jace.” He looked down, embarrassed that he hadn’t had contact with the rest of Alec’s family. “He inform to everyone else. Alec doesn’t talk to anyone.”

“Do you think it would help if Jace came by?”

Jace had been there on day two, but Alec didn’t want to see him. That was when Jace stopped trying Alec’s phone and just started calling Magnus.

He shook his head. “He has already tried, but he feared that he would make it all worse by forcing it. We both were.”

Magnus recognized the thinking frown on Catarina’s forehead. She shook her head to herself and then took Magnus’s hand. “Who can knock some sense in to his head?”

Magnus wasn’t sure what Catarina was going at. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea to force another visit on Alec, he had a hard enough time with Catarina here and she didn’t demand to talk with him. Not really.

“What about Maryse?”

“No.” Magnus shook his head. Alec would feel babied, not because Maryse was like that, but she was his mom. Just like that, Magnus realized that Magnus shouldn’t force a visit on Alec. Catarina neither. He looked up with a small smile. “Izzy.”

It felt suddenly good that he could reach out to the voice in the background of every phone call he’d had with Jace. Izzy wouldn’t baby Alec. Magnus didn’t expect miracles, he wasn’t even sure he dared hope for one, but Izzy was the only one who could fight her way in to make Alec listen. And Alec would believe that she’d come even if Magnus had advised against it.

Catarina smiled and squeezed his hand tighter. “Go sleep. You need it too. Text me when he’s home from work tomorrow.”

Magnus hugged Catarina goodbye and silently climbed into bed and laid close to Alec. He pushed himself up in his elbow and brushed a from curls from Alec’s forehead. As he laid there so peaceful, it was even harder to understand everything going on. Slowly and carefully not to wake Alec, he rested his hand on top of the duvet on Alec’s belly. As his sight clouded over with tears he laid down on the pillow and wished for sleep before he had to endure a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to hurry with the next chapter to give you some answers, but real life is starting again tomorrow so chapters won't keep coming as fast as the last three.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter:  
Fear of death for the baby, depression, mental blackouts, not self-harm but getting hurt accidentally because of mental breakdown.


	20. Lightwood-Bane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus invites Izzy over to talk to Alec. Later they have to deal with the pregnancy's physical effects as well and Magnus sets up another visit that Alec hadn't approved. 
> 
> Crying. Lots and lots of crying. Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just exited the week from hell at work. I'm actually considering giving notice, but that would mean a move back to Denmark for me and I really like it here.  
Long story short: Next week will be more of the same, I'm sure. So I probably won't be able to write more till next weekend as I slept almost as soon as I got home every day last week.

“Alec. Just let me in.”

Izzy hadn’t even raised her voice when Alec came home from the Clave and gave her one look before he shook his head at Magnus and locked himself in the bedroom. Now she was clearly right outside the door, but hadn’t knocked once.

“You said it yourself; that I could come visit anytime.”

Alec sat on the foot end of the bed and sighed as he laced his fingers as good as he could with one hand immobilized in the cast.

“You told me that you can’t handle when I’m scared or sad. Well, I’m freaking out here. I need to know how you’re holding up.”

It tore into Alec’s soul that he could hear on his sister’s voice that she was completely honest. The urge to open the door, that had been there since he closed it, was growing stronger, but he couldn’t talk about it. Besides, how would it be okay for him to try with Izzy, when he’d rejected Magnus so many times?

“Alec, dammit! Open the door. You can’t keep going like this.”

Alec shook his head to himself. Of course she knew how things had been, he was sure everyone in his family knew, Catarina too.

“Izzy. I just need a bit of time.” Alec’s voice was small and light and he hated it. He was already tearing up.

“You’ve had time. You’ve had over a week and a second ultrasound to process. I don’t expect you to be fine with any of this, but you need to let us know how you are.”

Anger rose in Alec. His hands shook as he walked to the door. He walked slow and tried to control his breathing hissing through his nostrils. He wasn’t angry at Izzy. No, he hated himself for wanting to let her in; for setting himself up for a conversation he knew he couldn’t handle and very well could end up making everything worse with her and the rest of his family.

He locked his jaw and turned the lock slowly. He took a step back and the door opened, showing Izzy, calm and collected in the middle of the doorway. Alec quickly laid eyes on Magnus standing in the middle of their living room. He looked small with his hands fiddling in front of his hips and almost stepping on his own toes. It felt wrong in every way to let Izzy in and close the door after her, but Alec could do nothing else.

Izzy didn’t waste any time before walking close and taking both of his hands in hers. “Alec. I’m so sorry.”

Alec swallowed and looked down. He knew she didn’t mean it like that, but to him _sorry_ had always meant that all hope was gone. It couldn’t be this time. It would kill him. He was sure it already was.

“Iz, don’t.”

She moved a hand up on his shoulder, making him look at her. “Tell me how you are.”

He kept his eyes locked on her and shook his head, holding his breath.

“You have to, big brother. You can’t go around like this. Jace can’t even figure out to separate what’s going on.”

Alec took Izzy’s hand and squeezed it before he let both of them go and turned his back. “I know I’m freaking everyone out.” His voice shook and he took a deep breath and swallowed to prevent it form happening again. It didn’t work. “I know I should talk to people, that I should reassure all of you that I’m okay, but I can’t do that.”

“And you shouldn’t. If it’s a lie, don’t say it.” A light hand rested on Alec’s shoulder and he instinctively covered it with his own.

“Alec, we know you’re not okay, of course you’re not. We’re… _I’m_ worried, sure, but I’m worried that you won’t let anyone help.”

A lump he couldn’t swallow clogged Alec’s throat and the words came out only as a whisper as a tear ran over his cheek. “I can’t.”

“Just try.” She took his hand and slowly walked in front of him again. He looked down but she had to have seen the second tear roll down his face.

“You don’t have to talk with everyone, but you can pick _any_one.”

She was right. Of course she was painfully right and Alec couldn’t make a point against it, except it being too hard and try to explain why. He sat down at the foot end of the bed and waited for Izzy to sit next to him. He placed his hands in his lap and breathed deeply. He needed every weary cell in his body to get him through this and not break down sobbing.

“I know you want to help, but you can’t.”

“I know I can’t help you feel better about any of this, but you can’t hold it in like this. You were the one to teach me that we’re not robots; we need other people.”

Alec swallowed and let his head drop a bit more, staring only at his own hands. “I’m selfish, Izzy.” He sighed and bit his lip for a second before continuing. “You can’t tell Magnus about any of this.”

A hand entered his field of vision and covered his hands. “You’re anything but selfish. We all know that, especially Magnus, but of course I’m not saying anything. You will when you’re ready.”

A tear landed on Izzy’s hand and Alec pulled away in horror, but Izzy followed and pulled his hands back with both of hers. It took a second to come to terms with that he was slowly shedding tears over his little sister’s hands.

“What is it Alec?” Somehow, she didn’t sound scared that he’d tell her something terrible about himself, and he wished that she would be more prepared.

“I’m not happy.”

“Alec, no one expect you to be.”

Alec pulled his hands away and sat up cross-legged on the bed, keeping his eyes locked on the floor in front of him. “I do. I should be happy. We’re having a son. A baby. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and I can’t look forward to it.”

Izzy turned and put a hand on his knee. “Alec…”

“No, Iz. I can’t be happy and look forward to my son’s birth when it’s going to be her death.” He felt his face heat up and soon new tears dripped on his hands, fiddling in his lap. “Iz. I miss looking forward to having my babies, but I just don’t. I should be.”

Silence filled the room shortly and then only the sound of Izzy sighing deeply filled it, as she sat down on her knees in front of Alec. She took both of his hands and rested their hold on his legs.

“I’m not sure you’re supposed to look forward to it. I don’t know. But I know that you do have to stop beating yourself up that you don’t.”

Alec tried to make his chin stop shivering. It wasn’t right. She shouldn’t him like this. She should tell him to be grateful for what he had. Just like he’d told himself for days.

“Alec, look at me please.” Izzy leaned in a bit to look up at his face and eventually Alec didn’t see any other option than to look her in the eyes. “You have to give yourself a break. You’re not selfish.”

His lungs tightened and he swallowed to get them started again. Izzy simply waited for him to get ready. He wasn’t sure he’d even made the thought fully before but it hurt him to say it out loud. “How can I not be happy about my son?”

“You are.” Izzy straightened her back and pulled his hands tight to her chest. “You don’t have to feel only one thing. You’re in pain, heartbroken and most likely still in some kind of shock. But you’re also ecstatic about your son. You love those two.”

She looked at his belly and let go of one of his hands as he instinctively wrapped an arm around it.

“Alec.” She sat up next to him and turned him a bit towards her with two firm grips on his shoulder. “No one expects you to have everything figured out. Don’t expect that of yourself.”

He turned his body and faced her completely and watched her sit up as his mirror image. He sighed deeply and shook his head slowly. It was a lot to change at once.

“You’re strong Alec. The strongest person I know and with Magnus, you can get through anything.”

“I’m not sure this time, Iz.”

An airy huff crossed Izzy’s lips; it almost sounded like a small chuckle. “You never are until after. Tell me; when you looked for names in all of those books, did you ever look up yours?”

Alec shook his head. He hadn’t even touched one of them since they came back from New York. Magnus had tried to talk about names, but all Alec could think was that they were choosing a name for a girl who might never know it.

“I did. It’s fitting for you.” She spoke louder and with a lighter tone. It was almost like the past twenty minutes hadn’t happened.

Alec looked up, not able to hide that he was actually a little curious. “Well, I know Alexander was a king or something. I’m not that.”

Izzy laughed shortly. “You kinda are. Lots of kings has that name and it kinda obvious why.” She paused for long enough that Alec looked up at her. “In Greek, Alexander means Defender of Mankind. So with a middle name meaning Mighty Warrior you were always meant for great things.”

His mom and dad must have lost their damn minds when they named him. How was he ever going to live up to that? Had people expected this of him his whole life? Izzy placed a hand on his forearm just above the cast and he looked at her wide smile.

“You’re freaked out, right?”

“Well, yeah.” Alec didn’t see how this was funny, but he’d missed looking into the silent laughter in his sister’s eyes so he forgave her for having a good time with this.

“You’re forgetting that you’ve already fulfilled more than what mom and dad thought possible. The Clave working with Downworlders. Stopping the burning of prisoners. You think everyone should have equal rights to be heard and protected, and you have given them that.”

“It’s too much. I’ve…” He wrapped both arms around his belly and drew in a shaky sigh. “I can’t this time. I fought with everything I had for that. This is different. This is harder. I’m not strong enough.”

Izzy pushed his chin up and let go as soon as he looked at her. He didn’t want to hear more of this. He wasn’t stronger because of a name.

“You’re forgetting something. What’s your name?”

Suddenly confused Alec waited for Izzy to say something more but she only nodded at him to answer and he let the words out airy and hesitant. “Alexander Gideon.”

Izzy laughed and shook her head. “Your whole name. You do remember, right?”

He nodded and at her nod to go on he spoke a little louder. “Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane.”

“Right!” She looked almost proud of him that he remembered his full name, then she slowed down and put a hand on his knee. “Alec, listen to me now. Lightwood, is your family. Your support, the people you fall back on and who you can always come to. It’s where you learned everything you need and where you found your parabatai.”

Alec breathed in deep and bit his lip as he felt his eyes burning again, but Izzy didn’t stop. “We’re here whenever you need help to fulfill what we know you can. Hell, I’m here right now.”

She took his hand from his belly and held it in both of hers. “Do you hear me?”

Not able to speak and not even sure what to say, Alec nodded and looked at her thumb as it graced over his wedding ring.

“Bane.”

Alec swallowed and almost pulled his hand back to run out the door and fall on his knees to apologize to Magnus.

“Magnus, chose to be with you. To stand with you through everything and has through so much already.”

Alec brushed a beginning tear from his eye with his free hand and couldn’t help but sniffle. Izzy moved closer and took that hand too. “Alec, you’re not alone.”

Before Alec could find a face that matched the situation, Izzy had pulled him into a strong hug and he automatically rested his chin on her shoulder. It didn’t make sense why it had taken all of this taking to see clearly that he had the help of everyone he needed. He’d known it all the way, but he’d still felt alone. Everything still hurt and he still had no idea how he would make it through this, but it was like his world was less dark and claustrophobic.

When they sat back Izzy smiled at Alec with more ease to her look than before, and it was a small one, but for the first time that day, Alec’s face showed a smile that wasn’t forced or fake. “How, did you get so wise?”

She chuckled and pushed herself to sit with her feet on the floor. “We’ll talk about my name another time.”

Alec shook his head and sat next to her. “Iz.”

“Yeah?”

He put his hand on hers and kept his eyes there. “Thank you.”

She wrapped her fingers tight around Alec’s and looked at him. “Always; We’re family. You just call me, even if it’s just to scream in the phone. I’m there.”

Alec couldn’t help but smile, but the truth was that some days that was just what he needed. He stood up, pulling her with him. He didn’t want to kick her out but he was exhausted and he wasn’t sure he could take more of this. Besides he really needed to see Magnus. She seemed to understand and sent him a soft smile as she walked to the door but he stopped her with a grip on her wrist.

“Iz. What are you going to say to the others?”

She stepped back in front of him. “What do you want me to say?”

Alec shook his head. He had no idea; he hadn’t even processed half of what just happened and wasn’t sure he remembered all of it right now.

“Okay. I’ll tell them that we talked and that you promised that you would be honest with yourself and reach out when you need it.”

Alec let go of her hand and nodded with a small smile. “Okay.”

She put her hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “Good. I’ll tell them that I believed you.”

Alec stood a few steps inside the bedroom and looked through the door as Izzy hugged Magnus in silence and he opened a portal for her.

As soon as she was gone Magnus turned slowly towards the bedroom and hesitant he looked up at Alec. Magnus’s hair was on point as always but no color. Alec didn’t remember when there had last been a blue or red strand of hair on Magnus’s head. His eyeliner was thinner than normal and still a bit smudged. He seemed kinda pale too. He looked broken. Alec swallowed and forced his eyes to focus through the wall of water building, but with the first step into the living room, Alec’s knees gave in and he headed for the floor.

* * *

“Alexander!”

Magnus’s instinct to use magic to catch Alec was gone in time for him to run over and manage to hold him up on his knees by his shoulders. As his husband seemed steady sitting on his heals, Magnus lifted his chin slowly with a finger and looked straight into Alec’s dark glassy eyes.

“Alexander?” He spoke quietly and slow. “What happened? Should I call Catarina?”

Alec shook his head and let tears run freely.

“Alright, c’mon.” Magnus placed his arms under Alec’s to help him up, but Alec pulled him back down with his good hand, sitting opposite him.

“What?” Magnus was surprised that Alec’s eyes were still locked at his.

“I need…” Alec swallowed and spoke a bit clearer after. “I need to tell you… I’m sorry. I know it’s your kids too, that you’re scared too. I should have talked to you. You were…”

“Alexander. Stop.” Magnus cupped Alec’s cheek and looked at him kindly. “You were in shock.”

Slowly, Alec took Magnus’s hand from his face and held it on his thighs. He looked up at Magnus again and shook his head slightly. “Let me say this.”

He paused and Magnus could do nothing but hold his hand tighter and nod for him to go on.

“You were using all your energy to take care of me, trying to make it easier on me. You spend so many hours being there, holding me, and I did nothing. I couldn’t even hug you back. You’re just as scared and freaked out as me, and I made it all about me. I’m sorry. I loved that you were there, and I made it look as if I hated you. I’m so sorry, Magnus. We should be in this together.”

Alec looked down and swallowed deeply and blinked fast as to try and stop the tears dripping on their hands.

“We are.” Magnus’s heart hurt. His lungs were tightening, but the words came out easily. He let his free hand lightly hold Alec’s neck. “We always have been. No one knows how they will handle something like this until it happens. Alec look at me.”

With a deep sigh, Alec eventually looked Magnus in the eyes again.

“Alexander. It hurt me every second of you not engaging with me, but I never once thought that you hated me.”

For a moment they just sat there. Magnus’s eyes burning as Alec’s tears still fell. It was a wonderful relief to hear Alec say more than short sentences of everyday life, but as a kick to his chest Magnus realized that he hadn’t given himself time to think much about the future. When his breathing started to get as strained as Alec’s he shook his head and stood up. They couldn’t be here. Alec still needed him. He still needed to take care of Alec. With a deep breath to concentrate at the task at hand he reached for Alec and pulled him to his feet.

“Alexander, you’re shaking.” He held his arm tighter around Alec’s back and instinctively put his other hand on his forehead. Magnus almost dropped back on the floor, realizing that Alec wasn’t warm.

“I’m good Magnus. I’m just…” Alec turned and dropped his head on Magnus’s shoulder and Magnus felt the shaking turn into trembles as Alec’s silent tears pulled high-pitched and short sobs from his lungs.

“Alright, Cariño. I’ve got you. Let’s get you to bed.” Magnus hugged Alec tight for a second before he turned him towards the bedroom and pushed him slowly forward.

Alec dropped to sit on the edge of the bed and Magnus took a second to hunch down in front of him and take his hands. “You need to calm down, Alexander. It’s not good for you or the babies to be this worked up for too long.”

Alec nodded and gasped desperately for air to speak. “I know.” He sobbed and just shook his head as he held on tighter to Magnus’s hands.

Magnus needed to get him to relax, and he really didn’t want to call Catarina to drug him again. It had done wonders in taking away the instant panic and making Alec calm down enough to eventually sleep, but he wasn’t sure it was healthy to keep doing it, and it wasn’t like he was really relaxed anyway.

“Alexander?” He lifted Alec’s hand a little and looked up at his face. “You need sleep. I’ll make you tea if you want, but I think you should loosen up in a bath first.”

Alec swallowed and looked long at Magnus before agreeing with a nod.

* * *

“Magnus.” Alec reached up from the bath, with the hand not wrapped in cast and now plastic, and took Magnus’s wrist as he stood up.

Magnus hunched back down next to Alec and kissed his hand. Alec’s tears had dried up before Magnus came back and announced that the bath was ready and his breathing had slowed back to almost normal as soon as he’d emerged himself in the warm water.

“Love.” Alec sat up a bit and cupped Magnus’s cheek with his other hand. “You need to stop.”

Confused and slightly unsettled by Alec’s unwavering gaze. “Stop?”

“Yeah. You have to talk too.” Magnus instinctively pulled his hand a little, but before he knew what he was doing, Alec held it with both of his. “You can’t just worry about me to avoid worrying about everything else.”

He’d been doing the same thing as Alec; he’d hidden from the hard feelings. He looked down and felt his eyes burning as the sight of his hand in Alec’s blurred.

“C’mon.” Alec moved to the side in their big tub and gestured for Magnus to squeeze in next to him.

Silently, Magnus got undressed and stepped into the water and slid under the white bubbles. Half on his side, pressed against Alec’s ribs and shoulder he had no say in the warmth from the water and Alec’s arm around him calming every muscle in his body. As his shoulders sank the tears broke from his eyes and involuntarily he hiccupped in a gulp of air.

“Sweet Love.” Alec whispered as he tightened his grip around Magnus’s back. He took Magnus’s far hand and laced their fingers on top of his belly. “We’re in this together.”

Magnus nodded and let out a sob as he turned more towards Alec and let himself sick down a little to rest his head on the top of Alec’s shoulder.

Minutes went by. Magnus was both amazed that Alec hadn’t decided to get something to drug him and that he hadn’t lost control of his magic again. He’d lost control of everything else though. He didn’t know how to stop and he had no say in how tight he was desperately pressing his naked body against Alec’s. Alec just held him and didn’t move except from his thumbs rubbing Magnus’s shoulder and the back of his hand.

“Alexander?” Magnus whispered out the name between the last two gulps for air.

“Shh. Magnus. Just breathe.” It was clear that there was still a lump in Alec’s throat and that he was more tired than Magnus had expected.

Magnus took a deep breath and pushed himself up only an inch. “What happened? We were good.” He looked at their laced fingers and held on a bit tighter. “Were we greedy? Why did we need more?”

Magnus could feel Alec shake his head before he moved his hand into Magnus’s hair. “No. It can’t be that. We’re not getting punished or taught some horrible lesson.”

“It’s not what I mean.” Magnus tried to remember all the good times; every beautiful moment they had experienced through all of this, but I just hurt more. “We did this to ourselves. Why?”

With a strong hand holding Magnus over the water, Alec moved quickly and sat opposite Magnus in the tub, pushing a fair amount of the water out on the floor in the prosses. He placed all four of their hands on his belly and looked Magnus straight in the eyes.

“_This_ is why. Magnus, I know you love both of them as much as I do.”

Magnus swallowed and nodded but looked down as new tears pressed at his eyes.

“Love. I struggled with it too. I still do, but I can’t deny that the reason it hurts so much and why I’m so scared is because this is a love I’ve never felt before.” He held Magnus’s hands under one of his and used the other to cup Magnus’s cheek, waiting for him to look up. “A love I would never have been without.”

Not expecting any of it, Magnus’s breathing moved easier and it was possible to blink away his tears. He let a small smile cross his face and leaned in to kiss Alec soft and slowly.

* * *

The next weeks, things were easier. Nothing was good, nothing was less scary, but it was easier for them to be around each other. They talked about the birth, the hopes and the fears and the plans of breaking down the wall to the empty apartment next to theirs. The only things none of them would or could talk about was names and how to decorate the nursery.

Alec took time to listen when Magnus needed to ask the same questions over and over again. Questions they both knew they would never know the answer to and the questions they dreaded getting answered after the birth. And Magnus would hold Alec tight and whisper proclamations of love into his ear, whenever and wherever everything became too much and he broke down crying. They both understood that, no matter how hard it was to do, Magnus could escape from it all for a few hours a day with work, but even though no one at the clave knew, Alec would still have all the side effects of the pregnancy to remind him all day round, not to talk about the belly which they would both swear got visually bigger for each day. It was a constant reminder for both of them that the day they both equally feared and wished for was getting closer.

Alec had talked to Izzy almost every day and to Jace more than ever before too. He’d even talked to his mom once but had decided that he would settle for texting her unless he needed to uncontrollably break down again. She’d had to yell into the phone that she would come over if he didn’t get his breathing in order. Magnus had Catarina, and Alec loved that he felt free to call Maryse too since he couldn’t himself. It was good for all three of them.

Alec spent most afternoons in the couch or walking back and forth on the balcony. Half the time he was tired and needed to put up his swollen ankles and feet. The other half he had and legs cramps, backaches and felt bloated like never before, and he had to move and could only enjoy the cold evening air.

Catarina said it was all normal, and even though the shortness of breath was a bit early it was to be expected. They had visited New York for an ultrasound, but with all of his family around at the same time, Alec had felt smothered and he was glad that Magnus had suggested that Catarina should come to Alicante the next time. Both times there had been no difference in their girls lungs. Catarina had hoped for a little progress just to give some indication of what they had to work with, but while their boy had slowly started to make fine and normal organs their girl seemed to have slowed down and her lungs were still almost nonexistent. Both exams had gone over in silence except for Catarina’s explanations and ended her closing the door to leave them lying in each other’s arms crying.

Alec’s eyes burned at the thought of it. He leaned against the railing and breathed in deep. He tried to keep everything down when he was alone. He had to wait till Magnus came home, or it would hurt too much. Just as he’d taken the last deep breath needed to stand up straight and start walking again, Magnus walked through the front door. He quickly figured out where Alec had to be and joined him, breathing him with a small kiss on the cheek and a hand in Alec’s.

“You’re exhausted, c’mon.”

It took Alec a second to realize that they weren’t walking to the couch on the balcony where Magnus usually say him down and more than often sat under his legs, massaging his feet. They turned into the bedroom and, before Alec could figure out what to say, he was sitting on the edge if the bed and Magnus was kneeled in front of him, untying his shoes.

“It’s 4 pm. I’m not _that_ tired.”

Magnus shook his head and kissed Alec slowly on his lips before he pushed him carefully to lie back down. “I know. But I’m not going to watch you walk around like this without doing anything, and since you insist on making the trip to the clave everyday…” He lifted Alec’s hand and kissed it before turning the alarm clock on the bedside table and read the time.

“Magnus, what is going on?” Alec felt uneasy, even with Magnus being so calm and certain.

“I know you said you didn’t wanted to, but I talked to Anthony.”

“No, Magnus.” Alec tried to sit, but Magnus pushed him back down, and then prompted him up a little with a pillow as his breathing became strained from the babies pressing at his lungs.

“Yes, Alexander. You’re miserable in your body, I can see it. He can help.”

They had had this talk a few times over the past week, but Alec had turned it down every time. When Anthony was last here, he was nauseous and desperate and they had told him why, but now he would actually see. Alec looked down at his belly, which looked ridiculously big and felt like it too. But the thing worrying him the most was that, even though it made no sense to Alec, the acupuncture had made him relax both his mind and body in a way he hadn’t tried before. He didn’t want that now. He didn’t want that wall down with anyone other than Magnus in the room.

“Magnus.” Alec whispered not to provoke a break in his voice. “I can’t do that.”

“Sure you can.” Magnus leaned in and kissed his forehead. “You need it. I know you don’t want to be exposed. But he didn’t tell anyone about this before and he won’t now. He’s a professional and wont judge you.”

Of course Magnus was right. Alec took Magnus’s hand and smiled with a small nod. Magnus leaned in for a kiss more, but was interrupted by a text on his phone.

“He’s ready.”

Without pause, Magnus got up and walked into the living room and opened a portal. Seconds later the tall blonde vampire entered their bedroom. Alec had forgotten how much he liked Anthony Glaspy; he somehow managed a balance of calm, kind and professional while not talking down to them or babying Alec. Anthony’s smile didn’t fade as he laid eyes on Alec, but he couldn’t hide that he was taken back by the sight.

“Hi Anthony.” Alec smiled with a sigh of surrender to the situation and stayed laying half elevated on the two pillows.

“Hello Alec. Remind me, how long is it since we last saw each other?”

Alec knew what he was asking and shared a quick smile with Magnus as Magnus climbed up to sit next to him in the bed.

“About four months.”

Anthony put his bag on the floor and sat down on the chair Magnus had pulled up to the side of the bed. “Not more than that?” He looked at Alec’s belly again and when he looked Alec in the eyes again he suddenly seemed almost embarrassed about what he’d just said.

Alec smiled and put a hand on his belly. “I was six months yesterday, so unfortunately there’s quite some time to go.”

Anthony nodded and straightened his back, looking at Magnus. “I understand that’s why you called.”

Magnus rested his hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Yeah. The back-pain and swelling in his legs and feet are the worst of it.”

“I see.” He looked at Alec as he was studying him, and if Alec couldn’t read in his face that he saw nothing of concern, he would have hated being under such scrutiny. “You look better than when I last saw you, so I guess you’re staying healthy otherwise?”

“I’m not puking every other hour, if that’s what you’re asking.” Alec laughed and Anthony let out a short laugh too.

“I guess that was what I was asking.” He smiled at Magnus and for a second Alec realized what relief it was to have someone there who could help with something, anything, but with whom they didn’t need to talk about all the horrible stuff with. For a second Alec’s throat tightened but he swallowed and turned to Anthony as he opened his bag.

“Alec. Ideally I would have you lying face down and treat both your legs and your back. We could do your legs and back at the same time through points in your ears, but I think it would be more effective if you chose what you need the most. You can be on your back for the legs and your side for the back.”

For days, Alec had sworn to Magnus that it wasn’t that bad, that he was mostly tired, but there was no denying that he really needed to do something about his lower back and that it was nothing compared to his swollen and sore legs.

“Let’s start with my back.”

Magnus took his hand and nodded down at him. Alec was sure that Magnus in that second was proud of him. It felt weird, mostly since Alec wasn’t embarrassed by it.

“Alright.” Anthony stood up and removed the glass and the clock from the nightstand to make room for his things. “I need you to take off your shirt and turn to your side. Magnus, can you get some pillows so he will be steady and comfortable?”

Propped up with a pillow between his knees, one under his head and a few in front of his chest to rest his arm on, Alec was the most comfortable he’d been in a long time. It was even easier to breathe. If it wasn’t for the sound of the small sterile plastic packs being unwrapped behind him, he was sure he could actually sleep through the night like this.

The room smelled of disinfectant as Alec heard Anthony rub his hands. “I’m sorry Alec, but I need you to pull your pants down a little.”

“Oh.” Alec looked hastily down at Magnus who was standing at the foot end of the bed after having gotten everything, especially Alec, settled. “Sure.”

Alec shifted a little and reached back for the waistband in his rather comfortable dress-pants, Magnus had magically enhanced and made elastic.

“Let me, Alexander.” Magnus moved Alec’s hand back and took hold of the pants pulling them a little. He paused and Alec was sure he looked at Anthony.

“Just under the buttocks.”

Magnus moved again.

“Wait.” Alec reached back and found Magnus’s wrist. “Why?”

Anthony spoke professional and compassionate as always. “I’ll place three here.” He touched Alec’s spine at waist height and an inch or two out on each side from it. It was where his pain was when he’d been walking.

Then Anthony placed a finger on each side of his spine just below where his waistband usually was. “Then two here, and three more on each side under them. A bit closer to the middle for each time moving down.”

Alec frowned as he was counting. “Eleven?”

“Yes, Alec.”

There was a hand on his shoulder and for a second he thought I was Anthony, but the thumb rubbing his upper arm was not professional. Alec looked up and saw Magnus leaning over him with a soft smile. He leaned down and placed a quick kiss on his mouth before looking him in the eyes again. “You’re good at this, remember?”

Alec knew Magnus was amazed how Alec handled the many visits from Anthony before, but this was something else. Moving down three times under there, would mean that the lowest two needles would be at the end of his butt-crack, possibly on the insides of his upper cheeks, and he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with another man even seeing that part of him.

“Alec.” Anthony waited for him to answer and as Magnus stood back, Alec was sure he could see him nodding as a response. “Listen, I know it’s a lot to handle, but all three of us know that you’ll do fine and that you’ll feel better from it.”

“You’re right.” Alec nodded at Magnus and turned all the way back to his comfortable state as his pants were pulled down so his whole ass was shown to the room.

The first two needles wasn’t bad. But when Anthony cleaned the skin over his spine he tensed up and held on tighter to Magnus’s hand. Anthony clearly noticed as he paused. “It’s only your skin. I’m not touching your spine.”

Alec took a deep breath and did his best to relax, but he was sure it would hurt there either way. He was right. Alec growled and pulled Magnus’s hand to his chin as he instinctively pulled away from the pain before freezing in fear that he’d messed up.

“Sorry. I know I shouldn’t move.” Alec forced the words out in record speed while still slightly winded from the shock of pain.

“It’s alright Alec. I’d already let go of the pin, when you reacted. It’s not unsafe to move a little. Does it hurt still?”

Magnus’s thumb rubbed the back of Alec’s hand a bit firmer and faster and it felt good to smile up at him and tell that he couldn’t even feel it now.

“Good, I’m cleaning your lover back now. You’re in pain here too, right?”

Alec sighed deep and closed his eyes. The top of what he thought they called the tailbone was aching constantly, and often it was the only thing on his mind.

“Yeah, I am. A lot actually.” He looked up at Magnus, not knowing if he expected him to be disappointed that he hadn’t told him that it was bothering him that much. He didn’t expect to see him nodding with a smile and carefully reach to brush a stray curl from Alec’s forehead.

The cold disinfectant on the top of his butt-cheeks made Alec jump a little and Magnus moved to sit a bit closer to his head and buried a hand in his hair. It was all kinds of weird to have another man wash the part if him where his back turned into his ass, but as soon as the touch disappeared, the discomfort was replaced with the worrying suspense that that was now the target of the needles.

“Listen, Alec. I’ll place them without breaks. It’s possible that you won’t feel it much, but if you do, it’s easier on you this way. Just remember that you have every right to stop or ask for a break, alright?”

“Alright.” Alec only whispered and it seemed like Anthony needed more confirmation than that, because he didn’t start until Magnus had kissed Alec’s temple and sat up, nodding at him.

“Here we go. Hold still.”

Alec held on tight to Magnus’s hand as the first touch hit high on his cheek, or low on his back. It felt like only a tap of a finger and the one in the other side did too. The two next a step lower didn’t hurt either, but the movement in that direction had Alec’s lungs speeding up and him clenching his jaw.

“Doing great, Alec. Half way.” Anthony pushed the next one in and Alec tensed his entire body not to move from the shock that he felt it.

Magnus massaged his scalp slow with the fingers buried deeply in Alec’s hair as he leaned in to his ear and spoke quietly. “Breathe Alexander. You’re doing great.” The next went in opposite the other and both Alec’s hand Magnus’s hands tightened in each other’s grip. “Almost there, Cariño.”

The next one was too low. Too painful. Too much to handle, and Alec couldn’t hold back a cry from surprise and pain.

“Sorry, Alec. One more.”

“No. Stop.” Alec pulled his hand from Magnus’s to reach back, but Magnus grabbed his wrist in time and pulled his arm back to his front and held it firmly in both of his.

“Hey, Alec. I’m not doing anything. You said stop.” Anthony sounded like himself. Not concerned by Alec’s outburst at all.

“I just need a break.” Alec panted for air but slowly relaxed his arm and Magnus loosened his hold on his hand.

“Alexander.” Magnus was only whispering. “You don’t need to. If it’s too much.”

“I know, Magnus.” Alec freed his hand from Magnus’s and reached up to cup his cheek. “I’m fine. I just freaked for a second.”

Alec was sure that the fast pace had contributed to the small panic, but he knew that if they would have stopped to talk between every needle he would have had the feeling he had now, five or six more times.

He closed his eyes and felt Magnus’s hand in his hair and one holding his hand. “Anthony. I’m ready.”

“Alright. Last one.”

Alec tensed up and held his breath as the pinch spread pain throughout his lower back as if it was burning every muscle in the area. It lasted less than a second but Alec didn’t ease up before Magnus kissed his cheek and spoke right in front of his face.

“Cariño. Does it still hurt?”

Alec breathed deeply and shook his head as he released the air and opened his eyes.

“Do you feel any of them?” Magnus was on edge but clearly not worried.

“No, I’m good now.” Alec lifted Magnus’s hand to his mouth for a slow kiss.

Anthony stood up behind Alec and as he covered him with a thin sheet he leaned in just enough that Alec could see him if he turned his head as far as he could.

“Alec. I see you’re tense, exhausted, and not just from pain and discomfort.”

Alec locked his jaw and breathed in ready to interrupt and tell Anthony to back the hell off. It looked as if Anthony noticed and he held his hand up as to pause the conversation for a second.

“You tell me if I’m wrong or if you don’t want my help, but I could place those two in your ear like the last two times I was here.”

Alec looked up at Magnus, but quickly broke eye-contact as he realized that Magnus had already made his mind up that it was a good idea. The first time they had done that, Anthony had talked about relief of stress, anxiety and pain. He’d said that it could held Alec calm a bit and relax his nerves. Alec had doubted all of it, the physicality of acupuncture he could get behind but the mental stuff seemed far fetched to him. That night he’d felt more calm and collected that he could remember since getting pregnant. It was as if the need to solve everything right this second was gone, and so was the restlessness and the constant pressure of the worry. Alec wasn’t so sure it would be good now. He knew what happened when him and Magnus tried to relax and accept that they couldn’t do anything this second to solve their problems.

“Alexander.” Magnus leaned in close and brushed his fingertips over Alec’s cheek. “Sayang, let him help you.”

Alec bit his bottom lip and shook his head.

“It’s alright, Alec. It’s just an offer. If you change your mind we can do it tomorrow while I do your legs, which will be a lot easier than the back.”

“No, wait.” Magnus held Alec’s hand tighter as he looked at Anthony. “He needs it.”

“Magnus…”

“Alexander.” Magnus curled his back to get his face all the way down in front of Alec’s. “Please, Alexander. You have to loosen up. Not only for your sake.” He looked quickly at Alec’s belly but then found his eyes again and slowly lifted Alec’s hand up and placed it flat on Magnus’s own heart. “For _me_ too. Please do it for me.”

It was no secret between them that Alec was carrying close to his limit and that Magnus was too as he was carrying the worry for Alec’s wellbeing on top of the worry they both had about the kids. But that also meant that Magnus didn’t sleep well either. That he walked around just as tensed as Alec and with just a deep a frown.

“Alright.” Alec smiled at Magnus as he saw the relief on his face. “But, only if you do it too.”

Magnus froze and the frown was right back between his eyebrows as it had been for weeks. “Me?”

“Yeah, Magnus. Don’t think that I don’t see that you’re just as messed up as me. You need a change for your body to relax a little too.”

“But, I have magic, Alexander. I can do it myself or get Catarina…”

“Magnus.” Alec took his chin in a light grip. “I know how this feels if you let it. It’s not the same. Besides, I’m only agreeing to it if you are.”

Magnus used a few seconds looking at Alec and then he looked up at Anthony who stood silently behind Alec, waiting for things to unfold.

“Magnus, Love.” Alec pulled Magnus’s shoulder, gesturing for him to lie down opposite him. “You need it too. It’s not bad, besides; it’s only a second.”

To Alec’s surprise, Magnus didn’t argue further and silently lied down and tugged the pillow under his head so he was lying face to face with Alec.

The silence lasted long enough that the next to speak was Anthony. “So, ehm. Who’s first?”

“Me.” Alec smiled at Magnus and took his hand and held it on the pillow between them.

Anthony cleaned Alec’s ear and warned him before placing the first needle. It hurt more this time around, but it made sense; he was more stressed and tense than last. Still he only held his breath as he closed his eyes for a second.

“Alexander?” Magnus held Alec’s hand tight as he whispered.

“It’s fine Magnus. It doesn’t hurt now.”

The second needle was worse and Alec had to force himself not to tighten his grip on Magnus’s hand, but there was no way of hiding the hiss he released as he let out the air trapped in his lungs.

“Alright, Alec.” Anthony stood back and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Are there any pins that feels off?”

Alec shook his head slowly, only keeping his eyes on Magnus’s face getting slowly paler. “No, I don’t feel anything.”

Anthony stood behind Magnus, and for the first time in over an hour, Alec saw his reassuring and confident smile. It stood in clear contrast to the dread on Magnus’s face. The second Anthony brought the alcohol swab down to Magnus’s ear, Alec put his hand on Magnus’s chin and started brushing his thumb over his cheekbone. He felt the deep swallow Magnus made and against everything his body told him, Alec pushed his other arm out from under the pillow in front of him and took Magnus’s hand tight in his.

Anthony didn’t seem to be concerned that Alec had moved. “You ready Magnus?”

Magnus breathed deeply, but didn’t move or answer. He kept his eyes locked firmly on Alec’s and Alec took it upon himself to give the go-ahead.

When the needle went in, Magnus pulled Alec’s hand to his chest and grabbed it with his other hand too. For a few seconds Alec just waited for him to loosen up and relax his breathing, but when he realized that it wasn’t just an instant reaction, he nodded at Anthony to get the other one ready.

“Hang on, Magnus.” Alec drew small swirls and lines over Magnus’s cheek with his thumb. “One more.”

Only a growl, added to Magnus’s state as the second needled was placed.

“Love?” With quite the struggle, Alec pulled Magnus’s hand to himself and rested his chin on it. “Does they still hurt?”

Magnus shook his head.

“Then relax. Look at me.”

Slowly, Magnus loosened his hand and as his shoulders sunk, he opened his eyes and found Alec’s.

Anthony had excused himself to the living room. He would come in if they needed him. If not he would be in in an hour to take the needles out.

Magnus’s eyes was slowly softening and as the span between his slow blinks became shorter Alec let his hand drop from Magnus’s face and land on the three already intertwined hands between their chests. He tried not to think about it; to just enjoy the feeling of relaxed muscles but still total control over his body. Actually, this might be the most in control he’d been in over a month.

With a long and slow breath Alec closed his eyes and tried to will all the emotions away, right along with the anxiousness, but he knew it didn’t work like that. The emotions would always stay. He was only reminded of that when he opened his eyes again and saw Magnus’s chin quivering and a tear running over his nose to the other side of his face.

“It’s alright, Magnus.” Alec brushed his thumbs over the back of Magnus’s hands and gave him a small smile just as he felt his own eyes burn and only seconds later his own silent tears broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: Isabelle means -pledged to God- Which I think fits with her loyalty to the shadowhunters. But in this chapter she's hinting to her middle-name: Sophia, which means -wisdom- or -skill-.
> 
> Site note: Magnus means -Greatest- and I can't get over that.


	21. Magnus's magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're both trying to live with the fact that their girl might not make it. Only one thing could make it better, but would most likely make everything much worse too. That's why they both agreed that they wouldn't use magic.

It felt good; Magnus’s healing. At first it was like a cool gust of air soothing the pain from the injury, then the familiar buzzing took over and soon it would feel just short of too much. Never painful, but enough that Alec couldn’t hide the long controlled breath pulled into his lungs. When the magic let go it was like the buzz turned into soft heat, relaxing the area around the place where the injury was before.

Because he had his iratze, Alec hadn’t tried it so many times, but he would always recognize it. When the cold faded and the buzz took over, Alec, more unconscious than awake, pulled his casted hand to his chest.

“No. It’s not safe.”

Not yet able to see out of his barely open eyes, he tugged his hand under his pillow and shook his head. “Magnus, stop! Don’t!”

A firm hand took his shoulder and instinctively pulled away from it.

“Alexander, calm down.”

“No!” Alec blinked his eyes open and looked up at Magnus sitting on his knees next to him in bed. He seemed calm and collected, maybe a bit relived as there eyes met. Alec pushed himself up, realizing that using his hand wasn’t bothering him like the day before. It hadn’t been painful for over a week, but he’d learned that healing naturally was leaving a soreness for a while. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Alexander.” Magnus moved closer and took both of Alec’s shoulders. “You’re okay. Breathe.”

Alec shook his head and stumbled to his feet in seconds to get as far away from Magnus’s touch and magic as possible.

“Cintaku…”

“Don’t!” Alec shook his head as how oblivious to his anger Magnus was and it only made his whole body shake even more. “How could you?!”

“Alexander. I don’t know why you’re acting like this.” Magnus took a few steps on his knees in the bed to get closer to Alec, but Alec held his hands up to stop him and took a step back. “Sit down, please. You need to calm down.”

“Not anywhere near you!”

Alec grabbed his clothes from the day before and took of into the living room. It wasn’t easy to get clothed while shaking and panting in fear and anger while balancing on one foot with the now big belly. It took longer than he wanted, but he was too worked up to sit to get control.

“Alexander, what are you doing? Where are you going?”

Alec tensed but Magnus had stopped in the door from the bedroom so he didn’t need to stop him again.

“I’m going to figure out what damage you’ve done.” Alec paused and put the second arm through his jacket sleeve slower. This could mean anything. He had no idea what magic running through his body could do to the babies. Burning pressed at his eyes and a lump got stuck in his throat. He tugged the front of the jacket close around his chest and grossed his arms over it, as if he was cold.

“How could you?” His voice cracked as a tear ran over his cheek. Magnus looked baffled by his reaction and Alec took a deep breath trying to realize what betrayal he’d just been though and that Magnus was surprised that he was furious. Alec shook his head and could only make a cry-strangled whisper. “Was it some kind of sick test run?”

Magnus shook his head and took a step closer but withdrew to just inside the bedroom as Alec’s breathing promptly got loud and strained. “Alexander, Cariño. Please take a second to explain why you’re panicking. I don’t know why you’re so angry.”

Rage rose like heat through Alec’s body and as he stormed out of the apartment he made sure that Magnus knew that he shouldn’t follow.

* * *

Confused by the way Alec had sprung from the bed and out the apartment at two in the morning, Magnus dropped down sitting limp on the foot end of the bed. Magnus had never seen Alec like that; it had been pure hurt and hatred in his eyes. Alec was scared of course but it had never crossed Magnus’s mind that he could be that angry, that Magnus would be at the receiving end of such hate.

It took a few tries before Magnus could breathe calm enough that he was sure he could make words. As soon as he did he called Alec’s number. He didn’t answer, of course he didn’t, and Magnus’s eyes welled up. What was he supposed to do? He could track him, but it would most definitely get Alec even more worked up.

He tried calling four more times over the next five minutes only accomplishing getting more worried himself. He considered calling Jace for a second, but he would definitely not talk to Magnus if he felt the same fear and hate as Alec did.

He decided to text Alec and hope that he would read it. He might, since there was no commitment to answer like picking up the phone.

_Alexander. I’m scared for you. Please let me know if you’re safe. _

Before pressing send, Magnus considered to ask Alec to come home to talk to him, but one request might be too much to ask, let alone two. He pulled in an almost deep but shaky breath as he folded both hands around the phone in his lap. As the seconds and minutes went by, Magnus’s breathing became more strained but his powerlessness still had his shoulders limp and curled forward.

As he blinked away tears for God knows which time his phone vibrated.

_How can you even ask that?! What about the babies? My hand isn’t broken. Don’t even try and deny it! I got an x-ray!_

Magnus read the text again, and one more time after his hands stopped shaking. Why wouldn’t Alec just think it was a dream. Air moved suddenly freely in Magnus’s lungs. He stopped himself from instinctively calling Alec. He clearly wasn’t ready for that yet.

_You were going to get the cast of next week, I’m sure it healed by itself. You must have dreamt it. Alexander, I didn’t heal you. I would never do that to our babies._

Magnus looked at the screen of his phone for almost ten minutes before he realized that Alec wasn’t answering. If Alec was sure it wasn’t a dream, why would he believe Magnus? Slowly his chest turned rigid and his throat locked up so he needed to consciously work to swallow.

* * *

After the familiar sound of a portal opening in the Clave’s medical center, Catarina came bursting through the door to the exam room where Alec had been waiting for under five minutes.

“Alec? What happened?” She rushed to him and stood in front of his knees bent over the edge of the exam table. He hadn’t been able to say anything but when she didn’t answer his text he’d called her anyway. Only gasps and sniffles had made it through. Only after that had she seen his text asking her to come to the Clave medical center.

She looked quickly over his slightly shaking body and ended on his red face and trembling chin. Alec wished he could just ask what he needed of her but his throat and lungs wouldn’t let him; it was a wonder how he was even upright.

“Alec, Honey. What is it?” She looked around the room and then put a hand on his shoulder making him look at her. “Isn’t Magnus with you?”

Looking at Catarina, he shook his head and let a few tears run over his face. With no delay he was embraced by her strong arms and he let the last of the air out of his lungs with a deep sigh. Catarina held his head tight to her shoulder and kissed him on the top of his head before she separated them. With a light hold on his chin, she lifted his face for them to look at each other.

“Talk to me.”

Alec wanted to, he wanted to ask her to find out if anything had happened to the babies, and he wanted her to fix it if it had, but it took time for him to get his lungs working again and his throat clear, so he just nodded.

Catarina reached back with her foot and pushed the little chair closer and sat down in front of Alec taking his hand without the cast.

“Alec?”

“Magnus…” Alec’s voice broke and he had no idea if it was because he was scared, angry or heartbroken that Magnus would do this. “Catarina. Magnus healed me.”

Surprise folded a line between Catarina’s eyebrows and she shook her head as if she didn’t understand. “He healed your baby? I thought you didn’t want to do that.”

“We didn’t.” Alec shook his head. “_I_ didn’t. But I don’t know if he…” Alec took his hand from Catarina and protectively wrapped his arms around his belly. He swallowed hard and looked to the foot end of the bed where the x-rays were.

With even more confusion painted over her face, Catarina silently took the pictures and studied them closely. Slowly, her look softened and a small smile even decorated her lips as she looked up at Alec.

“Honey, your hand is supposed to be healed by now. The cast only stay on for the next week to be sure it’s completely back to normal.”

Alec shook his head and swallowed. It was easy to explain if it didn’t hurt to say it out loud. “No. I felt it; he healed me when I was sleeping.”

Catarina sighed and reached up for his shoulder but stopped mid-movement as something on the picture caught her eye. Alec held his breaths as he followed her every move with his eyes. She walked across the room and turned on the light in a screen and hung the pictures over it, making it much clearer.

“Catarina?” Alec whispered as he wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer. What if the pregnancy had done something to him that he couldn’t handle magic at all? It had to be bad if she could see it on an x-ray of only his hand.

She let the pictures be when she slowly sat down in front of him again and this time took the hand with the cast. “When bones heal it will be a little thicker where the break was. You will always be able to see where it was.”

Alec wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but he followed her eyes to the pictures. There was nothing. It looked as if the hand had never been touched.

“So, it’s…” He looked at her while desperately holding on to the hope that he’d been wrong all along. “Did I get someone else’s picture from the computer?”

Catarina slowly shook her head and rubbed her hand up his arm, above the cast. “No, Alec. This is definitely your hand, but it was healed with magic.”

With a huge fast gasp Alec wrapped his arms around his belly, and as the fear for the babies health and the thought that he would never be able to look Magnus in the eyes again washed over him, he heaved in air faster and faster. His eyes blurred before Catarina’s hands were on his shoulders.

“Alec. Take a deep breath.” As he could only shake his head at her, she pushed him down to lie on his side. “C’mon.” She spoke calmly as she lifted his legs up on the table.

Steady on his side, Alec held on desperately to Catarina’s hand and slowly her other hand rubbing small circles on his shoulder helped him calm his breathing enough to feel steady too.

“We’ll figure it out, Alec. You hear me?” She leaned down in front of him and lined up with his face. “It’s not sure magic is a problem at all.”

Alec swallowed and looked at his hands around Catarina’s. “It’s in the book for a reason. They tried a lot of things before that we don’t know about. Catarina…” Alec sniffled and blinked tears out of his eyes as he looked up at her. “You have to make sure.”

She smiled compassionately and put a light hand on his cheek. “Of course, Honey. But are you sure Magnus shouldn’t be here?”

“Yes.” Alec tensed up and looked her straight in the eyes. “_He_ did this. He risked their safety and then lied about it. He’s not a part of this anymore.”

As she nodded and silently stood up, Catarina looked more as she was humoring him than she’d understand how honest Alec was.

She rolled over the ultrasound and lifted the head end of the table. Without talking he pulled up his shirt and she got everything ready. The last two ultrasounds had been horrible. There was only three things to learn; was it the same? Worse? Or was it better? The last question had been almost forgotten the last time. This time was more than Alec could follow and he ended up locking his eyes to the ceiling as he waited for the many questions being answered. Did Magnus heal his little girl? Did it work? What would it mean for the pregnancy and his boy, who was fine yesterday? What if he only healed his hand? Would it still impact the pregnancy? Alec breathed in deep and controlled his breathing enough to lie still as Catarina slowly moved the scanner all over his belly.

Catarina put the scanner away, but Alec kept his eyes on the invisible spot above him while she wiped the gel of his skin. After moving his shirt back down she rolled a bit closer to his head and took his hand. “Alec. Whatever happened to your hand, it didn’t affect the babies. They are both the right size and look healthy except for the girls lungs still not developing. I don’t see anything different.”

Alec wasn’t relieved. It didn’t make sense; Catarina had just told him that there was nothing bad happening. He closed his eyes and drew in a gulp of air. It wasn’t true; she hadn’t told him that it wasn’t bad, she’d just said that it wasn’t worse than before, which was still terrible.

A soft hand graced his cheek, making him turn to Catarina and slowly open his eyes. She was sitting in his eye-level looking at him with soft eyes. “I know you somehow hoped. I’m sorry. Just to be sure I can give you a complete check-up if you want it…”

Alec nodded hastily and pushed himself higher before speaking, but she hushed him and took his hand with the cast in both of hers.

“It’s still the middle of the night. Let’s take this off and you can sleep a bit. I’ll stay and I can give you something to calm down a bit if you need it.”

“No.” He whispered through a sob. “I don’t want anything.”

* * *

“_Magnus.”_

Catarina’s voice had Magnus draw in the first full breath since Alec had left hours before.

“Please tell me he’s with you.”

“_Alec is here, yes. He’s sleeping._”

Magnus dropped to the couch he’d been pacing in front of for the last half hour at least. “Okay. Good.” He wanted to ask every question he’d thought desperately walking around alone in the apartment. “Just… Catarina, is he…? How is he?”

“_He’s worked up. It took him a long time to calm down, even after he let me give him a sedative. What the hell happened?_” It sounded as Catarina was getting angry too and Magnus’s eyes burned again. He couldn’t handle that as well. She was his only link to Alec. _“Why aren’t you here? You could have just tracked him?_”

“It wasn’t safe. He was too upset… angry. He was angry with me and I was scared to provoke him.” Magnus brushed at tears that had not yet formed. “I didn’t want him to panic. What is going on with him? Catarina, what do I do?”

“_Nothing right now. I’m sorry Magnus, but he doesn’t want to see you, and he specifically asked that I didn’t tell you anything._”

“But…” Magnus shook his head as if he didn’t believe he’d heard right. “But, it’s my kids too. I need to know if they’re alright. And Alec. Catarina please, you have to tell me if he’s is okay.”

“_Magnus listen. I’ll take good care of him you know that. For now you just have to wait._”

Magnus’s body went numb, only the arm holding the phone to his ear was working. His lungs moved calm and stable but too slow.

“_Magnus? Darling? Can you hear me?_”

“Yeah.” It was only a whisper, but he clearly heard Catarina breathing got more steady from it. He shook his head as to get back in the fight, not sure how he would ever get what he wanted from this conversation. “What do I tell Jace? He’s been calling.”

“_He’s called Alec’s phone too. I’ll call him in a minute, but he won’t hear more than you. I’m sorry._”

Magnus felt a warm line drawing over his cheek. “Just make sure he’s… Just keep him safe.”

“_I will Darling. I’ll stay with him, okay?_”

Not realizing that she wouldn’t see it, Magnus nodded as an answer and hung up the call. His phone dropped to the seat beside him and his hand landed limp in his lap with the other.

* * *

With a loud yelp Alec shot up in bed. This time the cold touch of the magic had been enough to wake him.

“Alec.” Catarina ran from a desk on the other side of the room and grabbed Alec’s shoulders to keep him in bed, but he couldn’t stand if he wanted. The familiar buzz that used to be so good, continued under his arms wrapped around his middle. “Alec. Look at me and take a deep breath.”

Alec looked up but kept what little air he had in.

From one second to the other it was gone. There was no warmth after it; it felt like it had never really happened. He blinked a few times to focus in the dark room and slowly got his breathing back in working order.

Catarina sat down on the edge of the bed but didn’t let go of his shoulders before he was lying all the way down on his back again. She took his newly freed hand and held it lightly. “What just happened? Nightmare?”

Alec shook his head. It felt so real, but the way it had just gone away as he’d woken up, made room for doubt. “I don’t know. It felt like…” He placed his free hand on his belly and looked from it to Catarina. “It was a dream.”

“Alright Alec.” Catarina stood up and with a smile on her face, she lifted his head and elevated him with a few more pillows. “I know you don’t want to get the same news, but will you be able to sleep before we check on the little ones again?”

Alec bit his lower lip to keep his chin from quivering. He didn’t want to do another ultrasound; it hurt worse for every time he’d get the bad news, and the one earlier had been unbearable. He didn’t want to call anyone, but he was getting painfully aware that he couldn’t do any of this alone.

Catarina took his hand and smiled at him. “I can’t believe that Magnus would heal your hand, but believing that he did could have prompted this nightmare. Honey, we need to. If only to get you back to reality.”

Slowly, Alec nodded. He turned his head away kept it like that while Catarina got the machine from the other room and prepared for the second ultrasound that night.

* * *

“Alexander?” Magnus only dared to whisper into the phone, as if he could scare him away or wake himself from the dream he was having.

“_Mag…_” Alec’s voice broke and Magnus stood up straight from the couch where he’d been sitting for over three hours.

“Alexander?!” All his doubt forgotten; Magnus raised his voice. “What is it? Are you okay?!”

“_I… I don’t…_”

Magnus’s heart beat too hard for him to stand still and he walked to the hallway as if he wanted to run out the door and find Alec, even though he would open a portal as soon as he knew where he was.

“Alexander, Sweetie. Tell me where you are?”

Alec heaved for air and no words came through. Magnus was ready to drop the phone and track Alec when heard someone talking in the background. “_Alec, c’mon._” Then the lined scratched as the phone was moved.

“_Magnus, it’s me._”

“Catarina. What’s going on?”

“_We’re at the Clave medical center. He wants you here._”

Not knowing if he managed to turn it off, Magnus stuffed his phone in his pocket and opened a portal.

* * *

Alec sat on the edge of the bed, only Catarina’s hands kept him from standing. The shirt he’d clearly slept in was half pulled down over his belly shining with the gel from an ultrasound. Gasping for air and holding firmly on to Catarina’s upper arms he let tears run in a steady stream over his cheeks. Seemingly not aware of the portal opening and closing on the other side of the room, his red eyes wavered aimless around.

“Alexander!” Magnus all but screamed at him while standing frozen where he’d stepped into the room.

Alec’s eyes locked at Magnus instantaneously. “Ma…” He gasped and tired to push Catarina out of the way, but Magnus ran to his side and did it for him, replacing her hands on Alec’s shoulder with his own.

“Stay here. Breathe.”

Alec shook his head and placed a shaky hand on Magnus’s cheek. “I’m…” He swallowed deeply looked down for a second before locking eyes with Magnus and trying again.

“I’m sorry.” His chin quivered and new tears pushed the previous faster down his face. “Magnus, I’m…”

“Alexander. Don’t.” Magnus cradled Alec’s head, making his forehead rest against his collarbone. “I’m not mad. Just calm yourself down, okay?”

Magnus breathed a little deeper when he felt Alec’s strong arms wrapped around his waist. Forcing his own tears back, he massaged Alec’s scalp and rubbed his upper back for minutes as he listened to his loud sobbing fading into small sniffles and a few sporadic gulps for air.

“Are you ready to explain what’s going on?”

Alec nodded against Magnus’s shoulder and slowly pushed himself back to an upright position. Magnus cupped Alec’s cheeks and lifted his face to look him in the eyes. He smiled; not sure he could hide the fear for what Alec was going to tell him. Not giving up the fight with his own emotions, Magnus wiped Alec’s tears with his thumbs and still holding his face lightly, he leaned in and kissed Alec’s forehead.

“I’m so sorry.” Alec’s voice cracked again.

“Stop.” Magnus put a finger over Alec’s lips and when Alec nodded he sat down next to him. With a hold on his cheek, he turned Alec’s head towards himself, “Alexander. You were scared. It’s okay, but please tell me what has you acting like this now.”

“My hand was healed with magic…”

“No, Alexander.” Magnus shook his head and took Alec’s, previously broken, hand carefully in his. “I didn’t do that. I would never risk you or the babies.”

It was weird how adamant Alec was on this but even more curious was it that he wasn’t angry. Magnus had understood the angry when he’d figured out what Alec believed. With a small smile, Alec looked up at Catarina and the nod she gave Magnus was clear as day; she believed it too. Alec was an emotional wreck and Magnus could forgive him for almost everything right now, but that Catarina believed that he would betray Alec’s trust like that, hurt him deeply.

She pulled over a chair and placed an unwelcome hand on Magnus’s knee, while encouragingly taking Alec’s other hand. “Just listen to what Alec says.”

Alec held on tighter to Magnus’s hand and insecure about everything, Magnus looked at him.

“It was your magic. Catarina healed me once and it was just, I don’t know; different.”

Magnus shook his head but except from the slightly shaking hand and occasionally deep calming sigh, Alec seemed okay, so he let the scene play out, although ready to talk his case after.

“It was only my hand that was healed and as far as Catarina can see it didn’t hurt the babies. I woke up a little while ago because I felt it again, but inside.”

Alec let go of Catarina and placed a palm on the top of his belly. Magnus held his breath. It had to have been a dream. Alec knew that he had to be in the room to heal him.

With a deep swallow filling the silence, Alec lifted Magnus’s hand to lie on his belly to. He leaned in a bit to look Magnus in the eyes and not sure what to believe, Magnus looked into kind eyes seeing a hint of nervousness. Alec wasn’t nervous about the babies or his own health anymore; Magnus had seen it before, he was scared that Magnus wouldn’t believe him.

“I should have talked to you. I got so angry. Magnus, I’m sorry. We should have gone here together.”

“Alexander.” Magnus took a deep breath. If Alec couldn’t tell him, he would have to force it out of Catarina. “Just say it.”

Alec nodded and took both of Magnus’s hands in his. “We did another ultrasound and…” He breathed in deep and a single tear moved slowly over his cheek. “She’s better.”

Only the worry on Alec’s face that Magnus didn’t believe him convinced Magnus that Alec wasn’t imagining it. He slowly shook his head and then let his eyes fall to Alec’s belly.

“But…” He whispered as he looked at Catarina. “How? I didn’t do it.”

“We know.” She stood up and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “You weren’t here.”

A stone dropped hard in Magnus’s stomach. He should have been there. If not next to Alec, at least in the next room.

“It’s okay, Magnus.” Alec smiled at him and squeezed his hands. “I made that choice. It was the wrong one but it was me making it.”

“Then how?”

Alec looked quickly up at Catarina and then into Magnus’s eyes. “We think it might have been the boy.”

Magnus’s arms went numb and his sight blurred at the edges as he looked from his pregnant husband to his best friend and their doctor. Everything was different with this pregnancy, but this was completely new ground.

Alec leaned in closer and firmly placed his hand on Magnus’s neck. “You don’t believe us.”

Magnus nodded silently and then looked up. “I do, I’ve just never heard about a warlock getting magic before four or five years old.” He looked up at Catarina. “I know some are born with their mark, but this…”

“I don’t know a case either, even five years old is rare. But right now it’s the best guess we have.” She rubbed Alec’s back and Magnus suddenly became aware that he was working himself up to crying again.

Magnus placed his hand on top of Alec’s on his neck and smiled at him. “It’s a good thing, Alexander. She’s better. No matter how.” Magnus’s eyes burned from hearing himself say it out loud.

Alec looked down. “What if it’s not him or her doing it? Then what?” He swallowed and shook his head. “And if it’s one of them?” Suddenly his body was shaking more again. “They don’t know what they’re doing. The magic could still hurt them or they could do something wrong.”

Magnus sighed and leaned in to try and comfort Alec, but Alec’s eyes met his before he could say a thing. Alec was scared now, as if he’d just realized that he should be. Alec gasped loudly and his chin quivered. “Magnus, they’re inside me.”

Without delay Magnus cupped his cheeks and pressed their foreheads together. “Shh, Sweetie. I get it, but they would never hurt you. If it’s them, they’re acting on instinct and they know you’re taking care of them.”

He slowly placed a firm kiss on Alec’s forehead and lifted his face to look him in the eyes and gave him a small smile. “They healed your hand, remember?”

Alec breathed in deep and nodded and Magnus pulled him in to a tight embrace. When he felt Alec loosen up a bit, he looked at Catarina.

“Is there a way to figure out what is going on?”

“I think so.” She sat down handing Magnus a small towel.

Alec sat back up and together they got the gel almost wiped off and minimized the sticky placed on his shirt. They both looked at the doctor and waited for her to continue.

“A warlock’s genetic code won’t show the warlock-gene until the mark is received. Since the mark comes before the magic, we can test the DNA.”

Magnus appreciated that Catarina called it a warlock-gene, even though they all knew it was the trace of a demon she would look for. Hoping that Alec wanted to do this, Magnus kept quiet and waited for him to decide.

Alec broke eye contact and looked at Catarina. “Will it hurt the babies?”

Catarina smiled kindly. “No, Honey. I won’t have to touch them at all.”

Alec nodded at Magnus and gave a small smile. “Okay, we need to know.”

“Wait.” Magnus had sudden doubt about this. “What about Alec? Will it hurt him?”

Catarina rolled the chair a little closer and took a hand from each of them. “You will feel it, but it’s quick and not dangerous. Nothing compared to anything you’ve already been through.” She looked up at Magnus, who wasn’t quite convinced. “It’s almost morning, how about you two get a bit of down time to get things talked over?”

Magnus wanted to know everything they could now. Most importantly he needed Alec to be okay, but looking at him, the best way to assure that, was clearly to give him more time to calm down and rest.

Catarina rolled the second bed up next to Alec’s, even though all three of them knew that Magnus wasn’t moving from Alec’s side.

“I’ll be back in a few hours and I’ll explain everything and you decide what to do.” She slowed her walk towards the door and looked at Alec. “I promised to check everything and I’ll still do that, but you chose what you want and what happens first, okay?”

Alec nodded and Magnus wrapped his arms around him as he leaned up against his chest.

* * *

“Are you sure you want this?”

Alec was sure he didn’t want to, but he didn’t have a choice. “We need to know what’s going on.”

Magnus rolled his chair closer to Alec’s head and held tight to his hand as he kissed it. “I know, but it’s your body; you are the one to draw the line, okay?”

Alec nodded, unable to talk as Catarina stepped up beside him. Alec felt Magnus’s hand shaking in his and heard him forcing his breathing calm, but for once he was sure that he was more anxious himself. The needles Catarina had prepared and Alec mistakenly had looked at, was freakishly long. He kept telling himself that they weren’t as thick as the one Magnus had used, but it didn’t help his lungs working.

Alec jumped from the cold gel for the ultrasound and quickly locked his eyes at the ceiling.

“Sorry, Dear. I should have warned you.” Catarina placed the scanner on him and started looking for the perfect place.

“It… It’s fine.”

Magnus buried his hand deeply in Alec hair and kissed his forehead lightly.

The device on his skin stilled. “Alright, Alec. It’ll be cold when I’m cleaning.”

Alec held his breath as the area where the needle would go in was revealed, on the side of his belly. He had been satisfied with the decision to not use more needles to num his skin. Catarina had given him the choice since it wasn’t even sure it would work or it might just hurt as much at the big needle. But when Catarina stood still next to him and asked him to keep breathing calm, he wasn’t so sure that the decision was right.

“Alexander, look at me.” Magnus moved his hand in Alec’s hair as to prompt him to move, but Alec couldn’t. If he was supposed to breathe while both him and his kids was at the wrong end of that huge needle, he couldn’t move anything else.

“Ready, Dear?”

Alec hummed the most ambiguous positive he’d ever heard.

The pinch wasn’t as painful as he’d feared, but the pressure inside was too strong and moved too deep.

“Cat…” He whispered, scared that he might move too much or startle her.

“It’s alright, Alec. Almost there. There’s enough amniotic fluid here, so there’s no risk going anywhere near your girl, and I’ll get enough so you only have to do I once.

Alec closed his eyes, again taking up the fight to not move. The reassurance for the girl’s safety was just what he needed, but that she didn’t have to stick him again for the test, was a hollow victory, since they needed to test the boy too.

“We’re done.” She took the scanner off him and placed her now free hand on the middle of his belly. “It might feel different when I pull out the needle, but everything is as it should be.”

Alec nodded and a second after a sore feeling spread on his side. Quickly it turned into something he could only describe as the cramps, he’d almost forgotten, from when he was bleeding. Forgetting not to move he reached over and grabbed Magnus’s hand with his other too and turned his head to look him straight in the eyes.

Magnus stood up and leaned over him. “Almost, Alexander. You’re doing great.”

Alec nodded, hoping it would help him to believe what Magnus said. The tense feeling quickly faded to nothing and he loosened his hands on Magnus’s.

“You alright?” Magnus kept standing and massaging Alec’s scalp and he didn’t let go of Alec’s hands. “You don’t have to do the next if it was too painful.”

Alec took a deep breath and let go of the tension in his body. “It wasn’t. It…” He thought it over and then shook his head. “It didn’t hurt, I think.”

Catarina took his shoulder. “You handled that really well. It’s not easy and knowing how you are with needles… is it weird if I say that I’m proud of you?”

Not sure how to react, Alec just gave her a small smile. Before he had to say anything, Magnus placed both hands lightly on the sides of Alec’s head and turned him to look at him.

“It’s not weird if I say it.”

Alec’s smiled widened and Magnus kissed him slowly before Alec turned to Catarina and asked her to get the next one ready.

The DNA test on the fluid around the boy, was done while Magnus held both Alec’s hands with one of his and had the other lightly placed on Alec’s cheek. Seeing Magnus’s eyes smiling at him all the way through made it easier and the hug and kisses he got after got him calmed down quicker.

* * *

Both Alec and Magnus had silently but eagerly agreed when Catarina had offered to test the amniotic fluid right away and then make sure Alec was alright after. Alec felt fine, except for the doubt of it all making his throat fight to let in air.

They waited for hours, holding hands, hardly talking. Only really interacting when one of them needed a hug or a thumb to wipe away one or two stray tears.

They both jumped as the door opened and Catarina walked in with a few papers in her hand. With steady steps she pulled up a chair to the bed where both of them sat crossed legged.

“So, I guess I should just tell you everything right away?”

Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec’s shoulders and Alec instinctively gathered his hands around Magnus’s other hand. He breathed in deep but still spoke just higher than a whisper. “Please.”

“Alright.” She held the papers in both hands but didn’t look away from the two men. “As we expected, both twins have DNA from both of you.”

Magnus’s arm tightened around Alec, and Alec pressed himself more against Magnus’s side.

“The test shows no diseases or anything else to be worried about. If your girl keep developing her lungs in this speed, it looks like both will be born healthy. If she’s still not quite ready we have medicine that can help her the last bit.”

She waited for Alec to look her in the eyes before continuing. “They both have traces of angel-blood. They might have some shadowhunter-qualities.”

Catarina didn’t take a long pause to place a hand on Magnus’s knee. “The boy has your magic. I can’t see his mark on the ultrasound, but it’s bound to be there.”

Alec turned to Magnus and held his chin with both palm. Magnus’s eyes looked into Alec’s but it was like he wasn’t really connecting. “Magnus? Love?”

Magnus swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. I’m…” His eyes finally focused but it was like he’d forgotten that he was saying something.

Alec smiled softly and kissed his cheek. Still drawing lines over Magnus’s cheekbone with a thumb, Alec took Magnus’s other hand before he looked at Catarina. “What about the girl?”

“She doesn’t show the warlock-gene, but that only means that we don’t know.”

Alec turned to Magnus again and smiled. “You hear that? He’s helping her.”

A sudden sadness showed on Magnus and he shook his head. Alec pushed his chin up, but Magnus looked down, nonetheless.

“What? This is great news.” Alec slowly gathered is hands around Magnus’s on his legs, in his line of sight. “Sure, it’s a bit unsettling having a baby using magic inside me, but he seems to know what he’s doing. Magnus, I trust him.”

Magnus took a deep breaths and swallowed so Alec could hear it was a struggle. “I do too, but it should have been me.”

Confused by the statement of sudden guilt, Alec sat still, waiting, not sure what to say.

“Alexander. He’s too small to use this much magic.”

“Magnus. Darling.” Catarina stood up and put a hand on his shoulder but he still didn’t look up. “Listen. He’s taken his time; he’s doing it bit by bit and slowly. He’s not exaggerating.”

“It’s shouldn’t be on him. This early. It should be me.”

“Sweet Love.” Alec pulled Magnus in to rest his temple on his neck and his chest on Alec’s chest. “You said it yourself; he’s acting on instinct. He knows how to navigate in the weird mess inside me.”

Magnus nodded slightly, but Alec heard the strained breathing. He was still angry at himself. Alec hated when Magnus blamed himself for everything and anything he wasn’t responsible for. Slowly he rubbed big circles on Magnus’s back and pushed him up a little to prompt him to look up at him.

“You heard Catarina and I felt it; it’s your magic. He’s using what you’ve given him. It _is_ you who is doing it.”

Magnus’s chin shivered a short second before he smiled and stretched his neck to kiss Alec deeply.

Catarina excused herself after they had agreed to wait with Alec’s check-up. The babies were good. Alec needed to be good too, to take care of them, but he could another hour or two. Right now he needed Magnus back to his usual self. Alec laid down and pulled Magnus with him. There wasn’t much room in the bed for one, with the twins taking up room too. He turned to face Magnus and kissed him slowly as he placed their intertwined fingers where their baby-girl seemed to be practicing kickboxing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to mention Sasha1975 who guessed that the boy would help his sister. *standing ovation* 
> 
> Hope you can all relax a little now. Like the boys.


	22. All the questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their whole family are waiting for news, but Alec and Magnus needs to know every last detail themselves first.

A square of light lit up on the bedside table behind Alec. Magnus lifted his head a bit and looked at Alec’s phone lying front down, not making a sound.

“Did you mute your phone?”

Alec stirred as if he’d been sleeping. With the light fingers grazing Magnus’s neck for the last half hour, he knew that Alec had been only relaxing. As if Magnus’s question just registered, Alec quickly turned to his back and picked up his phone, holding it above him so they both could see.

Four calls and two texts from Jace, a text from Izzy and two calls from his mom. All spread all through the night. Magnus felt Alec tense and he quickly pushed himself up on his elbow and cupped Alec’s cheek.

“They know that Catarina or I would have called if something was really wrong.”

Alec’s eyes shifted back and forth between the phone and Magnus. “Something _was_ wrong. Jace is bound to have felt every second of it.”

Magnus smiled and kissed Alec’s forehead. It always hurt Alec more when he made Jace doubt or fear something than it hurt himself. “Alexander. He’s bound to feel that you’re better too. Just read the new text.”

Alec nodded with a smile and pushed himself up against the headboard. Magnus followed and wrapped an arm around Alec’s shoulders.

The new text was the one from Izzy and read: _Alec. Please give us something. Jace says you’re okay now, but he’s been pacing the floor all night. He’s exhausted but won’t rest till he hears from you. I’m worried. If you can, just send a text._

Magnus pushed Alec’s hand and the phone down in his lap, before Alec pressed the call-button. “Not over the phone.”

He pushed himself forward and turned to look straight at Alec. “They deserve better.”

Alec shook his head. “I can’t let them wait. Not any longer.”

Magnus gathered both hands around Alec’s and the phone as Alec halfheartedly tried to pull it away. “Let’s do the exam first. Make absolutely sure everything is alright, so we can answer every question.”

“Magnus. No.” Alec pulled harder on the phone and Magnus let go. “You’re right; they shouldn’t hear it over the phone. Izzy shouldn’t have to tell everyone else. I’ll ask them to come.”

“Alexander. Please.” Magnus moved a bit closer and cupped both Alec’s cheeks. “Let’s do the exam first. Text Izzy that you’re fine and you will explain in a few hours.”

Alec bit his bottom lip and breathed in deep. Magnus was sure he could see how nervous he was that something might be off. Most of the time he tried to hide his worry, to not scare Alec, but right now he didn’t care.

“Okay, Magnus. But you get Catarina in here now.”

Magnus smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss before running out to get her.

* * *

Alec was clearly impatient and didn’t delay the exam with questions. He’d sat still on the edge of the bed and kept quiet with the light shone in his eyes, the poking at his throat and jaw and even read a text from Izzy while Catarina took his blood-pressure. Magnus kept a close eye on everything, especially Catarina’s face, but so far he didn’t see anything to worry about. She even took the time to smile reassuringly at him between tests.

When she approached Alec with the IV-needle for the blood draw, Alec simply pushed the phone further away and gestured for Magnus to sit down next to him. Magnus wrapped his arm around Alec’s back and took his free hand. The draw was done in silence, with Alec hiding his head in the crease of Magnus’s neck.

As soon as Catarina moved back, Magnus hugged Alec and kissed the top of his head. “You’re amazing. You know that, right?”

Alec looked Magnus in the eyes for a second and then kissed him deeply.

“Just stay like that. I’ll just listen to your heart and lungs.” Catarina stood next to Alec and he straightened his back so she had easy access to reach under his loose jumper. He breathed deep a few times when she reached to his back and as soon as she was done he leaned closer into Magnus’s side.

“Your breathing is getting more shallow. It’s nothing to worry about; the babies are taking up a lot of space. We’ll keep an eye on that from now on.”

Magnus didn’t detect any worry on his best friend’s face or voice, so he took the words for the complete truth and when Alec hesitantly looked at him, he smiled and rubbed his shoulder encouragingly.

“Okay, Alec.” Catarina picked up a pair of gloves. “I need you to take off your pants now. Lie on the table for me; on your back.”

Alec sighed deep and his back bent in surrender before he stood up slowly. They both knew this was going to be a part of it. Catarina hadn’t needed to examine Alec there since the first time, but this was different. She wasn’t checking on the babies, she was examining Alec and that meant checking his privates and certainly the passage Magnus had made. Magnus hated to put Alec through that again, but he needed to know that he was okay. Alec needed to know too.

With no words, Alec laid back on the table and Magnus grabbed a sheet to cover him with. He wasn’t sure why, since Catarina would most likely have to see everything in a second, but Magnus couldn’t stand seeing Alec exposed; flushed and embarrassed. Alec smiled softly at him and pulled him closer by his hand.

“Just like the first time, Alec. There should be no pain this time though, since your muscles isn’t strained from vomiting.”

Alec nodded and locked his eyes at the ceiling. Magnus looked at his face, not knowing what to expect, but ready to call him out on any attempt to hide a discomfort. Nothing happened and Alec’s relieved breath when Catarina took her hand out from under the sheet, made Magnus breathe easier too.

“Everything is as it should be.” She dropped her gloves in the trash and walked closer to Alec’s head. “Are you breathing alright like this?”

Alec nodded but Magnus noticed the hesitation and squeezed his hand making him look at him. “Alexander.”

“Alright. I’m managing, but I guess I can move to my side now anyway.” He looked at Catarina and Magnus’s eyes followed only to see her shake her head slowly.

She elevated the table under Alec’s head; only a little but enough that Alec’s lungs seemed to be filling a bit more.

“Catarina?” Alec almost whispered as he locked his hand tight around Magnus’s.

“I would like to get a closer look at the cervix and it will be a lot easier on you with your legs up.”

Magnus felt just as confused as Alec looked. He cleared his throat and covered Alec’s and his joined hands with his free. “Up? Cervix?”

“Yes Magnus.” She put a hand on Alec’s shoulder and smiled softly at him. “Right at the beginning of the passage Magnus made is your cervix. It’s the lowest part of your uterus and the only part I am able to see clearer than with an ultrasound.”

Catarina paused but with Alec’s shake of his head and Magnus just waiting she decided to keep explaining. “I’ll use a speculum to open up your rectum a little so I can see the start of the passage and get the camera directed the right way. It will be easier for both of us if you have your legs up in the stirrups.”

Magnus felt faint, but he swallowed deep and steadied himself; Alec was as white as the sheet covering his lower half and his hand in Magnus’s was suddenly cold and clammy.

Magnus buried a hand in Alec’s hair and leaned in close to make him look at him. “Alexander. You’ll be just fine. Catarina is good at this; she knows you and would never hurt you, remember?”

Alec’s eyes glazed over, but he nodded and controlled his breathing.

Catarina stepped back and folded up the stirrup on her side. Alec gasped and tensed up as she took hold of his ankle and knee. “Just go with this, Alec. I’m not doing anything before you feel safe.”

Alec lifted his leg and Magnus kissed his forehead. When the metal rattled on the other side and Alec’s second leg was moved, Magnus rested his own forehead lightly on Alec’s and whispered. “Nothing bad will happen. I won’t allow it.”

Magnus felt Alec nod under him and he slowly stood up, looking down at the dark brown eyes, seeming even darker framed by his pale skin.

“I’m just moving the lower part of the table, so I can sit between your legs. Nothing happens yet.”

Alec’s chin quivered and the water in his eyes raised as he looked up at Magnus. Not wanting to hear the answer, but knowing that they both needed it, Magnus turned to Catarina. “Will it hurt? How much are you…?” Magnus paused himself as Alec pulled his hand to his busy chest.

Catarina put on gloves as she sat on the chair next to Alec. “I won’t have to open up like that. Don’t worry, Honey. It might feel tight, but at the first sign that it’s too much you tell me, Okay?”

Alec nodded silently and breathed in deep before asking a question himself. “And the camera?”

“It’s small. I won’t go all the way through the cervix since you’re pregnant. Some people find it painful, some don’t at all, but just as always; you let me know and I’ll stop.”

Magnus trusted Catarina completely. He was sure she would be true to her word, as she’d been all along, but with the twins lives on the line, he wasn’t sure Alec would say stop even if it was more than he could handle.

“Is it even safe?” Magnus had to ask, even well knowing that it would scare Alec more on top of the fear of reliving the pain.

Catarina looked overbearingly at Magnus. “Darling. You know I would never risk Alec or the twins. Even if it hurts, it’s not dangerous.”

Magnus bit his lip, suddenly sorry for asking, but Catarina didn’t look as if she mind answering every ridiculous question. She looked at Alec again, and it seemed as if she would have touched his arm or shoulder, had she not already put on cloves. “Alec, Dear. I know from the ultrasounds that your cervix isn’t shortened as in a normal pregnancy. It’s most likely because of your pelvis holding the babies up. It doesn’t mean anything, except that it’s possible for me to check the first part of the cervix without risking anything.”

Alec breathed in deep and swallowed. “Just get it done.” The high pitch to Alec’s voice made Magnus move even closer and massage his scalp a bit firmer under the now messy hair.

Catarina smiled and rolled the chair behind the sheet over Alec’s legs and asked him to move down a bit further. Magnus sat down on a chair to be at eye-level with Alec. He was relieved that Alec chose to turn his head to his side, even if he was looking at their joined hands and not Magnus’s face.

Catarina used her foot to pull over a small cart than Magnus hadn’t seen till now. The speculum looked unnervingly similar to the one Elisapee had used and Magnus fought shaking from the chill running down his spine. The camera was long. Magnus had made Alec’s uterus and cervix and he knew that that thing was way longer than necessary.

“I’ve warmed the lube a bit so it shouldn’t be cold.”

Alec moved their hands a bit higher on his chest and Magnus gave him his undivided attention. Nothing good could come from looking at that stuff anyway.

Metal clinged between Alec’s legs but nothing else happened. “How are you feeling Alec?”

“I’m…” Alec’s voice cracked and he looked at Magnus, then made a small smile. “I’m okay, Catarina.”

“Remember to tell me to stop or if you need a break.”

“I will.”

Catarina moved closer and bit by bit Alec turned his head further to Magnus’s side. Magnus moved his hand from the top of his head, slowly down to cup his cheek. “Alexander. You’re alright. I’m right here.”

Alec nodded with his eyes closed and pressed his cheek deeper into Magnus’s touch.

“Doing good, Alec. It’s in, I’m opening a little now.”

“O-okay.” It didn’t sit well with Magnus, that Alec didn’t seem bothered that his voice was shaking.

Alec’s grip on Magnus’s hand tightened and Alec’s other hand grabbed Magnus’s forearm.

“Does it hurt?” Magnus leaned in, hoping to see Alec open his eyes. “Cintaku, are you okay?”

“It’s… It’s okay, Magnus.” Alec turned his head a bit back, facing Magnus standing over him. He blinked a few times and then closed his eyes as if he was trying to control every part of his body. “I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt. It’s just…”

“I know.” Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec’s hand, not to interfere his concentration by kissing his face. “I know. I’m right here with you.”

“That’s it, Alec. No more.” Catarina didn’t waste any time picking up the nest instrument. “When you’re ready, I’ll move the camera in. It will make a small video I can watch after. Just let me know.”

“Now.” Alec looked up at Magnus. “Just do it, so we can be done.”

Magnus nodded and smiled down at Alec. He needed to get this thing out of him. The birth would be different. Magnus had to believe that. Alec would have so much more to think about than being stretched. Right now it was the only sensation he could think about, and it looked like he was going through hell for the second damn time. Not that the last time had been much easier.

Alec held his breath and his eye sprung open looking directly at Magnus.

“Alexander, breathe.” Magnus rubbed his thumb over Alec’s cheekbone to get some other response than sheer surprise, maybe even shock. “Listen to me. You need to stop if it hurts too much.”

Alec shook his head. A second later he grinded his teeth and pressed the side of his face hard into Magnus’s hand.

“Alec, you’re shaking. Are you okay?” Catarina sounded a bit concerned, but if his legs shook like his hands clinging on to Magnus’s, Magnus wasn’t surprised.

Alec nodded but his answer to Catarina became only a sharp gasp.

“He’s not! Catarina stop.”

“Alec?” Catarina seemed to have paused but it didn’t help Alec’s state.

“I’m calling veto!” Magnus pulled Alec’s hand to his own chest and breathed deeply to calm himself. “Take it out. Take everything out.”

“Of course. It’ll only take a second. Hang in there Alec.” Catarina didn’t sound disappointed or like they had failed. Not that Magnus would care.

“N-no.” Alec sounded close to crying. “Mag… don’t.”

“Shh, shh.” Magnus leaned in close to make sure Alec would see him as the first thing when he opened his eyes. “Alexander. It’s alright.”

Alec slowly relaxed his body and the clicking from the lower part of the table coming back filled the room. Carefully and with no words, she lifted Alec’s legs down and removed the stirrups. Alec blinked his eyes open and looked sadder than Magnus had predicted from his voice.

“Cariño, it’s okay. I’m not letting you go through that when it’s not necessary.”

“But it is.” Alec looked around the room for Catarina, but she walked up to the bed in the same second.

“Alec Dear. You promised to let me know if it hurt.”

“We need to know. It’s not important if it hurts.” Alec looked from one to the other and Magnus wasn’t sure who of them he blamed most in the betrayal Alec was bound to feel.

Catarina put a pillow behind Alec’s neck and put a hand on his shoulder. “I got everything I needed. Could I have gone in further if you felt nothing? Sure. But not like that, and I can definitely make sure you’re alright with the video we got.”

Alec didn’t seem to believe her, so Magnus took it upon himself to move the conversation along. “When will you know?”

She looked at Alec with a smile. “Get dressed, get something to drink. I’ll take a look now; I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

* * *

The results had been clear, the rush on the blood had come through as well and everything checked out on them too.

Alec had texted everyone at home to meet them in the apartment, but he needed to know everything first. As Magnus had said; they needed to be able to answer every question and that meant having none of their own.

“Cat…?” Alec stopped her on the way out of the door. She looked slightly confused that he hadn’t used her whole name when he was clearly calm and collected.

“Yes Dear.”

“I need to… ehm, can I ask…?” Even almost being his normal confident self again, he didn’t know how to start the conversation.

Catarina smiled and pulled a chair up to the bed where Alec was sitting while Magnus tied his shoes. Mostly Alec fought to do it himself, but occasionally he appreciated the gesture that Magnus helped him, without magic.

“What is it, Alec?”

Magnus came up to sit next to him and placed his hand light on top of Alec’s. It was like it was the only thing he needed to continue.

“You said that she’s not healed all the way, but you have medicine that can do it?”

“There is a medicine, normally given when the risk of a premature birth is present. It boost the development of the babies’ lungs.”

Alec looked quickly at Magnus and found his calm demeanor to relax him too. They both looked back at Catarina as soon as she started talking again.

“Your boy is healing her, but slowly. If she’s not ready we can use it. I might have suggested it anyway, since it’s twins and your male pelvis doesn’t leave much room for them.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand in both of his and rubbed his thumb over the back of it. “When would this be happening…? Is it safe for the boy?”

“Yes, Magnus. It’s safe. He might benefit from it too if they come a little early.”

Alec felt his lungs fill quicker than before and his shoulders drop. She rolled her chair a bit closer and looked at Alec. “You will need two injections in you buttocks or thigh with 24 hours between them. If you decide to do it, we’ll do it around week 33 or 34 depending on how the pregnancy progresses. It should be done between a week and 24 hours before birth.”

Alec looked at Magnus and nodded. “I think we should do it.”

To his surprise, Magnus didn’t have more questions and didn’t need to discuss it further either. “I think it’s a good idea too, if you feel okay with it.”

Alec leaned in to a small hug and a short kiss before he looked back at Catarina. “Is there anything else we need to do, anything we _can_ do?”

Catarina lowered her eyes to her hands in her lap and breathed slowly as she was deciding, before she looked up and gave Alec a hesitant smile.

“What?” Alec suddenly felt uneasy.

“Well, I would have waited till the 28-week check-up to consider if you needed it, but it wouldn’t hurt to start now, and since you ask…”

She straightened her back as if she needed help to look confident. Alec had never seen her like this. There was a hint of it the first time she told him that she needed to touch his privates, but this was more.

“Catarina.” Magnus spoke demanding but sounded like he tried not to scare Alec. “What are you thinking of? You’re freaking both of us out.”

Catarina nodded decisive and looked at both of them. “I’m only saying this once and then I’ll back off. We’ll only mention it again if you decide it.”

Alec felt Magnus’s eyes land on him, but Alec wasn’t going to look away from Catarina and let her keep the pause for too long.

“Alright.” Catarina looked confident in what she was about to say, but it was clear that she didn’t want to and Alec’s body was getting more and more numb by the second. “Magnus will help with the opening when you’re giving birth, but you will have to do some of it yourself. That’s why Elisapee tested you so much.”

Alec knew all that. He was never going to forget that, but Elisapee had told him that he was okay to give birth. He shook his head at Catarina as for her to keep going.

“I know she told you that you were able to do it, but it seemed as if you’ve fought it ever since. I’m not sure you’re able to stretch that much anymore.”

Alec was quickly pulled against Magnus’s side and as the conversations direction caught up with him, he appreciated the arms around him. Magnus kissed his temple and whispered into his ear. “Never again, Sweetie.”

He turned to Catarina and spoke louder. “What are you proposing? We’re not testing him again.”

Often when Magnus was being protective it was a bit annoying, maybe it was actually cute. Sometimes it was extremely hot. Right now it was exactly as it should be; as Alec was sure Magnus always meant it. Reassuring. Warm. Safe.

Catarina shook her head and looked at Alec. “No, honey. We’re not.” After a quick smile at Magnus she quickly continued. “Even if everything is as back then, it would still be a good idea to prepare. I don’t want to interfere with your sex-life, but it cloud be the best way to make you more comfortable with the sensation.”

Alec sat as frozen as Magnus’s arms was around him. He didn’t want to talk and thankfully he didn’t had to.

“Alec. Magnus. I don’t know if you’ve ever used toys, but it might help if you got a few.”

The silence spread in the room and after a moment, lasting a bit too long, Catarina excused herself and reminded them that she would never bring up their sex-life again.

“Alexander?” Magnus rubbed Alec’s back and turned his head with a light finger in his chin. “Let’s talk about that another day. We have good news to share.”

* * *

Their apartment seemed incredibly small with all the people. It only made it feel more crowded that everyone was standing, or maybe it was that everyone was silent.

Alec felt Magnus’s hand in his and he turned his head to look into the deep-warm brown eyes looking back with a soft smile. It was like he only just remembered that he and Magnus had nothing to be nervous about. Even though everyone else was breathing shakingly and holding hands.

“Mom.” Alec let go of Magnus and crossed the room to hug his mom tight. Luke took a step back to give room but didn’t leave Maryse out of reach.

She hugged him back but soon pushed him back and looked him in the eyes. “Alec, what’s going on?” She looked at his belly quickly and then back up at him. “Are you okay?”

Alec nodded and swallowed as he blinked a way the burning in his eyes. “Yes, mom. I’m great. Our baby girl is getting better.”

Saying it out loud still only felt like it was him convincing himself of a dream.

“Alec?”

Alec turned to look at his brother. Jace was dark around his tired eyes and with Clary pressed tight against his side, it looked like she was the only thing keeping him from falling over.

“It’s right Jace. You know there’s hope now, right? Real hope.”

Everyone looked at Jace as Alec just waited for him to realize that there was no lies on Alec’s face. Then Jace tightened his arm more around Clary and she wrapped both hers around his waist. If Alec didn’t know better it would look like she was trying to protect him from Alec.

“I know Alec, but…” He shook his head. “What the hell happened last night?”

The last thing Alec wanted, was to tell everyone how he’d not only doubted Magnus, but freaked out scared of what he’d done.

Magnus put a hand on Alec’s shoulder and passed him to take Maryse’s hand. “Sit, please.” He slowly pulled Maryse to the couch and sat down next to her. Luke hesitantly sat on the armrest next to her. With a throw of a hand Magnus pushed all four chairs from the table, for the two young couples to sit on.

Alec noticed how controlled Izzy sat down on the chair and how Simon pulled his close to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. For the first time Alec took his time and studies his sister’s face and realized that she’s been crying. Jace didn’t sit down and Clary stayed by his side.

Magnus gestured for Alec to sit, but he couldn’t. Not with Jace like this. He and Alec shared a short sigh and then he looked at Maryse. “I thought Alec was dreaming…”

“No.” Alec shook his head at Magnus. “Magnus, it’s alright.”

He should say it, and he should say it now, quickly, before Jace passed out of exhaustion and Izzy started crying again. Magnus smiled and nodded encouragingly at him. Alec put a hand on Jace’s shoulder and nodded with a smile, but walked passed him and Clary and kneeled down in front of Izzy. He took her hand and looked up at her eyes. She didn’t have the bond with him, but she deserved just as much proof that Jace did, that he was telling the truth.

“I thought Magnus was using magic on me. I was wrong and if I had stopped to think I would have known, but I freaked out.” He wanted so bad to kneel in front of Magnus and say that, but right now he didn’t take his eyes of his sister. “It felt like Magnus had healed my hand and I got an x-ray.”

Izzy’s hand in his tightened more as he explained everything. Once in a while she nodded slightly, confirming to him that she was following and that she trusted what he was saying.

“So, let me guess.” Simon spoke louder than any of them had done so far. “None of them inherited the vampire gene?”

Izzy sighed with an overbearingly smile and Alec broke eye-contact with a laugh. He’d never thought he’d experience it, but with Simon taking this long to find his place in all of this, Alec had come to miss his often unfortunate comic relief. The last 24 hours had been a dream and he’d felt lighter and hopeful, but only now did he remember what it felt like to spontaneously laugh.

“No, Simon.” Alec stood up and patted Simon’s shoulder and gave him a big thankful smile. “I’m sorry to say, you might be family but genetics doesn’t work like that. Your blood doesn’t run in my veins.”

“Might as well be the same; I’ve heard it runs a bit cold.”

Alec and Izzy shared another smile before he cupped her cheek. “Iz. I’m okay.”

“I know. I could see that on you, mostly on Magnus, when you came in here. You just scared us.”

Alec nodded and breathed deeply as he waked to stand in front of Jace. He took his shoulder and Clary smiled at him. She hadn’t been crying before, she’d probably used most of the night making sure Jace wasn’t traveling to Idris to track Alec down. Now her eyes were red and a tear pressed on the corner in both. Alec took her hand from Jace’s and smiled at her as he squeezed it. She nodded and unwrapped her other arm from around Jace’s back. When she took her hand from Alec too, Alec grabbed Jace’s other shoulder too.

“Jace.” Alec looked straight into flooding eyes. “Jace. You heard all of it, right?”

Jace bit his lip and nodded, swallowing deep.

“Jace. I’m sorry, I scared you.”

Jace’s shoulders loosened a bit under Alec’s hands and Alec promptly pulled him in for a hug. Jace wrapped his arms around Alec’s back tight and for a moment, Alec just enjoyed having his parabatai back. Not only to talk to or back in sight, but to feel normal. Alec had never been a big hugger but in this pregnancy, up until Jace stayed with them two months ago, only Magnus hugged Alec tight as if he wasn’t scared of hurting the babies. Jace had learned that there was nothing to fear then and he wasn’t scared of hurting them now either.

After a while Jace nodded and they let each other go. Alec nodded at the chair and Jace sat down, Clary too. Alec sat on the armrest next to Magnus, where he could see everyone. “The DNA showed that they both have some angel-blood, but we don’t know what that means yet.”

He took Magnus’s hand in his and smiled at him. “The boy has Magnus’s magic, but we don’t know about the girl. She might have it too.”

Silence spread through the room and Alec breathed calmly that he hadn’t caused a panic by leaving something out or making it all to difficult to comprehend. Maybe the silent tears and the empty faces was just that; that it was too much to comprehend. It had been for him and Magnus.

“Any questions?” Simon scared both Clary and Jace by the sudden loud question behind them. Everyone slowly shook there heads and Simon stood up. “No…? Great, then I’m calling the next hug. Join in or wait your turn.”

Alec only just saw Jace and Clary share a smile, before he was pulled to his feet and hugged. He always forgot how strong Simon was. Clary joined in and, not able to reach all the way around she placed a firm hand on the middle of Alec’s back. “I’m so happy for you. Alec, it’s amazing.”

They both gave room for Izzy. She pressed her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his upper back. She looked up with a huge smile, clearly touched, but no tears in her eyes. “I knew it couldn’t end like that. Just don’t ever stop communicating like that again.” She failed miserably in looking stern, but there was no doubt that she meant every word. “You have to let someone tell us what’s going on.”

Alec just nodded, not able to do anything but press his lips tight together and swallow so the smile wouldn’t let through a sniffle.

“Alec?” Maryse cupped his face with two hands and Izzy turned in to the embrace of Clary’s arms. “Alec. Do you know for sure that she’ll be fine…? That _you_ won’t be hurt from it?”

He shook his head, but couldn’t stop smiling. He didn’t know. Catarina had promised nothing. Maybe it was the boy making him believe it or maybe it was because he didn’t want to doubt Magnus, or his magic, ever again, but every cell in his body was convinced that this was just what they had been waiting for. Looking at Magnus he was sure he felt the same way.

“Mom. She’s getting better and I’m fine. Catarina made sure. She’ll be back in a week and a half to check on them _and_ me.”

Maryse looked down and put her hands on Alec’s belly. “You know I trust Magnus with your life, but…”

“Mom.” Alec held her upper arms lightly and waited for her to look up, but she didn’t. “It’s my baby, he would never hurt me. You know that.”

Slowly, nodded and after a deep swallow she looked up with tears in her eyes but a smile on her face. “You’re right. He won’t.”

She hugged Alec tight and reached an arm out for Magnus to join them.

Rather quickly after that, Magnus conjured up food and drinks for everyone. Everyone sat down around the living room. It was a beautiful and warm day, with just the right amount of wind to make the sun feel good on the skin, but everyone stayed inside. Alec had sat on the couch and Magnus sat on the floor, leaning against the couch next to Alec’s legs. None of the others were much further away. Alec couldn’t see Magnus’s face, but from the snicker on Simon’s, he gathered that he was still not comfortable with the sweet taste of the alcohol-free drink. Even after almost seven months and all the time trying, Magnus had kept to his promise that he wouldn’t drink as long as Alec couldn’t. Alec was amazed that he’d stuck to it for this long, but by now he was sure that even being a warlock, he would get hit just as hard by the first drink after this as Alec would be. Maybe they should just never have one again, but that might be too much to ask of Magnus.

* * *

Maryse and Luke had left after a few hours. It was getting late and Magnus was surprised that everyone hadn’t dropped to the floor by now. He was ready to; and he clearly wasn’t half as tired a Jace, or Alec. Izzy and Jace had flat out refused to leave till they had seen Alec was good the day after too. Simon and Clary had stuck by them and by default, they were staying too. They had all asked for Jace to take the guest bed with Clary, but stubborn as always, and possibly still shook from last night, he’d sat on the couch and refused to leave the room.

Simon had asked that Izzy and Clary took the bed and sat down in the recliner. Magnus smiled at Alec, who was already standing in the doorway to their bedroom. He took Alec’s hand and kissed his cheek before turning to magically make two piles of blankets and pillows on the coffee table. He chuckled at Simon’s stoic face and snapped his fingers, making the chair he was sitting on fold all the way back. Simon yelped and grabbed the armrests as his feet was lifted too.

They all laughed shortly and Jace threw a pillow at him before he took one for himself and placed it on the armrest of the couch.

Alec pushed Magnus into the bedroom and turned back to the other guys. “Go to sleep or Magnus will fix that too.”

Magnus had treasured the light tone to Alec’s voice for hours now and wasn’t ready for it to stop, but Alec needed sleep, they all did.

Under the cowers, Alec took Magnus’s hand and placed it on his belly, like so many times before. Magnus took time to remember the times before they found out their girl might not make it. It had been so hard to remember, but now he remembered every time clearly. The kicks, the rolls, and the small bumps he’d felt when only he and the kids were awake and Alec often didn’t react. It was different now though; it wasn’t only their babies. It was _their_ babies. They knew they had made them and no one else was involved and he wasn’t sure what he had expected, but to have proof that they had DNA from both him and Alec, was just… he wasn’t sure what that was. He rubbed his thumb in a small circle on where Alec always told him the boy was. Not only was his DNA in there; his magic was too.

“Magnus?” Alec whispered and Magnus lifted his eyes to look at that beautiful calm smile he’d missed for months. “Magnus, are you okay?”

“Not okay; wonderful.”

Alec stretched his neck and they shared a soft kiss.

“Me too.” Alec looked down and placed his hand on top of Magnus’s.

Magnus was sure Alec was grateful and just as ecstatic about the days news as himself, but his voice was too silent or maybe hesitant for him only to feel happy.

“What is it Alexander?”

Alec shook his head and almost chuckled that he was busted. “You see everything, don’t you?”

“It’s my job. I’m sure it was in the wedding vows somewhere.”

“Oh are you now?” A small laugh followed the question.

“Yeah, or it should have been. You know; _I will share with you my truest feelings, and when you speak, I will listen… and if you don’t speak I will call you out on it._”

With a huff, Alec rolled his eyes. “So that’s the line that was missing.”

With a huge smile, Magnus lifted Alec’s hand from his belly and kissed. He breathed deep and slow to get back to the conversation that never got started. He let Alec’s hand go on the mattress between them and graced his fingers over his chin.

“Alexander. C’mon, what are you thinking about?”

Alec sighed deeply and forced a small smile before looking down. “It’s what Catarina said about the birth, that I might not be able to.” He looked up at Magnus, looking almost nervous as to what he’d say.

Magnus had seen this conversation happen down the line, but not now, with the apartment full of guests. “Is it about the toys she mentioned?”

Alec nodded and as he pulled his hand under his pillow, he suddenly looked smaller. Only one time had they agreed that they would try one, but it hadn’t done anything for either of them, and Magnus had almost forgot that they still had the dildo in the drawer.

Magnus let his hand slide up over Alec’s jawline and into his hair. “I don’t think we should dismiss the idea completely, but we don’t have to think about that right now. Let’s give it a day or two to let everything else settle down first.”

Alec shortly bit his lip. “I can’t do that. It will be the same all over again.”

“Cariño. Look at me.” Magnus waited till Alec met his eyes and then gave him a soft smile. “It’s not the same. We’ll be right here; only the two of us. It’ll be good.”

“I’m not sure.” Alec pulled up his shoulders and Magnus calmly moved the cover all the way to his ears and tugged it close around him. Alec smiled as thanks, but looked just as serious. “We tried, remember? It wasn’t anything special. We’ve always just wanted each other.”

If Magnus wasn’t completely sure that Simon was sleeping, he would have put a spell on him and his vampire ears this second.

“I know, and I get that you’re scared that without the passion… and everything else we feel, it will be like that medical stuff, but I promise that it won’t.” He moved closer and kissed Alec’s lips softly. “I’ll make it good.” He kissed him again. “Not good; perfect. Okay?”

Alec sighed and the overbearing smile he gave almost had Magnus let out a chuckle.

“Promise me that you’ll at least give it some thought.”

“Sure.” Alec kissed Magnus’s forehead and pulled him close into a hug. “I’ll think about it, but not with the house full of people.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took some time to get up. I'm so happy that I have this hobby to dive into whenever I have energy to. I think I wrote in a note before that I was considering a life change. A week ago I gave notice at work and will be moving back to Denmark during this summer. I'm glad that I made a choice and took a stand (there's only so much a person can take) but I really like most parts of my job so it sucks. Luckily I have lots of people who are happy I'm coming home. 
> 
> That aside: I'm thinking about this story all the time and have the rest more or less planned out. I can't wait to write it and for you to know the names and everything else about the kids and birth.


	23. Walking on air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After telling everyone the good news Magnus and Alec turns back to everyday life. On top of work they now both have the desire and energy for getting everything ready for the arrival of the twins. (That makes for a lot of domestic Malec scenes.)   
Also: Since time is moving fast, they have to seriously consider Catarina's suggestion to make sure Alec can handle the birth.

Everything was somehow lighter. Not just that Alec saw things in a brighter, and somehow still softer, light than before, but everything weighed less. His head when he lifted it from the pillow in the mornings, his feet as he walked through Alicante to work, his pen at his desk. Even the twins seemed to take op less room even though he’d seen Magnus, trying to secretly, enhance the waist of Alec’s pants a few times this week.

Alec got more work done in less time and wasn’t half as tired as he used to be. If he hadn’t felt it on his own body, he might have stopped Magnus from working even harder than him, but Magnus looked good too. The glow on his skin and the warmth in his brown eyes was back, and the makeup and colored hair was different each day. Magnus came home each day before Alec and as they ate dinner, he told Alec about all the things he’d seen or some funny or annoying client. Just like he had always done.

After dinner they would normally work getting the apartment next door ready to join to theirs, but today Alec had some files he needed to go over before the weekend and he’d retracted to his office. It was weird how the same papers he’d looked at for over a week ago, suddenly seemed more meaningful. For such a song time, his work had been only a poor distraction for what was going on, but now it was important. What he did every day mattered again. He turned another page and read over the messy written text. Some institutes should be forced to type their reports. Alec shrug his shoulders and leaned back with the thick file; this could take some time.

Glass shattered in the other room and Alec sat up straight. “Magnus?”

It took a bit to long for Magnus to answer and Alec was at the door before he heard something heavy and hard land on the floor and Magnus’s voice muttering something definitely angry.

“Magnus?!”

“I’m okay. I just…” Magnus walked into the living room. His right hand shining light blue magic over his left.

Alec took Magnus’s hands and the magic stopped. Magnus’s left hand was bleeding from a deep cut spreading almost over the entirety of his palm. “What happened?”

“I… ehm…” Magnus looked back into the hallway and then met Alec’s gaze with a smile. “I got a little overboard with decorating. The gust from the magic knocked over a few things.”

Magnus could always control his magic. Alec had seen some inexperienced warlocks make papers fly and small objects move when they opened portals or conjured up bigger things, but not Magnus. Even when he used all the power he had, draining himself completely, his magic would be focused. Alec only remembered a few times when the whole room had shook around them from Magnus’s magic, but it was magic; in life and death situations, and not a gust of uncontrolled wind.

“You were exaggerating yourself by _decorating_?”

Magnus pulled his hand back but Alec held on and he let out a small hiss of pain. He smiled up at Alec again and cupped his cheek with his good hand. “I just lost control for a second. Let me take care of this and I’ll go clean up.”

It wasn’t a difficult wound, but Alec would like to be sure that it at least was clean of glass before Magnus closed it. Magnus clearly wasn’t at his A-game.

“Let me see first.” He pulled a compliant Magnus into the light of the table lamb by the couch and sat him down. It took longer than Alec would have wanted for him to kneel in front of Magnus, but Magnus didn’t say anything and seemed to be just waiting for him to do what he had to. He held Magnus’s hand in both of his and turned the palm towards the light. “There’s still glass in there, Magnus.”

“I know.” Magnus lifted Alec’s face towards him with a fingertip on his chin. “I was removing it.”

Alec smiled at Magnus. “I don’t think you should be using more magic today.”

With a small chuckle, Magnus leaned down and kissed Alec’s cheek. “I’m not tired. I’m great. You know that.”

“That’s too different things, Magnus.” Alec tilted the hand a bit more to get a better look. It seemed as the nail-size piece was the only one still in there. “You can be great and tired at the same time, you know?”

Magnus’s smile was light, just like everything else. “I know I’m not bleeding out here, but can I please get my hand back so I don’t drip on the carpet?”

Alec shook his head and held on a little stronger. “You’re exhausted. You can heal the cut, but I’m taking the glass out and cleaning it first…” Magnus straightened his back as if he wanted to speak but Alec didn’t let him. “…and you’re cleaning up without magic.”

Alec had expected a fight, but Magnus simply relaxed his hand and nodded at him. “Alright, but you’re not helping with that. I want it to be a surprise.”

“What…? The hallway? Did you move our shoes to the other side?”

Magnus only shrug his shoulders and Alec turned his attention back to the hand. It took him awhile to get what he needed. When Alec got pregnant and couldn’t heal with magic, Magnus had stocked the apartment with multiple first-aid kits, but as the months went by and all Alec had needed was an x-ray and a cast, the boxes had been moved around and half forgotten. As Alec found one with both tweezers and antiseptic, he made a mental note to always have one fully stocked in the nursery or bathroom.

Magnus had moved the lamp to the coffee table, so Alec could see when he sat next to him in the couch. The glass was half out by Magnus’s magic and Alec got it easily. He poured disinfectant over a cotton swab and waited for Magnus to nod before placing in down on the wound. Magnus hissed and instinctively pulled his hand, but Alec held it tight and moved the swab over the wound again.

“I know. Just a sec.”

Magnus panted for air when Alec dropped the now pink swab on the lid of the first-aid box. He cupped Magnus’s cheek and smiled as he watched him slowly calm down. “You should be happy I was able to find that, otherwise your hand would smell of bourbon right now.”

An airy laugh escaped Magnus’s lungs. “I’m sure the bar is feeling neglected anyway. Although; in our selection, the gin would do a better job.”

“It smells better too.” Alec tried to remember that he used to like the stuff, but was glad that after forcing half a bottle of it up again, it was difficult and he was happy that he didn’t have to give it a single thought more before after the birth.

He loosened his hold on Magnus’s hand and let him lift it an inch from Alec’s hand. The blue swirls of air moved slowly. Magnus was clearly concentrating more than usual. The wound closed slowly and when the pink line where it had been faded the magic did too. Alec promptly took Magnus’s hand again and held it carefully in both of his. He slid his thumb like a feather over the invisible line and kissed it softly. Magnus’s other hand brushed through Alec’s hair and as he looked up at Magnus, their lips met shortly.

“No more magic until your next client on Monday.” Alec smiled as he watched Magnus give in with a deep sigh.

“Can I clean up the mess in there?” Magnus looked quickly to the hallway.

With a soft but firm hand, Alec cupped Magnus’s cheek. “No. Magnus, you’re exhausted. You’ve been working overtime, all over the world for days and then coming back to move around walls next door. You have changed the layout and colors of that space multiple times a day.”

Alec leaned in to make sure Magnus was looking him in the eyes. “You’re exhausting your magic, and if you don’t settle on a color scheme soon, I’ll make the decision.”

Magnus’s smile widened. “I better get my act in order then.”

“You better.” Alec stood up and reached for Magnus’s hand. “Are you coming to bed? We can clean that tomorrow.”

After a small peck on the cheek, Magnus shook his head and turned Alec towards the kitchen. “Make us some tea. I’ll go clean it now. I want you to see it today.”

Alec looked back over his shoulder, but Magnus was already on his way out the door. He sighed and shook his head with an overbearing smile as he walked to put on the water. It wasn’t clear what tea Magnus had meant, but Alec didn’t hesitate. He’d learned to make a few of Magnus’s special ones by now. Luckily, he hadn’t needed the one for nausea for a long time. He found everything he needed for the one Magnus had given him every time he couldn’t or wouldn’t sleep. Magnus might not think he needed it, but Alec had to pull the plug on him somehow.

As the tea brewed over the stove, Alec leaned his back against the table and put his hands on his belly. It was almost annoying how quiet they were at daytime. They moved almost every hour, but the big tumbles lasting for minutes, was only at night, when Alec wanted nothing but sleep. If the two of them were going to be as energetic excitable and energetic as Magnus, Alec would need a vacation after every day at home. He already knew that at least one of them was as powerful as Magnus, if not more. He sighed loudly and almost jumped when Magnus’s hand covered one of his.

“Didn’t mean to scare you.” Magnus kissed his cheek quickly and then looked at the teapot, making a point out of smelling the air. “You think I’ll have trouble sleeping?”

“I’m pretty sure, yes. You’ve been rolling around in bed for hours the past week.”

Magnus stood straight in front of Alec and laced their fingers still on his belly. “You don’t think something’s wrong, do you. You shouldn’t worry about me. Everything is good.”

Alec chuckled. “I don’t.” He cupped Magnus’s cheek and kissed his nose. “Sweet, Magnus. I can see that nothing is wrong. You just want to do everything now; you’re planning and working overtime, doing everything over and over again. You’re just stressed.”

“I just want it to be ready.”

“No.” Alec smiled and waited for Magnus to do to. “You want it to be _perfect_.”

Magnus sighed and let his eyes drop for a second before he placed his other hand on Alec’s belly too. For a second they just looked at their hands cradling their babies. “Shouldn’t it be perfect?”

“It will be.” Alec stood free of the table and held Magnus’s head with both hands, gracing a thumb over his cheek. “It _is_. This, us. All four of us. It’s perfect. Everything else will be too.”

Magnus smiled and nodded in Alec’s hold. Then he stepped back and took the tea of the heat. “C’mon.” He pulled Alec by the hand to the hallway.

The hallway was twice as big as a few hours ago. They had talked about joining the apartments and it made sense it would be there but with all the moving around, Alec had never been completely sure of Magnus’s plans. Magnus walked up to one of two doors on the new wall and opened it. “It’s not furnished yet.”

Alec slowly followed Magnus into the large room. The sunrise over the lake and forest, painted on the end wall drew his eyes first. It was beautiful, and somehow there was something about it that felt more that right. Alec’s eyes rose to the ceiling where the light blue sky color continued. It don’t make sense how a feeling and a color could be the same, but it was just the right amount of light that he’d been feeling for over a week.

“Alexander?”

For a second Alec had forgotten that Magnus was there and most likely waiting eagerly for a reaction. He felt his eyes burn for a second but blinked it away and turned to Magnus.

“It’s perfect.” Alec controlled his breathing carefully not to let his voice crack. “I told you so. It’s beautiful Magnus.”

Magnus had clearly seen Alec struggling, but didn’t address it. “I thought we should pick everything else out together. Even if it might take more energy out of both of us to agree.”

Alec nodded and looked over the room that was just a little bigger than their bedroom. Their kids would have room for a lot of stuff, but the new apartment was over half the size of theirs, so there was still more room to spare.

“I’ll love every minute of it.” Alec lifted Magnus’s face with a gentle hand on his chin and kissed him deep. “Thank you. I love it.”

Magnus stepped back and took Alec’s hand and with a playful smile he walked them out of the room. Alec wasn’t sure he was ready to leave but back in the hall way, he noticed that there was a new door on the side of the that had always been a part of their apartment.

Alec looked at it and shook his head, not quite following. Magnus smiled as he opened it and stood back. It went into a new and rather big nook in their bedroom.

“Wait.” Alec stopped mid-doorway. “This is your closet?”

“It was.” Magnus walked up behind Alec and Alec felt his slightly shaky breath on his neck.

Alec smiled at the realization that Magnus was nervous. Having a door just opposite from the nursery was something he’d never thought about, but now it was clear why Magnus had moved around walls again today. Where Alec stood, only a few feet from their bed, he could see out the door and into the nursery. He swallowed and looked down to make time to figure out how to react. The floor was marked with two big squares up against one wall. Alec frowned and looked to Magnus for an explanation.

“I think they should sleep in here with us the first months. I didn’t want to pick the cribs without you.”

Alec’s eyes burned again and he tried to blink it away, but this time the tears were already building. He truly was the luckiest man alive. Not only was he able to have kids with the man he loved more than anyone else, he also knew that Magnus felt just like he did. It would be too far away to have them in the next room at night, even with both doors open. Alec sniffled and wrapped his arms around his belly. How would he ever be able to not touch them?

“Alexander? What is it?” Magnus asked silently and put a careful hand on his upper arm.

Alec turned around, not caring about the tears rolling over his cheeks. “I love you.”

Magnus smiled and pulled Alec into a soft hug. “I love you too.”

“I…” Alec gave up talking and pressed his face into Magnus’s shoulder.

Magnus rubbed his hand on Alec’s back and buried the other in his hair. “Shh. It’s alright. You’re allowed, remember?”

Alec nodded and breathed in deep before he stood straight up again. Silently sniffling, he let Magnus wipe away his tears. “How about we go to be now?”

Alec agreed and sat down on the bed and Magnus went to get the tea. Alec was sure that he needed the tea just as much as Magnus now; without it, he didn’t think he could take his eyes of the place where their babies would be sleeping in only a few months.

* * *

Magnus didn’t want to open his eyes. He didn’t even want to move a finger. It was the first day in over a week where he didn’t have any clients and Alec had taken the day off too. It was just the two of them for two days and for once he didn’t feel like he was in a hurry to get started on anything. They had a lot to do, and with Alec’s ban on magic, they would be spending hours in the nursery and the adjoining rooms, but it could wait. At least it could wait till they were both awake and ready.

He breathed in deep to turn silently, not to disturb Alec in his sleep, but when he laid eyes on the other part of the bed, it was empty.

“Alexander?” Magnus lifted his head and looked at the bathroom door. It was half open but the light wasn’t on. He cleared his throat as he sat up quickly. “Alexander?! Where are…”

“Wait there.” Alec’s voice streamed in from the living room and Magnus’s eyes focused on the soft beam of light squeezing through the almost closed door.

“Are you okay? Alexander, what are you doing?”

“Hang on.” Alec’s voice was louder and seconds later he pushed the door open and carried in a tray.

Magnus swung his legs to the floor to go help, but Alec, just calmly put the tray on the middle of the bed and walked to Magnus’s side. He lifted Magnus’s legs up again and covered them with the golden silk duvet.

Still struggling a bit with his sleepy eyes and weary muscles, Magnus got himself seated against the headboard. “What are you doing?”

Alec sat down on the edge of the mattress and reached over Magnus to take the glass of iced tea for him. “You’ve been working hard, taking care of everything… of me.” Alec smiled softly as he relaxed his hand on Magnus’s thigh. “The aromatherapy, the teas, the foot-rubs. All on top of your work. I’m a mess most of the times too and can’t even thank you properly.”

“Hey.” Magnus put the glass on the nightstand and took Alec’s hand. “You don’t have to thank me for anything and you know I love doing all of that, right?”

Alec nodded. “I know. I just feel good today and you’re exhausted, so please let me take care of you for once.”

Magnus pulled Alec’s hand a little and they both leaned in to a soft and short kiss. Magnus wasn’t used to being taken care of like this, just the thought that Alec had been up before him was strange. That never happened unless he got an emergency call. Even with the babies keeping Alec awake, he never left the bed before Magnus was awake.

Alec sat up on his own side of the bed and pulled the tray closer between them. Over the last years, Alec had perfected the waffles and it was his go to dish. Magnus loved when Alec cooked, even when it didn’t turned out great he loved the effort and the gesture. Today was more than that. Maybe it was because Magnus had focused everything on making Alec feel good and comfortable for so long and now he found himself at the receiving end of that, or maybe it was just Alec’s exceptionally good mood. It had been a good week for both of them, but today Alec seemed even more relaxed. Magnus couldn’t take his eyes of Alec. The food was good and he was actually really hungry, but all he could think about was to kiss his husband and hold him tight the whole day.

“Magnus.” Alec’s voice almost cracked over in a laugh. Pulled out of his thoughts, Magnus looked up at him.

Alec smiled wide and looked at the piece of waffle on Magnus’s fork. “Eat.”

Magnus looked down and realized that he’d been holding the same piece for a while. He silently chuckled and continued his breakfast.

“What’s the plan for today?” Magnus spoke in-between bites of waffles and berries. “You banned magic, so we can’t get any furniture here.”

“You have like two hundred magazines with pictures of everything we might need.” Alec shook his head and place his empty plate on the tray before he turned towards Magnus. “And definitely lots of things we _don’t_ need.”

He put a heavy hand on Magnus’s neck and looked him in the eyes. “Let’s use the day to pick out everything, but I’m massaging your neck and back first.”

Magnus frowned and shook his head. “You don’t have to do that, Alexander. I…”

“I do.” Alec took Magnus’s fork from him and with a huge smile he picked up the last piece of waffle and fed it to him.

Slightly baffled, Magnus ate the food as he observed Alec closely.

“Magnus. You’re tense. Let _me_ make _you_ feel good. Then you can go back to being all powerful and protective later.”

Magnus laughed and took Alec’s hand from his neck in both of his. He kissed the back of his hand and then leaned over to kiss Alec’s soft smiling lips.

“Okay. Thank you.”

* * *

Alec had insisted that Magnus stayed in bed while he cleaned the tray away and when he came back and sat on the side of the bed, he’d made him lie on the front with his arms down by his side. Alec knew what he was doing. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to loosen up Magnus’s back after a stressed week, but Magnus hadn’t felt stressed. Busy, but not stressed. Still, when Alec’s thumbs firmly spread the oil down on either side of his spine, he felt every sore spot clearly and heaved in air rapidly.

“Tell me if it hurts, Magnus. You should be able to relax.”

Magnus let out the air slowly and smiled, hoping that Alec could see it clearly with his face turned to the side on the mattress. “It doesn’t hurt. I’m just more tensed than I thought.”

Alec leaned in close and a warm kiss was placed on Magnus’s shoulder, prompting him to breathe in deeply and close his eyes.

Alec’s hands moved slowly over the broad of Magnus’s back, spreading the warm oil over his skin. The pressure into his sore muscles was just right, like only Alec could do it. Magnus was no stranger to massages, but it was always better with Alec. He always found the right places, the right pressure, and the right pace for it to be just perfect and never too much.

“You sleeping?” Alec almost whispered as he moved his hands to the lower back.

Magnus hummed approvingly to the choice of the new sore spot under pressure. He breathed in deeper and slower as Alec focused on both sides of the narrow of his back. If he didn’t know better he would swear that the heat rising up though his back was pure magic. Alec’s big palms followed the path up the broad of his back and ended on his shoulders, his thumbs at the base of the neck. Magnus moved his arms up next to his head, to make it easier to breathe with Alec pressing him into the mattress. Alec didn’t comment on the movement and he didn’t take a break either.

As Alec’s fingers his an especially sore spot, Magnus’s shoulders and neck involuntarily tensed up and Magnus held his breath. Simply loosening the touch a little, Alec leaned in and kissed the top of Magnus’s neck. As Magnus relished in the warm breath touching his skin, he relaxed slowly again. Alec kissed Magnus’s cheek and then his shoulder, before slowly moving his thumb in circles on the sore place. No real pressure, just movement and warmth. Alec’s other hand rubbed big circles over Magnus’s entire back, keeping him warm.

Magnus wasn’t sure of he’d been sleeping or if he’d just been to relaxed for a moment to notice the warm towel placed over his back and Alec lying down next to him. He opened his eyes slowly and looked into Alec’s eyes. He was on his side, hugging the huge boomerang shaped pillow Magnus had brought home, so he didn’t need five or more pillows to get comfortable.

“Hey.” Alec reached over and graced a finger over Magnus’s cheekbone, letting his hand rest on Magnus’s chin.

“Hey.” Magnus placed his hand on top of Alec’s. “How are you feeling?”

Alec smiled wide. “I’m great. How are you? You’ve been sleeping for almost an hour.”

Magnus shifted his body to take status. He was heavy on the mattress but moved easily. No soreness or tensed muscles. He didn’t even feel it in his neck that he’d been lying on his front for so long. Slowly, he rolled to lie on his side and reached for Alec’s chin too.

“Thanks.”

Alec smiled. “Glad to be able to give back a bit.”

“Oh, Alexander, that was more than _a bit_. Besides…” He reached over the pillow and graced his hand over Alec’s belly. “…you’re already giving me plenty.”

* * *

Magnus flipped a page of the fifth name-book he’d opened in the last half hour. Alec was propped up on pillows in a corner of the empty nursery, looking through magazines. They had been in there together, but after one too many exited suggestions about things they might not had needed, Alec had asked him to make some sandwiches. Without magic it took time to heat them till the cheese was melted probably and Magnus had burned the first ones as he had been deep into reading about name meanings and got stuck on a boy’s name that seemed perfect. He just wasn’t sure Alec would agree on it. It could definitely go both ways.

“Magnus!”

Magnus jumped to his feet and ran to the nursery. Alec was half on his knees, half bent over to land on all four.

“What’s wrong?!” Magnus dropped to his knees neck to him, taking his shoulder firmly. Alec shook his head and drew in a sharp breath. “Feel it.”

Magnus paused, not sure what was going on, but didn’t have time to clarify anything before Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus’s shoulders. Gasping and half holding himself up by Magnus, Alec grabbed Magnus’s hand and placed it on his belly. “Feel it.”

The rush of Magnus’s own magic rushing under his hand, without him making it, sent shivers through his whole body. Alec had said that he’d felt the boy healing his sister a few times but Magnus had never been there. It was strong. No wonder Alec hadn’t been able to get up or sit still. The feeling faded and Alec’s arm around Magnus’s shoulders loosened. Magnus sat down on his heels and could only just see his hand on Alec’s belly through his tears.

“Magnus, Love.” Alec’s hands lightly cradled Magnus’s face and lifted it to make their eyes meet. “Sweet Love. Say something.”

Magnus couldn’t. He didn’t know what to say if he could either, and he just shook his head. Alec pulled him close for a firm hug. He buried a hand in Magnus’s hair and held his head close to Alec’s. “Okay. Take a minute.”

Slowly, Magnus was able to blink away the tears still stuck in his eyes and he pushed himself back a little to look at Alec. For the first time that day he looked tired. Magnus stood up and got the pillows sorted again and helped Alec sit back comfortably. He sat down in front of Alec and took his hand in both of his.

“Is it like that every time?”

Alec shook his head. “No, this was _way_ more than the other times.”

“Should we call Catarina?” Magnus instantly looked at the time, and tried to remember if she had a weekend shift or not.

“No, Magnus.” Alec cupped Magnus’s cheek and looking in Alec’s eyes, Magnus felt like he was okay to calm down again. “He’s getting stronger, that’s all. We have an appointment the day after tomorrow anyway.”

“You absolutely sure?”

“I am.” Alec smiled and rested back in the pillows. “Anthony is coming tomorrow, I’m sure I need him more. Besides, you felt it. Wasn’t it just as it should be?”

Alec was right. The magic was strong but there was no doubt that it was controlled and focused. “It was. He’s good.”

Magnus felt proud. He’d been proud of people before, mostly Alec, a lot since he got pregnant too, but this was different. A baby, a baby he’d never even seen outside blurry gray pictures and who he didn’t have a name for yet. Still, he’d seldom felt so satisfied by another person’s accomplishments.

“Magnus?” Alec waited for Magnus to give him his full attention. “Are you okay?”

Magnus smiled and gave Alec a quick peck on the forehead. “Better than ever. I think we should talk about names. I might have a suggestion for our son.”

Alec nodded with a huge smile. “I think we should. I might have one for our daughter, but first…” He leaned in close and looked Magnus in the eyes. “I think the food is burning again.”

* * *

Sunday was spent building the white cribs they had picked out. Magnus had begged Alec to portal to Italy to get them and Alec couldn’t hide that he wanted them home now, maybe even more than Magnus. He’d made Magnus promise that they would build them the slow way though. It had soon become a competition for who made their’s first and Alec foresaw that happening quite a few times as they would decorate the nursery with two of mostly everything.

Magnus had refused help with the last two legs, so Alec took a moment to lean against the wall and look over the nook of the bedroom slowly coming together. The cribs were exactly alike, white with little gold angles painted on the arch of the wooden frame. The mattresses inside was covered with light blue and pale pink sheets. Magnus had briefly mentioned painting the kids names on the cribs or maybe on the wall, but as long as they were just thinking about the two names mentioned the day before, they didn’t need to make that choice yet.

They had both wanted to put a stuffed animal in eachcrib, but when they had told the family about the progress they were making, Clary and Izzy had demanded to give them as gifts the next time they came around.

They had planned to hang a shelf over the cribs, for nightwear and a few selected things Magnus wanted to decorate with. Alec had made Magnus wait though, and seeing how much better he looked today, Alec was sure he was going to make Magnus pace himself for a while. As much as Alec wanted to get everything done now too, they weren’t in a hurry. He might even have Luke come over to do some of the stuff like hanging shelfs and making sure everything was perfectly straight.

Magnus raised the second crib and placed it against the wall too. He stepped back against the wall to and wrapped an arm around Alec’s waist.

“It’s so weird to think that in only three months we will have two little ones sleeping in there.”

Alec nodded and swallowed the lump building in his throat. He hugged Magnus to his side and their free hands found each other on top of Alec’s belly.

Magnus looked at the bed and turned them both towards it. Alec _was_ getting a bit tired from sitting on the floor, working the big pieces of the crib around his big middle.

Alec sat down and looked up at Magnus, not succeeding in making him sit too. “When will Anthony be here?”

He really wanted to sleep a bit first. With the pillow, it was a lot easier, even with his lungs not filling completely with air when he laid down. His back was better from it too.

“Three and a half hours.” Magnus put his hand on Alec’s shoulder and nodded as he already knew what Alec was thinking.

“You should get some rest, but Alexander…” He hunched down in front of Alec and took both of his hands, looking at them. “…we haven’t talked much about what Catarina said.”

Alec’s shoulder tightened. He had thought about it a lot. Every day in over a week, and he was sure Magnus knew that. He bit his lip and looked at Magnus as he lifted his gaze to meet his eyes.

“I think we should try. We’ll go slow, I promise.”

Alec squeezed Magnus’s hands, ready to protest but Magnus didn’t give him the chance. “Sayang, I don’t want you to get hurt giving birth…” He sighed deep and bit his lip for a second. “I know some things we can’t help, but this we can prevent.”

The birth was something Alec tried his best not to think about. He knew exactly what he was going to go through and hit mind was beginning to try and convince him that he couldn’t do it. Magnus was right, of course he was; Alec had to prepare and make everything he possibly could easier on himself. He just wasn’t sure if this was one of those things.

“I’m… Magnus I want to try but if…” He stopped as Magnus cupped his cheek with a hand. “Alexander. If you want to stop we’ll stop, you know that.”

Alec nodded and greeted Magnus in the kiss he place on his lips.

“Now, get some rest and I’ll run an errand. It might be good to try when you’re relaxed after Anthony have been here.”

Alec knew Magnus was going to open a portal as soon as he’d closed his eyes, but he thought it was better to just let him and try today before he had time to change his mind too many times.

* * *

“Just keep breathing deep and stay relaxed. Enjoy this.”

Alec hadn’t moved since Anthony took out the needles. He was always half asleep, wrapped around his big pillow, when Anthony left.

It had only been a few moments since the portal closed, before Magnus’s hand graced feather-light down Alec’s spine. The tip of his finger ended on the top of Alec’s crack and Alec took a deep breath. He _could_ enjoy this. The first part anyway. Magnus took hold of the waistband on Alec’s boxer-briefs which was slightly pulled down already. The fabric disappeared and Alec shifted for a second from the slight change.

“No magic, Magnus.” Alec’s voice might have sounded a bit worried from the sudden addition to what they had agreed on, but his first thought had been that Magnus should save the magic for work and important things.

“That was the only time. I just didn’t want you to move, when you’re already this calm and relaxed.”

Alec smiled to himself and hummed as he hugged the pillow a bit closer to his chest. Magnus traced his finger loosely down over Alec’s crack and he felt goosebumps spread over his ass and up the narrow of his back. The same second the familiar smell of Magnus’s lube reached his nose and as he breathed it in deeply, Magnus moved his finger slowly in between his cheeks and graced over his hole. Instinctively, Alec clenched but as Magnus did it two more times, he relaxed and closed his eyes, concentrating on the slow and gentle touch he’d felt so many times before.

Magnus _was_ going slower than usual and Alec loved him for it. He didn’t know what was to come, but he had a pretty good idea and he was nowhere near ready to try anything right now.

The fingertip focused more on Alec’s muscle and the pressure added slowly as Magnus massaged it in small circles. Alec hummed and couldn’t help but push his ass a little closer to Magnus. Slowly, almost timid, Magnus pushed the tip of his finger inside, but pulled back after only a second. Alec breathed deeply as Magnus massaged his ring again. If this had been any other time, it had been torture to go this slow, but right this moment Alec was grateful. Slow enough that it took a second for Alec to realize that something was even happening, Magnus pushed in again.

The finger stopped at the first knuckle. Magnus paused a bit before turning his finger and started to press at the muscle. Slowly he moved all the way round and then pushed in a bit more. Alec shifted and pressed his hips and ass back, to give Magnus better access.

“Are you okay Alexander?” Magnus spoke just louder than a whisper, almost as if he was scared of startling Alec.

Alec nodded and as the finger sunk in deeper he hugged the pillow tighter and pressed half his face harder into where his head rested on it. He let out a deep hum, sure he sounded desperate for more.

“That’s it. Just enjoy it. Think about what’s only in this second.”

A kiss landed on the side of Alec’s ribs and more followed in a line down and back to his ass-cheek. He bit his lip as chills spread over his warm body. Magnus graced his finger slowly and almost careful over Alec’s prostate. The light touch sent a hint of electricity through his stomach, but it ended too soon and Alec for a second doubted that it even happened. When it happened again, Alec was focused on it and was able to relish in the subtle wave of pleasure. He hummed deeply and licked his lips as his mouth felt suddenly dry.

Magnus pulled his finger back but stopped before it was out and a second finger graced around Alec’s opening. The anticipation of a second finger breaching him, was heaven sent and with the new wave of the sent of the lube, Alec breathed deep and, completely relaxed, he let Magnus’s second finger join and stretch him a little more.

It was nothing compared to what they had done before. Magnus was the gentle one and always took his time, making sure Alec was completely alright, but normally he would have been op top of Alec by now. Alec tried not to think about why it took longer and just enjoy the moment, but he knew perfectly well that it wouldn’t be Magnus inside him today. It would be something fake, unnatural, cold and he wasn’t ready for it. It couldn’t be good no matter how much Magnus prepared him for it.

Magnus’s free hand rubbed Alec’s lower back slowly. “You’re tensing up, Babe.”

“Sor-sorry.” Alec breathed in deep and concentrated hard to relax and let Magnus move.

“Shh.” Magnus kissed Alec’s sensitive skin on his side and made him pull in air sharp and fast. “It’s alright.”

He drew his fingers over Alec’s prostate and had him shivering as the touch left him completely. Before Alec could sense that things were changing something pushed at his muscle again. Alec instinctively clenched but didn’t move otherwise.

“I’m not hurting you. It’s small.” Magnus talked slow and sounded as secure as he was loving.

The thing wasn’t cold. It was small, at least the beginning of it. Maybe a little wider than two fingertips. As Magnus massaged the tip slowly around on his muscle, Alec relaxed bit by bit and accepted the slowly adding of pressure. When the circular movements stopped and the pressure added, Alec didn’t fight it. He held his breath and locked eyes firmly on the opposite wall, but he didn’t fight it.

“Breathe, Alexander. I know it’s strange but let it in and I promise it will be better.”

Alec heaved in air and fought every thought of pain and over the top stretching as Magnus pushed the thing inside.

“Mag…” Alec censored himself; it didn’t hurt, it wasn’t even that uncomfortable, but as the thing got wider he’d reached a point where he felt suddenly afraid of it getting bigger.

“I know. I know.” Magnus pulled back, just a fraction of an inch, but enough that Alec could relax his shoulders and back. “It’s not bigger than where you got. You were five seconds of taking all of it.”

“O-okay.” Alec shifted a bit and pulled his legs up a bit more, hugging the pillow with his thighs.

Magnus leaned in over him and Alec looked up to look at his soft smile and secure eyes. “Alexander, we can stop.”

Alec shook his head. “No, it’s okay. If it’s not bigger than that.”

“Okay.” Magnus lifted Alec’s hand up and kissed it. He let it rest on the pillow again and the pressure started up slowly.

Kisses spread over Alec’s hip, but-cheek and upper thigh and Alec did his best to concentrate on the feeling of Magnus and not this foreign object. The thing moved faster as his ass closed a bit around the base of it. Alec’s whole body shook and drew in a loud gasp as the thing pressed firmly on his prostate and stayed there.

Magnus stood over him fast and took his hand. “Cintaku?”

Alec squeezed Magnus’s hand firmly and nodded as he took another deep breath. “It’s fine, Magnus. _I’m_ fine.” He looked up at Magnus and smiled as confident as he could.

Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec’s temple and then stepped back a bit. “If it’s not too much to wait a bit taking it out, maybe you can lie on your back for a little while?”

Alec wasn’t sure why, or if he could even move with it there, but he smiled at Magnus and pushed the big pillow away. Magnus quickly got it and placed it so Alec could rest his head on it after he’d turned. Every slight movement had the thing twist inside Alec and sent wave after wave of electricity through his stomach, lower back and thighs. When Magnus was finally able to carefully lower Alec’s head carefully on the pillow, Alec was panting for air and sweating bullets. He quickly realized that he was better off with slightly spread legs to give more room.

Magnus folded the pillow down on both sides, propping Alec’s shoulders and arms up too, making it easier for Alec to breathe deep, which he desperately needed. He sat on the edge of the bed and the shift in the mattress sent another, stronger wave of pleasure through Alec’s body. He arched his back and grabbed Magnus’s hand tight. The pressure inside was more intense as there was clearly less room after he’d laid on his back and put more weight on it.

“Alexander, you tell me the minute you don’t want this anymore.” Magnus’s demanding voice was almost funny accompanied with the firm look on his face.

“I’m good.” Very careful not to move too much, Alec pulled Magnus down to kiss him deep and slow. “I’m almost_ too_ good when I move. How big is that thing?”

Magnus sat up slowly and covered Alec’s legs and half hard cock with the golden duvet. “It’s smaller than me.”

Alec was sure that his own eyes were about to fall out of his head as he looked for lies on Magnus’s face. There were none. He shook his head slowly. “But, it was… it was almost too much.”

Magnus took Alec’s hand and shook his head. “I don’t think it’s the size, Alexander. I think you’re freaking out over the strange feeling of anything but me.”

Alec knew it was the truth, but was he really fighting it so much? And what did that mean for the birth? Would it be like this or something else completely?

“Alexander.” Magnus leaned in a bit and Alec clenched in anticipation of movement and sent a new burst of heat throughout his middle.

“Okay, Babe.” Magnus waited for him to calm down enough for them to lock eyes. “Alexander. We can do this. _You_ can do this.”

Alec shook his head, not sure what exactly Magnus meant.

“Get ready; practice with the plugs. This is the small one, but if we do this enough you can take more and erase all doubt.” He cupped Alec’s cheek in a calm hand and Alec couldn’t help but lean into what ever touch Magnus would give right now. “Sayang. After what Catarina said, I know you doubt if you’re able to give birth without hurting yourself. We can take that doubt away.”

Maybe Alec was half out of his mind from the constant pressure inside him, but he believed Magnus; they could do this. With Magnus right here and no one else around, Alec could do anything.

Alec nodded and smiled as he gave in to the buzzing spreading through him and leaned his head far back. “Okay, Magnus.” Alec clammed harder down on Magnus’s hand. “Okay, I believe you, but right now… please.”

“Does it hurt.” Magnus’s voice shifted to concerned and worried faster than Alec’s brain could understand why.

“No.” Alec let out half a laugh, before he gasped again. “_God_ no. Magnus, please.” Alec frantically pulled the cover off him and grabbed his now fully erect cock.

Magnus laughed shortly, and to Alec’s disappointment he placed Alec’s hand back to grab on to the pillow. “We’ll finish after, promise, but you need to push this out first.”

Alec swallowed his breath and looked confused at Magnus. “I… I can’t.”

Magnus leaned in with a soft smile and kissed Alec light and sift on the lips. “Yes you can. I’ll help.” He reached between Alec’s legs and took a firm hold of the base of the plug. “When you’re ready; push.”

Alec let his head drop hard down into the pillow and took a few deep breaths. He grabbed the ends of the pillow under him and as he tensed up he bent his legs. With Magnus’s help, it wasn’t as difficult as Alec had feared. The stretch wasn’t as unwelcome when he was the one controlling it and the plug slowly made it to the widest part.

“Pause for a moment.” Magnus held back on the plug and held it in place, right where it was at is biggest.

Alec pushed harder, but nothing happened.

“Ma… No. Not there.”

Magnus’s free hand took a firm hold on Alec’s hip and Alec promptly looked at him. Magnus nodded encouragingly. “Feel it Alexander. It’s not too big. It’s not painful. It’s not me, but I’m sure it’s not even that weird anymore. Don’t imagine everything that could happen; _feel_ it.”

With his eyes locked on Magnus, Alec forced himself to put away every thought of what he’d felt before and concentrated on the feeling he was with right now. Slowly, he realized that Magnus was right; it _was_ smaller than Magnus, it didn’t hurt and as he came to terms with that, the feeling wasn’t that strange.

Alec slowly relaxed his hands on the pillow and smiled at Magnus. “You’re right. It’s better.”

Magnus smiled and let the plug slide the rest of the way out. Alec exhaled all of his air and relaxed his whole body but didn’t get much time to breathe before Magnus slowly slid two fingers back in and took his cock in the other hand. Alec threw his head back far and wrapped his arms over his face. The persistent massage on his inside and stroking of his cock sent constant electricity through Alec’s whole being and within seconds he lost control over his legs and spine. Curling and stretching in an unrhythmic pace, Alec moaned loudly as he came over Magnus’s hand and his own thighs.

The magic cleaning him, wasn’t up for discussion, not that Alec would have even mentioned it if he could. In under ten seconds Magnus laid beside him. Half blind and dizzy from not being able to heave in air deep enough, Alec sluggishly tried to pull himself closer to the only thing he knew was sure was secure. His head dropped heavily onto Magnus’s chest when Magnus pulled away the pillow. Alec didn’t need it like this anyway. He never needed it when he could curl up to Magnus’s side. He wrapped his upper leg over Magnus’s and rested his arm over Magnus’s chest.

“Magnus?” Alec wasn’t sure he was making a full word or if it would be perceived as only a hum, or a growl.

Magnus rubbed his hand firmly over Alec’s back and pulled the cover over both of them. “Hush. Just relax now.”

Alec nuzzled his face higher onto Magnus’s chest and sighed deep. “Magnus. We can do this.”

Alec felt Magnus press a kiss on the top of his head. “Yes we can. We can do anything.”

Somehow Alec’s mind was easier… airier; for the first time Alec had something to say about a part of the birth. There was so many things he couldn’t prepare for; that he just had to let happen. No matter if it was mostly psychological, at least he now had a thing he could have some control over.

Wrapped around Magnus, Alec filled his lungs as much as the twins would let him and breathed out relaxing completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the amazing comments, especially on the last chapter where I ended with a note that I know how I will end it. Don't worry; I'm not done with this yet. I'm not going to rush anything, and I have a lot planned to pull y'all (and the boys) through. ;-)
> 
> I'm not going to reveal the names just yet. Sorry/not sorry...


	24. Pup, Panda and other given names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is experiencing more effects from being pregnant. They knew that being a man, some of his struggles would be worse, and adding twins to that isn't making anything less difficult.  
Magnus and Alec still manage to slowly get more and more ready for the arrival of the little ones. Even the names are chosen, so why wait with telling everyone else?

Alec gasped and clutched the ruby red sheet, pulling the silk from the corners of the bed.

“You okay?” Magnus asked as he calmly moved a warm palm up Alec’s spine.

Alec hummed deep and pressed his forehead into the mattress. Magnus stopped every movement and let a little air out of the inflatable plug. He didn’t need words to know that Alec had reached his limit.

“I’m…” Alec shook his head and heaved in air. “Don’t stop.”

“Yes, Alexander.” Magnus leaned in and placed a warm kiss on Alec’s hip and instantly felt Alec’s back and legs loosen up. “You don’t need more.”

Alec relaxed more and let out a hum of obvious pleasure. Magnus continued the kiss, moving up his waist, ribs and back; ending on his neck. “We don’t have to force anything. You’re doing better every time.”

Alec’s hand found Magnus’s cheek and for a second Magnus looked into Alec’s hazy eyes. He was close to reaching another limit, that’s for sure. Magnus stretched his neck and kissed Alec’s lips lightly and in the same second shook the plug a little, making Alec gasp in the air from Magnus’s lungs.

“Let’s finish this, huh?” Magnus said, winded from the view of Alec slowly shifting in almost trance under him.

Alec clutched the sheet again, getting ready to push the toy out, like he’d done almost every other day for over a week now. Magnus took the base of the plug firmly and placed his other hand lightly on Alec’s lower back. There was no need for him to work much; the plug was just shy of the seize Elisapee had stretched him to, so there was no danger. And Alec wasn’t freaking out anymore.

Magnus would of course still have to help a lot with magic, but since Alec was getting more comfortable with the feeling, Magnus’s fear that it wouldn’t be enough had almost completely vanished.

The plug landed in Magnus’s hand and Alec let go of every tension and he body laid limp and panting on his side. Magnus slid his fingertip between Alec’s cheeks and watched him jolt with a small gasp.

“Do you want to finish it?” Magnus reached in front of Alec, but Alec took his hand and slowly laced their fingers.

“Not today.” He looked up at Magnus and smiled, reaching for him with his other arm.

Magnus took his hand and kissed it before lying down, pressing himself up against Alec’s back and pulling the red silk duvet over them. He kissed Alec’s neck and rested their intertwined hands lightly on Alec’s belly.

* * *

The nursery was slowly coming together. Magnus had been choosing most of the furniture, mostly because Alec agreed with his choices. Alec had imagined a room in pink, baby blue and white, but Magnus’s eye for style and fashion showed to have more perks, than Magnus always looking extremely well put together. The changing table and two dressers were in a color Magnus had called _the perfect mix of antique tin and charcoal grey_ and Alec loved it. Magnus had said that he would change the colors in the cribs to match when they were ready to move them out of the bedroom. Not that either of them thought that would happen for a very long time.

The two rocking chairs were in a subtle, but deep, purple that matched a nuance in the sunset on the wall that Alec hadn’t even noticed was in the painting. The puffs where Alec and Magnus had already rested their feet more than once was the same color as the chairs. Magnus wanted to write the kids names on them to sort their toys, but just as with the letters on the shelfs over the cribs, Alec had convinced him to wait till they had toll everyone what they would call them.

Alec had tried to convince himself that the decorating of the rooms was why neither him or Magnus couldn’t wait any longer. They had asked Izzy to get everyone to the apartment at the same time. Alec had been nervous all day, and had no idea why. Magnus had been more quiet too, but at the same time more observant and concerned of Alec than normally.

As soon as a portal opened in their living room, Alec’s throat locked up and he could hardly swallow. He grabbed Magnus’s hand, and for a second he looked at his smiling and calm husband. Fast, Alec’s sight was covered with water and before he could great their family, he rushed into the bedroom.

He couldn’t just cry like this in front of everyone. Not because of noting. He clutched his hands and walked the whole length of the floor before Magnus’s hands took his shoulders and turned him slowly around.

“It’s fine. Take a deep breath and calm down for a second.” Magnus smiled softly and simply waited for Alec to do as he said.

Alec blinked back the water, but still rubbed his hands roughly over his face as if tears had already spilled.

“Sorry,” Alec said quietly.

Magnus shook his head and cupped Alec’s cheek. “It’s a big deal, I get it; but we’re supposed to balance each other out, remember? I can’t be the reasonable one all the time.”

Alec chuckled and leaned in to a soft kiss. He took a deep breath and looked at the door to the living room. “Are they all here?”

Magnus took Alec’s hand and stood beside him. “They came together. Are you sure your father and Max shouldn’t be here?”

“Yeah. They’re busy; it’s more important.” Alec pulled Magnus with him and took the handle of the door. “I’ll call him later. They should know today too.”

Jace and Clary, and Catarina was sitting in the couch, Simon and Luke was on each their armrest. Izzy stood up quickly from the arm chair and offered her spot to Alec. She was practically beaming of excitement. Only Maryse, who stood close to the door, seemed worried that Alec had stormed out of the room.

Alec hugged her and asked her to sit where Izzy had been. He smiled at Izzy as she sat on the armrest and wrapped an arm around their mom.

“I’m sorry.” Alec shouldn’t be amazed anymore that his voice was back to normal that quick. It was far from the first time he’d reacted like that. The day before he’d spilled actual tears when Magnus had remembered his favorite pasta-dish and portaled to Italy to bring home a portion of Ragù Napoletano for them to share. He shook his head to let go of the memory. “I just needed a second. I’m fine.”

Magnus drew the coffee table to the side so they both could sit on it and everyone could see them. It felt like they were sitting on the edge of a stage but it seemed kinda fitting for the situation.

“Why are we all here?” Maryse asked. “Izzy told us it was important.”

Only Izzy knew what was about to happen.

Magnus took Alec’s hand and Alec could almost feel him smiling. “It is. We’re need to say this before we explode.”

Alec laughed and rubbed his belly. “Well, at least before _I_ do.” He wasn’t sure if anyone but Magnus laughed, but when he broke eye-contact with him and looked at the others, they all seemed at least more at ease and there was only smiles.

“Alec.” Jace spoke up and unwrapped his arm from around Clary so he could lean forward so Alec could see him better. “What are you going to say?”

Alec hesitated, but Magnus squeezed his hand lighter and made Alec look at him. “Tell them.”

Alec shook his head. “You first.”

They had decided who would tell about which baby and Alec wanted to wait with their son’s name just a little longer. Magnus nodded and turned to smile at all the confused people in the room.

“We’ve decided on the names and we want you all to know now.”

Alec heard Clary gasp, but he only saw his mom bite her bottom lip and swallow hard. He wanted nothing more than to hug her again.

Magnus breathed in deep and continued. “We wanted their names to mean something. I wanted to name them after someone important, but Alec insisted that they both had Indonesian names.” He wrapped both his hands around Alec’s and for a second Alec saw the same gratefulness in Magnus’s eyes that he saw when he’d suggested it.

Magnus paused and Alec locked his eyes on his mom. “We’re calling or baby girl, Maria. It is a name used in Indonesia, which means _wished-for-child_… just like one of the original meanings of Maryse.”

If there had been the slightest doubt about the name in Alec’s mind, the surprised smile on his mom’s face, would surely had erased it for good. Since he was already sure that they had chosen right, the smile and her quivering chin only made him want to hug her more. She reacted before he could though, and calmly but swiftly stood in front of them and pulled them both up into a hug. As Alec wrapped his arm tight around her back, he felt her shaky breath and let her decide the length of the hug.

She brushed her hand over her eyes before she let go of them both and then cupped a cheek on both Magnus and Alec. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“We know,” Alec said calmly, as the took both of her hands and held them tight between their chests. “We wanted to.”

Maryse nodded slightly, and blinked fast a few times before she kissed Alec’s cheek and then Magus’s forehead. She breathed deep and looked down at Alec’s belly. “What about the boy?”

Alec smiled and gestured for her to sit again. Magnus wrapped his arm around Alec’s shoulders as Alec noticed his sister’s glazed over eyes as she took her mother’s hand.

Alec bit his lip and looked at the floor, gathering himself for a second before facing everyone again.

“We will call him AJ. Amien means trustworthy, safety and protection.” Alec’s lungs heaved in air with more force than he’d allowed and he looked at Magnus, who only smiled with encouragement for him to continue. “The second name means healer.”

The silence in the room was deafening. Everyone was waiting for Alec to continue but since no one asked for him to hurry, Alec took his time to come to terms with the fact that his voice would crack no matter how he tried to prepare himself. Magnus’s arm hugged him tighter to his side and he nodded to himself before taking. “AJ is short for Amien Jace.”

“What?” Jace said, looking at Alec with more confusion on his face than the surprise Alec had expected to see.

Magnus let out an almost soundless laugh. “We looked it up. We wanted something meaning healer or cure, and when we saw Jace on the page, there was nothing to discuss.”

Slowly, Jace looked at everyone in the room and Alec let his own gaze follow. There was nothing but smiles. He’d wondered how Izzy would react to not have her name in there too, but Alec easily recognized the single tear running over her cheek as a happy one.

“Jace?” Alec asked hesitant.

The instant shock on Jace’s face slowly but surely was replaced by a huge smile. He shook his head and when he looked at Alec he seemed to be close to laughing. “You’re insane.”

The light in Jace’s voice was as clear as when Alec and he was laughing; mostly when they tripped in a sparring match or when they talked about some of the absurd things Simon and Clary mentioned from their life as mundanes.

“So you’re good with it?” Alec asked half laughing himself.

Jace jumped up and barely got Alec to his feet before he held his shoulders in tight grips and looked him in the eyes. “I _love_ it.” He hugged Alec quick but still tight enough for Alec to know that he still wasn’t scared of hurting him or the babies.

Magnus stood up too and when Jace stood back, he placed a seemingly heavy hand on his shoulder. “You’re both still insane. And don’t expect kisses from me.”

Everyone reacted with laughter or simply shaking their heads. Izzy managed to hug Jace before he dropped down next to Clary again. Catarina had stood up and taken a step back as everyone talked loudly between themselves. Alec noticed and in the short break between hugging Izzy and shaking hands with Simon and Luke, he nodded for Magnus to go to her. As everything simmered down a bit, Alec heard Magnus tell her that she was a part of the family too and luckily she looked at Alec in that second, so he could smile at her and confirm the statement with a nod. He would have to be clearer about that the next day when they would see her again for the first checkup in the third trimester. They were getting close and he still felt like they were nowhere near ready. Alec froze for a second, but quickly shook his head to get back to the last part of the reveal.

“Izzy. Come here for a second.” Alec cut through the small-talk and everyone looked at him and at Izzy, who slowly made her way through the room. Alec made a hand-gesture for the others to sit in the couch-area again. But took Simon’s shoulder as he walked by. “Simon. You too.”

Alec made the two sit on the coffee table and stood next to Magnus in the middle of the circle made of their family.

“Alec?” Izzy asked almost with no sound. But before either of them could continue, Simon broke in. “There can’t possibly be more names to reveal. You don’t have more in there, do you?”

Alec sighed through a smile and shook his head. Magnus took his hand as when their eyes met, Alec nodded for him to explain.

“We’ve read a lot of baby books,” Magnus started.

Alec chuckled and Magnus clearly understood. “_A lot_,” he continued. “In all the mundane ones we’ve got they mention something, we’ve never thought about. Simon, you have to know what Godparents are.”

Simon jumped up and looked over-excitedly from Alec to Magnus and back. “You’re not serious?”

“What?” Izzy stepped up next to him.

“We’re serious,” Alec said. He wasn’t quite prepared for the overpowering hug pushing him back a step, and by the look of it, Magnus hadn’t had time to steady himself enough either.

Amused by Simon’s reaction and slightly worried how Izzy would react when it meant so much to Simon, Alec asked Izzy to sit on the table and sat down next to her. He took her hand and looked quickly to Clary, who seemed to be smiling with every cell in her body. “Clary?” Alec’s voice cracked as he knew it would. “Can you explain?”

Clary nodded and sat on the edge of the couch. “Izzy. Godparents often have a big interest in the kids life. Often they are seen as mentors to the child and if…” She looked at Alec, but he just nodded at her to continue.

“The kids will have a lot of people taking interest in their life and Magnus and Alec will have all the help they can ask for, but if something should happen to Alec or Magnus, it’s you and Simon who will be responsible for the twins.”

Izzy’s hand shook in Alec’s and she exhaled sharply. Simon hunched down in front of her and took her other hand.

“Iz?” Alec tried silently, and she looked at him with tears already running over her face.

She smiled through her tears and breathed in slowly, clearly calming herself. “Why?”

Alec’s smile spread effortless and he squeezed her hand. “Magnus and I have talked about it a lot, but we never had any doubt that it should be you two. You’re smartest, most caring person I know. You know people, often better than they know themselves. You’re strong willed, which will probably be an important quality to have with two little ones. We want everyone in here to be a part of their lives, but the Godparents should be you and Simon.”

Magnus hunched down next to Simon and hung an arm around his shoulders. “We wanted the funny uncle to be a big part of their upbringing. You two just acquired all the babysitting gigs no one else can take. You’re it.”

Simon’s failed try to cover his joy with an exhausted look made Alec laugh. Izzy chuckled too.

“There’s another reason too,” Magnus said and looked only at Simon. “We know that AJ is a warlock; immortal. Maybe Maria too. If I can’t you will be their guardian; their family.”

Simon nodded at Magnus and then at Alec. “Of course. I don’t have to be a Godparent for that.” Simon’s serious look quickly faded and Alec loved him for it. It was always weird to talk about the time after. With a huge smile Simon spoke louder than before. “Oh wow, I’m the Godfather.”

Alec knew it was a movie, but Magnus and Clary seemed to be the only one to get the joke. They were most likely the only two who had seen it.

Izzy shook her head and then turned to hug Alec tight. She didn’t let go for a long time, and Magnus placed his hand on Alec’s on her back. Alec smiled at his husband and then looked around the room. His mom was crying, wrapped in Luke’s arms. There had been a moment, when they decided, where Alec had wondered if Jace and Clary would feel overlooked or like they weren’t good enough, but it hadn’t lasted more than a second. Both Jace and Alec knew that Izzy was the one to chose and it made sense with Simon being a vampire. Besides they were probably the ones who would get ready to settle down with a family first and since Simon couldn’t have kids that would be a whole other problem than Magnus and Alec’s.

* * *

Magnus dropped into the couch on the balcony. “C’mere Pup.”

Alec stopped a few feet from him with his arms crossed. “I hope you’re talking to our babies.”

“Wouldn’t that technically be; _pups_?” Magnus padded the cushion next to him and Alec gave in with an overbearing sigh and sat down.

“You’re in a good mood,” he said and turned to rest his head on the armrest and let Magnus lift his legs up over his own.

“Why shouldn’t I be? This morning you got the all-clear from Catarina, the nursery is coming together nicely and your family loved the names.”

“_Our_ family.” Alec said, making sure to catch Magnus’s eyes.

Magnus gave him a smile and took off Alec’s shoes. Every day when they had both come home they would eat and then Magnus would give Alec the choice of where he wanted to rest while Magnus massaged his feet and lower legs. He’d never asked Alec if he wanted it in the first place, but Alec was sure that Magnus knew he didn’t have to; it was the best time of the day.

“Speaking of the nursery.” Alec shifted a bit to get his neck placed better for airflow. There was no need to make it any harder to breathe than the twins was already. “I wondered about the stuffed toys Clary and Izzy brought.”

“They’re cute, don’t you think?” Magnus said, not looking up from Alec’s feet.

“Sure, but I couldn’t figure out the reason for choosing a puppy and a baby panda, but you just played yourself, calling me that.” Alec made a stern face, waiting for Magnus to look up, but Magnus kept looking down, but with a huge smile on his face.

“You told!” Alec pushed himself up a bit to get more air for the next words. “Why the hell would you tell Clary about your crazy attempts for nicknames?”

Magnus looked up with pretend shock on his face but laughter shining through his eyes. “I didn’t.” He swallowed and hid a smile as he looked down and spoke quieter. “I told Izzy.”

Alec shook his head. That didn’t make it any better. It didn’t make sense either; Alec hadn’t heard those names since he’d shut that madness down years ago.

“I thought she’d forgot about it.” Magnus reached for Alec’s hand but Alec jokingly pulled away and crossed his arms over his chest.

“So, what? What else do you share with my sister?”

Magnus took Alec’s hand from under his other arm, and Alec let him kiss it.

“Nothing. You’re safe, I promise. I was fishing for new names and accidently told her what I’d already tried. She thought it was hilarious and shot it down maybe faster than you did. I really thought she didn’t remembered anymore.”

Alec leaned back and threw his arm over his eyes as he shook his head. “Shit, Magnus. Clary know now too.”

Magnus laughed loud and once again directed his attention to Alec’s sore legs. “I’m sorry, but you don’t seem to react to them hearing me call you Spanish or Indonesian names.”

“That’s different,” Alec said, looking at Magnus. “You can’t even compare the two.”

“So…” Magnus hesitated, but looked at Alec after a few seconds. “…do you want me to give the toys back?”

Alec shook his head. “No, Love. They are too cute.”

Magnus clearly tried to hide the chuckle, but Alec saw. He didn’t care though; the toys were gifts, and actually kinda perfect.

He breathed in deep and tried to push his chest up a bit more to get the air in deeper.

“Do you need another pillow? Maybe we should move to the bed, so you can be on your side.” Magnus was already tensing up under Alec’s legs, getting ready to move.

“Calm down.” Alec breathed out. “I can’t be on my side all the time. I’m okay, _really_.”

Magnus relaxed a bit but didn’t leave the issue alone. “Maybe I should get the oxygen?”

Alec shook his head and smiled. He was comfortable. Not breathing as well as he would have liked, but not struggling and he wasn’t dizzy like he’d been a few times before. “How can you and Catarina say that I’m given the ­_all-clear_ when she left me with an oxygen mask to sleep with?” He sighed at the thought and from the next. “_And_ that I can’t portal? The book says the last two weeks, I have like 12 to go still.”

Magnus pressed down on a specially sensitive spot under Alec’s foot and Alec grinded his teeth as he pushed himself a bit away from the touch. It was the same place every time, but Magnus did something extra out of it now.

“You now it’s not like that for you,” Magnus said as he massaged the spot in small firm circles as if to underline what he was saying. “You won’t go 40 weeks, you’ll suffocate first. The babies are a little bigger than twins at 28 weeks, and you have far less room for them, since they can’t drop into a male pelvis.”

“You sound like Catarina.” Alec almost laughed through his forced pouty face.

“So, you _did_ listen to what she said.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll get the injections for the lungs at week 33 or 34, _can’t wait_.” Alec rolled his eyes but ended with a smile and took Magnus’s hand. “I’m glad we most likely don’t have to wait more than 5 or six weeks though. I’m getting more and more miserable.”

He placed their joined hands on his belly and watched Magnus rub his thumb slowly on their babies home for now.

“I can’t wait to meet them,” Magnus said quietly.

“I know. Me neither. I just want them to be ready.”

“They will be.” Magnus gathered both his hands around Alec’s and looked him deeply in the eyes. “With the risk of sounding like Catarina again; Babies born after 32 weeks generally do well and with the resources we have, medical and magic, it’s nothing we should fear. At 34 weeks they will have the same chances as any other baby.”

Alec sat up, lowered his feet to the floor and kissed Magnus slowly. “You _do_ sound like her, but it’s not a bad thing right now.”

Alec knew everything Magnus had just said. He’d even wrote everything down as some kind of step-by-step goal plan. But it was always good to hear it said with Magnus’s confidence.

“Jace is still going to freak out about the portalling though.” Alec let out a sigh, louder than intended.

“He _does_ tend to overreact when it comes to you and the babies. You should probably talk to him tomorrow. Are you ready to go to bed?” Magnus looked at Alec’s legs as if he wasn’t sure he was completely done.

“Sure.” Alec stood up and followed Magnus to the bedroom.

* * *

It was like the oxygen tank was taking up half of the room and Alec could see nothing but that as they got ready for bed.

Knowing it was pointless, Alec did his best to ignore it as he laid down with his pillow behind his back and rested his head on Magnus’s upper arm and shoulder.

“Alexander.” Magnus sounded neither surprised or angry.

“I don’t need it.” Alec snuggled closer to Magnus and tried to hide it as their girl moved fast and pushed out a gasp from Alec’s lungs.

Magnus sat up and looked overbearingly down at Alec, before he with no words walked to Alec’s side of the bed and took the mask.

Alec turned slowly, not to make it look like it took much effort. “I’m fine. I’ll just sit up a bit if I feel like I can’t breathe. Just like all the other nights.”

He knew that it was waking him up too many times at night and with his bladder being the second preferred punching-bag, he’d hardly gotten any sleep the last week. Magnus knew it too and chose to ignore Alec’s protest as he sat down on the edge of the mattes and handed Alec the mask.

“I know it’s weird, but you _do_ need it. C’mon.” He pushed Alec’s hand to prompt him to move.

With a deep sigh, Alec realized that there was nothing to do but to putt the elastic band behind his head and let the mask cover his nose and mouth. “Satisfied?”

Magnus leaned in and pulled the mask down just enough to place a soft kiss on Alec’s lips, before leaving it back in place. He turned the valve on the tank and quickly laid his eyes on Alec again. Alec hardly felt the change in the mask. Maybe it was a bit colder. He nodded and gave Magnus a confirming smile.

With his head resting securely on Magnus’s shoulder again, Magnus wrapped his arm over Magnus’s chest and tried to forget the thing covering, what felt like, half his face. He breathed in as deep as he could. While surprised that the air somehow felt lighter he also realized that his lungs didn’t fill more. Of course they wouldn’t. It wouldn’t make more room. Catarina had promised that he would sleep better and he wouldn’t feel like he needed to breathe deep. It still took a few deep breaths more to get used to the feeling.

Magnus’s hand rubbed Alec’s back a bit faster than a second earlier. “Are you alright, Alexander?”

Alec nodded and pulled himself a bit closer to Magnus’s chest. “It’s better, I guess.” His voice sounded more muffled in the mask than he’d thought and he cleared his throat to make his words clearer. “I’m just not sure it’s the right way. I can’t sleep with this on.”

Magnus lifted his head and Alec felt a small kiss on his forehead. “Just close your eyes and relax, I’m sure you’ll get used to it soon.”

* * *

“What couldn’t you tell me over the phone?” Jace was already in the apartment when Alec came home from work. “I saw the oxygen tank. What’s wrong?”

Jace had clearly been there for a while. Alec shot a look at the open door to the bedroom; he should have closed that. Why didn’t he think of that?

“Jace, sit down. I’m fine.” Alec dropped into the couch and looked at the armchair, silently asking Jace to follow his move. He robbed his palms over his belly. It was starting to itch, it made sense with the stretch marks showing over the last days, but now it was just another annoyance to deal with.

“I wanted to tell you here, because you need to see that I’m okay.”

“Alec, what…”

“Stop.” Alec cut Jace off with a smile. “Just stop. Catarina gave me the oxygen mask for when I’m lying down and these two is pushing all the air out of my lungs.” He looked down his belly and then leaned forward to be a bit closer to Jace. “It’s nothing to worry about, but that’s not why I wanted to see you. You know that I can’t portal the last two weeks, right?”

Jace nodded. Alec had explained chosen parts of the book to his mom, Izzy and Jace so they would know to expect and wouldn’t be surprised.

“Well, since there’s two and a man don’t have room enough, Catarina has forbidden me to portal from yesterday.”

“Forbidden?” Jace frowned and shook his head lightly.

Alec chuckled at the unintentional choice of words. “It was a said as a kind suggestion, but you know her; I’ll have hell to pay if I don’t follow the _suggestions_.”

Jace laughed shortly, but then looked concerned at Alec. “Is she worried that you will got into premature labor?”

“No. It’s only a precaution. I’ll still be able to work and she thinks it’s a good idea that I continue walking to and from the Clave.”

“Alright,” Jace said with a sudden determination. “I’m not going into the field until the kids are born.”

“Jace no…”

“Yes.” Jace’s gaze didn’t give room for Alec to try again. “I’m not risking it. You and I both know that the parabatai bond can make a bigger toll on us than a portal.” He moved to sit next to Alec on the couch and placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. “It’s only a precaution.”

They both smiled and Alec could do nothing but give in and nod, agreeing with his brother.

“Besides. It’s not more than a few weeks anyway,” Jace said, before he turned his head to watch Magnus walk into the room.

“Jace.” Alec got his attention again. “It could be anywhere between six and ten weeks.”

Jace’s face dropped for a second, but he quickly got his confidence back and smiled. “Fine. Simon isn’t the only one who needs a sparring partner. I’ll still have a fulltime job.”

“Thank you,” Magnus said as he placed a hand on Jace’s shoulder. Jace looked up at him and nodded in silence.

Alec decided not to confront the two overprotective men; it would only prolong the conversation and end up with the same result.

“So,” Magnus said, suddenly louder and more cheery. “Do you two want to see the next addition to the nursery?”

Jace smiled at Alec and pulled him to his feet. They followed Magnus, as he was beaming with joy, into the room. Alec’s eyes immediately landed on the golden embroidering on the two puffs. He wrapped an arm around Magnus’s back and pulled him tight to his side. Jace didn’t say anything, not that Alec had expected it. He wouldn’t have know what was new anyway.

“C’mon.” Magnus pulled Alec out of the room and waited for Jace to follow them into the bedroom where they stopped by the cribs.

The shelves over them were already stocked with adorable night wear, Maryse had bought them. Magnus rubbed his fingers, making white sparks and with an invisible force he stacked the clothes higher and made space on both shelves. He took Alec’s hand tight and waved white and silver waves over the areas and baby blue and light pink block letters appeared.

_Maria_ and _Amien Jace_. Maybe it was that the embroidery on the puff had only read _AJ_, because Jace took a step back, fast enough that he knocked against the opposite wall.

Alec looked at him, waiting for him to react.

Eventually, Jace smiled and shook his head. “I didn’t think you were lying, but I guess I didn’t really believe it.”

“Well, believe it.” Alec hugged Jace short but tight.

He turned and cupped Magnus’s cheeks with both hands and kissed him slowly. “I love it. I love _you_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's with slight nerves that I post this chapter, since the names are such a big part of this and so many of you have opinions. In the end I did what I always do when in doubt and picked what I liked myself.   
I've been set on the names for months and hope you like them too.


	25. Life after birth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's dreams are getting weird, but vivid enough to make him think. Some of them anyway. Some he just does his best to forget. Alec and Magnus fight for a little bit of normality... we all know what half their time normally is spent on ;). Then they have another check-up with Catarina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thrilled to be able to post again. It's been too long. I know some of you are of the impatient kind, but trust me; I'm the one spinning of the board when I don't get my time to sit down to write. 
> 
> I was so happy to see all the comments on the last chapter and hear that you guys like the names. There was quite a few suggestions for giving the girl a middle name too. I'm not promising anything. Magnus doesn't have two names and there's plenty of siblings where only one have two names. I kinda love the idea that they didn't want to force it if it didn't came to them. Maybe one will come to them later.

Magnus slid his fingertips slowly over Alec’s bare chest. With Alec leaned against Magnus’s own chest, he was sitting almost straight up in the bed and Magnus took in the beautiful sight of the effortless movements over Alec’s chest as he breathed slowly. Alec’s head laid heavily on Magnus’s shoulder and the warm breath brushed over the skin on Magnus’s Adam’s apple.

Magnus continued to draw circles over Alec’s chest as he decided to break the silence that had been since he’d shook Alec awake. “So, are you going to tell me what this one was about?”

Alec sighed deeply and let his head turn to fit better into the crease of Magnus’s neck.

“I don’t really remember. My dreams are just a mess, really.”

Magnus smiled to himself as he buried his other hand in Alec’s hair. Over the last weeks Magnus had had to fake, more than once, that he’d understood what Alec was explaining. He was sure that most of the time, even Alec didn’t know what was going on, but he always tried. Except for two days ago when Magnus had woken him from a very vivid dream that was most definitely _not_ a nightmare. Alec had only looked at Magnus for two seconds before turning bright red and turning away. He’d not made eye-contact for half the day. After a while, Magnus got the impression that he wasn’t the one Alec had been dreaming about. When he’d asked, Alec had excused himself and stayed on the balcony till Magnus had joined him and promised that it didn’t matter and he wouldn’t ask again.

This time was different. Alec had woken up with a frown that hadn’t disappeared with light kisses and fingers brushing through hair. Magnus still felt Alec’s shoulders a bit tense. “What _do_ you remember? It doesn’t have to make sense. How do you feel?”

Alec swallowed hard enough that Magnus felt his shoulder-blades move against his own chest. “Stupid.”

Magnus had not seen that coming. Confused, nervous or maybe even scared, but not _stupid_.

“Why?” Magnus said, trying not to sound too shocked.

“We don’t know.” Alec stopped Magnus’s drawings on his chest with a heavy hand covering it. “This is too weird, too much.”

Magnus wasn’t sure what Alec was getting at. It_ was_ weird and it certainly felt like it was too much to handle at times, but they talked about that almost every day. “Alexander. What is too much _exactly_?”

Alec swallowed and moved their joined hands down to rest on the babies. “Not for us. For _them_.”

Magnus frowned and shook his head lightly before talking, but Alec continued before he could get a word out. “They will have so many things against them.” Alec looked down and started rubbing his thumb on the top of his belly. “They will not only have two dads, they will have a shadowhunter and warlock couple as parents, they will have to grow up with everyone knowing that their dad gave birth to them. We’re going to put two kids into all of this mess.” Alec sighed and put his other hand flat on his belly too. “They didn’t ask for this.”

“Hey.” Magnus talked calmly even though he wanted nothing more than to blurt out all his words at once. He kissed Alec’s temple and laced their fingers on his belly. “You have to remember that they won’t grow up like us. They won’t have to hide who they really are. You’re not just a shadow hunter and I’m not just a warlock. We’re both elected to be leaders and the pregnancy was approved by the clave.”

“But people will still resent them for everything we are.”

Magnus pushed Alec up slowly and moved to sit in front of him.

“You had everything against you. Me being a guy, me being a warlock. You made it through. It will be easier on them. Do you really think that what we did, hasn’t made things easier on Izzy and Simon?”

Alec seemed to hold his breath for a few seconds too long as he stared at Magnus, then he let a soft smile take hold of his lips and nodded. He picked up Magnus’s hand and placed the palm to his cheek. Magnus sighed relived, and let his other hand join in on cupping Alec’s cheeks. He lightly leaned in and kissed his lips but was surprised to feel Alec holding back.

“Alexander. What is it?”

Alec looked down and shook his head. “I’m not sure. The dream didn’t make sense. It was mostly bits and pieces, but it felt so real.”

“What felt real?” Magnus asked. “Cariño, do you still feel like we rushed in to this?”

They had, they both knew it, but they had talked it over so many times now that they were sure they would have gotten this far anyway, even if they had taken more time to think everything over.

“It felt real when I was faced with the truth. I don’t know what that was, but it wasn’t good.” Alec shook his head as he looked at his hands on his belly. “One thing is how the world will treat them, but what about the genetics? We don’t know what it’ll mean for AJ to have both the warlock-gene and angel blood. We don’t know if Maria will have magic. What if she doesn’t? Will that be easier on her or will she resent AJ…? I’m sorry. I don’t want it to matter but…”

Alec paused and looked up. He looked as if he didn’t want to continue, but Magnus took his hand and nodded encouragingly. Alec bit his lip for a second and then gathered both hands around Magnus’s. “We can look at one ultrasound after the other, but we can’t see his warlock-mark. What if he can’t glamour it? I don’t think he has than kind of control over his magic as a baby.”

Magnus had thought the same thing, briefly, but he’d never given the thought that much importance. They would love their boy and girl, no matter how they looked and everyone else important to them would too.

He took a deep breath and pulled Alec in for a hug that only lasted till Alec couldn’t get a good breath down. With an effortless smile Magnus took the time to brush a curl from Alec’s forehead. “Don’t feel bad about thinking about it. I know you’re not ashamed. You just want the best for them; I do too.” He put both hands flat on the twins. “They will be loved. Sure they will be growing up in a huge mess, but it’ll be the most loving, embracing and caring mess anyone could be a part of. They’ll have everything they need and more.”

Magnus thumbed away a tear just as it left the corner of Alec’s eye. He got up on his knees and placed a kiss on Alec’s forehead, before he climbed back to sit between Alec’s back and the headboard again. As he wrapped one arm about Alec’s chest and pulled the cover up over them, he felt Alec’s shoulders relax. Nodding silently to himself, Magnus kissed the top of Alec’s head and as he rested his own head back into the pillow he buried his free hand in Alec’s soft curls.

* * *

Over half an hour went by in silence before Magnus moved out from behind Alec. As he planted his bare feet on the floor, Alec grabbed his shoulder from behind and stopped him from standing. Magnus sighed, he didn’t want to end the moment either, but eventually they would both need to move, and eat. He kissed Alec’s hand before he placed it on the mattress next to him. However, he didn’t manage to stand before his hips was pulled back by two firm grips on him.

“I need to move a little. You should too,” Magnus said as he turned to Alec with a smile.

Alec grabbed Magnus’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. Surprised, Magnus froze and accepted the kiss planted on his lips.

“I need to move too, but we don’t have to leave the bed for that.”

Magnus shook his head with an overbearing smile. Alec’s mood had been a roller-coaster for way too long now, and for a time his sex-drive was just as unpredictable. Magnus was getting whiplash more than once a day by Alec’s emotions, but over the last weeks Alec had been too tired to think about sex. And the times where Magnus had ended the dildo-play with a hand-job had seemed to be all he could take.

“Didn’t you get enough last night?”

Alec shook his head and pulled Magnus down to lie next to him. “It’s not the same Magnus. I miss _you_.”

Magnus paused for a second and then pushed himself up on his elbow, looking down on Alec’s huge and beautiful smile. “You _have_ me. You have me after, every time you want me to finish it.” He knew it wasn’t the same, but Alec hadn’t taken initiative for more for days.

“I know. It’s not what I mean.” Alec took Magnus’s hand and laced their fingers on his own chest. “I _love_ the way you do everything; how you pull me over the line. But Magnus, I need you there with me. This isn’t sex. It’s becoming a task again. Just like when we were trying to get pregnant. I want it to be fun. To be _us_.”

Magnus missed it too, maybe more than Alec. Thinking about it; it had to have been more than a week since Alec had forced him on his back and given him that unbelievably magnificent blowjob. He wasn’t sure when both of them worked together towards a common goal. It was almost like missing a part of Alec, which meant a part of himself. His stomach curled at the thought, but he couldn’t do it. Alec wasn’t breathing right, his back was hurting and he was having more and more of those contractions. It couldn’t be safe for Alec _or_ the twins. Maybe it could even start the birth too soon. Magnus wasn’t even sure sex would feel good for Alec right now.

He leaned in and kissed Alec’s forehead and as he studied his flushed cheeks and glazed eyes, he had to talk himself from just diving in to a deep kiss that wouldn’t stop before it was too late. Alec’s look in that mood was astonishing and had knocked Magnus’s legs out from under him more than once without a single word.

“No.” It hurt him to say it. For a second he wasn’t sure he had. “Alexander, I won’t. We shouldn’t, it’s not safe.”

Alec didn’t seemed disconcerted by the words. He simply smiled and pushed Magnus to his back. Within seconds, Alec was sitting over Magnus’s one thigh, pressing both his hands on the mattress on either side of his head.

“Don’t get all overprotective with me now. It _is_ safe. It’s actually really healthy. Besides, _you’re_ not doing anything.”

Pinned down under Alec, Magnus could do nothing but shake his head. “No.” The word came out ragged and whiny, and Magnus wasn’t sure if it was because he was scared for Alec or because it was such clear violation to Magnus’s own nature to say no to this.

“Yes.” Alec kissed Magnus strong, and the second Magnus gave in, one of his arms was released and he wrapped it around Alec’s upper back.

Alec’s hand slid down Magnus’s hip, and into his boxers, landing in a firm hold on his butt-cheek. Magnus gasped into the kiss and wrapped his free leg around Alec’s. Alec paused for a second, letting them both catch their breaths.

“Tell me you don’t want this.”

Last time Alec had asked that, Magnus had no way of denying that he wanted it. Alec knew that and leaned in for another kiss before Magnus could answer, but Magnus placed a hand on Alec’s chest and slowly pushed him back. Alec was right; Magnus couldn’t deny it this time either, but that didn’t mean that they should just go for it.

“I do. Alexander, I want to.” Magnus tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “I really do. I miss you too, but we need to be careful. You shouldn’t strain yourself too much.”

Alec loosened his grip on Magnus’s other hand and pushed himself back to sit upright. Surprisingly, he neither look hurt nor disappointed. He calmly took Magnus’s hand and placed it on the top of his belly. “Magnus. I’m good. _We’re_ good. You know I only skip training at work, when I’m too tired. Never because I think it’s not safe.”

Magnus nodded, not able to figure out why his eyes were burning and the lump in his throat was growing.

“Love. You need this as much as I do. I’m sure it’ll do wonders for both of our mental health’s.” Alec leaned in a bit and cupped Magnus’s cheek. “Trust me. It’s safe.”

There was no way Magnus could doubt those calm eyes smiling down at him. Not after all that Alec had been through. If there was not a single tremor of his hand, waver in his eyes or tremble on his voice, Alec was not only sure; he knew.”

“I trust you. Just…”

Alec put a finger on Magnus’s lips, breaking the stream of words. “I won’t force anything or power through. Just like all the other times.” Alec laughed. “I’ve not become more reckless. Just because I’m 12 weeks more pregnant than our anniversary weekend.”

Has it really been that long? Magnus’s eyes focused on his hand on Alec’s belly. The babies had definitely grown a lot since then.

“Hey.” Alec took Magnus’s hand and kissed it, before pinning it to the mattress again as he leaned over Magnus. “I can still reach you.”

Magnus laughed and cupped Alec’s cheek with his free hand. “I see that.”

Alec leaned in and they joined in a kiss that erased every thought that Alec wasn’t up to this, from Magnus’s mind. Maybe it was actually better that Alec was on top, in charge and setting the pace. Sure he would be doing most of the work, but Alec was never a passive bottom anyway.

Alec didn’t waist any time in sliding his hand back down and grabbing Magnus’s backside hard again. Magnus grabbed Alec’s shoulder with his free hand. He was sure he would need a way to steady himself against Alec and not the bed, in a minute.

The warm and strong kiss, trailed down Magnus’s neck and collarbone, stopped too early and Alec sat up. There was no way Alec could curl up like he usually did and kissed Magnus’s chest and stomach while concentrating everything else around Magnus’s backside. For a second Magnus thought he had to tell Alec that it was alright, that it wasn’t like before. That it was somehow better that Alec wanted to anyway, but he had no time. Alec moved between Magnus’s legs and lifted the newly freed knee up over Alec’s shoulder. Locked under Alec’s hand on his wrist and with a leg over Alec’s shoulder Magnus had next to no room to move and was once again in the mercy of his huge and passionately eager husband.

Alec pushed Magnus’s leg a bit more and made his ass leave the mattress. He pulled Magnus’s boxers down, only enough to have room. Magnus lifted his other foot from the mattress to help get them off, but Alec’s hand left them between Magnus’s thighs. Magnus jumped and tensed by the sudden touch to his ass. Alec’s two fingers rubbed fast and firm circles over his muscle and Magnus gasped to try and keep up.

“Ale…” The word got caught in a fast exhale when a dry tip of a finger broke through fast and then disappeared.

Magnus followed Alec’s hand with his eyes as he picked the lube from the bedside table. When he heard the bottle opening his knocked his head back on the pillow, breathless starring to the ceiling wondering if they would even make it to two fingers before he had to make Alec slow down.

Magnus prepared for the cold lube, Alec never had time to wait for it to warm, but the first touch of the cold was also a finger pushing in to the last knuckle. Magnus heaved in a sharp gasp and kicked instinctively stretched out his free leg flat on the bed to pull himself away.

“Shh. Magnus.” Alec’s glossy eyes were right over Magnus’s face. Magnus locked his own eyes to them and tried to relax around Alec’s finger, swiftly gracing over his prostate in small circles. “This is all for you. Remember to stop me if it’s too fast.” Magnus wasn’t scared that Alec would accidently hurt him. He never was. Overwhelmed and taken aback, sure. But never scared.

Magnus nodded and took the biggest breath he could without choking on it, before lifting his head, hoping for a kiss. Alec let go of Magnus’s hand and grabbed the back of his head, lifting him the rest of the way and kissed him deeply. The second they let air between them again Alec pushed in a second finger and Magnus landed hard back on the pillow.

The burn was just sort of too much. The two fingertips dancing on his prostate was almost too vague compared. Panting for air, Magnus did everything he could not to clench as Alec started pushing deeper and pulling out. He could hear Alec’s breathing speeding up too. He wasn’t even inside him yet, how could this be healthy? Alec needed to relax and not use extra air he didn’t have.

A shot of burning electricity, followed by a wave of ice water rushed over Magnus and he yelped loudly ending in a cough for air. The two fingers inside him curled again and turned over his prostate just as hard, pushing him into blindness. “You’re thinking. Stop.”

“Wha…? Alex…” Magnus pushed the words out with gasps of air.

“Just now. You stopped being here. You got nervous or something.” Alec grabbed Magnus’s chin and turned his face so Magnus was sure that the shape of slightly darker colors than all the rest was Alec. “_Stop that_! Be here. I’m good.”

Magnus nodded, not sure what else to do.

“Are you good?” Alec’s voice changed. It was almost to low to hear over the rushing in Magnus’s ears.

“Yeah.” Magnus grabbed Alec’s wrist and somehow their fingers ended up intertwined pressed against his chest. “I’m… I’m so good.”

Alec shifted a bit and Magnus tried to prepare for another attack of pleasure, but the only thing he got was nothingness. Cold and empty nothingness. Alec had pulled out, no warning, no reason. The pitiful whimper he heard couldn’t possibly be the sound he felt move through his own chest and throat. He’d just let Alec know that he was fine. Magnus was more than fine.

What if Alec suddenly wasn’t? Warmth touched his ass before he could think further. He didn’t need to see to know that Alec was more than fine too. The pressure from Alec’s rock hard cock was so familiar and so, so welcome. The burning wasn’t. Magnus was used to a little pain. Often he only felt it for a second before everything else took over. The pain was only a sign that Alec couldn’t control himself with Magnus or that only in these situations with Magnus, would he throw his brain out the window. And that, made it so that it wasn’t really pain. This time it was more than a little burn from being stretched to much too soon. It _hurt_.

“St…” Magnus gasped out and tried to tighten his fingers already squeezing on to Alec’s hand.

The pressure stopped and a hand found Magnus’s cheek. “Magnus. Did I hurt you?”

Magnus instinctively shook his head in Alec’s grip. Alec could never hurt him.

“Look at me.” Alec’s voice was still right above him.

Still fighting for every breath, Magnus opened his eyes and found Alec’s flushed cheeks decorating his damp face. He was so unbelievably stunning, mouth half open to let the air pass with no pause, the pulse on his neck visibly pounding. Magnus took a second to breathe deep, knowing all too well where all the blood was going. He could still feel Alec touch up against his ass, but with no pressure.

“Magnus, Love?”

“Too… too fast.” Magnus had never seen Alec disheartened from being asked to slow down, and after the times at their anniversary where Alec was, if possible, more emotionally instable than now, Magnus would never fear telling him the truth.

“Alright.” Alec leaned in to kiss Magnus slowly. Pressing the belly tight between them. Alec placed a second short kiss on Magnus’s lips before sitting up again. “Backtrack?”

Only one time when Alec was new to this, had they needed to take a step back. Magnus shook his head and smiled as clear as he could while getting ready for building up to what he hadn’t come half way down from yet. “Just slower.”

Alec nodded and slid his hand slowly from Magnus’s face over his torso and down to lift the other leg up. Magnus rested his head back and when Alec moved again his body was overtaken by waves of warm and cold needles just poking the skin, not breaking it. Alec’s cock filled him slowly and just as Magnus knew it would, it fit perfectly. The slight burn was just an extra addition to everything else adding up to Magnus being unable to move.

“Love?”

Magnus nodded and opened his eyes in Alec’s direction.

“You okay?” Alec didn’t sound worried anymore. They both know that he was damn close to perfect.

Magnus smiled at Alec and closed his eyes. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

The first thrust wasn’t hard but the brush over Magnus’s prostate had the exact angle and pressure to send spasms throughout his body and force Alec to lift his second leg up over his shoulder too, just to keep inside him. The next was harder and Magnus moaned loudly, as the pace continued. For a second he thought he heard Alec’s breathing being more stained than it should, but all doubt as erased by a new deeper and stronger thrust. Magnus growled and gasped for air, feeling how his arms were flopping around in attempt to find something to hold on to.

Alec’s hand found one of his just as Magnus’s whole body trembled and his head filled with cool air.

* * *

Magnus wasn’t crying. He knew the feeling of the cool silk linen against his skin. The sound of Alec’s heart right next to Magnus’s ear was as familiar as his own mirror image. Magnus was sure Alec’s thumb was rubbing the back of his hand. But the line of water tickling his skin from his eye to his ear, couldn’t be what he thought it was. He never cried during or after sex. Alec had been close a few times over the last months, but he was pregnant and they had agreed to never speak of it unless Alec brought it up himself.

He didn’t see the smile on Alec’s face as the duvet was tugged closer around Magnus’s chin, but he heard it in the way Alec’s breathing changed. A light thumb removed the slowly running drop of water.

“Sweet love.” Alec brushed his fingers lightly through Magnus’s damp hair and kissed his forehead. “Are you okay?”

Magnus hummed quietly and nodded a little. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and like so many times before, Magnus snuggled closer to Alec’s chest, but this was not like before. The big belly making their hold on each other both awkward and more perfect. The movements in it that Magnus still found extremely weird, but couldn’t go a day without feeling. Alec’s breathing that wasn’t deep enough but still kept both him and two babies alive. And now tears. Magnus felt another taking the same path as the other.

“Hey,” Alec’ whispered and rested his chin on top of Magnus’s head. “Why are you crying?”

It wasn’t a question out of concern or confusion. Alec could just as well had asked what he wanted for dinner.

“I…” Realizing how choked up he sounded, Magnus swallowed to clear his throat. “I don’t know.”

Alec huffed. “Welcome to my world.”

Magnus smiled. Relaxing into the fingers playing in his hair, was surprised that new tears added to the wet trails on his cheek.

Alec pushed them a bit apart and leaned their foreheads against each other. “I missed that. Magnus. Thank you.”

Magnus’s lip quivered and he looked down only to make more tears escape. “I missed you too.”

Alec lifted Magnus’s face with a finger on his chin. He looked firm into Magnus’s eyes. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” Magnus smiled through the tears and took Alec’s hand in his. “It’s not it. It will never be like that. I think…” He paused and looked at their hands for a second. Alec’s thumb grazing in a slight curve over the back of Magnus’s hand, as if it was programmed to do it as soon as they touched each other. “I think I missed normal.”

“You don’t anymore?” Alec asked, slightly confused.

Magnus shook his head with a smile. “No. This is it. Normal.” Magnus tugged himself close to Alec and sighed into the embrace Alec’s arms made around him. “Sure there’s more now. More to deal with. Good and… less fun. More to look out for, more than just us. We’ve always made our own normal. I guess I needed a reminder that we can still do that.”

“So, you’re crying because you’re happy, that I was so horny I almost hurt you?”

Magnus flicked a finger on Alec’s nipple, watching him jump and cover his chest with a fast hand. Slowly, Magnus took the hand away and kissed his nipple softly, feeling Alec shiver and relax at the same time. “Don’t you know that has always made me happy?”

* * *

Eight nights, and more than twice that many bizarre dreams later, Alec was again in one of the exam rooms in the Cave’s medical center. Alec had always felt more at ease at the medical ward in New York, but since the last checkup, where he entered the last trimester and Catarina had outlawed portals, Alec was confined to Alicante. Magnus was right next to him as usual and when Catarina rolled over on her small chair, it was more as a routine than anything else, that their hands found each other.

“So, how are you doing?” Catarina asked with a smile and folded her hands in her lap.

“Tired, I guess,” Alec said with his own smile, though less eased.

At 32 weeks, Alec was downright miserable. Half the time he was sweating excessively and it always resulted in a headache. The_ practice_ contractions felt less and less as practice and the acupuncture didn’t do much for his swollen ankles and backache anymore.

Catarina looked at Magnus for a second before moving a bit closer to Alec. Alec didn’t want to hide anything from her, but he was sure she already knew everything anyway.

“Have you felt anything outside what we’ve already covered?”

Alec shook his head. He’d been prepared for it all. Catarina had made sure that they both knew everything.

“Good. Now, what is bothering you most? You look like you’re not getting enough sleep.”

Alec sighed and straightened his back a bit more to open his airways. “Well, it fells like they are taking turns using my bladder as a punching bag. So, I’m up a lot. But it’s really the breathing that is bothering me. Most of the time it feels like they’re pushing my lungs up through my throat. Especially when I lie down.”

“Is it better when you’re on your side?” Catarina asked as she stood up and got the stethoscope from the small cart.

“A little, but it’s still hard to sleep for long. Even with the mask.” Alec followed her with his eyes as she walked passed him, and only realized that he needed to do something when Magnus started on the top button of Alec’s shirt.

The stethoscope wasn’t cold. Catarina always warmed everything with her magic. Alec was sure it was because she thought he was nervous, and it would make him feel a little less uneasy. He appreciated not being touched with cold metal, but he wasn’t nervous about the exams anymore. He was always a little on edge about possibly learning something new that could be a problem, but the exam in itself didn’t bother him. Alec looked up at Magnus and squeezed his hand. Magnus hated the exams. Even before Magnus had told him, Alec knew that Magnus always felt uneasy and nervous when Alec was on that table. They both knew he was scared that Alec would freak out like he’d done before, but no matter how calm and collected Alec was, it didn’t lessen Magnus’s concern for him.

“Your lungs don’t have a lot of room.” Catarina sat down in front of Alec again, and changed the stethoscope out for the cuff for measuring blood pressure. “You should still be able to get enough oxygen with the mask though. You might need to use it a few times during the day too.”

Alec nodded and felt Magnus’s surprised eyes burn into his skin. Alec hated that mask. He hadn’t exactly been quiet about that. But Alec knew that he needed it, and he could just as well agree, when he knew that arguing might take up all the air he had and he’d end up on the floor. He would end up with the mask on anyway.

Alec kept his eyes away from Magnus’s gaze as Catarina checked his blood pressure too, though never letting go of his hand.

“Your blood pressure is good. Really good for what you’re going through, actually.”

Magnus’s hand tightened around Alec’s and Alec looked up at him with a smile before turning his attention back to Catarina.

“What about my lungs? Will it get worse?”

“As the babies grow they will only take up more room. We’ve talked about it; a woman’s pelvis would allow the baby to drop a bit and make more room. You are stuck with them where they are till you give birth and since there’s two, it will only get more difficult to breathe.”

Magnus sat down next to Alec and took his other hand too. “What do we do about it?! There’s five weeks left!”

“First off, Magnus. We’re not going to panic.” She rolled close to them and held Magnus’s shoulder firmly, looking him in the eyes. “We can make it work. Besides, I know you’re going for 37 weeks, but I’m telling you it won’t happen. Not with twins in an already too small space.”

Alec couldn’t hide the small gasp crossing his lips and Magnus clearly didn’t even try to hide why he suddenly wrapped his arm around Alec’s shoulders and pulled him close. Alec had read that the average length of twin pregnancies was just short of 37 weeks. He wasn’t sure why he needed to read it in three different books when Catarina had already told him.

Catarina wrapped both her hands around Magnus and Alec’s grip on each other and looked at Alec. She still smiled as if there was nothing wrong in the world. “Alec, Dear. You can’t have them in there for that long anyway. Honey, let’s take a look at them and I can give you a better answer about when.”

Alec looked at Magnus, but he didn’t look like he knew what to ask, so Alec filled his lungs the best he could and tried not to sound to scared. “Will she be ready?”

Magnus tensed up and hugged Alec tighter, and Alec felt as if he should have been the one wrapped around Magnus, and not the other way round.

Catarina stood up and moved the small pillow up, gesturing for Magnus to stand and Alec to lie down. “She has a better chance than before, you know that. Let me check how big they are first. Can you lie on your back while I measure you?”

Alec nodded and let Magnus support him as he laid down on his back, letting the full weight of the babies press on the bottom of his lungs. Catarina was quick to measure the length from the point where Alec’s chest and belly met and to where the belly stopped over his pubic bone. She grabbed Alec’s arm and pulled him up to sit as soon as she was done. For a few seconds both her and Magnus held a shoulder each and just waited for Alec to catch his breath.

“I’m good,” Alec breathed out.

“_Sure_.” Magnus rubbed his back. “You haven’t been on your back for weeks and now you’re suddenly _good_, even though you’re panting.”

Alec breathed a bit deeper and took Magnus’s hand to kiss. “I just meant that I wasn’t passing out.”

Magnus smiled and kissed Alec’s cheek as Catarina wrote something down and pulled over the ultrasound. Magnus reached under the exam table to elevate the head end, but Alec took his hand and made him pause. Looking in Magnus’s eyes and just moving a bit down to make room, Alec made him understand. Alec was the most relaxed half lying down when he was leaning against Magnus. Alec had never thought that one of the many things they would have to learn, was how to fit themselves into each other’s hold so Alec could breathe better, but over the last week they had perfected just that as a natural progression of the pregnancy.

Magnus sat up behind Alec pulled him back to lean against his chest. Alec wrapped his arm loosely around Magnus’s bent leg and laid his other hand on top of Magnus’s on the middle of his chest. Catarina didn’t address the new way of going through this procedure. Professionally, as always, she went about with what she needed to check and then turned on the sound. Alec felt the babies kick and roll around hundred times a day and knew by their movements who was who, but the sound of the heartbeats was something else. It was the top of every exam, actually the only thing he looked forward to every time. He squeezed Magnus’s hand, breathed in deep and closed his eyes. He didn’t need anything but that sound, he didn’t _want_ anything but that sound until he could lie eyes on their little ones. He felt Magnus nod and the sound was turned down. Alec only hid the sound of the slightly panicked gasp from Catarina. Magnus had felt it and quickly placed a kiss on his temple.

Alec opened his eyes and looked at Catarina, who was concentrating on the screen. Magnus’s one hand buried itself in Alec’s hair, drawing small circles on his scalp with his thumb. They both waited in silence, no need to ask; Catarina would let her know whether or not they wanted her to in a minute.

Catarina turned off the screen and handed Alec a paper towel to wipe off his belly. Before Alec was done she sat on the edge of the table, next to Alec’s knees. “Everything is going forward as it should. Both of them have a good size, roughly the same.”

She looked at Magnus’s and Alec’s joined hands and Alec let go, letting her take Magnus’s. “Darling, I know you want to know, but I can’t see his mark yet. If it’s a color, like yours or mine, we won’t be able to see it on an ultrasound. But he’s definitely doing a great job. The girl’s lungs are getting better still. She’s doing her best to catch up.”

Alec let out a sigh that left him dizzy for a moment and Magnus’s arm tightened around him. Catarina connected Magnus’s and Alec’s hands again and held them with both of hers. “Alec, Dear? Do you have any questions?”

Alec nodded, and shifted a bit, just to make himself a bit more time before speaking. “When… How long till they come? Will she…?” Alec felt the upper parts of his lungs contract too.

“Catch up?” Catarina asked to confirm the question asked. Alec nodded and hung on tighter to Magnus’s arms and leg.

“I won’t promise you that, Alec.” She moved closer and cupped his cheek, making him look at her smiling eyes. “Remember when we talked about that she might not be strong enough that we could help her after birth?”

Alec locked his jaw and barely moved his head as he nodded once.

“She will be now. A few more weeks like this and we can help her with magic.”

“How long?” Alec pushed himself up a bit and Magnus followed, still rubbing his scalp with slightly shaking fingertips.

“I would love to say 36 weeks, but realistically; with the lack of space and that they are both slightly above average size for their age and that the Braxton Hicks contractions are as frequent as you say, I think we should aim for 35.”

“That’s only three weeks from now!” Magnus stilled his movements but strengthened his hold on Alec.

“It is.” Catarina stood to get the clipboard from before. Alec followed her closely and when she sat on the chair next to the exam table, Alec swung his legs over and sat up straight, breathing a bit easier from it.

She turned a sheet and found an empty page to write on as she spoke. “The next weeks you will be getting plenty of rest. No training, no long walks and no working for more than an hour at a time.”

She looked up at Alec but he wasn’t going to object. He kept his eyes on her writing and nodded, ready to accept any rule that would keep their babies in there for just an hour longer.

“We’ll do the injections to boost the development of their lungs in two weeks from now.”

Alec felt Magnus’s hand tighten a bit on his shoulder, but Alec just covered the hand with his own, hoping that it could tell his husband that it wasn’t important how much he despised the thought of needles. He’d handled worse and he could always freak out later if it took hold of him, but right now it wasn’t a priority.

“You have to use the oxygen when you’re lying or sitting. I’ll get you a small thing to put under your nose so you don’t have to use the mask all day.”

“What if…?” Magnus stopped himself, but Catarina seemed to have understood and put the board down next to Alec and sat in front of the two men. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” She moved a bit closer and made sure Alec was looking at her before continuing. “You will feel it if you’re not getting enough air and if you’re sleeping, you will wake from it. I’m sure the feeling has already woken you up more than once without it being a real problem?”

Alec nodded. He’d woken up lots of times, feeling like he was suffocating only to realize that he could breathe okay if he just turned a little.

“Your lungs not filling completely for a long time does make for another thing we need to think about. You can still breathe in deep and fill them I heard that before. So I want you to set an alarm for three hours every time you use the oxygen. When the time is up, you have to sit up straight or stand and breathe deep. Fill your lungs completely a few times, okay?”

Alec nodded, not sure how he was going to survive the next weeks with all of this. Catarina took Magnus’s shoulder. “Magnus. You have to make sure he wakes up at night too. We don’t want a case of pneumonia on top of this.”

Magnus’s hands gathered around both of Alec’s in a firm hold. Alec wasn’t sure if he should feel more safe from all the plans or scared by everything they had to look out for and for what could go wrong.

“Is that it?” Alec almost didn’t want to hear the answer.

Catarina nodded with a soft smile. “Yes, Honey. That’s all. And don’t be afraid to move around to do something with your day. Stress is the biggest trigger for early birth and I know you well enough that bed-rest would stress you. We’re not there and let’s not let it come to that, alright?”

Alec nodded silently and felt Magnus shift next to him. He looked questionable at his husband and saw a seldom awkwardness on his face.

“Magnus?” Catarina had picked up on the pause too.

“Ehm. You said no training…”

Magnus looked down at their four hands in Alec’s lab and Alec couldn’t help but chuckle a little at how weird this was for Magnus. Catarina had been Alec’s doctor for months now, she was the one who suggested the toys. She’d kept her promise not to talk about their sex-life again, and Alec _would_ prefer that it would stay that way, but this harmless question didn’t bother him. Catarina smiled at Alec when he finally looked at her. As if she needed his confirmation that this was what it was about or that it was okay to answer, she didn’t talk until Alec nodded at her.

“Yeah, Magnus. I did. No exercise of _any_ kind. Nothing more than a walk around the block.”

Alec sighed, not that he had had the energy the last week or so, but he would have liked to have the option. He smiled and squeezed Magnus’s hands. “_You_ can still go for a jog anytime you want.”

Magnus looked up quickly. Confused, but quickly eased up as his eyes met Alec’s smile.

* * *

Catarina was packing up a few things as Alec came back in to the room. He’d asked for a bathroom break before she would take yet another blood sample, to check on… Magnus wasn’t quite sure anymore, but it was important, otherwise Catarina wouldn’t pull Alec through that again.

Alec was doing so much better with the needles. But there was no doubt that he only barely tolerated it. How he’d gotten through those DNA tests, was still a wonder to Magnus. Alec sat down on the table and with no words he slowly took Magnus’s hand and lied down on his side. Getting dizzy from the needle was inevitable, all three of them knew that. Lying on his back was out of the question though. Magnus pulled a chair over and sat down in front of Alec’s face, burying a hand in his dark curls.

“So, Alec.” Catarina spoke from across the room. “How are your family handling that you’re not able to portal?”

Alec needed the small talk during this, especially today, since he couldn’t really see where Catarina was. Magnus smiled at the sigh Alec let out. Catarina knew just as well as them that Maryse asked Alec to stay in New York until after the birth and that Izzy had been there the day after to talk her and their mom’s case.

“Before all of this I was considering a loose quota on portals for non-emergencies. There goes a lot of time into granting portals, a lot of people could plan better and make meetings on the same day instead of on three different days. But every single one of them would have blown right through that now. Even Luke has been to the apartment four times the last two weeks.”

Catarina chuckled as she stood next to Magnus. “Getting a bit over-run at home maybe?” She took Alec’s wrist and placed his arm, palm up, on his side and hip. “This okay?”

Alec nodded and Magnus mirrored the deep breath Alec forced into his lungs as Catarina cleaned the crease of Alec’s elbow.

“You know it’s alright to ask for a day off from visitors, right?”

Even with the slightly shaking hand in Magnus’s and his face slowly turning a grayish white, Alec’s eyes were still smiling when he looked up. “I don’t want to. It’s weird. I’m tired all the time and I’ve always been great on my own, but I’ve never once wanted any of them to leave. Not even when Clary and Simon had spent half a day and I fell asleep on the couch.”

Magnus had teased Alec about that, there was no way that would have happened half a year ago. Not when Magnus wasn’t home. Alec wasn’t one to entertain for no apparent reason in the first place.

Alec jumped when Catarina moved his arm forward a little to get his hand lower. She didn’t say anything, but Magnus noticed her thumb rubbing the inside of Alec’s wrist. Magnus kissed Alec’s temple and squeezed his hand tighter. “Ready, Alexander?”

Alec smiled and then he looked up at Catarina and nodded. Magnus’s stomach churned like always. He was sure that Alec was getting the dizziness but Magnus was getting all of the nausea, just from looking at Alec that pale. “Alec.” Magnus talked loud enough that it was clear that it wasn’t only for Alec to hear. “We need to talk the birth plan over with Catarina again, with all the changes.”

Magnus know it was strange timing, he just wanted Alec to say something else than the _I’m fine_ or _it’s okay_, like all the other times. Magnus knew both were true but he still wanted Alec to talk. Alec shook his head lightly and let out the breath he was holding.

“Sure Magnus, but could you please wait a minute?” Alec spoke quietly but with almost no tremor in his voice.

Magnus smiled and shared a satisfied look with Catarina. Hers was most likely because she just took the last vial off, though.

“There; it’s gone.” Catarina bend Alec’s elbow around a ball of cotton before she left his side. “Don’t sit up too fast.”

When Alec was sitting up and his color was almost back to normal, Catarina overtook the stool from Magnus, and Magnus instinctively stood close to Alec and wrapped an arm around him.

“The birth plan.” Catarina folded her hands in her lap. “I know you want to be alone, but let’s at least go over everything again so I know you’re prepared and have everything you need. And that you know if your girl needs help.”

Magnus felt Alec’s eyes looking up at him and he sat down next to him, squeezing the arm around Alec as to tell him to answer.

“Catarina, we’ve thought about it. I don’t want you in the room, not anyone but Magnus, but…” Alec swallowed hard and rubbed his palms on his belly. “…but I do want you near. In the next room, maybe?”

Magnus rubbed Alec’s back as he stopped again. “Alexander.” Magnus’s eyes burned and he clung on to the last strand of hope that Alec could ask her this, so Magnus wouldn’t have to himself and certainly end up crying.

Alec nodded and looked at Catarina again. “When the twins are born, they will need you. We want you to be their doctor. Magnus will make sure I’m good. But he…”

Magnus concentrated hard on Alec’s hand in his and to not look at either his husband or his friend looking at him.

“_We_ will feel a lot better if you would continue to be their doctor. After too. I have my Iratze and if that’s not enough Magnus can help, but the twins. We don’t know what we’re doing and they’re… special. You are just as big a part of them being alive as we are… Catarina?”

Alec paused and Magnus held his breath to listen to the other two in the room. Alec’s, short and shallow, but strong, and Catarina’s, slow and forcefully controlled.

“Alec, Dear.” Catarina put a hand on Alec’s knee. “Of course, I’ll be there. I’ll be wherever you want me, _what_-ever you want me. If you don’t want me as a midwife or _your _doctor, I’ll be the pediatrician …” She laid her hand lightly on Magnus’s forearm, waiting, but Magnus couldn’t look up at her that moment. “…I’ll be there as your friend too, remember?”

Catarina knew that the birth was lingering at the back of Magnus’s head every second of the day. He didn’t remember telling her, but he was sure she knew.

“Alec. What are the plan?” Catarina’s hand was slowly rubbing Magnus’s lower arm.

Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus’s shoulders and Magnus moved his own arm down around Alec’s lower back.

“Only Magnus will be in the bedroom with me. We can’t use magic till the babies are born so pain management from another warlock is out of the question.”

They had talked about this at length, they had both known about it from the start and even after the boy had started using magic both Alec and Magnus still felt like they should not add magic form the outside. Still, it surprised Magnus how calm and collected Alec was whenever they talked about that part.

“We want you to be in the living room with Izzy and Jace. So you can check on the babies as soon as they’re born…” Alec hugged Magnus a little tighter. “…and incase we need to ask you something.”

Magnus was sure his threshold for when he would pull Catarina in to the bedroom to help was clos to not there, compared to Alec’s, but he’d promised that Alec would be in charge and Magnus would only ask her to help, if things were getting out of control. Magnus was going to do everything he could to live up to that promise.

“Honey.” Catarina’s voice trembled a little on the word as she stood up and pushed Alec’s face up to look at her. Magnus’s wet eyes followed Alec’s gaze to a soft smile looking down at both of them. “Of course I’ll be there if that’s what you want, but if it’s too much, I can stay with your mom too and then portal in when you need me.”

“No.” The word game as a sharp gasp from Magnus’s chest. He looked down at his hand now holding on tight to Catarina’s.

“Magnus? What is it, Darling?”

Magnus looked at Alec for a short second, to see that encouraging smile he already knew would be there. Then he swallowed and stood up in front of Catarina.

“We… We’ll, _I_ want…”

“_We._” Alec interrupted and stood up too. Wrapping a supportive arm around Magnus’s back. “_We_ want you to be there. Not only because you’re the twins doctor. Because you’re family.”

Catarina took a small step back and Magnus quickly took her hand. It was weeks ago since their apartment was filled with people and she’d gotten the same message across a crowded room. It seemed to stick better this time. Magnus nodded at Alec and stood free of his arm to wrap his own around Catarina.

“You’ve been my family for centuries. That means Alec’s and the babies’ too.” Magnus held Catarina’s shoulders and looked into her glazed over eyes. “Even if you hadn’t been a doctor and saved our asses you would still need to be there. For me.”

Catarina bit her lip and nodded as she breathed in shakily through her nose. Magnus hugged her tight until they both had one of Alec’s hands on their shoulder.

“Magnus is going to see Raphael tomorrow. Maybe you should go with him?” Magnus sighed at the thought of seeing his old friend again. It’d been too long. Over a year, but between Raphael’s studies to become a priest, Magnus being the high warlock of Alicante and now the pregnancy, it had only been phone calls for too long. Alec had suggested earlier that Catarina should come with and Magnus had only become more excited from it.

“I would love to go. I haven’t seen him since your wedding.” Catarina’s face lit up and the tremble to her voice was gone in an instant. “What are _you _doing then?” She looked at Alec. “Shouldn’t we just get Raphael here?”

Alec shook his head with a smile. “I haven’t seen Jace in two days. He knows we’re seeing you today, so if I don’t invite him over tomorrow at the latest, he’ll portal in anyway.”

Magnus turned to Alec as his hand found his while Alec sat down on the table again. He was pleased for sure, but it was even more clear that Alec was tired now, and if they weren’t supposed to sleep at the Clave, they might get to walking. For a second Magnus wondered if they needed to come back here before the birth, because they might need a car. He could conjure up a car, but could he magically teach himself to drive?

He wanted to ask Catarina a few more questions about the birth and would have asked to talk to her alone, but since they were spending time the next day, he figured it could wait till Alec wasn’t there. Alec and he had planned that he should ask both Catarina and Raphael about something else too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes that's right, I'm bringing Raphael in to this. I have thought about it for a while and realized that I had to. (I can't help but love that man) I'm looking forward to writing the scene with him, Catarina and Magnus.
> 
> I've been considering setting an proximate count for chapters, but this one got so much longer than expected and split up into two (maybe three) chapters, so I decided against it. It would just change every time I post anyway. So, hang on; we're still going.


	26. Tell it as it is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Catarina visits Raphael to fill him in on everything.
> 
> Everyone is worried about Alec, since he's holding back and not talking. Jace and Magnus does what they can to relief him of stress and worry. Stress isn't good for the (very active) babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been ages since I've posted anything. I thought the lock-down of my workplace would give me time to write, but I've been working more than ever. Making sure everyone else had something to do. Planning, delegating and being available all hours, to bosses, coworkers and the kids parents (I work in a kindergarten/nursery-center). I'm not used to that kind of work. It had me beat on day three and now it has been three weeks.  
However today I started my planned vacation time and since I now really has nothing else to do I had energy to finish this chapter I've been working on for weeks.  
I hope you enjoy it, and sorry for the long wait.

Raphael’s small apartment was just as Magnus remembered it from visiting after Raphael got settled over a year ago. Still, he once again had to remind himself that Raphael was a mundane now and wasn’t living in extravagant luxury at Hotel Dumont anymore.

He looked good though, Magnus noticed as he welcomed him inside, content and at ease. Magnus's heart pounded hard in his chest as it had been all morning. During the many almost weekly phone calls with Raphael, he hadn't said anything since he mentioned that they wanted to try to adopt. Magnus wasn't sure why, but he couldn't get himself to tell Raphael. Now he had to.

“Studying agrees with you I see,” Magnus said as he sunk into the soft dark blue couch.

Raphael smiled and pushed a mug of tea across the coffee table. “And fatherhood clearly agrees with you.” He sat down and took a sip of his own mug, inspecting Magnus wondering.

“You know?”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Raphael leaned back in the armchair and held his mug in both hands. Magnus wondered how he’d lived so long without missing that smug smile. “We’ve talked almost every week. Don’t you think I’ve heard a change in your voice? Mood changes for months and you almost telling me something but holding back every time? About three or four months of that I…” He laughed shortly. “Well, I have ways of figuring out what’s going on.”

Magnus shook his head slowly, not sure what he meant. Then it dawned on him and he sighed loudly. “Simon.”

“Of course.” Raphael took another sip of his tea and put on the table. “Don’t go berating him though. I wasn’t taking no for an answer. I might not be a vampire anymore, but I think I’m still able to scare him.”

Magnus laughed. He was sure Raphael was right about that. Over the years Magnus had known him, regardless of being a vampire, Simon had grown from a scared boy into a strong man, in more than one way, but him and Raphael still had a bond. Magnus was sure Raphael would always be a mentor of sorts to Simon.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wanted to, every time we talked. I’m not sure why I couldn’t.” Magnus sighed and looked down at the tea in his hands. “Raphael, I’m sorry. You deserved to know.”

“Magnus.” Raphael moved forward in his seat and rested his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know why either, but I’ve been okay being the one you could talk about anything else with.”

Magnus looked up at Raphael’s face; there wasn’t a trace of disappointment. “That might some of it,” Magnus said quietly. “Our conversations gave me space to breathe. A break from it all.”

“I’m good with that.” Raphael smiled and looked right into Magnus’s eyes. “I guess I’ve played an important role then. Besides you’re here to tell me everything today. That’s why Catarina will be here in a second to, right?”

“She misses you. You should have seen her face when I asked her to come.” Magnus let out a silent laugh as he thought of the light in her eyes the day before. “But what do you know?” Magnus needed to get everything in order, and fast; Simon didn’t know everything. “Have you talked to Catarina too?”

Raphael shook his head. “Only Simon, but I know that it can’t be more than a month before Alec has the twins.” His smile faded a slightly but, the light was still very present in his eyes. “I know there’s been a problem with your little girl, but I understand she’s doing better?”

“She is,” Magnus said quickly. A heavy stone suddenly formed in Magnus’s stomach; Raphael had known about the pain and fear he and Alec had gone through but couldn’t ask about it or do anything to help. He’d been alone with it. “She’ll be okay. Strong enough that we can help her after birth if we have to. I’m sorry. I should have called you.”

Raphael reached over and placed a firm hand on Magnus’s upper arm. “Stop, okay? I knew what you were going through was horrible, but if I’d heard on your voice, or from Simon, that you weren’t handling it, I would have hogtied a random warlock and forced them to portal me to you.”

“I’m sure you would have,” Magnus said silently but with a smile building over the words.

“And your boy is good?”

The stone in Magnus’s stomach rolled over and he froze. The boy. It made sense that Magnus had needed someone to talk to about something else, but even more sense came from that, Magnus’s boy, had been Raphael for so long. Now Raphael was mortal and Magnus was having kids of his own.

“Magnus?” Raphael looked slightly worried when Magnus’s eyes found his. “Is everything alright with the boy?”

Magnus nodded and smiled. “Yeah, yes. He’s good.”

“Then what is it?”

Magnus shook his head and wasn’t sure if it was the whole situation or Alec’s hormones rubbing off on him making him say it flat out as it was. “You’ll always be like a son to me, you know that right?”

Raphael paused and then smiled and squeezed Magnus’s shoulder in a tight grip. “Hey. You need rest. You’re making things up. Don’t you ever think that I’m anything but thrilled for you and Alec. You’ve done so much more for me than anyone I’ve ever met. I owe you everything.”

Magnus breathed a bit easier from the words, he smiled lightly at Raphael. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“I do. And you deserve this.” Raphael’s smile widened. “So when is the birth? Simon wasn’t sure yesterday.”

“Yesterday, huh?”

Raphael sat back nodding, clearly satisfied that he could still surprise Magnus.

“Three to four weeks. Catarina says it will be closer to three, but I’m going to force bedrest on Alec two weeks from now. Even if it means that I have to sit next to him all day around.”

Raphael sighed as he shook his head. “Good luck. That’s going to be hell on earth for both of you.”

“Oh, I know,” Magnus said just as a buzzing started behind Raphael. Within seconds, Catarina was standing in the room with the portal closing behind her.

“Raphael.” She just stood there, staring at him, but not for long before Raphael had his arms around her.

“Come sit.” He pulled her over to sit in the chair and poured her a mug of tea before he sat down next to Magnus.

Catarina and Raphael had known each other through Magnus since Raphael was turned, but never spent much time in the same room. Magnus had always known that they watched out for one another, but never quite understood it until he felt the same respect and responsibility for Jace. They both understood how important the other was to Magnus, just as he and Jace was to Alec.

“Are you getting caught up?” Catarina said with her steaming mug in front of her mouth.

Magnus didn’t give Raphael time to answer. “Would you know? He already knows everything. You won’t guess who have been feeding him information for months.”

Catarina all but sprayed the hot tea over the coffee table, laughing. “So, the sire-bond is still there?”

Raphael shook his head. “Not like that, but it’s still me, and it’s still Simon. Just to clarify, I forced it out of him.”

“Okay.” Catarina cleared her throat from a drop of tea not sitting right after the laughter. “So, this is just a social call then?” She looked at Magnus, as if she knew that he had something to say.

Magnus put his tea on the table and looked at Catarina. “I have a few things I would like to talk with you about when Alec isn’t here.” He turned in his seat so he could look straight at Raphael as at Catarina. “But first, Alec and I have something we wanted to ask of both of you.”

Raphael frowned and looked quickly at Catarina. He followed her gaze back to Magnus with a smile. “Anything. You know that.”

“I do.” Magnus hoped his smile and forced ease to his words would erase the slight concern on both of their faces. It didn’t so he decided to say it quick. “Do you know the names?” Magnus looked at Raphael, who shook his head in silence.

“Okay. They’re Amien Jace and Maria. We wanted to name them something meaningful and when we learned that Maria had the same meaning as Maryse it was an obvious choice. We never thought of giving them two names, but Alec didn’t feel right about using Jace as a first name when it wasn’t changed at all, and we’d both underlined Amien in one of the books, so AJ it is.”

Magnus made a short break to breathe deep and then moved forward on his seat. “We’ve talked it over and we would love if the two of you would chose Maria’s middle name.”

Catarina sat up straight and had Magnus’s eyes locked in a hold he wasn’t sure he should break before she did. “Us. Why? Don’t you want to figure that out on your own?”

She blinked and looked down at Raphael’s hand quickly squeezing her forearm. He didn’t let go even as she looked at him smiling at her. “Of course we will. We’ll be honored to.”

He looked at Magnus and Catarina’s eyes followed. “Yes, obviously we will be honored. Thank you so much.” Catarina placed her hand on Raphael’s and they both nodded at each other before they let go and she brushed a single tear away before it let completely go of her lashes.

“When will you need to know?” Raphael was already showing the tension in the back of his jawline, as he did every time he was thinking.

“Not until before the name giving ceremony. Hey…” Alec took his shoulder. “Anything you chose will be perfect.”

“I guess we better talk with each other more than once every half a year then.” Catarina seemed to have calmed down a little and leaned back, drinking her tea.

Magnus chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure we can’t wait that long.” Raphael and Catarina wasn’t friends who checked in on each other if there wasn’t a reason. He knew Raphael had called Catarina about six months ago after a stubborn flu went in to the third week but he didn’t think they’d talked since that. They were just as good together as if they had seen each other just last week though.

“There’s one thing more.” Magnus sighed. He hated talking about it, even thinking about it had his stomach curl up. “Catarina, I know we asked Izzy and Simon to be the God-parents, but I need you to be there too.” He looked at Raphael. “Both of you, but…”

Catarina prompted him to start speaking again. “Of course we want to be a part of their lives but what is it you can’t get out?”

“I’m not supposed to say anything, but Izzy told Alec that Simon is planning to ascend. They’re not sure how yet, since he’s a vampire, but if they manage he will be a shadowhunter… a mortal. So if I…” Magnus swallowed deep and folded his damp hands in his lap. “After Alec…” His voice disappeared and the last was only air.

“Magnus…” Catarina paused and Magnus looked up at her. There wasn’t anything for her to say.

“Just promise me that if I’m not here either, you will be.”

Catarina nodded slowly. “Of course, Magnus. You don’t have to ask that.”

Raphael shifted in his seat to look at Magnus. “Are you thinking about that often?”

Magnus smiled and sat back in his seat. Words came easier now. “No, Alec and I doesn’t talk much about the future and there’s no need to. It’s just different when there’s kids in the picture.”

“Good. You have all the time.” Raphael put his empty mug on the table and looked at the other two. “More tea?” He filled Catarina’s mug and sat the pot down as Magnus shook his head.

It had been a mystery to Magnus how Raphael had handled being a mortal so gracefully. At first he was sure Raphael was hiding how much he was hurting, but there was no trace of that in any of the phone calls. He always talked with passion about his studies and new life. Magnus had seen Raphael hurt, confused and scared when he got turned into a vampire, this wasn’t it. Eventually Magnus realized that this was how Raphael was always meant to live his life. It had just been on a very long pause, a pause Magnus was proud and glad to have been able to help Raphael overcome.

“How is Alec?” Raphael asked, clearly desperate to change the subject, maybe to not end with tears in his eyes like Catarina. He hadn’t looked at her since he saw her struggling holding back.

Magnus sighed and looked at Catarina for a second. He was sure she already knew. “He’s doing great. I mean, it’s a lot to take. Having to wake up at night to breathe to prevent pneumonia, on top of everything else. Then there’s the thought of the birth... But he’s handling it all.”

“As I knew he would,” Raphael said with a smile.

“Magnus?” Catarina had put her mug down and looked only at him. “What is it? I saw you hesitate yesterday, can you say it now.”

Magnus looked down and shook his head lightly with a smile. Of course she would be able to detect everything, she always could. He looked up and looked quickly at a slightly worried Raphael before turning back to Catarina.

“He’s scared. He pretend not to be. I’m not sure if it’s to protect me or that he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, but he’s scared about the birth.”

Catarina nodded to herself and didn’t look surprised at all. “How do _you_ feel about the birth?”

Magnus’s chest tightened and he swallowed deep to get room for the air he needed. “I don’t know… It doesn’t matter. I’ll just have to be there and help, Alec is the one who will go through everything in that book.”

“I know, Magnus.” Catarina said and leaned forward to get better eye-contact. “But I’m asking how _you_ are with it all?”

“I’d be better if he wasn’t avoiding every conversation that could possibly end up in talking about the pain. He’s okay with talking about the plan, the facts, but not the pain or if he’s scared or even nervous.”

Raphael cleared his throat and looked at Catarina, then Magnus. “I don’t know what that book says about it all, but from what Simon said, it’s that which you have followed to get this far.”

Magnus nodded, and Raphael continued. “But wasn’t that written in the 16th century?”

“Yeah. 1502,” Magnus said quietly.

“Okay.” Raphael looked at Catarina. “But don’t we have other options than back then. I mean I don’t know when c-section became a thing, but I reckon that it wasn’t as safe as it is now.”

Catarina smiled slightly at him. Raphael hadn’t heard Alec talk about the birth and wanting to follow the book almost religiously. She sighed and looked close to remorseful. “I mentioned once that a c-section in his case wasn’t as straight forward as a normal one. It would take hours scanning to know where the big blood vessels are, a male body isn’t made with room for a uterus. It’s possible, but Alec didn’t want that.”

She looked at Magnus shortly and he tried his best to smile encouragingly. It wasn’t her fault that Alec was the most stubborn person they both had met in their long lives.

“It _is_ always safer with a natural birth,” Catarina continued, she breathed deep and locked eyes with Magnus. “You both wanted that, right?”

Magnus smiled at her and then talked to Raphael. “Yeah. Safety has always been the goal, and no matter how much I’ve hated every time where magic could have eased his discomfort or pain, we’ve both agreed that we didn’t want that.”

Raphael seemed to understand but, in his true style, he kept digging for solutions. “But how about painkillers then? That can’t possibly hurt him or the babies, right?”

Catarina looked at Magnus, clearly waited for him to answer it. She had disagreed on that from the beginning, Magnus had too, but he had had to follow Alec’s wishes as far as he could. “Alec doesn’t trust them. He doesn’t want it in his body as long as the twins can get affected from it. We’ve tried explaining that it won’t hurt them. Maybe that’s part of the reason he won’t talk about it.”

Magnus paused and moved forward again, looking at Catarina. “I wanted to talk to you about that.” Magnus swallowed and looked down. “I won’t ever force it on him, you know that, but I would feel better about the whole thing if he has the option just in case.”

Catarina stood up and when Raphael pulled his legs closer to the couch she sat down on the coffee table in front of Alec. She placed a light hand on his shoulder. “I know you would never do that. But we can prepare something if he changes his mind. I’m sure he would feel better from knowing that he has the option too.”

“No.” Magnus looked up and saw the surprise on both Raphael’s and Catarina’s faces. “He can’t know. I don’t want him to worry that I’ll make him do it. He has enough to think about.”

Raphael took Magnus’s other shoulder. “Magnus,” he tried.

“No.” Magnus shook his head. “We’re not telling him.”

Catarina and Raphael both, slowly, took their hands of him and sat back. “Okay,” Catarina said quietly but determined enough that Magnus was sure she would keep her word. Magnus only noticed his hand shaking on his knee, when Catarina placed hers lightly on top. “But what about Alec? Three weeks is a long time to be scared like that, if he’s not talking.”

Magnus folded her hands around hers and nodded before he talked with forced hope and confidence. “Jace is visiting today. I’m sure he can force something out of him when I’m not there.”

In the beginning it had hurt him indescribable when Alec closed down to him and talked to Jace, but by now he knew that Jace and Alec had _their_ connection and Alec and himself had another. Alec had chosen to talk to Magnus and hid from Jace, just as often. It wasn’t a competition anymore, it was teamwork. Just like he himself would go to Catarina and Raphael with different challenges.

* * *

Jace wasn’t known for showing up early unless it was for a hunt, so Alec hadn’t prepared Anthony for the possibility that a portal would open in the living room when he’d left Alec alone in the bedroom to relax.

Alec heard the buzzing and then a cup shattering on the floor. He almost sat up but the heat and dull pressure on his back increased and reminded him that he shouldn’t move from his side.

“Who are you?” Jace’s confusion carried clear through the half open door. “Where’s Alec?”

Alec pulled the oxygen mask down. “Jace,” he called overbearingly. “Leave Anthony alone.”

Jace was in the doorway in a second. “Alec?”

Alec tugged the duvet closer under his arm. “Yeah, get a chair and settle down.”

Alec put on the mask and followed Jace with his eyes and couldn’t help but laugh as he saw the look on his parabatai’s face change from confusion to embarrassment.

“Anthony…?” Jace noted quietly. “He’s the vampire who has been helping?”

“He is, and from I just heard, you just had him drop his tea.” Alec smiled, trying to hide how much he hated how his voice sounded through the mask.

“Well, to my defense, I didn’t know you would have company, and it’s not like a portal has a doorbell.”

Alec shook his head against the pillow and sighed. He should have called Jace instead. “Did you even open the text or did you just read the top line?”

“You wrote you had time today…” Jace picked his phone from his pocket and looked at the screen.

“Did you open it?” Alec asked again.

Jace looked up at Alec, clearly just having read the part that Anthony would be done at 10 am. He smiled to himself and shook his head at Alec. “Sorry.”

“Say that to Anthony.” Alec laughed.

Jace nodded with confirmation and then almost scanned Alec from top to bottom. “You alright?”

“I’m just fine.” Alec looked at the clock on the bedside table. “Can you get Anthony in here? I can cut it short today.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Jace, it’s five minutes.” Alec nodded towards the door and Jace got up and sent Anthony in.

* * *

Anthony and Jace had exchanged short words before he’d left and Alec walked into the living room. Jace knew that Alec had been sleeping with the mask for a while now, but hadn’t seen it and he didn’t know that Alec was wearing a nasal cannula every our of the day now. Alec felt Jace’s eyes boring into him as he sat down in the recliner and attached the tubing to the small tank next to it. Catarina had given him a tank, small enough that he could carry it around, and he would when he needed to walk a bit around or had things to do around the apartment, but Magnus had conjured up five more tanks, placed strategically around their place so Alec could just walk from one to the other.

“I’m not sick or in any kind of risk. It’s just that my lungs don’t have room enough.”

Jace shook his head. “How is that going to make me feel better?”

Alec didn’t know how to answer that. Of course it wasn’t really a reassurance, besides he’d might as well jump in the deep end and get Jace talking about what he was bound to have picked up on over the last week. “You got here in a hurry today.”

“Yeah. You saw Catarina yesterday. Is everything alright?”

“It is,” Alec said with confidence.

“So why…” Jace frowned and pushed himself at bit forward on the couch. “You always feel better after she confirms that you’re fine. Why are you still freaking out?”

Alec looked down at his hand slowly rubbing his belly. It had become a reflex whenever he had nothing else to use his hands for. It was embarrassing to talk to Jace about the birth. Not the graphics, he didn’t need to do that anyway. No, Alec had never been scared like this, when the odds had been this much in his favor.

“Alec?” Jace caught Alec’s eyes as he looked up. “Spill it.”

Alec sighed loudly. “It’s the birth. Everything is fine, it’s safe, but… we’re getting closer.”

“You’re scared something will go wrong?”

“No. Not really. Not anymore.” Alec watched Jace get more and more confused, how was he going to explain this to his parabatai, his little brother? “We’ve planned everything, thought of everything and Catarina will be in the living room too. It’s…” He swallowed and slowly wrapped both arms around his belly.

“It’s the pain, isn’t it?” Jace talked quietly but secure of his words.

Alec sighed and nodded.

“Have you talked to Magnus about it?”

“No.” Alec straightened his back looked Jace directly in the eyes. “I haven’t, and you would tell him.” The words came out faster than intended and for a second the brothers just looked at each other.

“I won’t. You know that, but you should.”

“No, he’s got enough on his mind. He can’t help me with that either way. He’ll…” Alec breathed deep from the thought.

“He’ll what, Alec? You have to make me understand why you won’t talk about this to the one person you want in the room with you.”

“He’ll have to hurt me. Not only from what we’ve already sat in motion, but he’ll have to physically hurt me. He can’t know that I’m freaking out. He already feel bad enough about it.”

Jace let out a short sigh. He walked to sit on the coffee table in front of Alec and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. Alec felt his eyes on his skin and gathered will enough to look up at Jace.

“You two has the worst case of mutually-overprotecting-each-other’s-feelings I’ve ever seen. It’s worse than the two of us. Alec…” Jace lowered his head a little to get better eye-contact. “Don’t you think he already knows?”

Alec pulled back and shook his head. “Magnus had no way of knowing. They hadn’t even talked about it for weeks. It had only been facts and plans.” He looked up at Jace who seemed strongly confident in his statement.

“Listen…” Jace sat up straight and gathered his hands in his lap. “Think it over. He’d pushed the visit with Raphael for three days. Making sure we would be alone today.”

Alec shook his head. He’d hidden it, hadn’t he? “Magnus wanted to wait till after the checkup yesterday. He wanted Catarina to join him.”

“And he couldn’t have called her? Don’t you think it’s more likely that he waited because you wanted to wait with seeing me?”

Jace was right, of course he was. Alec had tried to avoid talking about the pain; brushing it off with that they didn’t need to talk about what they couldn’t control. Thinking back to every time, he remembered Magnus’s overbearingly look and small sighs as if he surrendered in a fight didn’t even exist.

Alec’s eyes welled up and he looked down, quickly trying to blink the water away.

“Alec,” Jace tried quietly. “You’re working. From home, I see that, but still; you’re working. Magnus is too, I’m guessing?”

Alec tried swallowing the lump in his throat, still looking down fighting his burning eyes. “We can’t just walk around in the apartment for four weeks. We’ll go insane.”

“It’s not my point.” Jace took Alec’s shoulder lightly. “Stress isn’t good for you. If you’re struggling with this on your own while working and missing him when he’s away…”

Alec lifted his head a little but didn’t look at Jace.

“Don’t deny it. I feel it. You’ve always wanted him near, even when you were busy yourself, but the last few months it’s out of proportion. My point is that, if you are dealing with all that and then trying to keep a secret from Magnus on top of it, you’re going to over exhaust yourself.”

“So what do you suggest?” Alec looked up, forgetting about hiding the tears now running. “That I tell him that I’m scared of a pain that’s not dangerous, a pain he had no choice in inflicting on me?”

“Yes.” Jace wrapped his other hand around Alec’s on his belly. “That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. When will he be home?”

* * *

Jace stood up from the couch on the balcony as soon as they heard Magnus walk through the door. Magnus had started to portal into the street below not to wake Alec up in case he was sleeping. Alec didn’t move from the chair. The twins seemed to have a wrestling match and he had just gotten his oxygen sat up next to him, besides, Jace was clearly going to let Magnus know where they were.

“Hi Jace.” Magnus sounded surprised as Jace walked in to great him in the living room. “You’re still here?”

“Yeah but I’ll be leaving soon. Now you’re home.”

Alec sighed and rubbed a bit harder on the side of his belly, hoping that the girl would calm down soon and let her brother and him relax.

“Is everything alright?” Magnus seemed suddenly concerned. Alec knew Jace would set off the protectiveness with those words. Jace didn’t know that Magnus hated leaving Alec as much as Alec hated being without him.

“He’s fine.” Jace stepped to the side and made room in the door. “But you two need to sit down and talk.”

It was weird hearing Jace say those words. Alec was sure he was just reciting something he’d been told countless of times himself. Magnus seemed surprised by the statement too, as he stood in the doorway looking from one brother to the other.

Alec sighed and then, with a smile, reached his hand out for Magnus to take. “How was it to see Raphael?”

Magnus took his hand and kissed it. “Good. He’s really good, I think. He wanted to be in New York with your mom too, when the time is.” He kissed Alec quickly on the lips and sat down in the chair next to him, still holding his hand.

Alec rubbed his thumb firmly over the back of Magnus’s palm. He knew that Magnus had felt like he’d neglected, or maybe even abandoned, Raphael the last two years. It was good to see him throw all of that away. “What did they say?”

Magnus chuckled. “What do you think?”

Alec smiled and Magnus leaned in for another small kiss.

“I’m sure I don’t need to be here for all of…” Jace held up his hand as to make a bit of distance to Alec and Magnus. “…that.”

“Magnus do you mind?”

Magnus stood up and gave Jace a quick hug before opening a portal. Jace took Magnus’s shoulder and looked him in the eyes before looking past him and locking his gaze on Alec. “You tell him everything.”

The portal closed after Jace and Alec was left looking only at a deeply concerned Magnus. Alec smiled, hoping to lighten the mood a little. “How long do you think it’ll be before he’ll be back?”

Magnus forced a little smile. “How’s he doing with not hunting?”

“Horrible.” Alec laughed. “He tries to make it seem like it’s not a big deal, but he’s bored out of his mind and restless. He only have this pregnancy on his mind, since it’s that keeping him from working. I wouldn’t be surprised if he moved in here in a few days.”

Magnus sighed and shook his head, but Alec knew that Magnus would let anyone stay here if it would make Alec’s days just a little less tedious.

Alec gasped shortly for air and looked down on his hands, unsuccessfully trying to calm the babies. Magnus quickly pulled the other chair closer and sat down with his knees against Alec’s.

“Alexander?” He put his hands lightly on top of Alec’s.

“They’re just really active right now.” Alec placed Magnus’s hand under his and pressed it firmly on where their boy had just kicked. It felt like the girl stretched out completely and the body kicked again, directly into Magnus’s hand. Alec tried to hide that all his air seemed to have left his lungs, but heaved in air loudly as soon as there was room for it.

Magnus had felt it before and seen how it impacted Alec’s breathing every time. Alec had come to adore the look of mixed love for the kids and concern for Alec that rushed over Magnus’s face every time. Magnus rubbed Alec’s belly and leaned in close to it. “Shh, little ones. Let your dad breathe for a moment.”

Alec felt his smile widen even more. Maybe it was supposed to feel weird or embarrassing, but from the first word Magnus had talked to the babies, Alec had loved it. He brushed his hand through Magnus’s hair and down his neck. Slowly he lifted Magnus’s face up to look him in the eyes.

“I love you.”

Magnus frowned for a second, but then smiled and kissed Alec’s hand as he sat up. “I love you too, Alexander.” He held on tight to Alec’s hand and looked him in the eyes. “What was Jace talking about? What is it you need to tell me?”

Alec just wanted to tell Magnus that he loved him again. He didn’t want to hurt him. It would be easier if he just dealt with this alone, but Jace was right; he _was_ using a lot of energy on thinking about this, and avoiding talking about it.

“Alexander.” Magnus put his elbows on his knees and gathered both hands around Alec’s. “Is it the pain?”

Everything but Magnus’s warm brown eyes and the sound of his own breathing disappeared. He knew. Just like Jace had said.

“It is, isn’t it?” Magnus moved a bit closer. “It’s okay, Cariño.”

Alec instinctively shook his head slowly, but had nothing to say. It wasn’t okay. He’d asked for this himself. He shouldn’t be feeling this way, and even though he did; he should let Magnus know. Magnus didn’t have a choice.

“I talked to Catarina.” Magnus pause but Alec had no intention of interrupting that reveal, even though he already had a good idea what Magnus had talked to her about.

“Alexander. I know you don’t want it now, but I’ve arranged to have a gas called nitrous oxide ready, it’ll help you some and it won’t…”

“Magnus.” Alec stopped him and looked him in the eyes. “I don’t want it in my body, not while they can get it too.”

It looked like Magnus was going to try and explain further, but he didn’t. “C’mon. Talk to me.” Magnus shook Alec’s hand a little. “Are you scared I’ll force pain medicine on you if you tell me that you’re scared?”

“No.” Alec held on tighter to Magnus’s hands. “No, Magnus. I know that you won’t do that. Not even though you think I’m overreacting when I don’t trust it.”

“Then what? You’re scared, I know that. You’ve been avoiding talking about it.”

“It’s not fair.” Shocked that those words came out loud, Alec looked down and tried to pull his hand back, but Magnus held on tight.

“_What_ isn’t fair? Alexander, we’ve come too far for you to struggle on your own.”

Magnus was right, of course he was, and not that Magnus already knew there wasn’t a reason to try and fake it anymore. Alec breathed in deep through his nose, getting as much of the oxygen into his lungs. “I didn’t want to tell you how much it scares me since…” Alec swallowed and felt Magnus’s hands hold his a little tighter. “Because it’s you who has to do it. You feel bad enough as it is.”

Magnus sighed and nodded slowly as he placed a light hand on the back of Alec’s neck. “I do. I absolutely hate that I has to do that to you, but I’m glad you told me.”

Alec placed his hand on Magnus’s wrist and leaned his chin against Magnus’s warm skin on his arm. Alec hadn’t noticed that it was beginning to get a bit chilly on the balcony.

Magnus sat up on the armrest, wrapped a warm arm around Alec’s shoulders and rested his chin lightly on the top of Alec’s head. “How much are you worrying about this? How scared are you?”

With no idea how to explain how pain scared him for the first time in his life, Alec just pushed himself closer to Magnus and rested his head in the crease of his neck.

Magnus took one of Alec’s hands and held it tight over Alec’s chest. “Please explain it to me. What are you picturing when you think about it?”

Alec closed his eyes and thought back to the dreams he’d had and the hours he’d spent thinking all the scenarios over. They all ended with one thing. He bit his lip quickly as he felt his chin quivering, but with Magnus’s steady moving chest next to him and his thumb rubbing small circles on Alec’s shoulder, Alec rather quickly gathered himself enough to talk.

“I hate that I don’t know how I’ll react. Everything is so different now. With the babies being a part of it, with _me_. I’m reacting different to everything.”

“Alexander…”

“It’s not it, Magnus.” Alec kissed Magnus’s hand and placed it back on his chest. He needed to say this now. He needed Magnus to be prepared. “The way I feel right now, when I think about the pictures in the book… it’s enough that I don’t know if I’ll end up begging you not to.”

As Alec paused he felt Magnus take a deep breath and then he sat up straight. With both hands Magnus lifted Alec’s face up to look him in the eyes.

“I won’t just be there to help you physically. I’ll be _with_ you. I promise I’ll get you through this.”

Alec’s eyes burned and he was sure Magnus could see him building tears. “I know, but Magnus…” He looked down, but Magnus held his face up still. “I’m scared of the pain, but I’m terrified that I’ll put you in that situation. I can’t bear that you may have to do that, while I’m begging you not to. It might hurt you more than me.”

Magnus kissed Alec’s forehead slowly and as he looked Alec in the eyes again he thumbed a tear from his cheek. “Alexander. I won’t lie and tell you that I won’t hate it. I will hate every second of it, but you don’t have to worry about me. We’ll get through it and we’ll have to beautiful babies from it.

He looked down as he placed his and Alec’s hand on Alec’s belly. “They seemed to have calmed down a bit.” Magnus’s voice was so secure and his smile so true that there was no way Alec could doubt his words.

“Yeah. Let’s see how long that lasts.”

Magnus laughed and lifted Alec’s face up again with a finger on his chin. “It’s getting closer and more real, but four weeks are still a long time to worry. You talk to me alright?”

Alec nodded with a small smile and as Magnus pulled him into his embrace again, he breathed deep without forcing it. Jace had understood it all; Alec missed Magnus every second he wasn’t with him and although he knew that they would both go insane, he sometime wished that they could just stay in the apartment, only the two of them, for the rest of the pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So only three to four weeks left. But a lot can happen in four weeks.


	27. Brother and sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's three weeks before Alec are giving birth (four weeks before the time Magnus and Alec hopes for)  
This is a lot of Jace/parabatai-bond and Alec's relationship with Izzy. I hope you're up for that.

“Why don’t you just go and see Alec?” Izzy said, before greeting Jace and Clary when they sat down at breakfast.

Jace shook his head. “What are you talking about? I was there five days ago.”

It didn’t skip his attention that Clary and Izzy shared a short smile. Of course they were both on his case. “You’re miserable. You’re irritated from the moment you see the first person except us in the morning. You only leave the institute in daylight and only for walks. If you still refuse to do anything, you might as well go help our brother.”

“So you’re suggesting that I move in?” Jace sighed and took a sip of his coffee. “And what would I do? Stack diapers and massage his feet?”

Clary laughed. “I’m sure Alec would kick you if you tried. But I think Izzy is right. Maybe you would sleep better too if you…”

“Hey,” Jace interrupted. “I’m sleeping just fine.”

“I know.” Clary took his hand and leaned against his arm. “But you’re refusing to go to bed before you know Magnus are with Alec and you wake up hours before you have to, every day.”

Jace drank more of his coffee and noticed Izzy locking eyes on him. His breakfast had been made of mostly coffee for a few weeks now. He wasn’t sleeping much, but that was by choice and not because he couldn’t. He just had to be up before Alec. He wasn’t sure why, but there was a reason he sat that alarm every night. Maybe to be ready and dressed if Alec needed him suddenly.

“Alec doesn’t need me there. I can’t stay there for three maybe four weeks anyway. I love Alec, but we’d end up killing each other.”

Izzy smiled and shook her head, she knew that it probably wouldn’t be a problem at all. The only thing that might change between them was that, right now, Alec didn’t know just how careful Jace was.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Izzy changed the subject to what they were doing that day. Jace knew that both women dragged the breakfast out for his sake, since he had hardly anything to fill his day with. Simon was already in the armory, getting ready for a hunt later that evening, so there most likely wouldn’t be any training today. Everyone would be planning and preparing.

Izzy should be there too. Being the head of the institute was a hands on job for her. No one expected her to sit back and manage, it wasn’t the Lightwood way of leading, but today she’d done just that, at least for breakfast.

Everyone else had cleared out before the three of them gathered their things and stood up. Jace had always had a purpose with his day and knew exactly what was expected of him and where he was going, but now, when everyone else was preparing for a hunt, he used a lot of time thinking about where she should go now.

They placed their trays on the counter and Jace hung back a little. He’d spend more time with the cook lately, he knew him well from when Izzy, Alec and he were kids but hadn’t had much time over the last years. Him getting reacquainted with quite a few people, was probably the only silver lining to him not really having a job.

“Are you coming?” Izzy turned in the doorway and looked back at him. “I need you to brief Simon’s group.”

“Coming.” Jace nodded goodbye to the cook and sighed, but froze where he stood as he couldn’t get his lungs filled with air again. He gasped but nothing came further than his mouth. He grabbed the counter and tried again.

“Jace?” Clary was next to him in a second. “Jace what is it?”

Not able to move any air, let alone speak, he patted his chest desperately.

“Iz. He can’t breathe!”

His sister’s hands were on his shoulder, and with Clary’s on the other, he got turned around and his ass pushed up against the edge of the counter. Scared of losing his balance and his sight, he clung on tight to the hands on his arms.

“Jace?” Izzy’s voice tore through the fog the lack of air was building around his head. “Jace, here.” She moved his own hand to his chest again and held it there. “Breathe now. One big slow one.”

Jace pushed their hands out with his chest and his lungs filled a bit from the added room. He did it again and realized that his lungs wasn’t hurt, his chest had just locked them too tight.

He saw Clary’s warm red hair in the blur in front of him. “Better?”

He nodded and took another breath. He screamed in pain and folded around the sudden sharp and deep burn on his side.

“Jace!” Clary yelled as she followed him to the floor as his knees gave in.

“It’s…” Jace tried but another burst of pain had him let out another scream.

Two steady and firm hands grabbed both his shoulders. “Hey, just nod, okay?” Izzy’s voice radiated panic. “Is it Alec?”

Jace nodded and grabbed her wrist tight. Letting out another scream with air he didn’t had, he knocked his head hard back against the counter. He gasped and, desperately trying to concentrate, he nodded again and then lifted his shirt. His parabatai rune was glowing angry red.

“Is he…?” Izzy let go of Jace’s shoulders and sat back on her heels.

“No…” Jace gasped for air. “No. He’s strong… I feel it.”

Clary gathered both hands around Jace’s and he found her eyes. Able to breathe a little more air in he shook his head. “He’s scared. He needs help.”

“It’s too soon for the birth.” Izzy stood up. “At least three weeks too early.”

“It’s not that, it’s…” Jace clung harder to Clary’s hands as the pain from the rune was getting harder to handle again. “He’s ready for the birth. It’s not it. Something’s wrong… He’s more scared than he should be.”

“I’m getting us a portal.” Izzy ran towards the door and turned just before she disappeared through it she turned around again. “Clary. Get Simon. You’re running things here. No one call mom.”

Jace nodded at Clary and let go of her hand. Clary cupped his cheek and shook her head.

“Go. It’s…” Jace pressed his hand hard onto the rune and reached up for the edge of the counter with the other. “It’s Alec. _I’m _fine.”

He pulled himself up and almost lost his footing from the added pain, but hid the approaching scream in a growl. Clary took his shoulders as he got settled, half leaning against, half sitting on the counter.

“Jace,” she whispered.

“Go. Before everyone come looking for us.” He forced a smile and nodded at the door.

Her chin quivered a little before she breathed in deep and smiled back. She kissed him quick on the mouth and ran out the door.

* * *

They wasn’t sure where Alec was. From the look on Izzy and her shaking hand on in Jace’s, he was sure she hadn’t talked to him. They went for the apartment, not knowing if they would have to run Alec’s normal route to the Clave before finding him.

One step out of the portal, Jace’s rune stopped burning and he could let go of Izzy and not be scared of falling over, but he didn’t get much air still. Alec was standing behind the couch, supporting himself on the back rest with both hands. The tube to the oxygen was hanging over the couch next to him. He only looked up at them for a second and then back down, clearly trying to control his breathing.

“Alec?!” Izzy and Jace spoke at the same time and ran to each their side of him, taking his shoulders.

Alec’s shaking hand landed on top of Jace’s on his shoulder and they both supported him the best they could as he wrapped the other arm around his belly.

“What’s happening?” Jace tried not to sound as frightened as he was. “Should we get Catarina here?”

“No. It’s…” Alec leaned his full weight on Jace’s arm and growled deeply looking down. If Izzy hadn’t supported Alec as well, but him and Jace would have ended up at the floor. She rubbed Alec’s back and looked at Jace with just as much confusion and fear in her eyes as Jace had felt through his rune just minutes ago.

“Alec?” Jace tried, but Alec just shook his head and kept his hand locked so no blood would flow into Jace’s.

It was probably only 30 seconds or so, but it seemed like ten full minutes before Alec stood up, almost straight again. Alec loosened the grip on Jace and looked him in the eyes. “The babies are coming.”

“No, Alec.” Izzy put a hand on his cheek, trying to turn him to look at her, but he kept his eyes on Jace. “It’s too soon. You need help.”

Alec just shook his head. Jace saw certainty in Alec’s eyes. “This one was the fourth. It’s been almost two hours.” Jace was sure that Alec knew exactly what he was talking about and that he was telling the full truth.

“Explain something to me,” Jace said, almost calmly, but his hand shook as he took the oxygen tube from the couch. “If you have been like this for that long. Why did you suddenly get so scared?”

Alec accepted the help getting the cannula placed in his nose while still holding on to Jace. “If it’s not regular it could be a false alarm so I didn’t call Magnus before just now.” Alec looked at his sister and for the first time Jace saw a trace of the fear he’d felt before. “He’s not answering.”

* * *

Alec and Magnus had a plan: He would call Magnus, and Magnus would drop everything and come home. That was the first step, and it had gone wrong. It was too early too; the twins weren’t ready. They were all so happy when they found out that their little girl would be strong enough for Catarina to help, but that was two weeks from now. No way she would be ready now. Alec stared at the phone in his hand, rested on his belly, and begged for this to be a nightmare. His dreams was still getting more and more weird and vivid so it could be it. Except that the contractions were real. He had no doubt about that.

“Alec. Listen to me!” Izzy shook his shoulders hard enough that he sat up straight in the couch and looked at her. “We should call Catarina.”

Alec shook his head. That wasn’t the plan. “No.” He took a second to breathe as deep as he could. “It’s not right.”

Jace sat down next to Alec and wrapped a loose arm around his back. “What isn’t right?”

“I don’t need her. I need Magnus.” Alec’s belly tightened again and he did his best to get air enough in to prepare for his body to take over control. They didn’t hurt yet, not really, but it was more violent than he’d imagined. He grabbed Jace’s knee and wrapped the other arm around his belly. “Just… I want…”

“Hey, hey.” Izzy hunched down in front of him and supported him with a strong hand on his shoulder. “Breathe big brother. We’ll talk after.”

Alec shook his head. “No, it has to…” Every muscle around his middle tensed up further and fought his words. “I… I want Magnus here.”

“Okay.” Jace rubbed big circles on Alec’s back. “We’ll get him here first.” It was clear that Jace tried to hide how scared he was, but every time he spoke Alec heard it, and he felt bad for scaring him like this.

“It’s too soon.” Alec gasped the words out as the grip on his belly loosened.

Izzy took his hand, with the phone, on his belly and held it in both of hers. “Only a few weeks. It’ll be okay.”

“No, Iz.” Alec tried to swallow a lump suddenly forming in his throat. “It won’t. I was going to get the injections, to help Maria’s lungs, next week. We got it wrong.”

Alec saw how his siblings looked at each other as if they were deciding who should speak. Jace seemed to have lost and turned in his seat so he could look straight at Alec. “Alec. Try to call Magnus again. Izzy will call Catarina…”

“No!” Alec shook his hand loose of Izzy’s and grabbed her upper arm. “Don’t get her here! Not yet.”

Jace tried to take Alec’s hand from Izzy, but Alec wasn’t about to let her go.

“We won’t.” Jace moved off the couch and hunched down next to Izzy. “She needs to know. _We_ need to know if there’s anything we should do… Maybe she can do the injections now.”

“She can’t.” Alec wiped his sleeve angrily over his burning eyes. “It won’t have time to work. Don’t call her. I…” His voice cracked and, automatically, he gasped in air. “I don’t need her.”

“Alec.” Jace spoke loud and almost calm as he managed to remove Alec’s hand from Izzy’s arm. “You have to trust us. She won’t come unless you need help we can’t give. C’mon, call Magnus again.”

Alec’s vision blurred before Jace nodded at Izzy to go get her phone.

“Iz!” Alec’s hands were stuck in Jace’s strong hold, but Izzy stopped without him holding her back. “Please. I don’t need her.”

Izzy smiled and nodded as she cupped his cheek with a calm hand. She looked into his eyes for a second and then kissed his forehead. “I’m just going to talk to her. Maybe she can find Magnus.”

Izzy picked her phone from her jacket and took it with her to the kitchen.

A single low humming sound came from his own hand and he looked down. Jace had pressed the button and the phone was calling Magnus. It was the seventh or eighth time in the last half our he’d listened to Magnus’s voice say the same words. He almost never left Magnus voicemails, but now he’d already left him three, so when it went straight to voicemail again Alec hung up.

Jace took the phone and Alec’s eyes followed as he placed it on the coffee table and sat up next to it. “Where’s Magnus?” Jace asked.

Alec kept his eyes on the phone, expecting it to ring any second. “Somewhere in Europe. Italy maybe. I think Amsterdam was yesterday.”

“He’s traveling a lot, huh?”

“He always answer when I call. Even when I text, he answers right away.”

“Okay.” Jace took the phone and stood up, and Alec’s heart almost stopped as he walked to the kitchen door.

“Jace.” Alec gasped the word as reached for the oxygen tank and began to stand up on unsteady legs.

Jace held up a hand to stop him from following and opened the door so they could hear Izzy talking. She paused and Jace handed her the phone. “Get a hold on him. Try a fire message too.” He looked back at Alec for a second and Alec was sure that he wouldn’t like what would come out of his mouth next. “Call Simon and Clary. They should know.”

Alec was about to object but Jace had already closed the door and turned his back to it.

“They’ll tell mom.” Alec shook his head and leaned resignedly back in the couch.

Jace sat down next to Alec and put a hand on his shoulder. “She should know too. You asked them to be with her, remember?”

“Nothing will happen before Magnus is here anyway.” Alec was convinced, even with the doubt on Jace’s face as he looked at him. “There’s no need for them to worry before I’m in real labor.”

The door opened and Izzy walked up with a phone in each hand. She smiled hesitant as she stood next to the table. “Catarina will come the second you need her. She wasn’t worried about this being too early, except for the girls lungs; you’re right, the injections won’t have time to work.”

Alec grabbed Jace’s hand. He knew that was the case, but still a little hope he didn’t knew he had just broke inside him. He swallowed and tried to fight the shaking in his chest as he breathed deep. “And Magnus?”

“She tried to track him, while I talked to Simon, but she couldn’t get contact.” Izzy dropped the phones on the table and hunched down in front of Alec. “He’ll answer your calls, don’t worry.”

But Alec _did_ worry. Magnus had been in contact with him every few hours everywhere he went the past months. Since the checkup with Catarina a week ago, he’d never turned his phone off. It wasn’t just that Alec wanted him here, that he _needed_ him to be here; Magnus could be in trouble, he could be hurt. He would have sent a fire message if his phone was broken, but why would his phone be broken?

“Alec.” Izzy put a hand on his knee and he looked up at her. How could she look so calm and be so sure what she said was right? “Catarina said that we needed to time the contractions, have you done that so far?”

Alec nodded. “Yeah. They are still 25 minutes apart. The book said that it starts that way, but the two times he gave birth was different. The first time it took hours before they were close enough and strong enough.”

Izzy looked up at Jace and Alec’s eyes followed. “And the second time?” Jace asked.

Alec looked from his sister to his brother and then down at his hands rubbing his belly. “A little over half an hour.”

“Alright.” Izzy still seemed unbelievably calm as she took his hand. “Catarina is on standby already.”

“No…” Alec shook his head and grabbed Jace’s arm. Tears building in his eyes rapidly. “It has to be Magnus.”

Jace was about to speak but Alec didn’t give him the time. “Jace, get him here. It has to be him. It was always Magnus.” Alec’s chest tightened and he gasped for air. “It can’t be her.”

“Alec, listen to me.” Jace talked firmly, but Alec just shook his head and kept fighting for air. “Iz,” Jace said and their sister stood up and left.

Alec couldn’t have her call Catarina. It wasn’t right. It shouldn’t be like this. Magnus had to be there with him. There was no way he could do this without him. Alec’s eyes blurred from tears and lack of air and he tightened his grip on Jace to keep from falling over as he tried to call out for Izzy, but gasps for air had taken over and no words would come.

“Alec.” Izzy’s voice were calm as Alec felt her sit on the other side of him. She took his shoulder and turned him slowly towards her. Alec shook his head at her since he couldn’t say that he didn’t want her to call. “Shh. Here.” She took the oxygen cannula from his nose and covered his nose and mouth with the mask from the bedroom. “Breathe, big brother. You don’t need _anyone_ right now.”

The air flowing through his mouth and down his lungs felt cold and soothing and after a few seconds he could lower his shoulders. As his vision became clearer he felt Jace’s palm rubbing big firm circles on his back.

“But I…” Alec could breathe only of he accepted that his voice filled with tears. “I _do_ need someone… Mag…”

“Hey.” Jace grabbed both his shoulders firmly from behind. “Breathe now. We’ll get him here.”

It was hard to believe them both but Alec couldn’t deny that their certainty made him feel more at ease. He nodded slowly and took another deep breath.

“You back with us?” Izzy leaned in to get eye-contact and Alec found her dark brown, gold specked, eyes.

He covered her hand on the mask with his own and as he nodded slightly and breathed deep one more time he took it from her.

“Keep that on.” The tone on her voice was like he’d always known it; demanding but filled with compassion and love.

“Thanks.”

“We’re here, okay?” Izzy took his free hand in both of hers. “You just have to trust us. How about we get you to bed before the next contraction?”

* * *

Even though Alec had told Jace that he didn’t have to sit on the chair next to the bed, Jace couldn’t get himself to move out of reach from his parabatai. Whenever Alec needed to stand, Jace followed him, to make sure he wouldn’t fall and at some point Alec had stopped asking him not to. Alec’s contractions were slowly getting closer together. Really slowly. Izzy had called Simon a few more times and kept trying to call and text Magnus. When the third fire message hadn’t gone through either, she’d just pushed the door to the bedroom open enough for Jace to see her shake her head and then retracted to the living room again. Alec kept calm for someone clearly uncomfortable, but every time she walked in he would make sure she knew that he was nowhere near close and make her promise that she wouldn’t get anyone but Magnus here. After two hours she’d stopped coming in the room unless she needed to ask something from Catarina, which wasn’t often.

Jace’s parabatai rune never reacted when he could see Alec. It was more like an alarm to get him there and as soon as he’d walked through the portal it had cooled down and was just like any other rune. Jace almost preferred the pain from before to the feeling of helplessness he was left with now. He wasn’t sure how much of the anxiety, tightening his back and neck in knots, was his own.

When Alec pushed the cover down again and revealed his damp tank top, Jace instinctively looked at the time. It was almost 21 minutes since the last contraction had begun so it would fit.

Jace leaned in to make sure Alec could see him clearly without lifting his head from the large long pillow he was hugging. “Alec. What do you need?”

Alec breathed deep from the mask strapped to his head and looked up for a second. “Has anyone head from Magnus?”

Jace sighed. “I’m sorry. Not yet. How often does you two normally go without talking?”

Alec looked at the alarm clock, but the word he tried to get out got coughed in a deep growl and he curled up on himself fast.

“It’s alright. Just breathe.” Jace hunched down in front of Alec and took supported him with a firm grip on his shoulder. He hated that he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t help, he couldn’t even get Magnus here. He was sure Alec would do at least a little better with him here.

For the first time, Alec suddenly grabbed Jace’s free hand firmly. He looked Jace straight in the eyes for a short second before having to give in and just concentrate on breathing.

“Izzy!” Jace had called her before he knew why. And she bursted through the door and didn’t pause before she was sitting on her knees behind Alec.

“It’s okay Alec. You’re doing great.” She rubbed his back and buried her other hand in his hair as she looked at Jace with a small smile. She’d been the one talking to Catarina and seeing her calm and collected made Jace breathe a bit easier.

Alec breathed deeper and slowly loosened his grip on Jace’s hand. Jace wrapped his other hand around their hold on each other and leaned closer. “Is it over?”

“Y-yes.” Alec took another deep breath and Jace saw a hint of panic in his eyes. “That one hurt. Jace, I’m not ready.”

“Jace.” Izzy waited for him to look up at her again. “Can you get some towels and cold water? He’s heating up.”

“Okay.” Jace didn’t want to leave Alec for even a second but he wasn’t capable of arguing with Izzy so he slowly pulled his hand from Alec’s and headed for the bathroom.

When he turned back Izzy was in front Alec, wiping a tear from his cheek. “You can do this, I know you better than you know yourself...” She looked up at Jace and took the wet towel he numbingly handed her. “…we both do.”

She folded the towel and held it on Alec’s forehead. Alec shivered for a second and Jace almost pulled Izzy away before he noticed his hand on the pillow relaxing slowly.

* * *

Another hour and a half went by, with Izzy and Jace watching Alec hurting more for each contraction. Jace had taken over phone-duty since Izzy seemed to be able to comfort and reassure Alec better after each one, but it was getting more difficult for her too.

Jace was going to call Catarina again to tell her about the contraction Alec had just had, and that they were getting closer, but sent a text to Clary first. He wasn’t calling her anymore. Not right now, anyway. The last phone-call had been almost ten minutes of reassuring his mom, as she’d taken the phone from Clary. There wasn’t much to update on anyway. He wasn’t about to tell anyone how Alec’s fear that Magnus wouldn’t come and where he might be, was tearing both of them apart.

“Jace.” Izzy’s voice was smaller that all day as she walked in to the living room.

“How is he?” Jace walked passed her but didn’t reached the half closed door before she took his arm and held him back.

“He’s resting. Not really sleeping but he drank a bit of water and he still have some time before the next one.”

Jace saw tears in her eyes and with her quiet and trembling voice it was like she’d lost her cool completely as soon as she’d left the bed room. He dropped the three phones in the couch and pulled her in for a tight hug. “It’ll be fine. You know that. If Magnus isn’t here Catarina will come and help as soon as it’s time.”

She looked up at him and shook her head. “I’m not sure I can see him go through this without Magnus… and while he’s worrying about him.”

Jace nodded. He wasn’t sure he could either. It would be torture on Alec in more ways than one. He held Izzy by her shoulders and made a little room between them. “Have you read the book?”

She shook her head. He wouldn’t let me and since both Alec, Magnus and Catarina seem to have it memorized I didn’t think I needed to. You?”

“I never asked. I felt good about that till just now.”

Izzy looked at the floor for a second as if she was gathering herself.

“Iz?”

She looked at him and sighed. “He wants to parabatai-track Magnus.”

“We can’t.” Jace took a step back. Alec was in no shape to that kind of stress on his body. “It’s not safe.”

“I know.” Izzy picked up her phone. “Take care of him. I’ll be back.”

Not taking a second to think, Jace grabbed her arm and took the phone from her. He didn’t like the determined look on her face.

“Let go, Jace!”

“Where are you going?” Jace lowered his voice, hoping that Izzy’s outburst hadn’t alarmed Alec.

“I’ve tried to track him on my own. You have too, right?” She pulled her arm but Jace wasn’t letting go as long as she seemed convinced that the best choice was for her to leave without explanation. “We need parabatai tracking.”

“We don’t have that option.” Jace was getting more confused by the second.

“I’m the head of the institute, I’ll get the ceremony going now. We can’t always count on you and Alec to track people. I should be able to help. Me and Clary can…”

“Stop!” Jace threw every intention of being quiet away. “You’re rambling. You haven’t talked about this since before Clary lost her memories. You know Simon and Clary’s plans. I thought you were rooting for them.”

“I am. I want him to be a shadowhunter too. Maybe more than he does. I just wish that they were already parabatai. With Clary and me it would have happened by now.”

Jace took her other hand and let her breathe for a second before talking. “You don’t need anyone else. You never did. You’ve always been best fighting your own battles.”

She swallowed and a tear fell before she pressed herself into his chest and wrapped her arms around him. “Not this time. I’m not fighting; we’re just loosing.”

“Iz… Jace.” Alec’s voice pulled them both out of the hug and into the room. Jace looked at the clock at the first thing. It was too soon; the contractions had been fifteen minutes apart last time.

Izzy was in front of Alec before Jace. “What is it? You in pain?”

Alec shook his head for less than a second and took the mask off, all while he pushed himself up to sit. Before Alec’s hand reached his mouth and the gag was over, Jace had grabbed the trashcan and held it under his head. Izzy sat up next to Alec and wrapped an arm around him, holding his shoulders, as he emptied his stomach.

Catarina had prepared them that Alec might feel nauseous, but Jace still saw the same worry in Izzy’s eyes as he felt in his gut.

“Alright. It’s normal, Alec.” Jace talked just as much to himself and Izzy as to Alec. “Just get it out. It’ll be fine.”

Alec took the towel Jace handed him and wiped his face, getting all the glistening sweat too. “It won’t, though.” He looked at Jace with red eyes and pushed the trashcan away. “We’re not ready.” Alec sat up straight and breathed as deep as he could. “Maria isn’t ready. Magnus and I was supposed to get find the best formula tomorrow. I can’t exactly feed them myself. Mom was going to bring Izzy’s and my blankets for them.” Tears streamed from Alec’s panicky eyes and he gasped as he looked at the cribs across the room. “We’re not prepared. We don’t have anything.”

“Hey!” Jace took both of Alec’s shaking hands in his and squeezed tight till Alec seemed to connect right with his eyes. “You will be. Magnus will get here in time, you will deliver your babies and you’ll get everything else figured later. It’s not important.”

Alec stared at him in silence for a moment and then nodded and turned his head to let Izzy place the mask on him again. He looked down on his and Jace’s fingers turning white from the strong holds. “Maria?”

Izzy rubbed Alec’s upper arm and smiled at him as he looked up. “How long has it been since you last felt AJ’s magic?”

“Last night,” Alec whispered behind the mask.

“Okay. It seems like he’s done then.” She kept his eyes on Alec, but Jace felt her talking to him as well. “Don’t you think he would be in a hurry to heal her now if she wasn’t ready?”

Alec let go of Jace and wrapped his arms around his belly. “Maybe he’s too busy getting out of there.”

“Alec, listen.” Jace stood up and took the pillow from the floor. “Right now we have to trust that she’ll be okay. Catarina and Magnus will help her if she needs it.” He handed him the pillow, but Alec gave it to Izzy and used Jace’s shoulder to support himself as he stood up.

“You okay?” Izzy stood up and took his arm. “Let me get what you need.”

Alec looked at her for two full seconds in silence before slowly walking away from her. They all knew she couldn’t do that. “I just need to move. It’s been over an hour.”

He went through the next contraction standing with his forehead pressed into Jace’s shoulder as far from the bed as the oxygen tube would let him. They convinced him to sit down on the bed after. Propped up against the headboard with countless pillows, he accepted that Izzy sat next to him and cooled his forehead with wet towels. Jace had gotten their phones and dropped them all on the foot end of the bed, but after Clary’s text on his and Catarina’s call to Izzy’s had made Alec heave air in loudly, he’d moved Alec’s to the bedside table. If Magnus would call they wouldn’t have any doubt.

“Do you want to try and drink something?” Izzy tried again.

Alec shook his head sluggishly and sighed. Jace suddenly thought he remembered something and picked up Izzy’s phone and looked through Catarina’s messages. He nodded to himself and handed Izzy the phone. “Do you think they have any ice?”

Alec frowned but didn’t seem to care all that much.

Izzy chuckled. “Have you met Magnus Bane?”

The ice-cubes helped Alec cool down a bit, and even though Jace never thought it could be pleasant, Alec was clearly grateful to have something to chew on.

* * *

The next contraction surprised them all. It was three minutes sooner than expected and Alec felt it harder and faster than any of the others. He could do nothing against the dull pain tracking over his back and the painful cramp around his entire middle. Not in control, he curled up and barely felt both Jace and Izzy hands on him as they supported him in the tilt to his side.

“Alec. What do I do? What do you need?” Jace hadn’t sounded that worried before, but Alec could do nothing but grab on the edge of the mattress and try to get enough air as he desperately waited for this to pass. His loud growls and moans escaped him without his approval.

The hand rubbing his back was clearly to steady him but it did little in calming him. When Izzy buried her hand in his hair on the back of his head it felt like sandpaper on his skin and instinctively he reached back and pushed her away.

“Okay, okay.” Izzy didn’t sound hurt, but Alec instantly felt bad about not letting her help. There was just nothing to do now, except breathing.

Jace’s hand carefully touched his and Alec wanted to hold it so bad, but he wasn’t sure he could manage to let go of the mattress just now.

It lasted longer this time too, and when the grip slowly let go of his belly and back, he needed more time to catch his breath. Jace’s hand was still right there next to his as he slowly let blood into his fingers and Alec grabbed it as soon as he could.

Alec saw Izzy standing next to Jace and he reached for her with his other hand. “Sorry, Iz.”

She slowly sat down on the edge of the mattress and took his hand. “Don’t be. You go through this the way you have to.”

Jace placed the pregnancy pillow in front of him and Alec tried to ignore the tears pressing at the brim of his eyes as he accepted the help to get situated and get his legs covered under the duvet.

Izzy rubbed the back of his hand lightly. “Alec, do you need more ice or a cold towel?”

A lump made words hard to get out and he shook his head, accepting that once again tears were wetting the pillow.

“What can we do?” Jace placed a hand on top of Izzy’s and Alec’s shaking hold on each other. “Is there anything we can do to make this easier?”

There wasn’t. Alec knew that time was running out and soon he would have to face this head on with Catarina and not Magnus. He couldn’t imagine why he wasn’t answering neither texts, calls or fire messages. Alec’s tears fell faster and he let go of his siblings to hold on to his belly and burry his head into the pillow. He only managed to make small whimpering words over his crying into the mask. “Just get Magnus here.”


	28. Getting closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next step in Alec's labor is the one thing he's feared this whole time. Alec is a fighter and has been hurt more than once, so everyone knows that this would to be too much for most people to handle. Even kept in the dark about what is going to happen, Jace and Izzy knows it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I'm not taught in anything medical. I have quite a few experiences in hospitals, and have been with a friend when she gave birth, other than that I'm just doing research. Some of the medical things I know (or find out), but when it comes to the "being a guy" part and the magic, I make shit up.  
There's some of that in this chapter. Just go along with it...

The gathering of warlocks in Rome seemed to get more boring in the same pace as it got infuriating. The high warlock of Rome was demanding change that was not only impossible but most of it was also deeply ridiculous and unfounded. Magnus had jumped up from his chair more than once and the last time two others had followed. There was no one else in the European council who agreed with the obnoxious man and after hours of arguing with nonsense they were all tired and Magnus realized that half the reason that he didn’t sit back down was that his ass was tired too and his back was aching. The red velvet upholstering on the shiningly polished armchair would be more comfortable, but it was clearly not bought with that purpose.

As the waves between the German representative and the self-appointed leader of the meeting got higher, Magnus looked at his watch again. He’d been meaning to text Alec, but as the meeting went in to the third hour he was sure Alec was taking his nap. Now it was almost six hours since he’d left. Convinced that him taking out his phone in the middle of the heated fight would only make more problems, he excused himself to the bathroom.

He sent Alec a quick text, not wanting to wake him with a call if he’d lied down to get some rest later than usual. Magnus knew Alec needed more rest than he got on a normal night, and if Alec had caved in to sleep in the middle of the day, he didn’t want stand in the way of that.

Before he went back out Magnus took a second to look in the golden-framed head to toe mirror. He sighed and tried to look more awake than he was. The tense shoulders and impatience on his face was impossible to leave behind though, as he walked back in.

In the hallway his phone buzzed in his pocket and he stopped instantly to check it. It wasn’t from Alec though. It was a notification that his massage couldn’t be sent. Only now did he notice that the signal bar in the corner of the screen was empty.

After a short moment looking down the hallway, passed all the huge antique frames on the walls, he walked the other way. He was sure the balcony was down that way. Magnus hadn’t really payed attention to the tour of the house. The only thing he remembered was thinking that the house was way too big for one person, but out of each room they walked into, only the balcony, with a view of Rome, was big enough to fit this man’s ego. Outside, there still wasn’t any signal. Confused about the lack of signal in the middle of the capital of Italy, he instinctively conjured up a short message on paper and sent the fire message. If Alec had needed him he’d sent one himself, so Magnus wasn’t worried.

As the letter burned front of him, a circle spread as rings in water in the air no more than ten feet in front of him. A wall. Warding. Magnus’s hands shook and his shoulders and back tightened till it hurt. Last time they’d all been here, two warlocks has gotten messages of emergencies and left. Magnus wasn’t sure of they were real or excuses, but it didn’t matter. This guy would prevent anything from interfering with his moment of power, even if it _was_ a real emergency. Magnus grabbed the railing and gasped. Not only hadn’t he checked in with Alec in six hours, Alec wouldn’t have gotten an answer if he’d tried to call or message. He must be stressing out with worry but now.

Watching his fingers turn white from the strong hold, he saw yellow sparks flow from them. He stood back and turned his side to the wall between him and the world; him and Alec. He gathered himself and as he’d never done anything else, he gathered all the rage building in him. As easy as throwing a knife he flung the fire red ball at the wall and with one hand in the air he held it there. It didn’t burn through. It might have weakened the warding, but there was no way he was getting out of there on his own. He kept his hand up, hoping it would work as he considered if murder was really the fastest way to get a message to Alec.

He almost lost the focus of magic on the wall when his phone buzzed again. It kept vibrating as he picked it from his pocket. 6 texts, 31 missed calls and 8 voice messages. The magic from his hand got hit like a rubber band snapping over skin and he saw at least five fire messages hit the wall but burn up on impact with the still too string warding. His heart stopped, he was sure of it. He couldn’t get his left hand to work the phone fast enough, but he didn’t dare take his magic from the ward, there was no way of knowing if the damage was permanent or if he was only squeezing a crack open.

Not near fast enough the found Alec’s number and should have been relieved by the ringing tone, but something was wrong and he wasn’t sure he could even speak if Alec picked up.

“_Magnus. Oh my God! Are you alright?!_” Izzy all but screamed into the phone.

Magnus gasped and did his best to get words out between his fight for air. “Izzy? What’s…? Why are you answering Alec’s phone?”

“_Me and Jace are here with Alec. Where are you? Are you hurt?_”

“No. No, I’m fine. What’s going on! Please…” Magnus almost lost his balance and leaned his side against the railing not to grab it and let go of his magic. “Please tell me he’s alright.”

“_He is. But you need to get here. He’s having the babies._”

Magnus shook his head to himself. “But it’s too soon. You sure nothing’s wrong?”

“_Listen! Catarina says that it could happen and that it will be okay, but Magnus, you need to get here. Now._”

“Catarina is there?”

There was a short pause and Magnus held his breath, scared to hear why.

“_No. Alec wouldn’t let her come before you were here._”

“_Izzy?!_” Alec’s voice flowed through the phone clearly. “_What is it?_”

Magnus’s stomach cramped up. He needed to be there already. “Give the phone to him.” Magnus was surprised how collected he suddenly was, even though he just have given Izzy an order strong enough that she it followed with no words.

“_Magnus?_”

“Alexander. Sweetie, I’m sorry.” Tears burned in Magnus’s eyes as regret and worry covered the anger still rushing through him.

“_Magnus, are you okay? What happened?_” Alec sounded scared and was clearly winded.

“I’m okay. I’ll be with you soon. I just have to…” Magnus paused; there was no need or time to explain. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be there.”

He heard Alec sniffle and Magnus’s heart skipped a beat. “Alexander. Put me on speaker. Let me talk to Jace, okay.”

There was a click and under a second later Jace answered. “_Magnus? I’m here, Alec is doing okay but he’s getting closer_.”

“Okay.” Magnus was relived that Jace seemed to be keeping it together, at least that very moment. “Get Catarina there.”

“_Not yet._” Alec protested.

“Yes, Cariño. Let her check you out, I may even be there before her.” Magnus swallowed and tried to not let the rage against that pure excuse for a leader take over completely. “Jace, there’s a tank of nitrous oxide under the sink in the guest bathroom. Instructions are on the side. It will help with the pain if it’s too much.”

“_Magnus._” If possible, Alec sounded even more scared than before, but they both knew that he didn’t have to say more than that.

“Jace will get it ready. I know you don’t trust it and it’s your decision completely, but I’m begging you to trust _me._ It’s safe. It won’t stay in you. It works and then it’s gone.”

“_I’m…”_ Alec heaved in air loud enough for Magnus to hear it and the next word was only a quick whisper. “_Jace._”

There was shuffling of the phone and Izzy’s voice came through loud and fast. “_It’s another contraction. I’ll call Catarina, but please get here._”

Anger shot through his body, making him tremble. He should have already been there.

“_Mag…_”

“It’s alright Alexander. Concentrate on breathing right. I’ll be there soon; it won’t take long to disintegrate this self-centered, low-grade, Italian wizard!”

* * *

“Magnus never calls anyone a wizard.” Alec breathed the words into the oxygen mask as the pain subsided. He’d refused the gas and even though the contractions hurt more for each time, he wasn’t regretting it. He let his fingers uncurl from the pillow and took Izzy’s and Jace’s hands again. “I’m not sure I’ve ever heard the word out of his mouth before.”

Jace chuckled and squeezed Alec’s hand a little harder. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to be the one who have kept him from you when you’re like this.”

Alec nodded and for the first time in five hours he found it easy to make a smile. He breathed in as deep as his lungs would let him while he was laying on his side.

Izzy placed a cold towel carefully on the back of his neck. “Do you need anything?”

Alec took hold of the towel himself and pushed himself up. Jace stood up immediately and helped getting the pillows organized so he could sit against the headboard.

Alec rested back and breathed in deeper. “Thanks.”

Izzy wrung another towel and sat on the edge of the bed as so many times before. Alec closed his eyes when she brushed it over his face. Half the time his skin was burning with heat and getting only worse as every time his periodic shivers stopped. The cold, soft fabric did him good enough that he’d stopped worrying about how weird it was to have his little sister help him like that.

A sudden feeling of pressure under him, made him shift. The sudden release of... wrong had him gasping and sit up straight.

“Alec?!” Jace jumped up and took his shoulder.

Izzy’s gaze followed Alec’s to the thin blanket covering his lap. She ignored his uncoordinated attempt to hold the cover in place and stood up and pulled it away fast. His sweat pants were wet, and not from the sweat he’d thrown the previous pair away from. They were soaked, the sheet was too, through to the mattress. Alec pulled the mask down to speak but nothing came out and he grabbed on tight to Jace’s arm, and panting, he tried to push himself from the mess with his legs.

“Alec.” Izzy took both of his shoulders. “Alec. Stop! It’s only your water.”

Alec tore his eyes from the soaked fabrics and looked her in the eyes, but before she could say anymore, the door opening caught his attention.

Catarina walked in fast and stood still for only a second before rushing over and squeezed between Jace and Izzy. “Don’t panic on us now.”

Alec froze as she took a second to look at the mess. She smiled at him and took one of his shoulders as Izzy sat down next to his knees.

“There’s no blood. It’s supposed to happen, remember? From the book?”

Alec hadn’t pictured it being like this. It was way more than he thought and came a lot faster. He nodded and relaxed a bit but kept his eyes on Catarina. This wasn’t right; it wasn’t supposed to be her.. The babies would be fine with her here, but Alec wasn’t sure how he would keep his mind in order when it wasn’t Magnus, and Magnus would never forgive himself. Things were moving too fast.

“Honey. You’re breathing too fast.” She reached for his mask hanging around his neck but he instinctively withdrew and pulled his knees up and away from her.

“Alec.” Jace pushed his chair closer and took hold of Alec’s shoulder. “She’s here to help.”

Alec looked from Jace to Izzy and back, suddenly doubting his own mind. “Magnus is coming, right? He told me. On the phone?”

“Yes. He did.” Izzy walked to the other side and climbed up against him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “It’s not even been four minutes. He’s on his way.”

“Alec.” Catarina kept her distance but made sure Alec looked at her. “This doesn’t mean that you’re having the babies right now.” She looked at Jace. “How long is there between contractions now?”

Jace still didn’t move his hand from Alec’s shoulder and Alec felt somehow protected by his siblings’ firm holds on him.

“The last two was nine minutes.” Jace said while they all studied Catarina’s soft but professional demeanor. “They are getting stronger though.”

“Alright. Alec, everything is moving along just right.” She stood up and took a step back. “How about we get this cleaned up before you get cold and then I’ll make sure the babies are turning the right way.”

Alec grabbed on to Izzy’s wrist. He hadn’t thought about that in the mess about everything else, but from the eased look on Catarina, it seemed like she had.

“What if they’re not?” Alec asked hesitant.

“They haven’t sunken down yet, they can’t because of the pelvis, remember? We have more time than a normal birth to turn the first one if we need to. Alec, you didn’t do anything wrong. I would have been here if there was any sign or reason to come sooner.”

She placed her hand on the bottom corner of the mattress and let a white light move over the sheet. Alec didn’t even feel the water disappear from under him and from his pants. “I wish I could do that at work, but it might prompt too many questions. But let’s do this without magic, what do you say?” She opened her bag and took her stethoscope.

Alec swallowed deeply but nodded that it was okay for her to sit on the edge of the mattress. Izzy’s thumb brushed lightly over the back of Alec’s wrist as Catarina lifted his tank top to show his belly. Jace took Alec’s free hand and held it in both of his.

The silence felt like it lasted forever and Alec wondered if she would find the babies heartbeats before he had another contraction. Only her calm and unhindered breathing made him sure that the babies were alright.

“They’re good and strong both of them.” She sat up straight and put the stethoscope away. “The sound is a bit different between them, so I’m sure it’s only one of the sacks that broke. Which means there will be another round of water.”

“Okay.” Alec couldn’t care less about the water as long as both babies were safe. “Which one is coming first? Did the water break for the right one?” Alec wasn’t quite sure if it was a problem if the water had already broken for the second one to be born. He was sure they had covered all of this at one of their many checkups but his mind seemed to have blocked out half of it.

“It _is _the twin lowest who’s water had broken, but it’s alright for the water to break up to 24 hours before they come out, so don’t you worry about the other breaking too early.” Catarina explained calmly.

Alec nodded and looked up at Izzy with a slight smile as she squeezed his hand. He looked back at Catarina, who seemed to be waiting for his next move. “Catarina? Which of them is it?”

Catarina smiled and stood up. “They have both moved quite a bit and I have no idea which is which. Let’s just make sure whoever it is, is head down. Can you lie on your back just for a second?”

Alec nodded and put the mask over his face. He took a few deep breaths as if he was preparing himself to be under water. It felt like he was.

“Breathe slow and as deep as you can. I’ll be quick.” She put her hands low on his belly and pressed in slowly but deep. Alec fought for space for air in his chest.

Izzy’s hand in his hair pulled his eyes to hers. A beautiful mix of concern and strength shined down at him. Maybe it was the lack of air, but she’d never looked more like their mother than right in that moment.

“Okay, sit up Alec, but catch your breath slowly.” Catarina took his hand and with Jace’s help they got him seated quickly. He found Catarina’s smile right away.

“The first baby is just as it should be. Ready to come out.” She sat on the chair next to Jace. “We’ll check on the other after. It might turn a few times yet. Now we just wait.”

Alec’s stomach curled up and he looked at the clock on the table. “How long?”

He reached for his phone, but Jace took his hand instead. “He’ll be here. It’s still only been seven or eight minutes since he called.”

The look Jace sent Izzy didn’t go unnoticed by Alec. They were both beginning to doubt it too. Hearing Magnus’s voice and him telling Alec that he was alright had taken away enough fear that he’d stopped trying to convince Jace to parabatai track him. He hadn’t even though that it might be considered magic, like the iratze and could have hurt the babies. But Alec now he wasn’t sure that Magnus had told the truth and as he felt a new contraction crawl up on him and he curled around his belly, the tears running over his face wasn’t from exhaustion.

* * *

If Magnus hadn’t hung up the phone in time and would have heard a scream like the one that met him as he walked through the portal, he could very well have ended up with literal blood on his hands before he left Rome.

With a wave of a hand he flung the door open to the bedroom and walked in with long fast strides. Alec was sitting on the bed, curled up on himself, shaking and moaning. Izzy, Jace and Catarina all looked up at Magnus with unmoving faces. Izzy and Catarina sat just within reach from Alec but only Jace was close. He didn’t touch him though. Why wasn’t they helping him? Or at least trying to comfort him? Magnus wasn’t surprised to see the tank of gas by the foot end of the bed, clearly unused. Alec tore the oxygen mask down to hang around his neck and knocked his back into the pillows behind him, only to curl up again and press his forehead into his folded arms.

“Alexander!” Magnus ran over and climbed up in bed, sitting on his knees next to Alec’s legs. He put a firm hand on Alec’s upper arm but Alec rapidly recoiled.

“He doesn’t like us touching him when he’s in pain,” Jace said apologetic.

Magnus moved a bit up in the bed and leaned in closer. “Alexander, it’s me.”

Alec let out a long pained growl that tore a crater in Magnus’s stomach, but he opened one of his tight and shaking fists. Magnus touched his hand carefully and instantly Alec grabbed it tight.

“M… M…” Alec’s try for words were lost in fights for air and moans.

“Don’t speak. I’m here now. Keep breathing, okay?” Magnus covered Alec’s white fingers locked around his, slowly turning purple, with his other hand. “Everything is alright, you’re doing just perfect.”

Slowly, Alec’s breathing became less strained and it was clear that he didn’t need to control it so carefully anymore. His shoulders relaxed too, but the grip on Magnus’s hand didn’t lessen. The sound of Magnus’s rings grinding together, told him that it was getting stronger.

“Alexander?” Magnus spoke quietly.

“Magnus.” Alec slowly lifted his head up and his deep brown eyes looked at Magnus like he didn’t fully understood. “You’re here.” Alec pulled Magnus’s hand closer to his chest and pulled him tight with a firm hand on the back of Magnus’s neck. The kiss was messy and rudely interrupted by Alec having to take small gasps of air. Magnus was trapped in the moment and for a short time he forgot everything but Alec’s touch and the gratefulness that he was home.

The serenity only lasted as long as the kiss though. Magnus took Alec’s hand loosely in both of his and tried not to focus on the tear tracks on Alec’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I should have known something was wrong when I didn’t hear from you in so long.”

“Shh.” Alec cupped Magnus’s cheek and thumbed away a tear Magnus hadn’t noticed escaping his eye. “You’re here now. You made it.”

Magnus shook his head slowly and sighed. The first call Alec had made to his phone was over five hours ago. “I should have been here from the start. As soon as you…”

Alec took Magnus’s chin lightly, and made him pause. He turned Magnus’s head to the side and let go, only to slowly pull Magnus’s jacket and shirt collar down. “You’re hurt.”

Magnus looked down and pulled his shirt more to look. Blood had ran over his collarbone and his burgundy shirt had soaked up enough to have a few spots of another shade of red. He hadn’t felt it, and couldn’t see it. Even now, after it had been pointed out to him it only felt like a bad sunburn.

“I’m okay.” Magnus took Alec’s hand and kissed it. “How about you put that mask on?”

“Magnus.” Alec frowned and pushed Magnus’s hand back as he tried to lift up the mask. “You need that taken care of.” He looked over Magnus’s shoulder. “Catarina?”

For a moment, Magnus had forgotten that there were three other people in the room. The women had stepped back and stood by the door, waiting. Only Jace was still on the chair next to the bed. Catarina smiled at Alec and came over to look at Magnus’s neck.

Magnus shook his head and for the first time had to hide that he felt the stretch of some kind of wound on his neck. “It’s nothing.” He held a hand up to stop her from touching his chin or jaw. “I’ll fix it myself.” He rubbed his fingertips together and a small light blue tint spread over them.

“No.” Catarina took Magnus’s wrist. “This is a magic-burn and I can see that you used a lot of energy to get here. You should safe your strength for Alec.”

Alec’s hand tightened around Magnus’s hand, pressing his rings into the next finger. “Did you get in a fight? Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“No Sayang, I’m alright.” Magnus slowly unfolded Alec’s fingers and took off his rings before taking Alec’s hand in both of his again. “Me and two others burned down a warding. The walls weren’t completely down before I left. The portal got damaged.” Magnus looked up at Catarina, begging her with his eyes that she wouldn’t tell Alec how close a call that had to have been. She clearly forced the smile but sat down next to Jace in silence.

Magnus turned back to Alec with a light smile. “It’s incredible what some people will do to get out of a boring meeting.”

Alec chuckled and nodded as in acceptance that Magnus wasn’t hurt bad. He kissed Magnus’s hand and nodded a gesture for the door. “Let Catarina fix it, and get something to drink. You’re kind of wheezing.”

Magnus held on tighter to Alec’s hand and shook his head. “How is it that it always seems like you’re more concerned for me?” The contrast between the way Alec was when he came in the room and how he was with no contractions was mind-blowing, but Magnus wasn’t going to leave him when the next one could come any second.

Alec let go of Magnus’s hand and only now, did Magnus notice the cold air in the room. Alec looked at Jace and Magnus’s eyes followed.

Jace seemed almost as disturbingly calm as Alec. He put a hand on Magnus’s shoulder. “We still have a few minutes before the next one. I’ll stay here. Get that taken care of so you can concentrate on my brother.”

With a strange feeling of betrayal against him in his stomach, Magnus stood up and had the hardest time taking his eyes of Alec as he turned around. The more they talked about it, the more Magnus felt the burn and he knew it was a deep one for it to bleed, so if only to calm Alec down he would get it done quick. He knew his throat would get better as soon as he drank something, it was mostly from screaming at the warlock and breathing too fast.

Half way across the floor, Jace’s hand grabbed Magnus’s upper arm. Magnus’s first instinct was to look back at Alec, but judging by the slow pace he put the mask back on and sat back against the pillows with closed eyes, he seemed to be holding up okay.

“What?” Magnus was surprised that he was whispering, but maybe it was the look on Jace’s face that made him, for Jace spoke quietly too.

“He’s not scared, you know?”

Magnus shook his head and frowned, not getting what Jace was talking about. Alec had been nervous about this for weeks and scared how he’d react to the whole situation.

Jace smiled and looked back at Alec as he spoke. “I would tell you if he’s freaking out. He was before but…” Jace shook his head to himself and let go of Magnus. “I get the whole emotional rollercoaster right along with him. As soon as he realized that you were here he was fine. Nervous sure, and still worried about the girl, but nothing close to scared. For the first time since that rune pulled me here I’m sure he’s excited about this.”

* * *

When Magnus rushed back in, Alec was lying on his side. He reached for Magnus and smiled slightly, when Magnus took his hand and sat on the chair Jace had occupied just a second ago.

“Are you okay? Is it starting up again?”

“Yes… and yes.” Alec kissed Magnus’s hand and in the same second pulled his knees up and growled. Magnus placed his other hand on Alec’s hip, trying to steady him as he pulled Magnus’s hand close to his chest.

“Breathe, remember?”

Alec nodded and seemed to control his breathing better, but pained wheezes and moans still fought their way through. Magnus’s chest tightened in the same pace as Alec’s whole body. Alec shook from tensing up and instinctively Magnus rubbed his thigh, to try and ease his overworked muscles a little.

He leaned in closer to Alec. “See if you can relax your legs a little. You’re working too hard.”

Alec heaved in air and shook his head deeper into the pillow.

“Yes, Alexander. Try.” Magnus moved his hand firmer and faster over Alec’s sweatpants and to his relief and surprise Alec’s thigh loosened up the slightest bit and the shaking seized some too. “Good, you’re doing great.”

Magnus was surprised that he was even able to speak to Alec with his lungs wrapping around each other, but he didn’t doubt what to say and the words came easy. With a long growling scream, Alec curled up further and tensed all over again.

“Shh. It’s alright. Try to relax again,” Magnus said calmly and steady.

Alec didn’t react but looking up at him, panic slowly sneaking into his eyes. Magnus felt Jace come closer behind him and he realized that this was one of the bad ones, maybe the worst so far. Alec’s controlled breathing became ragged and he moved one hand from around Magnus’s and desperately pulled the mask down.

“No, you need this.”

Alec shook his head before Magnus could try to move it back. “N-no.” Alec looked down by his feet and then up at Magnus. “It’s s-safe?”

Magnus’s lungs eased up a little and he ignored the second of heartache from knowing how much this has to be hurting Alec for him to consider the gas. Izzy had it going instantly and Magnus handed the mask to Alec. Alec held it in front of his chest and kept eye-contact with Magnus. Magnus kneeled down in front of him and stroked his side and ribs. “It’s okay; you decide.”

Alec held the mask over his mouth and nose and breathed in fast and as deep as he could. Within seconds, Alec’s legs relaxed a little and he almost stopped shaking. Magnus’s eyes burned and it became difficult to see Alec’s face, but from the way Alec still controlled his breathing carefully and the tight grip on Magnus’s hand, he knew that Alec was still in pain.

Almost as fast as it had started the cramping let go of Alec and he relaxed completely. Magnus breathed easily and blinked the burning away from his eyes. He lightly took hold of the mask, but Alec only looked pleadingly up at him.

“Let go, Cintaku. You don’t need it now.”

Alec slowly loosened his arm and let Magnus take the mask away. He kissed Alec’s forehead lightly and placed the oxygen mask back over his mouth and nose.

“On my forehead? Really?” Alec smiled with his hole face and brushed his hand slowly up Magnus’s arm. “It’s a bit unexciting.”

Magnus laughed and kissed him there again. “You’re drunk. I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you. Besides, we should let it wear off for a minute or I might get drunk too.”

Alec laughed, resulting in him wincing and grabbing his belly.

Magnus place his hand on Alec’s. “You alright?”

“Just sore. It’s quite the workout.”

Magnus smiled and looked back at Jace. “How long is it between them now?”

“Seven minutes.” Jace looked like a man on a mission. A confusing and scary mission, but still in control of what he could and needed to be.

Alec took Magnus’s hand in both of his and seemed to be back on track with his mission too. “It’s time.” He looked sad and Magnus felt worse, because he knew it wasn’t for Alec himself, but for him.

Magnus nodded hesitant and looked around the room. He knew Alec wanted them out of there. “Catarina, please go call Raphael.”

She smiled and shook her head. “Darling, he’s already in New York with the others. I’ll go update them, though.”

“Iz…” Alec spoke quietly with a tremble to his voice. “Jace.”

“It’s alright Alec.” Izzy walked over and took her bother’s hand from Magnus for a second. “We knew from the start that you and Magnus wanted to do this alone.”

Alec’s breath shuddered and he quickly looked at Jace. “It’s all good Jace. Everything is going as planned now.”

Jace nodded with a confident smile, but when Izzy took his wrist and pulled him towards the door, Alec’s breathing stopped for a short second. From the look on both brother’s faces it was Jace’s fear they both struggled with.

* * *

It took longer than expected to get Alec sitting on his knees. Alec didn’t say much, and Magnus tried to shrug it off to them being on the clock. They needed to get this done before the next contraction. Magnus’s hands were shaking and as he climbed up to sit on his own knees in front of Alec he almost lost hold of the gasmask.

Alec took both of Magnus’s hands and looked him in the eyes and breathed deep. Magnus mirrored his gesture and rested down on his heals too. “How are you this calm?”

“I’m not.” Alec took one more deep breath and took the oxygen mask off. “But it’s been close to six hours; I’m ready to meet our babies now.” He placed Magnus’s one hand on his hip and took the gas-mask from him. “Love. There’s no way around this.”

Again it was Alec who was comforting Magnus, and even though it felt better to know that Alec was holding up okay, it hurt him more that it wasn’t the other way around.

Alec wrapped his free arm around Magnus’s back and pulled him in to a kiss. By doing so, he revealed how much he was shaking and that the struggle for air wasn’t only from his lungs not having enough room. Magnus pulled back and looked him in the eyes long enough that he was sure Alec knew that he was ready to support him as soon as he needed.

“We better get this out of the way before you use the gas.” Magnus smiled quickly and kissed Alec again.

Alec let his chin rest on Magnus’s shoulder and wrapped both arms around his back. Even with one hand holding the mask to his face, Alec had a tighter hold on Magnus than he’d ever felt.

Magnus put his other hand firmly on the other side of Alec’s hip and straightened his back, letting Alec press their chests together as much at his belly would allow.

“Ready?” Magnus hardly got the word out.

“Don’t pause. You need to do both right after each other.” Alec took a deep breath of the gas and Magnus nodded and kissed the side of his neck.

Magnus pressed his fingers hard into Alec’s skin and concentrated on doing this right. It was the first time he’d used his Magic on Alec since before he was pregnant and he’d been scared that he would hesitate, but it felt naturally and safe, even with the pain he would inflict. His fingers buzzed and Alec took another deep heave. Magnus breathed deep and sharp too and with all the force needed, he shot his magic hard into the targeted area on the left side of Alec’s pelvis. He felt and heard the bone crack before Alec’s scream sent shivers down his back and felt the mask drop behind him. The scream wasn’t over before Magnus broke the other side too. Magnus wrapped his arms tight around Alec’s back, supporting him as he trembled in his hold on Magnus and fought for air. Tears sprung from Magnus’s eyes without warning.

“It’s okay, Sweetie. It’s okay,” Magnus stuttered out as he stared at the door, expecting that Jace and Izzy would burst through any second. He heard loud voices, but couldn’t hear what they were saying over Alec’s wheezing. Catarina must be holding them back, not that Magnus knew how, she knew that he would call her as soon as something went off script.

“It went right. You’re safe. The babies are safe.”

Alec became heavy in his arms, but only for a second before he tightened up again with an unsettling cry. Magnus held him up against his chest. Alec wouldn’t just stop hurting because Magnus was done. They both knew that it would keep hurting and that it would flare up more every time he moved. Magnus reached for the nitrous oxide tube, hoping that he could hold Alec up with one arm long enough to pull the mask close. Alec screamed loudly as Magnus pushed him back to sit heavier on his heals. He shook his head frantically and tried to cling on to Magnus, but with the first sight of the mask he grabbed it desperately and heaved in the analgesia and settled with holding on to one of Magnus’s shoulders.

Magnus held his cheek to Alec’s temple and rubbed his back slowly. “Slow down, Sweetie. Slow breaths,” he said almost calm and collected. “I know it’s bad, but you can’t breathe it in so fast.”

Alec nodded slightly, letting Magnus know that he’d heard him but it took a few breaths to get it somewhat under control. With a light fingertip on Alec’s chin, Magnus pushed his face slowly up a little and leaned down to look him in the eyes. Tears was running over Alec’s cheeks and followed the curve of the mask the rest of the way over his face.

“We should l get you lying down before the next one. It could begin anytime.”

Alec shook his head and lowered the mask for a second. “Not yet.”

Magnus’s stomach churned at the high-pitched tone on Alec’s voice.

Alec clearly forced the smile he gave Magnus. “I feel it.” He took a short breath in the mask but didn’t take his eyes off Magnus. “It’s not only the bones moving. I feel it _inside_.” He gasped and hung heavier on Magnus’s shoulder. “Mag…”

Alec pressed his forehead against the center of Magnus’s chest. “They’re moving down. One of them. Everything hurts. I…” He breathed in deep but somehow controlled through the mask. “I need to…”

“Alright…” Magnus tightened the hold around Alec’s back and cradled his head. “It’s alright, Alexander.”

They knew that the babies would move down right away and that Alec would dilate fast, but Magnus hadn’t considered that Alec would feel it this strongly, especially not with his pelvis clearly sending agonizing tremors through his body at the same time. 

“You tell me when the three of you are ready to move.”

Alec breathed controlled into the mask but a small whimpers made it out at the end of each exhale.

“Shh, Alexander.” Magnus kissed the back of his head and talked quietly into his damp curls. “You’re amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last part has been planned out for a long time (since I wrote chapter 4) but it turned out so much more intense than I first thought. I'm so sorry Alec and Magnus :'-(
> 
> I know I'm stopping these last chapters in unfair places, but I thought you guys needed a break to breathe (...sorry)


	29. Heartstrings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you may have realized; this is the chapter where babies actually happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed by the amount of comments this story has gotten. All the way through, but you guys blew me away these last chapters. It's amazing to see the same names popping up again and again, just as wonderful as it is to get comments from new people, who have been reading "under the radar" for a while or from people who just found this and read it all in a week (I don't know how you do it). 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who comes back and reading every chapter (whether you feel like commenting or not) I love all of you so very much.

“Shh, shh, shh,” Magnus whispered and slowly brushed his fingertips over Alec’s belly. “You two give your dad a second to breathe comfortable before taking the next step.”

Alec turned his head slowly towards Magnus and smiled as Magnus caught the cold towel and replaced it lightly on his forehead.

It had been easier to breathe since the babies had gotten more room, and Alec had needed that extra air when they had got him half sitting against the headboard during the contraction. His pelvis had burned with the movement so he hadn’t been able to feel his legs and Magnus had to do most of the work as he was only capable of screaming and shake with cramps from the contraction. He’d calmed down fast though. The cold towels and the almost effortless breathing had made everything easier. Even hearing Jace scream at Catarina on the other side of the door, was bearable. Alec knew that he was only angry that he couldn’t help and needed to take it out of someone. He tried not to think about Izzy; she didn’t have the contact that Jace had, and would have to take his and Catarina’s word for it that Alec was okay.

Magnus moved the towel back over Alec’s hair and turned it the cold side down when he brushed it down his cheek and cooled his neck. Alec breathed deep and closed his eyes, enjoying the brief serenity. If it hadn’t been for the hot flashes and the constant pain in his pelvis he was sure he would have fallen asleep just then. He felt a small touch on his belly and smiled at Magnus’s kisses to his belly and attempt to make everything calm down.

“Don’t worry monkeys. We’ve got it under control. Your dad are stronger than anyone thought possible. You just wait and see.”

Alec placed his hand on his belly too, and slowly laced his fingers with Magnus’s. He knew that Magnus was reassuring him just as much as the babies. Alec was amazed at Magnus’s faith in him, but even as he felt another contraction start he couldn’t deny that he trusted every word Magnus said. They would make this happen.

He tightened his had around Magnus’s and pushed the towel away. Magnus sat up straight on the chair and breathed deeply, clearly preparing himself. “Alright, alright. I’ve got you.”

He handed Alec the gas-mask at once but Alec didn’t put his to his face, this was different, he needed to talk. Alec pulled their joined hands tight to his own chest, making Magnus look him in the eyes, but only long desperate wheezes came out as his muscles contracted and moved his broken bones.

“What?” Magnus spoke loudly but there was no tremble to his voice. “Alexander, deep breaths. Take your time and tell me what you need.”

Alec kept his eyes firmly on Magnus’s and nodded. He took a few deep breaths, making enough room between them to get real words out. “I need…” His inside felt like everything moved and his muscles took over what little control he had of everything below his waist. “I… need… push.”

Magnus stood up and looked over Alec, but only for a second before he kissed his damp forehead quickly and lifted his hand with the mask up so he held it over his face. “Okay. You’ve got this.”

The security on Magnus’s face resonated with Alec even through him pulling the blanket off, and the shock of extra pain, when he moved Alec just a little to remove his sweatpants.

Magnus took hold of Alec’s lower leg and an electrifying burning spread from his hips and throughout Alec’s entire body, tearing a rough scream from his lungs. As soon as he’d gotten room to breathe he heaved in the gas fast. He could see his thighs trembling as he looked down but he didn’t feel it. Magnus had pushed them up so his feet was planted flat on the mattress and was supporting one knee. Alec hardly felt that over the pain either. It was getting hard not to follow what his body was telling him. He needed to push, everything felt wrong without it.

“Now…” he breathed out. “Mag…!”

Magnus nodded with a smile. “It’s alright, you’re ready.”

Alec clearly felt Magnus’s hand pushed down and between his cheeks, but the magic there was subtle. Alec had to trust that it was enough that in time, since there was no holding back anymore and he pushed at the feeling of strange pain moving lower. He screamed so he felt his throat getting raw instantly and pulled the sheet on both sides of his hips.

The contraction seemed to last forever and as he had to pause to breathe he still felt the urge to do it again. As he desperately took the mask from Magnus again and filled his lungs deeply to get ready for the second push, he could only think that there was no way a body would want to inflict that kind of pain on itself, but not even the now constant dark spots on his vision, could keep him from needing to do this. He pushed again and as he screamed he dropped the mask and instinctively reached down to grab his knees, not quite making it and ended up trashing his head hard back into the pillows behind him. For the first time he felt the pressure in his ass and the stretch burned just enough to spring to mind over the other pains. He gasped and to his horror he stopped pressing and clenched for only a second.

“It’s fine. You’re safe.” Magnus looked him in the eyes, clearly having seen his sudden hesitation. Alec breathed deeply and took Magnus’s free hand. As the pain subsided, he breathed deeper in the mask and slowly felt the gas make his head light.

Magnus stopped his magic and placed a kiss to Alec’s forehead as he lightly took hold of the mask. “One more deep breath and no more.”

Alec swallowed hard. The pain lingered longer than the other times and he didn’t want to let the mask go, but he agreed with a slow nod and breathed in deep and slow. He held on a short second as Magnus tried to take the mask, but let it go. He needed it soon again and no matter how good drunk sounded to him right now he didn’t want to be out of it and throwing up when he met his babies for the first time. Alec shivered and hadn’t realized why until Magnus took the hem of his tank top, soaked in sweat, and helped him pull it over his head.

Magnus smiled softly at Alec and brushed his thumb over Alec’s cheek, wiping away a tear and repeated it a few places on the other side. “I know, rough and painful doesn’t come close to explain this, but you’re doing great.” He sat down on the chair and wrong a towel. He took Alec’s one hand and washed the sweat of his forehead and neck with the other. “Everything is going as it should. You know I can’t open you by myself, I can only help when you’re doing it. Don’t be scared of it. Don’t hold back unless I tell you to stop, okay?”

Alec nodded and swallowed deep. He wasn’t scared, he’d just not anticipated how it felt. Every new feeling prompted a hesitation that he couldn’t get rid of. He lifted Magnus’s hand and kissed it. Alec’s hand clamped down hard on Magnus’s before he realized what was happening.

“Again?” Magnus dropped the towel and placed his hand firmly on the back of Alec’s neck.

Alec was already gasping and could only nod. It was going too fast, he’d hoped for something close to the four minutes of almost bliss like before, but not even a full minute had passed.

“Okay, it’s good.” Magnus placed his hand back and since the contraction was only just starting the feeling of magic inside his ass came thought stronger and he wasn’t sure if it was that or the pain that had his legs shaking.

“Alexander, Cariño?” Magnus handed him the mask and Alec heaved in a few deep breathes before the pain was enough that he needed both hands on his knees to push. The gas wasn’t doing much anyway.

Alec felt the stretching strongly this time, but even when the second push made it into a real pain, he didn’t fear it. Magnus looked so secure and calm and Alec focused only on his face. When his muscles loosened up again and he fell hard back into the pillows, growling and gasping for air, he felt the mask back on his face. Confused, he opened his eyes and looked straight into Magnus’s.

“It’s alright. If you can’t use it during the contractions, then let it at least get you a better break.

Alec closed his eyes and as the pain slowly lessened, he felt an eased smile on his lips as he closed his eyes. He sluggishly reached up and Magnus took it upon himself to catch his hand and held it to his lips for a few long seconds.

There was no time for wet towels or brushing away tears of exhaustion before Alec whimpered pitifully into the mask, indicating that his muscles were fighting him again. Magnus started to say something but Alec’s scream cut him off and he had his hand back in place instantly as Alec pushed hard and fast. This was stronger. Alec’s whole body shook and the scream ended in a long pained growl as he was still pushing when he ran out of air. His head felt light and his hands become numb. If it weren’t for the pain, flaring up in waves and shocks as he moved his legs to make more room, he would have been sure he was already on his way into unconsciousness. His eyes went dark and his neck gave up, letting his head lull back.

“Hey!” There was a light hand patting him on the cheek. “Cintaku! Don’t pass out on us. You’re almost there.”

Alec hummed and nodded, and with the half deep breath he got in, he instinctively grabbed hold on the back of his thighs, accepting the pain as he pulled his legs close and pushed again. He made no sound, there was no air for it. Magnus held his shoulder tight, not quite succeeding in supporting him while still having one hand on his ass. Alec didn't feel the magic but trusted it was there, keeping him safe and still hardly touching the babies. A sudden movement inside hand him pause for a second but quickly realized that the water rushing out of him was another step in the right direction, and for a brief moment remembered that there in fact was two babies that needed to come out this way.

“Keep going! Almost there.” For the first time in forever, Magnus was close to shouting at Alec.

As Alec’s sight turned black he let go of the pressure for a second and gasped fast, but there was no calming down or reducing of pain.

“Is it still going? Can you push again?”

Alec didn’t want to. He needed a break, but the contraction was still on a high and he nodded slightly and fast as he heaved in a new deep breath. The scorching pain in his pelvis was almost not important as the burning in his as increased. Again he didn’t breathe as he pushed, but when the stretch became too much to handle he gasped and let out a low growl, using what seemed to be that last trace of energy he had. Everything suddenly moved very fast back there and Magnus let go of Alec’s shoulder. The contraction stopped faster than ever before and Magnus hardly had both hands between Alec’s legs before Alec gasped for air, unexpectedly fighting unconsciousness again.

“Mag…” Alec leaned his head back a second to fill his lungs more, but didn’t give it enough time for a full breath. “Is…?”

The sound of a baby’s cry and Magnus’s relived sigh sounded almost at the same time. Alec didn’t even realize that he was reaching down before his hands followed the baby up as Magnus placed their first born on his still fast moving bare chest. Magnus covered Alec and the baby with the blanket fast but reached in just as fast to hold the little one’s hand. Alec could barely keep his head from dropping completely to the side as he refused the gas-mask Magnus offered. He was sure he’d be out completely if it weren’t for the lingering pain. Magnus turned Alec’s chin back and he only just noticed the water running over Magnus’s cheeks before Magnus kissed him deep and slow.

“You’re amazing.” Magnus’s voice cracked into a high-pitched squeak and Alec heard him swallow deep, but already had his eyes glued on the little miracle in his arms.

“Alexander, meet our daughter.”

* * *

With no regard for the pain, the movement could cause him, Alec pulled Magnus closer, making him sit on the edge of the mattress, close enough to wrap his arm around Alec and still let them both watch as their crying little girl accepted Magnus’s index finger in a strong grip.

“Shh.” Alec didn’t know if Magnus was hushing the girl, Alec or himself, but it didn’t matter; it was nice, it felt as if it was always supposed to be part of this. “Shh, little one,” Magnus whispered.

As if she understood or just felt the calmness entering the room, the baby quieted. Alec’s head fell heavily on Magnus’s shoulder and he felt a kiss on the top of his head. For a short second he took his eyes away from the girl and leaned is head back and kissed Magnus’s neck, tasting the salty tears that had made their way all the way there, and felt Magnus swallow deep. Two seconds were too long to have his eyes away from their baby and he looked at the little person. Her dark brown eyes looked up at him as if she were wondering what she’d tumbled into. They looked exactly like those perfect morning-moments when Magnus woke up with no makeup. Her light and pink skin, showing through the white waxy substance covering her, stood in beautiful contrast to the dark traces of what would definitely end up being straight, shiny black hair. He tugged the blanket a bit closer and covered her shoulders and Magnus’s hand.

“We should…” Alec swallowed, surprised that his voice was so raw, but more shocked that the sound broke the silence so rudely. “Catarina.” His lip quivered and with the small tense in Magnus’s arm, Alec didn’t need to look up at Magnus to know his reluctance to break the moment. None of them wanted back to reality, to know the truth. Alec was ready to sleep for days wrapped in Magnus’s arms and holding his daughter in his own. But they couldn’t. They couldn’t wait to make sure, and then there was her brother too.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered hardly loud enough that he knew Magnus could hear him. “We need to make sure.”

“Of course.” Magnus’s voice cracked as he moved his hand behind Alec’s shoulder and out of the corner of his eye Alec saw a fire message burn.

The door opened in seconds and Catarina walked in with almost hesitant steps, but as soon as she laid eyes on the girl, she smiled wide and picked up her pace. “I thought I heard the beautiful sound of a newborn.”

Alec swallowed as if it would help him to get any words out. It didn’t and he only just tilted his arm a little, letting Catarina look at the beautiful little face, but he kept the blanket close around Maria and Magnus’s hand.

“Who is this?” She sat down on the chair that Magnus hadn’t used in hours. Magnus rested his head lightly on Alec’s scalp and Alec understood that Magnus understood how exhausted he was and that it interfered with his ability to do anything.

“It’s Maria.” Magnus only managed a whisper, but cleared his throat and made real sounding words, though shaky. “She cried, you heard that, and she’s a good color, right?”

Catarina nodded and placed a hand on Magnus’s shoulder that somehow calmed Alec too. “I heard her, and yes she looks good.” She looked at Alec and silenced her voice a bit. “Can I take a look at her to make sure?”

Alec nodded but hesitated to move. He wanted his daughter to get help right away if she needed it, but he couldn’t bear to let her go. Magnus’s hand shook under the blanket, he didn’t move away either.

“I won’t take her from you.” She took her stethoscope from around her neck and placed it in her ears. “You hold her, okay?”

Alec breathed again and nodded as he let her pull the blanket down just enough to expose Maria’s hand still clamped around Magnus’s finger. Magnus hugged Alec a bit tighter and moved his and their baby’s hand a bit to the side, making room for Catarina. The small whimper from the little person indicated that the stethoscope was an unwelcome addition to the new world she was getting introduced to way too fast.

“It sounds good. I would have liked her too breathe a bit slower, but it could be the stress of it all.” She put the stethoscope back around her neck and sat down.

Alec didn’t know what was up and down, was this good or not? What if it wasn’t because of the stress from being born?

“Alec, Dear.” Catarina covered Maria again and placed her hand lightly on Alec’s upper arm. “She’s strong. We don’t need to do anything. I’ll give her a routine check in a little while, but nothing, absolutely _nothing_, is cause for concern.”

Alec looked at her for a few seconds, with barely open eyes, before he trusted her smile. Catarina nodded satisfied and took her bag from next to the bedside table. She offered Magnus a weird looking scissor. “I noticed you haven’t cut the cord yet.”

Magnus gasped and Alec couldn’t help but tilt his head back and kiss his cheek as Magnus straightened his back and unwrapped his arm from around Alec. The way Magnus had to move and turn to reach was unnatural and the motion made Alec’s pelvis flare up and shook pain throughout his middle again. He tried to hide the growl of pain, but Magnus clearly noticed and froze with regret in his eyes. Alec smiled and kissed him slowly. That Magnus was still able to hold the little one’s hand was still more important than his embrace of Alec and he could handle the pain to not break the magnificent connection.

Catarina had pushed the blanket to the side, so it was still over the baby, and clamped the cord. Alec felt Magnus’s lungs shutter as he cut the physical connection from their child to the womb. As soon as Magnus was sitting back again with his arm around Alec’s shoulders, Alec turned and kissed his shoulder and then stretched his neck into a deep kiss that shook from both of their trembling breaths and tasted of salty tears.

“Alec, Honey.” Catarina let the blanket be and placed her hand on Alec’s belly. “We don’t know how long we have before your boy wants out too.”

Alec drew in a big gulp of air. He was too tired, there was no way he had the strength to deliver a second baby yet.

“Hey,” Catarina cupped his cheek lightly just long enough that he was looking at her. “Don’t stress about it. It could still take some time, but I need to make sure that he’s in a good position.”

Alec wondered if he could do it half sitting up like he was. The pain of moving he would be able to handle, but he didn’t want to disturb their daughter as her eyes was blinking slower and she’d already made two adorable almost soundless yawns.

“It’s okay Alec.” Catarina had clearly understood his hesitation, though maybe not the real reason for it. “Let’s try like this first. I might be able to feel him just fine.”

Alec had forgotten how much pressure was needed to feel the baby. As soon as her hands pressed deep into his belly, the pain from the slight movement of his pelvis fought the discomfort in his middle for attention. Magnus’s arm tightened around him almost before he could react physically himself.

Magnus nudged Alec’s head down towards the girl on her chest. “Look at her.”

His breathing became a little easier to control, since his sole purpose became to calm everything around her.

Catarina took her time and when she finally covered him up and sat back, Alec’s shoulders dropped fast even though he hadn’t noticed them rising. She didn’t have to wait long for both her to have the undivided attention of both men.

“He’s in a breech position. He’s deep in your pelvis already so I think you should proceed, remember that we knew this might happen.

Alec shook his head slightly, trying to remember everything they’d talked about, but everything was a big mess.

Catarina pulled the chair as close as she could get and took Alec’s hand without moving it from holding the blanket over Maria. “Alec, Dear. We talked about this, remember?”

Alec shook his head. He _did_ remember the talk, he just didn’t remember any of the words. Magnus buried his hand in Alec’s hair on the back of his head and Alec followed his move to look up at him.

“Listen, Alexander.” He placed a quick kiss on Alec’s forehead and looked him in the eyes again. “If he’s already too deep, it might be dangerous for Catarina to try and turn him. Your pelvis could end up making damage around it and you’ll bleed out.” Magnus swallowed and took a deep slow breath. “I might loose both of you. We talked about this. It’s okay for him to be turned this way, he’s likely to come out just fine, and if anything happens you have not only one warlocks looking out for you, but _two._”

Alec had to take a few seconds to let Magnus’s steady voice and calm face settle with him, but eventually he felt his lungs slow down again and made a small smile before he looked at Catarina again. “You sure?”

“I am.” She squeezed his hand a little and smiled. “You’ll do great.”

* * *

Alec felt like his body was asleep in Magnus’s embrace and his head was empty, but he was very much awake. He hadn’t taken his eyes of Maria for over ten minutes and the only movement was Magnus’s thumb brushing Alec’s arm and the small smack of lips and tongue their daughter did in her sleep.

Catarina had joined Jace and Izzy in the living room. She’d asked if she should send them in, but Alec’s eyes welled up by just the thought of taking to anyone, basically at the thought of doing anything. Magnus had shook his head even before Alec had reacted. Magnus hadn’t even demanded to clean the water that broke with the last contraction and soaked the bed, he’d just made Alec promise that he would say something when it became too uncomfortable or if he began to get cold.

The last minute or so, Alec had felt something move inside again. It wasn’t big or painful but he got closer to having to shift his position, to make room for his body to do what it did.

“Alexander?” Magnus spoke quietly. “You alright, you’re not relaxing like before.”

Alec nodded but sighed as he realized that he needed to _do_ something now. “I think…” Feeling his lack of energy more again, he desperately kept focusing on the baby in his arms. “I’m not sure. I think it’s the afterbirth.”

“Okay.” Magnus kissed his temple and moved away slowly. Alec saw his lip quiver as he took his finger away from Maria’s hold. Alec sluggishly took Magnus’s hand and slowly kissed it and smiled at him before letting it go.

Magnus folded the blanket up slowly and Alec trembled from the colder air hitting his wet legs. Carefully, Magnus pushed Alec’s legs up again and tears spilled from Alec’s eyes as the pain flared up and his entire existence became about holding his girl safely.

“You might need to push a little, Cariño.” Magnus sounded determined but almost remorseful.

Alec nodded and took a deep breath to push. Except from the movement in his pelvis, he hardly felt it. Alec let out an airy high-pitched whimper as Magnus helped his legs down into a more relaxed position again. When his head dropped heavily back into the pillows, he felt the water and cold disappear and when the blanket came back over his legs it was dry and warm.

Magnus sat down on the chair and lightly cupped Alec’s cheek with a steady hand. “How are you feeling, Alexander?”

Alec kept his eyes closed and his head lying heavily, facing the ceiling. He sighed before he spoke with only a whisper. “Perfect.”

Magnus turned Alec’s head slowly towards himself and when Alec looked at him, Magnus’s smile was forced. “I’m getting Catarina back in here to check on you.”

Alec shook his head, but sent him an overbearing smile. He was sure everything was just as it should be, but Magnus was on edge and with Alec’s energy levels not really existing, it wasn’t important to argue. Magnus might be reassured faster if Catarina just told him.

Magnus walked to the door this time and stepped back to let her through as he quickly explained his worry about Alec being this lethargic. Catarina sat down next to him and Alec instinctively tensed his arms, making sure she couldn’t pry his hands from the little girl lying calmly on his chest. Catarina just smiled and placed a hand on his wrist, not moving it as she checked his pulse.

She looked back at Magnus and Alec’s eyes followed. When he noticed the shadows of people moving in the light from the living room, his stomach churned. Izzy and Jace. He was too tired to deal with more people than him and Magnus. Catarina was pushing the limit. However, he couldn’t deny the toll it had on him that his siblings were right out there. He needed to see them soon, not only for their sakes.

“Honey?” Catarina rubbed his upper arm with a light hand. “Magnus is worried about you being tired. Your pulse is normal, but I think he’s right that we should check for bleeding.”

“I’m not bleeding. Everything is dry.”

“I know Dear,” Catarina said calmly. “but if you are bleeding internally from the breaks in the pelvis, we’ve already waited too long.”

“I’m not.” Alec looked up at Magnus, who was looking too small standing too far away. “Magnus, I’m not bleeding. I’m not cold. I’m just tired.” He reached out with one hand for Magnus to take, and Magnus quickly came close and kneeled next to the bed, kissing Alec’s hand.

“Please, let her check.” Magnus’s eyes were watering. “You need to do this again any minute and if you’re already bleeding… if I didn’t do it right…”

“Magnus.” Alec let go of Magnus’s hand and held the back of his head, making him look up at him. “You did _everything_ right. I’ll let her check, but you don’t doubt yourself, not after everything we’ve been through, okay?”

Magnus nodded and Alec caught a tear running over his cheek and took Magnus’s hand. Gathering a bit of momentum after the long speech, Alec slowly lifted Magnus’s hand up. Magnus followed to sit on the edge of the mattress as Alec placed the slightly shaking palm, cradling the little girl’s head. Magnus sighed and kissed Alec’s temple as Alec nodded at Catarina.

Catarina folded up the blanket, only to his knees and took hold of his ankle.

“No magic.” Alec knew they’d already used magic, but that was for something that couldn’t be helped. The book said clearly that magic should be limited to only lifesaving purposes.

“Only if you need it. I know.” She pushed her fingertips firmly on the side of his ankle and then on the back of his knee.

Alec knew Magnus was following her every move, so there was no reason for him to not let his head drop to Magnus’s shoulder and rest his eyes on the baby, slowly moving more and beginning to blink her eyes open. When Catarina had checked his pulse on the other side too and covered his feet again, she picked up a blood pressure cuff, and with no words Alec and Magnus shifted so she could wrap it around Alec’s arm.

“Catarina?” Magnus’s voice was coming through stronger, but Alec still felt the shaking in his chest as he spoke. “Is he alright?”

Catarina turned on the machine and looked at Magnus with a soft smile. “His pulse is strong and even throughout his body, he’s not pale and he’s keeping a normal temperature. Even though he’s clearly tired he’s alert and speaking clearly. Magnus, you broke the pelvis, without damaging anything around it.”

“But it can still happen? If he moves wrong?”

Catarina held on to both Magnus’s and Alec’s shoulder. “Everything is going accordingly to plan. You two are doing an amazing job. If anything happens I’m here and we’ll get you back on track.”

Alec heard Magnus swallow hard and instinctively he moved his head a bit up to lean his temple on Magnus’s chin. Maria was beginning to stir more, maybe it was from all the talking or the buzzing from the machine around Alec’s arm. Her small fingers stretched out and then formed a tiny little fist in Alec’s dark chest hair. She did it two more times before Magnus took her hand and let her wrap her strong grip around his finger again. Alec sighed and blinked slowly, as he leaned back and kissed Magnus’s neck.

When he lowered his face again, his eyes caught the light from the living room, but just a slight sliver made it through the half open door. The shadows from before was taking up more room. Alec blinked away the burning in his eyes and swallowed the lump he once again had build in his throat.

“Magnus,” he whispered as Catarina took the cuff of him again. Magnus looked down and Alec just nodded at the door. They shared a short smile and as Catarina picked up on it, Magnus gestured with a small nod that she could open the door.

For a second Jace kept his embrace around Izzy as they both looked up. Alec’s siblings hugged once in a while, but Alec wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Izzy’s temple rested on Jace’s chest and Jace’s hand brushing slowly up and down her back. Even from across the room he could see two sets of red eyes looking at him.

“Jace. Izzy,” Alec said, not quite hiding the crack in his voice. “It’s okay. Come meet Maria.”

Jace and Izzy shared a quick look and then he turned her towards the door and followed her into the room.

Tears were running over Izzy’s cheeks before she reached the bed. She sat down slowly on the chair and leaned in close to see. Jace stood next to her, closer to Magnus and the headboard. He kept eyes contact with Alec until they both had to blink tears away.

“Are you alright?” Jace’s voice was raw and hardly understandable.

Alec could only nod, but Magnus answered with a reassuring and confident smile. “He is. Everything is just as it should be.”

Alec saw his sister struggle with tearing her eyes from her niece, and finally locking eyes with him. “Alec. Are you in pain?”

He looked at both his siblings before he focused at his daughter with a smile and shook his head. “Not enough that it matters right now.”

Jace leaned in, getting a better look at the girl. “Catarina said that her lungs are good?”

Magnus nodded and brushed his finger over the baby’s forehead, they all watched as she stretched with a yawn and blinked her eyes open, looking at her fathers. “Catarina will keep an eye on her, but she’s fine. She’s perfect.”

Izzy sniffled and they all looked at her as she reached in and pulled the blanket down only and inch for her to see her face completely. “She sure is.”

The tension in Alec’s middle was terribly familiar, but came as a surprise and he gasped loudly, holding back in curling up around his baby girl.

“Alec?!” Jace grabbed his shoulders and held him steady.

Izzy stood up and made space for Catarina. Everyone move around him, except Magnus who only brushed his upper arm and shoulder firmer. He turned his head and spoke quietly next to Alec’s ear. “Shh, Cariño. Is it starting again?”

Alec nodded and grabbed Jace’s wrist hard with a shaking hand. Someone held the mask close to his face but he pulled away and shook his head. “Honey, take it,” Catarina said almost inaudible through the blood rushing past his ears.

As the pain subsided rather quickly, Alec didn’t believe it was over and kept his eyes closed and his hand locked on Jace.

“Is it normal to come this sudden?” Jace sounded worried and slowly Alec began to feel Izzy’s nervously shaking hand on his knee too.

Catarina, very carefully sat up on the wide side of the bed and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder. She suddenly felt closer than before and somehow threatening. “It’s normal. Alec the contractions will come fast right away. You have to be ready now. Please take the mask.”

Alec’s eyes burned and his breathing sped up. He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t strong enough. He turned his head and pressed his face deep into the crease of Magnus’s neck. “Not yet. I can’t.”

Magnus unwrapped himself from around Alec and in under a second he stood in front of him, holding Alec’s face in both hands. “You can do this. Let Catarina take Maria and then welcome our son too.”

With blurry vision and his hand still crampingly stuck to Jace, Alec felt tears running over his face and his breathing speed up. “I’m too tired.” His voice broke and he swallowed hard to not start full on sobbing.

“Alec.” Catarina’s hand on his shoulder got a bit tighter. “You can’t do this with Maria. Let me check her over in the meanwhile.”

“No…” Alec only whispered. He just realized that it hadn’t been a coincidence that no one else had held her. He couldn’t let her go. Not that he wouldn’t, he couldn’t _physically_ let go of her and not have her close. The babies were a part of him and he wasn’t ready for her to be just an inch away from him.

“Hey.” Izzy walked around and climbed up next to Catarina, almost completely blocking his vision of the doctor. “Let me hold my God-daughter. Please”

For the first time in his life, Alec understood the word heartstrings. As he hesitant and gasping for air, moved his arm, letting Izzy lift his baby, he felt them literally tightening around his heart as if they were attached to Maria and was pulled tighter the longer away she moved.

Izzy cried just as much as Alec as she moved back and off the bed. Alec could barely see Catarina wrap an arm around har shoulders and turn her towards the door. “Don’t worry, Alec, she’s healthy and safe.” Even Catarina’s voice were strained now.

“Don't… Cat…” Alec pulled himself up by pulling both Magnus’s and Jace’s wrists. “Cat, don’t scan her with magic. I… I know it’s safe now but…”

“Alec.” Catarina turned and looked at him with a soft smile. “I won’t. I promise you, she won’t feel anything, magic or otherwise. I’m mostly just looking at her and measuring her. You know that. She’ll be right back in your arms as soon as her brother is there too.”

She turned and lead Izzy out the door. Alec’s heart skipped a beat when he heard the door close.

“Alexander. Look at me.” Magnus sat down on the edge of the bed, next to Alec’s thighs. He took Alec’s hand from where it had made a red print on his arm. “Sweetie. You tell me as soon as the next contraction starts and I’ll give you the mask.”

Alec shook his head as he let it plummet back against the pillows. “I’m done. Magnus I can’t anymore.”

Jace’s free hand landed hard on Alec’s opposite shoulder. “I know it’s too much, trust me I feel that you’re close to giving up. But I know that you’re stronger than this.” He pried Alec’s hand from around his wrist and held it in both of his. “When someone else need you, you always pull through. This is your _son_. _He_ needs you.”

Alec couldn’t help the deep sob leaving his throat as he looked down at Magnus. They both had so much trust in him. He breathed in deep and nodded to Magnus, to get the gas ready. Jace stood up straight and squeezed Alec’s hand before loosening his grip, but Alec quickly held on tight to his fingers and locked eyes with his brother. “Can you stay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a comment on the last chapter that prompted me to go more in depth with the medical stuff in this. Before reading it I was going back and forth on making a deal out of the possible bleeding in the pelvis or just mentioning it. But it of course ended up being a whole theme and extra layer to Magnus's worry. I guess we should all expect me to grasp at any opportunity for angst by now.
> 
> When I started writing this chapter I thought I would have to explain myself for it being so short, and hoping it would make up for it by being powerful and emotional, but it ended up being within the same length as the other chapters. I guess I just can't help myself.  
I hope you liked it.


	30. Breathless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is going into the second birth. He's exhausted and the boy is breech so they have their odds stacked against them. Magnus and Jace does their best to get Alec through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost been a month since the last chapter, and with the cliffhanger I left you guys on, I apologize.  
In January I'd had enough of my workplace and gave notice. My last day was 15th of May and I've used the weeks before to get ready to move. This Monday/Tuesday (it's a long trip) I flew back home and yesterday was the first day where I felt kinda settled. I've been waiting for too long to be able to write this. Trust me I suffer right along with you.  
If I ever take a long time to post again, take a look at my tumblr @its-me-theicequeen; I'll try to give updates as to why and when on there.
> 
> This is a short chapter, but I needed to get something up for you now. I hope you like it.  
Disclaimer (even though I'm not sure I need it anymore): I don't have any education in the medical field, so there will probably be medical inaccuracies in this chapter (too).

The next contraction came fast and strong and Magnus had trouble holding the mask to Alec’s mouth and nose. The whining growls from Alec made Magnus’s stomach churn and his heart beat so he could feel it pounding in his chest. Jace looked like he hated it just as much as Magnus.

Alec slowly became quiet and his hands loosened in Magnus and Jace’s. With a small whimper, his head dropped to the side and landed on Jace’s shoulder.

Magnus took the mask away slowly and caressed Alec’s cheek lightly with his fingers. “Alexander?”

Alec swallowed and seemed to get his breathing slowed a bit. “I think I need to push next time.” His voice was cracking and weak. Magnus was sure he was going to cry in a second.

“Okay, Cariño. Let’s get ready.”

Alec shook his head slowly, but didn’t object. There was no way in Magnus’s mind that Alec would come through and do this perfectly, but he was running out of ways to convince Alec, so he kept his mind on what needed to be done.

“Jace. I think you should sit behind him, he need all the support he can get, so he doesn’t use unnecessary energy.” Magnus kept his voice calm. He couldn’t give in to the urge and start shedding tears matching the ones now rolling slowly over Alec’s face.

Magnus held Alec’s shoulders and tried to steady him enough that his pelvis wouldn't hurt as Jace silently climbed into the bed and sat against the headboard. Alec hissed and tensed up nonetheless and when he was leaned against Jace’s chest he filled his lungs desperately fast.

“Here.” Magnus handed Jace the mask. “It’s too much for him to have it when he’s pushing, so give it to him in-between the contractions.”

Alec pulled away from the mask slowly, but Magnus took his chin and turned his head back to look him in the eyes. “You’ll want it, you know that.”

“Not yet. Magnus not now…”

“Yes now.” Magnus moved Jace’s hand with the mask on his mouth and nose. He looked at Jace and Jace nodded and supported Alec’s hand with the other hand too.

“Deep breaths.” Magnus took hold on Alec’s leg, firmly enough that he’d convinced himself that he had to do it now and he lifted and bent the leg, trying his best to ignore Alec’s growling of pain into the mask. As he moved the other leg too, Alec cried out loudly and his entire body shook.

“It’s alright, Alec.” Jace had let Alec’s head rest on his shoulder and held it only with the mask and was clutching Alec’s hand hard. “You’ve got this. I’m not fighting Catarina to get in here this time; scream as much as you need.”

Magnus noticed a seldom almost not audible chuckle from Alec. For a second he looked over Alec, covered from the waist down, with bent legs and his naked upper body leaned back in Jace’s strong grip. He made a few seconds eye-contact with Jace, who was clearly both frightened and confused, before nodding at him and snapping his fingers. A white sheet appeared hanging from nothing, shielding Alec’s lower half from his brother’s view. Alec gasped as he heard the magic and only had time to understand and not relax before he growled and pulled his chin to his chest.

Magnus pulled the blanket off Alec’s legs and held his hand between his ass cheeks and started the magic again. Fortunately, he didn’t need to do much after the birth of their girl.

Alec’s fast breathing stopped and he tensed his entire body as he pushed. He was tired, too tired. Alec wasn’t pushing as hard as before and the baby didn’t move down as fast as he’d wanted to see. “C’mon, Alexander. More.” As Magnus looked at Alec’s distorted face and shaking hands in Jace’s he hated himself for demanding more of him.

Alec heaved in air and let out a whimpering sob as his lulled back at Jace’s shoulder. Magnus felt Alec’s belly and the tension and slight shaking told him that the contraction wasn’t close to over.

“Sweetie. Again.”

Alec sighed another sob out and clutched harder on Jace’s hands as he breathed in fast and pressed his chin to his chest again.

“Good, good.” Magnus felt movement and pulled his hand away. “You’re doing great keep it as long as you can.” Alec was dilated to the point where Magnus couldn’t do more and Alec had to do what little there was left on his own. The baby was already visible and slowly Magnus realized what exactly he was seeing.

Alec’s legs went limp and Magnus had to steady them so he wouldn’t hurt himself with letting them drop to the side too fast.

“Alexander. I see him.” Magnus looked over the sheet and found Alec’s half closed eyes lighting up his sweat drenched face. Jace caught his face with the mask as it lulled to the side. “Alexander. I can see his bum and part of one of his feet. I’ll help him a bit on the way, before the next one. It won’t be long now.”

Magnus didn’t get a reaction and decided that he needed to get this done now, if the contraction’s came as close as with the girl. He took a deep breath and pushed three fingers in next to the foot. Alec hummed disapproving.

“Hang on Alec.” Jace sounded stressed but not as scared as he’d been before. “Magnus knows what he’s doing, and you’re almost done.”

Magnus knew what he was doing alright. Catarina had drilled him with every possible outcome and he’d done countless hours of research on everything. Still he felt like he was in way too deep. He would surely had panicked if Catarina weren’t on the other side of the door.

Carefully he bend his fingers around the foot and ankle and pulled it passed the rim of the opening. Alec gasped loudly and shook almost violently for a few seconds.

“Am I hurting you?” Magnus wasn’t sure if he could hurt Alec more than he pelvis and his contractions were.

“N-no.” Alec fought to control his breathing. “Just… a lot.”

“I know. One of his legs are out. I’m sorry, but I have to try for the other too.” Magnus didn’t hear Alec answer but saw his toes curl. He didn’t see the other leg, but from the boy’s behind and the leg already out he knew where to push in his hand flat against the baby. He had to use four fingers to get in long enough, and Alec seemed to be pulling Jace to get away from the feeling. Silently and concentrated, Magnus kept going and followed the thigh up and was relieved that the knee was bend. It made it easier to find the foot and get his fingers curved around it.

“Magnus…” Alec hissed out. Magnus didn’t have time to react before everything tightened around his fingers and the boy.

“Mag…” Alec cried and Magnus could feel his fear pulling him towards the floor.

“It’s fine.” He looked over the sheet and forced a smile. “It’s safe. Push and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Alec reached back and grabbed both of Jace’s shoulders and Jace quickly wrapped an arm around Alec’s chest and supported his head with the other hand. The push was strong and Magnus almost lost hold of the foot, but used the movement in Alec to pull his fingers out like a hook around the foot and watched the leg follow.

A cry split the room and Alec paused. The sudden movement must have jolted his pelvis. Magnus supported the baby's legs and lower back.

“I’ve got you.” Jace seemed to be struggling, and Alec was clearly moving his arms a lot. “Alec. C’mon keep going.”

Alec growled loudly and Magnus felt the baby move fast now. The umbilical cord looked the same color as the one he’d cut no more than twenty minutes ago and Magnus breathed a bit easier as he realized that they didn’t need to worry about it being squeezed or twisted. Alec became limp again and Magnus had to help the arms out.

“One more contraction and he’s out. You’re doing so good.” Magnus’s voice was raw but clear still. It was getting hard to control his shaking hands as he held the boy's back and belly to support him. He reminded himself that it was expected that he wouldn’t move his little arms and legs much before he was all the way out.

The only sound from Alec was the loud breathing into the mask. Magnus looked over the sheet and met Jace’s eyes, begging for an update that was clearer.

“Jace take the mask off, he’s breathing too fast.”

Alec whimpered as the mask left his face and Jace quickly grabbed folded his now free arm around his brother’s chest. “Alec. Soon, okay. Magnus said only one more.”

“No…” Alec cried. “I can’t.”

Magnus swallowed deep, not to let his burning eyes spill tears yet, and Jace spoke first. “You have to. Alec you _can_.”

Alec shook his head and let out a sob, but then looked straight at Magnus, fear painted over his face.

“Alright, Alexander. Last time.” Magnus nodded at Jace to take over that part of Alec and again concentrated on their baby.

There was no movement. Alec worked hard and Magnus could feel his whole body shake, but nothing happened.

“Jace! Take his knees!”

Jace promptly followed through and grabbed Alec’s knees, folding the sheet around them, and pulled them closer to Alec. Alec screamed and heaved loudly for air.

“Sorry, Cintaku. I’m so sorry. More, Jace.”

Alec cried out again but soon had to give in to the urge to push and fought hard again. The little body in Magnus’s hands suddenly seemed more limp and Magnus was sure he was turning blue. He knew it might be easier on Alec if he turned the boy face down, but it should be easy and right now there was too much resistance for it to be safe. Magnus placed his hand on the child’s chest and quickly pushed his fingers in to find the nose and mouth. Alec had stopped pushing and it made it easier to make room for air to move between his palm and the boy’s face.

“It has to be now. Alexander!” Magnus couldn’t see if the body in his hands was changing color yet.

“Alec! Now. One last time, c’mon!” Jace wasn’t letting Alec’s legs go and his demand would have gotten even Magnus to stand at attention if it had been directed at him.

Alec heaved in a deep breath and pushed again. Instantly it became easy and natural to turn the boy around and slowly his head moved out too.

Alec’s scream was more a loud shaking cry than anything else and then his only movement was from his rapid breathing.

“Ma…” Alec gasped the half word. “Is he…? Magnus?”

Magnus held the little boy, with a black marking covering most of his back, face down and rubbed his back. When nothing happened he quickly turned him and laid him between Alec’s bet legs.

“Magnus?!” Alec started shifting and his voice was higher, but Magnus needed to concentrate on one thing now. “Magnus! Jace! Why isn’t he crying?!”

“Alec. Give Magnus time.” Jace was struggling again, most likely with holding Alec still and not letting him hurt himself.

Magnus used the little suction device to get the boy’s nose clear and the boy’s head shifted and he opened his eyes. Magnus quickly picked him up and cradled him in his arm, while rubbing his chest. “Hey, you. C’mon, wake up properly.”

“Mag…?” Alec’s panicked voice cracked and his breathing was still getting more shallow and fast.

The first sound was only a little squeak, but followed by a loud cry. Magnus felt his knees weaken and wondered for a second if he needed to sit down, but the look on Alec’s exhausted face, wet from sweat and tears, had him pause and smile. “It’s alright, Sweetie. He’s all good.”

With his eyes closing slowly Alec let his head drop back on Jace’s shoulder and he drew in a long shaking breath. His hands let go of Jace’s arms and dropped to his stomach.

“Alexander?!”

Alec hummed almost not perceptible and Magnus’s stomach dropped. He must be bleeding around his pelvis. Magnus had his magic going before he’d finished calling Catarina’s name. With one hand he aimed it at Alec’s hips starting to detect from where it was most likely Alec’s troubles laid. He never saw his magic touch Alec, as his vision disappeared into green and blue.

“Magnus!” Jace’s voice was close and suddenly there was a set of strong hands on his shoulders and someone took his baby boy from his arm.

* * *

“Magnus, Darling? Are you with us?” Catarina was right in front of his face but Magnus was sitting down before he saw her clearly.

“Alec?” Magnus couldn’t focus on much more than Catarina, but she should be helping Alec right now.

“I’m okay. I’m only tired.” Alec sounded just as worried about him as he was of Alec just a split second ago. “Magnus? Love? Can you look at me?”

Catarina moved a little and Magnus looked over her shoulder towards Alec’s voice. Slowly, he found the shape of the bed and soon after he could focus enough to see his Alec holding their little boy. Alec was sloped over like he’d tried to get up and Jace was next to him, preventing him from falling of the bed. Magnus smiled as he saw the healthy colors on both his husband and his son.

“Jace.” Catarina, demanded his attention. “A little help?”

Magnus didn’t want Jace to leave Alec’s side, he didn’t even wanted him to move him the two inches it took to get him steady. “I’m good, Jace.” He sat his feet firmly on the floor but the muscles in his legs wasn’t lifting him of the chair.

Jace took Magnus’s one upper arm and Catarina took the other and without him following completely what was happening, he soon was sitting against quite a lot of pillows on his own side of the bed.

“Cat…” Magnus failed to take hold of her wrist as she stood up. “His legs.”

Catarina smiled at Magnus and slowly placed his hand on Alec’s free. “I’ll help Alec get comfortable. You’re exhausted and if you want to use magic without hurting yourself within the next week, you need just as much rest as he does.”

Magnus held Alec’s hand tight as Catarina carefully moved Alec’s legs down and made sure he was completely covered. Alec dropped his head on Magnus’s shoulder and Magnus’s head landed heavily on the top of Alec’s. AJ had stopped crying though it all and was no just looking up at his fathers. Magnus couldn’t care less about using magic. Jace covered AJ with a small blanket and made sure that Alec’s hold on him was secure enough.

Alec slowly lifted Magnus’s hand to their baby and as Magnus featherlight caressed the small face, the boy took a hold of his thumb. Again Magnus had trouble seeing, but this time from tears of joy and relief. Alec lifted his head, making Magnus do the same, and looked at Catarina.

“Where’s Maria? Is she okay?”

Catarina turned to open the door and Izzy slowly took a few steps into the room with her niece neatly wrapped in her arms. Catarina took a bottle from the table right outside the door. “She’s a lively one. I think she’s hungry.”

She handed the bottle to Izzy and picked up one of the small oxygen tanks from the floor. Magnus frowned as he quickly let his eyes follow the thin tubing to Izzy’s side and up to the bundle in her arms. Alec had clearly gotten there just as fast.

“Iz…! What…?!” Alec’s deep voice seemed to be gone for good.

Jace was by her side in a second looking at the girl and then at Alec. Magnus couldn’t detect if he were reassured, frightened or more confused from the sight.

“It’s alright Alec.” Izzy smiled and calmly handed the bottle to Jace and took the tank from Catarina. “It’s just a precaution since she was breathing a bit fast.”

Alec looked up at Magnus and then at Maria as Izzy handed Magnus his little girl. She was just as perfect as before, just as pink and her eyes had the same shine. And she was just as tiny and light as he remembered when he laid her on Alec’s chest. The little tube under her nose didn’t even make her look weak or sick. Magnus swallowed and looked from the girl in his arm to the boy in Alec’s. Alec kissed Magnus’s cheek and Magnus turned his head to join their lips in a long and deep connection.

Maria squirmed and made a small and ever so beautiful squeak.

“Jace, the bottle.” Catarina was almost laughing as she said it.

Jace came alive as if he’d just remembered that he was holding something. Alec let go of Magnus’s hand and Magnus held the tip of the bottle to the girl’s lips. She caught on quickly and sucked greedily. Alec’s head leaned on Magnus’s shoulder just long enough that Magnus heard him sniffle, but then he straightened again and looked at Catarina.

“And AJ?” Alec whispered, maybe not to disturb the girl eating. “He didn’t breathe right away.”

Catarina sat down next to Alec and smiled at him before she gently removed the blanket a bit to the side and took a look at the boy lying on his back in Alec’s arm.

“How long was it, Magnus?” Catarina didn’t look worried, but Magnus took his time to make sure he gave his best estimate.

“Not more than one and a half minute all in all.” Magnus found himself whispering too and turning his head not to talk directly at his girl. “It all happened fast in the end. He breathed after less than thirty seconds after he was born.”

Catarina nodded with a big smile and looked quickly to Jace for confirmation, which he gave as Izzy wrapped an arm around his shoulder and sat him down on a chair by the foot end of the bed.

“He looks good. Awake and alert, and with the sound of that crying he did when I came in here, he definitely has gotten everything working. You have nothing to be worried about.” Catarina was already clamping the cord and finding the scissors as she spoke. “Who is going to cut the cord then?”

Magnus locked eyes with Alec shortly but they both already knew that even if Magnus wasn’t feeding their baby girl he wasn’t strong enough to move from where he was sitting. At the same time Magnus and Alec smiled, nodded, and looked at an exhausted Jace, hardly holding himself upright on the chair without Izzy’s support. Jace’s smile provoked a single tear to leave his eye but he shook his head and took Izzy’s hand as he looked up at her.

Izzy took a small step back, making Jace fight to get his balance and not drop to the floor. She looked back at Magnus and Alec. Magnus couldn’t see Alec’s face, but was sure he was smiling as he nodded at her, just as Magnus was.

Catarina reached for her hand and slowly Izzy moved closer and took the scissors. Magnus wanted to reach over and calm her shaking hands but he couldn’t. Thankfully, Catarina took hold of Izzy and guided her hand. Magnus was sure that the tears rolling over her face made it impossible to see what she was doing.

Catarina listened to the boy’s lungs and heart and held his little hands for a few seconds before wrapping him and Alec’s arm in the blanket again. “Alright. Perfect,” she said as she stepped back.

“Izzy.” Alec spoke quietly still, but Izzy stopped and seemed to understand. She came close enough for Alec to reach over and hold her hand and to look down at her nephew.

“Has…” She looked up at Magnus and swallowed a hiccup for air.

Magnus wasn’t sure what she wanted to ask but kept his eyes locked on her as she tried again.

“Did you see…? Does he have a warlock-mark?”

Only now did Magnus remember that his son was a warlock for sure. How could he have seen the black on his back and not given it a single thought?

“Magnus?” Alec looked questioning at him and then back at their son. They could only see his face and one arm now, but as far as Magnus knew, Alec had only seen him from the front yet.

“He does.” Magnus smiled at Alec as he looked up, more curious than he’d ever seen him. “Alexander, he has a black mark on his back. It all happened so fast and I didn’t see it clearly, but I’m sure it’s a rune.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry I haven't forgotten about healing Alec, Maria's second name, and the family waiting for answers. I just needed to get you something now, so this is like half a chapter. I'll get to all of it. 
> 
> Some of you have asked/wondered how far I'll continue this. I have an endgame in mind, but rest assured that we're not there yet.


	31. Puzzle pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calmness settles with the family, but Alec is till in pain and Magnus is over worked. It's not easy to deal with, especially since Alec isn't the only one with separation anxiety anymore.   
Then there's the whole family in New York and the question about Maria's middle name.

Maria was losing interest in the bottle just as AJ figured out how to work with his. Alec couldn’t bear to move his boy and had decided, much to Jace’s disappointment, that he would wait with looking at the rune until he’d eaten.

Catarina had magically changed the sheets after the second afterbirth, which Alec had only felt since he had to move his pelvis a little. Even if he had it healed already he didn’t want to move an inch. Magnus sitting close next to him holding their daughter while Alec was feeding their son just inches from her. They looked almost exactly the same. Alec couldn’t believe his luck that he now would have three pairs of Magnus’s gorgeous eyes around him. The babies were the same size, a little on the small side but big for being born in week 33. Magnus’s hand supported Maria’s head carefully, even though Alec saw convinced she laid perfectly save in Magnus’s other arm. She was looking quietly up at Magnus as he brushed his thumb feather light over her thin traces of pitch black hair. AJ was eagerly sucking on the bottle, making adorable smacking- and clicking noises with his mouth. His hair was just as black but thicker already and a few curls had formed after Catarina had dried him a little.

Izzy turned on a floor lamp as she came back into the room. Alec hadn’t even seen her leave or noticed the room getting darker. She pulled the armchair from the living room with her and practically lifted Jace there herself. Alec _had_ noticed that Jace was starting to sway on the dining chair. Catarina sat down next to Alec’s side of the bed, and moved the lamp on the nightstand further away and turned that on too.

“He’s hungry, huh?”

Not wanting to add to the sounds disturbing the moment, Alec nodded with a smile. Catarina fiddled with something she’d carried with her and held up a small tube like the one under Maria’s nose. “I didn’t want to interrupt while he was figuring out the bottle, but he clearly has that down now.”

Alec looked from her to Izzy and to Magnus and shook his head at him in confusion.

Magnus straightened his back a little, but froze when Alec hissed from his pelvis moving. “Why? You said he was alright.”

“Magnus. Alec,” she said overbearingly. “Alec Dear, look at me.” She took Alec’s chin in a light hold and turned him back to look at her. Alec immediately that he’d overreacted, again. “You two need to stop expecting everything to go wrong. It won’t. They are both good. He’s born early and it was more stressful for him than a normal birth. Alec, you know that a little oxygen can make it a bit easier to relax even if you’re not in any danger. Let’s give him that, okay?”

Alec bit his lip and nodded, but didn’t move AJ in his arm. Catarina stood up and placed the short tubes into his nose and tugged the tubing behind his head for now. They could secure it after he was done eating. AJ only paused for a second and closed his eyes, but was back to drinking before Catarina had sat down. Magnus chuckled and kissed Alec’s cheek. “He looks like you.”

Alec couldn’t see it. There was something familiar about the way he crinkled his little nose though, but Alec was sure Magnus had talked about the eating anyway.

“I’ll check him over when he’s done eating, you can hold him while I do it.” As she stood up, she placed a heavy hand on Alec’s shoulder and smiled kindly at him when he looked up. She went for the door, but Magnus cleared his throat and stopped her. “Cat…” All of a sudden he sounded almost desperate. “Alec. You need to heal him.”

“Not now.” Alec cut in quickly before Catarina could answer. “Magnus, let’s wait a bit.”

Magnus looked Alec in the eyes and shook his head. “You’re in pain.”

Alec looked at Maria and AJ lying peacefully so close to them. AJ was slowly losing interest for the bottle. “No Love.” He smiled took a deep breath to keep his eyes from burning. “I’m really not.”

“If you’re comfortable with it,” Catarina looked at Alec. “we can wait till after I’ve checked on AJ. You should lie down while I heal you.”

“Alexander, let’s do it now.” Magnus sounded as if he was close to crying, but when Alec looked at him he was sure it was mostly because of exhaustion.

Catarina came over to Magnus and placed a hand on his shoulder. “If Alec is okay with the pain right now and he doesn’t move, it’s safe to wait a little.” She looked at Alec again. “But we should do it soon, you need rest.”

Alec didn’t want to do it so soon. He didn’t want to move to lie down and he didn’t want to let go of AJ or let Maria out of his sight. He nodded anyway, because he was sure Magnus would soon break the promise that he would never use magic on Alec when he didn’t want it. And Alec wasn’t sure Magnus could do that right now; he looked just as beat as Alec felt.

* * *

For a moment after Catarina left, silence filled the room. Too soon AJ finished eating and Alec felt his heart clenching when he realized that the moment was over.

“Alec?” Izzy whispered. She was sitting on the armrest of the chair where Jace was sitting. She didn’t move. She had her hand on Jace’s shoulder and he had his hand on hers. Both looking at the family of four in the bed. “Alec? Is he finished?”

Alec looked down at his son and bit his lip, taking the bottle away. Izzy came over and Jace followed quietly. She placed the bottle on the nightstand and sat down on the chair Catarina had been using. “Take a moment to breathe.” She took Alec’s free hand and carefully brushed her free hand over AJ’s scalp.

“Iz…” Alec suddenly felt horribly selfish. “We need to call mom and the others.”

Izzy looked quickly up at Jace before smiling at Alec. “I did. Alec, I’ve talked to them all the way through. You know that, right?”

Alec nodded. He remembered Izzy leaving the room with the phones when they couldn’t find Magnus and that she still, almost all the time, had a phone in her hand even after that. “But after?”

She squeezed his hand and leaned in to look him in the eyes. “I called after each birth. They know that you’re all safe.”

Alec’s eyes burned and he swallowed hard. It caught him completely off guard that he had to blink fast to hold the salty water from falling. Izzy clearly noticed and as fast as Magnus hand a hand on Alec’s shoulder, she had one on the other. “Let Catarina check on AJ first. I’m sure you can call mom before you have to lie down.”

“Alexander,” Magnus cut in.

“It’s alright.” Alec looked his husband in the eyes and smiled before kissing him lightly on the mouth. “It won’t take long and Catarina will heal me right after. You want to talk to her too.”

Magnus surrendered with a small smile. Alec knew that he needed to talk to Maryse just as bad as he did himself. Even being centuries older than her, Magnus had let her fill part of the room that his parents left empty.

Jace went to talk to Catarina and they came in right away. Izzy left the place next to Alec free for her and pushed Jace back into the chair. It didn’t go unnoticed by Alec that he almost fell back into it on unsteady legs. He wondered how much the parabatai bond had taken a toll on him through the day.

Catarina placed Alec’s phone on his lap and nodded at him before she silently took the blanket from the boy’s chest. He whimpered a little and stretched his arms and legs as she put the stethoscope on him. Alec’s lungs shuttered lightly with the deep breathe he automatically pulled in. Every new sound or move one of the twins made, prompted a new feeling Alec didn’t recognize to rush through his body.

“Sounds good; perfect. Can you hold him upright with his chest against yours?” Catarina lifted the blanket up so Alec could secure it with one hand while holding the other under it, directly on the baby’s lower back. She secured the tube for the oxygen and moved Alec’s hand and the blanked a little and Alec felt both the tiny legs and arms move against him as she listened to the boy’s lungs. “Everything is just as it should be.” She stood up and walked to Magnus’s side of the bed. “Hold her the same way and I’ll listen if she’d calmed down a little. Maybe you want to have you shirt off too?”

Magnus looked confused at first, but then accepted Catarina’s help, holding Maria, while he pulled the shirt over his head. It seemed as if Magnus was even more tired and sluggish in his movements than when he got situated in the bed. He tossed the damp shirt on the floor, which was very out of character, but Alec thought it was actually fitting for the situation they was in and what they had just gone through. It was as Magnus breathed easier as soon as their little girl was right up against him. She had a diaper on that Alec hadn’t noticed until now and somehow it made her look even smaller. Magnus was so careful with her and made sure the oxygen tube was free and not getting pulled. Alec would never tire of looking at Magnus’s gentle hands slowly caring for their little ones. Catarina moved the blanked down a little and for a few second just looked at her breathing. Alec only looked at her raising and falling in the calm rhythm of Magnus’s chest. Maria didn’t seem to be bothered by the stethoscope and was slowly starting to close her eyes.

“She’s good.” Catarina put a hand on Magnus’s shoulder and Alec looked up at him, seeing a few tears rolling over his cheek. “Darling, she’s breathing as she should and her lungs still sound just as good as her brother’s.”

Alec lifted his hand to Magnus’s cheek and turned his head to kiss his forehead.

Catarina stood up. “Make that call. Both of your kids are healthy.”

Alec looked down at his boy, relaxing on his chest and as he covered him with the blanket again, he paused. For the first time he saw some of his back and there was definitely a clearly defined black marking on the small back. “Catarina?” Alec gestured for her to help him and she came over and turned the boy clearly careful not to indicate that she was lifting him out of Alec’s arms.

Filling his entire back, from the low part of the boys neck almost to his waist, was a sharply defined, pitch black rune. Alec looked at Magnus long enough to see a frown of confusion fold between his eyes. They all knew that rune, but why that one? Alec didn’t understand. He turned AJ back against his chest and covered him up a little. It was warm in the room, but Alec wasn’t sure how someone that small could keep warm by themselves.

Jace and Izzy was literally on the edge of their seats and when Catarina walked to them and nodded they were both next to Alec in an instant. Alec looked at Jace and shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

Jace pulled the blanket a little and Alec let him expose the boy’s back again. Alec’s siblings both looked long and silently at the mark and when Jace covered AJ up again, he was smiling. Izzy still seemed just as confused as Alec and Magnus.

“Jace?” Alec wanted him to spill whatever truth he’d discovered that the others hadn’t. “Jace. Why would he have the parabatai rune?”

Jace sat down. “He’s a shadowhunter.”

Magnus leaned a bit forward to see Jace better but slow enough that the movement hardly hurt Alec. “Why _that_ one? He doesn’t have a parabatai. Maria is a shadowhunter too but she doesn’t have a mark. There can’t be just one.”

“You alright?” Izzy had noticed Alec’s slight hiss as the mattress moved. The pain was getting worse as the adrenaline had left Alec’s body. Even sitting still was getting more painful by the minute.

“I’m alright, Iz,” Alec reassured her. “Jace? Magnus is right, it doesn’t make sense.”

“Of course it does. If he was destined to have a rune for a mark later. Think about it: He had to become a warlock early to help his sister. What is the only rune that that have been active on you through the pregnancy?”

Alec looked down at AJ. He wasn’t meant to be a warlock yet. He was rushed by the circumstances and of course he would have only known that rune. Alec hadn’t used any, but the parabatai rune had been active. With a small movement of his hand he gestured for Jace and Jace took it firmly in both of his and smiled at both him and Magnus before talking again. “I’m not sure of anything else though. It’s a bit big for a normal rune and we don’t know if it will ever be active. I guess we have to figure it out as we go, with Maria too.”

Alec looked at Maria, who was now sleeping on Magnus’s bare chest. “She’s a shadowhunter. They could be meant to be parabatai. I kinda hope the rune is just a mark though.” The other’s seemed confused. Of course it would be great for the twins to become parabatai someday, they already had a connection none of the adults in the room understood. No one asked but only Jace seemed to understand. The bond is strong and in some cases of emergency it can be almost crippling. That rune was too big to have that kind of power. Alec couldn’t imagine the pain he’d gone through every time Jace got hurt if his rune had covered his whole back. Jace squeezed Alec’s hand and held his words till they had eye-contact. “We have to take that as it comes too. Who knows, it could be different for a warlock. We know he’s strong.”

With Jace’s calm confidence in the power of the little boy, Alec came to the same conclusion. They just had to wait. In any case, it wasn’t a thing to worry about right now. Even though he was sure he had to explain that conversation to Magnus later.

* * *

In the small silent pause, Izzy must have realized that the moment was over. She leaned in and took the phone and handed it to Alec. Alec let go of Jace to take it and his siblings withdrew to the chair in the corner again.

“_Isabelle?_”

Alec’s throat locked up as soon as he heard his mother’s voice. He had no idea. He’d thought he could imagine it, but he had no idea how it was to be a parent.

“_Alec? Is it you?_”

“It’s me.” He didn’t know how he got those words out and he wasn’t sure that more would come.

“_It’s so good to hear your voice. How are you?_”

“I’m…” Alec’s voice cracked and Magnus grabbed his shoulder tight. Holding AJ with one arm and the phone with the other hand he couldn’t give Magnus the hug he needed to right now, he couldn’t move anyway, but the pain wouldn’t have mattered.

“_Sweetheart, is Magnus with you? Or Isabelle or Jace?_”

Alec looked at Izzy who was standing next to the door, reaching for Jace to follow her and Catarina out of the room, but he wasn’t leaving. Alec swallowed and did his best to fill his lungs slowly as he leaned slightly into Magnus’s hold. “Yeah.”

* * *

Magnus couldn’t take the phone when Alec handed it to him. There was no possible way for him to let go of Alec and Maria was sleeping in his other arm. Quickly, but so careful that he held his breath, he wrapped his arm around Alec’s shoulder and nodded at Alec with the calmest smile he could muster up. Alec had proven incapable of talking though through the tears. Truth was that Magnus wasn’t sure he could do much better. When Alec held the phone between them and turned on the speaker, Magnus silently nodded at Izzy that it was okay to leave without Jace. It was actually a nice reassurance to have Alec’s parabatai in the room right now. If Alec chocked up completely, at least Jace could convince their mom that he was okay.

“_Alec? Alec, are you still there?_”

The tears building a high wall in Alec’s eyes as he looked desperately at Magnus, had Magnus speak more clearly than he’d thought he could.

“He’s here. Me and Jace too.”

“_Oh,_” Maryse said with a long breath. “_How are you doing?_”

“We’re okay.” Magnus squeezed Alec a little tighter, careful not to move him. “Alec is safe; he’s okay.”

“More than okay,” Alec choked out as he looked at AJ playing trying to grab the edge of the blanket.

The sigh of relief was loud enough to hear on the phone. “_And the babies?_”

Magnus looked at the tiny boy and girl, but with the oxygen tubes, but neither looked sick or weak. It almost looked ridiculous that they had them on. “They’re really good. Perfect.”

There was a small chuckle on the line and Magnus could clearly picture Maryse’s smile. It was weird how much he suddenly missed her. He loved her, and has been for a long time. They had slowly grown on each other and he’d seen her as a voice of reason. Almost a mentor, even though it seemed silly with him being centuries older. Now he just missed her. Not for advice or support in a hard choice, simply because he needed her there with them.

“You should be here as soon as Alec is healed.”

“_Healed?_” Maryse talked louder and faster than before and Magnus realized that he’d messed up.

He shared a quick look with Alec and to his surprise Alec let his mom ask for an explanation for a few seconds while he slowly kissed Magnus’s forehead. “Mom. I’m okay. I’m fine I promise.”

“_What happened? What did you do?_”

Alec tried to promise her again but she was demanding answers and soon tears flowed freely down his cheeks as his voice went out. Magnus wanted to explain, but choked.

“Mom.” Jace spoke loudly from the chair. He’d pulled his legs up and was hugging his knees, and had been resting his chin on them. Now he had lifted his head and looked Magnus directly in the eyes. “Mom, listen to him. He’s alright. Everything happened as it should.” That wasn’t quite right, but with Alec it had happened accordingly to plan, and it must have been close enough to the truth that Jace could say it without hesitating. “The kids are alright. Nothing else matters.”

“_Jace. Tell me the truth; is he in pain? Can Magnus heal him? How long?_”

Jace stood up sluggishly and sat on the chair next to Alec. “He’ll be healed right after this.”

Alec rested his head on Magnus’s shoulder and the familiar shudder of Alec crying resonated in Magnus’s body. Magnus rubbed Alec’s upper arm and nodded at Jace to continue.

“He’s hurting when he moves but he’s handling it just fine, and has been feeding AJ.”

“_Heal him now. We’ll talk later._”

“No.” Alec choked out without moving. “We should talk to Raphael. Catarina can heal me after.”

Magnus was starting to suspect that Alec was prolonging this, but since he was handling it so well and clearly wasn’t bleeding, Magnus accepted that they could do this first. But after he would do it himself if Alec kept putting it off.

“_Catarina? Why won’t Magnus do it? Alec has always wanted Magnus to do everything._”

Once again they were busted, but this wasn’t as hard to explain as before. “I’m only tired. My magic is worn out. It’s nothing; I could do it if Catarina weren’t here or if your son weren’t so protective of me.”

“_You sure? You sound exhausted._”

Magnus smiled to himself and nodded slightly. “I am. Alec too, but I’m sure. Catarina is here so we’re just making it easier on ourselves.”

“_Okay, but you call me as soon as you’re up for a visit._” She sounded a bit more reassured now, but Magnus still heard that vague tone of concern that he’d always love she had for Alec. Even before he cared for her, he loved that she protected Alec; now he was a receiver of that too and he never knew how much he would come to need that.

“We need to talk to Raphael.” Alec lifted his head and sniffled loudly before taking a long calming breath. “Put us on speaker. Jace, can you get Catarina and Izzy?”

Jace nodded and let the women in and there was a click on the phone. “Not, too long Alec.” Maryse was still in a hurry to get Alec better.

“_Alec?_” “_Magnus?_” Clary and Simon spoke almost at the same time.

“Hi. We’re good,” Magnus said as if it could cut the first half of the conversation out, and it seemed to do just that.

Catarina took the chair next to Magnus and looked at Maria and then the phone. “Raphael. We’re all here.”

Izzy and Jace looked at each other and then confused eyes landed on Magnus and Alec. Magnus realized that they hadn’t told anyone else about Raphael and Catarina choosing Maria’s middle name.

Alec, who must have come to the same realization, smiled at him, and turned to the phone. “We… ehm. Maria doesn’t have a middle name yet. We asked Raphael and Catarina to choose it.”

There was silence in the room and on the phone. He could only imagine that Raphael was looking at the others for a reaction, just like Catarina was looking at Jace and Izzy.

“_That’s really kind of you._” Luke’s voice came through clear and loud. “_I think that’s an amazing idea._”

“It is.” Jace sent Catarina a huge smile and Izzy walked to her side and bend into a long, tight hug. She stood up behind Catarina’s chair and placed a light hand on her shoulder.

Catarina swallowed hard and spoke at the prompt from Magnus nodding. “Would you do the honors, Raphael?”

There was a small pause and then a shuffle and Raphael’s voice came through clearly. “_O-okay. Well, we wanted a strong name for her. She’s a shadowhunter_.”

Magnus looked at the little being sleeping on his bare chest. It was a terrifying thought that she would grow up to be a fighter like her dad and the entire Lightwood family, but as he’d done many times before he reminded himself that the twins would have that family to protect them too.

“_It was more difficult than expected to find a name that felt right and fit with Maria, but Catarina have lived in Germany and when we found a name originated from there meaning; strong and brave as a bear, we both liked it._”

“So what is it?” Simon interrupted and spread huffs and chuckles through both rooms. Magnus found it even funnier how obvious Jace rolled his eyes.

There was silence again and Magnus saw a seldom hesitation on Catarina. He smiled at her and moved his arm and let the blanket slid down just enough that she could see Maria’s face. “Catarina, Raphael. We’ll love it.”

Alec lifted the phone a bit closer him and Magnus and spoke so Magnus could hear his smile. “Whatever you’ve chosen: it will be perfect.”

“_We thought that you could call her_…” Raphael paused and Magnus wondered if he had to force it out of Catarina, but Raphael started again. “_We thought you could call her Maria Bernadette_.”

Magnus looked at his little girl. Maria Bernadette. It sounded almost royal; European royalty. The small girl with the straight black hair that would surely crow out thick and shiny. The beautiful dark brown eyes that everyone would say looked like his, but he knew that the color was more golden like Alec’s. Maria Bernadette was a beautiful, feminine, and strong name.

Magnus looked at Alec, who had his eyes locked on Maria, and Magnus saw new tears rolling over his face. He was slightly nodding and a smile spread slowly wide on his face. With a trembling lip she looked at Magnus and kissed his mouth soft.

“_Magnus? Alec?_” Raphael asked carefully.

The three other people in the room didn’t look worried, not even Catarina seemed to have any doubts, but of course the others couldn’t see how the news were received. “We…” Alec tried, but ended with shaking his head and smiling wider through the tears. Magnus wished he had another hand to wipe them away, but had to settled with rubbing his shoulder faster.

“They’re loving it,” Jace took over. “It’s a good name and they will tell you the same when they both stop crying.”

Magnus felt his own tears rolling over his cheeks, realizing that they had already been on their way there for a while.

“_It’s perfect,_” Maryse broke in calmly. “_Now, please take care of the pain and both of you get some rest. We’ll be here when you’re ready to see us._”

* * *

“They don’t need to take them. You can hold them both.”

Magnus thought he was done arguing with Alec when he’d used almost five minutes to convince him that there was no reason to wait with healing him. Of course he wasn’t.

“Alexander. Izzy needs to give AJ a diaper. Jace can stay inhere with Maria. It won’t take long.”

Alec looked at Izzy and Jace standing by the foot end of the bed, and Magnus dared to hope that he would agree, but Alec wasn’t ready. “I can wait. It’s not that bad.”

Magnus moved so there was a little room between them and watched Alec try, and fail, to hide that the movement hurt him. He took cupped Alec’s cheek with a calm hand and looked him in the eyes. “Cariño, you’re shaking. Even when we keep completely still, your breathing is getting more strained. Let’s do this and then we can relax with the twins for as long as we want after.”

Magnus held Maria a bit closer. He knew exactly how Alec felt. When they first heard the heartbeats they had missed them horribly after, even though they were there with them all the time. This was stronger and he missed them already, but he had Alec to think about too, and he couldn’t bear seeing him struggle more and more with the pain. They both needed rest too, Magnus was starting to feel dizzy and half the time he was wondering how he could lie down with the babies there. Alec looked at him quietly and then at AJ in his arms. Magnus knew that he’d won, but it wasn’t with good will from any of them when Jace took Maria to the chair and Izzy careful not to hurt Alec more or to got to fast for him to change his mind, took AJ from his arms and left the room.

As soon as the door closed and Alec’s hand grabbed Magnus’s, Jace stood up and sat on the chair next to Alec. Magnus didn’t understand. They both knew that Alec hated that he couldn’t see AJ, but he’s seemed okay with Jace being in sight with Maria. Jace placed a calm hand on Alec’s shoulder and waited for him to look him in the eyes.

“Alec. What’s happening? Why are you scared all of a sudden?”

Alec shook his head and looked at Magnus. “I’m not. I’m… I don’t know, what…”

“Hey. Shh.” Magnus almost whispered as he held Alec’s face in both hands. “It’s alright. Let’s just get you lying down.”

Catarina stepped closer and Jace moved the chair closer to the head end of the bed to make room for her. Alec tensed up and judging from his hissing breathing he seemed to hurt more from it. Catarina leaned in and carefully took one of Alec’s hands. “It’s the last time you need to move with this pain.”

Alec nodded and accepted her hands on his thighs, on top of the blanket. Magnus’s chest froze when Alec’s hand started to shake in his. When he looked at Jace, hoping that it was only the pain, Jace clearly understood and slowly shook his head. Alec was still scared. Slowly, Magnus let his magic flow through his hand and into Alec’s. Alec looked at him surprised and confused, but Magnus just smiled comforting and placed his other hand on Alec’s back, helping him move and taking some of his pain away through there as well. There wasn’t much Magnus could do, his sight blurred and he couldn’t help his breathing slowing down fast. His magic was hardly working, and it took strength he didn’t have to force the last of it out to help Alec enough. Alec moved slowly but handled it with little help from Catarina and from Jace’s one hand supporting him. Magnus’s magic touched a stronger force in Alec. Catarina’s magic.

“Magnus!” Catarina yelled at him. “Stop right now. I’ve got it.”

Magnus shook his head. He knew perfectly well that she couldn’t take all of Alec’s pain while helping him move. And that Alec had accepted his help, knowing that it could make him exhaust the last of his magic for a long time, proved that Alec couldn’t handle the pain anymore. He would rather pass out than have Alec feel any trace of pain again.

“You’re hurting yourself.” Catarina kept her hands and magic on Alec’s pelvis while Jace and Magnus supported him as he laid down. “Stop now!”

Magnus looked Alec in the eyes and saw him breathe more calm and make a small smile. Magnus nodded and let his small amount of trembling magic away. The relief from the workload had him almost fall over Alec, but he supported himself on the mattress and closed his eyes to not see the spinning room.

“Magnus?” Alec gasped out, coming down from the magic and the part of the pain it couldn’t take away.

“I’m good.” Magnus smiled, realizing that it helped with the nausea. “I just need a second.”

Alec’s hand was on his cheek and as soon as Magnus could support himself on only one arm he placed his hand lightly over it and opened his eyes. Alec was clearly concerned, Jace too. Catarina was definitely tilting more towards anger, but again that _was_ how she normally reacted when she got nervous for others.

“I’m okay. Really,” Magnus said with poor conviction and concentrated on Alec. His lip was quivering and tears were building. “What’s wrong Cariño? I’m only tired, you know that right?”

Alec nodded and bit his lip. He turned his hand and took Magnus’s tight.

“Then what? Are you scared about this? You don’t have to be.”

“I’m not.” Alec’s voice cracked and a tear escaped his eye. “I’m just… I can’t anymore. I’m done, Magnus. I’m beat and I can’t handle anymore… the pain…”

“Alexander.” Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand in both of his and leaned in to slowly kiss his forehead. “It won’t hurt. She’s healing you and it’ll might feel like a lot is happening at once, but it won’t hurt.” Magnus brushed a hand though Alec’s thick curls. “You know healing magic. It doesn’t hurt.”

“I… I know. You’re right.” Alec seemed to force the smile as he looked at Catarina. “Sorry.”

“Honey. It’s alright. You’re tired and you _both_ need rest.” She looked quickly at Magnus before taking Alec’s free hand. “When this is done you will be able too.”

With a single small nod at her, Alec let go of her hand and placed his calmly on his chest. Magnus hated that he couldn’t do this. Alec trusted Catarina with his life, they both did, but it should have been him. He swallowed deep and gave in to the need to be closer to Alec. He lied down on his side and, carful not to let his legs touch Alec’s, he held both of Alec’s hands on his chest and cupped his cheek lightly, making him turn his head and look at him. If he could do nothing else, he at least had to be close, to hold him.

“It will be strong.” Catarina placed both hands on Alec’s pelvis and Alec gasped loudly. “But just like Magnus said, it won’t hurt. I promise.”

Magnus saw Jace’s hand squeeze Alec’s shoulder and Alec nodded slowly. Alec gasped quietly and closed his eyes and then Magnus felt his body shaking from the magic buzzing in his pelvis.

“Alexander?” Magnus tried carefully.

Alec nodded against Magnus’s hand. “It’s okay.” His voice shook and was only formed air, but Magnus knew it well enough that he knew he spoke the truth. He stretched his neck and kissed Alec’s forehead slowly and long enough that Catarina’s magic was receding when he ended it. She was still going, but more subtle and Alec’s breathing wasn’t strained anymore. He looked at Magnus with a smile that was genuine and Magnus felt his lungs fill completely.

* * *

When Catarina stood up she looked over the blanket covering Alec and after a few seconds of hesitation she moved her hands over Alec again and white light flashed under the cover. When she removed it and changed it with another, Alec was wearing boxers.

“Thanks,” Alec said quietly.

“Yeah thank you Catarina,” Magnus added.

“You two just get some rest. Don’t either of you dare sit up again.” She smiled as she talked and rubbed Alec’s shoulder before she took the used blanket away.

Alec turned his head a bit further to the side and kissed Magnus’s hand. Sluggishly and sore, Magnus moved in closer and kissed his husband on the mouth.

“You’re warm.” Alec sounded surprised.

Magnus smiled and pulled the blanket up to cover Alec’s bare shoulders too. “Of course I am. You’re freezing.”

Alec frowned and pushed himself up on an elbow. “I’m not.” He cupped Magnus’s cheek firmly and moved his cold hand over his neck, sending chills down Magnus’s spine. “You’re too warm.”

Alec looked back at Catarina who’d clearly already heard the conversation and was on the was to Magnus’s side of the bed. She pulled his shoulder and with his sore muscles he couldn’t hide the hiss as he turned to his back. She looked into his eyes and placed the back of her hand on his forehead. She was even colder than Alec.

“I’m fine. I’m just drained,” Magnus tried, but clearly didn’t convince anyone.

“I’m not sure drained covers it.” Catarina smiled at Alec, clearly to reassure him that it wasn’t that bad, and Magnus felt better about it all. He didn’t need to cause Alec to worry right now. “You have worn out both your magic and your body on this. You can get a fever from exhaustion, you know?”

“I don’t have a fever. I don’t get fevers. I don’t think I’ve ever been sick.” Magnus felt different than he could remember having before, an annoyingly and icky kind of different, but there was no way he was sick from this.

He looked at Jace for help but he was meeting Izzy in the door as she came in with AJ. Magnus couldn’t be like this now, whether it was fever or something else. He needed to be there for the twins and for Alec. Magnus started to push himself up, but his shoulders and elbows were sore and stiff and didn’t move right.

“Love.” It felt suddenly good to have Alec’s cold hand on his cheek. “Look at me.”

Alec’s golden brown eyes looked at him with all the concern he’d felt for Alec just a minute ago. It was all wrong. “Remember me, telling you that I didn’t get sick? Don’t make me pull the cover off you.”

Magnus trembled from the thought of being exposed to the cold air. Alec smiled and tugged the blanket close to his chin. “You did everything I needed and more. You need rest and you’ll get back to normal.” He looked at Catarina, now at the other side of the room, with a confident smile. “Right?”

“Right.” She’s came over with the thermometer that Magnus had used on Alec so many times that day, over three month ago. She reached for Magnus, but before he could pull away Alec had shook his head at her and reached for the thermometer.

“Lie still.” Alec kissed his forehead and Magnus had never felt more like a child being taken care of. There was too many people in the room for this, but he figured the less he fought this, the faster they would get their kids back. The pressure in his ear was more than uncomfortable and he understood why Alec had hated it every time.

“101.3” Alec looked at Catarina with a frown. “It’s higher than mine.” For the life of him, Magnus couldn’t remember how high was bad.

“It is, but it’s not dangerous.” Catarina took the thermometer and placed a hand on Magnus’s shoulder. “It’s gone up fast though, so we need to keep an eye on it, but for now just rest, okay?”

Magnus nodded and when Alec turned towards him, he did the same; forming a small room between them where Jace quickly laid Maria, close to Magnus. She didn’t have the oxygen tube anymore and Magnus forgot about his burning skin for a second. The little girl squirmed under the loose blanket and Alec laid a calm hand on her belly. Izzy reached over Alec and laid the boy next to his sister. He wasn’t using oxygen either. Like by a push on a button, Maria laid still and turned her little face towards him. Magnus pushed the kids close together and crossed Alec’s arm to lay a light hand on AJ’s body. The twins closed their eyes as soon as their little heads touched and both relaxed completely. Alec scooted closer so the room between him and Magnus fit the twins perfectly, and rested his head on Magnus’s arm above the babies. It was just as effortless as the way him and Alec had fit together with the belly between them. Magnus eyes burned again, but he blinked the tears away quickly. He had his whole family in sight at once. He touched all of them at once. None of them were in pain, in danger or scared. Alec’s breathing was calm for the first time since he left him early this morning and it didn’t matter the slightest to Magnus that he felt a little off.

They heard the door close but Magnus couldn’t care less who was in the room or if all of them had left. Nothing behind his and Alec’s backs mattered right now.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered. “Love?”

“Alexander.” Magnus didn’t dare to speak louder than a whisper either.

Alec breathed in deep and slow. “We did it.”

“We did.” Magnus blinked again, but a single tear still made it out. “You’re a dad.”

Alec chuckled silently and lifted only his thumb to brush it on Magnus’s arm. “And you’re a papa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you worry about this ending and let me tell you: I do too.   
I've been writing this for almost a year now and I've been thinking about it almost every day. It's my first shadowhunter fic, so I'll have to figure out what to do now. I have a lot of other WIP's and series I've neglected for this, but I'm not leaving Malec after this. I have AT LEAST two more chapters but there could (and most likely will) be more.
> 
> I adore all of you lovelies who're reading and commenting. It makes me so happy to read, both when I see a familiar name pop up and when I see a whole new person commenting. Love you.


	32. Fatherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is not well, but Alec is beginning to trust the people around him, which makes everything a bit easier to handle. Before they had even considered inviting people, they get a surprise visit.

Alec hadn’t slept. But he’d been more relaxed than he’d been in months. He couldn’t take his eyes of the twins, lying so peacefully between him and Magnus, with their fathers’ arms over them. Magnus’s breathing had slowed down fast and indicated that he’d fallen asleep. The room was silent except for the small hums Magnus made when he let out the deep breaths and the slightly faster breathing from the babies. Their chests were moving in the same rhythm and it sounded like there was only one. Alec had never thought that a sound could be so tiny and still this profound and important.

Only when a hint of a snore, more like a deep breath, added to the melody in the room, did Alec remember that Jace hadn’t moved from the foot end of the bed. He lifted his head slightly and saw his parabatai lying on his side, curled up so his arms were between Magnus’s and his feet and his neck bent backwards so his head was on the sparse room below Magnus’s feet. Alec smiled to himself, of course Jace would be exhausted as well as him and Magnus. He’d been on the same emotional roller-coaster as Alec, while both helping and being oblivious to a lot of things that Alec knew and felt sure about.

He laid his head back on Magnus’s arm an prompted a deeper hum from his husband. He didn’t seem to wake up but the sound, or the fact that Alec froze up, had AJ stir and blink his eyes open, and of course Maria did the same a second later. He hoped that they wouldn’t start crying, not now. Not when Jace and Magnus needed more rest. Alec offered Maria his index finger and his heart skipped a beat when she grabbed it immediately and AJ took hold of his thumb. Magnus shifted and hummed again, this time sounding more annoyed and confused than just waking up. Alec looked up at the sleeping man. Seeing his skin glistening with sweat he suddenly felt the heat radiating from him stronger.

“Magnus?” Alec said quietly, not to disturb the rest of the room. “Love, wake up, you’re burning.”

Magnus didn’t react, not moving or making a sound. Alec stretched his neck and placed a small kiss on Magnus’s forehead tasting the salty sweat before realizing that his fever was a lot higher than before. Maria pulled his finger and then let go and started with a small squeak. Alec rubbed her stomach carefully and while lifting his head enough to see that the door was still closed.

“Catarina,” he tried calling quietly over Jace. Of cause she wouldn’t hear him. Maria started crying and Alec realized that she’d soon wake Jace anyway and the way AJ was moving he would be helping her in two seconds.

“Catarina!”

Jace rubbed his eyes and started to sit. The door opened just as AJ joined the coir.

“Rest is over I see,” Catarina said as she walked over with a smile. “Did you get any sleep?”

Alec didn’t waste time disappointing her and sat up. Lifting Maria in his arms and nodding at Jace as he gestured for AJ. The twins quickly stilled cradled in their arms but Alec kept his eyes on Magnus.

“Cat, I can’t wake him,” he said with no regard that he would disturb the babies or scaring the whole room as Izzy joined them too.

Catarina was behind Magnus in a second and felt his neck. “He’s not too warm I think. I’ll check. It could be that his exhaustion just hits harder with the fever.”

Izzy took Alec’s shoulder lightly and Alec let her turn him a little towards her. She brushed her other hand lightly over the blanket and Maria’s arm. “Let me.”

Alec looked her in the eyes and it felt a lot easier than earlier to accept her help. He nodded silently and let her take Maria from his arms. Jace got to his feet and stood next to Izzy with AJ secure in his arms. Izzy made sure the blanket was all the way around Maria. “We should go see if they are hungry again. Is it alright?”

Alec knew that at some point he’d had to accept that he and Magnus needed help with the twins, he’d just not imagined it to bee this soon but, even though his stomach tightened and he already missed them, he was sure it would be okay.

“Okay,” he answered with a grateful smile and turned his attention to Magnus and Catarina.

She turned on the thermometer on her way back from her bags and didn’t waste any time putting it in Magnus’s ear. Alec’s lungs exhaled all air when Magnus hummed disapprovingly and pressed his head a little firmer into the pillow. Alec grabbed Magnus’s hands and leaned into be close to his face. “Magnus?” he tried and looked briefly at Catarina who was patiently waiting for the device to beep. “Magnus, love. Can you hear me?”

Magnus frowned for a second and took a deeper breath, but it was his hand moving under Alec’s that made Alec gasp. Catarina read the numbers and nodded to herself. “It’s 102.9,” she said, putting down the thermometer.

Surprised that he even remembered the temperature from before, Alec did the math quickly. “It’s up 1.6.”

“It’s still not dangerous.” She took Magnus’s wrist and looked at her watch. Alec waited in silence while looking for any sign of awareness on Magnus’s face. “He’s pulse is a bit fast as I expected, but it’s strong.” Catarina paused and waited for Alec to look at her. “Antibiotics wouldn’t do him any good, since he’s not got an infection. It’s simply his body trying to figure out how to restore itself.”

Alec shook his head. He’d never heard of this before. “How much magic did he use to get here?”

Catarina sat down on the edge of the mattress behind Magnus and rested her hand on his upper arm. “It couldn’t have been easy. Most warlocks wouldn’t even try to break through a warding. I can’t. And at the house of a high warlock from a city as big as Rome. I’m surprised that he tried, even with help. And we don’t know how much help he got.”

Alec looked at Magnus. His clothes was slowly getting drenched in sweat and his breathing was slightly trembling from the small shakes rushing over his body. Magnus did this to himself, to get to him. He’d hurt himself, burned his neck, and then fought through exhaustion to help him get through the birth.

“Alec,” Catarina said calmly. “He wasn’t in danger. He didn’t risk his life, if he hadn’t gone through he would have been burned worse and thrown back, but he wouldn’t have died.” She reached over and took a light hold on Alec’s forearm. “You know he would never risk leaving you alone.”

The small speck of guilt left Alec’s chest and with a sudden lighter feeling he leaned in and kissed Magnus’s hands. Had it been the other way around, Alec would have done the same thing, and would only had risked his own life if it meant that he could safe Magnus from death.

He thought he was done crying for the day, but when he looked up at Catarina his eyes were burning. “Can’t you do anything to make him better?”

Catarina let go of Alec and concentrated on rubbing Magnus’s back. Maybe to test if he reacted, which he only did with a breath a little deeper than the rest. “I think so. He’s not sick so I can’t heal him, but he would probably do better with a fever reducer like you got.”

“He can’t swallow anything.” Alec scooted a little closer to Magnus and leaned over him to bury his hand in his damp hair.

“I know, Honey. We have other options. I think the best one would be an injection.”

If that was the best one, Alec didn’t want to think about the others. “Magnus? You with me?” He leaned in and kissed his temple and to his relief, Magnus folded his fingers slightly around his hand. Alec lifted his head and nodded at Catarina.

While Alec got Magnus’s head situated on a pillow, Catarina rushed to the living room to open a portal. She didn’t have the things she needed for that here, why would she?

Alec massaged Magnus’s scalp slowly in his hair and brushed his thumb lightly over his hairline. He was shaking and Alec wanted to cover him up with more than the sheet she’d found for them but Catarina had told him to wait till the fever was down a little. Alec’s hand shook around Magnus’s. He wasn’t scared; he trusted Catarina, but he hated seeing Magnus like this. The first time Alec had felt a thread of this was years ago, when Magnus had used his strength to heal Luke and he’d ended up falling back into Alec’s arms. Even though Alec didn’t know what was happening to him, _between them_, back then, Alec was sure that he needed Magnus to be alright. Not just safe but to feel good.

“Alec?” Izzy pushed the door open. She was alone but Alec saw the light from a portal opening behind her.

Alec sat up straight. “The twins?”

“They’re done eating. Jace has them both in the armchair, they are sleeping.” She took a small step closer. “How is Magnus?”

Alec smiled and breathed a bit easier when Catarina walked through the door. “He’ll be okay. Go see to that Jace isn’t falling asleep and dropping my babies.”

Izzy nodded with a relieved smile Alec hadn’t seen on her all day. She pulled the door almost closed.

Catarina was already putting on gloves as she sat down behind Magnus. Alec moved his knees as close to Magnus as he could and sat on his heals. “Magnus.” He pushed his hand between Magnus’s cheek and the pillow, lifting his face a little towards himself. “Magnus listen, it’s important.”

After a long deep breath, Magnus’s eyes opened to a sliver and Alec quickly bend down to be in his line of sight. “You hear me?”

Magnus hummed a positive and closed his eyes. Alec had to believe that he was still awake but just too tired to look at anything while listening. “You need medicine. It’ll hurt for a second, but you’re okay.” Alec paused hoping for an answer. “Do you understand?”

Silent, Magnus gave a single nod against Alec’s hand, and Alec breathed in freely. He smiled at Catarina, and she didn’t waste any time before lifting the sheet and pulling Magnus’s pants down only an inch. She cleaned the upper, outer part of Magnus’s cheek and Alec turned back to Magnus, expecting him to react to the cold, but he seemed to have gone in to unconsciousness again.

“Here we go,” Catarina said quietly as if she didn’t want to wake up Magnus.

Magnus hummed almost inaudible but didn’t move. Alec squeezed his hand a little harder. Under a second passed before the pain of the drug spreading in his muscle had Magnus sluggishly pull away and cling harder to Alec’s hand. Alec brushed Magnus’s cheekbone with his thumb and quickly kissed his temple. “Shh, you’re alright. Just a second.”

Magnus’s eyes opened a little more than before and Alec was able to make contact. “We’re helping you. Remember?”

Magnus nodded, keeping eye-contact till Catarina stepped back and his body relaxed again. His eyes closed fast but his hand was still holding Alec’s, almost strong.

“He’ll might relax better on his back, it would be easier to cool him too if he need it,” Catarina said as she dropped the gloves in the trash. Together they got Magnus slowly turned to his back and Alec found himself relishing in the hums and deep breaths Magnus gave. “Magnus, you still here?”

Magnus looked up at Alec but blinked slowly before focusing on anything. “I should,” he whispered. “The babies.”

Alec sighed with a small smile. “They’re good. You’ll be with them soon, sleep now.”

Magnus closed his eyes and his hand slowly loosened around Alec’s fingers. “I’m sorry.” His head dropped to the side. Alec pushed his face up again and kissed his forehead. “Love, don’t. Thank you.”

A small smile formed on Magnus’s lips for only seconds before he completely let go of Alec’s hand and his head fell heavier in to Alec’s hold.

* * *

For a moment, Alec fought the worry, creeping up on him. Catarina’s hand on his shoulder wiped the last of it away and left was only relief that Magnus was finally able to get some more rest.

“You haven’t slept, have you?” Catarina sounded like she’d completely given up on talking sense into him.

Alec pulled the sheet closer to Magnus’s chin and moved his own, heavy, and still sore, body up against the headboard. “The babies.”

“Hey.” Catarina sat down on the chair on Alec’s side of the bed. “You have to get your rest too. I know from just looking at Jace, that you’ll end up just like Magnus if you don’t.”

Alec was about to make some excuse that he hadn’t quite figured out yet, but Catarina leaned in and covered his hand with hers. “Izzy will take care of the twins. I will too. We can stay in here with them, but you have to get some sleep.”

It _was_ better, knowing that he could see them as soon as he woke up and that he would hear them cry. “You wake me up if,” he paused and shook his head lightly. “No, _when_. You wake me up when they need anything.”

“Of course. We’ll wake you when they have to eat again, or a change of diaper. Maybe Magnus is able to wake up then as well.” She lifted the cover a little, gesturing for Alec to lie down and silently he complied.

She stood up, but Alec hastily took her wrist and made her sit down again. “What is it, honey?”

Alec looked at Magnus, who was showing small twitches on his face and humming almost soundlessly, indicating that he was dreaming.

“Alec. He’ll be okay,” Catarina said with a small smile.

“I know.” Alec swallowed. He hated that he had to ask this, but he was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he knew for sure, and he knew by now that both, the twins, Magnus, and himself would be better off if he got some real rest. “What about me?”

Catarina frowned slightly and then placed his hand on his stomach and took his shoulder. “You’re healed. What are you thinking?”

Alec knew he wasn’t in any danger, but he wasn’t sure about how his body would be the next days. “My…” he almost whispered and looked down his body. “When will I… it?”

“Oh Alec, don’t you remember the book?”

Alec didn’t. He didn’t remember anything right now, it was like his mind had erased everything up till when the contractions started.

She smiled wider and squeezed is shoulder tighter. “You’ll be fine _back there_ too. It would have already started when the magic was gone. Your body is still sore, but, just like with Magnus, I can’t heal that, because you’re not injured or sick. You’re just overworked. It will pass too.” She stood up and moved her hand to squeezed Alec’s on the way. “It will go faster if you relax.”

For a moment she paused, and Alec hoped she would continue. He didn’t want to ask anymore. He must have looked like he didn’t have all the answers and she must have picked up on it. “If you don’t remember what the book said, don’t be alarmed if you feel a few cramps. It’s the uterus contracting. We’ll talk about what you want to do with it, but not now. There’s no deadline on that.”

With every information Catarina gave, Alec remembered that he’d read it in the book and that they had talked it all over weeks ago. Most of everything else was still fuzzy, but he knew that he and Magnus had talked about that the worst was over and nothing would hurt him like the birth or like getting the uterus placed.

He nodded at Catarina with a smile and looked at the door. She walked there quickly and silently, and seconds later Izzy appeared two small bundles in her arms. Alec lifted his head and followed every move of the ladies as Catarina moved the armchair close to Alec’s side and Izzy sat down. After placing the armchair from the living room, next to Magnus, she took one of the babies and sat down there.

Alec rested his heavy head on the pillow and looked at his sister. Izzy reached over and squeezed his hand. “Alec, sleep. Please.” She wrapped her arm around the baby again and leaned back. “AJ here and his sister won’t go anywhere. You won’t miss a thing.”

With a deep breath Alec nodded at her. “Jace?”

Izzy shook her head and chuckled as she looked at Catarina for a short moment. “He’s sleeping. Now, stop worrying about everyone else and follow his lead.”

Alec smiled as he closed his eyes. Magnus was exhausted to the point of sickness and only now did Alec realize why Jace was worn out from just being connected to him. He fell asleep to the sound of Magnus’s shallow breathing, but reassured that his whole family was safe.

* * *

“Alec.” Jace’s voice was quiet but Alec heard it clearly. “Alec, wake up.”

Alec was sitting up before his eyes were all the way open and had his eyes directed at Magnus while he got used to seeing.

“Hey,” Jace’s said calmly. “He’s still the same. It’s been two hours; the twins need to eat.”

Izzy was walking back and forth, gently rocking AJ. Catarina was still in the chair, Maria was quietly cooing too. “Do you feel up for both of them?” Catarina said silently over Magnus.

Alec nodded and following Catarina’s gestures, Jace got a shirt and the u-shaped pillow and helped Alec get situated against the headboard.

With both Maria and AJ on the pillow and securely supported by his arms, it was surprisingly easy to get the bottles angled. Both kids was good eaters. It had been one of the things Alec and Magnus had talked much about, they knew it could be one of the things that could be difficult. The things they had worried most about was the thing they didn’t have any influence on. Magnus had fed Maria before, but if he could only see them both now; eagerly drinking the formula like it was their only job. Come to think of it, it was.

The others had left the room but it wasn’t long after both twins was done eating and AJ had fallen asleep, that Izzy popped her head inside the door.

“Alec. You have a visitor,” she said quietly with a huge smile.

Maria was holding on to his thumb with both hands and seemed to be looking curiously up at him. She was the only one in the room who seemed ready for more than silence to happen. He shook his head lightly. “Magnus isn’t ready.”

“I know.” She looked back over her shoulder, into the living room, and then pushed the door a little more open. “Alec, he’s not taking no for an answer.”

_He?_ Alec sighed deeply and sighed deep. With a nod and a smile to Izzy he found himself tugging his arms a little closer around his kids.

When he looked up a familiar face was in the door, but it seemed like the boy had grown a whole foot over the last year. “Max.” Alec smiled and gestured for him to come closer. The boy, who looked more like a young man now, stopped hesitant a few feet from the bed. “How are you?” He looked at Magnus with a suddenly more serious face. “Is Magnus alright?”

Alec took a second to take status of Magnus. He was still sweating and his breathing was shallow and fast, but he seemed to have stopped dreaming and was now getting some real sleep. “He’ll be fine. He just needs a lot of rest. Come over here and say hello to your niece and nephew,” Alec said a bit louder and Max seemed to loosen up a bit as he walked over. He leaned in to look at both their faces and Alec waited silently for words to come out of his mouth, but he clearly had problems finding the right words. “AJ is sleeping, but do you want to hold this little troublemaker?”

Max took a step back but couldn’t hide the smile building in his eyes.

“Sit down.” Alec nodded towards the armchair next to him and looked at the half open door. “Izzy,” he called.

Izzy appeared in the door.

“Can you hand Maria to her uncle?” Alec looked at Max as he sat down and for a second saw a glimpse of that little cheeky boy he’d had running around after him since the day Max learned to walk.

“I can do that.”

Alec’s heart stopped by the sound of the deep voice. A hand on Izzy’s shoulder pulled her gently back and she nodded at their father as she walked out and let him passed.

“Dad.” Alec’s voice was suddenly only a low rasp. “You’re here.”

Of course he would be when Max was. Alec’s mind must be more fuzzy than he’d realized.

“I am,” Robert said with confidence and walked up close. He took Alec’s shoulder and looked him firmly in the eyes. “Are you alright? You’re not hurt anymore?”

Alec shook his head and swallowed. His eyes burned suddenly and he forced himself to keep looking his father in the eyes. “I’m just sore. Everything is good.”

Robert kept his hand firmly on Alec’s shoulder and his eyes on him for a moment longer before he nodded and then looked to the other side of the bed. “And the other father to my grandkids?”

Alec’s stomach hollowed and the air from his lungs seemed to drop into the hole. He was not going to cry with his father in the room, or Max. He took his time and cleared his throat. “He just need time.”

“Good,” Robert said convinced and clearly reassured. He stood up and for the first time he laid on the babies. “So who is who?”

The easier tone to his father’s voice had Alec breathe a bit more relaxed. “Amien Jace is sleeping and this is Maria Bernadette.” Alec wiggled his thumb in her hands a bit and her little legs kicked in the blanket she was wrapped in.

Robert looked at Max and Alec nodded at his father to take Maria. It was the first time someone, who hadn’t been there through it all, had held one of them. Jace, Izzy and Catarina had been thrown into it and Alec hadn’t had time to think so much of what it meant to them, but the look on his father’s face as he picked up his granddaughter underlined the importance of the moment. She squirmed a little and made a small creaky sound that had Alec’s smile pull an extra beat from his heart. As soon as his arm was free, he instinctively buried his hand in Magnus’s hair and Magnus hummed less strained than before and wiggled his head closer in to Alec’s palm. Max straightened his back and followed Robert’s moves to get the baby lying securely in his arms. He looked almost as proud as he did at his rune-ceremony.

“Just like that.” Robert stood up straight and smiled at his youngest son. “You make sure she stays put.”

“Oh, trust me I will.” Max said quick and confident, while not taking his eyes of his niece slowly wrapping her little hand around his thumb.

Alec shared a smile with his father as Robert sat down on the mattress next to his knees. He looked at the boy sleeping on the pillow. “He got your curls I see.”

“Yeah I noticed that too.” Alec rubbed his thumb lightly on AJ’s shoulder. “They both have Magnus’s eyes, but I swear that when he sleeps, he looks like Max did when he was a baby.”

Robert chuckled. “Of course he does. He smiles in his sleep and he has your mother’s smile. No doubt.”

Not sure how to respond to that, other than look at AJ again not to show his eyes was starting to burn again, Alec was glad to see the door opening.

Izzy slowly took only a few steps into the room. “Catarina says you should eat something, and drink.”

Not moving an inch, Alec looked at both his arms. One around AJ, to hold him on the pillow by his side, and one with his hand planted in Magnus’s damp hair.

“You better listen to her,” Robert said. “Let me hold AJ and you work to get your strength up.”

Slowly, Alec pulled his arm back and was surprised to see how easily his father got AJ calmed after he woke up.

Only after Alec swallowed the first bite of the steaming hot casserole Catarina had brought, did Alec notice how hungry he was. His stomach felt more like a bottomless pit when he remembered that he hadn’t eaten anything but ice-cubes since breakfast and it was half a day since his stomach had ejected what little was in there.

* * *

With a full stomach, Alec’s body was able to regulate his temperature to perfectly warm, for the first time. Izzy had taken AJ when he got fuzzy and Robert had walked into Alec’s office with the promise that he wasn’t leaving before he’d said goodbye. Not that Alec thought he was leaving without Max, who was still in the chair with Maria who seemed to have found it calm enough to sleep.

Robert knocked the door silently on his way in and stood next to Max. “We should leave.” He looked at Alec with a smile. “You should get some more sleep before the twins have to eat again.”

“We don’t have to,” Max said quietly over Maria. “She’ll wake up if I move.”

Alec let out a small chuckle. He knew that every second of sleep would be treasured for a long time from now, but he was surprised how easily both babies found sleep.

“She’ll be fine.” Robert placed a hand on Max’s shoulder and shook his head lightly. “We should go to New York and see everyone before we have to get back. Even though I’m not sure how to explain that I forced myself in here and they have to wait.”

“You can come visit any time,” Alec said to Max but quickly looked up at his father too. Robert nodded and stepped back to give Catarina room to take Maria from Max. He handed Alec an envelope from his office. “I wanted to talk to Magnus, but we won’t stay till he wakes up, you need your rest.”

Alec looked from the paper in his hand to his father, not sure what to ask or say. Robert put a hand on Max’s shoulder and let him out of the room. Max turned in the door and smiled back at Alec. “I’ll come visit all the time. I’ll help, and I want them to know me.”

“They should know you, and they will,” Alec said with no doubt or hesitation.

Robert cupped Izzy’s cheek on his wat out of the door and looked her in the eyes. “You’re doing great here. Keep me updated. Let me know if anything changes with Magnus or Jace.”

As his father and brother disappeared into the living room and the light from the portal, Catarina held open for them, Alec couldn’t keep his eyes from Magnus. He didn’t know how much it meant for Robert that Alec had him. His father wanted to be there, Alec was sure of it, but he had to settle for the next best thing; to have Izzy inform him on everything. But what about Jace? He wasn’t sick.

“Iz,” Alec croaked out and cleared his throat. “What’s wrong with Jace?”

Izzy sighed with a smile. “He fell asleep on the couch again and Dad walked him into the guest bedroom. He wasn’t really awake and slept deep again as soon as his head touched the pillow. Alec, he’s only tired. He’ll be right back in here when he’s able to hold his eyes open.”

Instinctively, Alec brushed his hand further back through Magnus’s hair and massaged his scalp a bit firmer. Magnus hummed approvingly and turned his head further towards Alec.

“Alec,” Izzy said calmly as she walked closer with AJ in her arms. “It’s not like Magnus. We can still wake him, we can talk to time and he’s not sick. He’s just relieved.” She paused for a second and waited for Alec to look at her. “He said that you’re alright now; that you feel happy and safe?”

Alec reached up and touched her elbow, careful not to disturb AJ. “I am. We’re all good. You can relax Izzy. You have to be completely worn out too.”

Izzy smiled wide and shook her head. “You get some more sleep before they need another bottle and I’m sure Jace is awake to take over then. Do you want Catarina and me to stay in here with the twins like before?”

Alec almost said yes before thinking, but he trusted Izzy and Catarina to wake him up the second something happened. He shook his head and when Izzy gently pulled the door almost closed after her, he laid down on his side and pushed himself close to Magnus. He was still hot with fever, but he breathed easier and with his head on Magnus’s shoulder, Alec’s lungs slowed down and he slept again.

* * *

Again it was Jace’s voice waking him up. For a second Alec wished that they would just let him be, but as soon as he felt his sore muscles and remembered why Jace was here, he opened his eyes. “Are they hungry again?” Alec’s voice was raw and it sounded mostly like a whisper.

Jace shook his head. “Magnus is waking up.”

Alec promptly sat up and turned to his husband. “Magnus?”

Magnus’s eyes were fluttering slowly and it was hard to believe that it would ever result in him opening them right. Catarina smiled up at Alec and nodded encouraging at him. She was on a chair next to Magnus with her hand rubbing his shoulder slowly. Alec lifted Magnus’s hand up to kiss it. His hand was still cold, but not as freezing as before and when Alec brushed his hand down Magnus’s arm and ended the movement high on his neck, he was reassured that the fever as down to almost nothing. Magnus moved his head closer to Alec and pressed his neck into Alec’s touch. His eyelids slowed down their movements but opened slightly more.

“Magnus, Love? Wake up now.”

A deep breath filled Magnus’s chest and he looked up at Alec for a second before closing his eyes with a smile on his lips. “Alexander.”

Alec leaned in and quickly placed a light kiss on Magnus’s forehead. “It’s so good to hear your voice. How are you feeling?”

Magnus clenched his jaw as he shifted his body a little. His hand tightened the slightest in Alec’s but as soon as he was still, that beautiful smile decorated his face again. “I’m sore. Just my joints really.” He started to pushed himself up but both Alec and Catarina pushed his shoulders firmly to the mattress.

“Take a second to wake up properly first,” Alec said and kissed his hand again.

Magnus sighed but nodded. He looked around the room and saw Jace standing at the foot end of the bed. “AJ and Maria?”

“They’re good. Perfect.” Alec brushed a stray strand of damp hair from Magnus’s forehead. He looked up at Catarina. “I guess Izzy has them?”

“She’s in the living room. We didn’t want to wake you with them crying,” she answered.

“Crying?” Magnus was fully awake now, and they both had to accept that he wanted to sit.

Catarina got him an extra pillow to support him against the headboard. “Magnus, Darling. They’re babies; they cry to tell us everything. If they’re hungry, tired, or uncomfortable. It could seem like they are done with the long sleeps. They seem to calm down as soon as they’re together though.”

“How long have I been out?”

Alec squeezed Magnus’s hand and looked him in the eyes. “A few hours. The twins have eaten once.” He smiled and sat down close to Magnus, wrapping an arm around him. “Don’t worry, they are good eaters and you will get to feed them next time.”

“Taking after their dad, I guess,” Magnus said as he snuggled a bit closer to Alec. Alec hadn’t been worried, but he’d missed his husband in everything that had happened and found himself breathing deeper as Magnus became more himself again.

Magnus looked at Catarina. “When should they eat again?”

“When they’re good and ready,” she said with a light chuckle. “I could be a while though it has only been an hour.” She looked apologetic at Alec. With the time his father had been here, Alec could have only slept twenty minutes. But he didn’t want to sleep from this. Magnus needed reassurance that everything was fine from him too.

“Right now, let’s take care of you,” She continued and took Magnus’s wrist. “You need to drink something and preferably eat too.”

Magnus’s shoulders dropped with a deep sigh. Alec knew all too well how hard it was to get anything down while tired and still feverish. Catarina nodded to herself as she was done with his pulse and placed the thermometer in Magnus’s hand. “Your pulse is stronger that’s for sure.” She nodded at the device in his hand and stood up, walking to the other side of the room.

With an uncoordinated hand, Magnus pressed the button but dropped it in his lap. Alec took it pushed himself a bit forward so he could see Magnus’s face. His deep brown eyes were more alert now. They both nodded before Alec put the thermometer in his ear.

“99.9,” Alec told Catarina quickly when the device beeped.

She handed Magnus a glass of water. “It’s gone down quite a bit in only twenty minutes. I’ll expect you to be fever free in under an hour.”

Alec waited in silence till Magnus had emptied the glass and then sat back next to him. Catarina placed a hand on Magnus’s shoulder and when he nodded, cloudy blue light flowed over him like a wave from his head to his feet. His hair wasn’t styled and he was wearing no makeup, but he was in dry clothes and his hair was dry too and had its pitch black shine back.

“I have an early shift tomorrow,” Catarina said as she sat down. “I would call in sick if I needed to, but the way everything is here, I can go get a few hours of sleep before that.”

Alec’s heart skipped a beat. He had been sure that nothing would happen with the birth before Magnus was there. He had hated that the thought of her there because it meant that he could be wrong. Now Magnus was there, everything was over and calm. Everyone was safe. And still he didn’t want her to leave.

Catarina took Alec’s hand lying on Magnus’s lap. “Izzy and Jace will be here and soon you’ll have the room full of family. The twins, and you and Magnus are all healthy. I’ve given Izzy and Jace the list from the book for what to look out for and added a few things. If you don’t remember if we covered what you’re experiencing; you read it, okay?”

Alec nodded and Magnus wrapped his arm around his chest and rested his head heavier on his shoulder. Only seconds would pass after Catarina left, before Magnus would demand to see the list, just to remind himself. Even though Alec knew that Magnus remembered every little detail.

* * *

Magnus had woken up hungry. He didn’t want to eat, it took a lot of effort that seemed unnecessary to waste. His did eat though; Alec had demanded it and Magnus soon realized that half of the weariness he felt was because he needed food. He’d refused to do anything before the twins were in sight though, so Alec had them both lying on the pillow while Magnus quickly swallowed the reheated casserole. As soon as he was done and Jace took the plate, he reached for AJ who was closest to him, but Alec took his hand and held it still.

“What?” Magnus said with a slight shake to his voice.

Alec let his hand go cupped Magnus’s cheek. He smiled as he looked into Magnus’s eyes. “You’ll hold them. Both of them, but let me help you for now.”

When Alec lifted Maria, Magnus moved half the pillow and AJ to his lap. He didn’t need help. He wasn’t dizzy or weak. Alec sat closed up against Magnus and bent his legs and laid Maria on the pillow with her head raised. Magnus followed his lead and got AJ lying the same way. The babies both cooed and squirmed from the commotion but stilled almost instantly when they were lying close together again. Magnus couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight but he quickly looked to Alec, ready to explain that he was absolutely fine. Alec didn’t look worried though. He leaned closer and kissed Magnus’s cheek and then handed him and envelope.

Magnus couldn’t think of what it might be. He took it slowly and looked to Alec for answers. Alec smiled and concentrated on entertaining the twins with dancing fingers on their chest’s and hands. “Max and my father came to visit. My father wanted to talk with you, but you were sick and we didn’t know for how long you would be sleeping, so he asked me to give you that.”

The envelope shook in Magnus’s hand and he quickly rested it on his knees. “What is it? What does it say?”

“I don’t know,” Alec said and looked at Magnus. “Open it. You know how he loves what you are to me.”

Magnus swallowed deeply and nodded. It was true. Robert wasn’t big on talking about emotions but he always showed it in gestures; when he walked Alec down the aisle, or when he sent the extremely expensive champagne for their one year anniversary.

Alec steadied AJ a bit more, so Magnus could open the envelope. He held the neatly written paper with almost calm hands.

_Magnus._

_I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but I hope you know that I’m grateful for you coming into my son’s life. You make him happier than anyone else ever could. Happier than he's ever been._

_And now you have made him a father. It took a long time for me to understand why it had to be done this way, but when I saw my grand-kids I knew why. My kids look most like their mother, but they each have a hint of me in their faces. Your babies have their looks from both you and Alec, and I understand the importance of that. You would have loved them just the same if they didn’t look like you, I know that, but it’s not only looks. Your kids should grow up in your world, a world you’re proud of. And I’m proud that my grand-kids will grow up shadowhunters **and** learning magic with you. If Maria doesn't have magic, you will still teach her things we never could._

_I haven’t always been the best father Alec could have wanted, but I also remember that when Alec was first born I’ve never needed my own father more. I know you didn’t have a good role model for a father and that you can’t and never would contact him. So if you ever find yourself missing a father, you just call me. Any time._

_I’m always working, but I’m never too busy for a phone call with my sons or to visit them. And you **are** my son._

_Tell Alec not to hesitate to call either. Now take good care of the two of you, so you can take care of my grand-babies._

_Robert._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know quite a few of you are wondering when I'll end this. I am too. No, I know how to end it, but like in everything I write there can creep a few things in before that, that I don't know about yet.  
That being said. It will eventually end, and even though I have a few series and WIPs I need to work on, I will need new shadowhunter work. This was the first shadowhunter fic I started and I'm not sure what to do with my Malec-heart and love for Jace (and Sizzy) after this.  
So I'm asking. Would any of you be interested in a work set up just so you lovelies can request one-shots with prompts and ideas? Let me know if you would play along with that for awhile.


	33. Believing the impossible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus are getting to experience a few -firsts- for their babies and then there's the whole family knocking at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've hinted before (in chapter 26 and 27) that the Simon story-line in this is a bit of a mix from the TV-show and the books, so just go with it. ;)  
This is again "cute" but even though this has gotten a little more fluffy than usual lately, you know I can't completely let go of the angst and hurt/comfort.

Magnus woke up just like he’d fallen asleep; with Alec’s chest moving in a steady slow rhythm against his back and a heavy arm wrapped around his waist. His skin was finally the same temperature as Alec’s and through the touch he felt like they were one person. Slowly, and careful not to move, he opened his eyes with a deep breath, and focused on the person sitting in the armchair in front of him.

“Hi,” Jace whispered and rocked the one of the two bundles he was holding.

Magnus reached up and Jace carefully stood up and laid the baby close to Magnus. AJ’s small hands reached up and took hold on Magnus’s fingers as soon as he held the little body steady.

“How long?” Magnus said almost inaudible, not taking his eyes of his boy.

Jace took a step back with Maria. “You’ve slept for almost an hour, I think that guy is getting hungry again.”

Magnus turned his head back, but couldn’t see Alec. He’d heard him breathing like that enough times to know that he was fast asleep. With his other arm securely holding AJ in the bed, Magnus took Alec’s wrist and lifted his arm and carefully placed it on the mattress, before turning to sit up.

Jace leaned in to help with the pillows, but Magnus shook his head and stopped him from moving too much with Maria. She was sleeping and if she could do that a little longer it would be great, even though Magnus was worried what it mean for everyone’s sanity that the twins already had different sleep rhythms.

“Is Izzy…?” Magnus scanned the room again. “Please tell me she’s sleeping.” Alec had told Magnus that Jace had slept a lot, not because he wanted, but because he simply couldn’t stay awake, and Magnus had wondered how Alec had kept going. Izzy was the last to begin to take care of herself.

“For over half an hour now,” Jace said and picked up an already prepared bottle from the dresser. “Let’s keep it that way for a little longer.”

Magnus nodded as he offered the bottle to AJ and watched him accept it easily. Jace sat down again and looked at his phone. “You know there is five people back in New York who are not sleeping either before they’d been here, right?”

Magnus smiled and looked at the phone. “Who?”

Jace knew very well what Magnus was asking. “Mom, of course and Clary has called me a few times.” Jace turned off the screen and put the phone away with a sigh and a smile. “The one making me crazy is Simon. He texts at least every ten minutes. I thought he would stop when I started answering instead of Izzy, but…” He sighed again and looked down at the girl in his arms.

Magnus hadn’t been able to figure out how Simon had been in all of this. Normally he was the one to blurt out every doubt, question, and excitement, but he’d been uncharacteristically quiet. Most of the times Magnus has counted it as a blessing in the mist of everything else.

He looked at Alec, who hadn’t moved and was breathing heavily enough that Magnus would call it a small snore. “Text them back and say that they can come when Alec is awake and ready.”

* * *

Maria had eaten too before Alec hummed deeply an pulled his chin closer to his chest. Magnus let Jace take both babies as he offered and let the u-shaped pillow drop to the floor.

“Alexander?” Magnus brushed his hand slowly through Alec’s curls and Alec blinked his eyes open. “Hi, Sayang. Slept well?”

Alec’s smile got cut short by a hiss and he tensed up. Magnus took his shoulder tight, but only seconds passed before Alec eased up and took Magnus’s hand in his and kissed it.

“It’s fine, Magnus.” He sat up seemingly with no problems than a few sore muscles. “Really. It doesn’t hurt that much. And it’ll stop soon.”

Magnus wanted to object and ask more, but Alec’s hand on his cheek and thumb over his lips stopped him. The soft touch of Alec’s fingertip brushed over his chin and was replaced with Alec’s warm lips.

“Hey,” Jace interrupted calmly. “There’s kids present.”

Alec let out a chuckle before he had completely broken the connection and Magnus laughed as their foreheads knocked together. As Alec’s eyes landed on Jace and the babies, Magnus’s was drawn to Alec’s one arm wrapped closely around his belly. Magnus put a hand on his lower arm. “Alexander, how bad is it really? Do you need something?”

Alec smiled and once again took Magnus’s hand into his. “It’s just cramps. We knew this would happen.” He lifted Magnus’s chin and looked him in the eyes. “I’ll tell you if I need anything, I promise. Right now I just need to move.” Alec placed a quick peck on Magnus’s forehead and turned to push the cover off him.

“Good,” Jace said louder than before. “Because I think this one needs a change, and that wasn’t part of the deal when you asked for me to be here.”

* * *

Alec walked shoulder to shoulder with Magnus through the door from the nursery. He’d been close to crying, again, when they walked into the room as a family, but now he was just grateful. Grateful for everything he had; for that everything they had gone through had led to this.

“You know this feeling won’t last for many diapers.” Magnus chuckled as they walked through the next door into the bedroom.

Alec looked at Maria in her little lavender onesie and wanted nothing else than follow her and AJ for every step, no matter how small. “Let’s just savor this while we can.”

Jace walked in from the living room. “You two looks like you’ve just witnessed a miracle.”

Alec ignored him and stopped by the cribs. Maria was slowly falling asleep again. Magnus kissed Alec on his cheek and they both laid a baby in each their crib. As soon as Magnus had let go of AJ he kicked his legs and started crying. For a second he waited for him to stop but Maria joined in before Alec could stand up straight. They picked the twins up again and just as quick as they’d started they quieted down. Alec wondered if the long sleeved onesies with feet wasn’t enough to make them feel safe.

Alec made sure Magnus was alright holding both twins before stepping back. “I’ll get the blankets.”

“Or you can just use these. Maryse stood in the door next to Jace.

“Mom,” Alec breathed out as he froze not to move his unsteady knees.

Maryse walked over and hung the blankets over the side of Maria’s crib. She took Alec’s shoulder lightly and cupped his cheek with her other hand. “Hi Sweetheart. You look better than I expected.” Her eyes welled up in only a second and Alec pulled her into a strong hug.

“I’m good. We’re all good.” He loosened his hold on her and she turned in his arms and looked at the two little ones in Magnus’s arms. Alec felt her swallow hard before she placed her hand calmly on Magnus’s neck and looked him in the eyes. As her eyes landed on the babies her hand brushed down Magnus’s shoulder and upper arm. She held lightly on to his elbow as she stepped closer. “They’re beautiful,” she said with a shaky voice and looked up at Magnus again. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Magnus said with his voice shaking just as much as Maryse’s.

Maryse stepped back and took the blankets, she handed the blue to Alec. “This was yours.” She turned to Magnus and took Maria’s little hand in hers. “Can I?”

Magnus nodded silently and let her cover her granddaughter in the light pink blanket and took her in her arms. Alec and Magnus helped each other to cover AJ’s pale yellow onesie with he blue one. Magnus wrapped his arm around Alec as him and Maryse put the babies down again. Not a second went by before they were both screaming again. Alec had already decided that he hated that sound and the way Magnus quickly picked AJ up again, he surely did too.

Alec reached for Maria but Maryse held him back for a moment. When both babies still cried after a few seconds she let go of his shoulder and let him pick his daughter up and instantly both babies stopped crying.

“What was that? Why did you stop me?” Alec asked his mom.

She brushed her thumb over AJ’s forehead and up over a hint of a curl in his sparse hair. With a big smile she brushed a stray curl from Alec’s forehead. “I wondered if she would stop if AJ did, but it seemed that he didn’t as long as she cried. You might have quite the task on your hands here.”

Alec sighed. He knew twins would be double the work, but if both would cry every time one of them started it suddenly felt like three times the work.

“Is it the first time?” She looked back at Jace. “Have someone held them until now?”

Jace nodded. “Is it bad? Was that wrong?”

“No sweetheart.” She reached out, gestured for him to come closer. “They should get all the contact they can get. As long as they get their seep, you can’t overdo it.”

She walked passed Alec and rubbed Magnus’s upper arm a few times. “Try unwrapping him and put him down again.”

Magnus looked at Alec, and Alec felt his confusion, none of them wanted to do that ever again. Alec had already considered how long they could sleep with the twins between them in the bed.

“Trust me,” Maryse said and folded the first layer of blanket off AJ. Alec nodded to Magnus as prepared himself for Maria crying. As expected, AJ screamed as soon as Magnus’s hands left him and Maria started the same moment. Maryse took Maria from Alec’s arms and unwrapped her too. She laid her next to AJ and quick but carefully laid Izzy’s old blanket loosely over both babies. The crying stopped almost instantly and was replaced with quiet cooing and small clicks that almost sounded like vague gurgling.

Magnus leaned heavily against Alec and wrapped a hand around his waist. Alec hugged him tight with one arm and took his mother’s hand on the other side. “How?” he whispered. Not that he thought that normal speaking would disturb the babies now.

“They’ve been together since they were conceived. Even babies who are not twins can have a hard time not being close to someone.” She stood shoulder arm against arm with Alec. “and when Izzy was born, you refused to leave her side for days. We had to move your bed into the nursery.”

Jace laughed and shook his head at Alec. Alec decided that he didn’t need to talk more about that. He wasn’t surprised through. Maryse leaned forward and looked at Magnus. “That they can calm each other will be a blessing for the two of you.”

A small cramp snuck up on Alec and he unwrapped his arm from around Magnus and pressed his hand slowly on his belly as he took a deep breath. Luckily, Maryse didn’t seem to notice and Magnus didn’t say anything. He simply held on to Alec’s forearm and brushed his other hand slowly on his back. Alec knew it was supposed to happen. He wasn’t nervous about it, but he would have liked everything to be over now so he could just enjoy this and he definitely didn’t want his mom to know that he was still in pain, no matter how insignificant it was.

“I don’t want to leave them,” Magnus said quietly. The thought that the bed was around seven feet away hadn’t crossed Alec’s mind, because he hadn’t even thought about going there, or anywhere, now.

“Of course you don’t,” Maryse let go of Alec and turned Jace around to follow her. They came back with each their armchair and Magnus and Alec stepped back of a second as they placed them in front of the cribs.

* * *

Alec and Magnus had sat hand in hand as they watched both babies slowly fall asleep. Maryse and Jace had had his hands on Maria’s crib, looking over it and into AJ’s. Maryse hand been behind Alec, with a hand on his shoulder all the time. Alec didn’t want her to ever leave, but he used a lot of energy on hiding the small cramps from her.

The last one wasn’t worse but came faster and surprised him and he had to hold his breath for a moment and squeeze harder on Magnus’s hand. Magnus looked at him and Alec felt the change in his mother’s hold on him instantly. She hunched down next to him. “Baby, should you be lying down?”

Trying his best to don’t care that Jace had just heard their mom call him _baby_, Alec shook his head. “No, it’s just a few cramps, it’s normal, you know?”

She nodded with a smile and took his hand. “Okay, I know. But are you sure you don’t need to move or rest? You went through a lot, more than anyone else giving birth.”

Alec heaved in air and looked back at Magnus, who just shook his head. Alec pulled his hand from his mom. “You know? Did you talk to Catarina, or…” He swallowed hard. “Did you read in the book?”

“No,” she said calmly and took his hand again. “I asked her to explain but she wouldn’t. When I asked for the book she told me that you didn’t want anyone to read it.”

Alec loosened his shoulders a little. He was sure Catarina wouldn’t have told. “Then how? What do you know?” Alec held on tighter to Magnus and felt their hold covered with Magnus’s other hand.

“I asked if it was because you felt it was too personal and she said that it was part of it. She didn’t look scared. Alec, I wasn’t scared you were in danger, but she looked sad for you. For her to not be able to hide that it has to have been bad.”

The tears in his mother’s eyes made his own burn. He hadn’t thought about it, there had been so much to do and take care of. He tried to smile to hide it, but it _had_ been bad. It had been horrible, and confronted with it by his mother’s concerned voice, he couldn’t hold back tears. She quickly pulled him into a hug.

“Jace, tell the others that everything is fine, but they have to wait a little longer.”

She rubbed Alec’s shoulder and Magnus’s hand warmed the middle of his back. He desperately tried to get his breathing back under control and stop the small soundless hiccups for air, but there was nothing he could do. Maryse buried her hand in his hair on the back of his head and he turned his face into the crease of her neck. “It’s alright, Alec. Just relax into it.” She kissed the top of his head. “It’s alright to cry.”

The chair gave a little and, like with a blanket, his back was covered by a strong torso, and calm arms wrapped around his chest and belly. A slow kiss on his neck was followed by the familiar subtle sent of his husband as Magnus’s heavy head rested on the back of his shoulder. Alec’s lungs heaved in air without him having a say in how fast and the air was followed out by a loud sob.

* * *

Magnus didn’t know how long he and Maryse had held Alec before his breathing eased up and his shoulders relaxed. When Alec started by saying he was fine, Magnus was close to using magic to ease his discomfort, but it was easy to convince him to take some painkillers to ease anything reminding him of the birth.

As soon as Alec wanted to stand and agreed to it, Maryse had gone to let the others in. Magnus had expected Clary and Simon to burst in in under a second, but when the door opened it was Luke and Raphael who came in. Luke looked into the crib before hugging both Magnus and Alec in one embrace. “You two are something else. I can’t believe it still.”

“Me neither,” Magnus said as Luke stood back and focused on the babies again. Raphael stood still a few feet back and Magnus walked over to him and took his arm. “Come see.”

He pushed Raphael up in front of the crib and saw him shake his head slowly.

“Here they are.” Magnus could hear his own smile on his voice. “Amien Jace and Marie Bernadette.”

Raphael hugged Magnus tight and then turned to Alec and took his arm in a tight grip. “Are you alright?”

Alec sighed so they could all hear it and smiled. “I am, now could you ask the next people to come in here to not ask me that?”

Raphael nodded slightly but looked at Luke. There was something between them, but before Magnus could ask, Luke broke in with an almost cheerful voice. “We’ll do that, but Simon might ask anyway.”

“What’s with him?” Magnus asked as a reflex. “He has acted unlike himself around us since he learned about the pregnancy.”

Alec took Magnus’s hand and looked at Luke, waiting for answer too.

“He’s been like that, quiet, every time we talked about it, I’m not even sure Clary knows why… maybe Izzy.”

Alec and Magnus looked at each other for a short moment and Magnus pulled Alec tight with an arm around his waist. He looked at the sleeping babies and then at Raphael who seemed to be almost as happy as he was in shock. “They are sleeping now anyway. Maybe you can tell him and Clary to come in and we’ll come out to you when the twins are awake?”

“Sure.” Luke took Padded Raphael quickly on the shoulder and they walked to the door. Before he disappeared through the opening, he turned and smiled. “It was good to see that you’re all okay.”

There was a short exchange of words on the other side of the half open door. Magnus couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it lasted longer than expected before Clary walked in dragging Simon by his wrist.

As soon as the door closed behind them she let go of the vampire and walked straight for the cribs. “Oh wow,” she said with more excitement than they had heard all day. “They’re so tiny.” She wrapped her arms around Magnus’s waist and he had to let go of Alec to hold on to her so they both would tumble to the floor.

“Easy, Biscuit,” he said with laughter shaking his voice.

“Sorry,” she said quick and quietly enough that Magnus knew that it was mostly a joke. She let go and gave Alec the same treatment, prompting a hiss from him. She instantly let go and stepped back. “Sorry,” she said as she looked horrified up and down Alec’s body. She meant it this time.

Alec let loose a chuckle and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m just sore. Don’t be sorry.”

She slowly wrapped her arms around him again and took a deep breath. “I’m so happy for you. They are just perfect.”

Alec looked at Magnus with an eased smile and turned Clary towards the babies and watched as Maria was slowly blinking her eyes open.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered and put a hand on his shoulder. When Magnus tore his eyes from his kids, Alec nodded towards Simon, who was still standing right inside the door. Magnus nodded and left Clary wrapped in Alec’s arm, to meet Simon.

Simon had his eyes on the cribs and didn’t seem to care that Magnus came over. “Hi. Don’t you want to come see?” Magnus reached for Simon’s shoulder but Simon withdrew. For the first time he looked at Magnus’s eyes.

He didn’t look like himself. No matter if Simon was excited, angry, or scared, he was never quiet about it.

“Hey,” Magnus said as high as he felt comfortable with, with the babies half asleep. “What is going on? Does Izzy know why you’re acting like this?”

Simon looked down. “I’m not sure,” he whispered.

Magnus slowly took his hand and, surprised that Simon followed, he pulled him to sit with him on the foot end of the bed. “Talk to me. Why don’t you want to meet the babies?”

“I do,” Simon said quickly.

“Then what?”

Simon gathered his hands in his lap and sighed. “It’s a big deal. It’s not like it was a normal pregnancy or a normal birth.”

“Simon.” Magnus looked quickly at Alec and Clary who was clearly following the conversation. “Alec is fine. The babies are fine. I know it’s weird, but why are you taking this so near? Everyone else has worked through this a long time ago.”

“I’m not _everyone else_. I’m a vampire.”

Magnus had no idea why this would be a variable in Simon’s thought process. There hadn’t been any vampires involved in this, except Anthony, and that couldn’t mean anything.

“Simon,” Alec talked across the room. “You’re not making sense. What does you being a vampire having to do with us having kids?”

Simon stood up and looked from Magnus to Alec and back, and then at Clary. “I’m a vampire, who are working night and day to figure out how to not be one. How to become a shadowhunter, a mortal and a parabatai.”

Clary took a step towards him but he held up a hand to stop her. “I have had doubts that it would ever happen, I still do, but you broke the rules.” He swallowed and looked at Magnus with tears in his eyes. “You did the impossible. Maybe it’s possible for me too. Maybe people won’t find it so weird and will actually help.”

He paused and bit his lip, clearly breathing controlled to fight tears. Magnus wrapped his arms around the young man and held him against his chest for a few long seconds before he Simon’s one arm hugged his back. Alec had picked up Maria who was clearly awake now, and when Magnus nodded at him, he handed her to Clary and helped her hold her niece right, but turning her and pushed her lightly towards Magnus and Simon.

“Simon,” she said quietly and Magnus loosened his grip on him. With a slow deep breath Simon looked at the baby and promptly tears rolled over his cheeks. He put a shaky hand on the top of Maria’s head and touched the onesie on her foot as she kicked up in the air. A small chuckle left his throat.

They all heard the squeaky start of crying from the crib and Magnus shook his head as Alec picked up their boy and came over. Silently, he stood close to Simon and gestured for him to take AJ. Simon stepped back, but Magnus pushed him forward again and with Magnus’s help steadying Simon’s shaking arms, they got AJ lying securely in his embrace.

“I… They…” Simon swallowed but shook his head as more tears drew lines down his face.

Clary laughed and stood up close so the twins were next to each other. “Exactly my words.”

“Is Izzy awake?” Magnus asked.

Clary nodded. “I’m sure Simon would have passed out if she hadn’t been there.”

Simon looked at her and shook his head with a tight jaw.

“Good,” Magnus continued. “Simon. Maybe you should go talk to her. If you haven’t tool her about this, she’s bound to worry.” He took Clary’s shoulder and waited for her to look at him. “Go show your dad his grandchildren now that they’re awake. Anthony would like to meet them too.”

Quite amused that he’d made Clary speechless, he watched the two of them walk out into the living room with the babies.

Magnus followed and closed the door after them and turned towards Alec. He looked so small in the middle of the room, his big belly almost gone and with his arms wrapped closely around his chest like he was cold. Magnus hastily walked up to him and cupped his face in both hands and looked him in the eyes. “You miss them.” Magnus stood on his toes and kissed Alec’s forehead. “Me too, but we need a moment.”

Alec nodded and rested a light hand on the side of Magnus’s neck, and leaned in to a deep kiss. The silence in the room filled Magnus’s body as Alec’s breathing and hands became lighter. When they let go, he kept his forehead against Alec’s and looked into his golden brown eyes. “I love you.”

Alec smiled and cupped Magnus’s cheek, brushing a thumb over his cheekbone. “I love you too.” He kissed Magnus shortly on the mouth and looked him in the eyes again. “I love _us_. I love all of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit shorter than usual, but I thought it was the right place to split it.   
I know I've been using a long time to write this lately, and I hope to have the next up sooner.

**Author's Note:**

> Since this and another bigger work is coming to an end soon, I'm scared I'll miss you. And also, I would love to hear if you have wishes for a few (smaller) works. So I made a new pseud >IceQueenQuests< where I've made a shadowhunters "work" with one purpose only: that we can talk.  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25357684  
Do you want to know about my plans for continuing one of my series, or do you have a line you just need your favorite character to say; ask me. I'll read and answer every comment and it'll be easy for me to keep track of prompts.  
I've made a post for Supernatural too, and maybe more fandoms will follow if this works. Send me a comment over there so I know you've found it. :)
> 
> You are of course more than welcome to comment here still, please do. I love all the feed back I'm getting from you lovely people. <3<3


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